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THE GOLDEN RULES OF SCREENWRITING

1. every movie has 3 acts 2. every movie has a hero

3. every hero has a goal 4. every hero changes in pursuit of his goal

CUDDLING: 5 Euros, OILING: 10 Euros HAPPY ENDING: 25 Euros

THE HERO

DEMOSTHENIS, 33 YEARS OLD FORMER ACTOR, NOW A PUBLIC SERVANT

THE HERO'S FRIEND

NIKITAS, 27 YEARS OLD FORMER ACTOR, NOW A FILM DIRECTOR

This guy has no idea where he's come.

A rebetiko queen... Now I've seen it all!

Typical leftish fag.

She doesn't look it, but she's determined.

What about the right-wing fag?

You can tell from a mile away, but she thinks she's butch.

I can tell after all these years at the Ministry.

When is he expecting your new concept?

This weekend.

What?

Yep, I fucked up.

I told him I had a draft, not to miss the opportunity...

Just ask for some extra time.

Amazing! We've arrived and it's scorching I tell you!

Let me show you around.

So, orgies, this way, blowjobs...

Did you eat, bitch?

Well done, Molly!

Hey!

Doesn't that dog look a bit like Carmen?

Indeed...

What a summer that was...

There's an idea for your movie.

Pitch "The Summer with Carmen" to the French queen.

It crossed my mind...

For real?

Yes, but Jean-Sebastien is not interested in dramas.

It's not a drama.

It's a very optimistic story.

That summer taught me so much.

ACT 1 SET UP

TWO SUMMERS AGO

PANOS: Baby Gorilla, I'll be at my dad's, to declutter. Wanna come by?

If you're in no mood to listen, just say it!

We had agreed to take time, and then meet and talk about it.

Go on...

All this time, I've been trying to figure out what's the issue.

Why aren't we good anymore?

And I keep coming to the same conclusion:

Sex is not the cause of our problem.

It's lack of communication. We don't talk.

Here we go again.

What do you mean here we go again?

Nothing. Go on.

No, I won't go on!

Let's talk about it.

Enough with your talking! As if it makes a difference!

Why wouldn't it?

Talking never solved any problems.

All we do is pretend we've solved them!

Better to say nothing.

At least let's be honest.

We have issues and we can't solve them!

It doesn't work that way. Problems have to be solved.

We are the problems.

What does that mean?

We are our own problems.

We are our own problems.

Yes, we are our own problems.

Yes, but people change!

In movies, maybe...

In real life too. If they didn't change...

So what do you suggest?

Go on like this? No sex? No talking?

Do you want to break up?

Just say it, man.

Demosthenes, I'm never gonna tell you to break up with me.

So?

He didn't expect I would break up with him.

Really long overdue...

It wasn't all bad.

Why did I spend 4 years with him then?

Honestly?

I have no idea... Sorry.

You said from day one: he won't open up, he has issues

and that you alone made all the effort.

And when the sex was over that you were like siblings.

Well, ok...

If you ever have a long-term relationship you'll see for yourself.

Relationships don't last without compromises.

What time is it? The crews are done with their shift.

It's happy hour at the cruising beach.

Until the sun sets, and sale season begins.

So... I had the most fucked-up dream.

I was at the movie theatre.

And I was looking for you,

because I wanted to audition for your next movie.

Don't tell me you're getting back to acting?

Not even...

But, I do miss being creative.

It's been a while...

Ceramics again?

Or writing?

So, if you need help writing the script,

I'm available. With pleasure.

Last time we tried to write together, it didn't go so well.

I remember...

Just putting the idea out there.

Because of the dream.

Jump in! It's perfect!

Molly! Come here.

Molly! Come here, you bitch!

Molly!

Let's take a swim together.

The water is great!

Molly! Come swim with mummy!

- For real? You won't wet your hair? - Yeap.

You're such a dick! I told you it washes off.

You poor artist.

You can't even afford the hairdressers.

Molly! Come join mummy!

Come here you little queerdo!

What are you sniffing?

Ok... Say I pitch "The Summer with Carmen" to Jean-Sebastien,

how would the movie begin?

How would it begin?

The beginning is the most important thing in a script.

Most producers don't get past 10 pages.

If you don't hook them, they'll move on to the next script.

Then it should start with the breakup.

The breakup is too dramatic for an opening.

Jean-Sebastien is looking for something fun, sexy...

very queer, Greek summer. But low budget.

Very low budget.

He said so 500 times.

Fun, sexy, Greek...

Low budget.

Wherever I look, I see failed dates.

You come to feel proud of yourself

and you end up depressed with your love life...

Do you think you'll see Panos?

No way, Panos never comes to the Pride parades.

Look, Tsortsekis!

Do you know him?

We auditioned together for Economides' new film.

I played his son. A junkie...

Should I go talk to him?

It's been a month and they haven't called me yet.

Of course you should. We're all colleagues.

You're right. I'm going.

Really now, girls... Can you picture Nikitas in an Economides film?

Sure, why not?

UNCONDITIONAL

ZACKIE LIVES - FUCK NAZIS

Take care and don't quit!

Thanks...

Now, what about this ball...

- What happened? - They got someone else.

They were looking for something more earthy.

Earthy?

In other words, I'm too gay for the part.

Tell me, honestly. Can't I play straight parts?

Didn't I nail Orestis at school?

