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1
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,894
Quiet, 99.
2
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,963
One false move and
We're dead agents.
3
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,764
We're a little
Behind schedule, max.
4
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:25,101
The kaos patrol is due in
Exactly one minute and 45 seconds.
5
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:28,138
Right. You check the explosives.
I'll open the sealed orders.
6
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,322
Right.
7
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,109
99, I can't break the seal.
8
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,313
Tear open the side of the
Envelope, max. There's no wax there.
9
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,415
Are you kidding?
You can't do that, 99.
10
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,485
That's why they put wax on the
Seal. So that you'll break it open.
11
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:43,853
Max, hurry, we're
Running out of time.
12
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,957
You know something, 99? If we
Ever get back from this mission alive,
13
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:49,325
I'm going to put that in the
Control suggestion box.
14
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:51,294
- it's a great idea.
- what idea?
15
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,897
About putting wax all around
The ends of the envelope.
16
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:57,133
That way you can tear it open
Anywhere and still break the seal.
17
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,469
- give me your nail file, 99.
- oh, right, max.
18
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,493
Here.
19
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,472
I know it's in here somewhere.
20
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,386
Hurry, max. Only
40 seconds left.
21
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,056
99, I've lost the nail file.
22
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,813
Oh no.
23
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:27,030
- ah, that did it.
- you got it open.
24
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:28,598
No, I broke my fingernail.
25
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,433
Now I'll have to
Find the nail file.
26
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:33,202
We can't, max. There's not
Time... Only 20 seconds left.
27
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,405
How many packets of
Explosives do we have?
28
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,907
- uh, two.
- good.
29
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,076
I'll use one of them to
Blow open the envelope.
30
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,580
What is it?
31
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:47,083
Sounds like a
Yellow-bellied sapsucker.
32
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,918
On the other hand it could be
33
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,042
A giant toothless cockatoo.
34
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,819
Max!
35
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,297
All right, get up.
36
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,898
That will be all, larrabee.
37
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,800
Max, this was only
A training exercise.
38
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:13,303
Tomorrow you're supposed
To go on the real mission.
39
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,972
- I'm ready, chief.
- you're ready? You just got killed!
40
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:19,498
I said I was ready. I
Didn't say I was perfect.
41
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,747
Don't worry about opening
Those sealed orders, max.
42
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,282
It was just a training session.
43
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,784
The mission will go ahead
Tonight as scheduled, sir.
44
00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:29,852
Right.
45
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,489
Thank you for
Wishing us luck, sir.
46
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,793
We'll need it.
47
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,726
Max, never mind
About the envelope.
48
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,661
I'll fill you in personally.
49
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:41,964
Tonight's mission depends
On a split-second timetable.
50
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,866
It certainly is
Top secret, chief.
51
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,835
We don't even know
What the objective is.
52
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,570
We wanted to
Avoid security leaks.
53
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:51,041
A number of commercial
Cargo ships have been hijacked
54
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,009
- over the past six months.
- kaos?
55
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:57,414
Yes. They've been committing piracy
On the high seas using submarines.
56
00:03:57,438 --> 00:04:00,716
We've discovered their base on an
Island not far from our coastline.
57
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:04,054
The key to the entire
Piracy operation
58
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,756
Is a master computer
Located here.
59
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,125
It evaluates shipping data,
Cargoes, tides, currents,
60
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:12,962
And fixes the point of
Interception by the kaos submarine.
61
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,798
- then the computer is our objective.
- correct.
62
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:18,000
Our submarine will
Take you to the island.
63
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,936
You'll have to slip
Past the kaos guards,
64
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,038
work your way through
A network of land mines
65
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,973
There,
66
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,942
Get to the computer
And destroy it.
67
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,309
I like that plan, chief.
68
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,212
It's inventive, imaginative
And brilliantly thought out.
69
00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:32,314
Max, it sounds like a
Suicide mission to me.
