Original subtitles

Wait

a second, wait a second!

Can't you all see where to run here?

Wheeee!

Hey!

What's up?

Out!

Mimi!

You're fired!

Wait a second, wait a second!

Can't you all see where to run here?

Hey!

What's up?

Out!

You're fired!

Mimi!

Nice!

Thanks, Mimi!

Well, that's it.

That's the whole tour.

I hope this helps you decide to open our Winford Louder store in Hanoi.

Of course, there will be some cultural differences.

For example, I'm sure you won't be devoting as much space to the big and tall section.

You know, I've got to admit, I was kind of worried about saying the wrong thing.

It wasn't that long ago we were lobbing grenades at each other's helicopters.

Clean that up for me, would you?

Way ahead of you.

You're not whining with him.

Good morning, everyone.

Oh, look.

Satan stopped using birth control.

Yeah, your mother probably insisted.

This is Antonio.

My boyfriend gave him to me.

And I couldn't leave him at home in this heat.

The skin folds get all irritated.

You know what that's like.

Kelly, I need to talk to you.

Oh, look.

You brought your pet to work.

How lovely.

Have you met my pet?

He's called Mr. Penn.

Hello, Mr. Penn.

Oh, look.

He's doing a trick.

It's a memo.

No dogs allowed.

A dog is just a dog.

He's an object of love.

Sure, that's fine for you, but there are laws protecting the dog.

Kelly, I have a question for you.

What would you do with an employee that was caught

napping in the bedding department during workouts?

I'd fire him right now.

You want to see me, Wick?

Brian, Drew here wants me to fire you for sleeping at work, but I, on the other

hand, have constructed an elaborate fantasy life which requires your presence.

So just consider this a severe and lecherous reprimand.

Give us a hug, then.

No, you should fire me.

Who are we kidding?

I'm bored and I'm doing a crappy job here.

Kate, Kate, come on.

You're always grumpy first thing in the afternoon.

Come on, you need this job.

But I hate my job.

Oh, you hate your job?

Oh, my God, why don't you say so?

No, there's a support group for that.

It's called Everybody.

They meet at the bar.

Okay.

If you won't fire me, I quit.

Uh, Mr. Wick, let me handle this.

Of course.

Better to beg a woman not to leave.

I defer to the master.

What did this happen?

Why don't you come to me?

It wouldn't have helped, Drew.

I want to do something I love.

I want to look forward to waking up at work.

I need something more.

Okay, well, here's what we'll do.

Go ahead and quit.

And if after a week, you still haven't found

anything new, then I'll give you your job.

You're welcome.

Thanks, Drew.

If

you want to stay here, just sit and make like a troll.

If I

come back, I'll understand.

Yeah.

As we don't give a damn, they start in Vietnam.

And it's five, six, seven, open up the early gates.

Okay, next time we get to pick the song.

Where does the band get back?

They went home, man.

They let us set it like an hour ago.

They would like more music.

The equipment's up there.

We know how to play.

Yeah, but, you know, we haven't practiced.

We may not sound that great.

No, they like it, sir.

They think you're singing backwards.

Hey, I'm Campy.

I'm the Vietnamese Bette Midler.

I don't like it.

I'm Selah.

No, I'm Nyah.

Nyah.

Bette Midler.

Ramada in.

Are you ready to rock?

And I am too big and yap, yup.

Yes.

Yeah, ready to rock.

Sorry, man.

We're just goofing around.

No, you're better than the house band.

Crank it up.

Hey, I knew we were good.

I think we were airport Ramada good.

Mo, high five!

That was amazing, man.

What a rush.

That was better than sex.

At least, you know, sex with me.

Yeah, I can't believe they asked us to come back and play all next week.

Yeah, see, man, we can't do it.

What do you mean?

Why can't we do it?

We had a blast.

We got jobs, man.

I'm just starting to move up.

I got to keep my eye on the ball here.

I can't be working all day and playing all night.

I'm not the wild 18-year-old running around raising

duppies and helping my mom bake banana bread anymore.

Hi.

