Original subtitles

I can't thank you all enough for coming to visit me in rehab.

Oh, this place is pretty nice, huh?

Better in our apartment.

You think what I'm thinking?

We live worse than junkies?

Not all rehab centers are like this.

This is one of the best.

Some of these people take drugs just to get in here.

And it's such a pickup joint.

Yes, we had wet T-shirt night.

Well, that woman over there had night sweats.

Hey, Matty.

I just call her that because her hair's old, Matty.

I think she heard you.

Now you can call her the finger.

Tell us, your only job now is to get better.

Don't even worry about the store.

I won't have to.

I'll be there.

So long, crackheads.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You can't go anywhere.

You've got a big problem, my friend, huh?

What a night that must have been, huh?

See, I'm fine.

I saw an empty beer can.

It didn't even occur to me to crack it open and slowly lick out the entire inside.

Here, let me throw that out for you.

It's part of my getting humble.

Oh, that's all right.

I can do it.

Hey, you're embarrassing yourselves in front of the crackheads.

All right, all right, all right.

Have it your way.

But you can't imagine what hell this is, not the least of which is having people

who once respected me, looking at me with downcast eyes.

It's because your robe is open.

Sorry.

Well, close up, will you?

Fine.

Would you guys excuse us for a second, please?

Might as well.

Curtain's down.

Show's over.

Say, Mr. Wick.

Now, you've got to hang in there and finish this program, because if you don't, Mrs.

Lowder's going to fire you.

I'll try.

But you can't imagine how difficult it is without having lived through it.

Haven't you ever been tempted with drugs from some of your rock and roll friends?

Fans that are friend of McQueen really don't do a lot of drugs.

You realize you had your appendix out.

Hey, Drew, you know that old drunk of our soul gets so blessed

that every night at seven o'clock he buys the house around?

Well, he's here?

No, no, it's almost seven o'clock.

Come on, let's go.

Think about the sacrifices that I made for you.

Think about the good times that I put you through.

Think about the time that I spent with you.

Come on, sugar and pink, think about the things.

Think about the bad things, I

said the one who lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo...

Ow!

You're late.

I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning.

Remember, lift with the knees.

You know, Mimi, I had such a good time playing with my

band last night that even seeing you can't affect it.

Okay, that's not true.

I own you, Larry.

I have made up my mind.

No.

It's not fair.

I want that job.

I can't give it to you.

What if I said that in the hot tub last night?

You're acting like a child.

Compared to you, everyone's a child.

Excuse me for speaking out of turn, Mrs. Lauder, but it's not exactly

dignified to come into my cubicle arguing with your balding concubine.

I'll parade him naked through the store in a leash if I want to.

Thanks a lot, Carrie.

At any rate, I brought good news.

As you know, Mr. Wick is in the junky bin.

And we need a temporary replacement, so Carrie...

lose the fat daddy, oh, look, and you got the job.

This is just great.

I slept Carrie's way to the top.

Listen, you can stop your bickering, okay?

I don't want the job.

What?

Why?

I got a lot of stuff going on in my life right now.

He doesn't want it.

Can I have it?

Come on, baby.

Don't I do you right?

All right, Larry, but my reputation's riding on this.

Don't embarrass me.

Okay, what's the scam, Carrie?

Why'd you turn it down?

What do you know that I don't know?

About a hundred of Larry and Mrs. Lauder jokes for one thing.

You know why I turn on the job?

Because this place isn't my life anymore, man.

My music is.

Well, I understand what you're going through, Drew.

Last summer, I was doing amateur porn.

And, damn it, Carrie, I was good.

But I listened to the naysayers.

It's not practical.

It's not smart.

You're too hairy.

Get out of my swimming pool.

Oh, my God, that was you.

Hey, did you hear?

I'm taking over for a wick.

Whatever I say, you got to do.

Yes, sir, you say, jump.

I say, how high would I have to be to take orders from you?

See you later, crap with feet.