70
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:35,585
Well, of course it's a
Suicide mission, 99. So what?
71
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,676
Our next mission will be easier.
72
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:44,460
After the mission you'll have to signal
Our sub where and when to pick you up.
73
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,463
There are powerful blinker
Lights built into those earrings.
74
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,732
Very clever, professor carlson.
75
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:52,602
Then if we get caught
76
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,592
No one will suspect a thing.
77
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,374
Maybe I should wear
The earrings, max.
78
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,877
Oh? Oh, right, 99.
79
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,246
They'll probably look
Better on you anyway.
80
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,116
Professor carlson has
Another signaling device for you.
81
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:09,485
Now this looks like an
Ordinary fountain pen.
82
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:13,522
I see. And you just press
This lever to activate it.
83
00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:16,159
- max!
- what am I supposed to do,
84
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,861
Write the signal
Message on my shirt?
85
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,630
No, you press this button
86
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,167
And the pen becomes
A blinker light.
87
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,470
99, you stay here with professor
Carlson and draw the special equipment.
88
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,195
Max, you come with me for
The rendezvous briefing.
89
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,778
Hello, gentlemen.
I'm sorry we're late.
90
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,345
This is maxwell smart, agent 86.
91
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,915
Max, this is admiral nelson
Of the submarine command,
92
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,817
Admiral jones from
Destroyer command.
93
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,285
- smart.
- gentlemen.
94
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,453
- shall we get right to the briefing?
- right.
95
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:47,824
Smart, you'll be proceeding from
The mainland at precisely 2100 hours.
96
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,260
The submarine will proceed
Southeast to this point...
97
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:53,329
35° latitude, 68° longitude.
98
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:57,167
36° latitude, 67° longitude.
99
00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,804
35° latitude, 68° longitude.
100
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,406
You will rendezvous there
With one of his destroyers.
101
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,808
Two destroyers.
102
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,542
two? I thought we agreed on one.
103
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,377
I felt two would be safer.
104
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,813
All right. I'll just match
That with another sub.
105
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:14,205
That calls for four
More destroyers, john.
106
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,687
You're starting again, horatio.
107
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,757
I'll just call those
Four destroyers
108
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:24,615
And raise you four submarines.
109
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,964
You're bluffing.
110
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,233
Horatio, if you have any guts
We'll make this a real rendezvous.
111
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,977
- no limit.
- you're on!
112
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:41,243
Well, chief, this looks like
It's gonna be a long session.
113
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:44,647
I think we'd better send out
For some sandwiches and coffee
114
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,671
And more ships.
115
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:58,327
- welcome aboard, agent smart.
- why thank you, skipper.
116
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,096
We'll be shoving
Off in a few minutes.
117
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:08,237
Belay that! Sorry, the men aren't
Accustomed to having a pretty face onboard.
118
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,674
If they like me, wait
Till they get a load of 99.
119
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:13,331
This way, mr. Smart.
120
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:26,021
My apologies for your quarters,
Smart, but we're short on space.
121
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:29,592
Agent 99 will be using my quarters
And I'll bunk with the executive officer.
122
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:30,926
Right, skipper.
123
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,862
Want to check out the
Special equipment, max?
124
00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:35,864
No, I think I'll just
Rest for a while, 99.
125
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,967
You go ahead and
Do the briefing.
126
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,137
We have two z-139
Land mine detectors...
127
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,206
Two z-139s.
128
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:47,176
And we have five packets of
E-18 plastic explosives and fuses.
129
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,911
Five packets, gotcha.
130
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,902
And one tx-7 long-range
Explosive launcher.
131
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:58,976
Listen, 99, why don't you rest
For a while and I'll do the briefing?
132
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,794
This is the spot, mr. Smart.
133
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,619
We're ready to put
You ashore now.
134
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,337
Max, this looks
Like a tough one.
135
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,606
Chances are we're not
Going to come back alive.
