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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,300 Good evening. 2 00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:12,620 And welcome to the Drew Carey Show April Fool's Contest. 3 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:13,780 Now, it's real easy. 4 00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,266 All you gotta do is get a pencil ready and look 5 00:00:15,267 --> 00:00:16,640 for all the stuff that's wrong with the show. 6 00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:19,660 It's like that thing you did when you were a kid with the pictures. 7 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:20,900 No, no, not that thing. 8 00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:21,580 Not those pictures. 9 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:23,720 It's like, what's wrong with this picture? 10 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:24,340 Now, here's an example. 11 00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:25,740 Lewis, come on out here. 12 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:27,980 What? 13 00:00:28,340 --> 00:00:29,420 You figured it out already? 14 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,116 Well, the money's practically in your pocket. 15 00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:33,020 As a matter of fact, start spending it right now. 16 00:00:33,021 --> 00:00:37,120 Now, whoever finds the most mistakes in tonight's episode, and there's at least 50 17 00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:40,603 of them, wins $25,000 and a trip to Hollywood 18 00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:43,300 to be on the show and have lunch with me. 19 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,096 And there's lots more prizes that everybody else has a chance to win. 20 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,248 And you can find all the rules at abc.com or the 21 00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:51,540 current issues of TV Guide and People Magazine. 22 00:00:51,740 --> 00:00:54,603 You can also enter through ABC Online or send your list to 23 00:00:54,604 --> 00:00:57,060 an address that we'll be giving you later on in the show. 24 00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,360 So, let's start watching. 25 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,220 The game begins right now. 26 00:01:02,221 --> 00:01:03,221 Attention. 27 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:04,840 Attention, please. 28 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,100 Can I have everybody's attention? 29 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,232 My harassment suit against Winford softer has been 30 00:01:10,233 --> 00:01:12,881 settled, so I won't be delivering your mail anymore. 31 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:20,280 So, if you're missing any important mail, you can get it at the Welcome Back, Mimi. 32 00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:22,374 We love your luncheon that you'll be throwing 33 00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:24,800 me this Friday in the good restaurant upstairs. 34 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:30,780 Oh, by the way, thank you for dipping into the Christmas fun and buying me a new VCR. 35 00:01:30,781 --> 00:01:34,221 You really shouldn't have, but, you know... You're better! 36 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:36,960 Well, back, guys. 37 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:38,300 Everybody grab your old seats. 38 00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:42,400 Ah, Mimi, at last is finally here. 39 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:44,620 The day I've been waiting for for so long. 40 00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:46,845 Hey, if you really want to welcome me back, 41 00:01:46,846 --> 00:01:49,221 nothing says hello like a nice, warm tongue bath. 42 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,280 Oh, no! 43 00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:54,680 I mean, Mrs. Louder on the board flying to the head office in Kyoto this morning. 44 00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:57,129 I finally get that woman and her castrated 45 00:01:57,130 --> 00:02:00,401 sheep of a voice out of my hair for a while. 46 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:01,840 Bick! 47 00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:03,740 Bick! 48 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,160 Is that the flutter of angel wings I heard? 49 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,560 Damn right you did. 50 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:13,140 Now, I'm on my way to the airport, and I just want you to know that I'm 51 00:02:13,141 --> 00:02:17,320 placing a huge responsibility on your pasty little girl's shoulders. 52 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,140 Don't worry, Mrs. L, the store's in good hands. 53 00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:22,000 I know that. 54 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,420 I'm talking about my cat. 55 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,300 Now, here's my house key and a test kit. 56 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,000 Test kit? 57 00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:29,420 Yes. 58 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,700 Lord Fauntleroy's had some digestive problems. 59 00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,700 His eliminations need to be monitored very closely. 60 00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:41,600 And another immigrant's dream's come true. 61 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,800 Have a good flight into a mountain. 62 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,420 How does it feel not to be man enough to say something to somebody's face? 63 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:53,320 Walk away and I'll tell you. 64 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,080 No, no, stay there, Bonbeck. 65 00:02:58,740 --> 00:02:59,840 I want you to see this. 66 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:04,220 I'm finally free to fire someone the way I've always dreamed. 67 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,500 Johnson! 