Of course. Don't take it personally.

How can I not, Eleni?

That's why I never get hired.

There might be other reasons...

Like? Being a bad actor?

That's not what I mean...

Fucking homophobia.

Why does it matter if I look gay?

Should all straight men look straight?

They always say: He's gay but he doesn't look it.

Aren't there straight that don't look it?

That's all part of the game.

That's why most of us quit after a while...

You were so stupid to quit and you know it!

Meanwhile, if you try, you can totally get away with looking straight.

Fine, I'll go with it. I'll only play gay parts.

But let it be a role that's worth it. That's got an arc.

Like in "Sissies"!

- What sissies? - Their play!

You guys, what an awesome play you wrote...

We all came out crying.

- True, what a laugh... - You mean, what an emotion!

The play had both.

Just like in life.

You know, "Sissies" would make a great film.

100%! You guys need to sit down and write it!

For real!

And, please, bring us to play any spare sissy.

Even if we wrote it, go find a director, go find a producer...

It's not that easy to make a film.

What if we all chip in?

"Sissies" was a breakthrough moment for me.

I think that's when I came to terms with myself.

Yes...

It was a threshold for me too.

Good evening, Athens Pride!

Hey!

Hi, Panos.

How are you guys doing?

Good. You?

Fine.

I took the little one out for a walk and thought I'd drop by.

This is Carmen.

- Is she yours? - Yep.

I was at the book fair, at Zappio, and she followed me home.

I couldn't just leave her.

So you're keeping her?

As I just said...

Dogs are a big responsibility.

I know.

- What about you guys? All good? - All good.

- Should I go talk to him? - Go.

You got this?

- If he can't talk to him, who can? - Go to him.

Are you okay?

Yes.

Are you sure?

Yeah, fine. It's just...

It's obvious he got the dog, to fill the void of the relationship.

Come on, forget about Panos already!

Look around you! All these queens...

That's it!

No more boyfriends.

- Let's hope so... - I mean it!

And something else.

When we go to Kastellorizo,

we'll adapt "Sissies" into a screenplay.

Yeah, right.

Yes, man!

They're right. It will make an amazing film.

Directors will be queuing to get attached.

And there'll be a lead role made just for you.

That would be amazing!

Pride makes a better opening.

It's queer, it's summer.

And it introduces the subplot of our collaboration.

We'll put that in the script too?

Shouldn't we?

Don't know...

It depends.

If you want a lead role in the film...

Demosthenes, I'm no longer an actor.

I'm a director.

Now, if there's a role in my movies that suits me... Ok, I'll play it.

Just like Xavier Dolan.

Well, you ought to play yourself. You're born for the part.

To say the least. I've been studying myself since age three.

Seriously though...

Let me make a feature film, and I don't need a single scene.

It takes ages for directors to make their debut feature.

If it works out with Jean-Sebastien, It'll be like winning the lottery.

It will.

You'll see.

"The Summer with Carmen" is a fucking brilliant idea.

Sorry.

So, we've got the hero...

and now we need to find the action.

What does this hero do?

THE HERO'S GOAL

Sorry, I won't come.

This was all a bit too fast for me.

Okay, no problem.

Next time.

Wanna shower or are you off?

Ehm, I'll be off then.

Now, let's move on to Scorpios.

New month, new moon, new beginnings! Time for change!

Now, most of you have the holidays ahead

and wish to leave everything behind.

But you also face the aspect between Venus and Saturn

an aspect which is a catalyst for evaluating everything

and for deciding what to leave behind

and what to keep.

Now is the time to lay the groundwork for meaningful change

in all areas of your life.

Quick commercial break and we'll be right ba...

Do you want a cracker?

Thanks, I brought a nutrient bar.

GOALS:

1. sex (nsa) 2. gym

3. saving money 4. "sissies"

- Enjoy your holiday. - Enjoy your holiday.

- Enjoy your holiday! - Enjoy your holiday!

- Enjoy your holiday! - Enjoy your holiday!

- Enjoy your holiday! - Enjoy your holiday!

Enjoy your holidays.

I bought notebooks, markers...

50 euros of weed for inspiration.

Rice crackers,

so we won't starve until we get there,

and I found this awesome book,

a step-by-step guide for writing a script.

"MONEMVASIA"

DEMOSTHENES:

Yeah man...

I'm sceptical about the sex scenes, it can easily turn out cheap.

Doesn't Jean-Sebastien want sexiness?

He does, but it shouldn't turn out porn. Speaking of which...

The leftist queen didn't lose any time...

She grappled with working class problems at once!

How shameless, in plain view...

Let the boys express themselves.

Oh, look! They've got company.

Fuck off!

Oh my... How rude!

The man just wanted a pervy peek, it's not like they're being discreet.

Stupid bitch! What a waste of energy.

So...

I saw my dad in my dream too.

He wanted me to take him to the hospital.

Are we putting your dad's drama in the movie as well?

The story doesn't work without it.

I know but...

A homophobic pensioner, is not very queer, fun, sexy...

That's why you need lots of homosexual sex to balance it out.

Thymios. Nice to meet you.

Demosthenes. Nice to meet you too.

I rarely come the first time I have sex with someone.

What an honour.

Shower?

Sure...

Here you go.

Won't you join me?

Go ahead. I'll be right in.

Hello?

Demosthenes, are you there?

Mum? What's wrong?

He's getting x-rayed.

