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00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,300
Good evening.
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00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:12,620
And welcome to the Drew Carey Show April
Fool's Contest.
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00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:13,780
Now, it's real easy.
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00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,266
All you gotta do is get
a pencil ready and look
5
00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:16,640
for all the stuff that's
wrong with the show.
6
00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:19,660
It's like that thing you did when you were
a kid with the pictures.
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00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:20,900
No, no, not that thing.
8
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:21,580
Not those pictures.
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00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:23,720
It's like, what's wrong with this picture?
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00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:24,340
Now, here's an example.
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00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:25,740
Lewis, come on out here.
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00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:27,980
What?
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00:00:28,340 --> 00:00:29,420
You figured it out already?
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00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,116
Well, the money's practically in your
pocket.
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00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:33,020
As a matter of fact, start spending it
right now.
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00:00:33,021 --> 00:00:37,120
Now, whoever finds the most mistakes in
tonight's episode, and there's at least 50
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00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:40,603
of them, wins $25,000
and a trip to Hollywood
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00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:43,300
to be on the show and
have lunch with me.
19
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,096
And there's lots more prizes that
everybody else has a chance to win.
20
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,248
And you can find all the
rules at abc.com or the
21
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:51,540
current issues of TV
Guide and People Magazine.
22
00:00:51,740 --> 00:00:54,603
You can also enter through
ABC Online or send your list to
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00:00:54,604 --> 00:00:57,060
an address that we'll be
giving you later on in the show.
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00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,360
So, let's start watching.
25
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,220
The game begins right now.
26
00:01:02,221 --> 00:01:03,221
Attention.
27
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:04,840
Attention, please.
28
00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,100
Can I have everybody's attention?
29
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,232
My harassment suit against
Winford softer has been
30
00:01:10,233 --> 00:01:12,881
settled, so I won't be
delivering your mail anymore.
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00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:20,280
So, if you're missing any important mail,
you can get it at the Welcome Back, Mimi.
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00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:22,374
We love your luncheon
that you'll be throwing
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00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:24,800
me this Friday in the
good restaurant upstairs.
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00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:30,780
Oh, by the way, thank you for dipping into
the Christmas fun and buying me a new VCR.
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00:01:30,781 --> 00:01:34,221
You really shouldn't have,
but, you know... You're better!
36
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:36,960
Well, back, guys.
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Everybody grab your old seats.
38
00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:42,400
Ah, Mimi, at last is finally here.
39
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The day I've been waiting for for so long.
40
00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:46,845
Hey, if you really want
to welcome me back,
41
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nothing says hello like a
nice, warm tongue bath.
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00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,280
Oh, no!
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I mean, Mrs. Louder on the board flying to
the head office in Kyoto this morning.
44
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:57,129
I finally get that woman
and her castrated
45
00:01:57,130 --> 00:02:00,401
sheep of a voice out
of my hair for a while.
46
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:01,840
Bick!
47
00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:03,740
Bick!
48
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,160
Is that the flutter of angel wings I
heard?
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00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,560
Damn right you did.
50
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:13,140
Now, I'm on my way to the airport,
and I just want you to know that I'm
51
00:02:13,141 --> 00:02:17,320
placing a huge responsibility on your
pasty little girl's shoulders.
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00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,140
Don't worry, Mrs. L, the store's in good
hands.
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00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:22,000
I know that.
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00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,420
I'm talking about my cat.
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00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,300
Now, here's my house key and a test kit.
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00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,000
Test kit?
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00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:29,420
Yes.
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00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,700
Lord Fauntleroy's had some digestive
problems.
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His eliminations need to be monitored very
closely.
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00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:41,600
And another immigrant's dream's come true.
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00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,800
Have a good flight into a mountain.
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00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,420
How does it feel not to be man enough to
say something to somebody's face?
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Walk away and I'll tell you.
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00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,080
No, no, stay there, Bonbeck.
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I want you to see this.
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00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:04,220
I'm finally free to fire someone the way
I've always dreamed.
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00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,500
Johnson!
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00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:13,020
Johnson, you're fired.
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00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:22,340
Unless you can shoot this apple from my
head using this rascal.
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00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:26,320
By the way, Johnson, I saw your wife
yesterday.
