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1
00:00:00,970 --> 00:00:04,050
Hey, everybody, don't forget, after you
sign up, there's the line where you can
2
00:00:04,051 --> 00:00:05,950
get your baby's picture taken for the
program.
3
00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:07,630
Excuse me.
4
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:10,290
You know, this is the beautiful baby
contest, right?
5
00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:12,690
It's your 20 bucks.
6
00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:16,230
Not a bad turnout.
7
00:00:17,010 --> 00:00:20,390
Good idea having this baby competition to
promote the new baby world department,
8
00:00:20,550 --> 00:00:20,590
Kenny.
9
00:00:20,870 --> 00:00:21,470
Thank you, sir.
10
00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:23,166
Still gonna be a judge for the contest?
11
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,190
No, even better.
12
00:00:24,270 --> 00:00:25,910
I'm going to be the master of ceremonies.
13
00:00:26,170 --> 00:00:30,150
I love babies, and I've always gotten
along rather well with them.
14
00:00:30,810 --> 00:00:31,510
Excuse me.
15
00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:32,550
I'm Nigel Wakehand.
16
00:00:32,710 --> 00:00:33,710
You are?
17
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:36,670
And you are?
18
00:00:37,930 --> 00:00:41,490
Someone who obviously thinks they're better
than me because of my humble beginnings.
19
00:00:41,710 --> 00:00:43,350
Well, let me tell you something,
Mr. Baby.
20
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:44,590
You've made an enemy today.
21
00:00:44,690 --> 00:00:45,690
Big mistake.
22
00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:48,350
Hey, bro.
23
00:00:48,770 --> 00:00:49,010
Hey.
24
00:00:49,430 --> 00:00:49,750
You know what?
25
00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:52,330
I think your nephew is a she-win for this
contest.
26
00:00:52,331 --> 00:00:54,234
Yeah, he's a
good-looking now, but don't forget that
27
00:00:54,235 --> 00:00:56,251
Mimi Jean waiting to go off on him like
a time bomb.
28
00:00:57,930 --> 00:01:00,070
Oh, there's Scott's little miracle.
29
00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:05,510
Oh, and there's the thing that fell out of
God's nose.
30
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:07,690
Prince of space of Monaco.
31
00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:09,010
They told me you would die.
32
00:01:10,630 --> 00:01:11,310
Bad news, Mimi.
33
00:01:11,590 --> 00:01:13,390
I couldn't find a babysitter for this
weekend.
34
00:01:13,890 --> 00:01:15,366
Hey, I'm not doing anything this weekend.
35
00:01:15,390 --> 00:01:16,390
Did you ask Marcy?
36
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:17,610
She's pregnant.
37
00:01:17,770 --> 00:01:18,130
So?
38
00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:20,370
Well, that's really hard on a 12-year-old.
39
00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:22,750
And what about Drew?
40
00:01:24,730 --> 00:01:28,510
The worst one was really creepy,
and even the worst was such a sad drunk.
41
00:01:29,150 --> 00:01:31,130
Such a worthless sack of crap.
42
00:01:32,810 --> 00:01:33,930
She doesn't want to impose.
43
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:35,730
Come on!
44
00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:37,334
I've been
asking you to babysit for over a year
45
00:01:37,335 --> 00:01:39,871
now, and you
always come up with some excuse.
46
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:41,790
He can't keep me away from him forever.
47
00:01:43,730 --> 00:01:46,570
Well, you know, that's not a lot more
threatening than I meant it to be.
48
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:50,610
I bet you haven't noticed, Jay,
these long years we've known each other,
49
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:51,810
but I hate you!
50
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:55,490
You want to get a love someone to let them
watch your baby?
51
00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:56,430
Forget it.
52
00:01:56,790 --> 00:01:58,590
Just call the bed and breakfast and
cancel.
53
00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:00,410
No.
54
00:02:00,570 --> 00:02:01,570
What?
55
00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:04,050
Drew's family, and he's going to watch
King Gus.
