Original subtitles

What a shit-hole town!

But you could probably get the whole dang town

for pennies on the dollar.

You know, your father would say cut your losses.

Eh.

He'd also say fortune favors the bold.

Well, why don't we go in and get some libations?

Yeah. Cheer up.

Mm-hm-hm.

Now, what's your poison, gentlemen?

Diablo serves a mean drink here.

Ooh, what the hell and tarnation is this?

Hmm?

You expect me to to drink in the company of that savage?

What kind of establishment is this?

Hey, this ain't Texas.

Simmer down.

The Injun has to go.

He don't have a reservation!

You heard me, right?

Don't do it.

You heard me.

Chief Little-Turd!

Best to just skedaddle on outta here

before we skin your hide.

Oh, you people!

Take our land, pretend that everything is yours.

Oh! You're cursed.

- You kill everything you touch. - Ooh-ooh!

The Creator gave us dark skin to protect us.

He made you pale and weak

so you burn.

Hmm.

Enjoy.

You know, he does have a good point!

Why don't you fellas just buy

this man a fresh drink and apologize?

What th--?

What kind of vermin are they serving here?

Why don't you take your aboriginal ass

right on back to Africa?

And you crawl back to the caves of Europe?

But since that shit ain't gonna happen,

least we can do is be respectful and apologize.

Shit fire! You're alive!

We didn't mean no harm. We're just playing around.

Well, then let's keep it fun.

What's your story, mister?

Well, now, that's a good question.

You see rich is temporary, but dumb is forever.

I ain't getting shot at over your ignorance any damn more.

We good?

No, we ain't good.

Huh.

We good now?

Oh yeah, we good now.

Chickenshit coward!

And you! Why don't you get on your knees

and beg forgiveness from our native host?

Hmm?

Ah, yeah?

Good G-- Do what he says!

I'll show him!

Grr! Hahaha!

I'm sorry.

For what?

Stealing your land

and killing the buffalo-- for the railway!

Happy?

Apology accepted?

All right, now you got right with him now.

Now you gotta get right with me.

You gotta pay S.T.

S.T.?

Sass tax.

Any obnoxious wrongdoers get sassy with me,

oh, you gots to pay a sass tax.

You got head lice?

What?

Cuz, mister, you's a mighty fashionable dandy.

Matter of fact, I do appreciate your overall panache.

Why don't you take off that hat?

I don't wanna put a hole in it.

Hey, dead man, you better leave

that little flintlock pistol alone

'cause you ain't wearing shit that I like.

You really put me in a pickle!

I came in here just to wet my whistle.

I ain't killed nobody in a month of Sundays.

And then you obnoxious down-keepers roll in here

and ruin my buzz

Mister, I don't really know these Southern fellas.

A-and, to tell you the truth,

I-I got nothing against darkies.

You know, two of my best friends are darkies.

I can't tell one from another.

Tell you what you're gonna do. We're gonna flip on it.

Got a nice wooden nickel here.

If it comes up with the red man on it, he decides,

comes up with tails, I decide.

Your fate ironically is now

in the red man's hands.

You can take the whole bottle,

but it ain't gonna help.

I know. I tried.

When I saw you, I thought I'd seen a ghost.

And I said to myself, Catfish, you know,

maybe he's a changed man.

I'm gonna need me a horse.

Ain't none,

but the stage coach leaves in 40 minutes.

Pinkerton's got the tickets in his left pocket.

Little something for your troubles.

There's only one reason you'd let me

and the other fella live,

'cause you don't mind if Angel knows you're back.

And the only reason you'll be back is

that the rumors about the gold is true.

You gonna put on that waistcoat smelling like a goat?

Don't make me change my mind.

Caliente!

Gracias.

Muchos gracias.

Damn!

Wait!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Eight.

Eight what?

Toes.

That's all you gonna have left.

Oh no, I was just trying to get your attention is all.

Well, you got it!

Listen!

Please, I has a ticket!

But you're late.

You forfeited your seat.

Mary's stagecoach, Mary's rules.

My pardon, ma'am,

but I really need to get on that stagecoach.

I got two tickets, so technically I done paid twice.

Well, I got a coach full of paying and prompt customers.

Well, you can come on up here and sit with me.

As long as you're willing to put your firearm

in the lockbox.

So I'm guessing you're Mary.

Stagecoach Mary.

Dodgetown's about six miles up.

Your guns loaded?

- No, no you can't! - I'm gonna get you!

-No, I'm quick like a fox! -Gonna!

No, no, you can't get me!

-No, you can't get me! -No, yes I can!

-You can't! I'm quick. -Hey!

You're dead, Injun!

No, you missed me.

-You missed my head. -Bang! You're dead!

I can still see you breathing.

Why is it that the Injuns is always dying?

Because it's my birthday!

Bang!

Margarite!

You need to practice your birthday recital one more time

before your Uncle Ruru can take you home.

Him? He's dead.

Oh ho!

Look who it is.

Lookie here.

Oh!

Looks like Margarite shot Uncle Ruru again, huh?

Sure did.

I guess we'll split his share of the cake.

Yeah, that's right.

No, no.

I want some cake too.

Look!

Get inside.

Go.

Come on. Go. Go.

Sergeant Decker?

No, I'm just a civilian now.

Can we talk inside, sir?

Please?

We have come a long way to find you.

Oh.

Well, birthday wishes.

Huh?

This stew smells good.

Well...

Oh my.

Are you classically trained?

Mister, please, state your business.

People call me Angel.

May we sit?

How about a little history?

Part way through the Civil War,

some of The South realized they were gonna lose.

Regardless of your personal outlook on slavery,

you must concede it was admirably profitable, hmm?

250 years of free African labor

helped make America very rich.

But these Southerners knew

that losing the war meant losing their wealth.

Slaves freed, currency worthless.

So they began hoarding gold and melting it down into bars.

And just before the war ended,

they sent a big shipment of it out West

and they hid it, safe and sound.

