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1
00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:07,580
Excuse me, sir.
2
00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:09,820
I'm gonna need to see what's in the bank.
3
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,240
But I'm the star of the show.
4
00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:12,240
The star?
5
00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:14,380
I always thought it was more of an
ensemble show.
6
00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:17,620
All right, buddy.
7
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:18,960
You got an explanation for this?
8
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:19,840
Do I?
9
00:00:20,460 --> 00:00:22,940
This is the prize for the Drew Carey Show
Zipper Fools contest.
10
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:26,580
And you can win if you write down all the
mistakes we put in tonight's show,
11
00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:28,140
and there are at least 50 of them.
12
00:00:28,141 --> 00:00:31,080
For example, in the show, Oswald is a
security guard.
13
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:32,400
He's a delivery man.
14
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,860
I have an example of a mistake.
15
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:39,238
I like the Indians, but
they're going in the
16
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:42,001
crapper unless they
find another quarterback.
17
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,040
The guy they had last year threw like a
girl.
18
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:45,900
You got that right.
19
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,420
That's what I love about my job.
20
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,140
Talking sports with the guys.
21
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:50,440
Okay?
22
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:51,920
You're all done, Steve.
23
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,960
Phil, you're an artist.
24
00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:58,500
You're up, bro.
25
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,381
Hey, Phil, do you think you got some new
girlie magazines?
26
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:02,836
This one was an idea of a turnout.
27
00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:04,540
It's collecting rubber for the war effort.
28
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,560
Drew, I have a rabbi.
29
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,080
Two priests that come in here.
30
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,280
If I won't get new porno for them,
why should I for you?
31
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,640
That meatball sandwich has an Italian
temper.
32
00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:29,660
Call me old-fashioned, but I like the
traditional barber.
33
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,640
Those stylists are so impossibly effecté.
34
00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:38,780
So, what grade are you in, little fella?
35
00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:45,980
I guess it would make me in, uh,
32nd grade.
36
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:48,440
Give me a mess, Phil.
37
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,720
Our parents are coming for their 45th
anniversary party next week.
38
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,140
Well, 45 years.
39
00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:54,660
George is a lucky man.
40
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,200
Hey, look at this.
41
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,860
I found this picture the first time you
came in here.
42
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,350
Yeah, you're the customer, Drew.
43
00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:08,630
And you've got a great head.
44
00:02:09,290 --> 00:02:10,290
Nice and square.
45
00:02:13,170 --> 00:02:14,170
Yeah.
46
00:02:14,610 --> 00:02:15,610
Okay.
47
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,610
You're all done, buddy.
48
00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:21,910
Hey, rest of my bangs.
49
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:28,950
The old heart attack routine.
50
00:02:36,230 --> 00:02:37,230
All
51
00:02:41,350 --> 00:02:51,890
this energy calling me Back where it comes
from It's such a crude attitude It's back
52
00:02:51,891 --> 00:02:58,570
where it belongs All our little chicks
with their crimson lips go glee-blowing
53
00:02:58,571 --> 00:03:06,830
rocks glee-blowing rocks Living in sin
with a safety pin glee-blowing rocks No,
54
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,080
I'm okay.
55
00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:20,080
No, I'll just fill two.
56
00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:23,206
When I was 12, he gave
me some manclippings
57
00:03:23,207 --> 00:03:25,481
to tape on for my first
shower day in gym.
58
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,040
That's right.
59
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,160
That's how we met.
60
00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:31,400
I recognized my hair on you.
61
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,460
Yeah, fill new people.
62
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,120
I remember when I was a kid, he always
told me I was going to be somebody.
63
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,240
When I grew up tonight, I didn't become
anybody.
64
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,280
Never mention it again.
65
00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:50,641
Well, at least he went out the way he always
wanted to, face down in a pile of hair.
66
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,480
Mom, what are you doing here?
67
00:03:56,340 --> 00:04:01,200
I'm sorry I didn't call first.
68
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:03,300
Can't eat you.
69
00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:05,060
I was involved.
70
00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:08,420
And...
71
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,250
Stop making goofy faces.
72
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,441
I'm not making any... Oh.
73
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,500
So the dance continues.
74
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,001
So really, the anniversary party is not
until Friday.
75
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,020
Oh, I know, but I wanted to fly in.
76
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:26,340
I didn't want to drive with your dad.
77
00:04:26,341 --> 00:04:27,400
He got some coupons.
78
00:04:27,780 --> 00:04:30,560
Every night we had to stay at a Johnny's
Rooster Inn.
