Original subtitles

Hey.

Hey, Drew.

Mimi writing?

Oh, she's upstairs making herself pretty.

Have a seat.

We'll see if there's a miniseries on.

Knock it off.

Mimi's great.

Yesterday we went to this place where they built houses for the poor.

We pretended we were inspectors and made them do a bunch of stuff over again.

Sounds like you two were made for each other.

I guess there's a key to every lock nest monster.

Anyway, hey.

Two people so perfectly match and move in together, don't you think?

I know you want her out of your house, but we feel

this is special, and we're gonna take it slow.

Okay.

But for today, today only, if you get her out of my

house, I will throw in the slightly used 32-inch color TV.

Hi.

Hi.

I got the name of somebody who can fix your car.

We were making a memory and I kind of put my foot through the rag top.

Great.

Now I have a memory.

Well, thanks for taking care of us.

Don't wait up.

Holy crap.

What?

It's a letter from Steve.

Oh, my God.

Where is he?

Well, it doesn't say there's no return address, but the postmark is Youngstown.

There's a check and a note that says he knows that Mimi

and Gus have been living here and he wants to pay me back.

Well, it's about time your jerk brother took

some responsibility for running out on them.

Yeah, but your money isn't gonna make up for me

having to see Mimi eat a bologna sandwich and her bra.

Honey, you should have knocked before you walked into the bathroom.

I wonder what he's doing in Youngstown.

He probably feels ashamed for what he did and he's punishing himself.

Yeah, but Youngstown sounds like he killed anybody.

Well, you know what?

If I could find him, I could get him and

Mimi talking, maybe they'd get back together.

No, honey, it's not that simple.

You know, Mimi and Larry are getting very serious.

I am talking about putting a family back together.

No, you were talking about getting Mimi out of your house.

I can talk about two things at once.

Drew, Drew, look at me.

You have to promise me that you are not gonna force

things with Steve and Mimi just to get her out.

Hey, Steve!

Wake up, man!

You gotta get Mimi out of my house!

Drew.

Oh, my God.

Come in.

How'd you find me?

Wasn't easy.

I'd ask Mom.

Damn it!

I swore her to secrecy.

That's what she said, but then I promised her a picture of Gus dressed as a pirate.

I haven't seen the little guy in so long.

Do you have the picture with you?

No, there isn't one.

This Halloween, he went dressed as Lizzie McGuire.

You know, she would just blow that all out of proportion.

So, what the hell is going on?

Why don't you run out on your wife and kid, you selfish bastard?

I know.

I'm sorry.

Just after Dad died, I kind of freaked out.

I had to figure out what I wanted in life.

Yeah, Dad's death affected me, too, but you don't avoid your responsibilities.

I just didn't want my dreams to die with me the way Dad's dead, so...

I traveled the world, ended up in Sri Lanka,

buried the dead after a Malaria outbreak.

I had to live with Mimi, and you got to bury the dead?

That hardly seems fair.

Well, I'm back now, and I'm rebuilding my life.

I'm the head cook of the Youngstown Public School System.

Yesterday, one youngster pulled a knife on another

youngster over the last piece of my cherry cobbler.

Tragic.

You had a feather in my cap?

Well, got a nice place here, I'll tell you that.

Hey, you know what, you know what looked good in that corner right over there?

What do you call it, those... Oh, yeah, your family.

Believe me, I would love to win Mimi back.

But after what I'd put her through, I need to have something more to offer.

Stability, money in the bank.

Also, I'm getting a hair weave and taking a Yohimbi root for male potency.

Well, you better haul ass, because she's dating Larry Almana now.

Almana?

God, she used to hate that guy.

Yeah, well, now she's hating his brains out two, three times a night.

I just don't think I'm ready to face Mimi.

Nobody is.

You know, it's like pulling off a bandage.

You just got to do it.

Will you talk to her, see if she's ready to see me?