Now, some years later,

I was sent on a mission to retrieve it

with your father serving under my command

as Chief Master Sergeant.

Well, we had words and he disobeyed me,

and I disciplined him.

And in return, he cut off this hand,

leaving me with this ball of brass.

And then your father disappeared,

and miraculously so did my gold.

That's some story, mister.

Look, I don't even know if my father's alive or dead.

Okay, we weren't exactly on the best of terms.

Well, family!

Boys!

Get up, boy.

Get off of me!

Willis, please.

Sit down, boy!

And Thomas.

Mmm. Move.

We got two!

Come on, let's go.

Well, greetings.

May I?

Ma'am?

Oh, so soft.

So these beautiful instruments are yours?

The harp is a loan from her mother.

The violin is a gift.

Well, that's not just some fiddle.

Unless I'm mistaken, that's a Heberlein.

And that harp is a Lyon & Healy.

Are you worthy of that?

Let's see!

Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"?

Please!

- Move! - Thank you.

Let me be clear,

you drop one note, hesitate, or stop,

and one of you dies.

Sh-Shoot me, mister!

I'm sp-spectacular at dying!

No. No!

Please, he doesn't understand!

These people ain't got nothing to do with this.

Do you know why they call me Angel?

Because I make angels wherever I go.

Bravo! Bravo!

And I assume she made the stew as well?

You're a very fortunate man.

Now you fly away, little birdie.

Your daddy was spotted in a border town near Mexico, huh?

He's putting together a team to go after my gold.

You find him and join up.

You keep us informed.

You got one week.

We'll be watching,

and staying just close enough.

You find your daddy and my gold

and you'll get your wife back.

- No, no, no! - No!

Grab the Heberlein.

- No, no, no. - No!

Malindy!

The violin, you hayseed!

It's worth more than your house.

You grab her spices and you learn to cook like that!

I'll do it! Don't take her.

I'll do it!

Angel!

Malindy!

Come back!

No!

Say it.

Yea, "though I walk through the valley of death,

I shall fear no evil."

Why?

Because I'm the meanest son of a bitch in this valley.

Son, you can't tame the Wild West

and keep your gloves clean.

Brigade!

All right, boys, cut 'em loose and burn it down!

Burn it down, boys!

Oh no! Say it ain't so!

Oh Lordy.

Where the hell did that old heartless bitch,

the queen of hearts, go again?

She's gone.

She disappeared, guys.

Where did she go?

Place your bets. Come on.

Give it to me.

You look like my dog when he's taking a shit.

Place your bets.

Voila!

Thank you.

She probably had the darkie's card stuck

between her saggy tatas whole dang time.

And you look like you had my black king of spades

stuck up your ass the entire time.

Ah!

No wonder you were grinning.

Think you'd win in a shootout?

I think you'd win in a farting contest.

Oops, that's your breath.

Come on!

Let go!

Things are getting a little spicy in here,

so stick around for more Spooky's Naughty Magic Show.

Mister, mister, money has been real tight.

Now, I done told Mr. Johnson

that I'll have his money by Friday.

Sure as a pig has its pork.

Is that you?

Nigga, I thought you were dead!

Look at you.

Why would y'all wanna mess with me like that?

What you got on your face, Spooky?

Man, you know how it is.

Make people laugh

and you could damn near get away with saying anything.

I almost got them crackers eating outta my hand.

Is that so?

This here is Southpaw,

fastest left-handed gunner this side of the Mississippi.

Did you ever hear of Butch Cassidy

and the Sundance Kid?

You talking about them white boy bank robbers?

Hey y'all, this is Big Mama.

First drink is on the house.

All right, now.

What you know about this, Southpaw?

I think I know a thing or two.

"When the laws are unjust..."

"...the just are outlaws!"

11 years, just like you promised.

You know this.

"123 full moon," as the old chief said.

You still think he's gonna remember you, huh?

I hope so.

Where's No-Time's big black ass?

Hey, you ain't heard?

He got some bad intel on a train job

and they winged me, but No-Time caught one in the throat.

Didn't make it.

Made me promise to look after his little sister, Queeny.

Remember her?

So you going after the gold

with those two young guns, huh?

Well, you know me.

I just want a little farm.

Live the simple life.

So you have a little place to put all your critters.

What you got here?

Yeah, he just, you know, fell out of his nest.

I'm just helping him heal.

You know, none of God's creatures have ever lied to me,

and you are the only man left that I trust.

So if you want me on this, you got me.

But you gotta remember,

Angel's after you

and he's stronger than ever.

And he wants to kill you so bad,

it gets his dick hard.

But he won't.

Not yet.

You son of a bitch!

-Queeny, look at you! -I knew you was gonna

come back for me.

See, I told you. I saw him in my vision.

He was alive and he came back for us.

You sure did.

So whatever you two geniuses are scheming up, count me in.

Well, Queeny, folks that get close

to me tend to end up dead.

Oh, I ain't never been scared of death.

The only thing that scares me

is not living in an exceptional life while I'm alive.

Come on, Chief.

Gimme a chance!

Can't you see I'm a full-grown-ass woman now?

And I don't care what you calling yourself these days,

you know you want some of this brown sugar.

You too forward.

She shoulda been born a man!

That's right, Negro.

I ain't for forgot nothing you taught me.

You swore to look after me,

and you are gonna marry me.

So it is what it is, y'all.

Give it up!

All right now, y'all know Big Ma don't play.

So listen to what I've got to say.

We've got the future colored heavyweight champ here today.

Raise your glass for Jack Johnson!

You got somebody you love?

Pull 'em close and let's slow it down.

Hey.

You gonna shoot your own son?

What are you doing here?

I lost my wife.

Gotta get her back.

I need in.

In what?

Rumor has it you're planning a job.

Please, Pa, I don't got a choice.

Well, there's always a choice.

How'd you find me?

I figured Carson would be in on the team.

Go home, son.

I ain't got no home left.

Look, the government; they turned me into a killer.

Except I don't want to kill for them no more.

Please, Pa.

