All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S02E02.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM_iris1

Woman over p.A.: attention
Please, flight number 305 for chicago,

is now loading at gate three.

Excuse me, young man.

Aren't you holding that
Newspaper upside down?

Oh, yes, thank you very much.

Busybody.

Hello, 47? This is 86.

Well, all we know so far is
That the counterfeit money

Is being smuggled into the
Country, hidden somewhere,

Then picked up by kaos
Agents, who are using it

To finance their operations
And disrupt our economy.

you think you may have a clue?

Well, hold on a second
Until I find a pencil.

Okay, go ahead, I've got one.

86, I think they're onto me.

Max: never mind about
That. What's the clue?

How do you spell that?

47?

47!

Max: 47, what happened?

47, the clue. What is the clue?

In a minute, but do me a favor.

- anything, 47. Anything.
- this is important.

As you know, I'm head negotiator
For the new labor contract

Between control
Agents and control.

You'll have to... You'll
Have to take my place, 86.

Sure. Sure thing,
Sure thing, 47.

But first give me the clue.

No. First, you have to
Take the official oath.

I have to be standing up when
I give you the oath. Help me up.

Easy, easy there.

Now repeat after me...

I, 86, hereby promise
To act in good faith...

I, 86, hereby promise
To act in good faith...

Are you sure we have
To be standing for this?

Oh, yes.

- okay.
- as head negotiator for control agents,

Ooh, ah.

As head negotiator for
Control agents, ooh, ah.

In their battle...

For a more equitable
Contract with control...

In their battle for a more
Equitable contract with control...

Now quick 47, what's the clue?

We forgot the secret handshake.

I now pronounce you
The new head negotiator...

For the guild of
Surviving control agents.

47, the clue. What is the clue?
Quick, before it's too late.

"The little red tractor
That huffed and puffed."

"The little red tractor that huffed
And puffed." what does it mean, 47?

47, what does it mean?

Operator: that'll be 10¢ for
The next three minutes, please.

Just a minute, operator.

Agent 47, I solemnly promise
To take over as union negotiator

And as soon as I have time, to track
Down the vital clue you just gave me...

And I just forgot.

Operator: "The little red
Tractor that huffed and puffed."

Thank you, operator.

All right, men.

As the new head negotiator

For the guild of
Surviving control agents,

I hereby call this
Secret meeting to order.

First, before I begin, I'd
Like to compliment you men

On the wonderful way that
You sneaked in here and hid.

Looking around, I have no
Idea where any of you is hiding.

Now to get on with
The business of the day,

First of all

We'll have roll call.

Oh, sorry about that, 25.

- okay, agent 61.
- man: here.

Agent 12.

Agent 82.

Still hiding out in
The old organ, huh, 82?

Agent 74.

Agent 35?

Agent 35?

You're five minutes
Late, agent 35.

All right, gentlemen.

Let's let the meeting proceed.

Sorry again, 25.

You all know what this
Secret meeting was called for.

Chief, what are you doing here?

This is an emergency,
Max. I had to find you.

How did you find me? This is
Supposed to be a secret meeting.

I had agent k-13 track you.

Fang, what are you, some
Kind of a furry strike-breaker?

Max, fang is an agent
First. He knows his duty.

Well, I know my duty too, chief.

How would you like it if
I give you an ultimatum?

How would you like it if I give
You a choice between fang and me?

How would you like that?

Perhaps I phrased that badly.

Max, there's nobody here. Who
Are you supposed to be talking to?

Every male control
Agent is here, chief.

They're just so well hidden and
Disguised as pieces of furniture

That you can't tell
Where they are.

Well, this meeting will have to wait.
It's imperative that we get to work

On the kaos counterfeit case before they
Flood the entire country with bogus bills.

I'm sorry, chief, but
This meeting can't wait.

Of course, we'll call it off as
Soon as we take a vote and decide

Whether we're gonna go out
On strike at midnight tonight.

Max, you men
Wouldn't go on strike.

Ho ho ho, yes we would...

If certain demands are not met.

For example, let's take the
Question of a week off with pay

For having to swallow
Secret government documents.