Yeah, it might be a good idea.

If you show up and announce, you might just shoot you

and drag you inside and say we're trying to break in.

And shoot you again.

She's pretty mad.

Thanks, man.

Yeah.

Hey, Fargot, you got any of that cobbler left?

Yeah.

I want to taste the pie that's worth doing a nickel and juvie for.

Your Tuppermate is in.

Oh!

You're such a good customer.

I threw in a free popsicle maker.

They always taste better when you make them yourself.

You know, Louis, you're always grumbling about

how much money we spend on popsicles each month.

For the last time, they're dessert, not a meal.

I am so excited about my butter dish.

You're gonna be a fun old lady.

If you host a party at your house, I'll throw in a free pie tote.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying this makes ordinary pie portable?

Tomorrow's here, people.

Well, think about it, Kelly.

Drew, this gal of yours is a real hoot.

She held two of our fresh-locked bagel buddies up to her.

And then she pretended it...

Well, she'll tell you about it.

So, they're too sore for me to touch, but they're

not too sore to stuff into two plastic containers.

Well, plastic containers don't watch TV over my shoulder.

See, these parties, a bunch of women come to your house, drink, pay you money,

and give you their addresses and phone numbers?

Perhaps this is something we should do.

You know, every time you say that, it's never something you should do.

All right, what do you want, pig?

Got to talk to you for a second.

All right.

Pick it fast.

Meetin' Larry at the mini-golf course.

Gonna give him a little treat in the windmill.

By the way, I don't think you should take Guster anymore.

It's not a very wholesome environment.

I want to talk to you about Steve.

I told you.

I don't ever want to hear that man's name again.

Okay, okay.

He's a name that won't set you off.

Millie from Millie Vanilli is working in the school cafeteria in Youngstown.

He's really sorry.

I'd like to see you.

So I'm supposed to drop everything because Millie from Millie Vanilli is back?

I don't think so.

He's Mimi.

Mimi's very sorry and he wants to get the family back together.

I'm sorry.

It's too late.

Mimi, he's the father of your child.

Come up for Gus.

Fine.

I'll see him for the boy.

Geez, it brings up a bunch of bad memories.

I gotta go clear my head.

You're going to the windmill, aren't you?

Some people meditate.

I like being slammed against the fiberglass golf hazard.

And this elegant casserole tub has a unique pop-up steam valve.

The seal stays on, so splatters stay in.

Thank you.

And now for the drawing of our door prize, this lovely set of egg cozies.

What's your name, sweetheart?

Diane Westbrook.

Yeah, that's it.

Congratulations.

I'd be happy to bring you your prize.

Perhaps we could meet at a restaurant halfway between your place and mine.

A concert.

Roller skating.

Whatever.

All right, guys, I have to say, I'm very impressed.

You did a great job, except for the cake and the shape of boobs.

That's more of a bachelor party thing.

Oh, okay.

I'll get that.

Look who thinks they can sell Tuppermaid on my territory.

What do you mean, your territory?

All the plastic that moves through this part of Cleveland goes through me.

That salad spinner's gonna hurt.

I can make selling Tuppermaid very difficult for you.

It's already kinda difficult.

Can't remember the name of the bowls and I get nervous in front of large groups.

Just so you know, the four-quart snap and

seal is the perfect size to hold a human head.

Just so you know, we're not going anywhere.

But we're using that as a selling point.

Hey.

Drew, you better tell your buddies here to get smart in a hurry.

Well, which one should I start with?

The one who thinks the president's a robot or

the one we had a hot dog he found in the park?

Consider yourselves warned.

We're not scared of you.

Yeah, after all, what kind of men would you be if you let

women tell you how to sell your little plastic food containers?

Hi, honey.

Guess what?

Mimi just called.

She just met with Steve.

She said it was a little tense, but they had a really good talk.

Great.

Oh, you know, I just want her to be happy.