136
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,443
In case we don't, isn't there
Anything you'd like to say?
137
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:23,579
Yes, 99. As long as I have
To go on a suicide mission,
138
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,470
I'm glad it's with you.
139
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:45,067
Right on the nose, 99. Now we've got
Two minutes to get past the guards,
140
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,603
Four minutes to work our
Way through the land mines,
141
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,405
Find the kaos
Computer and blow it up.
142
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:59,070
This may put us a
Little behind schedule.
143
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,997
We're sunk, max. We'll never
Complete the mission now.
144
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,765
Maybe not, 99. I've got a plan.
145
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:19,168
Get ready to hit the
Dirt when I say now.
146
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:22,371
Oh, pardon me, but isn't
Your hand grenade loose?
147
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,115
No it isn't. It's
Perfectly tight.
148
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,681
They must have heard
The explosion, max.
149
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,182
Yes. In a few minutes
150
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,852
There'll be kaos agents
Swarming all over this place.
151
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,036
Come on, 99, let's
Get out of here.
152
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:43,926
Quick, max, only three minutes to
Find the computer and blow it up!
153
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,117
Here, take this,
99. I'll get the gun.
154
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:52,101
Hold it, 99! We can't go
Through those bushes.
155
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:55,705
It's a minefield. Why, any one of these
Berries could blow us to smithereens.
156
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,406
Even that log, max?
157
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,441
not the log, 99,
158
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,712
But our fine feathered
Friend the bird bomb!
159
00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:05,214
Can you deactivate it?
160
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:08,117
Yes.
161
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,187
All I have to do...
162
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,456
Is pluck it!
163
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,458
Quick, max. We're
Behind schedule.
164
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:18,561
We'll have to set up here and see
If we can find the computer by map.
165
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,145
- put her down there, 99.
- right.
166
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:35,677
Now let's see...
78° longitude west,
167
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:38,347
35° latitude east.
168
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,916
99, this isn't gonna work.
169
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:43,485
- why not, max?
- this is a map of san francisco.
170
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,955
Max, you can see the
Computer right through there.
171
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:49,892
Right, perfect. It's
About a 300-yards range.
172
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,493
- load her up, 99.
- right, max!
173
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:52,962
Okay, max,
174
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,631
Fire!
175
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,857
Direct hit, max, right on the
Computer building! Quick, light the fuse.
176
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,760
Hurry, max, hurry.
177
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,875
You got another match, 99?
178
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,766
- why?
- I lit my shoelace.
179
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,503
Good. Signal the sub.
180
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,241
There's a submarine
Surfacing, max.
181
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:20,489
And there goes the computer.
182
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,673
Come on, 99, let's
Get out of here.
183
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:32,590
Everything went
Perfectly, from a to z.
184
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,539
Would you believe a to b?
185
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:40,075
Welcome aboard.
Weapons, please. Hands up!
186
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:41,577
Siegfried!
187
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,979
99, I have a feeling we're
On the wrong submarine.
188
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:47,349
We meet again, maxwell smart.
189
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:54,390
- there goes my shoe phone again.
- I counted on that.
190
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,459
Take her down to
Periscope depth.
191
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,628
- how did you pick us up?
- simple.
192
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:01,063
I read your blinker signal.
193
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:04,167
Siegfried, don't you
Know it's not nice to read
194
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,135
Somebody else's blinker signal?
195
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:09,705
As you go through the
World of espionage, smart,
196
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:13,709
You will find there are the
Good guys and the bad guys.
197
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,878
I happen to be one
Of the bad guys.
198
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,980
There's a u.S. Destroyer
Out there that can
199
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,115
Blow this submarine
Right out of the water.
200
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,084
No, it will not, miss 99.
201
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:23,919
We will pass through unharmed.
202
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,521
What makes you think so?
203
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:29,692
Because I have informed your chief
That you are in the hands of kaos.
