Original subtitles

Mimi, this is my cat.

Say hi to Lulu.

She's all lumpy.

Yep, those are tumors.

She is riddled with them.

But she's 21, which is really old for a cat.

Wow, it's like petting a bag of gumballs.

From now on, we're gonna split up Lulu's care.

I will handle her emotional needs, like cuddling

at night, and you will handle her medical needs.

Uh, for instance, time for her suppositories.

Trailer, it's your cat.

Wouldn't she be more comfortable with you touching her back there?

Yeah, she'd blind.

She doesn't know who's back there.

Well, if she's suffering so much, why don't

you just have the poor thing put to sleep?

I couldn't do that.

I've had her since she was a kitten.

No takers, she smells.

Yeah, yeah.

Is there a trailer, stupid cat, a suppository?

That's it.

I gotta find another job.

You can always go back to sitting behind a chicken

wire fence and letting kids stroke your back.

Hey, Scott.

Hey, Drew, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure, you're the boss.

It all pays the same.

Listen, I told a trailer we were out drinking last

night, so I'd appreciate it if you'd play along.

Oh, man, I don't know.

That kind of puts me in an awkward position.

I mean, I don't want to get between you and trailer.

Come on, man, just this once.

Yeah, but, I mean, isn't there something else I can do for you?

Like, maybe if you have a sick animal, like, I could put things in its bottom.

I really need your help here, man.

If trailer finds out what's going on, I am totally screwed.

Well, if you're seeing someone else, why don't you just break up with her?

Can't do that.

I love her.

Well, then, why don't you stop cheating on her?

I love her too much to make her do the things I need to have done.

I'd say something, but I'm afraid you'd clarify that.

Look, do it just this once, and you can watch the

Browns game this Sunday from the corporate luxury box.

Oh, man, I just don't know.

Drew, you two had a pretty good time last night.

Scott came home late and hammered.

You should have seen what happened at the bar.

It was hysterical.

Tell her, Drew.

LAUGHTER

This is amazing.

I can't believe they gave you complimentary binoculars.

Man, I can almost see the laces on the ball.

Kind of cold out there.

I'm going to buy the gymnast stretching out for the halftime show.

Okay, you're done with those.

Attention peasants.

It's the middle of the second quarter.

Better start lining up to buy your $6 beers.

There goes $6 bucks.

Time to line up again, you welfare cheats.

Honey.

Hi.

I'm Louis Kniskey.

I'm with drug code.

That's pharmaceuticals.

Yeah, I've heard of them.

What do you do there?

They call me the janitor.

When the money boys mess things up, I come in and mop it up.

You have an 8?

Anna.

Okay.

Sell me an Anna.

You've got 30 seconds.

You're an ass.

So, 28 seconds to spare.

I think we have 5 and 8.

See you then.

That is the nicest stadium bathroom I've ever been in.

It's so clean and there's no trough.

Nobody eyeing my junk, I was able to go like that.

Drew, this is so amazing.

I've never been to a place like this before.

Daryl certainly never brought me to a place this nice.

You know, by the way, always feel free to tell

me how much better I am than your ex -husband.

At least for one day I get to be like a rich person.

I feel like Cinderella.

Only plastered.

Instead of losing my shoe, I'll just throw up in my purse later.

You know what, I'm just going to take my cell phone back.

You must be doing really well at work if they're giving you perks like this.

I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, well, why wouldn't you be?

It's not like I did anything bad, you know.

I did something good.

Excuse me.

Hey, I'm starting to feel guilty about what I did to get this box.

I mean, I shouldn't.

All I did was lie to somebody to cover an affair.

Scott and Traylor aren't exactly saints.

It's not like you're trying to save Donnie Marie's marriage here.

Oswald, they're brother and sister.

Oh, good thing they broke up before they had kids, huh?

Here you go, Mimi.

Okay, bye now.

Hey, what's your hurry?

I've hardly seen you this whole week.

I'm so busy taking care of Traylor's stupid cat.

I spent my lunch trying to give it an insulin

shot without getting my eyes scratched out.

Mimi, well, Mimi, you don't have to take that.

I'm not.

I got a job interview tomorrow.

And until I get something else, I'm putting a cat's

repository in every cappuccino I serve trailer.

Hey, glad I caught you.

Traylor wanted me to give you this.

It's a sulfur bath for Lulu's sores and lesions.

Hey, you.

Hey.

You know, I have been thinking a lot about

you, and what a great time I had last night.

But I always have a good time with you, no matter where we go.

Oh, me too.

So anyway, I want to give you something.

It's the key to my apartment.

Wow.

Well, in that case...

I want to give you the key to my place.

Yeah.

Next time you're over, just, you know, get the spare

from underneath the fake rock by the front door there.

Or maybe it would be more of a gesture if I just gave you mine here, so...

you don't have to root around in the bushes.

All right.

That's great.

It's like my place is your place and your place is my place.