56
00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:08,030
Besides, you and I need some time
together, just the two of us.
57
00:02:08,690 --> 00:02:11,190
I want to make love to you without our
screams waking the baby.
58
00:02:12,490 --> 00:02:14,550
You know, her screams I never understood.
59
00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:15,670
Yours I get.
60
00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:17,550
All right.
61
00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:18,750
All right.
62
00:02:19,670 --> 00:02:22,812
You've got one
chance, but if anything goes wrong,
63
00:02:22,813 --> 00:02:25,851
if one hair on
that baby's head is... Relax.
64
00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:27,170
Go to your bed and breakfast.
65
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,230
Have a good time.
66
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,910
For Steve's sake, I hope they have a hell
of a breakfast.
67
00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:34,030
Hey, guys, what do we got?
68
00:02:34,810 --> 00:02:35,810
Oh, baby.
69
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:39,330
You know, I was thought that treason would
be your first death penalty crime.
70
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:42,210
No, you know my girlfriend, Colleen.
71
00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:42,930
It's her nephew.
72
00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:44,446
We're entering him in the contest.
73
00:02:44,470 --> 00:02:44,790
What for?
74
00:02:44,791 --> 00:02:47,190
We need the cash to buy new heating ducts.
75
00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:49,470
We fell through the old ones playing
Mission Impossible.
76
00:02:51,110 --> 00:02:53,230
You know, most guys, they need extra
money.
77
00:02:53,370 --> 00:02:55,930
They get a part-time job, work a little
overtime.
78
00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:57,646
At the very least, they
don't crawl through
79
00:02:57,647 --> 00:03:00,151
the heating ducts playing
Mission Impossible.
80
00:03:00,690 --> 00:03:02,450
Except, you shouldn't be holding a live
baby.
81
00:03:02,610 --> 00:03:03,610
Oh, too late.
82
00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:04,790
Super baby!
83
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:07,270
Spider baby!
84
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:11,740
Be on the moon!
85
00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:13,340
Stop it!
86
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:13,720
Stop it!
87
00:03:13,940 --> 00:03:14,940
For God's sake!
88
00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:18,120
It's like watching an amateur chainsaw
juggler.
89
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:22,120
So, there's the competition, huh?
90
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,880
Yeah, just steal it away from the mommy
gorilla.
91
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:27,500
Shut up.
92
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:28,700
Our baby's cute.
93
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,620
He can beat that punk-nosed melonhead any
day of the week.
94
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:32,740
That's my nephew.
95
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,620
Nobody calls my kid a melonhead.
96
00:03:34,780 --> 00:03:35,360
We just did.
97
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:35,980
Melonhead?
98
00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:38,440
I'd rather be a melonhead than a duty
head.
99
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:40,480
Oh, yeah, real mature.
100
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:41,420
Whoa, whoa.
101
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,380
Guys, better work on your insults,
you know.
102
00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:45,060
A little league's only a few years away.
103
00:04:34,570 --> 00:04:35,870
See, mama, that's your mama.
104
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:37,210
See?
105
00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:38,710
I'm not asking you to like it.
106
00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:39,550
I just want you to admit it.
107
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:40,670
Come on, mama.
108
00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:44,870
Do you really need all this child-proofing
stuff?
109
00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:49,770
I mean, I like the baby's as much as the
next person, but if this is what it takes
110
00:04:49,771 --> 00:04:51,950
to keep them alive, well, I just don't
know.
111
00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:54,846
I just want to make sure nothing goes
wrong.
112
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:56,303
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I'm trying to kiss
113
00:04:56,304 --> 00:04:57,990
Mimi's butt by teaching
him something new.
114
00:04:58,490 --> 00:04:59,250
I only got a half hour left.
115
00:04:59,390 --> 00:04:59,610
Come on.
116
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:00,450
Come on, buddy.
117
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:01,830
See, mama.
118
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,870
Look at mama.
119
00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:05,230
Come on, Gus.
120
00:05:05,510 --> 00:05:06,630
My dog can flush the toilet.