We're lucky it's just half a vertebra cracked.

He'll rest for a while, you'll get a private nurse to help...

You know your father, he detests private nurses.

He only likes to torture me.

Not true. He likes to torture others too.

You're just his favourite.

So, I know a private nurse, Anna, from Georgia.

Forget it honey. We'll be fine, just the two of us.

Rather that, than let a total stranger into our house!

Mum, we changed our tickets for Thursday.

Are you nuts?

You'll go on vacation and leave me alone with him?

That's why we need Anna.

What can I say? Do as you please.

OK. Forget it...

Why am I surprised...

Just forget I said anything!

What's this cast they told us to get?

It's like a corset. Panos' father had to wear one after he fell.

Panos?

My friend.

The unibrow guy?

Him.

Anna looked after his father.

You're obsessed with this Anna.

How was the wedding?

Boring and tacky.

Your father's side of the family...

Don't forget my earplugs. They're in the drawer.

Okay. I will.

- And my tablet. - Okay.

- Bye. - Bye dad...

Hey Panos, is this a bad time?

I'm fine.

ACT I PLOT POINT 1

ACT II

"SCREENPLAY" by Syd Field

So, the call to Panos is probably plot point 1.

Plot point 1?

It's clearly plot point 1.

A critical decision of the hero with irrevocable consequences.

Why was it critical?

I just needed the brace.

Yes, but deep down you wanted to reach out again.

Who, me?

Why would I?

Cause it wasn't over for you.

What are you talking about?

Panos wasn't over it, not me!

Okay.

Maybe.

Not maybe. For sure.

ACT II CONFRONTATION

Sorry I'm late.

It's okay.

How are you?

Fine.

Hello, young lady.

She remembers you.

I'm not that easy to forget.

How's your father?

I'll tell you all about it.

Take a breath.

Then you fold it like this.

You can get up now.

I feel like a robot.

That's the point.

My father will give us hell...

It'll fit him fine, he doesn't have your broad chest.

I'll get a bag.

Awesome accessory.

Careful not to ruin it.

How was Panos?

Really down.

He's not even in the mood for Monemvasia, imagine!

Hey you...

Where's Pluto?

In the garbage.

Madame here broke it.

She was probably jealous.

She keeps destroying things.

I'm afraid of what I'll find, every time I leave her alone!

Other than that?

All good.

Work... The house.

- I like what you've done with it. - Thanks.

Monemvasia?

Nah...

I'm not in the mood this year.

Maybe he just got tired of the place.

No. He associates it with me and he can't go alone.

Make sure he gets out of hospital as soon as possible.

Infections are thriving in there. Remember my dad.

Of course I remember.

So... Thanks again.

No need to thank me. And there's the bed too.

Should you need it...

Would you like an essay on Aristotle's Poetics?

One of my dad's best sellers.

By the way,

I can't make it to Kastellorizo.

What?

No way!

I can't travel with my father and all.

Fuck...

What about the script?

We can start in September.

Now is the time, that you are on leave.

What if I stay in Athens and we work on it?

Why mess up your holidays too?

Big deal... I can go anytime to Kastellorizo.

I'll let my mother know.

But, she'll be so disappointed.

If she misses me, she can jump on a boat and come see me.

Between you and me, Panos has a long way to go before getting over me.

For your information...

Panos is back on the market.

What do you mean?

Kostakis saw him at Zappio gardens.

At the book fair?

Book fair or not, there were no book stands behind the bushes.

Panos? Cruising?

Not in a million years!

Panos is a total hypochondriac. He only fucks in his bed.

Maybe he decided to experiment. People change.

Not according to Panos.

OK... Perhaps Kostakis was mistaken.

Kostakis is a cheap gossip and big slut!

How can you take him seriously?

OK, sorry.

When did he tell you?

A week ago or so.

And you said nothing?

I thought it might upset you.

You thought wrong.

You ought to tell me stuff like that.

I'm no baby that needs protection.

And, in case you missed it,

I'm the one who broke up with Panos, not the other way round.

Honestly, you'd be doing me a favour.

I'll have more space.

I hope it fits in my parents' room.

Hey...

Good, you? Where are you?

Hey you.

In an hour, right?

Now, tell me, is dad having cock?

I guess not.

Maria, are you coming or not?

Maria, are you crazy?

Where am I going to leave her now?

I can't take her along! That's great! Fuck it!

This is so typical!

Get down! What have I told you?! Go to your bed!

What's the fuss about?

It's my fucking sister.

We agreed she'd babysit Carmen, she then went for ouzo by the sea

and now she's too drunk to drive back.

Same old Maria...

Fuck me! I'm meeting some regional members of the party

and I didn't want to leave her alone all day long.

She'll wreck the place again!

- Don't you have anyone else to take her? - Like whom?

The nerve on him! There was no one else to babysit his dog?

You know Panos...

Not many friends, no boyfriend obviously...

His alcoholic sister hanged him out to dry.

So he unloaded his dog on his ex.

- He didn't unload her on me. I volunteered. - How come?

Well, he gave us the brace, he'll give us the bed too.

Big deal! It's only till the evening.

She's a good dog.

Ain't you, Carmen? You're good, right?

She looks a bit like me, no? Hairy, charming...

A coincidence?

So, we won't be working today?

Today isn't ideal.

Let's pick it up tomorrow.

Hello, neighbour.

