Original subtitles

This milk is warm.

And this cheese is warm.

Oh, my God, you're warm all over.

Nikki, help!

Poor baby, you're shaking.

Oh, no, that's me.

Wait, wait, wait.

What's going on?

It's Bessie.

She's sick.

But with Bessie, who's Bessie?

We got to cool her down.

We need ice.

Lots of ice.

Oh, sweet Mary and Joseph.

Drew, it's popsicle juice.

Sometimes the motor sticks.

Stand back.

Clear!

Drew, she's gone.

I never told her that I loved her.

Look, we can still save some of the food.

Leave the lettuce and the crisper.

Shake him in here with it, she'll go out with it.

Hey, Drew.

Having another expiration date, Edith on?

I wish this was a joyous occasion, but it's not.

I have some bad news.

Bessie's dead.

You couldn't lead up to it any better?

You just had to blurt it out like that?

Maybe I should say a few words.

Observation from the new guy in the group.

Isn't this just a little strange?

I mean, it's just a refrigerator.

You don't understand, Nicky.

Oh, Bessie's been everything to us.

She's been our town square, our campfire.

She gave him my first beer of my last shake-up, wouldn't she?

We're still gonna be friends, all right?

I mean, we're still gonna hang out, all right?

Yeah, sure you will, buddy.

Listen, here.

Let's have a toast, huh?

To Bessie.

Goodbye, old friend.

Let's get the hell out of here, huh?

Our little chicks with the grims and lips go bleep-land rocks, bleep-land rocks.

Living in sin with a safe deep in your bleep -land.

..

Johnson and I have been having some trouble communicating.

I thought perhaps as human resources director you might be able to help us out.

Well, first, let me see how wonderful I think it is that you're reaching out to an

employee and taking time out of your busy day like that.

That's really great.

You should consider yourself very fortunate there, Johnson.

Yes, I think you'd appreciate it more if you'd stop

kissing my butt and actually make a suggestion.

Well, sometimes role reversal helps.

I mean, it always helps to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Role reversal, eh?

That just might work.

Johnson, you be me and I'll be you.

You start.

Okay.

Johnson, I'm very disappointed in your work.

Very well, ma'am.

I quit.

Wait a minute.

I don't want to quit.

Very well, then.

You're fired.

Oh, what do you know?

I'm weak again.

Sir, you got a little evil right here, by the way.

Oh, thank you very much.

Kerry, do you know what time of year it is?

Oh, of course, sir.

How could I forget such an important day?

Happy birthday, sir.

No, no, no, no, no.

Now, it's time for the Winford-Lauda employee games.

Oh, yeah.

Yesterday was the day I finally forgot that I lost last year.

So, today, it starts again.

Leaf blower hockey.

Vacuum cleaner races.

I can't wait.

But as you know the employee's best, what kind of

grand prize do you think would inflame their passion?

Wow.

A 40 cubic foot refrigerator with ice maker and juicer.

A refrigerator, eh?

How odd you didn't choose the treadmill.

Hey, do you mind if I keep this picture, you know, to kind of motivate the employees?

She is a beauty, isn't she?

I wouldn't mind having some of that around the house.

You have to win her first, sir.

You're not a double-doors, brushed stainless steel type of man, Kerry.

You're a bag of ice in the top.

You may not be able to fill her with troubles

and caviar, but I can make her happy, damn it.

Go ahead and snitch, you big baby.

Drew, I walk into the bathroom to fix my face.

Shut up.

I wonder if I'd sprawled on a sofa like a walrus, but this.

I had a migraine I needed to lay down.

How come there's no couch in the men's room?

If there was, would you want to lay on it?

What

are you going to do about it?

He was peeking at me.

Oh, believe me, while you were in there, my

eyes were closed so tight they bled, sweetheart.

Don't call me sweetheart.

It's demeaning, you sweaty hunk of monkey toss.

Look, Larry, stay out of the ladies' room, and Mimi, stay out of the ladies' room.

I ain't going nowhere till you put him on report.

Oh, your baby picture before you had hair and glasses.

Just so happens to be the grand prize in this year's Woodford Louder Employee Games.

This refrigerator?

They're giving away this refrigerator?

Well, I was going to retire undefeated, but if they're giving away this puppy,

it would be my pleasure to come back and humiliate you again.

Things are going to be a little different this year, Mimi.

Your old partner's been fired, and I have Nikki on my side.

Like the doctor said the day you were born, it's going to get ugly.

Wait a second, Mimi.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

You're thinking of kicking you in the crotch, too?

No, I could be your partner this year.

I could use one of those fridges, too.

Why should I pick you?

Because I do what it takes, baby.

I'm sleeping with my 80-year-old boss.

I run a crap scam at my mom's nursing home, and I

sold my son's comic book collection for lap dances.