121
00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:08,530
Hey.
122
00:05:08,770 --> 00:05:10,910
Hey, this is a good idea.
123
00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:12,910
We should drunk-proof our house,
too.
124
00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:15,710
For me, it's for the baby.
125
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:17,410
Oh, wow.
126
00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:20,290
You know, if you put them in rehab,
you wouldn't need all this stuff.
127
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,310
Oh, yeah.
128
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,570
Yeah, they're all adorable.
129
00:05:24,670 --> 00:05:27,750
But the reason we're gonna win is because
we got something extra.
130
00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:29,506
Yeah, here's what we're thinking.
131
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:30,930
Now, people love music, right?
132
00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:32,350
Babies love to cry.
133
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,010
So you put the two together, what do you
get?
134
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:36,850
The newborn blues.
135
00:05:40,830 --> 00:05:42,070
That ain't no boy.
136
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:49,850
What do you think?
137
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,360
Thank you for not making you a rap number.
138
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,820
You know, come to think of it,
maybe this isn't such a good idea.
139
00:05:58,821 --> 00:06:01,180
I mean, it's only real talent here is
wearing sunglasses.
140
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,040
Which is really just having a nose.
141
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,380
I need to come up with a new gimmick,
but something simple.
142
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,040
We only got a few hours to the pageant.
143
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,000
Hey.
144
00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:10,480
What?
145
00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:13,380
How about if we teach him to play checkers
against a chicken?
146
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,840
Hey, uh, didn't you already play checkers
against a chicken and beat him?
147
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,840
Then he should beat me in checkers.
148
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,040
Just decide, and he'll beat you at
checkers.
149
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,320
Okay.
150
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:27,660
See you later, loser.
151
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:37,720
You know, if that's any indication,
Gus, you've got this pageant in the bag.
152
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,400
What is this?
153
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:40,540
Oh, that's so cute, Drew.
154
00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:42,360
You got a little fire hydrant to chew on.
155
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:43,960
Oh, hey.
156
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,720
That's a skinny dog toy.
157
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,160
Can you get
a... Is that the baby disinfectant wipes?
158
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,320
They're in the bathroom.
159
00:06:50,060 --> 00:06:51,060
Hey, buddy.
160
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,720
How many times do I got to tell you this...
It's a dog toy.
161
00:06:56,140 --> 00:06:57,541
This... It's a baby toy.
162
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,460
Drew, I can't get the drawer open.
163
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,880
Oh, it's baby-proofed.
164
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:03,920
They'll be right there.
165
00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:09,580
Hey, it's okay.
166
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,880
All you have to do is press this thing
down.
167
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:13,080
All of it's right up.
168
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,200
See?
169
00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:24,100
We're gonna have babies roof the door.
170
00:07:28,140 --> 00:07:29,880
Why isn't baby-proofed on the inside?
171
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:32,836
Okay, there's a logic to this.
172
00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:34,700
Now, say I have to go to the bathroom,
right?
173
00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:37,120
Naturally, I want to bring the baby with
me.
174
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:39,100
And let's say I die in the toilet.
175
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:40,580
Could it happen?
176
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:45,020
If the house catches on fire, the baby is
safe right in this room.
177
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,500
In a burning house with a corpse.
178
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,120
Make anything sound stupid by,
you know, repeating it?
179
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,400
Yeah.
180
00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:56,300
Oh, stupid thing.
181
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,600
All these cheap things.
182
00:07:57,820 --> 00:07:59,820
Can you believe this stupid piece of crap?
183
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,120
It's broken.
184
00:08:01,660 --> 00:08:02,660
Look at that.
185
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,960
Last time I buy anything and everything's
a quarter, let me tell you.
186
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:08,136
Follow me, our middle name.
187
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,160
What a bunch of bunk.
188
00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:15,501
I mean, the 25-cent bucket of crap is pretty
good, but everything else there blows.
189
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:20,040
Is there a can of shaving cream or
something I can hit it with?
190
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,520
Oh, scented candle, bubble bath.