I'm gonna go throw her crap out in the lawn.

Well, the Tuppermaid party's over.

Wanna go roller skating?

Hello, I am looking for Steve Gady.

Oh, he doesn't live here.

I found this address in one of his notebooks.

Who are you?

I am Padma from Sri Lanka.

I am his lover.

I am Drew from Cleveland.

Holy crap.

We're, um, Steve's family.

So tell him.

Uh, how do you, uh, how do you know Steve?

Uh, we met at a movie.

They were showing the Patrick Dempsey film Loverboy on a large sheet in my village.

My sheets have dinosaurs on them.

That would be distracting.

Yes, I think we can all agree that distractions are annoying.

Please go on.

I found the movie predictable, and my eyes wandered to Steve's huge,

beautiful bald head.

Our eyes met, and that night, on that very same sheet, he became my loverboy.

You know, we went on and on about, uh, burying the dead.

He didn't say what he did with the live ones.

So, uh, does Steve know you're here?

It would be a surprise.

I'm going to live with him and have a happy American life.

Hey, Padma, in your country, do people wear big hats to the movies?

Because that's a big problem here.

Oswald, she came halfway around the world.

Certainly there's more important things we can learn about her culture.

What kind of underwear are you sporting under that crazy ghetto?

Hey, pig.

We got off to kind of a rocky start, but I think we might get together.

Thanks for making me talk to him.

Who the hell's that?

I am Padma.

I am the lover of... I'm Tuppermaid.

She's the, uh, number one Tuppermaid salesperson in all of India.

Tuppermaid?

I've had your food.

I don't know who the hell'd want to save it.

Anyway, Padma's here on a Tuppermaid exchange program, and Oswald and Lewis are

just about to show around Cleveland, weren't you guys?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we can, uh, take her on a roller coaster at Cedar Point.

That way, when that thing she's wearing, uh, blows

up over her head, we can see what we're working with.

Uh, you're gonna love Cedar Point, and after we've seen your panties,

we'll get corn dogs.

I am just here to see... The Rocking Hall of Fame?

The Giant Rubber Stamp?

Don't worry.

We'll see it all.

Yeah, um, you know what?

Just to be safe, maybe I should just go with her, you know?

Because in her culture, if she's alone with

two men, it will bring shame upon her family.

In any culture, being seen with these two yokels would bring shame on your family.

Yeah, well, you know, you better get going.

You know how crowded that Giant Rubber Stamp gets at night.

Nice girl.

Yeah, you know, if it works out between Steve

and me, maybe we could fix her up with Larry.

Yeah, well, she does like bald guys.

What?

You know, Gandhi, Buddha.

I'm this close to shaving my head and moving there myself.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, we put in our Tuppermaid order and they

said they were out of stock on everything.

Curious, don't you think, Norah?

I wouldn't know anything about that.

Oh, well, sorry we asked you down here then.

She's just being campy for evil effect, you moron.

What's it gonna take to get our orders filled?

I saw your order sheets.

You guys didn't do too bad for beginners.

Why don't we put this bickering aside and you can come work for me.

I'll treat you real nice.

Can we get more brochures and cardboard stand-up displays?

Anything you want, sweetheart?

You're working for Mama Nora now.

She makes me feel safe.

Let's do it.

All right, but if we get tired of the life, we can always stop, right?

Sure, baby, sure.

Now, I've got some clients I want you to meet tonight.

Be good to them.

They specifically asked for a two-man show.

Hey, honey.

Hey.

Where's your burger?

Listen, I still think you should have told Mimi about Padma.

No, I want to hear Steve's side of it first, you know.

If this Padma's just some kind of a nut, maybe Mimi and Steve can still work it

out, and then she can move out and he can move in with me.

Come on, I move in with you.

We sleep in the same bed.

We have a little... before you know it, I'm pregnant.

Come on, I worry about you out in that converted garage all by yourself.

Especially with the converted garage killer on the loose.

