Original subtitles

Max, the chief's been hit!

I'm sorry...

Don't try to talk, chief, Try to save your strength.

Oh, max, the chief's Got to be all right.

He's just got to be. If Anything happens to him...

- 99... - max, please tell me he'll be all right.

- 99... - tell me he'll be all right, max.

Tell me, max. Tell me.

- he'll be all right. - you're just saying that.

99, you know how I Feel about the chief.

I know, max. He Yells at you a lot,

But he really likes you so much.

Yes. You know, it's funny, 99,

At a time like this you Remember little things.

Do you know, when I First came to control,

- the chief had a full head of hair? - really?

When I came here he was bald.

That's right. You joined Two weeks after I did.

Oh, max, I'm so Afraid kaos will...

I mean, if anything Should happen to you, I'd...

Don't worry, 99. Nothing's Going to happen to me.

You know what I mean, max.

Yes, I do, ernestine.

That's the first time you've Ever called me ernestine.

- I know. - I wish it were my name.

Admiral hargrade?

Oh, there you are.

There certainly are a lot Of sharp turns in this hall.

What are you Doing here, admiral?

What am I doing here?

My boy, when the president Of the united states

Puts me in charge of A case, I take charge.

Don't overtax yourself, sir.

Nonsense, my boy.

I may be 91 years old,

But I have just as Much vim and vigor

As I had when I was 32.

Well, maybe 31.

32 was actually a very bad year.

All right, 86, let me Have your report.

Well, it's bad news, sir.

The chief has been hurt.

Tell me the bad news first, Then we'll discuss the chief.

That's it, sir. The Chief has been shot.

Well, what about our Witness, bediyoskin?

Did you talk to him While he was conscious?

Did he tell you who Has the stolen formula?

Well, he wasn't able to talk,

But he wrote something Down on a piece of paper.

That's a piece of Paper all right.

We'd better get this over

To bediyoskin's Brother right away.

If anybody can read This, it's dr. Smith.

This piece of paper will tell Us who has the stolen formula.

I can't believe this!

The chief is lying in There in critical condition,

And all you're worried About is the formula,

Now see here, young lady,

I am a soldier and so Is the man in that room.

Our nation's security Comes before any one man.

and if one of us Falls by the wayside,

We must still move forward.

We have to not Get him too excited.

No, it's all right, 99. It's Time for his nap anyway.

Let's get him over there and Stand him against the wall.

All right.

Let's go look in On the chief, max.

Right, 99. Have a Good rest, old timer.

- hi. - hello, chief.

What's new?

The doctor says you're Gonna be just fine.

Yes, chief, but It's very important

That you get a lot Of peace and quiet

And I'm personally gonna See to it that you get...

Sorry about that, chief.

now if there's Anything I can do,

Anything at all, don't Hesitate to let me know.

If you need blood, You can have mine.

Excuse me, I have To check his chart.

Well, we have to be Going anyway, chief.

I've got to get bediyoskin's Message over to dr. Smith.

there's every chance in The world that he may be able

to decipher his Brother's handwriting.

Put your hands up.

Max!

99, what are you doing? The doctor expressly said

That the chief should Have rest, peace and quiet.

She's a kaos agent. Max, look!

how did you know She wasn't a nurse?

a nurse doesn't wear High heels on duty, max.

Hold it!

All right, get on your feet.

Max!

- max, are you all right? - yes.

- don't let her get away, 99. - right, max.

Now you just relax, Chief, and get some sleep.

There she goes, max.

The chief's car.

Larrabee, quick, Follow that car.

Right, 86!

- I'll go first. - right, max.

Man on tv: if we do Not receive $1 billion

We will unleash The terrifying power

Of formula 6076767.

your country will be Turned into a wasteland.

kaos has moved ahead with Its threat to destroy your country.

Less than 30 minutes ago

We dried up another Body of water...

Niagara falls.

Isn't that terrible?

Now thousands of honeymooners

Will be stranded up There with nothing to do.

Dr. Smith,

You must decipher your Brother's handwriting.

If you fail, the entire Country may be destroyed...

By the very formula You have created.

It's three initials...

T.B.O.

Whose initials are t.B.O.?

T.B.O.? Why does that Sound so familiar?

Would you get that?

- where's the phone? - it's the microscope.

No no no, internal security Changed it this morning.

It's the bunsen burner.

You listen to the metal Part and talk into the flame.

A hotline, huh?

This is control laboratory,

Maxwell smart speaking.

Uh, I blew the connection.

There's a big, black "T",

A lot of little letters,

A big "B", and then...