68 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:13,020 Johnson, you're fired. 69 00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:22,340 Unless you can shoot this apple from my head using this rascal. 70 00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:26,320 By the way, Johnson, I saw your wife yesterday. 71 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,000 At least I thought it was your wife. 72 00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:30,460 The divider came down before I could put in another quarter. 73 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,796 No, I'm not going to mince words with you. 74 00:03:35,820 --> 00:03:37,500 You've always had more looks than brains. 75 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,800 This is ridiculous. 76 00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:39,980 Don't worry. 77 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,520 I've rigged the crossbow. 78 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,761 When he pulls the trigger, all that's going to happen 79 00:03:43,762 --> 00:03:45,920 is a little flag will come down saying you're fired. 80 00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:50,220 Why are you such an evil bastard? 81 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:51,900 You know what it does to me. 82 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,180 Are you ready, Johnson? 83 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,040 Ready! 84 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,640 Aim! 85 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:02,920 Fire! 86 00:04:05,220 --> 00:04:06,220 I 87 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,130 have a guy with an arrow in his... 88 00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:18,171 Hey, is that arrow in your... Yes! 89 00:04:19,690 --> 00:04:22,110 Yeah, it's in his, uh, goodie bag. 90 00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:25,010 Whoa! 91 00:04:30,050 --> 00:04:33,010 All this energy calling me... 92 00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:36,010 Back where it comes from... 93 00:04:36,790 --> 00:04:39,010 It's such a crude attitude... 94 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,010 It's back where it belongs... 95 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:48,050 All the little chicks with the grins and lips go gleeblin' rocks... 96 00:04:48,051 --> 00:04:53,470 Gleeblin' rocks... Living in sin where the safety men go gleeblin 97 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,740 '... Man, I'm telling you, you've never seen anything like it. 98 00:05:12,741 --> 00:05:15,760 Mr. Wick didn't want him to pry the arrow loose, so they had to take the hinges off 99 00:05:15,761 --> 00:05:18,621 the door... and they carried them right to the store on it. 100 00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:21,700 Yeah, it wasn't good for business, although we did sell out of athletic cups. 101 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,100 Poor guy. 102 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:24,680 That's harsh. 103 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:25,280 Oh, shh. 104 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,040 Hello, Mr. Wick. 105 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,020 Oh, this is your one remaining testicle, Colin. 106 00:05:34,490 --> 00:05:35,650 I miss me, mate. 107 00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:43,750 How do you sound? 108 00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:45,090 Not too happy. 109 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,650 That's understandable. 110 00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:48,910 He's probably a little testy. 111 00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:55,430 Now, you gotta be ashamed of yourselves making prank phone calls... 112 00:05:55,431 --> 00:05:57,250 so a guy just took an arrow through his scrotum... 113 00:05:57,251 --> 00:05:59,411 without asking him if Papa's gonna get a brand new bag. 114 00:06:03,410 --> 00:06:04,410 Oh, nuts. 115 00:06:06,990 --> 00:06:07,990 Just a sack. 116 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,960 Taking an arrow through the most sensitive part of your body... 117 00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:18,521 I can't imagine a pain worse than that. 118 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:20,840 Oh, here it is. 119 00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:26,580 If there's a house behind you, I'd like to enter, please. 120 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,920 What do you want, Fifi? 121 00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:30,900 Just got back from the hospital. 122 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,380 I have really, really bad news about Mr. Wick. 123 00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,060 He put you in charge of the store. 124 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,280 Obviously, he did do his thinking down there. 125 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:44,180 Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm finally gonna be in charge of Whitford Louder. 126 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:48,120 Only for a week or two... until he gets all his eggs back in one basket. 127 00:06:49,940 --> 00:06:52,060 Daddy, you got what I'm going for there? 128 00:06:58,570 --> 00:06:59,750 That's terrible, Mimi. 129 00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:01,550 The man has been through something awful. 130 00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:03,730 I'll be with you guys in a minute. 131 00:07:04,770 --> 00:07:06,450 Anyway, he's starting tomorrow. 132 00:07:06,750 --> 00:07:07,750 I'm working for you. 133 00:07:07,810 --> 00:07:09,910 So don't think you can get all handsy on me. 134 00:07:11,070 --> 00:07:11,750 Don't worry, boys. 135 00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:12,990 I would never do that to you. 136 00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:15,630 Drew, this is fantastic. 137 00:07:15,890 --> 00:07:17,130 You finally get to be the boss. 138 00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,170 Hey, I know just how we can celebrate, too, huh? 139 00:07:20,171 --> 00:07:25,690 It's time to stop aging and start drinking the newest creation from Buzz Beer. 140 00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:26,330 Yeah. 141 00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:28,750 I think it's gonna sell really well down in the Berlin. 