79
00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:32,880
I've never even heard of a Johnny's
Rooster Inn.
80
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,240
I stayed in one once.
81
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:35,940
It's not as nice as it sounds.
82
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,380
Boy, congratulations on your 45th
anniversary, Mrs. Cunningham.
83
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,140
I don't know how you did it.
84
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:54,140
Well, it's not hard when you're in love
and you respect each other.
85
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:57,070
Besides, my generation
was taught that when
86
00:04:57,071 --> 00:04:59,360
you say I do, that's
for the rest of your life.
87
00:04:59,740 --> 00:05:00,100
Wow.
88
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:00,920
Except for Hitler.
89
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,400
Yours is the coolest generation.
90
00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:04,940
Thank you.
91
00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:06,880
Well, don't you kids worry.
92
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,580
I'm sure that you will be celebrating your
45th anniversary, too.
93
00:05:10,860 --> 00:05:13,320
And I'm sure that poor Louis will be
invited.
94
00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:20,770
Not yet, but don't go anywhere.
95
00:05:22,150 --> 00:05:24,230
I hope I'm not keeping you off from
something.
96
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,470
You look like you're dressed up to go
somewhere nice.
97
00:05:27,270 --> 00:05:28,806
Actually, now we're going to a funeral.
98
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:29,830
I got some bad news.
99
00:05:30,170 --> 00:05:31,570
Phil Radner died a couple days ago.
100
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,070
No!
101
00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:33,270
Oh!
102
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,150
Oh, no!
103
00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:37,170
This is awful!
104
00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:39,190
Poor Phil!
105
00:05:40,650 --> 00:05:42,690
I'm gonna go change, real quick.
106
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:44,410
I wanna go with you.
107
00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:49,090
Gotta
108
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,023
be weird thinking
you're going to lunch with
109
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,401
someone and you wind
up going to their funeral.
110
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:02,900
The closest thing to that I've been
through is when I buried my pet possum.
111
00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:07,560
It was fine one minute and then the dog
walked in, he rolled over on his back, dead.
112
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,080
You wanna know the scary part?
113
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,560
In the morning, the grave was empty and
the ghost had taken a dump in my shoe.
114
00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:22,660
Boy, I don't know what I'm gonna say to
Phil's wife.
115
00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:24,900
Just be gentle and sensitive to her
feelings.
116
00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,940
Do you remember any of the last things he
said?
117
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,240
Yeah, it was a joke.
118
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:30,140
Something about a priest reading
pornography.
119
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,140
Tell me that.
120
00:06:40,870 --> 00:06:41,870
Hey, guys.
121
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,450
Hey, where'd you get the beer?
122
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,610
From the O'Toole wake two doors down.
123
00:06:45,770 --> 00:06:47,370
Boy, those guys sure know how to die.
124
00:06:49,110 --> 00:06:50,110
Nice.
125
00:06:50,170 --> 00:06:53,910
When I go, I wanna invite all the guys who
ever turned me down, lock the doors and
126
00:06:53,911 --> 00:06:57,310
burn down the building while a tape in my
voice says, you're going out with me now.
127
00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:00,970
Foolish mortals.
128
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:04,610
I'm in a drug court trial group for a new
pill that lets you live 300 years.
129
00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:07,468
A few losers get a
placebo, but the people they
130
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:10,050
want around for a long
time get the real thing.
131
00:07:10,051 --> 00:07:11,190
You wanna try one?
132
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:11,730
They're real sugary.
133
00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:12,950
Oh, yeah.
134
00:07:14,590 --> 00:07:17,230
I guess you're gonna see it before all the
good ones you're taking.
135
00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:28,450
Unbelievable.
136
00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:30,730
I'm wearing the same dress as the widow.
137
00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:33,650
But only one of us is carrying it off.
138
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,970
Hey, Pig, as long as we're here,
would you mind posing in a coffin?
139
00:07:39,350 --> 00:07:40,950
I wanna get a picture for my hope chest.
140
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:45,470
All right, well, I'm gonna go drain the
lizard.
141
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,980
Oh, my God, did you see that?
142
00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:00,560
She practically kissed a dead guy.
143
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,640
Why would she do that?
144
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,160
Maybe it's part of some freaky scavenger
hunt.
145
00:08:06,380 --> 00:08:07,380
Did
146
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,920
you check out the look between Phil's wife
and Drew's mom?
147
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,700
Maybe you're right, something weird's
going on there.