Max, be reasonable. We're
Working on a limited budget.

Don't tell me, chief. Tell them.

Now listen, men. Be reasonable.

You there. You know perfectly
Well as your chief of control, it...

- chief.
- what.

That's just a lamp
You're talking to.

Now, another thing, chief. And
I think this is very important...

The question of double overtime

In case we're shot,
Wounded or poisoned

- on grellman's birthday.
- grellman's birthday?

What in heaven's name is that?

That's code, chief. For
Washington's birthday.

This is ridiculous.
For example, you.

Have you ever been shot, wounded
Or poisoned on grellman's birthday?

Chief, it's only a sofa.

Here's a point that all the
Men are very very interested in.

For example, if we're
Captured by enemy agents

And taken to a foreign country,

Why can't we come
Back tourist class

Instead of having to stow away?

That's a good question.

You know perfectly
Well if I had the power

To help you in any way...

- chief.
- what?!

It's only a chest of drawers.

This whole conversation
Is absolutely useless.

I expect you in my office
Within half an hour.

Are you coming with me
Or are you staying?

Max: good boy, fang. I knew
you'd stick with us, fang.

Just for being so reliable,
I'm gonna take you with me

On our next assignment.
Just think of it...

We'll be together again, facing
Danger, torture and death.

That dog is almost human.

"The little red tractor
That huffed and puffed."

Max, is that the only
Clue that agent 47 left?

Chief, as the new
Head negotiator

For the guild of
Surviving control agents

I must warn you

That in exactly 10
Hours and 43 seconds

We are all going out on strike!

Max, please.

"The little red tractor
That huffed and puffed."

Must be some
Kind of code, chief.

- that's possible, 99.
- that's it, chief.

- chief: that's what?
- "Red" means communist,

"Tractor" means farmer,

"Huffed and puffed" means tired.

What that's supposed to mean?

I don't know. Find a tired
Communist farmer and ask him.

Chief, I was just going over
The things in agent 47's pocket,

And I found this.

It's a bookmark from
Ye olde bookshop.

Could "The little red tractor that
Huffed and puffed" be the name of a book?

- I doubt that very much, 99.
- get me the public library.

I consider myself
An expert on books

And I don't think that
Has anything to do with it.

Hello, is this the
Public library?

Yes. Does the phrase
"The little red tractor

That huffed and puffed"
Mean anything to you?

it does?

The title of a new children's
Book. Thank you very much.

Good thinking, 99.

Max, you go over to
This ye olde bookshop,

And see what you can
Find out. But be careful,

- it may be a kaos front.
- right, chief.

Oh, chief, before I go,
I think I must warn you

That you only have now
Nine hours and 54 minutes

before every male control
Agent goes out on strike.

Max, I have made my final
Concessions on a new contract.

- now, go over to that bookstore.
- okay, chief, I'm going.

But I don't understand
Your attitude.

The least you could do is
Issue us new bulletproof shirts.

I'm ashamed to
Wear the one I've got.

Look at it. It's full of holes.

if it wasn't for my
Bulletproof undershirt

I'd be in a lot of trouble.

Kaos agent k-12 hasn't picked
Up "The little red tractor

That huffed and puffed"
Yet, madame verna.

He was due yesterday.

- good morning.
- good morning. May I help you?

Yes, I'm interested
In a children's book.

Do you have any
Particular book in mind?

Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

"The little red tractor
That huffed and puffed."

Here you are, sir. I'm sure
Your child will enjoy it,

Especially page 52.

Page 52, eh? Thank you.

He just took the
Book and walked out?

Something must have
Made him suspicious

And he decided to play it safe.

Maybe he knew something
About one of those old ladies.

Well, max, the decoding
Department came out with a complete

Blank on this copy of page 52.

Did they try the
"Every-third-word" technique, chief?

Yes, they did. Listen...

"Good boy happy see why huff

And little then why
Not." it doesn't work.

And it makes it hard to
Follow the story too.

Max, we've got to stop this
Insidious flow of counterfeit money.

Now take this book, go back to the
Store and see what else you can find out.

Right, chief, but I have to hurry. In
Seven hours every control agent

Lays down his gun
And goes out on strike.

