All language subtitles for The.Drew.Carey.Show.S05E19.Whats.Wrong.with.This.Episode.3.(With.Corrections)-ing

Hello, I'm Drew Carey.

It's March 1st, so it's time for our
annual April Fool's Show.

Here to tell you more about it is my
girlfriend, Kate.

I said here's Kate.

Can't we just tell people this is our
annual April Fool's contest?

Hey, Kate.

Ah, damn, baby, you're looking good.

You wouldn't let me on whose line is it
anyway, but you make me do this?

There's going to be mistakes like this all
throughout the episode.

Over 50 of them.

So keep your eyes open for mistakes,
because the game is starting right now.

And here's some more buzz beer we can't
use.

And here's some more buzz beer you
contaminated.

It's all going in the trash.

We're sorry, Drew.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Everything's a good idea at the time.

Lead and paint was a good idea at the
time.

SFS was a good idea at the time.

Nuclear tests you could look at were a
good idea at the time.

Yeah, well, my dad watched
nuclear tests, and we had

asbestos in our house,
and I used to eat lead paint.

What?

Look, I'm working 60 hours a week now with
store manager.

I don't have time for this crap.

Well, we were trying to save time.

He does such a good job at drug code,
we thought he could help us clean the vats.

Yeah, he reaches places we can't.

I don't care how talented he is,
he's still a monkey with a toilet crush.

What does he want now, a banana or
something?

No, just a little respect.

Well,

I gotta get to work.

While I'm gone, Chester's in charge.

Thank you.

All this energy calling me, back where it
comes from.

It's such a crude attitude, it's back
where it belongs.

All the little chicks in the green to the
rich, there are thieves in the box,

thieves in the box.

They've been insane, they're the size of
creatures, darling.

Hey, Mimi, any messages?

Yeah, your head called for your ass, it's
going to be a little late coming in today.

Well, yeah, well, I got a message for you.

Hey, how are you doing?

Well, you're the first one of us to have a
real office, so now we just don't hang out

at your house, we also have a little place
in the city.

Congratulations, Drew, it took you 20
years, but you finally have a ceiling.

Excuse me, I have a little bit of work to
do.

Norm, your show's not on now, it's on
next.

Hey, don't tell ABC, but I like to have a
few beers before the show.

Yeah, like they never noticed.

Hey, listen, Drew, before
we get to work, we've got to

tell you about our new Buzz
Beer St. Patty's Day promotion.

Alright, wow me.

Okay, you know how everybody gets drunk
and gets into fights on St. Pat's Day?

Yeah.

Well, we put a quarter in
every bottle, so at the first

sign of trouble, people can
use it to phone the police.

Well, how do you get the quarter out?

What do you think?

You don't see anything wrong with this?

This doesn't look like trouble to you?

Drew, I know they're taking credit for it,
but it was actually the monkey's idea.

Oh, I'm sorry, are you here, Billy's
feuding?

Hey, I only played a hillbilly in one
movie, and actually, I'm quite right.

I'm sorry, Mr. Solari.

My friends and I have a business on the
side.

We eat brew Buzz Beer.

Buzz Beer?

I've seen it at the liquor store.

Your liquor store sells beer.

Buzz Beer?

No, a bum outside drinks it.

Hey, the bum promotion paid off.

I don't know what's in it, sir,
but I'd be honored if you gave it a try.

It's coffee and beer.

Like our slogan says, they could get
smashed all over again.

Hey, this doesn't suck.

That was our second choice for a slogan.

Well, are we making up to pay the bills
and make a few extra bucks on the side?

You know, I've been trying to set my
brother all up in the business,

you know, so he can stop mooching off of
me.

Well, you know, stop that the business can
be kind of expensive.

So, are you selling?

I mean, I don't want you to get your hopes
up to, uh, because all I have is 75 grand.

$75,000?

Permission to Cabbage Patch, sir.

I'll take that back.

I only have 60,000.

No problem.

This calculation only had 40,000,
because that was kind of hard to watch.

But, you know, since we have a good price,
do we have a deal?

Absolutely.

No, I've got to check my partners,
but that's just from LA.

And I'd be so happy to give my brother-in
-law out of my house.

And, Drew, if this deal happens,
I'm going to teach you how to dance,

because I don't know what the hell you was
just doing.

Bridge, I'm ready for my next scene.

So, what's the big deal, bro?

Yeah, we never had an emergency meeting
with Buzz Beard before.

Well, there was that one where we talked
about dropping one of the partners.

I wasn't invited to that.

Hey, Bessie.

Okay, well, sit down.

I got some great news.

My boss, Mr. Solard, wants to buy Buzz
Beard for $40,000.

What?

After we pay off all the loans for the
equipment, we'll each make about $3,000.

Hey, the lips are waiting and the ass
ain't shy either.

Well, I said that Buzz Beard was for sale.

Yeah.

I got us a great deal.

Buzz Beard doesn't make us any real money.