Jeans of blue, waist 42 My baseball cap has chief wahoo In Cleveland, Ohio

Humidity is up around 90 or so In Cleveland, Ohio And when my workday's

through I barbecue Put the kids to bed and make love to you In Cleveland,

Ohio

I was born there I'll probably die there Hope it doesn't snow In Cleveland,

Ohio

I have a special message here from the management.

There's an infection in the waiting pool, so please

keep your children out for the next 48 hours.

Goodnight, Cleveland!

Aw, man.

I drank out of that pool.

Your new hair and beard make you look 30 years younger.

Thanks.

Hey, how old do you think I am?

Hey, Kate, how's the job going?

Octune, I'm your uber-brow girl.

Would you like something that goes down easy for a buck?

You know, if people didn't know any better, they'd

probably think you were talking about a drink.

The 107th time I've heard that tonight.

Hey, booze wench over here.

Oh, hidden, buddy.

I don't want to hear any more sexist degrading terms like...

This booze wench is okay.

At least hookers get to lie down and take their shoes off.

Meet me at my table.

Who's this from?

That's so cool.

You have a guy groupie.

Wow.

What do I do?

I never have a groupie before.

I guess I can go over and talk to him, but what if one thing leads to another?

What if next thing you know we're in his hotel room, taking

pictures for the album cover, we're playing Twister, and...

True, true.

I think you've put way more thought into this than he has.

Let's just go talk to him.

Hi.

I'm Brew.

This is my girlfriend, Darcy.

You know what I do, Drew?

Yeah.

Doesn't sound too bad.

It's just the kissing that bothers me, really.

I was interested in signing the band.

What the hell are you talking about?

Well, you're not a gay groupie?

Oh, you're probably from the record label.

You want to sign us to a contract.

Hey, guys, come here.

Okay, not exactly.

I booked things for the Romatians of Ohio.

I just wanted to hire guys to do the circuit.

What do you mean, just in Ohio?

Yeah.

Just the Romatas?

Yeah.

Yeah!

Remember I said if things work out, that I'd be able to quit Winford Louder?

Well, this is it.

The horned dogs just started going on tour.

Well, wait a second.

You're quitting Winford Louder?

For what?

Do you think you're going to become a rock star?

Well, I mean, not a star.

Probably.

I mean, it's up to the public.

Careful following your dreams, Drew.

Sometimes you end up looking like a German slut and getting pinched in the ass.

Hey, that's the album cover.

Drake's in the house, everybody.

Hey!

Congratulations, Gary.

Mr. Wick, what are you doing on the rehab?

That's what I came to told you about.

They kicked me out.

Apparently, someone's changed the store's health insurance.

I'm not coming anymore.

Oh, man.

We must have screwed with benefits.

Larry?

Mrs. Louder's midnight cowboy?

Well, that is just great.

Now I've got to go in there and clean up somebody else's mess.

Why should my baby be any better than my first?

The great circle of crap is complete.

Yeah, that's right.

He belongs to our best friend and he's missing.

I think he dug his way into the fence to get out.

Yeah.

Never mind.

We found him.

I don't care if Gary told you to look after me.

I can go for all I want to.

He was at the high school screaming for drugs.

All right.

Well, now hang here until Drew gets you into rehab.

If we have to, we'll handcuff you to the furniture.

Oh, you have to.

I'm almost grossed out enough to use Drew's shower.

Hey, you know, we're doing this because Drew made a promise

to take care of you and he tricked us into doing a forum.

Yeah.

You're not half as funny as Dudley Moore.

Well, good news, boys.

It's almost the magic hour.

Magic hour?

What's that?

Well, once you make it 36 hours without drugs, the craving stops.

Three, two, one.

Oh.

Oh, that's better.

What was I thinking?

Drugs are bad.

Well, thank you, boys.

I couldn't have done it without you.

Wait a minute.

It hasn't been 36 hours.

You were drunk last night.