Welcome to Team Bobak.

Wait a second, Mimi.

You can team up with whoever you want, but it's not going to make any difference.

This year, it's my year.

No more nervous nosebleeds.

No more game-day meat lovers' breakfast.

No more starter-gun-induced incontinence.

This year, if I lose, it's because I participated and I did poorly.

You can huff and you can puff, but you still got to pull the other pat -leg on.

You can't scare me, Mimi.

Oh, yeah?

Come Saturday, I'm going to be doing my victory dance.

Okay, you did it.

This is crazy, Nicky.

We're never going to win that fridge.

Honey, I know things are tight.

Why don't you just let me buy you a refrigerator?

What, am I a gigolo?

Drew, you're good, but you're not paid for it good.

Drew, we got a surprise for you.

Wait a second.

If you guys went out there and bought me a

new refrigerator, I'm going to feel so awful.

Oh, and tell us how you feel about this.

Oh, my God, it's Frank and Fridge.

Well, you know, we don't have a lot of money, so we went

to the salvage yard and we got you the best we could.

And we filled it with... Baking soda!

Because it had a really bad smell.

The best I can tell, it's a combination of ham and feet.

You know, I've smelled ham and feet.

That ain't ham and feet.

But it's almost like new.

It's Drew new.

You know, listen, I'm always selling for stuff I can afford.

I'm never going to have a Porsche.

I'm never going to have a Rolex.

That fridge is my one big chance to have something that's top of the line.

Except your fiancé, right, Drew?

Which I was about to say before you jumped in and made me look small.

Listen, I really appreciate what you guys did for me, but, you know, I got to win

that other refrigerator because if a guy's big dream is

to just have a nicer refrigerator, he can't even do that.

Drew, are you crying?

Oh, that smell is killing me.

It's like wet cat and cheese.

Oh, wet cat and cheese.

Get that stinking piece of crap out of here.

And hey, thanks again.

I tell you what we're going to do, Drew.

We're going to make that little dream come true.

We're going to all enter that contest.

And if we win, you're going to get the fridge.

Yeah.

You know, I really appreciate you guys doing such a great thing for me.

And yet, here you are, sitting on your asses, while this refrigerator has

actually drawn flies into my house in the middle of the winter.

Okay, all right.

Suddenly, Mr. Pull My Finger is selective about smells.

I wasn't wrong to turn on that fridge, was I?

No, it was really creepy.

It really smelled bad, and none of its parts matched.

Wow.

Glad I didn't have the nerve to say no when the first time they brought Louis over.

Drew, I'm telling you, it doesn't matter.

We're going to win that refrigerator.

I don't know.

I talked big, but that Mimi... Forget about Mimi.

Picture this.

You've already won, and the Aurora 6000 is right in front of you.

Can you see it, Drew?

I can't see it.

Well, look harder.

It's here.

Can you see it?

Wait.

I do see it.

It's beautiful.

And it's ours.

You can't kill it.

It's got warranties.

It's big and wide.

It's huge inside.

I can take a seat and eat and eat.

And for me, can we win?

Okay, turn to court.

Great.

Now all you're going to do is sign this waiver here.

Uh, initial here for loss of limb.

Here for loss of life.

Oh, you better put down who to call in case of medical emergency.

Hey, why do I have... Yeah, all right.

Drew, I can't wait to check out that fridge.

I hear it can hold three turkeys and it's got a pipe in.

That's right.

And, ma'am, to avoid any injury, you should know

that all the food in the display fridge is fake.

Hey, why do I... Yeah, all right.

Guys, guys, all right.

Here's a trick I picked up in Little League.

Everyone around here is our enemy.

And if we screw up, Daddy won't love us anymore.

Hey, Drew, that fridge is as good as yours.

Pinky signed up a drug code to test a drug that

stimulates the competitive part of your brain.

Yeah, okay.

We've got spirit.

Yes, we do.

We've got spirit.

How about I rip your head off and shove it down your throat?

You go, girl.

Guys, you're cooks Mimi and Larry.

Don't let him psych you out.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

I had to stop by the hospital and see the guy that I beat for the prize last year.

He had a message.

He said, blink blink, that he screamed and took a nap.

It won't work, Mimi.

We're ready for you.

What are you doing here?

You don't even work at the store.

Yes, I do.

At Christmas, our work is an elf.

And for the record, we like to be called little people.

What do you mean?

You've got to leave now because you're going to lose.

I've been popping steroids like peds for the last three days.

Bad liver, shrunken testicles, you betcha.

But small potatoes make the steak look bigger.

I'm

not afraid of you or your shrunken testicles.

I'm talking to you, Mimi.

Hey, I'm such a tough guy.

How come you're wearing knee pads?