- Hello to you too. - Hi.

This is Nikitas, this is Themis.

Thymios.

- Thymios, sorry. - Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Didn't know you had a dog. A boy?

A girl.

Carmen.

Hello, Carmen.

This is Rocky.

How old is she?

Ehm... She's young.

Rocky's three.

- How long have you had him? - Since he was born. You?

Me too.

But I really love her.

How can you not?

Someone is horny.

Though Carmen seems disinterested...

Carmen, what have I taught you?

That's "huggles"?

I was expecting more of a wuss.

He's a bit boring.

But, damn, he was laid back in sex.

Unlike Panos...

who rushed to shower as soon as he came.

Cover your ears.

Are you afraid she'll tell on you?

You're right.

She might as well do so.

No, I insist she tells him.

Go ahead, tell him everything Carmen.

He might finally realize what a catch he let go.

To be honest,

from a scriptwriting point of view,

all this fuss with the brace and the bed

seems like an excuse for you two to get close again.

Why would I want to get close with Panos again?

I'm the one who broke it off.

That doesn't mean you wanted it more than him.

But he said he could never break it off.

Exactly my point.

You got him off the jam.

Whatever.

Panos got a dog right after breaking up, not me.

- You're hilarious! - No you are!

So, you say it didn't hurt ending the relationship?

Of course it did.

But life goes on.

And breaking up doesn't mean we have to be strangers.

I rest my case.

Mind you!

Don't turn me into a sad little sissy who can't get over a breakup.

Personally, I have nothing against sad little sissies.

Good for you.

I just don't think that's what Jean-Sebastien is looking for.

Sorry I'm late.

No worries.

How was dinner?

Great.

Did you have fun?

The best of times. We strolled, made new friends...

She's the sweetest little dog.

A dog? Better say monster!

Don't say such things. You'll traumatize her.

You don't know her well.

Anyway.

Thanks so much. You saved me.

Big deal.

If you ever need help again, let me know.

Okay.

I mean it. I had a great time with Carmen.

I should get going.

Bye bye, sweet Carmen!

Bye bye, Uncle Demosthenes.

Uncle? Really?

Well, what are you then?

I don't know. You tell us.

Have a nice evening then.

Sissy.

A noun for the masculine gender.

A noun for the feminine gender.

A noun for the brave gender.

Plural.

Sissies.

- Sissies. - Sissies!

Sissies!

Sissies!

Sissies!

Damn, it's so touching.

"SISSIES"

Okay, it flagged in the first part.

There were issues with the second part, too.

The title is powerful, though.

"Sissies".

Like "The Maids", "The Suppliants", "The Trojan Women"...

Wouldn't we need something more edgy for the cinema?

Fairies?

Come on, that's funny.

It's not really hooting.

That's the word my dad uses.

Mine prefers "pufters".

What about "Faggots"?

Too harsh.

Perhaps "Pansies"?

It's a bit Iranian cinema.

(PANOS: The bed is on its way... ;)

I've packed some cheese pie, too.

We've turned the living room into a clinic.

Inside the chancel?

Inside the chancel.

Shameless Father-Lambros...

To the bone.

Whenever a frigate stationed at the island,

he'd spend the day at the port watching sailors.

- Were they together long with Nikitas? - A year or so.

And the most amazing is the epilogue.

I'm all ears.

So, the two broke up when Nikitas moved to Athens.

One day, Nikitas meets this guy, at a bus stop,

and they end up making out.

And then they start chatting and Nikitas says he is from Kastellorizo

and the guy says he had a boyfriend from there.

"Who?" asks Nikitas.

"Your priest" says the guy.

- You're kidding! - Not at all.

Shameless Mother-Lambros...

- Ungodly girl! - Totally.

- Want another gin? - Yeap.

Panos, your phone!

ZISIS SOUTH

Carmen!

Get out of there!

Come out now!

Get out of there, you bitch!

What happened?

Get out of there, you bitch!

You're dead!

Come here!

Get out of there!

Give her to me!

Didn't I take you for a two-hour walk today?

- Do you blame me for giving you away? - You're what?

That's right.

She's pooped all over the house.

She destroyed my dad's favourite scarf.

No more! I'll take her to a shelter and we'll both be happy!

How irresponsible can you be?

Don't waste your breath. I've made up my mind.

In two days, she's out of here.

Why did you haul this stray along?

All we need is a dog disease. As if we don't have enough already...

- Panos has her fully-vaccinated. - Who?

Panos who gave us the bed.

- Oh, Panos... - That one.

And why did he unload her on you?

It was my decision.

She's such a kind creature... And the traumas she's carrying...

Careful with the petting.

Dogs are like children.

Too much love spoils them.

While too little fixes them?

It sure won't spoil them.

For Christ's sake!

He is constipated again.

He's been in the bathroom for two hours.

When are you giving her back?

Tomorrow evening probably.

Don't tell me you're thinking of keeping her.

I've always wanted a dog.

Yeah, right... As if you ever knew what you wanted.

One day it was a dog, then a cat, then a mouse...

A hamster.

It was guitar this year, volleyball next year,

judo the year after...

You'd get enthusiastic with everything and then...

- Is that a bad thing? - Of course it is.

Since it leads you to the wrong decisions.

Have some pity for the dog. You hardly can take care of yourself!

Mom! I've lived on my own since I turned 25.