And I ain't never asked you for nothing.

Look here. What's all this talk about killing, huh?

Get outta here, boy, before you get yourself hurt!

Yeah, so them young-ass clowns can go,

but I'm still not good enough, huh?

All right.

Good luck.

Don't turn around.

All right, now you can look.

Girl, what did you do to my gear?

I put the West African symbol for justice on the back.

And my lucky braid

and a feather to keep my man's thoughts flying free.

We tied together now, baby, in this life and the next.

Girl, you too much.

You know we rented you your own room.

So?

Your guardian angel's sleeping right there.

I'm unarmed.

What are you doing now?

Oh, just getting us comfy.

Okay.

Five minutes.

Your daddy gonna hang!

Your daddy gonna hang!

They gonna hang him by the neck because he--

No they ain't! No they ain't!

My daddy is a good man. No they ain't.

My momma says everybody knows he's bad.

No he ain't! No he ain't!

Move!

Outta my way!

Whiskey, please!

Hey, Sheriff, I heard the darnedest thing.

Some loony fellow was claiming he was gonna hold

the reverend captive and blow up the church.

Maybe he heard the reverend preach.

- Son of a bitch! - What the hell was that?

Come on! Come on!

Get up that street!

Ladies and gentlemen, raise your hands slow.

- Oh my God! - Holy cow.

Now lay down and kiss the floor like you love her.

Come on!

Now that explosion y'all just heard

is the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang's way of saying, "howdy"!

We're going to be borrowing your guns,

and we're gonna need us a volunteer to help out

to make sure you good people don't get hurt.

Who's it gonna be?

- Butch Cassidy? - Sh, quiet now.

- Quiet now. - The Sundance Kid.

Stop squirming.

And the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang!

Sir, may I please have an autograph?

May you please have an autograph?

You know what's better than a autograph, little buddy?

You staying alive.

What about you, mister?

My name is Paul. This is between y'all

Go on and stand up for us, boy.

Hey listen, colored man can't even have a bank account

so I was just sending the packages off.

Who you sending a package to?

Why don't y'all just use one of them nice bank fellas?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now, bank tellers tend to do stupid shit like ring alarms.

Now congratulations, Paul.

This might be the first time

that being a darkie's gonna save your life.

We know your black ass ain't no Pinkerton or bank teller.

All right, folks.

Now, if my new darkie friend here

don't do exactly what we say,

my pretty partner, Sundance over here,

gonna start blowing your body parts off bit by bit.

You heard him!

Now, ask him!

Please, Mr. Darkie,

save us and don't do nothing stupid.

Say it!

Please, Mr. Darkie,

save us and don't do nothing stupid!

Louder. Come on!

Please, Mr. Darkie,

save us and don't do anything stupid.

Music to my ears.

Sounds good. Now, let's see what we got, Paul.

Come on, darkie!

Don't have all goddamn day.

All the money, darkie.

- All the money. - No, no. Hold on, hold on.

No, you!

Uh-huh.

I ain't gonna get blown a new asshole

so one of you crackers can be a hero.

Come here.

You hear me?

Uh-uh.

He ain't got the sense God gave hair.

Sit your ass back down there. Stay there.

This is you.

All right?

- You know what? - Huh?

We might have a job opening for you.

Now go get some more money.

But as for you, this is government insured money.

Ain't no need to be dying over it.

Come on.

Son, don't even think about it.

Come on!

Somebody's pranking, boss.

That was a whole lot of nothing.

Someone doing something.

- Oh shit! - Whoa!

- What the hell's goin on? - Now!

Off the streets! Everybody!

Throw it like you got some damn sense!

Got more money!

- That's it. - That's it?

All right, boy.

Back up real slow.

Freeze, cracker boy, or I'll stick you like a pig.

Queeny, no!

- Jesus Christ! - Now!

Go!

Come on, this way!

Watch out!

The money!

What about the money?

Son, let's go.

Got a horse!

On your left!

Pa!

Pa!

Over here.

Queeny!

Wagon, on your right!

Queeny!

Jump on!

Mount up!

Jervis, we've been hoo-rahed!

- Come on! Let's go! - There they go!

Faster!

Get a shot!

Come on, Pa!

Give 'em another one!

- Oh shit! - Whoa!

- Whoa! - They're getting away!

Head back.

- Whoa! - Whoa, whoa.

I finally get to make some money with white face,

and one of my own's ruined for me.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Gal wouldn't part of the plan.

And she knifed me.

I didn't know it was y'all!

What the hell are you doing here?

Saving your ass.

You guys really crapped the bed on that bank robbery

and your horses was getting away.

Hey, we only slowed them down.

They're gonna regroup.

All right, we head north.

Move out, let's go.

Water our horses and get supplies here, y'all.

We got hydrogen peroxide, y'all.

Hello?

What y'all doing in my shop?

Come on, amigos. Cat's got your tongue?

We- we're shopping, sir.

We aim to pay.

What did you say?

We shopping. We aim to pay.

Well, why didn't you say so? Haha!

You have any ammunition?

No ammo.

My wife don't like firearms,

and, hell, I don't even have any bullets in this thing.

It's just to impress folks.

Besides if I start selling ammunition,

the Originals will shut me down.

Now, let me look into your eyes.

Windows of the soul.

Are you here to do me harm?

No, sir.

You're being truthful.

Welcome. Welcome y'all.

Everything is half-off,

'cause I'm getting ready to join my wife in heaven.

Now, down in the cellar, you got molasses,

you got beans.

Up on top, you got dry goods.

Hey, the horses is gone!

Oh shit, Chief!

Originals will turn your horses loose.

What do you mean Originals?

Injuns.

Now these type of Injuns,

they don't believe that people should enslave horses.

They don't think that humans have the right

to even own God's critters.

My wife, she was born enslaved,

and these are the same Injuns that set her free

just the same as set your horses free.

You don't mess with them, they're not gonna mess with you.

When's the next stagecoach?

Could be here five minutes.