142 00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:31,550 It's a combination of Buzz Beer and champagne. 143 00:07:33,230 --> 00:07:34,290 Can you call it booze? 144 00:07:35,290 --> 00:07:36,370 No, no, Monsieur. 145 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,490 We call it bouzé. 146 00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:42,030 You know, this is the chance I've been waiting for. 147 00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:43,586 I got till Mrs. Louder gets back next week to 148 00:07:43,587 --> 00:07:46,231 prove that I got what it takes to be a leader. 149 00:07:46,370 --> 00:07:47,370 Oh, hey, Speedy. 150 00:07:50,490 --> 00:07:53,670 Well, you know, you got a body like Buddha. 151 00:07:53,910 --> 00:07:55,110 Billions of people follow him. 152 00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:58,610 Yes. 153 00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:00,550 But Buddha doesn't do this. 154 00:08:03,590 --> 00:08:05,830 I think Buddha is more of a nudgy man. 155 00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:09,310 Man, I hate it when we discuss religion. 156 00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:17,230 I just want to show people that I'm different now. 157 00:08:17,710 --> 00:08:19,750 I want them to see I'm not a heartless bastard like Mr. Wick. 158 00:08:19,751 --> 00:08:21,930 I don't want them, like, going around scared. 159 00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:23,510 They're gonna be fired every second. 160 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,590 Hey, that's it! 161 00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:25,050 What? 162 00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:26,830 I'm not gonna fire anybody. 163 00:08:27,610 --> 00:08:28,770 You mean without good reason? 164 00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:30,230 No. 165 00:08:30,270 --> 00:08:30,990 Nobody at all. 166 00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,350 Starting tomorrow, no one can get fired. 167 00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:35,030 You have this theory. 168 00:08:35,570 --> 00:08:37,731 You expect the best of people, and I'll give it to you. 169 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:40,110 You don't have to threaten people to motivate them. 170 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,250 You know, Jew may be on this. 171 00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:49,910 You know, if I wasn't so scared of getting fired every time I lost a package, 172 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,130 I wouldn't have to hide out in a bar all day. 173 00:08:53,890 --> 00:08:54,510 Look at this. 174 00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:56,270 It's more cost-efficient, see? 175 00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:59,770 Every time we fire somebody, we gotta pay this much to train somebody new. 176 00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:00,410 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 177 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:01,887 Listen, we don't know how long it's 178 00:09:01,987 --> 00:09:04,830 gonna take for the bouzé to separate, so... 179 00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:07,810 Here's to Jew who gets to be boss as long as Wick's in the hospital. 180 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,130 Here's to infection. 181 00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:17,700 Here's to the worst-tasting champagne we've ever had. 182 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,400 Oh, why'd we do that? 183 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:22,500 It's horrible. 184 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,140 It's a learning from our mistakes. 185 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:35,230 Mimi, I need you to type up this memo for me. 186 00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:37,450 Oh, yes, of course, Mr. Carey. 187 00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:41,630 And here are your reports and your day planner. 188 00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:45,490 And by the way, I took the liberty of booking a massage for you this afternoon. 189 00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:46,750 Wait a second. 190 00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:49,926 You want me to believe that I'm gonna lie down naked and nothing's gonna happen? 191 00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:50,950 Does it ever? 192 00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:55,190 No, no, this is on the up and up. 193 00:09:55,670 --> 00:09:57,150 Um, I'm a professional. 194 00:09:57,310 --> 00:10:02,830 If you'll just stand on that square and sign these papers, we'll start the day. 195 00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:04,330 Wait a second. 196 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,430 How come I have to stand on that square? 197 00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:10,730 Oh, well, that's traditionally where the boss stands to sign the papers. 198 00:10:10,731 --> 00:10:12,400 Oh, I'll tell you what, why don't you stand on 199 00:10:12,401 --> 00:10:13,950 the square, I'll stand next to you and sign it. 200 00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:17,970 Oh, well, I guess you've outsmarted me then. 201 00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,870 So why don't you just stand right there? 202 00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:21,950 No! 203 00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:27,410 Well, that ought to keep them out of my face for another hour or so. 204 00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:34,170 No, see, that's what happens when people operate out of fear. 205 00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:37,870 Which is exactly why I put out that no -firing memo. 206 00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:41,950 Carrie, the guy you're memo about no more firing, is this a joke? 207 00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:44,290 Nope, it's true, nobody can get fired. 208 00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:48,139 I want you to feel free to achieve and take chances 209 00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:50,571 without worrying that you're gonna do the wrong thing. 