Hello.

99, it's agent 13.

He's reporting in that he Infiltrated the laundry.

The laundry. That's it.

These are the laundry Tickets that I found

In your brother's Clothes at the hotel room.

"Three brothers Omniwash... T.B.O."

Good girl, 99.

Now I want you and 86 to go To that laundry immediately.

This is a code "P" alert. That's "P" as in "Peter."

Hello, 13. This is A code "P" alert.

That's "P" as in "Peter."

Hello, 13. I was saying

It's a code "P" alert...

Eh...

How about "L" for "Lamont"?

No.

Well, I'll tell him When I get there.

- come on, 99. - right, max.

Hi, 99, where have you Been keeping yourself?

Hello, 13. How are You doing in there?

If you two are quite finished,

Do you mind if we Get down to business?

Have you learned anything, 13?

Yeah, I... Oh, Somebody's coming.

Listen, you'd better keep Stuffing clothes in here

So we don't look suspicious.

And if anybody comes By, close the door.

The laundry is a front For a horse room.

The machines represent Different horses and races

Throughout the country. The bets are in the laundry bags

- and they're deposited in the machi... - shh, someone's coming.

Are deposited in the machines By runners posing as customers.

Of course. That Explains everything.

That's why you found the Laundry tickets in bediyoskin's room.

The laundry tickets are The bets for the races.

- the red tickets... - shh.

He's coming back.

Are $500 bets, and the White ones are $1,000.

Bediyoskin had Six $1,000 tickets.

Of course, of course.

He was betting on the races And losing and he had to pay off,

So he stole the formula And sold it to kaos.

Yeah. 86, do you think you'll Be needing me anymore?

No, I don't think so, 13.

Well, I can't wait to get Home and take a warm bath.

That man who just came in.

- what about him? - don't you recognize him, max?

That's the drunk who was in the Hotel lobby when bediyoskin was shot.

You're right, 99. Why, he Could have shot bediyoskin.

- do you think he saw us? - no, I don't think so,

But we'd better step back Here just in case he comes out.

Strange, his showing up here.

Well, maybe he's a horseplayer.

Max, I have a hunch. Call it woman's intuition,

But his being here is Not just a coincidence.

Now supposing he owns this place

And supposing bediyoskin Had lost heavily at the races

And supposing he's the bookmaker That bediyoskin had to pay off.

Well, that's a lot Of supposing, 99,

But you just may be Right, and if you are

Then the pieces begin to Fit together very nicely.

If we could just figure Out what t.B.O. Stands for.

T.B.O., t.B.O. Wait a Minute, 99, I've got an idea.

T-b...

No, that's no good.

Max, look! T.B.O.

Yes, and a lot of little Letters underneath it.

R-l-a-n-d-o. Orlando, And a phone number.

Max, "2-1-3"... That's the Area code for los angeles.

Maybe someone called a T.B. Orlando in los angeles.

- do you think orlando is a name? - could be.

Well, there's only One way to find out, 99.

I'm going to call that number.

Hello, operator? This is maxwell smart.

I want to call long distance, Los angeles, california.

The number is 462-7399.

I want to speak Person-to-person to a mr. Orlando.

- panamint studios. - it's panamint studios.

Mr. Orlando? Yes, We have a mr. Orlando.

T.B. Orlando. Shall I ring him?

No, never mind.

Well, that's it, 99. We've found our t.B.O.

Come on, we're Going to los angeles.

- max, why didn't you talk to him? - why warn him?

This way nobody knows We're coming. Come on.

A man called smart just phoned

From washington Inquiring about orlando.

Look, fella, you can't see Mr. Orlando without a pass.

Besides, I don't believe You're his brother.

Can you please stand back

And let mr. Hurrah's Car through?

Mr. Hurrah? Wait a Minute, we know mr. Hurrah.

If he says it's Okay, can we get in?

He's the big one.

You get an okay from Mr. Hurrah and you're in.

- morning. - morning, sir.

Uh, mr. Hurrah, I don't know If you remember me or not,

But we met in washington when Your friend bediyoskin was...

Of course, when Bediyoskin was... Was what?

- uh, shot. - shot. Yes, terrible, sad.

Some actors should be Shot, but not bediyoskin.

what are you doing here?

My sister and I Just came out here

To see a friend in the studio, But they won't let us in.

You want to get in the Studio... You're in the studio.

This man is a very dear Friend of mine. You let him in.

- yes, sir. - come, I'll give you a ride. Get in.

Oh, well, we wouldn't want To put you out, mr. Hurrah.

Nonsense, nonsense, My dear friend.