191
00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:27,740
And the Titanic soundtrack.
192
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,900
Sometimes a guy just needs to make the
world go away.
193
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,240
Mm-hmm.
194
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:42,560
Squint.
195
00:08:43,220 --> 00:08:44,220
Stuck here.
196
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:46,920
Oh.
197
00:08:46,980 --> 00:08:48,020
What's he doing out there?
198
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,520
I can see him.
199
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,520
Okay, I know this is a long shot.
200
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:57,000
Hey, Gus, get your uncle Drew a
screwdriver.
201
00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,640
Dalton!
202
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,840
Oh, well, now I guess it's just a waiting
game, huh, Drew?
203
00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:07,180
What's going on?
204
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,120
I can't see Speedy or Gus.
205
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,260
Drew, I wouldn't worry about it.
206
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:16,140
They had a long day.
207
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:18,220
They're probably just lying together,
sacked out.
208
00:09:27,170 --> 00:09:28,370
Oh, he's just riding the dog.
209
00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:39,366
You know, if he gets
one scratch on him, I
210
00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:42,371
mean, he's never gonna
let me see him again.
211
00:09:44,590 --> 00:09:45,966
Here, give me something to nut the thing.
212
00:09:45,990 --> 00:09:46,990
Let's get your tweezers.
213
00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:49,830
Here, watch this.
214
00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:50,950
Here we go.
215
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,050
Ow!
216
00:09:52,970 --> 00:09:53,970
Ouch!
217
00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:56,010
It's gonna take too long.
218
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:57,106
I have to knock the door down.
219
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:57,370
Right.
220
00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:58,070
What?
221
00:09:58,510 --> 00:09:59,090
Can I knock a door down?
222
00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:02,050
Drew, you have an old person's railing
next to your toilet.
223
00:10:04,610 --> 00:10:05,790
Hey, I work hard in here.
224
00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:07,150
Sometimes I get a little dizzy.
225
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:32,880
Oh, God, he's okay.
226
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:34,380
Stupid door!
227
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:38,980
Drew, why are you flipping off the door?
228
00:10:38,981 --> 00:10:40,581
Because it makes me feel like a big man.
229
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:42,480
Welcome back to back.
230
00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:43,740
Oh, great.
231
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:48,500
Smells like beer and dog food and the
bathroom door's been torn off the hinges.
232
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:49,740
Questions will be asked.
233
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,345
And then
Jack fell down and broke his crown, and
234
00:10:54,346 --> 00:10:57,141
Jill applied
pressure until the paramedic came.
235
00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,720
Steve, are you back so soon?
236
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:00,580
Look at you three.
237
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:01,960
Aren't you an adorable picture?
238
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:03,900
Yeah, we're just doing a little reading.
239
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:04,400
Yeah.
240
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:05,920
Yeah, straight abroad is mine.
241
00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:07,260
Come here, little buddy.
242
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,480
Come here.
243
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,580
And what did you learn from your Uncle
Drew this weekend, huh?
244
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:18,680
Drew, you're flipping me the bird.
245
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,221
You know, you teach him to throw a beer
bottle and get yourself a little brown span.
246
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:29,740
I can't believe you taught him to give me
the bird.
247
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,000
Thanks to you, we can skip kindergarten to
go straight to the Navy.
248
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:35,860
Sorry, we got...
249
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:39,196
We got locked in the bathroom and, you
know, when I got the door loose finally, I.
250
00:11:39,197 --> 00:11:39,661
..
251
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:43,080
I might, uh, flip it off for a second or
two.
252
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:45,280
Poor little King Gus.
253
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:46,060
You know what?
254
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,633
He would have flipped
you off sooner or later
255
00:11:47,634 --> 00:11:49,060
when he realized the
name you stuck him with.
256
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:52,280
No, I can feel his dirty little finger
trying to get out.
257
00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:54,216
You know, Mimi's outside in the car.
258
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,467
If she comes in here
and finds out what you've
259
00:11:56,468 --> 00:11:58,981
done, she's not gonna
let you babysit anymore.