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00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,000
At least I thought it was your wife.
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00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:30,460
The divider came down before I could put
in another quarter.
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00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,796
No, I'm not going to mince words with you.
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You've always had more looks than brains.
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This is ridiculous.
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Don't worry.
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I've rigged the crossbow.
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00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,761
When he pulls the trigger,
all that's going to happen
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00:03:43,762 --> 00:03:45,920
is a little flag will come
down saying you're fired.
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00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:50,220
Why are you such an evil bastard?
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00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:51,900
You know what it does to me.
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00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,180
Are you ready, Johnson?
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Ready!
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00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,640
Aim!
85
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:02,920
Fire!
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00:04:05,220 --> 00:04:06,220
I
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00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,130
have a guy with an arrow in his...
88
00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:18,171
Hey, is that arrow
in your... Yes!
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00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:22,110
Yeah, it's in his, uh, goodie bag.
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00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:25,010
Whoa!
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00:04:30,050 --> 00:04:33,010
All this energy calling me...
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00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:36,010
Back where it comes from...
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00:04:36,790 --> 00:04:39,010
It's such a crude attitude...
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00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,010
It's back where it belongs...
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00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:48,050
All the little chicks with the grins and
lips go gleeblin' rocks...
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00:04:48,051 --> 00:04:53,470
Gleeblin' rocks... Living in sin
where the safety men go gleeblin
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00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,740
'... Man, I'm telling you, you've
never seen anything like it.
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00:05:12,741 --> 00:05:15,760
Mr. Wick didn't want him to pry the arrow
loose, so they had to take the hinges off
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00:05:15,761 --> 00:05:18,621
the door... and they carried
them right to the store on it.
100
00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:21,700
Yeah, it wasn't good for business,
although we did sell out of athletic cups.
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00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,100
Poor guy.
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That's harsh.
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Oh, shh.
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Hello, Mr. Wick.
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Oh, this is your one remaining testicle,
Colin.
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I miss me, mate.
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How do you sound?
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Not too happy.
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That's understandable.
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He's probably a little testy.
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00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:55,430
Now, you gotta be ashamed of yourselves
making prank phone calls...
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so a guy just took an arrow through his
scrotum...
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without asking him if Papa's gonna get a
brand new bag.
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Oh, nuts.
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Just a sack.
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Taking an arrow through the most sensitive
part of your body...
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I can't imagine a pain worse than that.
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00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:20,840
Oh, here it is.
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If there's a house behind you,
I'd like to enter, please.
120
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,920
What do you want, Fifi?
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00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:30,900
Just got back from the hospital.
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00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,380
I have really, really bad news about Mr.
Wick.
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00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,060
He put you in charge of the store.
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00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,280
Obviously, he did do his thinking down
there.
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00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:44,180
Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm finally
gonna be in charge of Whitford Louder.
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00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:48,120
Only for a week or two... until he
gets all his eggs back in one basket.
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00:06:49,940 --> 00:06:52,060
Daddy, you got what I'm going for there?
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00:06:58,570 --> 00:06:59,750
That's terrible, Mimi.
129
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:01,550
The man has been through something awful.
130
00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:03,730
I'll be with you guys in a minute.
131
00:07:04,770 --> 00:07:06,450
Anyway, he's starting tomorrow.
132
00:07:06,750 --> 00:07:07,750
I'm working for you.
133
00:07:07,810 --> 00:07:09,910
So don't think you can get all handsy on
me.
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00:07:11,070 --> 00:07:11,750
Don't worry, boys.
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00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:12,990
I would never do that to you.
136
00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:15,630
Drew, this is fantastic.
137
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You finally get to be the boss.
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00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,170
Hey, I know just how we can celebrate,
too, huh?
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00:07:20,171 --> 00:07:25,690
It's time to stop aging and start drinking
the newest creation from Buzz Beer.
140
00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:26,330
Yeah.
141
00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:28,750
I think it's gonna sell really well down
in the Berlin.
142
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:31,550
It's a combination of Buzz Beer and
champagne.
143
00:07:33,230 --> 00:07:34,290
Can you call it booze?
144
00:07:35,290 --> 00:07:36,370
No, no, Monsieur.
