Original subtitles

Look at this one, honey.

This trailer, it's got two bedrooms, a full bath, and a breakfast nook.

I wanna rent this one.

Pretty big trailer.

You sure Mimi can pull it?

Well, maybe you could give me some tips cause

you haul your ass out of bed every morning.

Well, I'm really gonna be really glad when we're on vacation and Mimi and I are miles

away and you won't be able to snipe at each other.

So where are you guys going?

Well, I always want to take a pilgrimage to Dollywood.

I hear if you can prove your sister's your wife, you're getting free.

Well, we better shake our tail feathers so we want

to rent this trailer before somebody else does.

Bye.

Bye.

Man, hitting the open road.

No schedules, no responsibilities.

You know, sometimes I fantasize about that when I'm

napping under my truck in the middle of the workday.

Well, I gotta start my ship now.

Oh, in that case, I'd like to order something to go.

An extra long kiss.

How about a side of ass grab on the house?

Looks like things are heating up with Leslie.

Could it be time to put another notch in the bedpost?

Yeah, I mean, I still have something to match the other one.

Hey, hey, hey.

A gentleman does not discuss intimate details.

Time to take the pill that numbs my genitals so I can last longer.

What

do you want to do that?

Every woman I've been with wants it to go fast.

It's a drug co-experiment I begged my way into.

You know, it's kind of been a while for me.

I mean, I've been practicing, but it's different

when you're up against another team, you know.

Hey, you know, Drew, I can get you some of these.

Oh, uh, we don't need any sex pills, because Kate and I aren't having sex.

We're taking it slow.

And?

And it's a mutual decision.

Uh-huh.

Well, here's to finally having a sex life.

Again.

It's just like riding a bike, right?

Oh, shoot.

You know, for the first couple times, you might want

to have your dad hold onto you so you don't fall off.

Back where it comes from.

It's such a crude attitude.

It's back where it belongs.

Hey,

pig, how come you're cleaning your sty?

You know, if you win the blue ribbon, they'll eat you.

I'm just taking Mr. Szilard's memo to heart and

making my workplace presentable and professional.

You know, you can do the same if you wore a business suit.

Pulled it over your head.

Good morning, Carrie.

Every morning is a good morning when you're running the store, sir.

Carrie, when you grovel, sir, obviously, it offends a man of Mr.

Szilard's extraordinary and superlative character.

You know, Carrie, your challenge today is find a spot on my ass that Mr.

Wick hasn't already kissed.

Good luck trying.

Carrie, I must say, your desk is spotless.

Love it.

Everyone get around.

Take a look at this.

Now, this is a perfect example of a workstation.

There are no personal effects, no photos of

loved ones, no signs of outside life whatsoever.

In fact, if you died, we could bring another man in here.

You wouldn't even know that Carrie existed.

Not to frighten you, sir, but I intend to

take enough people with me to be remembered.

The reason I'm singing off this desk is that when clients come into the floor,

I want them to know the atmosphere here is business.

Whoops.

Got to take my folic acid, trying to get preggers.

Get in the ground ready for planting.

What is all of this?

Didn't you get the memo?

No personal effects on your desk.

Everything that's on this desk is about business.

This troll takes my messages, and this one holds my

pencil, and this big one supervises the other two.

But whatever.

You know what?

All this stuff has got to go.

And you need to start dressing like you work in an office.

The way I dress and what I have on my desk makes me happy.

And when I'm happy, the work gets done.

You know what would make me happy?

That if the desk in front of the manager's office

didn't look like the gateway to Santa's Village.

You can send all the damn memos you want.

I'm not changing nothing.

I'm gonna tell you this once.

Change the clothes, change the desk, or you'll be changing jobs.

Sir, in the words of Olivia Newton-John, I love you, I honestly love you.

I'm sorry, boss.

I couldn't hear you.

I was filling out my wrongful termination suit.

Fired for personal appearance.

I could win this one with a lawyer from the mall.

Sir, in the words of Abba, take a chance,

take a chance, take a chance, take a chance.

Mimi, if you cross me on this, I will become your worst nightmare.

Unless you dream about yourself.

What's going on here?

Mimi, please!

I'm in a meeting with Mr. Solon!

He's so funny, he's making my sights hurt!

Good.

That man can make one knock-knock joke last an hour.

What's the deal with this?

Oh, congratulations, they finally got you an office.

It's just a trick to hide me.

No, no, it is technically an office.

It's all perfectly legal.

You still get to wear what you want and display your

trolls and other sad little Nicky -Nicky things.

Well, then I guess I won.

Well, we all did.

I don't like it in here.

Sorry, I can't hear you.

Mimi?

What do you want?

I want to put $50 on Man of War to win.

What kind of world is it where beautiful women

are caged and pigs are allowed to run free?

Jeez!

Can't even breathe in there.

Well, maybe we should drop in some hay.