260
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:00,320
Okay, well, wait.
261
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,136
He's only doing it because it's something
new.
262
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,440
Let's teach him another gesture.
263
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,280
Let's teach him a thumbs up.
264
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:06,880
Oh, hey, how about this?
265
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,260
How about two thumbs up like the fox?
266
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,261
Yeah, yeah.
267
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:10,320
Let's go have a good try.
268
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:11,560
All right.
269
00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:12,740
Okay, ready?
270
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:14,920
Hey!
271
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:16,800
Hey!
272
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:18,720
Hey!
273
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:19,620
Hey!
274
00:12:20,180 --> 00:12:20,240
Hey!
275
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,900
I can't believe this struck the nation.
276
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,460
What's taking so long?
277
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,220
Just, uh, get stuff on my way out.
278
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:28,600
Come on.
279
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:31,700
Oh, Mommy's home, sweetheart.
280
00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:33,640
Oh, yes.
281
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,280
Did you miss your mommy?
282
00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,440
Did you just do it?
283
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,060
He did a Fonzie.
284
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:43,540
Oh, Fonzie.
285
00:12:43,940 --> 00:12:45,740
A perfectly acceptable gesture,
would you say?
286
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,420
Yeah, it was the cutest thing I ever saw.
287
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,200
Who taught him that?
288
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:50,780
A turn I did.
289
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:51,240
Yeah.
290
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,780
Well, you know, like to help out the
nephew.
291
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,500
All right.
292
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:57,620
You did okay.
293
00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,100
I guess you can babysit again.
294
00:12:59,540 --> 00:12:59,820
Great.
295
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:00,160
Hey.
296
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,736
I guess I'll be seeing you pretty soon
with that little fella.
297
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:03,040
Yeah.
298
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:04,560
Oh, God.
299
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,500
Why is the bathroom door off the hinges?
300
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:11,700
Did you ever buy crab, but, uh,
everything's a quarter?
301
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:18,030
And please welcome contestant number
eight, Melissa.
302
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,470
She's 13 months out.
303
00:13:21,710 --> 00:13:22,710
Her turn off is Mummy.
304
00:13:23,090 --> 00:13:25,090
Her turn off is Absence of Mummy.
305
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:26,430
Isn't she beautiful?
306
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,770
And that's 23 points.
307
00:13:32,990 --> 00:13:34,330
That's what you mean, it's the fourth
place.
308
00:13:34,331 --> 00:13:36,330
So our current leader is still...
309
00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:38,510
What single mother needs money?
310
00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:39,130
Oh, sorry.
311
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:40,310
Not to myself.
312
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:42,590
The leader is still Baby Hannah.
313
00:13:45,630 --> 00:13:48,450
And our next little baby is Zachary.
314
00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:51,210
He's 40 months old with his guardians,
Oswald and Louis.
315
00:13:54,070 --> 00:13:55,890
Randy Little Zach has a talent.
316
00:13:57,030 --> 00:14:00,349
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the
magical stylings
317
00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:04,250
of the infant illusionist,
the amazing Bambini.
318
00:14:06,870 --> 00:14:09,090
Dad, I thought this was supposed to be
about looks.
319
00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:10,850
What are we teaching our children here?
320
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:15,630
And for his first trick, there is nothing
up his sleeve.
321
00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:18,870
There is nothing in his diaper.
322
00:14:19,530 --> 00:14:22,610
You now pull a rabbit out of a hat.
323
00:14:29,810 --> 00:14:31,190
Believe your eyes.
324
00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:39,690
And now, for our final trick, a trick
never before attempted by a baby.
325
00:14:40,450 --> 00:14:46,230
Oswald, you slip the amazing Bambini into
the straight jacket of death.
326
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,390
Please lower the rope.
327
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:54,130
And have the ball of scorpions,
please.
328
00:14:55,910 --> 00:14:57,790
For God's sake, somebody stop them.
329
00:14:58,010 --> 00:14:59,150
Shut up, I want to see this.
