All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S02E19.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM_iris1 (1)

( exotic music playing )

This is the prince's suite, Max.

Boy, he must be driving
the house detective crazy.

Max, they're his wives.

Sure, Chief.

Prince Abu Ben Bubi,
this is Agent 86.

Be seated.

I'm assigning him
to security duty here at the suite.

86, your job is
to protect the lives

of the prince
and his wives.

- 86!
- Huh? Oh, yes, Chief, right.

Uh, tell me,
Your Highness,

how many wives
do you have?

33...

going on 34.

Just met
a nice girl recently.

- We're going steady.
- How do you support them?

Max, Prince Bubi
is a very wealthy man.

His country produces more oil
than any nation in the world.

Well, it had better.
After all, he's got a 33-car family.

Max, there are certain factions
in the prince's government

that would like to break his
oil contract with the United States

and turn it over to iron curtain
countries instead.

That will never happen.
Not while I'm alive!

Well, if you will
excuse me, gentlemen,

I must prepare for lunch.

Max, I hope you realize how important
it is to keep the prince alive.

I certainly do, Chief,
and the first thing we have to do

- is to get him away from his wives.
- Why?

Well, with all that fanning
he could catch pneumonia!

Max, there are
only 18 hours left

before the prince
returns home.

I'm placing this suite
on blue alert--

extreme emergency
conditions!

I don't think you have
to worry, Chief. After all,

there were two attempts
on the prince's life

and both of them failed.

Max, KAOS must succeed
in killing the prince

while he's visiting
our country.

Then they'll be able to turn
his people against us

so they'll sanction the breaking
of the oil contract.

Now if the United States
ever loses that oil--

Don't worry, Chief.
If that happens,

- we can always depend on Herbie.
- Who's Herbie?

Herbie is a friend of mine
who owns a gas station.

He's got a lot of oil.

See if Agent 13 is at his post.
I'll call headquarters.

Right, Chief.

13? 13.

13, are you there?

No, I'm out on my pony
playing polo.

Of course I'm here.

Look, I know you've
got a lonely job, 13,

but there's no need
to be so sarcastic about it.

Well, it does have
its compensations--

the other side of this chimney
opens at the Harem girls' suite.

Listen, 13, if you're
feeling a little cooped up

- and you would like to be released...
- ( knock on door )

- Chief: Cover me, Max.
- Right, Chief. I'll see you later.

It's all right, Max.
It's room service.

Just put it on the table
over there, please.

That's the prince's lunch, Max.
I think you'd better taste it.

No, thanks, Chief.
I've already had lunch.

All food should be checked out
before the prince eats them.

There's always a possibility
of poisoning. Now taste it.

Hmm, smells delicious.
What is it?

Camel's ears
boiled in goat's milk.

- Now taste the coffee.
- Hmm?

- ( gulps )
- Taste the coffee.

No, thanks, Chief. I don't drink coffee.
It keeps me awake.

Taste it, Max!
That's an order.

Wait a minute, Chief.
What if this coffee is poisoned?

Then it won't
keep you awake.

- Well?
- ( coughs )

- What's the matter?
- Needs a little sugar.

Max, I have to go to my post.
Now remember, I'll be sitting in my car

parked downstairs
right outside that window.

- If anything happens, signal me.
- Right, Chief.

Here.
Your tip is on there.

( Max knocks )
Prince, your lunch is ready.

Right this way,
Your Highness.

Well, you'll see what
we have for you today.

- ( sighs )
- There you are, Bubi.

Ahhh...
what is it?

Ears of a camel
boiled in goat's milk.

Terrific.

Certainly is
a noisy candle.

Yes, sounds more like
a fuse than--

- What is it?
- Dynamite. Hold it.

( explodes )

Sorry about that, Chief.

( theme music playing )

Well, that's a good thing
that you weren't in the car

when the dynamite hit, Chief.

I would have been if I hadn't
stopped on my way out to get

a pack of cigarettes.
So cigarettes saved my life.

And they say smoking
is bad for you.

Max, we've learned that
one of the prince's wives

- is a KAOS agent.
- Which one?

We don't know.
It could be the tall exotic one,

it could be the short
voluptuous one, it could be--

I'll check them all out
immediately, Chief.

Max, he has 33 wives.

So it will take a little time.

- ( intercom buzzes )
- Yes?

- Man: She's here, Chief.
- Send her in.

That looks wonderful.
Turn around.