210 00:10:51,390 --> 00:10:54,170 From now on, there is no wrong thing. 211 00:10:54,850 --> 00:10:58,250 The only wrong thing is to think that you're gonna do the wrong... 212 00:10:58,251 --> 00:10:59,386 No, wait, that's the wrong thing. 213 00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:01,310 There is no wrong thing. 214 00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:03,470 Who do we love, everybody? 215 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,130 True! 216 00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:06,390 Three cheers for the pig! 217 00:11:06,690 --> 00:11:07,690 Hip, hip, pig! 218 00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:07,930 Pig! 219 00:11:07,931 --> 00:11:08,931 Hip, hip, pig! 220 00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,090 Hip, hip, pig! 221 00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:13,710 You know, even when you're on my side, it hurts. 222 00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:18,106 But, looks like I'm a big hero, so what do you think of that, Mamie? 223 00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:20,330 I think you're finally standing on the right square. 224 00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:22,110 Well, oh, man, I'm stuck. 225 00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:24,534 The joke's on you, because all I gotta do is bend down 226 00:11:24,535 --> 00:11:26,631 on the top of my shoe and I'll be outta here in a second. 227 00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:29,390 Well, I guess I better take a picture quick then, huh? 228 00:11:29,550 --> 00:11:30,550 That's right. 229 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,460 Smile for the folks back home. 230 00:11:44,340 --> 00:11:46,056 Thanks for taking us to the executive dining room, Drew. 231 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,996 It's fun to have people stuck up to you like that. 232 00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:50,816 Yeah, I felt like a real bigwig when the guy said, those rules are free, 233 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,516 you don't have to stuff them in your pocket. 234 00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:53,540 Sir. 235 00:12:00,790 --> 00:12:01,790 Hey, Drew. 236 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,210 Thank you. 237 00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,850 Let's stop that really easy, please. 238 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,890 It's my pleasure. 239 00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,250 Thank you. 240 00:12:06,370 --> 00:12:07,370 Bless you, my child. 241 00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:08,110 Friends of Drew's. 242 00:12:08,130 --> 00:12:08,750 Friends of Drew's. 243 00:12:08,751 --> 00:12:09,751 Done since college. 244 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,310 Seen him naked. 245 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,730 No big thing. 246 00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:14,419 Drew, I missed lunch because the employees and I wanted to get 247 00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:17,830 you a gift to show our thanks to the best boss in Cincinnati. 248 00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:18,910 You have mail. 249 00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:20,321 We couldn't come up with anything big, so we 250 00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:22,771 all decided to do a little something on our own. 251 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,047 Tom, the security guard, said he'll no longer 252 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,691 operate his portable TV off your car battery. 253 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:28,806 Eight batteries in one year? 254 00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:29,830 I knew that wasn't right. 255 00:12:30,490 --> 00:12:32,962 And Sally and House versa, she's gonna come up with much 256 00:12:32,963 --> 00:12:35,350 more believable excuses as to why she won't go out with you. 257 00:12:35,351 --> 00:12:36,370 Sally and House... 258 00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:38,130 She's alive! 259 00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:43,750 Look, lady, I've shown you five different makeup mirrors. 260 00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:47,290 I don't care if they simulate daylight, office light, or any other light. 261 00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:49,510 The only thing that's gonna help you is midnight. 262 00:12:51,530 --> 00:12:56,291 Now take that face over to Macy's where they still think the customer's number one. 263 00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,590 What I gotta do, throw a bone? 264 00:13:01,670 --> 00:13:03,370 Take her shopping and win for a louder. 265 00:13:03,570 --> 00:13:04,850 Have a beautiful, beautiful day. 266 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:06,910 Hey, uh, where'd she go? 267 00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:09,170 I wanna ask her why sales and the housewares are down. 268 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,470 I swear to God, it's not as bad as it looks. 269 00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:12,650 Ah, who am I kidding? 270 00:13:12,770 --> 00:13:13,770 I'm fired, right? 271 00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:16,370 Lawrence, I'm very disappointed in you. 272 00:13:16,950 --> 00:13:17,570 And I'm fired. 273 00:13:17,890 --> 00:13:19,930 I put my 17 years on the line to give you 274 00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:21,950 job security and you stabbed me in the back. 275 00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:22,870 I don't know what to say. 276 00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:24,130 I'm crushed. 277 00:13:24,330 --> 00:13:24,950 Hold on here. 278 00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,490 I heard blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 279 00:13:26,790 --> 00:13:28,030 But I didn't hear fired. 280 00:13:28,031 --> 00:13:30,030 I told you before, Larry, you can't get fired. 281 00:13:31,190 --> 00:13:32,346 Wait, I know what's going on here. 282 00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:33,970 You're setting me up, aren't you, Carrie? 