Could be here in a couple weeks.

Tell me again in your own words.

Lawlessness will not be tolerated

in the town of Hammer,

nor in this county.

They were modestly successful

and they created a disturbance,

but rest assured, they will be apprehended.

What was it like

to encounter Butch and Sundance?

That's right!

I stood up to Butch and Sundance!

I reckon someone had to keep those innocent folks

from getting hurt.

Hold still for a picture, Sheriff!

Real still.

- Gotcha! - Well.

What happened?

Well, Butch and Sundance are clever.

They had two Negros working with them,

including a gal and a big white fella.

White and black in cahoots with each other.

Who would've seen that coming?

And the munitions?

Eh, soldiers were taking it to clear some Indian territory.

Now they can't go 'til next year.

Your bank was just a bonus for the Outlaws.

Their mission was to delay rousting those Redskins.

And I'd be surprised if it were Robert LeRoy Parker

or Harry Longabaugh.

Butch and Sundance's real names.

Why is that?

They just got gunned down

by Federales in Bolivia.

I did not know that.

Did y'all see how fast Chief was

outside that bank?

He stopped them good old boy crackers

without even breaking a sweat.

When I grow up, I'm gonna be like you, Chief,

without the baby hair.

Well, if you have to shoot your weapon,

you're doing something wrong.

Ain't just about being fast.

It's about having a team you trust!

That you can go back to back with

and handle 360 degrees of trouble.

Understand?

Boy, you lucky.

You part of the first generation who could call a black man--

legally call a black man, a "father".

When we was born, enslaved,

black man couldn't do nothing with his kids.

So how's he doing, this Pa?

I guess that means you gonna need some practice.

Hehe!

You remember your pa?

Oh yeah.

They hung him for teaching me how to read.

And then they told me

to call some old white priest "Father"

and the slave owner "Master".

Yaw!

And they told me that, by law,

I had to take the master's last name.

Right.

I said with all them bullshit laws,

I'm gonna grow up to be a outlaw for sure.

Not again!

Y'all read in the newspaper

that Jack Johnson gonna be

the first colored heavyweight champ?

And he got everybody going crazy

because he done got his self that white gal.

Now that's some color appropriation for your ass.

Yeah, some folks don't want to have a beef about it,

but honestly I like it.

Black folks finally free to be free.

Love who we wanna love,

do whatever the hell we wanna do.

Need to stop worrying about what everybody else think.

Either one of y'all done had y'all a colored gal?

It'll change your life!

But I like mine big.

Can't go wrong with a big 'un.

I can't get behind no skinny gal.

It's like hitting elbows.

Hey!

What about you, Stagecoach?

You gonna let me eat, drink, and do Mary?

Well, some women like a rooster,

I prefer a hen!

Well...

How'd you get to be "Stagecoach Mary"?

I didn't know you could talk.

I have what you call a...

...a loner's temperament.

It's not that I don't like people,

but I'm just not comfortable

when there's a lot of 'em around.

So when they asked me to deliver the mail,

I thought, well, I made a whole lot of money

for a lot of people.

Might as well make some money for myself!

Howdy, gentlemen.

We're looking to buy us a few horses.

This exquisite music,

it gives us the illusion of being closer to God.

Now, this land,

once it's all bought up, we'll destroy all of it.

And that is our nature!

Aren't we supposed to rise above our nature, sir?

I mean, the Good Book says, "Thou shall not kill."

Religion is a story we tell ourselves about the future.

History is the story we tell about the past,

and it's told by those in power.

Did I make a mistake empowering you?

No, sir.

I'm here to chronicle your exploits

from an inside position to the best of my ability.

When I publish these sketches and articles,

you'll be appointed to any post you desire.

The telegraph office where Sergeant Decker contacted you

from sent another message.

Looks like Decker's intel was on point.

Raise a bounty on all of them.

And put one on the girl and Decker too.

I mean, dump all the crabs in one barrel, right?

Yes, sir.

Thank you, Willis.

All right! This is a hold up.

Don't nobody have to get hurt.

Chief, is that you, boy?

Ain't he got a sense of humor though?

What seed you want first?

Because we got corn, we got okra, we got wheat. That's it.

There's some good barley.

Horatio?

Man, I heard you got fast as greased lightning

and still got your big ass smoked.

Well, you know, I killed three men first,

But I gave up that gambling shit.

Found my brothers and sisters,

we pooled our money together,

we bought this little mining town,

and then we decided to run it the way we see fit.

So y'all some type of church group or something?

No, we're from many different races.

There's 33 of us.

They don't even use money in this darn town.

We barter here.

Too many people die over money.

In a money system, they respect the rich

and in an honor system, they respect the honorable.

Listen, Chief, why don't you follow me?

Let me show you the town.

Y'all come on, take a walk with me.

- Horatio! - Hey. Hey.

The Indians in those mountains,

some scary sons of bitches.

- Hey, Mr. Horatio! - Hi.

Yeah, we figured why piss 'em off

by turning them mountains into Swiss cheese

like the miners did?

Yeah, we don't know shit about mining.

We farmers.

We grow damn near anything here too. Everything!

You know, it's our old little Garden of Eden.

Little slice of heaven.

Yeah. Here.

Take that right there.

Yeah, I mean, we ain't got it all figured out,

but it beats the alternative and anything out there.

- Hey. - Good?

- Yep. - Hey, uh--

Why don't you go find what we need?

Go on!

We come from China, but very good with our hands.

This is something we like to call confessional.

You honestly tell us about yourself

and then what you think you can bring to Lil Heaven,

then, you know, we try you out for a spare.

We vote.

Yeah, we vote and then if everybody's happy.

You become part of the family.

Become part of the family.

Come on now, let's go on up here.

Hey, hey!

What say you, family?

Excuse me.

Do y'all know where I can get some demolition explosives?

We got Mr. Tam here

that wants to be a part of our family here.

Mr. Tam, I got question for you.

You think I'm portly?

Maybe a little hefty.