And God knows if you know how to boil an egg.

We're off.

What can I say? Do as you please.

Have mercy!

What if plot point I was when you took Carmen home for the first time?

This was just for two days.

Remember the epic line you told me?

"Panos treats Carmen just as he treated me."

No way I said such thing.

You did identify with her.

You were like #me_too.

I never identified with her.

Carmen was like a child to me.

But then, don't you treat yourself like a child too?

That makes no sense, you pothead...

Yes, you jerk.

My shrink explained it to me.

We all carry our five-year-old self within us.

That's the foundation of our self-image.

So, perhaps you see yourself as a little girl that needs protection.

I think you're talking about yourself.

Or perhaps we feel the same and that's why we're best girlfriends.

Anyhow, in the script, the reason you took her that night must be clear.

Why? Is it always clear in life why we do the things we do?

No.

But in movies, it has to be.

It's the character's drive.

I might have had a million reasons for taking her.

To scold Panos.

To comfort her for being dumped.

To meet Thymios again.

Everything goes.

We are not getting any closer...

Girl, how many times do you have to pee?

Oh, it's number two.

And Panos said you never shit outside.

The hardships you've endured, poor girl.

This stays between us.

Turn around.

What is it?

Don't you like it?

I like it a lot.

So, cool down. We're not aiming for an Oscar.

The little one was peeping.

No worries. She's seen a lot...

I can imagine...

No, not here.

I mean in Zappio park. That's where she used to hang out...

Was she a stray?

Yes.

I mean... Yes.

People are assholes.

Was she wearing a leash?

I don't know.

The truth is Carmen is my ex's.

He's the one that found her.

And she's yours now?

For two days.

Until he gives her away.

So, you lied the other day, saying she's yours?

I didn't want to bring up my ex.

What you're doing is worse for the dog.

Why?

Because she is attached and now you'll abandon her too.

There's no avoiding the abandonment syndrome.

Look at those puppy eyes.

She just wants food.

No. She knows she's going on a "trip" tomorrow.

How can you tell? Is she preparing her suitcase?

She's been like this since this morning.

Following me wherever I go.

If I leave her alone for a second, she starts whining.

She's been abandoned once in the park.

Panos was the second time and I will be the final blow!

She's bound to suffer an identity crisis.

Thymios explained it all to me.

You met with "huggles" again?

He came for a morning fuck.

He's good for a fuck buddy.

I told you, no relationships for a year.

Okay, we're writing a script.

Why are we writing this script?

So I can play a role to showcase my talent.

And what role could that be? Whom could I play?

I don't have an answer either.

But...

all this unlocked something within me

and I started writing down some memories from Kastellorizo.

- Can I read it to you? - Of course.

"I was born on Christmas day, 1994,

in the health centre of Kastellorizo.

A small, remote island, at the edge of Greece.

An island that never fitted the country's geographical map.

A spare island.

Much like how I felt

as a member of our small oppressing society.

Spare.

Surplus.

Superfluous.

My father was a chief petty officer in a tanker.

He would be gone to sea for months.

But even when he made landfall, he was still absent as if on a voyage.

Awkward.

Absent.

Aloof.

He didn't know how to be around me.

Because since I was a kid, it was obvious I was different.

It was obvious I was...

"a sissy."

Shall I go on?

"My mum was a professional mother."

I was her fifth son, way younger than the others.

All the islanders thought of her as a fair and right mother,

who loved all her children equally,

who didn't play favourites

the oldest, the youngest.

However, I always had the feeling

that she was prouder of my brothers.

As if my diversity was proof

of a personal failure that to her was intolerable...

Insufferable...

Ineffable...

Finishing high school, I decided to become an actor.

I remember that summer, the most unbearable of all summers.

Wherever my mother went,

she would tell the world how much she hurt I was leaving her.

But when the time came to say goodbye,

"the sadness in her eyes could barely hide her deep relief."

Are you serious?

Yes, I am.

I'm keeping Carmen.

I beg your pardon! Is Carmen yours to keep?

Do I have no say in this?

Ok, then...

Take her to the shelter and I'll get her from there.

Boy, why are you doing this now?

I'm doing it for Carmen's sake.

Seriously, Demosthenes?

I've seen enough of your self-sacrifices four years now! Quit being manipulative!

Quit being an asshole then!

What if this is plot point 1?

I'm not sure!

I'm so baffled!

If this is plot point 1, it'll be a three-hour film.

All I know is this decision was important.

It calls for a dramatic pause.

With Maria Callas in the background...

Like that scene in "A Woman's Way"?

Forget Maria Callas.

We can't afford the rights.

Jean-Sebastien wants it low budget.

What if the cast sings?

Dude, can you see this as a musical?

Super gay?

Love musicals, but they cost a fortune.

- Jean-Sebastien... - There we go again!

Hey! I don't wanna turn forty before my first feature!

It's not like you're running out of time.

Wrong! Xavier Dolan had four films by my age!

Okay, I rest my case.

Keep it low-budget.

No music, no decors, no actors...

Cut it all out.

Listen.

Here's the low budget film decalogue.

No more than five spaces.

No more than five actors.

No more than 100 pages.

No kids.

No animals.

Fuck me!

Why no animals?

Because they mess up the shooting.

Man, what the fuck am I going to send to Jean-Sebastien?

Chill, wait, don't rush. There must be a solution.