283 00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:34,910 No, this isn't a game. 284 00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:36,010 You can't get fired. 285 00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:37,230 Not for this either? 286 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:37,630 Nope. 287 00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:38,630 Hmm. 288 00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:40,270 Thanks. 289 00:13:40,690 --> 00:13:41,690 You're fired, bastard. 290 00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:45,690 You're not gonna spoil this, Larry. 291 00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:48,101 One bad egg, and I use that analogy because 292 00:13:48,102 --> 00:13:50,150 you're bald, has not been warned of anybody else. 293 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:51,870 Now, these other people want to work. 294 00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:53,550 I suggest you join the club. 295 00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:57,530 So what I'm hearing is there's nothing we can do here to get fired. 296 00:13:58,010 --> 00:13:59,370 You hear that, everybody? 297 00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:02,030 There really is nothing we can do here to get fired. 298 00:14:02,570 --> 00:14:02,570 Ever! 299 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:03,130 Ever! 300 00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:06,510 Wait, you really have a backup plan in case somebody takes advantage, right? 301 00:14:06,810 --> 00:14:08,050 Trust in human nature, Osborne. 302 00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:09,390 People are basically good. 303 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:12,850 Hey, who wants to go to the boardroom and raid the wet bar to celebrate? 304 00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:15,010 I think you'll find yourself alone in this, Larry. 305 00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:17,530 Okay, you and Mark are alone. 306 00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,570 You, Mark, and Sally are alone. 307 00:14:19,870 --> 00:14:22,110 You, Mark, Sally, and Jimin are alone. 308 00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:25,990 Okay, you're a crowd now, but that crowd is alone. 309 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:26,991 Oh, 310 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:31,640 yeah, and then what? 311 00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:33,380 All right. 312 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:34,960 Okay, cool. 313 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:36,320 Hey, talk to you later. 314 00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:37,580 Bye. 315 00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:39,220 Sorry about that. 316 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,501 Look, I know we're in uncharted territory here, and you 317 00:14:41,502 --> 00:14:43,821 might not know where the boundaries are, so let me help you. 318 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,562 Taking an unauthorized 15-minute break is not 319 00:14:47,563 --> 00:14:50,981 so bad, but using it to pee off the building is. 320 00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:54,840 You know, I almost hit the parking structure. 321 00:14:57,380 --> 00:14:58,440 I don't care. 322 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,200 Wow. 323 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,332 Nevertheless, what you do is wrong, and I want 324 00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:05,401 you to listen to me and listen to me good. 325 00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:07,640 You have lost my trust. 326 00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:13,180 I'm sorry to be so hard on you, but you're peeing on my feet now, aren't you? 327 00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:15,820 Gotcha. 328 00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:18,360 Look, I'm sorry, buddy. 329 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:20,820 I'll try and do better. 330 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:21,860 Oh! 331 00:15:21,861 --> 00:15:25,200 We got 332 00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:30,640 big problems, Drew. 333 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,200 There's nobody in shoes. 334 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,277 They're running wildly in their toy department, and this 335 00:15:34,278 --> 00:15:36,421 is pretty much all that's left of the candy department. 336 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,080 Bitter orange? 337 00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:39,340 Yeah. 338 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,600 Yeah. 339 00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:42,480 Hey, look, what can I do? 340 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,780 A lifeline of the store is toys. 341 00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:49,032 Now, they're going to expect us to go through shoes, 342 00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:50,981 because only an idiot would go through housewares. 343 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,440 So what are we going to do? 344 00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:53,580 Go through shoes? 345 00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:56,240 No, we're going to go through housewares, and you know why? 346 00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:57,220 Because we're idiots. 347 00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,500 Right. 348 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:00,860 Just ask one question. 349 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,080 Why don't you go back on the no-firing policy? 350 00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:05,500 Because I still think I can make this work. 351 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,940 If I don't, I can kiss any chance of me running the store again. 352 00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:10,180 Goodbye. 353 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,400 Well, I'm behind you. 354 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,720 It ain't pretty, but I'm behind you. 355 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,800 It's nice to know who your friends are in a crisis. 