Well, what about the future?

I know we'll make money.

More teenagers are drinking now than ever
before.

We can't get out now.

Yeah, but if we weren't making any money,
I wouldn't want to sell Buzz Beard.

By my age, you're either a mother or a
career woman.

With Buzz Beard, I'm a career woman.

I am.

I have a briefcase.

What's in it?

Yeah, my purse.

I thought you guys would be happy.

I mean, I know I'd be happy,
because I don't know if I could

be store manager and work
on Buzz Beard at night anymore.

Oh, I see.

Now that you've got yours, who cares about
everybody else?

Success has changed you, man.

I saw that pamphlet on your coffee table.

Everything you need to know about call
waiting.

You're flying too close to the sun,
my friend.

Why don't we just take a vote?

Who wants to sell Buzz Beard and strangle
our little dream in its sleep?

Well, that's a little biased.

Come on.

I say we take a vote.

Sell Buzz Beard will all
make thousands of dollars,

which I will use to shower a
special someone with gifts.

He's talking about me.

Oh.

Okay, who wants to sell Buzz Beard?

Who doesn't want to sell Buzz Beard?

Oh, come on.

My boss is going to kill me.

He thought we had a deal.

Well, who votes to pretend we have
sympathy for Drew?

Oh, that's terrible.

Did you get so hard, Colin?

Yeah.

He's coming down in a minute to give you
the check for Buzz Beard.

Crap.

I got to work fast.

Are Oswald and Moose inside my office?

Yeah.

Hey, nice hat for.

Found a lot of mistakes in the Drew Carey
show.

Wait a second.

I'm not supposed to know this.

That's another one.

Hey, I'm glad you guys came down.

I've got a great idea, and I think it's
going to make everybody happy.

We're buying the Partridge Family bus on
eBay.

I was thinking, yes, I want to sell Buzz
Beard, but I also thought since I have a

little success, I should share it with my
friends.

So I'm offering you both really good jobs
here at the store.

Oh, wow.

Why would you want to do that?

Well, I figured if you both had really
good jobs, then you wouldn't need Buzz

Beard and I'd have enough votes to sell
it.

Oh, I see.

Well, so what are the jobs?

Well, Lewis, I want you to have my old
job.

You're going to be the new assistant
director of personnel.

Why me?

Well, you're in charge
of all the janitors

at Drunko, so you know
how to manage people.

And you're really smart.

You were a straight-A student until you
met Oswald.

Remember what I told you, buddy.

Smarty had a party, and nobody came.

I don't know.

Drew, the closest I've
ever been to a desk job is

sitting backwards on the
toilet, writing out a tank.

Well, my cubicle's kind of like a toilet.

I mean, it has walls, has graffiti, and
Mimi's always floating around somewhere.

You know, I'm not
going to quit my job, but I

could take some vacation
days, give it a shot.

You know what?

You got a deal.

Thanks for trusting me with this kind of
responsibility.

No, thanks.

Necessary.

I picked all these jobs based on your
abilities.

Well, so what's my job, buddy?

Say hello to the first man to ever work in
women's lingerie.

Lingerie?

I don't know anything about lingerie.

Why would I want to hang out with a bunch
of women only wearing their underwear?

So, do we have a deal?

I don't know.

I like my job, and I don't want to sell
Buzzbeer.

Excuse me, sir.

I need some help.

Do I look all right in this teddy?

So now I have to change my name,
too?

Excuse me, sir.

I seem to have lost my thong.

I'm sorry, Drew.

It's a great job, but it's not worth
giving up Buzzbeer for.

Ah, crap.

I think he had a hard time picturing you
in a thong.

But I don't.

Carrie, my brother-in-law loved the idea.

Here's the check.

Let's make this deal.

I gotta be honest, sir.

My partners don't want to sell,
and I can't sell you Buzzbeer.

What?

Come on, we had a deal.

My wife is gonna kill me.

Nobody told you to shoot your mouth off to
your woman.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hi.

I'm your new assistant director of
personnel.

Carrie, you're in deep trouble.

If I don't get Buzzbeer, you won't have a
job.

Don't worry about it, Drew.

I got a plan that might help.

You take care of Kate, I will hand the
laws walled.

This is what we're gonna do.

And that's what we're gonna do.

We really mean it.

That's what we're gonna do.

Gee, Drew, the carnival was great.

Thanks for spending all that money to give
me the balloon.

Don't mention it.

And thanks for spending
all that money to give

me a second balloon
when I let go of the first.

I don't know how I'm ever gonna pay you
back.

Just remember all the good times we had
today.

And, uh, there is one other thing.

Hey, Drew, did the carnival trick get
Oswald to give you his Buzzbeer boat?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You know, Operation Three Ring,
dumbass.

I can't believe this.

You lied and tricked me.

That's not the spirit of the carnival.

Oh, yeah?

Well, here's another one.

I'm not gonna frame your spin-art.