204
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:32,461
He would surely not give the
Order to sink this submarine
205
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,297
Or you would also be killed.
206
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,032
Mmm! He is too loyal.
207
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,601
Don't be too sure
About that, siegfried.
208
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:42,871
Our chief can be just as
Disloyal as anyone else.
209
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:45,641
I do not believe that... und...
210
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:49,945
Before we slip out of here I
Am going to take my revenge
211
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:53,782
- on control for blowing up our computer.
- max: how?
212
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:58,387
By torpedoing that
Unsuspecting destroyer up there.
213
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:01,323
It's a sitting duck.
214
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,926
- you couldn't do that!
- oh, yes he could, 99.
215
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,861
As you go through
The world of espionage
216
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:09,431
You'll learn that some people are
Very likeable and easy to get along with.
217
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,367
And then there are
Other people who are...
218
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,869
- how does that go, siegfried?
- I'm one of the bad guys!
219
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,437
He's one of the bad guys.
220
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,528
Up periscope!
221
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,918
aha...
222
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,921
The destroyer's
Moving out of range
223
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,790
But I can still get it.
224
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:38,027
Max, we've gotta do something.
225
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:42,631
Say, siegfried, this sure is a
Nice little submarine you got here.
226
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,533
Prepare torpedo!
227
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:47,270
Would you mind if I
Took a little peek?
228
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,127
We don't peek here!
229
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,641
Come on, siegfried, if
This were my submarine
230
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,877
And you were my prisoner
I'd let you take a peek.
231
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:57,413
Yeah, and while you are peeking
232
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,715
My valuable time is wasting.
233
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,750
And by the time you
Get finished peeking
234
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,053
And by the time I get
Back to the periscope
235
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,389
The destroyer is out of range.
236
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,490
That trick is stupid!
237
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,293
That trick is dumb!
238
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,916
That trick is childish!
239
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:16,299
und...
240
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,889
The destroyer is out of range.
241
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,910
Time is growing short.
242
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:30,512
You have to make
Up your mind, chief.
243
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:34,382
If we let that kaos submarine get away
We may never get another crack at it.
244
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:37,452
If we sink it I lose
Two top agents
245
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:40,255
And my two best friends.
246
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:41,979
It's a difficult decision.
247
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,994
What's it gonna be, chief?
248
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,795
Gentlemen, I've made up my mind.
249
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,030
Both: yes?
250
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,666
I've decided to leave
The decision to you.
251
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,434
Very well, chief.
252
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,738
- I say sink the sub.
- I say we don't.
253
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:59,642
That makes a tie. You'll have
To cast the deciding vote, chief.
254
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,811
I cannot let friendship
Affect my judgment.
255
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,413
Sink the sub.
256
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,603
Up periscope!
257
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,991
Nothing... Nothing...
258
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,460
Nothing...
259
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:22,464
Nothing... Six destroyers...
260
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:25,134
Nothing...
261
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:28,070
Six destroyers headed
Right for our position?!
262
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,072
You'd better
Surrender, siegfried.
263
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,107
- never!
- you mind if we do?
264
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,943
Forget it, smart. We are
Going to hide on the bottom.
265
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,301
All engines ready!
266
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,517
Prepare to dive!
267
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,507
Down periscope!
268
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,656
Dive!
269
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,577
- krueger.
- ja?
270
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:11,246
What is our position?
271
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,015
We are on the bottom.
272
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:14,149
Terrific.
273
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:16,552
- listen, siegfried...
- quiet!
274
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,820
I wish to see if they
Know our position.
275
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:21,223
I want complete silence!
276
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:22,424
Shh!
277
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:25,349
You don't "Shush"
Here! I "Shush" here!
278
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:27,985
Shush!
279
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:39,930
Those destroyers have
Absolutely no idea where we are.
280
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,948
Someone just took a great guess.
281
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,449
That was close.
282
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,985
We may have to
Make a run for it.