Get in, get in. Bring your Sister. Get in. Plenty of room.

Come right here. That's It, I'll make a little room.

Sit right here, my dear.

Take this. That's it.

That's it. That's it. Okay.

Okay. You all right?

Be careful, I'm on The edge of the car.

No, this is "The edge of The car," my new picture.

Are you sure we're not Putting you to any trouble?

- no. Where are you going, my friend? - stage 7.

Here we are.

I hope we didn't take You out of your way.

Not at all, my friend. I'm so glad You could have the ride with me.

Fine, I'll just take That. That's a girl.

Yes, there we are.

Who are you going To see on the lot?

- we're looking for a mr. Orlando. - orlando? Uh...

Oh, there he is, over There with the green jacket.

- well, goodbye, my friends. - thank you.

- mr. Orlando, I have to talk to you. - about what?

I'm maxwell smart, A government agent.

I don't know anything.

This concerns the whole World. You've got to help us.

I have an appointment With mr. Hurrah,

And the big one doesn't Like to be kept waiting.

Bediyoskin told Us to contact you.

He even wrote your initials On a slip of paper... T.B.O.

T.B.O. Can mean a lot of things.

Oh, really? For instance, Give me another t.B.O.

- one t.B.O., 40¢ - t.B.O?

Tomato and bacon, On an onion roll.

You see? Now go away.

Our nation's Security is at stake.

You owe it to your country To tell us what you know.

Wait a minute.

Did you say bediyoskin wrote

The initials t.B.O. On a piece of paper?

- yes. - I must check something.

What? - not now.

Meet me on stage 7.

Give me five minutes.

There must be a light switch In here somewhere, max.

Forget it, 99.

It will make us perfect Targets for orlando.

Just stick close to me And hug the shadows.

Come on.

Take it easy, 99.

It's just a bunch of dummies.

They use them for fight scenes.

Max, look!

It's orlando. He's dead.

- oh, max, how terrible. - I know.

That practically Eliminates him as a suspect.

Come on, 99. Let's Get out of here.

Oh, max, we're right Back where we started.

We still don't know Who the big one is.

Yes, well, I guess we'd Better call the admiral.

Right.

- wait a minute. Wait a minute, 99. - what?

It's been right here in front Of our eyes all the time.

- what has? - of course.

Orlando said it, the guard Said it, and now you just said it.

Said what, max?

The big one... T.B.O.

T.B.O. Stands for "The big one."

Max, I don't know what You're talking about.

Don't you remember, 99? Orlando said,

"I've got an appointment With otto hurrah,

And the big one doesn't Like to be kept waiting."

And then the guard said...

"If it's all right with The big one, you're in."

T.B.O... The big one Is otto hurrah.

- exactly. - what are we going to do now, max?

We'll just go over To mr. Hurrah's office

And have a little talk with him.

Why not have it here?

Run, 99, run.

99!

I'll get him, 99.

Thank you.

Hi-ya!

ha!

Yah!

Missed. Ha ha.

This is going to be A pleasure, hurrah...

For you.

Tell me, hurrah, what made You decide to join kaos?

I'm a creative Producer and director,

Bursting with new concepts.

I was wasted in The movie business.

Kaos had an opening for A mastermind, so I took it.

Besides, my agent Recommended it.

But kaos is vicious, Evil and rotten.

So is my agent.

Your government made a big mistake Not giving us the money, mr. Smart.

Now everyone in america is doomed To die of thirst and starvation.

You're the one who's Made the mistake, hurrah.

Yes, I let others Try to kill you.

I almost deprived myself of This measureless pleasure.

Any last words, mr. Smart?

Yes. You're under arrest.

Your last chance, mr. Smart.

Make a phone call and guarantee The money, and I'll let you live.

You're bluffing, hurrah. You've used up most

Of the formula in Demonstrations already.

Our chemists in europe Will duplicate the formula

As soon as I deliver it there.

We have men in every Airport, every seaport.

You'll never get the Formula past them.

We shall see. Correction... I shall see.

You won't be alive.

Well, hurrah, as they say In the movies, this is the end.

Don't worry, my friend.

I've never killed An unarmed man.

Sorry about that.

Well, sir, I'm very Glad to tell you

That the case is Officially closed,

And I will now turn over The wheel of the ship to you.

Well, admiral, it was a...

A pleasure serving Under you again, sir.

The pleasure was mine.

And now I've got To get to my doctor.

I'm overdue for my checkup.

When did you have your last one?

Yesterday.

I think we should all go home.

We could certainly Use a nice, quiet weekend.