What do you wanna be in your life? What-

What's your dream?

My dream? Open a restaurant.

Well good, because I like to eat.

Hey brother, know where I can find

some explosives for demolition?

Oh yeah, Brother Jeremiah? He up the way.

I ain't got nothing to do with that.

See, I'm living my dream.

If you look around here, you see everybody different.

Different color, different races, and we pray different.

We like to treat people the way we like to be treated.

And what do I like?

To be the mayor.

What do I like?

To be the mayor. Yay!!

Because here in Lil Heaven,

we like to have fun!

Hey, Chief!

Told ya I was coming to heaven.

What y'all say? Pie-eating contest?

Joining my wife.

Oh yeah, big fella!

All right.

Bring the pies up here.

I only have one question for you!

Do you like him?

Oh yeah!

Do you respect him?

Oh yeah!

Do you trust him?

Oh yeah!

Then welcome to the family.

So?

Tell him what you told me.

Well, it's like I told the young fella,

when it comes to explosives,

I can get you anything you need.

Rig it, set it, but we got a problem.

Y'all ain't got no money,

and I definitely don't need no damn seeds.

The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.

So I giveth, y'all taketh me away with you.

Yeah, I got kicked outta Lil Heaven

for being what they call a obstinate pain in the ass.

Brother Jeremiah, at your service.

You think this guy can deliver?

I told him we're going into Native territory.

He still wants to come.

I think he knows there's a bounty on all our heads.

Mostly yours.

He's our only option, but he can't be trusted.

I trusted you.

Brother Jeremiah?

At your service.

Old man Lincoln promised the slaves he was gonna give 'em

reparations when they were set free.

Yeah. 40 acres and a mule.

Yeah. Only when old Lincoln got killed,

they gave the reparations

to the slaveholders instead of the slaves.

And that's about the time your daddy

started robbing government banks to get his own reparations.

Turns out we was robbing the same bank!

We started working together.

Me, Queeny's brother, No-Time, and your daddy.

No one expected us to work together, see?

And then every once in a while, right,

we'd, you know, give a little of the money

to poorer folks.

Yeah, that's how we met.

All right, y'all, we got something ahead.

We ain't got nothing left.

We leaving.

Now let us be!

We mean y'all no harm.

That Sheriff Baker!

On account of some grandfather clause.

If your granddad didn't vote or own land, you can't.

We put a petition together,

demanding our menfolks could vote like the white man.

But they burnt us out.

This is the petition?

These are all the colored families right here?

Mm-hm.

And this is your deed?

Mm-hm.

Did y'all read it?

Well his first language is Spanish,

and neither one of us can read.

And the Baker brothers, they're living in a big fancy house

and keeping all our money.

And we got no place to go.

You mind if we borrow this?

Hey, you know Angel and his men are right behind us?

Yes. So you need to get going while the going's good.

Look, if I live long enough to get this gold,

I'll just bring you my share.

You got my word. Go.

Still trying every trick to get rid of me.

Now this big fella's

got a lucky bug in his pocket.

You know, these men respect you

because you were there for them.

It's all right.

Come here.

Why weren't you ever there for me and my mother?

Got no answer, huh?

You think I'm gonna trust your word?

You ain't never gave me no words to trust.

You can trust mine.

Once I get my fair share, you ain't gonna see me again.

Let's go, y'all.

Yeah!

Bravo, gentlemen.

That was sweeter than Mama's marmalade.

Now, my big brother and me,

we're looking to put down stakes in the right kinda town.

Well, you gentlemen have come to the right establishment.

I'm Sheriff Alan Baker,

and this here is my brother, the mayor, Alvin Baker.

Greetings.

And that there is Cousin Ed.

-That's all in family. -Yeah.

Speaking of family,

we met a mixed colored family out east.

They say they bought land here.

Those darkies have completely forgotten

their station in life.

We're in the process of doing a cleansing,

using the grandfather clause.

I thought that only passed in The South.

True. But darkies don't read.

It's for their own good.

Be uncivilized.

Chinese?

We have the Chinese Exclusion Act.

What about Mexicans?

Not after the Mexican-American War.

Jews? Injuns?

No.

Once we take the red devil's land,

they don't get it back.

Are the devils Jews or Injuns?

What's the difference?

No, no, you and your family, you'll be safe here.

Now my wife, she's what you call Creole.

You know, her folks from New Orleans.

Is that a problem?

My advice, just keep that Creole stuff under your hat.

You ain't got to worry about her. No way.

'Cause can't no woman of any color vote.

Yeah.

My brother's right.

We got a big, big family.

What if we take every parcel you've got

for cold, hard cash?

What do you say?

What do you say, sheriff?

I say welcome to town, neighbors.

Hey.

Yeah, let's step into the parlor here

and have an official congratulations!

Group of men and a woman?

You seen them?

They come through here?

Let's go.

All right now,

you can sign your family's names yourselves on these deeds.

This calls for celebration with libation.

Yes indeedy!

I'll call on the missus.

Hey Queeny, get in here, my little Creole flower!

Now, Queeny, these are our new neighbors,

the honorable brothers, the Mayor and Sheriff Baker.

Bonjour, monsieur.

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

She's beauty, ain't she?

She gets that golden tan when she's in the sun.

Oh, wait 'til you see her brothers!

Hey boys, get in here!

Don't be shy!

All official and notarized.

Ah, looking good.

I think there's been some kind of mistake.

Oh yeah. What's that?

We don't serve coloreds.

Well, that's all right,

'cause we don't eat coloreds.

How many people in this piece-of-shit town?

Just us, boss.

Oh yeah?

So you two are now outnumbered by your new citizens.

Pa, this is a waste of time.

We need to get back on track.

Son, wanna be in the Outlaws?

Sometimes you gotta fix the laws.

Mm-hm.

Oh well, we gonna need us a new mayor!

- I think he's right. - Uh-huh!

So, who wants to run for mayor?

Ooh! I do.

Well, let's put it to an oral vote.

All those in favor of wild-ass Queeny for mayor say "aye".