- Excellent. What do you think, Max?
- Well, it's very nice,

- but will your wife wear it?
- Oh, Max,

it's not for his wife,
it's for me.

99! You oughta be
ashamed of yourself

walking around
in public like that.

Max, it's a disguise.
That's 99's job.

I'm assigning her to pose
as one of the Harem girls

to find which one
is a KAOS agent.

You can go, 99,
but remember--

as soon as you're sure which one
of the wives is a KAOS agent,

do nothing but
watch her closely.

She's probably only
an inside contact.

Right, Chief. Then when she contacts
the assassin, we'll be ready for him

- when he strikes.
- Exactly.

I better be going, Chief.
Anything else?

- No.
- Max: Yes!

One more thing, 99-- as soon
as you get in that Harem Suite,

I want you to take the blanket
off the bed immediately!

- What do I do with it, Max?
- Hang it over the fireplace.

- Max! Go on, 99, and good luck.
- Thanks, Chief.

Now, Max, the Pentagon
has just informed us

that we are to have
international help on this case.

- Oh, really? From what country?
- Israel.

Israel?! Israel is going to save
the life of an Arab prince?

Israel has excellent relations
with prince Abu Ben Bubi's nation.

It's vital to the Israeli government
that no harm comes to the prince.

What kind of help are
they gonna give us?

Well, they have
an espionage unit

comparable to our own
CONTROL organization.

- It's one of the finest in the world.
- What's it called?

"Your Espionage Network
and Training Academy."

It's referred to by
its initials, Y-E-N-T-A.

- YENTA.
- YENTA?

They know everything
that's going on everywhere.

They're a small organization,

but they've assigned
their top man to the case.

- Who is he?
- Hmm?

- The man from YENTA?
- Agent 498.

- ( horn blows )
- That's the international hotline.

- That may be YENTA calling.
- ( blowing continues )

CONTROL speaking.
Yes, go ahead, YENTA.

Mm-hmm.
I was afraid of that.

Right, I'll have Agent 86
meet him at the airport.

That's quite all right.
I understand. Goodbye.

What's the matter, Chief?
Bad news?

- Le Moco.
- Le Moco?

He's KAOS's top assassin.

He's been given the assignment
of killing the prince.

I'll be ready
for him, Chief.

Max, Le Moco is
no ordinary assassin.

He's fiendishly
unpredictable

and a master of disguise
and voice impersonation.

In 27 assignments
he has never failed yet.

That's quite a record.

His parents must be
very proud of him.

He doesn't have
any parents, Max.

They were his first
assignment.

Le Moco was seen
at the airport in Algiers

where he booked passage
on a plane to Washington.

Was 498 on
the same plane with him?

No, Le Moco would've
recognized him.

498 is flying here now
from Tel Aviv.

He'll arrive in Washington
10 minutes before Le Moco does.

You'll meet 498
at the airport

and he'll point out Le Moco
when his plane lands.

- You'll take Le Moco into custody.
- Right, Chief.

Now, you'll use the fountain pen
signal to identify yourself.

Pretend your pen isn't working,
and 498 will identify himself

- by offering you his pen.
- Got you, Chief.

Uh, Chief, what time
does 498's plane arrive?

In exactly 15 minutes.

15 minutes?!

Why did YENTA wait
so long to call?

They work on a limited
budget, Max.

They have to wait until after 6:00
for the long distance rates to change.

Lucky they didn't
drop us a postcard.

Here, try mine.

That's a beautiful pen
you have there.

- 498?
- No, $1.19.

I buy them by the gross and give
them away for bar mitzvahs.

- Agent 498?
- Who else?

- Maxwell Smart?
- Yes.

- When is Le Moco due?
- Wait a minute,

aren't you gonna ask,
"How was your flight?"

All right.
How was your flight?

Don't ask.

Man over P.A.:
Attention, please. Algerian Airlines

flight 5 from Algiers
now arriving gate 1.

- That's Le Moco's flight.
- Wait a minute.

Here's what we do--
we go over to customs

and check out every passenger
that comes through.

You'll point out
Le Moco. I'll get him,

you cover me.

What are you gonna do?
I'll use my "shh."

- What's a "shh"?
- It's what you call a silencer.

- Well, that's the last of them.
- It checks out--

there were 65 people aboard,
he's the 65th one

- through customs.
- Wonderful.

So where is Le Moco?

He must have slipped through
without our noticing him.

Am I gonna
get it for this!

Le Moco loose in the city--
the prince is a sitting duck!

Come on, my car is
right outside.