148
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,760
Didn't she say that she sees him every
time she comes here to a new place?
149
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:20,840
Yeah.
150
00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:22,595
Oh, my God, I hate
to say it, but I think
151
00:08:22,596 --> 00:08:24,560
Drew's mom's been
having an affair with Phil.
152
00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:26,820
That's what all those lunches were about.
153
00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:30,320
Oh, this has been such a stressful
morning.
154
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:33,276
You know, when this is over, would one of
you like to have lunch with me?
155
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:34,300
No way.
156
00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:39,310
Morning.
157
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:40,210
You're fired.
158
00:08:40,530 --> 00:08:40,690
Morning.
159
00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:43,897
It's time for our annual blood
drive, and we don't want to
160
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:46,210
lose out to any of the other
department stores this year.
161
00:08:46,490 --> 00:08:50,150
Plus, if we win, I get a $2,000 bonus.
162
00:08:50,151 --> 00:08:52,790
Yeah, yeah, blood, the gift of life.
163
00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:54,110
Why should I care?
164
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:56,090
I'll split the money with you.
165
00:08:56,390 --> 00:08:57,570
Well, why didn't you say so?
166
00:08:58,550 --> 00:08:59,550
Let's get pricking.
167
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,750
Oh, my words.
168
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,730
Thanks for ruining another one of my
fantasies.
169
00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:06,290
Shut up and give me your blood.
170
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:08,230
Oh!
171
00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:10,010
Oh, does that hurt?
172
00:09:10,790 --> 00:09:11,050
Yeah.
173
00:09:11,430 --> 00:09:12,430
Does this hurt?
174
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:14,370
Clear it!
175
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,960
Hey, guys, you ready for lunch?
176
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:29,040
Drew, before we go, there's something we
gotta talk about.
177
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,540
How often did your mom see Phil?
178
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:32,680
Well, I don't know.
179
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,280
Whenever she came up from Florida,
maybe five, six times a year.
180
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:36,440
Six times a year?
181
00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:37,920
She's insatiable.
182
00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:44,160
What the hell are you talking about?
183
00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:47,480
I'll put this as delicately as I know how,
Andrew.
184
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,920
We think that Barbara was slamming it to
your mom.
185
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,280
What?
186
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,700
We saw her at the funeral.
187
00:09:55,701 --> 00:09:57,060
She was almost in tears.
188
00:09:57,540 --> 00:10:00,300
She and the widow shot each other daggers,
and she kissed Phil.
189
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,360
Not only that, she was the last to leave.
190
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,760
My mom and the barber?
191
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,400
Well, there's no way.
192
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:11,881
All she ever did was
drop a saw off and... Okay.
193
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,280
You're all done, Steve.
194
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,860
Why so quiet today, Drew?
195
00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:21,080
I had to go shopping with my mom at that
stupid one for the ladder store.
196
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:23,500
I was stuck there for two hours.
197
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,160
Never again.
198
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,980
So, boys, I'm done shopping.
199
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,040
We're all done here, Mrs. Carey.
200
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,240
Look, Mom.
201
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,120
Ta-da!
202
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,640
Are you making fun of the way I try on
clothes, Steve?
203
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:40,620
No.
204
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:42,840
I love the way you try on clothes.
205
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:45,840
That's my boy.
206
00:10:47,420 --> 00:10:48,740
All right, boys.
207
00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:55,620
Your mom has to pay me, so why don't you go
over to the arcade and play Space Invaders?
208
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,416
If you get hungry, get yourself a burger.
209
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,440
Thanks!
210
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:19,080
That's why they went in the back room.
211
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:20,780
Well, I'm not surprised, Drew.
212
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,280
A woman's sex drive doesn't diminish over
time like a man's.
213
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:28,000
Let me tell you something about your mom's
hormones.
214
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,620
Oh, oh, oh!
215
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,400
Bless!
216
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:38,760
Why?
217
00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:45,000
There she is.
218
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:47,500
One woman I thought would never lie to me.
219
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,160
Eight-two, Mommy.
220
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,440
So, what are you gonna do?
221
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,360
I don't know.
222
00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:57,860
I'm so confused.
223
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,300
You think you know your own mother.
224
00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:01,860
Drew, the woman married younger back then.
225
00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:05,620
She probably didn't get to experience life
much before having a family, and she just
226
00:12:05,621 --> 00:12:09,220
wanted to see what it was like to,
um, park another car in the garage.
227
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,640
You know, calling it a garage really isn't
helping anything.