145
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,490
We call it bouzé.
146
00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:42,030
You know, this is the chance I've been
waiting for.
147
00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:43,586
I got till Mrs. Louder
gets back next week to
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00:07:43,587 --> 00:07:46,231
prove that I got what
it takes to be a leader.
149
00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:47,370
Oh, hey, Speedy.
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00:07:50,490 --> 00:07:53,670
Well, you know, you got a body like
Buddha.
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00:07:53,910 --> 00:07:55,110
Billions of people follow him.
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00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:58,610
Yes.
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00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:00,550
But Buddha doesn't do this.
154
00:08:03,590 --> 00:08:05,830
I think Buddha is more of a nudgy man.
155
00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:09,310
Man, I hate it when we discuss religion.
156
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:17,230
I just want to show people that I'm
different now.
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00:08:17,710 --> 00:08:19,750
I want them to see I'm not a heartless
bastard like Mr. Wick.
158
00:08:19,751 --> 00:08:21,930
I don't want them, like, going around
scared.
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00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:23,510
They're gonna be fired every second.
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00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,590
Hey, that's it!
161
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:25,050
What?
162
00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:26,830
I'm not gonna fire anybody.
163
00:08:27,610 --> 00:08:28,770
You mean without good reason?
164
00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:30,230
No.
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00:08:30,270 --> 00:08:30,990
Nobody at all.
166
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,350
Starting tomorrow, no one can get fired.
167
00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:35,030
You have this theory.
168
00:08:35,570 --> 00:08:37,731
You expect the best of people,
and I'll give it to you.
169
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:40,110
You don't have to threaten people to
motivate them.
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00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,250
You know, Jew may be on this.
171
00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:49,910
You know, if I wasn't so scared of getting
fired every time I lost a package,
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00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,130
I wouldn't have to hide out in a bar all
day.
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00:08:53,890 --> 00:08:54,510
Look at this.
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00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:56,270
It's more cost-efficient, see?
175
00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:59,770
Every time we fire somebody, we gotta pay
this much to train somebody new.
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00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:00,410
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:01,887
Listen, we don't
know how long it's
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00:09:01,987 --> 00:09:04,830
gonna take for the
bouzé to separate, so...
179
00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:07,810
Here's to Jew who gets to be boss as long
as Wick's in the hospital.
180
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,130
Here's to infection.
181
00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:17,700
Here's to the worst-tasting champagne
we've ever had.
182
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,400
Oh, why'd we do that?
183
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:22,500
It's horrible.
184
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,140
It's a learning from our mistakes.
185
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:35,230
Mimi, I need you to type up this memo for
me.
186
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:37,450
Oh, yes, of course, Mr. Carey.
187
00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:41,630
And here are your reports and your day
planner.
188
00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:45,490
And by the way, I took the liberty of
booking a massage for you this afternoon.
189
00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:46,750
Wait a second.
190
00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:49,926
You want me to believe that I'm gonna lie
down naked and nothing's gonna happen?
191
00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:50,950
Does it ever?
192
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:55,190
No, no, this is on the up and up.
193
00:09:55,670 --> 00:09:57,150
Um, I'm a professional.
194
00:09:57,310 --> 00:10:02,830
If you'll just stand on that square and
sign these papers, we'll start the day.
195
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:04,330
Wait a second.
196
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,430
How come I have to stand on that square?
197
00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:10,730
Oh, well, that's traditionally where the
boss stands to sign the papers.
198
00:10:10,731 --> 00:10:12,400
Oh, I'll tell you what,
why don't you stand on
199
00:10:12,401 --> 00:10:13,950
the square, I'll stand
next to you and sign it.
200
00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:17,970
Oh, well, I guess you've outsmarted me
then.
201
00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,870
So why don't you just stand right there?
202
00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:21,950
No!
203
00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:27,410
Well, that ought to keep them out of my
face for another hour or so.
204
00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:34,170
No, see, that's what happens when people
operate out of fear.
205
00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:37,870
Which is exactly why I put out that no
-firing memo.
206
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:41,950
Carrie, the guy you're memo about no more
firing, is this a joke?
207
00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:44,290
Nope, it's true, nobody can get fired.