356 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,600 Yeah, it would be nice. 357 00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,820 That's not why I'm behind you. 358 00:16:22,821 --> 00:16:26,200 And behind you, because the no-firing policy is a good policy, and if people 359 00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:28,036 take advantage of it, then we're going to lose it. 360 00:16:28,060 --> 00:16:29,060 And that's not fair. 361 00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:30,620 And I killed Mrs. Lauder's cat. 362 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,560 Ganny, I need to speak to you. 363 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:36,880 Right here, sir. 364 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,760 Mr. Wick, what are you doing back so soon? 365 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,320 You're not well enough to work yet. 366 00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:47,060 Why not? 367 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,760 I feel a hundred percent. 368 00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:53,380 Maybe next week. 369 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,940 Okay, I need your opinion on something. 370 00:16:57,020 --> 00:16:59,900 Close your eyes, hold out your hand, and tell me if this feels natural. 371 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,280 Oh, can I already tell you it doesn't, sir? 372 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:04,820 Now, squeeze. 373 00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:06,340 All righty. 374 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,400 What does that feel like? 375 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,180 I don't know, a small plum, maybe? 376 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,260 Mmm, it's a prosthetic testicle. 377 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,580 Oh, for God's sake, get it? 378 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,560 Ah, only $300? 379 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:22,800 How much do you charge for the price? 380 00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:23,801 The brass ones. 381 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,240 Hello. 382 00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:31,520 It's all dusty now. 383 00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:34,740 Why'd you make me touch it in the first place? 384 00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:36,849 Well, it's too intimidating to ask a woman and 385 00:17:36,929 --> 00:17:39,360 too embarrassing to ask a man, so I asked you. 386 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,780 Well, I'd like to help you, but I can't say. 387 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,176 I mean, usually I'm doing that kind of thing. 388 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:46,880 I have a beer in my hand and the game's on. 389 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:55,781 Mimi, I don't want to worry you, but your human covering has sprung a few leaves. 390 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,180 Well, I talked to him down in toys. 391 00:17:58,720 --> 00:17:59,720 Oh, how'd it go? 392 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,920 I covered a green slime, you idiot! 393 00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:02,900 They're out of control! 394 00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:04,060 You're on your own! 395 00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,840 Oh, I instituted a couple of new policies. 396 00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:09,300 Just fine-tuning it a little bit. 397 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,720 Okay, it's sticky and fun now. 398 00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:14,820 You go ahead and sell it. 399 00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:20,660 I came down here because I was concerned you might try to usurp my position. 400 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,620 I don't know what I was worrying about. 401 00:18:24,380 --> 00:18:26,860 You don't have the Capone to do this job. 402 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,960 Well, this is fun, but I gotta get back to work, you know? 403 00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:37,580 I got a lot more packages to deliver. 404 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:37,980 Wait, wait. 405 00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:39,300 Don't you get paid by the hour? 406 00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:39,960 Oh, yeah. 407 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,380 Okay, one more game. 408 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:44,700 Go, buddy! 409 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,856 Finally got the stick out of your butt and you're playing pool with it. 410 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:48,880 Good for you. 411 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:50,940 Listen, I didn't get my paycheck. 412 00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:51,740 Have you signed them yet? 413 00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:52,300 Sure, buddy. 414 00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:53,940 Right there on my desk. 415 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:54,700 Thanks, man. 416 00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:57,300 This guy's going to be back in the craps game in the stationery. 417 00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,280 Wait a second. 418 00:18:59,460 --> 00:19:00,460 What's the signature? 419 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,760 Who's Dr. Mello? 420 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,520 I am, baby. 421 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,980 I'm not prescribing you 10cc's of vitamin chill. 422 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,060 Drew, I'm kind of in a rush. 423 00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:12,260 I'm in the middle of a volleyball game down in shoes. 424 00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:15,520 But, um, have you signed my vacation request forms yet? 425 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,380 Hey, I'm tired of being the responsible one, okay? 426 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,456 I don't want to be the hall monitor anymore. 