What's the solution? A stuffed dog as Carmen?

I ain't doing Greek Weird Wave!

Put some on my back.

What's important is to have a good script, right?

If it's good, Jean-Sebastien should move his ass and find the money to shoot it.

Isn't that his job?

- It is. - There you go.

I have to persuade him that the dog is a selling point.

And I'll shorten her role however I can.

This will be your little home.

Your water and your food plate.

All right, Carmen?

We'll have the best of times.

Where did you hide, girl?

My adolescence in Kastellorizo makes a great movie.

Like, the only gay on the island.

The only out gay you mean. Shut up you.

And I can play my teenage self. I haven't changed much.

Whine as much as you want, I ain't giving you anything.

You were saying?

And we can also add politics in the background.

The Greek-Turkish disputes, the crisis...

How is that relevant?

Don't you see?

It's the Greek version of Billy Elliot!

A country boy chasing his dream to become an artist

amidst a country falling apart!

First you eat your own food

and if you're a good girl, you might get a little snack.

You spoiled brat!

You can threaten all you want!

- Sorry, what were you talking about? - Politics.

When Papandreou came to Kastellorizo to announce the memorandum,

there was this TV crew

with this incredibly hot cameraman...

I had a huge crush on him.

Picture this as the opening scene.

Let me suggest something then.

Since you're so hot about all this,

write down the most defining events of your adolescence.

Then we set it into scenes and take it from there.

Okay.

- Aren't you eating? - I've lost my appetite.

This is the first and last time.

I mean it.

Behave!

I'm gonna teach you some manners!

You liked that, didn't you?

I want us to discuss our problems.

All right?

I'm no Panos.

What is it, you poor thing? Are you hungry?

Don't give her anything!

She's hungry! Why didn't you feed her?

I did feed her!

Look at her!

Carmen! Sit!

Sush! You'll wake your father up!

- Get lost! - Mum!

She has to learn to eat only what I give her.

Okay, son, do as you please.

Go check on him please.

Dad?

Dad?

Dad?

What now?

Sweetie! Eh, sweetie? Tell me. Tell me what you want!

What do you want?

Who's the sweet girl that has lain down on me?

My dear baby!

My precious baby!

Look at her! Look at her! Full of love and flowers!

Kate? What's with the laughter?

As if I brought her a grandchild.

Why not call her Kate instead of Carmen?

Carmen? What do you think?

Do you want granny's name?

Kate?

Katie?

Nah, she's not reacting.

There's only one Kate.

Middleton?

That one.

Anyway, talk to you tomorrow?

Yes.

Have a good night.

Goodnight.

My first blow job will be orange.

Why yes! Wasn't that an important event?

It's not like it was a plot point.

So...

Act 1 ends with my coming out to my mother.

Act 2 ends with my decision to become an actor.

And for the finale...

- Are you paying attention? - I am.

So, the film ends with my first day at drama school.

New beginning.

First gay friend.

Not just a friend.

You were lucky to meet someone who had figured out all his issues.

When I was your age, I was completely alone.

I had no support at all.

It's Panos.

What does he want?

Fuck him. I'm not answering.

Hi, Panos.

Okay...

What's up?

All good. And you two?

How are you doing?

Just fine.

I'm glad to hear that.

Well...

Here they are.

I also found this sweater of yours.

And...

Thanks.

Sorry about the other day.

Hi, Panos.

Hi, Nikitas.

So, you haven't changed your mind.

About what?

About Carmen.

Of course not.

Okay...

Cause I'm going away for a couple of days.

Going to Monemvasia?

No, to Andros.

Have fun.

Thanks.

What an asshole!

Four years with me, it was only Monemvasia. With the new guy, straight to Andros!

He didn't say he was going with the boyfriend.

Who else then?

His alcoholic sister?

Give me a break.

I'm stuck in Athens with his dog, he goes romancing with his new flame?

It's not Panos' dog. It's your dog.

OK, yes! Sure!

So, are we working or not?

Nah. Not today. We are not in the proper mood...

Nikitas starts to pick up his things. Suddenly, he turns to face Demosthenes.

And... I'll go to Kastellorizo for a few days. We need a break here.

As you wish. I'll go to Eretria then for a couple of days.

That's not how things happened.

First you decided to go to Eretria and then I to Kastellorizo.

- What are you babbling about? - Yep. I remember pretty clear.

We were over there.

We had come for a swim and

you said you were exhausted and needed a break from everything.

Yes, and I suggested we go to Eretria together.

No, you said you were going to Eretria, period.

Anyway, is it that important?

No.

What's done is done.

Exactly.

What's important is I went to Eretria with Carmen

and we were the talk of the town!

Dude, especially at the litany of the 15th of August,

more people followed us than the icon.

This can't be in the script. It's too expensive to shoot.

Why so negative now?

I'm not negative.

I'm just giving you the facts.

I do know more about shooting.

You don't have to show the entire fair. Just the litany.

I don't know. I think... Eretria is not an option in general.

Filming out of base costs. It has to be within Attica.

And go where? To Loutsa? By bus?

If we're gonna be miserable, let's drop the whole scene.

If Jean-Sebastien covers shooting out of base, we'll go to Kastellorizo.

To get some nice footage, at least.

DELETED SCENE ♪1

EXT. ERETRIA SEAFRONT - DAY

DELETED SCENE ♪2

EXT. ERETRIA/LITANY - NIGHT

KASTELLORIZO OUT OF BASE

Hey borderline girl.