283
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,754
What's the matter,
Siegfried, afraid to die?
284
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:55,524
Max! We're gonna die too.
285
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,427
Oh. Well, in that case
I have a suggestion.
286
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,496
- siegfried: what?
- let's make a run for it.
287
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,119
No, I think not.
288
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,774
Look, siegfried. Your men
Look like they're about to panic.
289
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:14,476
Never! My men are
Carefully trained.
290
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:18,435
They will not panic until
I give the order to panic.
291
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,807
Prepare to panic!
292
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,658
Those depth charges are
Getting closer, siegfried.
293
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,827
It's just a matter of
Minutes until they hit us.
294
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,463
My men have been
Under attack before.
295
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:39,301
We will remain in this area
For another five minutes,
296
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:42,092
Then I will execute
A counter-maneuver.
297
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,445
Listen to me, men.
Siegfried doesn't care
298
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,680
If you stay down here
And drown like rats.
299
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,815
Your only chance is
To follow me and mutiny.
300
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:56,718
Mutiny? Don't be ridiculous.
They will not mutiny.
301
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,175
Cover them!
302
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,566
Men, think of your
Wives and children.
303
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,584
dummkopfs. none
Of you are married.
304
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:11,233
Listen, are you gonna gamble
And take the one small chance
305
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,834
You've got to get
Out of here alive,
306
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,236
Or are you going to surrender
307
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,927
And be guaranteed
Life imprisonment?
308
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,342
Men, I hope you realize
309
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:23,200
A mutiny might
Affect your pensions.
310
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,705
I'm prepared to
Offer you $5,000 each.
311
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:32,888
You fools! We still have a
Chance to get out of this.
312
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,590
And in case you have forgotten,
313
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:38,115
Next week is the
Annual kaos dance!
314
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,485
$10,000.
315
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,367
I'm sorry, smart.
316
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:49,159
My men just happen to
Be crazy about dancing.
317
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,712
They're zeroing in
On you, siegfried.
318
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,436
Krueger!
319
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:07,923
What did he say, max?
320
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,825
He said to release the oil.
321
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,526
It's an old trick, 99.
322
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:14,563
When the oil gets to the surface
They think the sub has been hit.
323
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,531
But let me tell
You this, siegfried...
324
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,623
The trick is stupid!
325
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,426
The trick is dumb!
326
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,697
The trick is childish!
327
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:30,033
The trick is childish!
328
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,871
And the trick is working.
329
00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:38,109
Quickly, take these two
To the torpedo room.
330
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:45,482
You, smart, over here.
331
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,699
Load yourself into
The torpedo tube.
332
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:54,136
Just what have you
Got in mind, siegfried?
333
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,573
I think my little
Plan will amuse you.
334
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,241
Well, I certainly hope so,
335
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:02,411
Because up until now you haven't
Exactly been a barrel of laughs.
336
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:05,681
Perhaps when you
Fully understand.
337
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:10,252
I am going to fire the both of
You from the torpedo tubes.
338
00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:13,722
when the destroyers move
In to recover your bodies,
339
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:16,658
I will fire the real torpedoes.
340
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,026
Get in!
341
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:22,631
Wait a minute, siegfried.
May I have one last request?
342
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,533
Last request?
343
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,535
It's just that
Maxwell smart and I
344
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,438
Have been very dear
Friends for a long time
345
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:32,796
And I'd like to shake
His hand goodbye.
346
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:38,313
What kind of a
Last request is this?
347
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:41,316
What harm could it do? Go ahead!
348
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,851
Max, the mini t.H.!
349
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,286
- mini t.H.?
- yes, the miniature torpedo hammer.
350
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,989
There's a powerful explosive
In the head of this hammer.
351
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:51,994
One tap on the nose of this
Torpedo and we'll all be blown to bits.
352
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,895
Your gun, siegfried.
353
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:57,399
All right, now have your men drop their
Guns amd bring the sub to the surface.