Wow, that's a very specific kind of killer.

Well, he doesn't have any victims yet, but he's made his intentions pretty well known.

I told you I will move in with you when there's room.

And the next step is marriage, right?

I guess.

Uh-huh.

No.

No, uh-huh.

You didn't trap me.

No, I will.

I didn't trap yet.

But you're caught in my web, and then you're struggling,

and then you get exhausted, and that's what I propose.

I mean, it's good luck.

What's so important, Drew?

I had to leave a school board meeting.

It was about the kabobs I put on the menu last Friday.

Apparently, 5,000 pointy wooden sticks in a racially divided school is a bad idea.

It's about Padma.

My Padma?

I'm not sure.

It's a common name in Cleveland.

Mimi met her.

Oh, my God.

Did Padma suffer, or was it quick?

I covered for you.

She doesn't know anything about the affair.

She just met her.

What's going on with you two?

We were nothing more than two lonely people looking for comfort on a sheet,

under the moonlight, until the villagers needed

their sheet back for the 11 o'clock show.

The main thing is, I now realize what's important.

My wife and son.

Okay, okay, okay.

I won't tell Mimi about Padma, but you gotta promise me that it's over with you two.

Absolutely.

I can virtually guarantee it.

Virtually?

You're gonna have to do better than that.

Okay, you can't cheat on Mimi again.

Luz and Oswald sold her a Tuppermaid container

that's the perfect size for human head.

I am not going to lie to Mimi.

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna tell her all about Padma and me.

I will make Mimi understand that I love her.

But Padma came halfway across the world from me.

I can't just desert her.

Well, when you tell her all this stuff, just make sure you're drinking iced tea.

Why?

I told him to ask for iced tea.

Look, they're obviously having some trouble, but

it's complicated when there's an ex involved.

You think I still have a shot?

Hey, she just boiled her ex-husband's genitals.

I think that makes you the front runner.

Fine, you say you're not ready to take me back, but I know your tea is usually

hotter than that, and that tells me something.

My damn story took so long, the water cooled.

Look, even if we can't be together, I still intend

to support my family and be a father to Gus.

Fine, the kid deserves a daddy.

It's the least you can do.

I could teach him how to make my famous cherry cobbler.

After you left, he traded his doll collection

to a girl in his class for a soccer ball.

I kinda like to keep the train on that track.

You know, I made those dolls myself.

I know.

That's why I went and bought him back from the girl, in case she ever came back.

All right, go ice your junk, you big Mary.

Hey, you all right?

Yeah.

I kinda wanted that to work out, but I think I did the right thing, didn't I?

Yeah, yeah, you did.

Hey, you know, if you really want to stick

with us, Steve, you would move in with Larry.

And if you act right now, I'll throw in a 32-inch color TV.

Hey, Mimi.

Hey.

Come on, look at you two.

Why find it?

You're made for each other.

I'll go get a truck.

We'll have you moved out of here by midnight.

Well, maybe we could start with a game of miniature golf and see how that goes.

I don't think you and I can go back to mini-golf.

Oh, I see.

No, no, no.

We'll get arrested.

They posted our pictures right near the little pencils.

What about behind the pin-setting machine at the bowling alley?

Ooh, you're on.

Yeah, and after you have sex at the bowling alley, we'll move the hell out of here.

Welcome to Youngstown, the jewel of Northern Ohio, a great place to raise a

family full of beautiful landmarks like the Butler Institute of American Art,

the Mahoning County Courthouse, and, of course, the beloved center of our

community, a 2,600-acre Mill Creek Park, serviced by 30 miles of paved road.

Within its boundaries are two 18-hole golf courses, three lakes, a working grist

mill, fellow's riverside gardens, Morley Entertainment Pavilion,

and a silver suspension bridge.

Yes, there's something for everyone in Youngstown.

Older Young.

Youngstown is your town.

Thanks for watching.