All language subtitles for The.Drew.Carey.Show.S05E22.Mr.Wick.Returns-ing

Mimi, is everything ready for the white
sale?

Yep.

Did you notify all the department heads
about all the sale prices?

Yep.

Have you ever run into the Kentucky Derby?

Yep.

You're not even listening to me!

The sale could make or break my career!

Calm down, Priscilla.

All you gotta do is open up the store, act
like a manager, and take all the credit.

Hey, I put a lot of work into this thing.

I was up at five in the morning dealing
with all the buyers.

What am I doing?

I'm the boss now.

Shut up or you're fired.

I'm sorry, Mimi.

I was kind of harsh.

Yeah, it was very harsh.

Hey, shut up, Mimi!

Shut up!

Hello, Mimi.

Hello, Drew.

No, no, no.

Kiss me, or if you kissed Mimi,
that's how Ebola got started.

I found something in here that I think is
gonna help you get pregnant.

A little blindfold for your penis.

It's a catalog for couples, see?

Vibrating panties.

And look, they even have remote control.

Yeah, I should get these.

The doctor said if I had more orgasms,
it would increase my ovulation,

then I'd have a better chance of getting
pregnant.

Well, that's one smart veterinarian he got
there.

Every minute we stand here talking is one
less minute for me to vibrate.

Go.

Buy me those panties.

Go!

How would you like a larger... Oh,
yeah, I'm gonna fall for that again.

One night in the ER was funny.

Thank you very much.

Mr. Wick, what are you doing here?

I'm finished my retraining in Toledo,
and I'm starting again in the mail room.

The new Mr. Wick is standing before you
now, just a humble man.

I'm naked, asking they begging for your
forgiveness.

V-5-4, fine, I smell a load of crap.

Sorry, I suppose I deserved that.

Look, everybody deserves a second chance.

Welcome back.

Thank you, Mr. Carey.

Your kindness is an inspiration.

I'll get right back to work.

I just need you to sign for this parcel.

Oh, sure thing.

Wait a minute.

There's another piece of paper under here.

Look at this.

You got you to okay a phony ad for your
white sale.

This was gonna run in all the papers.

Come on down to Drew Carey's white folks
-only sale.

He's trying to trick you out of your job.

Do you think I'd forget how coldly you
dispatched me?

When I was suffering through my
retraining, I made myself this vow.

I, Nigel Wick, swear
by all that is holy, I will

avenge my fire in my
ruined Drew Carey's career.

See, ask for details.

Curious?

I'm not really a detail man.

I'm more of a big picture guy.

Listen, I know how hard it is to start
over, so I'm gonna let this one go.

I don't need your charity.

I will not rest until I am once again
store manager.

Here is your people magazine.

See?

You always think I'm the bad guy out to
get you.

This time I saved your butt, didn't I?

I don't think you're a bad guy,
Mimi.

I just think you're a horrible woman.

Carey, wanna make sure everything was set
for the sale tomorrow?

I'm coming in late, so you don't have to
open the store.

I'll be there bright and early,
sir.

Okay.

Is that the ad for the white sale?

Let me see it.

No, it's not ready yet.

Let me see what you got so far.

No, it's not ready.

Carey, let me see what's in your hand now.

Okay, I guess there's no reason to be
ashamed.

It's a copy of some boudoir pictures I had
taken to myself for Kate.

I'm in a thong.

I have a hunch that you're covering,
but I can't take that chance.

It's such a crude attitude.

It's back where it belongs.

Now, listen.

When I get home tonight, I
expect to see all the garbage

shipped over in a dead
squirrel on the front porch.

Can I, uh, help you?

You do, Carey?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I can't reveal my employer, ma'am.

How come you can call me ma'am?

I was instructed to.

It amplifies the humiliation.

Ma'am?

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Carey, we had hundreds of people trying to
get into the store this morning.

Where in the hell were you?

A cowboy last-sewed me in a hard time in
my backyard.

Carey, sometimes we want something to happen
so badly, we actually think that it did.

Look, I have the rope to prove it.

Sometimes we want something so bad,
we actually go out and buy the props.

I think Wick hired the cowboy to make me
late for the sale and to make me look bad.

Would you quit trying to weasel out of
this?