- I haven't forgotten, max.
- don't forget these, max.

- oh, thank you, 99.
- what are they?

They're the signs we'll be
Carrying when we go out on strike.

They don't make any sense, max.

Of course not,
99. They're in code.

What about those two little
Old ladies you followed?

They seemed harmless enough. They
Went directly from here to the race track.

I'm sorry, but the child
Didn't enjoy this book at all,

Especially page 52.

- oh, I understand, sir.
- you do?

And may I say it was
Extremely intelligent

Of your child to be so careful?

Here.

"The little old lady
Who lived in a spaceship."

And may I especially draw
Your attention to page 39.

Just page 39? That's all?

Just page 39.

I wonder if you can give
Me another little hint.

What kind of hint?

Well, you know... How
The book turns out.

Ahem ahem. Okay.

He's leaving again.

Man: what was he doing here?

- madame verna: who?
- maxwell smart.

- maxwell smart!
- the control agent?

Intercept maxwell
Smart at his apartment

And get that book back.

- and then...
- then what?

Then eradicate smart.

You sure have a way with words.

Hello.

Max: hello, is this
The chief of control?

Max, you know very well it is.

Well, chief of control,
As the new head negotiator

For the guild of
Surviving control agents

I feel it is my duty to
Remind you that we go

On strike at exactly
Midnight tonight.

unless of course
Certain demands are met,

Especially in the
Areas of overtime,

Convalescence leaves,
Vacations with pay,

And a summer clothing allowance
For black and white shoe phones.

I understand, mr. Smart.
Thank you for calling.

Oh, chief, one more
Thing... I have some new

Very important developments
On the kaos counterfeiting case.

You have? What, max?

Well, I can't tell
You now, chief.

You'll have to call me
Back and ask for agent 86.

Max, why can't you
Simply tell me now?

Because this is strictly
A labor relations call.

Max.

- hello, agent 86 here.
- yes, max?

Oh hi, chief. Glad you called.

Now about that kaos
Counterfeiting case,

I went back to the bookstore and
They gave me a new children's book...

"The little old lady
Who lived in a spaceship."

And this time they
Referred me to page 39.

Page 39, huh? Have you been able
To make any sense out of it yet?

Well no, chief, as a
Matter of fact I haven't.

Get your codebook out right
Away and try to decode page 39.

Right, chief.

Oh, hi.

Your hands up, please mr. Smart.

How did you get in here?
The door was locked.

Well, very simple,
Mr. Smart... A sharp blow

Precisely 12 inches above
The center of the lock,

And the door
Opens automatically.

Turn around!

Wait a minute. Didn't I
See you in the bookstore?

That's correct.
I'll take that book.

I don't understand.
On the inside cover

It says that I'm allowed
To keep it for three days.

Well I'm very sorry, mr. Smart.

I've been told to kill you,
And as a good kaos agent

- I must obey.
- I see.

Uh, first of all,
Before you shoot,

I'd like to ask you a
Very important question.

What's so great about page 39?

The contents of the page
Itself are meaningless, mr. Smart.

Of course...

- the page number!
- precisely.

Not that it will
Do you any good,

But the three stands
For the third row of books

down from the top
On the book shelves

Along the back wall
Of the bookshop.

And the nine means the
Ninth book from the right.

Have you any other
Last requests, mr. Smart?

- yes, I'd like to read something to you.
- what?

The complete works
Of william shakespeare.

Hold it!

I think one
Of us has been shot.

I think it's me.

Where did you shoot me?

- left chest. - good.

- good?
- as a kaos agent

I get double indemnity for
Getting shot above the waist.

Double indemnity for
Being shot only once?

Not only that, if I'm shot
And I don't die instantly,

My family gets an
Additional 25% for suffering.

Unbelievable.

And if I survive my wounds,

I get a guaranteed six weeks
Convalescence leave with pay.

With pay? You gotta
Be putting me on.

Not only that, we get
To stay free at any resort

On our kaos credit
Card... American plan.

Three superb meals a day,

Tennis, golf, bingo parties.

Dance lessons, and...