Yeah.

But don't look at the box marked rags.

It's in the top shelf of my closet.

Okay.

And don't look at the second drawer of my dresser.

Deal.

Oh, and remember, Drew, this weekend is my parents'

anniversary, and we're going to take them out to dinner.

Right.

Something nice.

Prime rib.

Yeah, I kind of make up for that coupon fiasco we had at the yogurt shop.

Honey, I was thinking, is there any way that you

could get Scott to give you that luxury box again?

You know, my parents are huge Browns fans, and you would just be the biggest hero if

you could treat them to something like this once in their lives.

I'm so sorry.

That was just kind of a one-time thing.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, honey, I understand.

You know, dinner will be great.

Start right it will.

Prime rib.

And I'm not using any coupons this time.

No way.

But we have to be there before five, and I'm

going to have to borrow your father's ID briefly.

Check it out.

Kelly and I just exchanged keys.

That's good, right?

Yeah, that's great.

Wow, that's a big step.

I'm guessing there's one drawer you're not supposed to open, right?

Yeah, how'd you know?

All girls have one.

And don't open it.

There's something in there you can't live up to.

Major, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

You're the boss, so it pays the same.

Okay, I need another favor.

A trailer asks if we were at the batting cages tonight.

Sure.

You know, that's great, because I could really

use the luxury box for the Browns game coming up.

You got it.

Fantastic.

Oh, one more thing.

I need to use your house to have sex in.

Oh, boy.

You know, I don't know.

My little nephew lives with me.

And even if he did, Mimi's there, and, you know, she's kind of an erection scarecrow.

Well, too bad.

Oh, you know, I already promised the luxury box to Ed Flanagan.

Who's Ed Flanagan?

Just a guy.

A guy with a house.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

There's got to be something else I can do for you.

I don't think so.

All right, fine.

Wait, wait.

What did an apartment do?

Yeah, sure.

Where is it?

It's upstairs.

It's Kelly's apartment, so we have to have some rules.

Stay out of the bed.

Got it.

And you have to be gone by 11 and no sex on any eating surfaces.

Great dove and couch it is.

I said no eating surfaces.

Oh, I'm exhausted.

What time is it?

Oh, it's after 11.

That's all I know.

Hey, Lewis.

Hey, Kelly.

Well, thanks for dinner and the movie, bowling.

And the pie and coffee.

My pleasure.

And taking me to the bookstore.

Yeah.

And to the docks to watch them unload the ships.

That was great.

Okay, I'm gonna go upstairs and go to bed.

No, no, no.

I refuse to let this magical evening end.

I'm sorry, honey.

I'm exhausted.

I worked all day.

That's very sweet.

But we've bowled four games and my feet are killing me, okay?

You know what's great for tired feet?

Dancing.

Dancing?

You hate dancing.

That's only because we haven't picked our song yet.

All right.

Hey, what about my sharia more?

You know, we shouldn't really rush through a big decision like this.

I think we should go over to the jukebox and look over some of the other songs.

True.

Let's see.

A-1.

Alone again naturally.

Nope.

A-2.

The bitch is back.

Yeah, I am tired.

This is important to me and it means a lot, okay?

Let's do this right.

A-3.

Hot Rod Lincoln.

Hot Rod Lincoln!

Hot Rod Lincoln, that is the end.

That's our song.

Good night.

Hot Rod Lincoln?

Are you sure?

Yes, Drew, it sums up everything that's beautiful in our relationship.

Well, you know, it's not, you know, officially our song until we dance to it.

My pappy said, son, you're gonna drive me to drink

it if you don't stop driving that Hot Rod Lincoln.

I hate this song.

Can I get this?

Yes.

Trailer asks, I'm at a funeral.

Oh?

Somebody in your family get poached?

Can't you show a little more respect?

I'm pretending to bury my aunt today.

That's the way you're really going.

I've got a job interview.

I scheduled it over lunch.

If it runs over, just cover for me, okay?

Mimi, I heard.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

What time of the service is?

Two o'clock.

Perfect.

Lulu has a three o'clock bed appointment and that

gives you 45 minutes to grieve unless there's traffic.

Fine.

If Lulu doesn't last till three, I'll just chuck her in the hole with my aunt.

Drew, I looked over your inventory control report.

Nice work.

Thank you.

I swear you wouldn't have time to get it done the way

you and Scott have been staying out late every night.

Oh, well, no matter what happens in my private

life, I'm still a valuable and productive employee.

Remember that?

No matter what else happens in this crazy world we live in.

Okay.

So, uh, even Scott must talk about a lot of things, you know, relationships and stuff.

We don't talk much.

We usually just brush each other's hair.

I was just curious because, you know, Scott and I were spending

all of our time together and now I hardly ever see him.

And I miss him.

Oh, really?

I thought it was more of a, you know,

recreational and business-oriented on your part.

It started out that way.

