Original subtitles

Now you men have been Called to this meeting

Because you best represent Those traditions and standards

That kaos holds dear:

Loyalty, bravery

And murder.

What I'm about to tell you is One of the most sinister plots

That kaos has ever Devised against america,

So I must caution you Against loose talk.

Word must never leave this room.

Man: all right, all right, Schnell, out with it.

what is the plot?

Schnell: tomorrow afternoon At jet space laboratories

A group of america's Top space scientists

Will be blown to smithereens.

Man: but, schnell, Jet space labs...

It is one of the most tightly Guarded installations.

how do we pass their security?

Now, petroff, I show you.

We drive right Through the front gate.

Americans and their Stupid coffee break.

tomorrow afternoon at 2:15

willie's snack truck will be Outside the propulsion lab

At precisely the same Moment the space scientists

Will be concluding Their inspection tour.

When they step outside Of the building... Kaboom!

So...

The old Bomb-in-a-snack-truck trick.

Hello, chief?

Yes, max, what's up?

Listen, chief, I've just Uncovered a vicious plot

To murder a group of Our top space scientists.

Where, max, where?

In the next room. Right Here in the park savoy hotel.

Are the scientists Staying at that hotel?

No, chief, kaos Is at this hotel.

Schnell and petroff are here.

Schnell and petroff?

Max, they're number one and two On control's 10-most-wanted spy list.

One and two? I thought They were nine and 10.

Well, they were, but when the last ratings Came in, they jumped to one and two.

But I don't understand, chief.

Kaos has better killers and Murderers than schnell and petroff.

That's the way our Business works, max.

They don't go by how good You are, they go by the rating.

There you have it, gentlemen.

That concludes our briefing.

Now remember, the Key word is secrecy.

Schnell here.

Are you sure?

All right, I will Take care of it.

That was kaos communications.

Smart is in the next room.

- smart? - shh! He's listening.

You stay here, you come with me.

Have you got a pencil, chief?

Okay, write this down.

At exactly 2:15...

Hold on, chief.

I think there's Someone at the door.

Where am I?

You're in general Hospital, mr. Smart.

You were in an Automobile accident.

An automobile accident.

Yes, of course. I've Got to get out of here.

Mr. Smart, you Have a head injury.

Now the doctor insists you Be kept here for observation.

Yes, well, you tell the doctor That I've got to get out of here.

The security of the Nation may be at stake.

Well, you'll have to think Of a better one than that.

- where are my clothes? - mr. Smart!

No one leaves this hospital Without the doctor's permission.

I'll get him here right away.

Doctor, dr. Mangle.

It's mr. Smart in number 612.

Yes, nurse, what about him?

Bad news, doctor. He's feeling better.

I was afraid of this.

Well, he wants to leave The hospital immediately.

Yes, he'll go Directly to control

And kaos will punish us for Destroying their most ingenious plan.

- we must silence smart. - but how, doctor, how?

Hmm. Prepare the hypodermic.

- the death syrup? - yes, and sterilize the needle.

Sterilize the needle? But if we're gonna kill him...

Nurse! I may be Working for kaos,

But I am still a doctor.

Woman over p.A.: dr. Mangle, telephone.

- dr. Mangle, telephone. - dr. Mangle here.

Yes, krauss, thank you.

What is it, doctor?

Chief of control and 99,

They're on their Way up to see smart.

Well, it's too late to Give him the hypo now.

And once they've Talked to him, we're lost.

These amnesia pills... It's our only chance.

Amnesia pills, doctor?

Yes, the newest discovery From the laboratories of kaos.

One of these pills

And the victim loses His memory for one hour.

That's a great step Forward in medicine.

Yes, and you can get them Without a prescription.

Now get going.

You stall off the visitors

- while I administer to the patient. - all right.

Mr. Smart. Mr. Smart?

Yes, doctor.

Mr. Smart, what are You doing in that suit?

Oh, well, I know It needs pressing,

But after all, I was in a wreck.

Mr. Smart, you are recovering From a very serious accident.

Now I insist you get back into that bed And take one of these pills immediately.

I'm sorry, doctor, I have no time For that. My country is in danger.

Well, unless you Take this pill, you'll die.