228
00:12:13,860 --> 00:12:16,760
Well, I can't tell you what to do,
but personally, I'd stay out of it.
229
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,040
Well, I'm gonna hit the sack.
230
00:12:19,220 --> 00:12:19,360
Night.
231
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:20,800
Night.
232
00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:29,060
Hi, honey.
233
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,040
I fixed a nice meatloaf for your dinner.
234
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:32,800
Thanks.
235
00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:36,174
And I have baked about
a hundred peanut butter
236
00:12:36,175 --> 00:12:38,820
cookies for the anniversary
party tomorrow night.
237
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:41,020
You know how much your father likes them.
238
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,240
But then I've never met a man who didn't
like my cookies.
239
00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:47,880
Great.
240
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,020
I already lost a garage, now I lost
cookies.
241
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:56,560
Oh, a july from work called to remind you
of a breakfast meeting tomorrow.
242
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,880
She sounded very sweet.
243
00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:00,540
She's in accounting.
244
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:01,100
We're just friends.
245
00:13:01,101 --> 00:13:03,040
Drew, listen to your mother.
246
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,880
I think I know a little bit more about
relationships than you do.
247
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:12,540
Lord knows I'm not perfect.
248
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:18,600
But then being married for 45 years is
nothing to sneeze at.
249
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,600
But you did, Mom.
250
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:22,800
You sneezed all over it.
251
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:23,980
What?
252
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:26,380
I know what you've been doing at your
lunches.
253
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:28,880
The gang saw you kissing Phil at the
funeral.
254
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,200
And I remembered a few things from when I
was a kid.
255
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,040
Oh, Drew.
256
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:34,960
You don't understand.
257
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,560
How could you do this to Dad?
258
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,000
Does he know about this?
259
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,571
All this time, he's out waiting
in the car listening to Paul
260
00:13:40,572 --> 00:13:43,700
Harvey while you're inside
finishing the rest of the story.
261
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,560
I don't want to talk about it.
262
00:13:58,290 --> 00:13:59,290
Turkey meatloaf.
263
00:14:00,030 --> 00:14:01,530
There's nothing as it seems.
264
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:13,790
It's vacation day for every pint of blood
that you give.
265
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:17,870
I've got bad news, maybe.
266
00:14:18,430 --> 00:14:18,630
J.C.
267
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:20,150
Penney's just pulled ahead.
268
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:24,450
Apparently, they're spurting out blood
like none of this business.
269
00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:30,750
Well, my Lord, according to my chart here,
everyone's given blood at least twice,
270
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,070
except for you.
271
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:33,570
What are you, a girly man?
272
00:14:34,610 --> 00:14:36,386
You've seen me run, you've seen me throw a
ball.
273
00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:37,410
What do you think?
274
00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:39,570
There's nothing to be afraid of.
275
00:14:39,690 --> 00:14:42,270
We just take a little needle and we find a
vein.
276
00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:45,630
Okay, he's out.
277
00:14:45,830 --> 00:14:47,730
Drag him in there, poke him, and I'll
drain him.
278
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,310
What is things you've set on a date?
279
00:14:56,170 --> 00:14:57,330
What are you guys doing here?
280
00:14:57,590 --> 00:14:59,870
Well, we just came by for our free flu
shots.
281
00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:02,590
We didn't know we had to give a pint of
blood first.
282
00:15:02,591 --> 00:15:05,790
Well, how do you think they were gonna
make room for the vaccine?
283
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:13,890
Oh, by the way, uh, the two of you might
feel a little lightheaded.
284
00:15:14,690 --> 00:15:16,250
Oh, you would never notice.
285
00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:21,030
Just about time for the graduation party,
Drew.
286
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,490
I guess we better get going, huh?
287
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:26,230
Oh, I feel a little dizzy.
288
00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:27,650
What a rush.
289
00:15:28,170 --> 00:15:29,170
Giving blood rocks.
290
00:15:30,870 --> 00:15:32,050
You know, you guys go ahead.
291
00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:32,890
I'm mad at my mom.
292
00:15:33,050 --> 00:15:34,050
I'm not gonna go.
293
00:15:34,610 --> 00:15:35,970
You listen to me, Drew Carey.
294
00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:37,190
You're being selfish.
295
00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:38,730
Catch me, Oswald.
296
00:15:39,010 --> 00:15:39,370
I'm gonna faint.
297
00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:40,470
Can I get you, buddy?
298
00:15:40,990 --> 00:15:42,150
Hey, mister, can you hear me?