Hey. What's up?

Just arrived from Eretria. We were a total hit with Carmen!

- Were you after guys all day long? - Nah... The menu was restricted to leftovers.

- And you? - The usual dry spell.

Except for the new priest.

What's the deal? Is Kastellorizo an exile for gay priests?

I thought they sent them all to Mount Athos.

Any tourists?

I'm in no mood for guys.

What's wrong?

What do you think?

All the assholes here are telling me "we haven't seen you in anything."

I really want to make this film so they all shut up finally.

And you? Did you think of the script in Eretria?

I wasn't focused...

But now I'll get on to it.

I'm alone anyway.

And there's not much on offer in August.

Demosthenes...

Can you stop thinking only about men?

What's got into you now?

Do you have any gripes against me?

No, I don't. No, yes, I do.

You drag me into something so important for my career

and then you can't get your mind off dicks!

Are you serious now?

I'm dealing with my father? My mother?

Panos, the asshole!

How can I focus on writing?

- If it's such a drag for you, fuck it. - It's not a drag.

But try being in my shoes for a moment.

You rave about finishing the script as if the film will premiere at Cannes.

Okay.

Let me rave about the film

and take your time to rave about boyfriends.

Spare you from nagging!

Ok, whatever...

Demosthenes...

Maybe writing together isn't such a good idea after all.

Okay... If you say so.

So, what? We're calling it quits?

If that's what you want.

Splendid. See you then.

The bitch hung up on me!

Well done, love! Well done, my little star!

My little dear! My love! My little doll!

Mum!

Come here!

Mum!

What a creature!

These are broken.

Kate!

I'm coming, Vasilis!

See how your father is juiced up? This dog is working miracles.

I see that.

I've never heard you say "well done" so many times.

Well done!

What? I'm right.

I must have heard "well done" three times in my whole life.

What's this about?

Is it true or not?

What's your gripe? The sacrifices we've made to raise you.

What sacrifices, mum?

In a manner of speaking.

For Heaven's sake! You don't choose your family.

You're right about that. We've all been unlucky in this.

What's got into you today?

Isn't it true?

Are you glad I'm your son or embarrassed?

Name one mother who's never felt embarrassed for her child!

Over here. Look at me!

Kate!

Kate!

Wait a minute, Vasilis.

You're killing me!

Hi, Mum. What happened?

My boy...

He's gone...

Your father's gone.

I'll be right there, mum.

PLOT POINT 2

Again we pray for the repose of the soul of the departed servant of God Vassilios.

ACT II RESOLUTION

and for the forgiveness of all his sins, both voluntary and involuntary.

May the Lord God grant his soul rest.

For the mercies of God, the kingdom of heaven.

- Who's the young man? - A friend of Demosthenes.

Let us pray to the Lord.

Among the spirits of the righteous perfected in faith,

give rest, O Saviour, to the soul of Your servant,

keeping them in the blessed life which is from You, O loving One.

In Your place of rest, O Lord, where all Your Saints repose.

Give rest also to the soul of Your servant, for You alone are immortal.

I made it on time.

Thank you for coming.

And, girls, to cut a long story short,

the plenary session is over, we go outside to the peristyle

and Rigillis is on fire. They grabbed each other's hair.

- No way! - Really!

Then it was revealed they were neighbours in Mykonos.

And our girl had built another floor.

And she blocked her view!

Crazy right?

The money wasn't the issue.

That night they were on the same TV show.

And when they went live,

she spilled her coffee on Zeta "by mistake".

- "By mistake" but on purpose! - That's right.

They cut to commercials and the set turned into a ring.

Wow...

Chaos ensued.

Why don't you join us?

I stink like a racoon.

I think I'd better go get a shower.

You know what?

Go to my place, to keep Carmen some company too.

She's been on her own all day. I'll join you later.

Okay.

Everything's ice cold! Come get your food and drinks!

I was thinking of Father-Lambros.

Such things happen only in movies, right?

Not even in movies.

No one will buy it.

We have to put Father-Lambros in the script!

It's divine Retribution par excellence!

My father damned gays his whole life, and was led to eternal life by a fairy.

Exactly! It seems fake.

But that's what actually happened.

Yes but, reality is not always realistic!

Listen, Demosthenes.

I'm not sure I'm into the idea, after all.

Why not?

Why...? What's the point of a story about two queens

dragging a dog back and forth, just cause they can't break up?

That's the story according to you?

Isn't it?

Dicks. Dicks. Dicks.

And as the ancients said:

"Know thyself... Not a wise man's doing."

Whenever you want company...

any time,

just call me.

OK, baby gorilla?

Following a warm welcome from the local residents

the prime minister had lunch with the local officials...

I borrowed a t-shirt.

Sure.

I made you a toast.

Want some coffee?

I have to go.

Wanna hang out tonight?

Okay...

Sorry.

Good morning.

The night of the funeral was a huge blow for me.

It was then I realized that no matter how much I care for you,

guys will always be your top priority.

I believe I've changed.

That's what you think.

You mean to change,

and you fool yourself and the world around that you've changed but...

- I fool myself? - Yep.

You play yourself pretty convincingly.

But...

I can't keep falling for it.

Cause, in the end, I get hurt.

When have I hurt you?