208
00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:48,139
I want you to feel free to
achieve and take chances
209
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:50,571
without worrying that you're
gonna do the wrong thing.
210
00:10:51,390 --> 00:10:54,170
From now on, there is no wrong thing.
211
00:10:54,850 --> 00:10:58,250
The only wrong thing is to think that
you're gonna do the wrong...
212
00:10:58,251 --> 00:10:59,386
No, wait, that's the wrong thing.
213
00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:01,310
There is no wrong thing.
214
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:03,470
Who do we love, everybody?
215
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,130
True!
216
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:06,390
Three cheers for the pig!
217
00:11:06,690 --> 00:11:07,690
Hip, hip, pig!
218
00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:07,930
Pig!
219
00:11:07,931 --> 00:11:08,931
Hip, hip, pig!
220
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,090
Hip, hip, pig!
221
00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:13,710
You know, even when you're on my side,
it hurts.
222
00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:18,106
But, looks like I'm a big hero,
so what do you think of that, Mamie?
223
00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:20,330
I think you're finally standing on the
right square.
224
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:22,110
Well, oh, man, I'm stuck.
225
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:24,534
The joke's on you, because
all I gotta do is bend down
226
00:11:24,535 --> 00:11:26,631
on the top of my shoe and
I'll be outta here in a second.
227
00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:29,390
Well, I guess I better take a picture
quick then, huh?
228
00:11:29,550 --> 00:11:30,550
That's right.
229
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,460
Smile for the folks back home.
230
00:11:44,340 --> 00:11:46,056
Thanks for taking us to the executive
dining room, Drew.
231
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,996
It's fun to have people stuck up to you
like that.
232
00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:50,816
Yeah, I felt like a real bigwig when the
guy said, those rules are free,
233
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,516
you don't have to stuff them in your
pocket.
234
00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:53,540
Sir.
235
00:12:00,790 --> 00:12:01,790
Hey, Drew.
236
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,210
Thank you.
237
00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,850
Let's stop that really easy, please.
238
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,890
It's my pleasure.
239
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,250
Thank you.
240
00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:07,370
Bless you, my child.
241
00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:08,110
Friends of Drew's.
242
00:12:08,130 --> 00:12:08,750
Friends of Drew's.
243
00:12:08,751 --> 00:12:09,751
Done since college.
244
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,310
Seen him naked.
245
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,730
No big thing.
246
00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:14,419
Drew, I missed lunch because
the employees and I wanted to get
247
00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:17,830
you a gift to show our thanks
to the best boss in Cincinnati.
248
00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:18,910
You have mail.
249
00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:20,321
We couldn't come up
with anything big, so we
250
00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:22,771
all decided to do a little
something on our own.
251
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,047
Tom, the security
guard, said he'll no longer
252
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,691
operate his portable
TV off your car battery.
253
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:28,806
Eight batteries in one year?
254
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:29,830
I knew that wasn't right.
255
00:12:30,490 --> 00:12:32,962
And Sally and House versa,
she's gonna come up with much
256
00:12:32,963 --> 00:12:35,350
more believable excuses as to
why she won't go out with you.
257
00:12:35,351 --> 00:12:36,370
Sally and House...
258
00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:38,130
She's alive!
259
00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:43,750
Look, lady, I've shown you five different
makeup mirrors.
260
00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:47,290
I don't care if they simulate daylight,
office light, or any other light.
261
00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:49,510
The only thing that's gonna help you is
midnight.
262
00:12:51,530 --> 00:12:56,291
Now take that face over to Macy's where
they still think the customer's number one.
263
00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,590
What I gotta do, throw a bone?
264
00:13:01,670 --> 00:13:03,370
Take her shopping and win for a louder.
265
00:13:03,570 --> 00:13:04,850
Have a beautiful, beautiful day.
266
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:06,910
Hey, uh, where'd she go?
267
00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:09,170
I wanna ask her why sales and the
housewares are down.
268
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,470
I swear to God, it's not as bad as it
looks.
269
00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:12,650
Ah, who am I kidding?
270
00:13:12,770 --> 00:13:13,770
I'm fired, right?
271
00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:16,370
Lawrence, I'm very disappointed in you.