330
00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:02,310
Time's up, amazing Bambini.
331
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:05,210
May we have the judge's decision,
please?
332
00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:09,750
Maybe Hannah is still in the lead.
333
00:15:14,170 --> 00:15:17,670
You need a license to cut hair,
but any idiot can buy a ball of scorpions.
334
00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:22,250
It brings us to our final contestant,
Baby King Gus.
335
00:15:22,910 --> 00:15:26,184
He's forcing Marta, his interests are
putting shoes in
336
00:15:26,185 --> 00:15:29,390
the toilet and
the boxes that expensive toys come in.
337
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,810
And the judge's decision...
338
00:15:32,811 --> 00:15:36,010
..and the Winford Light, the most
beautiful baby, is King Gus.
339
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,680
A check for $1,000.
340
00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:49,541
And for the baby, a DVD of the movie Pretty
Baby, which I assume is about a baby.
341
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,700
You must be very proud, Mrs. Burbank.
342
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,840
And would you like a photograph with a
camera, little man?
343
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,180
Hey, Juan, leave him alone.
344
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,240
And what about a pose with that,
the American flag?
345
00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:15,880
This is very freedom to do that,
which makes this country great.
346
00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:18,420
You're right.
347
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,340
Death to the traitor baby.
348
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,560
Give me that.
349
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,907
And the new.
350
00:16:27,477 --> 00:32:54,867
..
351
00:16:27,391 --> 00:16:29,490
It's so obvious what happened.
352
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:32,570
I've never been so mad at anybody in my
whole life.
353
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:33,750
I'm so sorry about this.
354
00:16:33,890 --> 00:16:35,450
Oh, stop trying to make me feel better.
355
00:16:35,810 --> 00:16:37,730
I flipped somebody off once in a car.
356
00:16:37,870 --> 00:16:38,910
He must have picked it up.
357
00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:40,910
I'm a terrible mother!
358
00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:43,730
It's not what you think.
359
00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:44,810
Don't go tell her.
360
00:16:44,930 --> 00:16:45,670
What are you talking about?
361
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,010
You see how upset she is?
362
00:16:47,190 --> 00:16:47,230
Me!
363
00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:48,890
She finds out it's me.
364
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:50,710
I'm never going to be able to see Gus
again.
365
00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:53,130
It took me a year to be able to babysit a
kid once.
366
00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:54,510
You know, Drew's right.
367
00:16:54,670 --> 00:16:57,090
Mimi's looking for any excuse to keep Drew
out of Gus's life.
368
00:16:58,230 --> 00:16:58,850
Come on.
369
00:16:59,070 --> 00:17:00,890
She'll get over it in a day or so.
370
00:17:01,450 --> 00:17:01,910
Look at me.
371
00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:03,370
I might never even have kids.
372
00:17:05,410 --> 00:17:06,410
All right.
373
00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:07,990
Hey.
374
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:09,770
Sorry about the contest, Steve.
375
00:17:09,870 --> 00:17:10,870
You guys got robbed.
376
00:17:11,090 --> 00:17:11,850
Yeah, but don't worry.
377
00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:13,130
There's always next year.
378
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:17,731
Hey, do you think we can teach a baby to
shoot an apple off my head with a crossbow?
379
00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:19,150
What do we got to lose?
380
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:27,670
Hey, Mimi.
381
00:17:28,170 --> 00:17:30,650
Here's Steve taking it at dinner and the
racetrack night.
382
00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:32,530
I suggest the racetrack first.
383
00:17:32,650 --> 00:17:33,650
You'll run faster.
384
00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:35,510
Yeah, yeah.
385
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:36,210
You're a pig.
386
00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:36,930
I'm a horse.
387
00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:38,370
What are we doing here?
388
00:17:39,110 --> 00:17:39,630
How are you?
389
00:17:39,990 --> 00:17:43,090
Well, how would you like it if because of
you your kid flipped off the flag?
390
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:43,850
Come on, Mimi.