I may be patriotic, But I'm not a fanatic.

All right, doctor, I'll take This pill, but then I'm leaving.

I must contact my Chief immediately.

Oh, max! Thank heaven You're all right.

Who are you people? What do you want?

Doctor, what's wrong?

Well, he's had a Slight concussion.

His memory has become affected.

Max, it's me,

- the chief. - the chief?

Well, you don't look Like an indian to me.

- max! - please, madam, who are you?

I'm 99.

Well, you look pretty Good for your age.

Max, don't you remember me?

Yes, you are the one With the cold hands.

Max, we both work for Control. You're an agent.

An agent?

That's funny.

I always wanted to Be a radio announcer.

Chief: max, this is important,

Try to remember.

We were talking on The phone last night.

You were telling me about a Plot to kill our space scientists.

Did you call the police?

Doctor, we must Have this information.

Isn't there Something you can do?

I'm afraid not. These Things take time.

Chief, maybe when we get max back to Headquarters he'll start to remember.

- remember what? - it's our only hope.

Doctor, we've got To take him with us.

All right, if it is Absolutely necessary,

But I insist that he take one Of these pills every hour.

One pill every hour. What are they, doctor?

It's a new drug Essential to his recovery.

Now, if he fails to take just One at the prescribed time

His loss of memory Could become permanent.

Oh, he'll remember. Won't you, max?

of course I'll remember.

You're the chief, you're 99 and you're the doctor.

No, max, she's 99, he's the Doctor and I'm the chief.

Oh, well, I may not remember Names, but I never forget a face.

Come on, max.

Think, max, think!

I am thinking. I'm Trying to think,

I just can't seem to get My thoughts in focus.

Well, let's go Over it all again.

Now the last thing you said to Me on the phone was that kaos

Was plotting to kill some of Our nation's top space scientists.

- I said that? - yes.

Well, then it must be true. I Wouldn't lie about a thing like that.

Max, nobody is Accusing you of lying.

We just want to know Where and how it will happen.

Try to remember, max, time is running out. - 30.

- 12:30? - yes. Does that mean anything to you?

Of course. It's lunch time.

How about some chinese food?

Maybe I'm pushing you too hard. Maybe we should go out and get a snack.

Snack?

- did you say snack? - yes.

Wait a minute. Snack, snack. I seem To remember something about...

- something about a snack truck. - what about a snack truck?

Well, kaos said that they Were gonna get this truck and...

- time for your pill, max. - hold it a second, 99.

Chief, you know what the Doctor said. If he doesn't take

This pill on time his amnesia May become permanent.

All right, but make it fast. He was just onto something.

All right, max, now what About the snack truck?

What snack truck? Who are You people? What do you want?

What am I doing here?

It's hopeless, 99. He Can't remember anything.

Maybe if I take him back to the hotel Room where he made the phone call

Maybe the familiar Surroundings will strike a chord.

Wait a minute, I've got an idea.

Why don't I go back to the Hotel room with this young lady

And maybe the familiar Surroundings will strike a chord?

He's beginning to Sound like himself, 99.

We have a little Surprise for you, max.

- a surprise? - yes, max.

Here.

The keys to your apartment?

You little tiger, you.

- max, stop that! - chief, he doesn't know what he's doing.

Max, these are keys To your new car.

- oh, my new car? - yes, it's waiting for you downstairs.

Come on, I'll show it to you.

Now notice these switches, max.

Now this one will send an Oil slick out of the tailpipe.

That's very handy in Case you're being pursued.

Now this knob will produce smoke Billows from the front or the rear

depending upon Which way you turn it.

Now this switch Controls the antenna.

Actually it's a radar device Which projects an image

Here on this screen. How do you like it?

Oh, that's great, chief. And I like the accessories.

They are better than the edsel.

Max, this car has some

Fantastically clever devices.

For instance, under the hood.

What's this, chief?

It's the horn, max.

Well, that's not so clever.

Max, will you push the switch On the extreme left, please?

it's a high-velocity .50-caliber machine gun, max.

- now over here... - what's this?

That's the trigger, max.

Sorry about that, chief.

Lower the machine gun, will you?