Seriously, Demosthenes, why do you think I wanted us to write together?

Just so I could act in a movie?

For me it was also a chance to hang out together a little more.

At drama school we were together 24/7.

And then you hooked up with Panos and disappeared.

At first, I thought it was just a phase.

But it lasted four years.

And now with Thymios, same story. So, I better accept the facts.

We all come second best compared to boyfriends.

Friends, writing, Carmen too...

Carmen too?

Yes, Carmen too.

Was there a chance you'd keep her?

OK, I hadn't realized how huge a responsibility that was.

My maternal instinct interfered.

Demosthenes...

If you really wanted her, you would have kept her.

But deep inside you didn't want her.

Because what you really needed was a new boyfriend.

That's not true.

I spent five months on my own.

With Thymios it turned official in October.

Congrats! Huge break!

Excuse me, am I to blame for meeting nice guys?

What am I supposed to do?

Let them go just so I can prove to myself I can survive being single?

I know I can.

You really believe that?

Isn't it true?

What am I?

A sad little sissy who can't stand being on her own?

Who's thirsty for love?

Is that what you mean by sad little sissy?

If that's the case, then we're all sad little sissies.

THE HERO CHANGES

Daddy is starting work today.

You stay here and be quiet.

There's water and there's food.

You've got your toys.

Okay?

See you later!

Behave. All right?

No, sweetheart. We're not going for a walk.

I've been clear on this. You have to learn to be alone.

You can do it! Okay?

I'll be back. All right?

Carmen, please...

Don't do this. We talked about this.

Carmen, stop!

What's wrong, sweetheart?

You thought I would abandon you?

Now let's move on to Scorpio.

It's definitely not a laid-back summer for you.

Much of what has been happening to you in recent weeks,

will affect you in the long run.

That's the nature of change, which is not your strong point.

Luckily, the planets are on your side.

And if you're honest with yourself,

you'll realize that the change has occurred already.

You simply need to embrace it and present your new self to the world.

It's not as scary as it sounds.

And besides, you Scorpios know better than anyone

that self-knowledge is nothing but a convenient self-deception.

We even went to the hairdressers.

I bought her a carrier.

I taught her how to sit.

Carmen?

Demi plie.

Voila!

Congratulations!

Tonight we'll share the bed, sweetie.

Did you hear that, doll face?

PANOS: What's up, boy? How about going to a movie tonight?

How come Panos didn't want such a darling dog?

I hope he doesn't change his mind and come back for her.

I don't think so.

Panos...

What?

He seems like a nice guy.

He is.

Is Panos...

What?

Are you together?

One, two...

Testing. One, two.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

and now the moment we've all been waiting for.

Get ready for our girls.

Love dog!

So what do you think you've gained from Carmen's summer?

The hero is supposed to mature, get over his fears...

It's rule number one.

What did life teach the hero?

It taught him that sometimes decisions can be painful.

It taught him to set... the right priorities.

You're stuck on the idea that I haven't changed.

We're talking about the hero, not you.

And with heroes, how do you verify change?

You see the hero change at the end.

How do you know he won't make the same mistakes later on?

See?

Movies do the same thing.

They convince you that people change, though you can't be 100% sure.

Mosquitos time...

And you know what?

Isn't that something?

What is?

To believe that you've changed.

At least you've spotted the problem and want to correct it.

And when I say let's write the script together, I mean it.

Or... Anyway...

Fuck the script.

As long as we are good...

Hey, boys!

Want some company?

We're good, thank you...

Okay, good night.

Oh! I left some dye on you.

Fuck Jean-Sebastien.

We'll go straight to Hollywood.

- You think? - Of course!

It's a blockbuster. Mark my words.

So pray tell, who's going to play us?

For you, Timothée Chalamet for sure!

I dig that.

What about me?

You're a tough part.

You're a dozen different characters.

You're a model employee, with your mother you're a kid,

with boyfriends you're the first lady,

and with me you're a mentor...

In other words, I'm a once-in-a-lifetime part.

Whoever plays me is headed for an Oscar.

Or a Golden Raspberry.

Honestly, if we include all your personas it won't be realistic.

You don't make a very plausible character.

It's one thing who I really am, and another which roles I play in life.

Personally, I think we are what we pretend we are.

Ever since you started psychotherapy, you talk in Freud quotes.

Chill a little!

I've got it!

Chris Hemsworth will play you.

Thor? Awesome!

- I don't think he's played a queer before. - High time he won an Oscar...

How about Garfield for Panos? He's got intense eyebrows too.

And that's where any resemblance ends.

Come on! Plus, he can pass as bisexual.

You still think Panos is bisexual?

Let me tell you something. That's very narrow minded.

Not all bisexuals are closeted gays!

Bisexuals are real.

We should put that in the movie too.

- How many messages can one film convey? - Many.

THE FILM'S MESSAGES IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE

1. There are straight people who don't look it 2. Every mother has felt embarrassed for her child

3. Reality is not always realistic 4. We are all sad little sissies

5. Self-knowledge is a convenient self-deception 6. Bisexuals are real

Still here, honey?

Much like you, dear...

Are you up for a drink?

Let's go!

I need to pee.

I'll join you.

THE SUMMER WITH CARMEN

Hey...

Should we make it a movie within a movie?

Meaning?

Have the two of us recalling Carmen's summer

and thinking about turning it into a movie.

Not bad...

I dig it.

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