272
00:13:16,950 --> 00:13:17,570
And I'm fired.
273
00:13:17,890 --> 00:13:19,930
I put my 17 years
on the line to give you
274
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:21,950
job security and you
stabbed me in the back.
275
00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:22,870
I don't know what to say.
276
00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:24,130
I'm crushed.
277
00:13:24,330 --> 00:13:24,950
Hold on here.
278
00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,490
I heard blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
279
00:13:26,790 --> 00:13:28,030
But I didn't hear fired.
280
00:13:28,031 --> 00:13:30,030
I told you before, Larry, you can't get
fired.
281
00:13:31,190 --> 00:13:32,346
Wait, I know what's going on here.
282
00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:33,970
You're setting me up, aren't you,
Carrie?
283
00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:34,910
No, this isn't a game.
284
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:36,010
You can't get fired.
285
00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:37,230
Not for this either?
286
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:37,630
Nope.
287
00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:38,630
Hmm.
288
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:40,270
Thanks.
289
00:13:40,690 --> 00:13:41,690
You're fired, bastard.
290
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:45,690
You're not gonna spoil this, Larry.
291
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:48,101
One bad egg, and I
use that analogy because
292
00:13:48,102 --> 00:13:50,150
you're bald, has not been
warned of anybody else.
293
00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:51,870
Now, these other people want to work.
294
00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:53,550
I suggest you join the club.
295
00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:57,530
So what I'm hearing is there's nothing we
can do here to get fired.
296
00:13:58,010 --> 00:13:59,370
You hear that, everybody?
297
00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:02,030
There really is nothing we can do here to
get fired.
298
00:14:02,570 --> 00:14:02,570
Ever!
299
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:03,130
Ever!
300
00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:06,510
Wait, you really have a backup plan in
case somebody takes advantage, right?
301
00:14:06,810 --> 00:14:08,050
Trust in human nature, Osborne.
302
00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:09,390
People are basically good.
303
00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:12,850
Hey, who wants to go to the boardroom and
raid the wet bar to celebrate?
304
00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:15,010
I think you'll find yourself alone in
this, Larry.
305
00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:17,530
Okay, you and Mark are alone.
306
00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,570
You, Mark, and Sally are alone.
307
00:14:19,870 --> 00:14:22,110
You, Mark, Sally, and Jimin are alone.
308
00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:25,990
Okay, you're a crowd now, but that crowd
is alone.
309
00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:26,991
Oh,
310
00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:31,640
yeah, and then what?
311
00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:33,380
All right.
312
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:34,960
Okay, cool.
313
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:36,320
Hey, talk to you later.
314
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:37,580
Bye.
315
00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:39,220
Sorry about that.
316
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,501
Look, I know we're in
uncharted territory here, and you
317
00:14:41,502 --> 00:14:43,821
might not know where the
boundaries are, so let me help you.
318
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,562
Taking an unauthorized
15-minute break is not
319
00:14:47,563 --> 00:14:50,981
so bad, but using it to
pee off the building is.
320
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:54,840
You know, I almost hit the parking
structure.
321
00:14:57,380 --> 00:14:58,440
I don't care.
322
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,200
Wow.
323
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,332
Nevertheless, what you
do is wrong, and I want
324
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:05,401
you to listen to me
and listen to me good.
325
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:07,640
You have lost my trust.
326
00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:13,180
I'm sorry to be so hard on you, but
you're peeing on my feet now, aren't you?
327
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:15,820
Gotcha.
328
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:18,360
Look, I'm sorry, buddy.
329
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:20,820
I'll try and do better.
330
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:21,860
Oh!
331
00:15:21,861 --> 00:15:25,200
We got
332
00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:30,640
big problems, Drew.
333
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,200
There's nobody in shoes.
334
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,277
They're running wildly in
their toy department, and this
335
00:15:34,278 --> 00:15:36,421
is pretty much all that's
left of the candy department.
336
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,080
Bitter orange?
337
00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:39,340
Yeah.
338
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,600
Yeah.
339
00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:42,480
Hey, look, what can I do?
340
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,780
A lifeline of the store is toys.
341
00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,032
Now, they're going to
expect us to go through shoes,
342
00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:50,981
because only an idiot would
go through housewares.