We'd better get back
to headquarters immediately.

I'll be right with you.
I have to call Tel Aviv.

- Tel Aviv? Now?
- I promised my mother I'd call her

the minute I arrived.
She worries.

This is Le Moco.

I have arrived undetected.

( exotic music playing )

( music stops )

Max, you oughta
be ashamed of yourself!

Why, 99?
I'm just doing my job.

You don't have
to do it so well.

Can I help it
if I love my work?

- Besides, it's part of my plan.
- What plan?

Well, I don't have it
all worked out yet.

But I'm trying to find out which one
of the wives is the KAOS agent.

How are you going to accomplish
that by kissing them?

Well, that's the part
I haven't worked out yet.

Listen, I already have an idea
of which one is the KAOS agent.

I'm just waiting for her
to make her move.

Well, you better get back inside
and keep your eye on her.

As Your Highness wishes.

Would Your Highness like
his water pipe filled?

Forget it, I've already smoked
three gallons today.

Max, you've got
to be careful.

Le Moco is going to be here any minute
and he's going to mistake you

- for the prince.
- That's exactly our plan, 99.

While Agent 498 is back at my
apartment guarding Abu Ben Bubi,

I'll be here waiting for Le Moco
and catch him red-handed

trying to assassinate
the prince.

Max, you're so brave.
You're going to get a medal for this.

There's something more
important than medals, 99.

- What?
- It's after 6:00.

I get overtime.

13?

Say, 13, that's
a great disguise.

What disguise?
I'm on fire.

Listen, 13, will you please
stop with your petty complaints?

This is an important case!

- Now, have you got anything to report?
- Yeah, yeah.

Just when I pinpointed which
Harem girl was the KAOS agent,

she lit a fire in the fireplace,
and 99 hung a blanket over it.

- What did she look like?
- Well, she was about the same height

as 99, same hair,
same figure as 99.

- There was one slight difference.
- What was that?

She had a match
in her hand.

- Thanks a lot, 13.
- ( footsteps approaching )

( knock on door )

- Who is it?
- Male voice: It's the maid.

Hello, operator?
This is Maxwell Smart,

Secret Agent 86. Get me
CONTROL headquarters immediately.

- Chief: Hello?
- Hello, Chief? This is Max.

- What is it, Max?
- Listen, Chief,

I'm gonna need some help.
Three assassins just tried to kill me.

- What happened?
- I've got all three of them, Chief.

Oh, good. If there's
any more trouble,

I've assigned agents 24,
25 and 26 to help you.

Good. Where are they?

24 is in the hall closet,
25 is a window washer

and 26 is disguised
as a maid.

Do you think you know
how to contact them?

Well, I'm not sure, Chief,
but I think a medium might help.

Max, you didn't!

You couldn't, you wouldn't!

Don't get excited, Chief.

I think the maid has a 50-50
chance to pull through.

Hold it, Chief.

- Did you send anybody else?
- I hope not.

( clangs )

Boy, am I glad I wore
this instead of my sweater.

( clangs )

99!

99, our plan
worked perfectly!

Le Moco just left here
thinking he killed the prince,

but the prince is still safely
stashed away in my apartment.

Has that girl
made a move yet?

Good. Now we've still got
to capture Le Moco.

He should be contacting
her any minute.

You better get back inside
and keep an eye on her.

( whispers )
Psst, Max.

- What is it now, 99?
- What did she say?

- What did who say?
- The girl you were just talking to?

She didn't say anything.
I did all the talking.

Oh! Oh, 99, don't tell me
that wasn't you.

Me, Max? I've been
watching that girl.

Then I saw her come out
and talk to you.

- What's wrong?
- What's wrong? What's wrong?!

Nothing is wrong, except
that I told her the whole plan--

the whole plan to the wrong girl!
I thought it was you!

Oh, Max, what are
we gonna do now?

She's probably contacting
Le Moco right this minute.

That means that
Le Moco will know

that the prince is still alive
and in my apartment.

I gotta get over
there right away.

- You get back inside and hold her.
- Right, Max.

I actually don't think

I could tell us
apart myself.

Should Le Moco learn
of our plan and come here,

he'd never expect
to find two princes.

I am most fortunate

to have a man as capable
as you to guard me.

Le Moco is a vicious killer!

He might try to shoot me,

to stab me, to poison me.

But the important thing
is you should live and be well.

- ( knock on door )
- I'll see who it is.

- Who's there?
- It's me, Maxwell Smart.