299
00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:47,570
Oswald, put my hand in him.
300
00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:49,610
Be a man!
301
00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:53,810
If you don't go, you're gonna disappoint a
lot of people, okay?
302
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,070
Now roll me away dramatically.
303
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:57,250
Watch my hand.
304
00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:58,330
Watch my hand.
305
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:00,690
Oh,
306
00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:06,390
no.
307
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:12,940
Oh, happy anniversary, everybody.
308
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:13,740
See you at the next one.
309
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:14,960
You did.
310
00:16:17,140 --> 00:16:20,280
Anyways, I was saying, you can't pick your
children.
311
00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:26,820
What the hell's the matter with you?
312
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,680
Get back in there.
313
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:29,880
No.
314
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,081
Drew, I think we proved throughout our
childhood I can make you do or eat anything.
315
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:36,860
Yeah, I wanted that caterpillar.
316
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,440
This is no way to act at a party.
317
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,696
You know, I don't want to go to a stupid
party in the first place.
318
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,280
Well, I didn't want to wear a slip,
but I did it for mom and dad.
319
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:47,560
Come on.
320
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:48,460
Do me.
321
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,620
Why won't you just come in here?
322
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,680
Mom had an affair with the barber.
323
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,040
Hey, get in here.
324
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,980
Uncle Mike's getting a little touchy
-touchy.
325
00:16:58,380 --> 00:16:59,380
Mimi, please.
326
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:00,580
Guy, talk.
327
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,240
Oh, sorry, princess.
328
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,360
You got it wrong, Drew.
329
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:10,960
Mom didn't have an affair with Phil.
330
00:17:11,580 --> 00:17:13,460
Look, I didn't want to believe it either.
331
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,120
Would you just stop it?
332
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:16,880
It was dad.
333
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,920
Dad had an affair with Phil's wife.
334
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:21,640
What?
335
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:22,641
That's just crazy.
336
00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:24,916
How do you explain all the time they spent
together?
337
00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:26,326
I want all the time out, all
the times they went in the
338
00:17:26,327 --> 00:17:28,076
back room, and then when
mom dropped us off her haircut.
339
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,460
They were consoling each other.
340
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,960
They got through it and they became
friends.
341
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,000
Well, how come you know about this and I
don't?
342
00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:37,220
I found out when I was a kid.
343
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,020
I was trying on dresses in mom's closet
when I heard them arguing about it.
344
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,620
To this day, I can't wear an A-line skirt
without getting a panic attack.
345
00:17:48,580 --> 00:17:50,060
Oh, my God.
346
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,280
So it was dad?
347
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:54,460
Yeah.
348
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:56,180
He admitted the whole thing.
349
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,960
They even began talking about divorce and
argued over who got you.
350
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,140
They both wanted me?
351
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:06,580
Yeah.
352
00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:10,460
That bastard.
353
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,000
Doesn't he realize that our mom is a
saint?
354
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:16,380
You know, leaving her alone to raise us
all by herself while he's out tomcatting
355
00:18:16,381 --> 00:18:18,261
around, we could have turned out all
screwed up.
356
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:20,620
We were lucky.
357
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,080
But just forget about it, Drew.
358
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,500
It happened 30 years ago.
359
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,720
What the hell are you doing out here?
360
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:30,960
We're having a party.
361
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:35,560
If you give a damn about your mother's
feelings, you get your keister's in there.
362
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,720
Did you hear that?
363
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,440
Warren Beatty wants us back inside the
house.
364
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:50,800
Drew, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
365
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,840
That's my voice!
366
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:14,980
Uh, dad?
367
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,520
What?
368
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:20,080
Uh, can I have this next dance with mom?
369
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,240
Okay.
370
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,680
If you think what you kids do can be
called dancing...
371
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,320
but the rest of your dance card is full.
372
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:38,340
Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.
373
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,320
What for?
374
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:42,900
Uh, I know everything.
375
00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:45,060
Why don't you just tell me the truth
yesterday?
376
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:47,360
Hey, everybody!
377
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,360
Look at me!
378
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:49,620
I'm a walrus!
379
00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:58,740
I didn't want you to lose respect for your
father.
380
00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:02,180
Pretty amazing, Mom.
381
00:20:04,340 --> 00:20:06,680
Hey, why do you think he invited Phil's
wife to the party?
382
00:20:07,260 --> 00:20:08,260
Oh, made you look.
383
00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,260
Y
384
00:20:53,590 --> 00:20:54,750
'all come back now, you hear?
26324
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