That's right, Horsehead.

Catch me if you can.

Come on, Mr. Wick.

Hello.

Yeah, just a minute.

Some guy named Hector says you beeped him.

Ah, yes.

He's my stockbroker.

Wait a minute.

He's not my stockbroker.

He's my dealer.

And I don't need his poison more.

Tell him he can take his drugs and...

No, I'll wait.

I'll tell him myself.

Listen to your death, merchant.

You can take your devil's key about an eight balls worth and throw it in the trash.

The trash is a corner of Euclid and fifty -fifth, about four o'clock this afternoon.

That took guts.

Come here.

Hey, where's Larry?

I've got to see him right away.

Mimi, if you're chowey and you know it, just keep typing.

I know you're there.

These things don't block out smell.

You know what?

I hope the smell lingers, because this is my last day.

Well, your lips say goodbye, but your ass says I'm still here.

Hi, Sue.

Hey, when did you have the baby?

This morning.

Why didn't you take Wick's job?

Larry messed with our medical interests and they sent me right back to work.

Yeah, what's up?

Larry's here.

By the way, from now on, I'll be referring to myself in the third person.

Get used to it.

Oh, give him, Larry.

Larry doesn't like this.

I'll take care of this.

I can't believe you ruined my benefits cash.

It's the big deal.

I just changed your major medical to an HMO.

An HMO?

Yeah, so?

So?

I worked like a dog for years to keep HMOs out of here.

Look, I had no choice.

I needed to butter up louder with a gift so I could

keep Wick's job and the 100G's out of somewhere.

A hundred thousand dollars?

Yeah!

For that kind of money, you could have run off with someone who could still run.

What the hell'd you get her?

Skybox at Jacob's Field?

Oh, really?

With the leather seats and the TV and the dessert carton?

Yeah, and a private bathroom.

You can leave the door open, and if you time it

right, it's like they're cheering just for you.

When you've missed a lot of people's lives

here, the least you owe them is an explanation.

You're right.

Excuse me, everyone.

I'd like to address your concerns about my new policies.

Don't care, don't have to.

I can't stay in there forever.

Eventually, Mrs. Lowder's gonna want him to go antiquing.

Do you know what I mean?

Look, everybody, I'm least sorry, but Larry, uh, screwed up the...

I can't afford anything but an 8-pound, uh...

There's nothing I can do.

You quitting on us?

Sorry.

Come on, Drew.

You got us this plan in the first place.

You gotta get it back.

Oh, Christ.

One time, I don't want you to quit.

Damn your eyes for making me say this.

Stay!

Look, everybody, I can't... You'd have to go a mind-numbing amount of paper,

pouring through the budget, item by item, trying

to find tens of thousands of dollars, any by penny.

Drew, you thrive on TV.

I've seen you giggle over the Xerox manual.

It's a gift, Drew.

Just give us one more day.

Just one more.

Johnson, get my lumbar pillow.

I'm gonna be doing some sitting.

Hey, hey, thanks for staying.

This is gonna be our last set of the night.

Actually, our last set here for a while, because the horn

dogs are going on a tour of all the Ramada Inns in Ohio.

Actually, it's pretty cool, and I've been thinking about it and everything,

but I don't think I'm gonna be going with them.

What?

Yeah, you know, I realize I'm a great musician, but I am great at something else.

I'm not gonna tell you guys what, because you wouldn't understand,

but a lot of people depend on me, and nobody does what I do exactly the way I do it.

How many people can say that, huh?

Can I have one stinking moment?

Now, uh, if you guys aren't too mad at me, if you don't

mind, I just... appreciate it if you just played me off.

Well, I miss you, big guy.

Certainly a surprise for us.

Kind of a relief, too, because we were gonna dump him before the tour.

You know, what a coincidence our new lead singer's here tonight.

Weirdo, come on up!

Hope you don't mind, I brought my accordion.

You didn't say you played accordion.

Yeah, better to go out on top.