I'm Darcy.

This is my friend Tina.

Great show tonight.

Oh, my God.

You're groupies.

Well, nobody's going to believe this.

Can we get your autographs?

We're not groupies.

That implies that we like the whole group.

You got some of this really great garage kind of thing going on.

Thanks.

You too.

I mean that as a compliment.

And I love this dorky look.

Believe it or not, I got a closet full of this stuff.

He does.

So where are you playing next?

Actually, we're going to be playing here all next week.

Great.

Then I'll see you next week.

I thought you didn't have time for this because of your job.

Excuse me.

Am I the only one that saw the pretty girl talking to the chubby guy?

Okay, so we're all in.

Yeah.

Look, if we're going to get serious about

the band, we have to fill in the sound, okay?

We need a guitar player.

All right.

I'll put up a notice at the music store.

Damn.

Well, where are we going to get somebody to

play on one day's notice for only ten dollars?

He's going to make us look like crap.

Get rid of him.

Thank you.

I could do show tunes.

We'll call you.

I want to ask you how you did the hat.

Very.

Next!

Are you real attached to the beard?

The next one takes his goatee.

Next.

Whoa, whoa.

Still too good.

What are you guys looking for?

Bad.

I'm sorry we already have a tall, skinny guy.

Oh, man.

That really sucks.

Way too good.

Wait a second.

Rhodes High School Chess Club.

Oh, don't be nervous, son.

Just slow down.

It's supposed to sound that way.

Yeah, sure it is.

Next.

Uh,

I'm really sorry we don't need a fiddle player.

But I also tell jokes.

Did you hear about the rabbit?

Heard it.

Johnny,

we didn't hire you to play the guitar, man.

We hired you to mow the lawn.

Hey, you're okay.

Thanks.

Uh, I got to be in bed, like, at five o 'clock every day.

Uh...

This

guitar playing's kind of sloppy.

Yeah, yeah, and he looks kind of slow.

So we're a create.

He's in?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

This guy'll make us look great.

Ed!

Hey, Ed!

Ed!

Ed!

Ed!

Hey, congratulations, man.

You got the job.

Whatever.

Now, you guys can stay here and argue with us

yourselves about which one is the cute one.

What?

I think I see a desperate woman at the bar who might be interested in me.

Hey, you came.

Yeah.

Wow.

I never thought I'd say this in the minute, but...

Nice accordion.

Do you want to do something after the show?

Can I ask you something?

This isn't like a sorority initiation.

I mean, you're...

You're not going to take me to one of those pig parties, are you?

No.

See?

That's what I like about you.

No attitude.

You'll never let success go to your head.

Are you kidding me?

I won't let it anywhere near me.

No, but it wouldn't be bad to make a few bucks, right?

Oh, well, I have another job.

I'm the, uh, international assistant director personnel over at Winford Louder.

What the hell do you think I'd do?

I work at a pet store sweeping up stuff.

I'm not going to let some job get in the way of my music.

That's exactly the way I feel.

God, I can't believe we haven't run into each other before.

What are their plans for you, Wayne?

Oh, uh, well, for the last 10 years, I was in the cubicles.

And, uh, before that, I was in the frat house losers.

Uh, fully-baked.

Mama's boys.

Young bed-wetters.

I gotta talk to you, pig.

Hey, that's my nickname, kinda like Charlie Bird Parker.

I'm here with you, clownfish.

What do you want?

How'd you get here?

Mr. Wick made me track you down.

You're supposed to go straight over to Mrs. Louder's house.

She's having a cocktail party, because they

just closed the deal on the Vietnam store.

Oh, wow!

Hey, that's great!

Listen, here's what you do.

Uh, tell her I'm really happy for the store, but I have a previous engagement.

You're turning down the boss to play with your crummy band?

Okay, yeah, good idea.

I'll tell her.

Bye.

It's just a party.

What's the big deal?

Oh, yeah, it's just a party.

And it won't embarrass her too much that the guy that scored the deal...

didn't show up.

Yeah, maybe she'll admire your independence.

Wow.