- What are you doing here, Maxie?
- Le Moco is wise to us.

I'm to take the prince away
from here immediately.

Let's go. Prince?

But first we must call
your CONTROL headquarters

and let them know that you got
here before Le Moco did.

( Le Moco's voice )
Don't touch that phone.

So you are not
Maxwell Smart.

Tsk, there's only one man
who could master a voice

so perfectly--
Le Moco.

At your service.

( chuckles )
Well, Le Moco, the joke's on you.

You don't know which of us
is the prince and which isn't.

That's true.

So I will have
to kill you both.

Well, we never figured on that
one, did we, Prince?

Adieu, gentlemen.
( cocks gun )

Prince!
Your Highness!

Hello, Bubi.

Wait a minute, there's something
definitely wrong here.

One of those two men is Le Moco!
Quick, give me the gun!

Don't do it.
He's Le Moco.

- Who are you?
- I'm Prince Abu Ben Bubi.

How do I know
you're not Le Moco?

You can believe him, Smart.

- And who are you?
- I'm Agent 498.

Oh, no, you're not.
I just left agent 498 a few hours ago

and he hadn't even
started to grow a beard.

Well, we know you're
Maxwell Smart.

Don't confuse me.

( Max's voice ) How do you know
that I'm not Maxwell Smart?

Hey, that's very good.

What other
impressions do you do?

Hold it right there!

Get up.
Drop the gun.

Wait a minute, what is this?
Max, which one is you?

- Right here, Chief.
- Right here, Chief.

- Right here, Chief.
- No, he's Le Moco. I'm Max.

Don't fall for that, Chief.
I'm Max.

- I'm the prince.
- I'm hungry.

Quiet, all of you. One of you is
Le Moco-- which one is it?

- Not me.
- Not me.

- Not me.
- Not me.

All right, which one
is the prince?

- I am the prince.
- I am the prince.

- No, he's the prince.
- No, he's the prince.

Hold it!

Now, what was
your question again?

Max, come here.

- Now, which one is the prince?
- Eh...

I'm not sure, Chief,
but there's one way to find out.

- How?
- Number one, what's your name?

My name is Prince
Abu Ben Bubi.

Max: Number two,
what's your name?

My name is Prince
Abu Ben Bubi.

- Number three--
- Hmm, hmm...

- How many wives do you have?
- Max, stop it!

There's only one way
to find out who is really the prince.

Right, Chief. Will the real
Prince Abu Ben Bubi

- step forward?
- No, Max,

the real prince is the one
with the real beard!

I'll start with number one.

( grunts )

Max! Max,
where are you?

Right here, Chief. That's Le Moco
on the ground. Tear off his beard.

That's Le Moco,
all right.

Good shooting, Max.
You got him.

- Get him a glass of water.
- He's dead,

- it wouldn't help.
- It wouldn't hurt.

- Max, are you all right?
- That's not Max, 99.

- Oh! Oh, Max.
- ( moans )

- 99, that's not Max, either.
- Oh!

- Max!
- ( moans )

99, Max is over there.

- Oh, Max, are you all right?
- Yes, I'm fine, 99.

Max, you amaze me.
Le Moco's makeup

and voice impersonations
were perfect.

You had to get off
that shot in a split second.

How did you know it was Le Moco
and not really the prince?

Well, it was really
quite simple, Chief.

You see, number one looked
too much like the prince

to really be the prince.

Number three didn't know
how many wives he had.

So I picked number two.

Well, with all that rolling
and scuffling around,

How did you know that number two
was number two?

- Huh?
- How did you know it was number two?

Oh, well, that was
just a lucky guess.

Goodbye, 498.
I've enjoyed working with you.

Oh, likewise,
I'm sure, 99.

And you, Smart--
I feel towards you

like I feel towards
my own brother-in-law.

- Brother.
- No, brother-in-law.

I don't talk to my brother.

- Goodbye, 498.
- Goodbye, Chief.

And if any of you
ever get to my country,

be sure and give me a call.
I'll be happy to show you around.

You can reach me
at that number.

Oscar's Delicatessen.

Say, that's a great idea,
using a delicatessen for a front.

What front?
That's the business we're in.

We only do spy work
during our slack season.

Ooh, well, I'll miss
my flight, gotta run.

Goodbye and good luck.

Well, that's one
more case closed.

Sometimes I wonder
what it's all for--

all the destruction,
killing, murdering.

Well, as 498
would say,

it's a living.

( theme music playing )