427 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,800 I want to be the stoner that gets the art teacher pregnant. 428 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,400 What the hell are you talking about, Carrie? 429 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:27,840 Don't you get it, man? 430 00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:29,960 I'm on your side. 431 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,480 I think it's great. 432 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,160 I agree with you. 433 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,500 So what if the store goes down and we all lose our jobs? 434 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,560 The important thing is we're having fun now, right? 435 00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:39,780 Yeah, you're right. 436 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:40,500 Yeah. 437 00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:41,960 No, I'm not, right? 438 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:42,940 I was trying to prove a point. 439 00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:44,180 What's wrong with you people? 440 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,360 He's a man. 441 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,156 He left the store to store the hell right around you. 442 00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:49,461 You'd sit in your own dung heap if nobody told you not to. 443 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,636 Well, you know, you took away their rules, Drew. 444 00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:52,740 They don't know how to act. 445 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,480 This is like the time we tried to treat Mr. Puddles like a member of the family 446 00:19:55,481 --> 00:19:57,076 and let him eat Thanksgiving dinner with us. 447 00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:58,760 Before you know it, he's licking himself. 448 00:19:58,920 --> 00:19:59,920 He mounted the turkey. 449 00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:03,760 We realize he's not a member of the family. 450 00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,620 He's one of grandpa's old army buddies. 451 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:08,960 Drew, Drew, Drew. 452 00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:10,260 I got to talk to you quick. 453 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:11,860 I was in the parking lot playing volleyball with the others. 454 00:20:11,861 --> 00:20:13,940 And I saw Mrs. Ladder getting out of her car. 455 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,680 She's not supposed to be here yet. 456 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:17,860 She's not in the escalator! 457 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:19,820 Quick, hurry! 458 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:20,380 Get back to work! 459 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:21,040 Back to work! 460 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:21,560 Why? 461 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,156 If the old bat gets mabbled, just tell her it's all because of your stupid policy. 462 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:25,840 Besides, what are you going to do? 463 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:26,480 Fire us? 464 00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:27,780 Hey, you, steal the computer. 465 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:28,200 What's your name? 466 00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:28,980 Johnson. 467 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:29,620 Oh, of course. 468 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,396 I got one thing to say to you, buddy. 469 00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:32,900 You are fired! 470 00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:35,820 He's firing people again. 471 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:36,140 Party's over. 472 00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:37,220 Let's get back to work. 473 00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:39,920 I'm sorry, Drew. 474 00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:41,236 You know, it's just a shame. 475 00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:43,820 People are always looking for a way to take advantage on the job. 476 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,576 Well, I better repack this thing. 477 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,600 I can get it delivered. 478 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:50,560 Well, this is fun. 479 00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:53,100 Oh, Mr. Drew actually had this ping-pong table anyway. 480 00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:55,160 Oh, about 130 years. 481 00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:57,909 His mother wouldn't let his father bring it in 482 00:20:57,910 --> 00:21:00,220 the house after he got back from the Civil War. 483 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,440 Oh, yeah. 484 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,120 So, anything new down at Farmco? 485 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:04,700 Nah. 486 00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:06,660 How's the world of brain surgery treating you? 487 00:21:06,661 --> 00:21:08,640 Well, you know, same old, same old. 488 00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:10,100 Took out three brains, put in two. 489 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,000 So, you want to go to the bronze game tonight? 490 00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:15,060 Oh, yeah. 491 00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:16,020 Wait a minute. 492 00:21:16,220 --> 00:21:17,520 The bronze don't exist anymore. 493 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,760 You almost wrote that down, didn't you? 494 00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:25,140 Ah, there it is. 495 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:26,800 It's all dusty again. 34671

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