I'll talk to him, Drew.

Hey, Drew.

All right.

Hey there, Kate.

What's the matter?

Oh, I just came from the doctor.

Oh, thank you, Carl.

Yeah, it's the stress from managing the
store and trying to make Buzzbeer work.

He says my heart murmur is turning into a
shout.

Thank you.

I have no idea.

What does this mean?

Well, I can't have my job, my health,
and Buzzbeer.

You choose, honey.

Drew, I mean, if you put it that way,
I guess... I couldn't catch him, Drew.

Maybe the medical scam will work on Kate.

Drew, I can't believe you just did that.

There is no way in hell you're getting my
Buzzbeer vote.

But, Kate, honey, wait, I...

Well, I guess it's my fault I don't want to
start hanging out with you 30 years ago.

Nobody forced you.

Hey, Geppetto.

Pinocchio.

What are you doing here?

After the movie we made, you said we'd be
best buddies and hang out together.

Yeah, but then you
started wearing the outfit

all the time and calling
yourself Pinocchio.

That kind of creepy.

Where's your mom, right here?

I don't have them, Mom.

You made me out of wood.

Okay, well, I want you to just get them
out of here.

Wait!

Wait!

What?

Morning, pig.

Morning, twig.

Hey, it's like the number ten just walked
in.

Now, listen, when
Oswald gets in here, it's

going to be our last
chance to sell Buzzbeer.

You sure get him to change his vote?

We're talking to the guy who convinced him
that airlines don't have silverware,

so he should sneak his own knife aboard
the plane.

Hello, human resources.

It's glued to my head.

So what are you going to do to get her
back?

You just can't hit her.

I'm only going to hit her until I get her
to the ground, then I'm going to kick her.

No, you have to do something clever to get
her back.

Oh, I get it.

You guys are like the roadrunner in Wylie
Coyote.

Gee, I never thought of it like that.

Can you help me with this?

Hey, I hope you guys didn't bring me down
here to get me to sell Buzzbeer,

because I don't want a new job,
I don't want to go to the circus,

I don't want anything, and there's no way
you're going to get me to change my vote.

Not even for... a bunny?

So, do you agree to sell Buzzbeer?

Oh, you'll get your precious vote.

If you meet my conditions, isn't that
right, Commander Bun-Bun?

I want my share plus ten percent.

All right, done.

And an additional five percent.

So, you want fifteen percent?

But yes.

All right, then we have a deal.

Not so quickly, my friends.

I want one other condition, and this is
absolutely non-negotiable.

I want... another bunny!

You really shouldn't be alone.

Well,

I officially called over to the last
meeting of Buzzbeer.

Hey, who wants $3,000?

Well, I'm officially a rich man.

Wait till the guy at
the liquor store sees

this baby slide under
the bulletproof glass.

You know how many fingers I'd have to lose
at drug code to make this kind of money?

Of course, that was before their finger
schminger policy.

All right, Carrie, this is my brother-in
-law Don.

Now, we are here for the equipment.

Good day, Mr. Cooper.

Now, I'd better not
lose money on this like

I did that break dance
to school of yours.

Hey, I thought I recognized you,
Professor.

You remember me?

Break it down now.

I can't believe this is really happening.

Yeah, I never thought I'd see the day I'd
help this mantle, Buzzbeer.

It's like taking apart a member of the
family.

I didn't like that either.

Wow.

Look at that.

Yeah, we painted this the day we started
Buzzbeer.

Four friends, four ever, four beer.

Guess it didn't quite last forever,
huh?

Yeah, and I guess we were really stupid to
believe it.

Crap.

Hey, Carrie, if you help us out,
it'll go a little bit faster.

Uh, sir?

Listen, uh...

We changed our minds.

We had to have Buzzbeer back.

We decided to support it in the company at
us.

It's... It's part of who we are.

Oh, come on, man.

I can't sell my brothers-in-law a future
for $40,000.

Give me $50,000.

$50,000?

This means more to us than anything else
in our lives.

Okay, in that case, you should pay $60
,000.

But this is our dream.

$70,000.

Okay, okay, it's a deal.

All right, let's go.

Oh, yeah.

By the way, this is how you catch fast
like this.

This is how rich people walk.

Drew, we don't have that much money.

That's okay.

I'll go to the bank tomorrow and take
another loan.

The loan will be so far, debt will never
be able to sell Buzzbeer.

Look at those idiots.

Stick with me, kid.

In a month, we're gonna own this place.

The monkey who thinks he's a man.

If anyone can do it, Chester can.

He's not a fella like you and me.

He's a fun, loving, happy slappy
chimpanzee.

Chester!

Chester!

Chester!

He's not a fella like you and me.

He's a fun, loving, happy slappy
chimpanzee.

A fun, loving, happy slappy chimpanzee.

I can't deal with this crap anymore.

I'm a store manager.

I'm working 60 hours a week.

I don't care how talented he is,
he's still a monkey with a brush.