343
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,440
So what are we going to do?
344
00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:53,580
Go through shoes?
345
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:56,240
No, we're going to go through housewares,
and you know why?
346
00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:57,220
Because we're idiots.
347
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,500
Right.
348
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:00,860
Just ask one question.
349
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,080
Why don't you go back on the no-firing
policy?
350
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:05,500
Because I still think I can make this
work.
351
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,940
If I don't, I can kiss any chance of me
running the store again.
352
00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:10,180
Goodbye.
353
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,400
Well, I'm behind you.
354
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,720
It ain't pretty, but I'm behind you.
355
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,800
It's nice to know who your friends are in
a crisis.
356
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,600
Yeah, it would be nice.
357
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,820
That's not why I'm behind you.
358
00:16:22,821 --> 00:16:26,200
And behind you, because the no-firing
policy is a good policy, and if people
359
00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:28,036
take advantage of it, then we're going to
lose it.
360
00:16:28,060 --> 00:16:29,060
And that's not fair.
361
00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:30,620
And I killed Mrs. Lauder's cat.
362
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,560
Ganny, I need to speak to you.
363
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:36,880
Right here, sir.
364
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,760
Mr. Wick, what are you doing back so soon?
365
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,320
You're not well enough to work yet.
366
00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:47,060
Why not?
367
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,760
I feel a hundred percent.
368
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:53,380
Maybe next week.
369
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,940
Okay, I need your opinion on something.
370
00:16:57,020 --> 00:16:59,900
Close your eyes, hold out your hand,
and tell me if this feels natural.
371
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,280
Oh, can I already tell you it doesn't,
sir?
372
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:04,820
Now, squeeze.
373
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:06,340
All righty.
374
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,400
What does that feel like?
375
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,180
I don't know, a small plum, maybe?
376
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,260
Mmm, it's a prosthetic testicle.
377
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,580
Oh, for God's sake, get it?
378
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,560
Ah, only $300?
379
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:22,800
How much do you charge for the price?
380
00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:23,801
The brass ones.
381
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,240
Hello.
382
00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:31,520
It's all dusty now.
383
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:34,740
Why'd you make me touch it in the first
place?
384
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:36,849
Well, it's too intimidating
to ask a woman and
385
00:17:36,929 --> 00:17:39,360
too embarrassing to ask
a man, so I asked you.
386
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,780
Well, I'd like to help you, but I can't
say.
387
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,176
I mean, usually I'm doing that kind of
thing.
388
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:46,880
I have a beer in my hand and the game's
on.
389
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:55,781
Mimi, I don't want to worry you, but your
human covering has sprung a few leaves.
390
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,180
Well, I talked to him down in toys.
391
00:17:58,720 --> 00:17:59,720
Oh, how'd it go?
392
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,920
I covered a green slime, you idiot!
393
00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:02,900
They're out of control!
394
00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:04,060
You're on your own!
395
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,840
Oh, I instituted a couple of new policies.
396
00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:09,300
Just fine-tuning it a little bit.
397
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,720
Okay, it's sticky and fun now.
398
00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:14,820
You go ahead and sell it.
399
00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:20,660
I came down here because I was concerned
you might try to usurp my position.
400
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,620
I don't know what I was worrying about.
401
00:18:24,380 --> 00:18:26,860
You don't have the Capone to do this job.
402
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,960
Well, this is fun, but I gotta get back to
work, you know?
403
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:37,580
I got a lot more packages to deliver.
404
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:37,980
Wait, wait.
405
00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:39,300
Don't you get paid by the hour?
406
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:39,960
Oh, yeah.
407
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,380
Okay, one more game.
408
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:44,700
Go, buddy!
409
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,856
Finally got the stick out of your butt and
you're playing pool with it.
410
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:48,880
Good for you.
411
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,940
Listen, I didn't get my paycheck.
412
00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:51,740
Have you signed them yet?
413
00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:52,300
Sure, buddy.
414
00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:53,940
Right there on my desk.
415
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:54,700
Thanks, man.
416
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:57,300
This guy's going to be back in the craps
game in the stationery.
417
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,280
Wait a second.
418
00:18:59,460 --> 00:19:00,460
What's the signature?