It'll bring back fond memories of when you

came out of your mom and learned how to walk.

The important thing is I went eye to eye with the boss and he blinked.

Not the way I see it.

I think you backed down because you're afraid of being fired.

I didn't back down.

Well, you let him put you in a little box.

We're not always going to notice you anymore.

People always notice me.

I'm a head turner.

If I was you, I wouldn't put so much effort into your clothes from now on.

Hey, I don't spend my weekends digging through the

rhinestone barrel at the yarn bar not to get noticed.

Hey, you don't have to tell me, but I think it's time you holstered up the dazzler.

So, uh, get your can out here.

I'm not working in there.

Mimi, your phone is ringing.

I don't care.

I'm not going in there.

Actually, Grandma Ma is in hospital.

If something's happened, it would be nice to know.

Your job is to answer the phone, so please answer the phone.

No.

Then you're not doing your job and you're fired.

What?

Mr. Wick, you got to help me.

I worked for you for four years.

And if you'd absorbed anything in that time,

it would have been that I'm a bad person.

Bye -bye.

Look, I know this is a bad time for you, so I'm not going to gloat.

I'll just get your severance package.

Oops.

I got your 401K information.

I'm starving.

I can't believe we got kicked out of medieval times.

I can't believe we were banished for a whole fortnight.

Yeah, I didn't know this T-shirt was going to spook the horses.

Well, I got to hit the ladies' room.

But after that, we're going home.

And I'm not going to be such a lady.

Okay.

I can't wait, baby.

I can't go through this again tonight.

What's the matter, buddy?

Numbing pills aren't working?

They're working too well.

It was great for the first hour.

The second hour was all right.

But by the third hour, it wasn't even sex anymore.

It was just push-ups.

Three hours?

What, no foreplay?

So...

In the interest of science, how long did this go on for?

Until I got a cramp in my butt and she thought I had an orgasm.

Come on, champ.

Hope you're ready for the Guinness Book of Records tonight.

Ooh, hey.

Something to read.

Hey, so who wants a beer?

I do.

Hey, Drew, what's me been doing in the backyard?

I thought I tied those garbage bags up.

I've got more crap than I do.

Steve, what the fuck are you doing?

If he can wear that shirt, I'm gonna have that toilet paper made with his face on it.

Well, since Mimi lost her job and I haven't been able to find any work,

we decided to give up our apartment and buy this trailer instead of renting it.

And you just park it in my backyard without even asking me?

No, I'm just picking up some stuff from your garage that I left there.

Don't worry, pig.

We're leaving tomorrow.

We're not just visiting Dollywood.

We're moving there and we're getting jobs.

Mimi's leaving Cleveland for good?

Mm-hmm.

Hallelujah!

Yeah, it turns out getting fired was the best thing ever happened to me.

Mm -hmm.

Testify.

There's so much stuff in the garage this is gonna take all night.

Uh, Kate, Oswald, come on.

There's a box of iron to move themselves.

Come on, let's go, go, go.

Give me the keys to your truck and I'll hook your trailer.

Why?

What are you gonna do?

I'll fill it up with gas and get the oil changed.

Then I'm gonna go down the street and I'm gonna punch that atheist in the nose.

Tell me there's not a God.

Hello?

Drew, what happened?

Are you okay?

What's going on?

He's fine.

He's just in shock because his truck was stolen.

His truck?

Yeah, it seems he left the key in it while he was filling it up.

Now, my guess is he went inside to get the giant pretzel.

What are you doing standing here?

Go look for our truck.

Well, we already found it, ma'am.

You see, we were in the area so we were able to give

pursuit until the suspect jumped out of the vehicle.

Where's that truck?

Well, it exploded when we shot at it.

It's quite a fireball.

Just as long as you're all right, honey.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, officer.

So... was it worth it?

Was your salty treat worth my truck?

I'm sorry, Steve.

I'll pay the deductible and I'll get you another truck and get you on your way.

That's the main thing.

Important thing is to get you on your way.

I really want to get you on your way.

Well, maybe what you should have done is wait

till you get home where you have some pretzels.

You're not hot.

I don't believe this.

No, it's true.

They keep the pretzels warm in this rotating heater.

Don't worry, Steve.

We'll get a new truck with insurance money.

No, we won't because I let it lapse two months ago.

Hey!

What do you mean you let it lapse?

I don't want to talk about it now.

Let's discuss it at home.

Oh, my God, they're home.

The heck happened to all the hot water?

Oh, sorry, bro.

We hooked up the trailer to your plumbing.

Mimi's a bear without her hot shower in the morning.

Can't you just roll around on the snow till her fur is clean?

Oh, I'm sorry, Drew.

I thought since you got a truck stolen and ruined

our lives, it'd be okay to borrow a little water.

Well, I'm sorry.

I didn't sleep well last night.

The rocking trailer kept me up all night.

And then the screaming started.