Is she in a band?

No, she works at the hotel.

She keeps the crows away from the dumpsters.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, but some came up, and I gotta go.

Oh, that's too bad.

I was kind of hoping we could hang out tonight.

Close your eyes.

Are you gonna kiss me?

No, I just don't want you to see me walk away.

It's on my best side.

Guys, I know this is kind of a crummy thing to do, but I gotta go to this

business party at Mrs. Louder's house, so I'll see you later.

Wait a minute.

We're about to do the Zeppelin medley.

How the hell do you play a whole lot of love without an accordion?

You think this is easy for me?

I wanted to be in a rock and roll band since I was 13.

Remember my sparkly stretch pants?

Thank you.

I'd just forgotten about those.

You know what, Drew, you're right.

This is just a little gag of the Romana Inn.

It's not worth anything except it's a whole lot of fun.

And it makes me happy.

And it makes you happy.

And you know what?

For once, I'm gonna do something I want to do instead of doing something I have to do.

Tell me about that party.

Come on, man.

Let's rock and roll.

All right.

All right.

So, uh, can I go to the party?

Hey, Kate.

How's the job?

I'm going.

How's it going?

My future's bright.

Brighter than ever.

Ask me why.

Oh, my God.

What happened to your teeth?

What happened to my teeth, you say?

I am the new Cleveland rep for glimmerbrite.

You wear this very comfortable system of straps, tubes, and braces as you sleep.

And when you wake up in the morning, your teeth are white and beautiful.

You'll have a movie star smile.

And when your teeth are gray...

Let me try a little experiment.

I overbleached my teeth.

It's like having 32 exposed nerves.

Oh, you poor thing.

Wow.

For such a powerful toothpaste, it really doesn't do a lot for your breath, does it?

It's the bleach in the rotting flesh.

I think that thing hanging down the back of my throat fell off.

I want my job back.

You win.

No.

What?

Look, since I've been doing my music, I realize that you were right.

I mean, it's finding something you love that's important.

So, I can't give you a job back.

Might as well smile.

I can see your teeth through your lips anyway.

Fine.

That's the kind of slight breeze in the teeth I needed to wake me up.

Hey, maybe there's still an opening at Perma Shoes.

The only pair of shoes you'll ever need.

Hey, Drew.

Hey, guys.

Great for lunch?

Yeah.

Hey, you know, my dad worked in a place like this.

He hung himself from something like that.

So, you're feeling better, buddy?

Feeling better about what?

Well, you were sick.

We called in yesterday and they said you were sick in bed.

I was in bed, but I wasn't sick.

Oh.

Somebody got Sega.

Sega?

No, I didn't get Sega, but there was a lot of scoring going on.

You were composing music, huh?

No, I was in bed all day having sex with Darcy.

You skipped work to have fun.

Who are you, mister?

Hey, look.

It's fat folds five.

Yeah, your message is... Ed, this is me, me, me, me.

This is Ed.

Huh?

Thank God.

I thought it was the only one that saw her.

Come

on.

Maybe later we can go back to your place.

The sixties?

Oh, my God.

The manager at Thermonical, he wants us to be the new permanent house band.

What?

The band?

I can't hold down two giants.

What are you guys talking about?

This is our dream.

How are we going to replace you?

It'd be tough.

Maybe we could get a monkey and give him a whistle or something.

Kelly, I need to talk to you.

Oh, hey, listen.

If it's about Mrs. Louder's party, I'm really sorry.

I was just coming down with the thing that kept me home yesterday.

Oh, yeah.

Never thought about that.

They need you in our store in Hanoi.

You're going to Vietnam.

What?

Yes, you leave first thing in the morning.

Our Vietnamese counterparts want you there personally to help with the staffing.

I can't go to Vietnam.

Things are just getting started with my band.

Look, Kerry.

Ever since I've been here, you've wined and moaned for more responsibility.

Now, either you give up this band of yours or you say goodbye to the promotion.

It's your choice.

Ladies and gentlemen, the airport Ramada

presents our new house band, the Horned Dog.