Now in case you Should have a passenger

And it turned out To be a kaos agent,

Do this.

Say, that's great, chief.

Why, they'll sell a Million of these cars.

Every married man in the Country will want one.

Within an hour it'll be too Late to save those scientists.

Oh, here's 99 now. You Two get over to that hotel.

All right, max, it's all yours.

Oh, well, that's Very sweet of you.

I mean, to give an expensive Present like this to me

And you a perfect stranger.

I am not a perfect stranger!

Well, you could be if you Wouldn't holler so much.

Why are we parking Behind the hotel, max?

Because if we park out front

There's always a chance of Being blocked by other cars,

And we may have To leave in a hurry.

Good thinking, max.

What do we do now, max?

Eh, yes, well, I'll just Back the car up a little

And let you out and Then I'll pull it in again.

But that's not gonna work, Max. You'll still be stuck.

Good thinking.

it's more important for you To get into that hotel room

Than it is for me. Come on, Let's climb out over the top.

Hey, you'd better Give me your hand.

- I won't fall, max. - no, but I might.

Oh, wait a minute, what About the luggage?

- what luggage? - well, don't you remember?

Every control agent has a set of Various kinds of luggage in his trunk.

- what for? - for emergencies such as this.

We can't go into a hotel lobby without Any luggage. It'll arouse suspicion.

Hmm, maybe you're right.

- okay, let's go get a suitcase. - right.

Oh, no, not that one, Max. That's full of samples.

That's for when you pose As a traveling salesman.

Well, why don't I just tell the desk Clerk that I'm a traveling salesman?

How would you explain me?

I could say that you were The farmer's daughter.

Use the honeymoon kit, max.

The honeymoon kit?

Sure. We used it before And it worked just fine.

Oh, really, you and I? Together we used it?

Oh, max, don't tell me you Don't remember that either.

No, I don't.

Remember, max, When we get inside

If they ask if we're Married, I'm mrs. Smart.

Right. Who am I?

- mr. Smart. - good.

It worked out perfectly.

Max, wait! Cradlemeyer, The kaos agent is out front.

We can't let him see us.

Wait a minute, 99.

That looks like a hall window.

Now if I could just Get in that window...

But how can you, max? We don't have a ladder.

Hmm... I've got it!

The ejector seat.

What are you gonna do, max?

I'm gonna put myself Into this ejector seat

And then you're Gonna push that button

And shoot me up to that window.

Well, what about me?

Well, once I get up there I'll find a rope someplace,

Lower it down and pull you up.

Are you sure this is gonna work?

Don't worry. Once I'm up there I'll grab that window ledge.

It can't miss. Go ahead, Press the button.

- okay, let's go. - where to, max?

The hospital. I think I just Broke every bone in my body.

Max, look, there's Cradlemeyer. He's leaving.

Good. Let's drive around And go in the front way.

Well, according to the register, This is the room you occupied, max.

Does anything ring a bell?

- yes, but I find that hard to believe. - what, max?

Well, that I would stay in Such a cheap crummy room.

Why, there isn't even A television set here.

Max, you were here Because you uncovered

A kaos plot to kill Our top scientists.

Don't you remember anything?

I don't know what's the matter with Me. I used to have such a brilliant mind...

Quick and incisive. Now I can Barely remember my own name.

- think, max, think. - max, that's it, that's my name.

Max, maybe if you could retrace

All of the events leading Up to the phone call,

Then maybe you could remember.

- you think so? - mm-hmm.

Well, it's worth a try.

Now let me see...

- I remember coming into the room. - good.

- I was with a bellboy. - right.

I remember because I asked him to Open the windows, fluff up the pillows,

Get me some clean towels And a pitcher of ice water.

- then I gave him a dime. - what did he say?

You don't remember?

Well, yes, I remember, but I'm ashamed to repeat it.

Max, keep trying to remember the Events leading up to the phone call.

Phone call?

Yes, what were you doing Exactly before you made the call?

What was I doing? Let me See now... What was I doing?

Wait a minute. Wait A minute, I remember.

I was listening Against this wall.

Good, max, keep going.

I had my electronic bug in My pocket, and I took it out,

And I placed it against This wall, just about here.