Free funerals.

Lucky devil.

Bingo parties?

I didn't know kaos
Was religious.

It's right back there

Against the back wall.

Chief, did I say 93 or 39?

I think you said
39. Hurry up, max.

Don't rush me, chief. Now,
Let me see. What was it?

It was the third
Shelf from the top,

And the ninth book
Over... Here it is, chief.

Say, I haven't
Read this one yet...

"She couldn't say no."

Max, we didn't come here
For reading material.

How do you like that?

Nothing, not even a
Secret compartment.

Wait a minute, max. There's
Something taped on here.

Aha.

Hey chief, you know
What that looks like?

It looks like one of those keys
To a coin locker at a bus depot.

Well, at least now we know
Where those kaos agents

Have been picking up their
Counterfeit money. Let's go.

And as the old saying
Goes, gentlemen...

"A little knowledge can
Be a dangerous thing."

How do you like that?

The old secret-panel-
In-the-bookcase trick.

- how corny can you get?
- it fooled you, didn't it?

Just barely.

Don't let them
Get away, you fool!

Man: turn on the lights.

Max: hold it! Stay
Right where you are.

One move and I shoot.

Sorry about that, chief.

Max!

Max, that's
Good shooting.

I know, chief. I got him
Right on the fiction section.

- hold it.
- max: you hold it.

Okay, chief, I'll take over. I'll
Just take this guy downtown...

It's 12:00 midnight.

Max, you let him
Get his gun back.

Well, chief, as a loyal member

Of the guild for
Surviving control agents

I go out on strike at
Exactly 12:00 midnight.

I sympathize with
You, mr. Smart.

You're not gonna
Shoot us in cold blood.

As chief of agents, you will
Make an excellent hostage.

However, it will give kaos a
Great pleasure to rid itself

Of the troublesome maxwell
Smart once and for all.

- are you ready, mr. Smart?
- just a minute.

Chief, before I die, I'd like
To make one last appeal

And ask you to please
Sign this contract.

All right, max,
Anything you say.

Is that a standard contract?

- what about free funerals?
- free funerals?

I've never heard
Of such a thing.

Chief, how can you be so cheap?

That man is going to kill me.

All right, max, free funerals.

And four free weeks with pay

After jumping
From a moving train?

Four weeks with pay,
Now that's out of line.

Okay, chief, okay. Goodbye.

All right, max. All
Right, I'll sign it.

Thank you, chief.

And now if you don't
Mind, I'll just take that gun.

Thank goodness
That gun misfired, max.

Not misfired, chief. No bullets.

You knew that gun wouldn't fire?

Max, I consider that a
Very underhanded way

To get me to sign
A new contract.

Tell me, mr. Smart, how did you
Know there was no bullet in that gun?

That was really quite simple, my
Friend. You see, I happen to know

That this is an
Xk13074112802 luger.

And it only fires six shots.

Well, that's odd, max.
I counted only five.

Don't be ridiculous, chief.

There were definitively
Six shots squeezed off.

I happen to know my guns.

What I don't know
Is my arithmetic.

Well max, the kaos
Agents involved

Are either dead or behind bars,

And we've located the rest
Of the counterfeit money

In those coin lockers
At the bus depot.

- you forgot one thing, chief.
- what's that?

You came to terms
With the g.S.C.A.

Yes, and don't think
I'm not grateful.

Now we can forget about unions

And concentrate on the
Real problems of control.

Not quite yet, chief.

What do you mean, max?

Well, chief, as you know,
Female agents have problems too.

Some of them quite
Different from male agents.

What are you trying to say, 99?

Well, what she's
Trying to say, chief,

Is that I have just
Been appointed head

Of the negotiating committee

For all women control agents.

No you haven't, max. No no.

For example, chief, take the
Little extra expenses that a girl has

When she's trying to
Vamp an enemy agent.

Oh, new hairdos and facials

And gold-plated
Revolvers for evening wear...

No, no,no.

Yes, chief. And how about
The question of overtime

For going around
Disguised as a man?

I mean, what woman likes
To be dressed as a man?

No.

- with smelly cigars and...
- no.