Aye!

Hey, look at that.

Madame Mayor, what is your first new law?

Well, my new law is--

Uh-oh.

All men should kiss my ass!

That is a wonderful proclamation!

Look at that. You mean the sheriff

and the old mayor ain't gonna obey the laws?

Well then, you gentlemen are now outlaws,

and out of office.

And if you don't get out of town,

- we might burn your asses out. - Oh, yes sir. Mmm.

You talk that sass negro-talk?

These skinny renegade bastards!

That sounds like insubordination, Chief.

Secretary Spooks, I do believe you're right.

- Yes, sir. - Mm-hm!

You silly harlot.

Oh, you can laugh now.

Cry later.

Outlaws wanted, dead or alive.

That's y'all, ain't it?

Come on kids.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

These are the deeds. They're all official.

They have your family's name on them,

and the name of all the families from your petition.

Take some money

for you and the others to rebuild with.

Why are you doing this for us?

I don't know.

Just take it before we change our minds.

There were some mans here looking for y'all.

Okay.

Listen up, y'all.

Teach your babies how to read.

Si Señor.

Bless you.

Found this one still alive.

Darkies did this.

One of 'em knifed me.

-I barely got away. -Yeah.

Did you get a good look at 'em?

Yeah.

You wanna ride with us then?

Yeah. Payback's a bitch.

You sound like my kinda fella.

Welcome in, son.

We're gonna capture these ruthless killers,

and we're gonna bring them to justice.

Willis, are you getting this?

Yes, sir. Every last bit.

Well, it seems as though they left you something.

An angel with a missing left hand.

What can we do you for?

Well, we were concerned about your town's safety.

Might have been some outlaws riding this way.

Now, you've seen any of them, you let me know, you hear?

I can't say anybody looks familiar to me.

No.

Uh-huh.

Everybody wants to go to heaven,

but nobody wants to die.

Let's get outta here.

Come on.

That ain't right.

Mary's stagecoach, Mary's rule.

I had that big gal changing rules

if she back that stagecoach up on this rooster. Hehehe.

All right, Decker your turn.

Impersonate somebody.

There's three types of people in this world.

Oh!

People that eat my daddy's beans,

people who complain about my daddy's beans,

and the people who sing the truth

about them nasty-ass beans!

Saying the truth?

-Oh, come on. -That's how you

know they working.

Carson, you just in time.

I saved you some of my famous beans, brother.

Pull up.

I appropriated some food in town, thank you very much.

Where's Southpaw at?

Southpaw ain't coming.

He rides with Angel now.

Up until now, I kept things on a need-to-know basis.

But now y'all need to know.

Lil Heaven is the last town for miles.

Up behind to the west are the mountains,

and in the mountains are the mines.

And the gold is in the mines.

Which is where we need the dynamite.

Which is why Brother Jeremiah will be joining us.

Shit fire. Don't y'all know that's Indian reservation?

And we not talking about the peaceful ones.

Now them ones up yonder, they'll skin your ass alive.

The chief and me had an agreement.

He said that on the 123rd full moon,

that's 11 years ago,

he'd let me back into the mines to get the gold.

If Angel goes through the mountains,

the natives are gonna slaughter him.

Brother Southpaw's gonna try to convince them to go.

Our Native friends will know to leave Southpaw unharmed.

Now let's get some rest.

God damn it!

Shit! I think I done got bit.

I done got bit.

Hey, we all getting bit.

You thinking about tomorrow?

If I wasn't, I'd be a fool.

Would've been safer for you

to keep hustling cards and dancing.

You make being a male look so easy.

Plus you got that proud king walk.

Well, I am the sheriff now.

Oh.

-And The Chief. -Mmm-hmm!

What are you doing?

My new law is I get to sleep right here

on top of my man bed any time I want.

Uh, Chief, I don't see nobody.

Oh, they see us!

I heard y'all ran up in that bank

and tried to rob it full of seeds.

Don't feel bad.

I did the same damn thing.

And look at you!

Riding tall in the saddle anyway.

You got everybody following behind you.

Even this big white man back here.

On your right!

Oh hell no!

You have offering?

Yes.

We blew up the army's weapons of war.

They ain't gonna be coming after y'all for a spell.

My father,

he thanks you for saving my life.

He says you'll celebrate the moon with him tonight.

My father don't trust white man anymore.

This man cannot come.

Like it or not,

we're all Americans now.

And that white man,

he's the one that lit the fuse.

Why are we stopping?

Them darkies rode right through.

We must go around, Boss.

Over that cliff, they take revenge on the white man.

Dunno how a darkie got this far.

Great Cloud says he thanks you

for destroying the colonizer's tools of war.

He will allow you to take the gold

from the wound in the mountain, as agreed.

After you've taken the gold, close the mountain.

Gold lust brings more thieves of the earth.

But Great Cloud says, "you cannot pass as

Africans with white man's ways".

You must find your true spirit animals.

Pops, what the hell is going on?

My name ain't really Queeny.

We gonna find out who we really are tonight.

This stuff smells like horse shit.

I don't know about this, Chief.

I'm with him.

You must drink it all at once.

Channel you inner African warrior.

We about to go on a ride.

Do you see yourself?

Yes.

When you become like the people

who would buy and sell you,

what have you become?

A dead man.

What do you see?

Where you always running to, running man?

Pa!

But we broke the chains.

The chains are in your mind.

Your name will be Free Man.

Pa!

Judge a man by his children.

Nobody makes it outta here alive.

Do I die?

We all die.

We're good.

When I seen you, I thought I'd seen a ghost. Haha!

Tunnel's clear!

Once we're in, pack your gold,

we escape through the vertical entrance.

Am I still dreaming?

I don't know.

But we gotta keep moving.

How many days did we lose?

I don't know. Stay focused.

I saw my mama, alive.

Don't leave me, y'all!

This is spooky.

I can't see straight.

Oh, may the Lord let our souls grow wings

and let us fly from this mountainous grave.