391
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:45,030
That was a week ago.
392
00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:46,770
I don't think you understand.
393
00:17:47,390 --> 00:17:49,750
You probably
don't know this to look at me, but my
394
00:17:49,751 --> 00:17:52,151
parents weren't the
classiest people in the world.
395
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:55,710
Well, the trucker and the adult bookstore
owner, get out of here.
396
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:59,930
Anyway, I promised myself that I would
bring Gus up better.
397
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:02,930
And here it is almost a year now,
and I'm just doing worse.
398
00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:04,930
Here.
399
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:06,550
We'll be back about 11.
400
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:09,990
Hey, Mimi.
401
00:18:12,070 --> 00:18:13,770
Gus didn't, uh...
402
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:15,366
Gus didn't get that from you.
403
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:16,390
He got it from me.
404
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,230
He did?
405
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:19,470
I don't believe this.
406
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:22,930
And for a whole week, you let me think
that I was a bad mother.
407
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:27,170
Yeah, I was afraid if you thought it was
me, you won't let me babysit Gus anymore.
408
00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:28,810
Well, you're right.
409
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:31,190
Because you're never babysitting him
again.
410
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:32,090
Come on.
411
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:32,690
That's no fair.
412
00:18:32,790 --> 00:18:33,806
You did in front of him, too.
413
00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:34,830
I had an excuse.
414
00:18:35,270 --> 00:18:37,950
I was late for a movie, and I got stuck
behind a funeral procession.
415
00:18:39,390 --> 00:18:40,910
Let's get out of this dumb Gus.
416
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:42,570
We're going to the racetrack.
417
00:18:42,571 --> 00:18:43,571
Mama.
418
00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:47,190
My God.
419
00:18:47,870 --> 00:18:48,870
You said his first word?
420
00:18:49,390 --> 00:18:50,390
Mama.
421
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,430
That's right, honey.
422
00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:52,170
I'm here.
423
00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:52,610
Mama.
424
00:18:52,850 --> 00:18:53,470
I taught him that.
425
00:18:53,471 --> 00:18:54,750
I taught him that when I speak.
426
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:56,030
You did?
427
00:18:56,110 --> 00:18:57,266
You taught him his first word?
428
00:18:57,290 --> 00:18:57,470
Mama?
429
00:18:57,950 --> 00:18:58,230
Yeah.
430
00:18:58,810 --> 00:19:01,090
I wanted you to think it was a good
influence on him.
431
00:19:02,170 --> 00:19:03,170
Oh.
432
00:19:06,530 --> 00:19:07,830
Well, you know what?
433
00:19:08,170 --> 00:19:11,810
I can't take Gus to the track,
because he's allergic, too.
434
00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:13,810
Horses?
435
00:19:13,870 --> 00:19:14,870
Yeah.
436
00:19:15,390 --> 00:19:17,270
Would you mind watching him tonight?
437
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:18,330
I'd love to.
438
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:19,890
Okay.
439
00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:20,510
Come here, buddy.
440
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:21,730
There you go.
441
00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:23,310
Bye-bye.
442
00:19:23,470 --> 00:19:23,750
Bye-bye.
443
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:24,910
Can you say bye-bye?
444
00:19:24,950 --> 00:19:25,230
Say bye-bye.
445
00:19:25,610 --> 00:19:26,610
Bye-bye.
446
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,090
If you had four fingers on that,
it's a wave.
447
00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:33,730
He's
448
00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:40,250
completely away from us now.
449
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:40,750
Sorry.
450
00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:42,646
The only unsmall apple is left at the
store.
451
00:19:42,670 --> 00:19:43,510
Can I wear a medal helmet?
452
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:44,690
It just makes him nervous.
453
00:19:45,190 --> 00:19:45,810
Okay, let's hurry up.
454
00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:47,130
It's almost time for your bath.
455
00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:53,000
Maybe you don't need a bath.
456
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:57,380
Okay, fire.
457
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,400
Whose cat is that?
458
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,840
It's God's cat now.
30112
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