In the beginning, it was just cold and calculating sex.

And the next thing I knew, I wanted to cuddle and make him a green bean casserole

with those cute little crunchy onions on the top.

Yeah, well, maybe he's just taking a breather.

Boy, I gotta go to the bathroom.

Had to go to the bathroom before he came up.

Hey, hey.

What does she want?

Does she know anything?

No, but she's a person with feelings.

You didn't tell me that before I agreed to help you.

Now, look, man, I am out.

I'm out.

I want Kelly's key back.

I don't care if I do get to take her folks out of the luxury box.

All right.

Just I have to respect that.

You know, you've really been there for me, man.

Go ahead and take her parents to the box anyway.

Really?

I don't have to help you out with any of the other six remaining deadly sins?

Well, just enjoy.

Thanks again.

Thanks, man.

Hey, you know, I think I should tell you that

a trailer may have some real feelings for you.

Really?

Well, I'm starting to think that she was just using me, but if she really cares,

maybe I can lure her into a threesome.

Well, most therapists agree that can only strengthen a relationship.

So, tell me why you think you'd be a good fit for a pediatrician's office.

Well, I've worked as an office manager, so I'm very organized.

Plus, I have a five-year-old son, so I'm good with kids.

And I'm very sensitive to all kinds of suffering.

All right, then tell me about your computer skills.

I'm very comfortable with most operating systems.

Excuse me, doctor.

I think you left this in the bathroom.

Oh.

Yes, I did.

What a silly mistake.

Really?

Because it was wedged pretty tight behind the toilet.

For safety, of course.

Thank you so much for returning Lulu to me.

Well, I'm so sorry, Lulu.

You've had quite an adventure, haven't you?

Oh, my boss is Kat.

I'm watching it because she knows that I will shower it with love and compassion.

Now, are you comfortable handling a large volume of phone calls?

I've worked as a secretary, so I have excellent phone skills.

And I'm fluent in most spreadsheets and scheduling programs.

Now, now, Lulu, everything's gonna be fine, honey.

We use QuickBooks for billing here.

Are you familiar with that particular program?

Oh, yes.

The department store I used to work at.

We used QuickBooks there.

Having a job interview here, honey.

Anyway, QuickBooks was something that I was... Excuse me.

A creature is in pain, and I can't just stand by.

Get out there!

There was nothing in that needle.

You just injected that cat full of air.

Yeah, I kind of forgot the medicine, didn't I?

Well, you know, maybe it'll work anyway on, like, the placebo effect.

No, no, no, no, no.

I think you killed that cat.

You might be right.

You know, it goes without saying, but I'm gonna say it anyway.

I would never, ever inject the children here with air.

That was great.

Did you see my dad lean over and kiss my mom after the browns scored that touchdown?

And he wasn't even drunk.

I like how your mom put that giant shrimp in her purse to take home and show people.

Drew,

why is your boss having sex in my apartment?

Well, I don't know.

What the hell are you doing breaking into my girlfriend's apartment?

Excuse me, but we had this place till 11.

Drew, what's going on?

I saw this on 2020.

It's a new sick fetish where a boss gets his kicks out of breaking into his

employee's girlfriend's apartment and having sex.

How did that get in?

I don't know.

I didn't see the whole show.

I fell asleep in the middle.

Hi!

Get out of my apartment!

Go!

Wasn't that great when your mom called your aunt on the

cell phone and told about the size of those giant shrimp?

Don't be mad at Drew.

He didn't know I made a copy of your key.

I mean, I broke into your apartment.

I'm sorry.

You gave Scott the key that I gave you?

I'm sorry.

Okay, I get it.

You let me use the luxury box because you know it'd be

gone and you could come back here and use the apartment.

I don't believe you.

I trusted you, Drew, and you turned my apartment into a whorehouse.

I am not a whore.

I'm a barista.

Get out of my apartment!

Look, I know this is awkward bringing this

up now, but if trailer asks, we were fishing.

I know this is awkward to hear now, but I did this all for you.

Really?

Oh, and it's not a holiday, Drew.

It's not my birthday.

It's just because.

I thought me giving my key to you meant something to you.

It did.

It did.

It did.

But, you know, part of a relationship is learning each other's likes and dislikes.

And, you know, you clearly don't like this, so I won't do it again.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Drew.

Hey, Drew.

Hey, I got your new bed all set up and got your drinks dry-cleaned here.

Changed all the locks.

Repainted your whole bedroom, huh?

Thank you, Drew.

What's the deal?

I can catch you into the game.

But... did you wax my car?

Well, sweetie, you didn't really say anything about waxing your car.

I just thought you might want to, you know, to

make up for the giant betrayal and all that.

How long are you gonna bust his chops?

I don't know.

I was thinking two weeks or so.

But the problem is I'm running out of things for him to do.

We got rat traps going off in the attic like machine guns.

We could use someone to clear those out.

Consider it done.