If you're praying to that same Lord

that stood by while they enslaved Africans and Indians,

we dead.

Chief, I sure hope you know where the hell you going.

What the hell was in that drink?

How long is this shit gonna last for?

It's gotta be that way.

Let's go that way.

You got one week.

We'll be watching and staying close enough.

You find your dad and my gold,

and you'll get your wife back.

I'm spectacular at dying.

Come on.

We'll be watching.

We'll be watching.

Go and find your dad.

You got one week, and you'll get your wife back.

You find your dad and my gold,

you'll get your wife back.

You find your dad, and you'll get your wife back.

You'll get your wife back.

Which one is it?

I just heard him say mines.

What's that?

That's our boy.

He signaling.

"Dante's Inferno."

Seventh circle of the damned.

What if this is hell?

What if there's no gold?

This one ain't it.

Brigade!

Yes, sir?

You hellhounds,

now this is what you've been waiting for.

Spread out and climb!

You bring me that gold and those men,

dead or alive.

A double bonus to the man

who brings me the head of Chief!

Now!

In here, y'all!

Yeah, this is it.

Carson. Carson. We got something here.

- Come over here. - Hey, Decker.

She's gone to a place.

She's gone to a place.

- Right there! - She went.

God!

- Oh my! - I seen it! I seen it!

Yeah. Oh my God!

- Yes! - It's gold bars,

- ain't it? - Yes. That's the box!

- I seen it. I worked! - No baby, this is

- a good thing. - I seen you.

You was dead, Chief.

This is a good thing.

-Baby, it was just a vision. -Baby, please.

Put your satchels there, y'all.

- But Mama! - We gotta go!

You said a black man can't get no respect

unless he got some money.

We got the money!

Jeremiah, go rig the dynamite.

I'll be there in a minute. Go.

Okay, the rest of y'all,

get the gold in your satchels, okay?

Spooky, put it in your damn satchel!

This is the spot, right here.

This gonna blow everything to kingdom come!

Decker!

Chief, Chief, this is it.

This is it.

Hey, what are you doing?

Get down! Get down!

Shit!

Just keeping lookout,

so I don't get my head shot off.

This mine?

You earned it.

And I'm breaking my word.

All right, let's go.

Come on!

"Word"?

You broke your word to who?

You said it, we can all die today.

To your mother.

Son, you were a difficult birth,

but you were born a free man.

Your mother made me promise that if you survived,

I'd let you grow up free.

Free to believe you could grow up being

whatever you put your mind to.

She didn't want you drawn into this outlaw life

with a price on your head and a target on your back.

So you promised to stay away?

I got as close as I could.

I saw you graduate.

I saw you get promoted to sergeant.

I even saw you get married.

Son, you're the best part of me that's living.

I'm so proud of you.

But now you gotta do right by your mom!

You understand me?

You need to forget about me and this outlaw life.

You've got your share of the gold now, son.

Go! Save yourself.

Save her!

Chief, the fuses are ready!

No, Pa!

Pa, there's something I gotta tell you!

Chief, this here is the master fuse.

Now, this fuse is long enough

so that you can get outta here.

And all these lower tunnels are gonna blow

like the devil himself done passed gas.

What the hell's he doing?

I don't know.

All right, this is your share.

Oh, Chief, two bars?

All this work for two bars?

Brother, we all just getting two bars.

The rest of the money ain't ours.

That goes to people in need.

That's reparations money. Understand?

That's your share.

No!

See, I told you, I told you!

What?

-I told you. -What?

- I told you! - He's dead.

- What? - He's dead.

He was chirping and then he's dead.

- He's dead! - He's dead!

- Oh no. - It's a bad omen.

He's dead!

The canary in the coal mine, y'all.

That's it.

Birds are more sensitive to poison gas...

Hey, if that dynamite goes off,

half this mountain's gonna blow.

Listen, listen, listen, y'all.

Get the satchels with the gold.

We gotta go now. Now!

Decker, save yourself and save her!

Pa, wait!

Start getting up that vertical tunnel now.

Yeah, but what about you?

I'm gonna go.

I'll be right back.

I'll be fine.

Go, go, go, go.

-I'll be fine. -Decker!

Help her up, y'all.

We gotta go. Come on. Let's go!

Pa! Let's go!

Run, boy!

Watch out!

Dad!

Pa!

I think we got one in here!

Got ourselves a dead Outlaw.

It's Chief.

Why don't you write that in your book, Willis?

Ehh! You son of a bitch.

Deprived me of the opportunity.

Still, there's this.

Willis, you keep a good watch on that.

Get off of me!

You might not want to see this.

No!

Thomas.

Pa!

And this, Thomas.

I've been waiting for this.

Please, I did what you asked.

Let me bury him.

Ax.

Please!

I will not be deprived my pound of flesh.

No!

No!

No!

Get him outta there.

No!

I'll kill you!

Brigade!

Doing my last bit of drinking.

He knew I was betraying him.

He gave me my fair share of the gold

and the last thing he said to me was, "Save yourself.

Save her."

You were trying to keep your wife alive.

Devil's coming.

You three looking pretty chummy.

I'm just grilling 'em, sir.

Ah.

You at least gonna let me bury my father?

Well, I am a sporting man, so I'll wager you.

You beat me at cards,

maybe I'll let you bury your old man.

You know those Baker brothers?

They were overdue for a killing.

I mean the way they cheated at poker, am I right?

Well, I was pretty new.

Yeah. When did they deputize you?

Last month.

Okay, so I gotta ask,

which one did it?

Which one?

Little Quaker girl?

All right, you're loyal.

I respect that.

Still, I gotta ask again.

Which one of 'em did the deed?

Hell if I know.

I'll raise ya.

Son, I think you're bluffing.

Decker, what do you think?

Shotgun?

I think you're all full of shit.

Okay boys, go ahead and turn mine over.

I've shown you my hand.

Time to show yours.

Show me!

Sheriff Alan Baker was an illiterate religious fanatic.