What was that?

That was me when I realized I was going out of the trailer.

Why is it so cold in here?

We had to prop open a window to get some power cords out there.

What have you done to my backyard?

Look at this.

All I need is a three-legged dog back here and I'm officially white trash.

I thought you were gonna live in the trailer.

What's all your junk doing in my backyard?

Well, it's not your backyard anymore.

It's my front yard.

Oh, well, you know, don't get used to it.

It's only temporary.

You know, they don't call it a mobile home for nothing.

Why not?

They call you a man for nothing.

And look, until you buy us a new truck, we're stuck here.

If you don't mind, I have some laundry to hang, and up next are my dainties.

And never up again is my penis.

Hey, Steve.

Tomorrow, I'm taking you down to the store and I'm getting you a job.

Doing what?

A new position just opened.

It's Vice President.

I'm getting your trailer the hell out of my yard.

Calm down, bro.

That's not you talking.

It's your blood sugar.

That's why I made us some eggs.

Thanks.

Come and get it.

The eggs are ready.

Did you make breakfast, too?

No.

We're trying to have a kid.

She's ovulating.

Well, Carol, thank you for a lovely day.

Can I get you a cup of coffee or something before I go?

We discussed this.

I get you the coffee, sir.

Now, you put that coat on.

It's cold outside.

Yes, Mommy.

I mean, Carol.

Mr. Carey.

Mr. Carey, sir.

Huh?

Why'd you call me that?

It's a sign of respect.

I know.

Why'd you call me that?

You'd be silly.

It's just that the woman that used to work there called me pig, and she had me

arrested for attempted murder and sent me off to China.

There, there.

It's okay.

Carol's here now.

Oh.

You know what might make you feel better.

Why don't you join me and have one of my special cookies?

Okay.

Wait!

You still want to eat it?

You've got to learn to trust again.

I'm sorry.

Just don't give up on me, Carol.

Hey, Drew.

Hey.

So, I've been to every trailer park in town.

What'd you find out?

Found a place for Steven Mimi to live that's in your price range.

Oh, that's great.

And now, I know where you can get a baby for a carton of cigarettes.

You want to do an ironing in my kitchen?

There's no room in the trailer.

Why do you vacuum at 2 a.m.

in the morning but naked with your shades open?

Why don't you get Steven here, because we have great news.

Yeah.

Listen.

Found a trailer park for you guys in Move -In, Joe.

I'm willing to pay for the first six months' rent.

Nope.

Not interested.

Come on.

Come on.

It has a swimming pool, laundry, and it's owned for killing poultry.

You can dangle all the amenities in front of me that you want.

But until we save up enough to buy a truck, we're not moving.

Save up what?

I don't see you looking for a job.

Well, I've been trying.

But solar light must be giving me lousy references.

Because every interview that I go on, the personnel

guy brings out all the employees to meet me.

And then they have their pictures taken with me, and then they never call me back.

Well, we're gonna have to do your job searching from a trailer park.

No, I like it here better, where I have house privileges.

Well, they end right now.

Get back in the trailer.

No.

Get back in the trailer.

Make me.

Make you?

What are you, two years old?

I have a hostage.

Give me that.

Give me that.

Give me that right now.

Get in the trailer, or it's going down my pants.

No, I can't go in there.

I swear to God, it's gonna touch my butt.

No, I don't want to go in there.

I don't want to go in there.

I'm claustrophobic.

What?

Claustrophobic.

I thought it'd be all right in a trailer if it was moving and the windows were

open, but then we got stuck here and it's even smaller than I thought.

I can't take it.

It's worse than that little box that they wanted to put me in at work.

Oh, crap.

What?

I need to think.

Well, you can't use our toilet because Steve's gonna take a shower.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

What is it, Drew?

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Claustrophobia's a medical condition.

I can get Mimi her job back at the store.

Well, that's great, Drew.

You can get her out of the yard.

Yeah, but then I have to put her up with her at work.

Damn it.

She's either at home or at my work.

I watch them solve mysteries.

People disappear there all the time.

What's going on with my kid?

She.

Drew, let's think about this logically.

You'd have her eight hours a day at work versus 16 hours a day at home.

Yeah, but I'd be sleeping for eight hours.

Probably more because of the alcohol and the depression.

Right, but you'd also have her home for weekends and holidays.

I don't know what to do.

I guess I'll get her a job back.

Come on, Steve.

Maybe if we do it outdoors, it'll take.

You know, every time Mimi rings that bell, an angel rips its wings off.

Yeah.

Goodbyes are so hard.

Oh, you'll be all right.

You can face anything in the world.

Let a smile be your umbrella.

Out of my way, Grandma Moses.

Here, take my flask.

That night, I had a dream.

Steve and Mimi left and traveled around the world, just traveling and having babies.

It seems the farther away they got, the more babies they had.

But I was happy as they were, because I had care.