354
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,167
Do as he says.
355
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:01,436
I hope you've learned
Your lesson, siegfried.
356
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:04,161
I sure have.
357
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:08,910
What did he say, max?
358
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,279
From now on,
359
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,803
No more last requests!
360
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,242
All right, siegfried, move out.
361
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:24,026
Well, siegfried, you're going
Away to prison for a long long time.
362
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:27,128
I have escaped
From prisons before
363
00:21:27,152 --> 00:21:29,497
And I shall escape
From prisons again.
364
00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,033
And max will capture you again.
365
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:34,302
- really, miss 99?
- yes, siegfried.
366
00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:36,271
As you go through
The world of espionage
367
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:39,307
You'll find out that there are
Some bad guys and some good guys.
368
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:42,778
And maxwell smart happens
To be one of the good guys.
369
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:46,615
As one bad guy to one
Good guy, I promise you
370
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:49,150
We shall meet again, smart!
371
00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:51,075
All right, siegfried, move out.
372
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:57,392
- max, tell me something.
- yes, what is it, 99?
373
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,094
If siegfried hadn't surrendered
374
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,797
Would you really have hit
The torpedo with that hammer?
375
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,699
Yes, but it wouldn't
Have done any good.
376
00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,201
You see, I happened to have
Noticed with my eagle eye
377
00:22:06,225 --> 00:22:08,637
That the firing pin on
This hammer was defective.
378
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,394
- really?
- yes, no good at all.
379
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,945
- 99, do me a favor!?
- to do what, max?
380
00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:19,169
Remind me to have
My eagle eye checked!
381
00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:31,092
- hello, chief.
- 99, max!
382
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:32,727
Am I glad to see
You. Welcome home.
383
00:22:32,751 --> 00:22:35,130
Thought we were gone
Forever, huh, chief?
384
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:38,433
Nonsense, max. I have all the
Confidence in the world in you.
385
00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:41,136
Oh really? Then
Perhaps you can explain
386
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,139
Why a stranger's car
Is in my parking place
387
00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:46,875
And someone else's gym
Shoes are in my locker.
388
00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:50,345
It's only temporary, max. I knew
You'd be gone for at least a week.
389
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,547
Are you sure, chief?
390
00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:53,682
Of course, max.
391
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:54,716
Yes?
392
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:56,552
Hobson: agent
86 to see you, sir.
393
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:59,388
Uh, haven't you made some
Sort of mistake, hobson?
394
00:22:59,412 --> 00:23:02,880
no, sir, you reassigned
That number last week.
395
00:23:04,816 --> 00:23:07,963
- I'm sorry, max.
- it's okay, chief. I'm expendable.
396
00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:10,732
- I'll make it up to you, max.
- a raise?
397
00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:12,234
No, we're over budget.
398
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:13,501
A vacation?
399
00:23:13,525 --> 00:23:15,037
I can't spare you right now.
400
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:18,507
How about another
Suicide mission?
401
00:23:18,531 --> 00:23:19,874
Don't be a grouch!
402
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:22,544
I'm proud of the way you and
99 handled this assignment.
403
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:23,911
Thank you, chief.
404
00:23:23,935 --> 00:23:26,714
At least siegfried is behind
Bars where he belongs.
405
00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:28,983
I'm afraid I've got some
Bad news for you, max.
406
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:31,052
- siegfried has escaped.
- you're kidding.
407
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:34,236
No, as a matter of fact I just
Got this telegram for you.
408
00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:41,596
"Will not rest until I have
Killed you in cold blood.
409
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:43,665
Sincerely, siegfried."
410
00:23:43,689 --> 00:23:45,567
Max, he really means that.
411
00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:50,004
I knew he was vicious and cruel and
Rotten but this time he's gone too far.
412
00:23:50,028 --> 00:23:51,105
What do you mean?
413
00:23:51,129 --> 00:23:52,962
This telegram was sent collect!
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