419
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,760
Who's Dr. Mello?
420
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,520
I am, baby.
421
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,980
I'm not prescribing you 10cc's of vitamin
chill.
422
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,060
Drew, I'm kind of in a rush.
423
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:12,260
I'm in the middle of a volleyball game
down in shoes.
424
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:15,520
But, um, have you signed my vacation
request forms yet?
425
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,380
Hey, I'm tired of being the responsible
one, okay?
426
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,456
I don't want to be the hall monitor
anymore.
427
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,800
I want to be the stoner that gets the art
teacher pregnant.
428
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,400
What the hell are you talking about,
Carrie?
429
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:27,840
Don't you get it, man?
430
00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:29,960
I'm on your side.
431
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,480
I think it's great.
432
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,160
I agree with you.
433
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,500
So what if the store goes down and we all
lose our jobs?
434
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,560
The important thing is we're having fun
now, right?
435
00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:39,780
Yeah, you're right.
436
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:40,500
Yeah.
437
00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:41,960
No, I'm not, right?
438
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:42,940
I was trying to prove a point.
439
00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:44,180
What's wrong with you people?
440
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,360
He's a man.
441
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,156
He left the store to store the hell right
around you.
442
00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:49,461
You'd sit in your own dung heap if nobody
told you not to.
443
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,636
Well, you know, you took away their rules,
Drew.
444
00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:52,740
They don't know how to act.
445
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,480
This is like the time we tried to treat
Mr. Puddles like a member of the family
446
00:19:55,481 --> 00:19:57,076
and let him eat Thanksgiving dinner with
us.
447
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:58,760
Before you know it, he's licking himself.
448
00:19:58,920 --> 00:19:59,920
He mounted the turkey.
449
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:03,760
We realize he's not a member of the
family.
450
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,620
He's one of grandpa's old army buddies.
451
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:08,960
Drew, Drew, Drew.
452
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:10,260
I got to talk to you quick.
453
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:11,860
I was in the parking lot playing
volleyball with the others.
454
00:20:11,861 --> 00:20:13,940
And I saw Mrs. Ladder getting out of her
car.
455
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,680
She's not supposed to be here yet.
456
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:17,860
She's not in the escalator!
457
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:19,820
Quick, hurry!
458
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:20,380
Get back to work!
459
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:21,040
Back to work!
460
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:21,560
Why?
461
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,156
If the old bat gets mabbled, just tell her
it's all because of your stupid policy.
462
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:25,840
Besides, what are you going to do?
463
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:26,480
Fire us?
464
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:27,780
Hey, you, steal the computer.
465
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:28,200
What's your name?
466
00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:28,980
Johnson.
467
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:29,620
Oh, of course.
468
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,396
I got one thing to say to you,
buddy.
469
00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:32,900
You are fired!
470
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:35,820
He's firing people again.
471
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:36,140
Party's over.
472
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:37,220
Let's get back to work.
473
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:39,920
I'm sorry, Drew.
474
00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:41,236
You know, it's just a shame.
475
00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:43,820
People are always looking for a way to
take advantage on the job.
476
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,576
Well, I better repack this thing.
477
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,600
I can get it delivered.
478
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:50,560
Well, this is fun.
479
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:53,100
Oh, Mr. Drew actually had this ping-pong
table anyway.
480
00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:55,160
Oh, about 130 years.
481
00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:57,909
His mother wouldn't
let his father bring it in
482
00:20:57,910 --> 00:21:00,220
the house after he got
back from the Civil War.
483
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,440
Oh, yeah.
484
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,120
So, anything new down at Farmco?
485
00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:04,700
Nah.
486
00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:06,660
How's the world of brain surgery treating
you?
487
00:21:06,661 --> 00:21:08,640
Well, you know, same old, same old.
488
00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:10,100
Took out three brains, put in two.
489
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,000
So, you want to go to the bronze game
tonight?
490
00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:15,060
Oh, yeah.
491
00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:16,020
Wait a minute.
492
00:21:16,220 --> 00:21:17,520
The bronze don't exist anymore.
493
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,760
You almost wrote that down, didn't you?
494
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:25,140
Ah, there it is.
495
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:26,800
It's all dusty again.
34671
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