Today was the first time in 100 years that
the store didn't open up in time.

Thanks to you, we lost customers and we
lost sales.

I'm sure the new manager won't make the
same mistake.

What?

Carey, I have to demote you back to your
old job.

I have no choice.

Give me a chance.

I'm bringing the cowboy.

He'll confess.

It's the Code of the West.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I have to answer to the board of directors
and they're gonna want a new manager.

When you're not gonna have to look far,
I'm ready to start right now.

You ain't got kidding me.

Hey, I opened the store this morning.

I know everything about this job.

When Wick was here, I practically ran the
place.

But you're a secretary.

Hey, I know everything about this store.

If you don't believe me, why don't you
just give me a test?

Alright, I'm okay.

Play along with your little game.

Say we have a group of teamsters down on
the loading docks, ready to strike.

What do you do?

Well, teamsters want respect, so I'd agree
to their raise, and then I'd make them pay

for it by rolling their medical benefits
back.

Not bad.

Not bad.

Sir, if you come to my office,
I can show you actual vote birds.

Hey, if you just give me a chance, sir, I
guarantee that you won't be disappointed.

Alright, I'll give you one day while I
find the replacement.

Okay, and if I do a good job, I get to be
the store manager.

Yeah, and if you screw
up, you don't get the job,

and you can't wear that
makeup to work ever again.

Right?

I know I can do it.

Let's make it official.

Sir, this is a big mistake.

Listen, I know the cowboy damaged my
credibility, but I've seen her bite people.

Gary, give her the keys to the office and
to the company, Jack.

But...

Alright.

But I am keeping my I'm a winner keychain.

I had a feeling something like this might
happen.

Here's your craft.

Ma'am.

Excuse me.

There's no way you're gonna make a whole
day running the store.

You know who's gonna come out on top?

The winner.

And the world's greatest slumber.

Look, you gotta think of something.

There's no way Mimi's gonna be the store
manager.

Hey, I know it'll get Mimi fired.

When she's in charge
tomorrow, you talk everyone

into having a work slowdown
so nothing gets done.

Yeah, great.

We'll call a project just like every other
day.

Well, I know how people
get fired at drug code

and complain about the
pain chip in their neck.

Oh!

Well, I wish I could help
you out, Drew, but getting

fired is one thing I don't
have to worry about.

When you catch your boss putting his wife's
head in a box, you got a job for life.

Uh, Kate, honey, how about you?

I mean, you've had a little bit of
experience getting fired.

Yeah, but that's just
because I refuse to play the

man's game and show up
for work five days in a row.

Come in.

Mr. Wick.

What?

The same thing that you want, to destroy
Mimi.

And I have a plan.

I call it Operation Take Down the Clown.

Well, how's it work?

Don't know.

I spent all night on the title.

Yeah.

Why should Drew trust you?

You tried to get him fired.

Oh, good lord!

That white's only prank his ancient
history.

How long are you going to hold that over
my head?

It was yesterday.

Oh, all right, then.

How about this?

We unite to destroy Mimi, and then it's
every man for himself.

What do we need you for?

It's your big plan to get Mimi fired.

Well, let's see.

I've been fired for a variety of reasons.

I must become up with something.

There was drunk, drunk.

Then I forget the legal term, but whipping
it out in an elevator.

Then drunk, drunk, and whipping it out in
an office.

I was telling the elevator story at a
different job.

I wish there was a way we'd get Mimi drunk
at work.

I've got it.

Every day with lunch, Mimi has a pickle.

We can take that pickle, soak
it in grain alcohol, she won't

know she's getting drunk
because it has no taste or smell.

I like it.

Yo, pickle switch.

I learned it from another drunken rehab.

She was an old slavic woman.

Yeah.

She used to sneak them in in the folds of
her pendulous breasts.

You haven't hit rock
bottom until you've fought off

three other drunks to suckle
on a Hungarian booby pickle.

Wrote me once, shame on you.

Wrote me twice, shame on me.

Johnson, that truck's not gonna unload
itself.

I want that merchandise on the shelves
pronto.

Hey, customer service, why have I had three
complaints and sporting goods this morning?

I need you on that.

Kenny, where the hell were you?