I always wear knee pads.

And elbow pads?

In case somebody pushes me down while I'm on my knees.

How come you're wearing a cup?

Because people keep tapping me there.

Hello, everyone.

This is my partner, Tia.

She has the strength of two men and is six times stronger than me.

We met at the gym.

He's giving me $300.

And I get to keep the fridge.

What do you get out of it?

We get to work out together.

Don't make it sound like sex.

We're just going to work out.

That's right.

We're just going to work out.

You think I'm scared of you?

You're the one who should be scared.

Scared of my cold, dead hand grabbing onto your leg as you cross the finish line.

Deal with that.

Our first event is leaf blower hockey.

First couple to score a goal wins.

One of them.

Are you going to take that?

Maybe.

Give me a wuss.

Give me an E.

What's that spell?

Come

on, let's start this race.

Yeah, we got to win that fridge for Drew.

You're going down, Donnie and Marie.

Donnie and Marie are very good-looking and solid entertainers.

I take that as a compliment.

Take that any way you want, because you're going to lose.

You don't want this bad enough.

Look who I've got as a partner.

I've got the devil's babysitter.

Get ready, go!

On Hoover!

On Eureka!

On Horace!

On Pickles!

Hey, doofus twins!

Look over there!

It's a rainbow!

Yeah, I love rainbows.

Hey, don't distract me.

We're slowing down.

We've got bigger problems than that.

Look up ahead.

Oh, my God!

Penny!

Okay,

so we're turning with me this fridge, right?

So I've got to do a step aside, let me score a goal, and hey, dinner's on me tonight.

First, I'm going to beat you.

Then I'm going to humiliate you.

Then I'm going to rub it in.

Hey, Lewis, we've got a problem here, man.

I'm the meanest, angriest, toughest woman named Pinky.

You're ever going to cross paths with... Hey, hey, Lewis, you're stuck on high.

Who's going to beat you?

Pinky!

Say it!

Say it!

Say it!

Thank you, honey.

Drew's our friend.

Remember how we treat our friends?

Uh-huh.

Are you okay?

I think I broke something.

Oh, my God.

Don't move.

Don't move.

Drew, can you hear me?

Yes.

You're out.

You lose.

We're great.

You suck.

Go, po.

Don't cry.

Kiss this.

Get back.

Couple, the winner gets the beautiful Aurora 6000 refrigerator.

Contestants, are you ready?

Unbalance your loads.

I'm unbalanced, Chip.

This washer's ready to creep, Chip.

Go!

Hey, Ichabod, is this the best you've got?

I could beat you in one hand behind my back.

Oh, yeah?

Prove it.

Okay, put the other hand back on.

This is embarrassing.

Come on, Lewis.

Get your spindly, bony body into it.

Do something, Mimi.

I'm running out of clothes!

We're all right.

That's it.

Discovery left the beat.

We got the refrigerator.

The winner is out.

Hold it!

You didn't beat me, Mimi.

Wasn't that why you came here?

To beat me?

No, I came for the other big thing that holds a lot of food.

Come on, what are you, scared?

Hey, everybody!

Mimi's scared.

My guy with a sprained wrist and a crutch.

I ain't scared.

Oh, yeah?

What's that new mascara you're wearing?

What's that color?

I think it's yellow.

All right.

That's it.

You and me.

Winner takes the fridge.

Loser goes home to Drew's life.

That's scary if I told you I didn't eat this crutch.

No.

Give me the crutch back.

All right, Chip, call it.

I

never gave you a raise.

Every teacher said you'd never amount to nothing.

Every blind day to which the bathroomer never came back.

That's a lot of people.

Yes!

Didn't think you could dent a refrigerator.

Didn't think you could dent a refrigerator.

Didn't you sell it to us, Chief Chip?

Yeah, yeah.

Look, here's 50 bucks.

Think you could report it stolen?

Can't steal a refrigerator that's never been here.

Hey, Drew's got a fridge.

Let's tell him before he loses consciousness.

You know, that other refrigerator was kind of vulgar.

This is all I really need.

That has a kind of quiet sophistication.

Yeah.

Too bad those delivery guys deaded it when they were moving it in the door.

Yeah.

Hey, did I really win the consolation prize for bravest little soldier?

That's a story.

Now, how about some TV?

Hey, great.

You know, the Cavs are playing tonight.

It should be a pretty good game.

Yeah.

Cut it.

Timmy!

Man, I hate being into his dreams.

I got a real bad feeling about this one.

Is the gorilla here this time?

Yeah, no.

No, but I saw Christy McNichol back there.

He's still hanging on to that one, huh?

Yeah, I really don't feel good about this one.

Hold the phone.

This dream's starting to look up.

Hey, guys.

Want to play some touch football?

Yeah!