And what did you hear?

Well I think the couple in the next Room were having a terrible fight.

No, max, there was no Couple in the next room.

- that was schnell and petroff. - schnell and...

Schnell and petroff, of course.

And cradlemeyer, now I remember.

They were hatching a plot, a plot To kill some of our top scientists.

What are they gonna do, max?

The snack truck. The snack truck.

They're gonna rig a bomb on A snack truck and blow it up!

Of course.

The old bomb- In-a-snack-truck trick. That's it.

Where are they gonna do it, max?

Uh, let's see, this afternoon.

This afternoon at 2:15 at...

- it's 1:30. - no, 2:15.

No, max, it's 1:30. It's Time for your pill.

- oh. - here.

Thank you, I'm glad You remembered.

Okay, max, now where? Where is this going to happen?

Where is what going to happen?

The snack truck!

Oh, is the snack truck Here? Good. I'm starving.

I'll have a ham and cheese Sandwich. How about you?

Oh, max! Our top scientists are Gonna be blown up by a snack truck.

We have less than an hour left.

An hour? My watch Must have stopped.

No, max, that's not your watch. That's your wrist recorder.

Wait a minute. Did you Have this on last night?

Well, I must have. I don't Remember taking it of.

Oh, let's hope you Had it turned on.

Schnell: what I'm About to tell you

is one of the Most sinister plots

that kaos has ever Devised against america.

That's schnell!

You were recording While you were listening.

a group of america's Top space scientists

will be blown to smithereens.

Petroff: but schnell, Jet space labs...

Come on, max, I'll call The chief on the way.

99, wait a minute.

What is it?

There's someone in the hall. We may have been followed.

Is it kaos?

It's worse. It's the House detective.

Schnell: thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot, everybody. Enjoy your snacks.

I'll see you tomorrow. Keep those missiles flying.

Petroff.

Obviously, smart's Amnesia is working.

We couldn't have gone this Far if control knew the plan.

You're right. I think we Can proceed with safety.

After the bomb explodes,

In the excitement we Will go out the front gate.

Cradlemeyer will be Waiting for us in the car.

Schnell, look, the scientists.

- they're coming. - quick, petroff,

Set the timer and Get out of here.

- it's set to go off. - all right, let's go.

Stand back! Get Away from that truck!

Take cover! Protect yourselves!

Max, look, they Are stealing a jeep.

Now they won't get far.

This is maxwell smart. This is maxwell smart.

Attention all gates! This is a code 10!

Repeat, a code 10!

Quick, petroff, we'll Go the other way.

There they are!

- quick, open the gate! - do you have a pass?

Here, I'm with control. Take a look at this.

Oh, I'll open it right away.

Max, there they are!

Head for the south end Of the camp. There's a wall.

We'll scale it and escape.

Schnell, they're gaining on us!

I will take care of them.

They're shooting, max!

Not only that, but They are speeding!

I'll give them a blast With the machine gun.

No, max, that's the radio.

Radio? What's a radio Doing in the radio?

It must be that Button on the right.

Are you sure you're right?

Positive. Push it!

99, you pushed the wrong Button. That's the smoke screen!

Max, the smoke! I can't see!

That's funny, I'm having The same trouble on my side.

Good work, max. You Forced them to crash.

All right, schnell, petroff, Get out of there, come on.

Max!

Well, chief, you Got here just in time.

Here they are, and we've got 'em all the way down the line.

You can throw the book At them... Murder, espionage

And dispensing food Without a license.

All right, larrabee, you and 99 Take 'em down to headquarters.

Right, chief. All right, Let's go. Move out.

We got cradlemeyer Outside of the gate.

Are you all right? I got Here as soon as I could.

Yes, I'm fine, chief, But you look terrible.

Here, you'd better sit Down and take a rest.

We went 90 miles An hour all the way.

Well, that's too fast For a man your age, chief,

Especially without a hat.

You're right, I... I Guess I overdid it.

You just take it easy, chief, and I'll drive you down to headquarters.

- feel like a cigarette? - oh, that's very thoughtful of you, max.

- light? - yeah.

Oh boy, is he gonna tell me off.

As soon as he comes to.