He'd never tolerate card playing.

He was also a notorious pedophile.

And you two girls play like the best old friends.

You ride with the Outlaws, don't you?

Now you tell me.

Yes, I ride with the Outlaws. Ugh!

Thank you.

Oh.

Darling, I suspect you remember how this goes.

You start playing and you don't stop.

Come on.

You may not have noticed, but on certain issues,

I can even be somewhat progressive.

As an example, I'm gonna give you a vote.

You tell me which of those two boys I should carve up first.

Hm?

No answer?

I thought women wanted to vote.

I guess you're the more traditional sort.

Well, you know what that means?

Ladies first.

Take me!

Yeah, that's right.

You heard me, you sick one-handed sadist.

Unchain me!

I'll stick that poke up your fat ass!

Your pappy's alive and you hate him and betray him.

Your pappy dies and you're grieving and dutiful.

So you tell me,

is that irony

or hypocrisy?

Hypocrisy?

I hear you talking about me,

but what's your own men got to say about you?

Oh, I got a little surprise for you.

I think you're gonna enjoy it.

Willis, we want to hear from

that article you've been writing, okay?

Yes, sir.

No, not the decoy journal.

No. From the one you're so sure has been hidden.

I'm sorry, sir. Uh.

I don't know what--

Damn, you're a terrible liar.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, I know. I do.

And look what we have here.

Oh!

It's fictional.

I just wrote this for myself.

Read!

Brigade!

"When my faith waivers,

I take solace in the fact that this devil called Angel

can exist to bring out the worst in us,

there must be an opposite.

A divine inner good.

I pray for the strength to resist Angel

and his deplorable doglike disciples

who take delight in obeying his every cruel demand."

Willis, was Columbus a butcher or a brave explorer?

It all depends on your perspective,

which you sorely lack.

But tonight that changes.

It's time to take part.

And you're gonna put a bullet in her.

Or they're gonna put some in you.

Keep playing!

I'm sorry.

Hellhounds!

Don't touch my wife!

By the count of three.

One,

two,

three!

No!

Your wife does play beautifully

I'm gonna be the last man she ever plays for.

Cyclops, what's the Good Book say on revenge?

I believe it says an eye for an eye.

That's right.

Your pappy took my hand.

I'm taking hers.

Don't you touch my wife!

Brigade!

No. No!

No!

No!

No!

Pa!

Decker!

Everybody down!

Hi, baby.

Well, Chief, you don't die easy. I'll give you that.

I'll tell you what,

now you surrender,

and I'll let your men live.

Just like you let them women and children live?

Well, th were Indians!

And we got that territory cleared, didn't we?

You boys riding with Chief,

you surrender and I'll treat you real fair,

just like I always have with Thomas.

Isn't that right, Thomas?

Yeah, that's right.

Angel's always been mighty good to me.

He's trying to gauge our position.

We gotta spread out.

I'll keep his head on a swivel.

Now, Chief, on the other hand, I ride with him,

he leaves me disfigured, steals my gold.

Now for that, he must atone.

You're the thief, Angel!

That gold was reparations money

to pay back them enslaved families.

for building this country.

"Reparations"!

Coloreds were brought here to work the land,

not own it!

This country was made

for wealthy white Christian men,

like me!

Brigade!

Let's go!

Come on.

Ooh! Take that!

- Get out of here! - Go!

Watch out!

Eye for an eye,

asshole!

It's all over, motherfucker!

You a ghost?

I saw your dead body.

Really?

You miss me?

Well that was that then.

You were right.

I couldn't trust him.

All this work for two bars!

No, Negro.

I was born at night, but not last night.

Now, you could tell that

to them other fools you riding with,

but not Brother Jeremiah.

So you better take care of me before I take care of you.

You were supposed to be your brother's keeper.

So I switched clothes with Brother Jeremiah.

Figured wasn't no sense in him dying in vain.

Decker, Son, run! Save yourself.

Pa!

- Stay there! - Wait!

Couldn't trust me either.

When did you know about me?

I knew Malindy wasn't gonna leave your ass.

The violin.

My wedding day. That was you.

It was a wedding gift.

Can you forgive me for being a shitty father?

Can you forgive me for being a shitty son?

Love you, Pa.

I love you son.

The Originals allowed us

to bury Sergeant Willis up in their mountains,

and Spooky decided to stay his ass up there with him.

Southpaw graduated to robbing railroads.

Most of us, we just looking for a little heaven on earth.

We kept some of the gold for ourselves,

but the lion's share we gave away to folks in need,

just as promised.

The Original Americans, they call me "Free Man".

But the truth is, I ain't always been such a good man

and I've killed more than I care to remember.

Tell the truth and shame the devil.

I ain't scared of much,

but y'all scare the heck outta me

because you've given me something back

that I didn't know I lost:

hope.

Hope that all of us people of different races,

different beliefs, might not just tear each other apart.

Hope that we won't get greedy

and destroy this great Garden of Eden we were given.

Hope for the country we can become,

not just the country we've been.

That's right! I know that's right!

Speak on. Keep speaking.

- All right. That's right! - That's my boy!

I got one question for y'all.

Do you like them?

Oh yes!

You respect them?

Oh yes!

Do you trust them?

Heck yes!

Then welcome to the family!

Yeah! Thank you!

Woo. This is our new family here?

This is everybody family right here!

Even her with the freckles?

They had fun without guns in Lil Heaven,

so we stayed on to protect them.

And me and Queeny got hitched, just like she predicted.

Now the real wild, wild West looked like all of us.

But see, most people, they know about bank robbers

like Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid.

They was never taught about folks of color though.

The Tams got to open up their dream restaurant,

and it's the longest family-owned Chinese restaurant

in America.

Jack Johnson whooped enough ass

to become the first black heavyweight,

and he and his lovely wife opened up a club

called Black and Tan

where folks of all colors was welcome.

And long before they could vote,

there was women like Stagecoach Mary.

Now she was a real badass.

Sure is beautiful country.

It sure is.