That big cowboy tied me up again this
morning.

It's too late to get Mimi drunk now.

It's almost the end of the day.

Damn it, Kenny, I should never have put my
pickle in your hands.

Hello?

Have I been talking to the new store
manager?

Five more minutes till closing,
and it's all mine.

Cool, I'm so proud of you.

Now, the doctor said
that tonight is your prime

ovulation time, so here
are your special panties.

Oh, please.

Put them on at the restaurant.

Don't put them on now.

It'll make the ride over so much fun.

Every time we hit a red light...

Let's not take the freeway.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Drew, isn't it great about Mimi?

It doesn't bother you at all that she got
me fired.

What are you talking about?

She said you stopped
being store manager

because you wanted to
spend more time with Kate.

No!

No, she made me late for the sale,
and she humiliated me in front of the boss.

She had him hog-tied by a cowboy.

Yeah, it's true, and we got over 50
Polaroids to prove it.

Here's Drew being hog-tied.

Here's Drew yelling at me and Oswald not
to take pictures.

Here's Oswald holding a stick with dog
poop on it and Drew's face.

Oh, my God.

She lied to me.

Oh, Drew, I am so sorry.

I had no idea.

Well, I'm not gonna need this remote.

If she wants her panties to vibrate,
she's gonna have to do it herself.

It would be a terrible, terrible,
terribly funny thing to do.

No, we can't do it.

It's too mean.

Oh, look, our last two screw-ups of store
managers informed the club.

Come on, everyone.

I want you to meet the new store manager.

She's more mad than both of them put
together.

Tell me, let's start her engines.

Mr. Sola.

Mimi, you've done a great job.

I just want to introduce the board to our
new store manager.

Congratulations.

I think she's got them on.

There's only one way to find out.

Oh, it's so nice to meet you.

She's real.

Give her the juice.

I can't do it.

I can't give Mimi pleasure.

Well, I've never really pleasured a woman.

Let me try.

It was nice of all of you to stop by,
and now I better get back to work.

Steve, honey, you can stop now.

Mimi, are you okay?

Yes, yes, yes!

Spank your ass!

Spank your ass!

I'm gonna go back to my office now.

Mimi, you're embarrassing me.

Get a grip on yourself.

Too late!

Mimi, I need to talk to you.

Not now!

Mimi.

Just give me a minute, please!

I don't know what the hell is going on
here, but it's very unprofessional.

Well, I can explain.

I'm trying to get pregnant, so I'm wearing
vibrating panties, because the doctor told

me that... You're waving at
your world of beautiful authors?

On the one day that you have to prove
yourself as star manager?

Mimi, that's it.

I'm demoting you back to secretary.

I'm sorry.

No, Mr. Star, wait!

Wait, wait, no!

I'm going to my office.

Whoever has that remote, just turn it on
high and leave it by the coffee shop.

Hey, uh, Mr. Szilard, can I talk to you
for a second?

Yeah, what is it?

Uh, now that the
manager's job is open again,

I'd like to throw my
hat back into the ring.

There won't be any more screw-ups,
because the cowboy's gone.

I hear you got sick of the rules and
pushed down Mexicali way.

Some say he's dead.

Others say he's assembling Hyundai's.

Sorry, Carrie, but we hired a new manager
already.

Hello, Carrie.

There you go.

Say goodbye to your weekend.

While we're at it,
I'll need you to work

Thanksgiving Day, Christmas
Eve, and your birthday.

What did you hire him again for?

Well, he was the most
experienced, and he did finish his

retraining as he pointed
out over Pickles last night.

Why don't we discuss my new salary over a
nice bumpy gherkin?

Mimi, I thought we had a deal,
but you never wear makeup again.

Ah, ah, ah, you said not to wear my
makeup.

Monday through Thursday, I'm the members of
Kiss Friday, a tribute to Michael Jackson.

Well, Mimi, you might
have kept me from getting

the manager's job, but
at least you didn't get it.

Yeah, but you might
have been responsible for

shaking an egg loose from
my hen house, Uncle Drew.

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

Hey, who left some beer on?

Why are you leaving on the ground?

Sometimes Drew's an idiot.

Well,

little ladies, this is from Drew Carey.

It's a payback for the poop stick.