All language subtitles for Get Smart S02E21 The Man from YENTA.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.HBO

( knocking on door )

Help me.
Help me.

I just never get tired
of this business.

Ahh...

think I just
hurt myself.

Wake up.
Wake up.

They're after me!
They tried to kidnap me!

Don't let them get me.
Please, you must help me.

There there, now.
You're perfectly safe here.

Now why don't you just
sit back here and relax

and tell me
who you are?

I-- I'm
Miss United States.

Miss United States?
That's an odd name for a girl.

Well, it's
just my title.

My real name
is Tisha.

I came in town for
the beauty contest.

My daddy told me to come
to you if I needed help.

Your daddy?
Who's that?

Herman Heinschmidt.

Of course,
Herman Heinschmidt,

the famous
American scientist.

Well, that clears up
a lot of questions.

Let's see, the Chief should
still be in his office.

Look, you just sit back
and take it easy.

I'm going to call the Chief.
Everything is going to be all right.

Hello, Chief,
this is Max.

I've got a Code 16
on my hands.

Code 16?
Hang on Max, we'll get you out.

- ( sirens and alarms wailing )
- All personnel, red alert.

Code 16. Code 16.

( sirens and alarms
continue wailing )

Chief...

Williams,
you take this.

Larrabee...

Johnson...

hang on, Max.

Chief, will you stop
all that yelling

so I can tell you
about my Code 19?

19? I thought
you said 16.

16, 19, what's
the difference?

About $5,000.

All right, men.

- ( alarms and sirens stop )
- All personnel, all personnel.

Code 16 canceled.
All clear.

Repeat, all clear.

Max, I wish you'd
study your manual.

Sorry about that, Chief,
but I've never had a code 19 before.

As a matter of fact,
I've never had a Code 16 before.

All right, Max,
you've got a Code 19--

woman being pursued
by an unknown assailant, right?

- Right.
- Who is she?

She's the daughter
of Herman Heinschmidt,

the famous
American scientist.

Well, you better let her
stay there tonight.

Right, Chief.
I'll call you in the morning.

Hold on
a minute, Max.

You're spending the night
at my apartment.

Well, Chief, is that
advisable with a code 19?

That's an order, Max. Herman Heinschmidt
is a personal friend of mine.

I'm not going to let his daughter spend
the night with an unmarried agent.

Chief, do you know how long it will
take to get a married agent over here?

Max, I don't want
any agent over there.

Give her a gun to protect
herself and tell her

not to open
the door for anyone.

Right, Chief.

I'm going upstairs
and change my clothes.

I'll be down in
a few minutes.

If you need me,
just call.

All right, Tisha,
I have to go now,

but here's what
I want you to do--

I want you to
take this gun,

and if anybody
comes to that door--

I don't care how
innocent he looks--

I want you to shoot first
and ask questions later.

- You understand?
- I understand.

- Mr. Smart...
- You can call me Max.

Max...

thank you.

You're welcome.

- One more thing--
- ( bullet ricochets )

Forget it.

( theme music playing )

( knocking on door )

Is that you,
Mr. Smart?

Yes, it's me, Max.
Open up.

How did you find
out about that?

- How did I find out about what?
- That secret panel.

That's my own personal
and highly secretive invention.

( giggles )
How exciting.

Yes, I use it so I can get in
when I forget my keys.

Tisha, what
are you wearing?

Oh, I took the liberty of borrowing
a pair of your pajamas.

- I hope you don't mind.
- No, that's all right.

- My, you are neat man, Mr. Smart.
- Uh, thank you, Tisha.

Shirts in one drawer
and socks in another drawer,

classified information
in another drawer.

I couldn't get the top
drawer open though.

I always keep
that drawer locked.

Why?
What's in it?

Pajama bottoms.

Listen, Tisha.
You better get dressed.

We've got to go down to CONTROL
headquarters and see the Chief.

He wants you to look
at some pictures

so maybe you can identify
your would-be abductors.

Ooh. I'll hurry.

Wait a minute, Tisha. Did anybody
try to get in here last night?

No, your landlord came to the door,
but I wouldn't let him in.

Good girl.
What did he want?

He wanted to know if there was
a girl in your apartment.

- I told him no.
- Good. What did he say to that?

He said you better take
something for your cold.

Yes, well, why don't you
go get dressed, Tisha?

- I'll hurry.
- And...

don't put those pajama tops
in with the classified information.

Mr. Smart, I'm in terrible
danger, aren't I?

Yes, Tisha, but don't worry about it.
You're in good hands.

You'll be protected
24 hours around the clock

by a CONTROL agent
who is highly intelligent,

extremely perceptive

and absolutely fearless.

- Oh.
- What's the matter?

Well, I was hoping
it would be you.

Miss Heinschmidt,
this is the Chief.

Chief, this is
Miss Heinschmidt.

- Miss Heinschmidt.
- Hi.

Uh, Miss Heinschmidt,
do you think you could identify

the men who tried
to kidnap you last night?

I'm afraid not.

It was dark.
I couldn't see.

Well, I can
confirm that, Chief.

Last night was
a very dark night.

Well, who'd want to
kidnap little ol' me?

Your father is
a very valuable scientist.

There are certain people
who'd like to get hold of him.

Like who?

Tisha, there is an organization
of shrewd, determined men

who have been trying
to get control of this country

for a number of years.
Perhaps you have heard of them.

Oh, you mean
the republicans.

No, we mean KAOS.

- KAOS?
- Max: Yes.

A monstrous
organization of evil

dedicated to the destruction
of the free world

and the systematic
subjugation

of every man, woman
and child on this planet.

Oh, my daddy
wouldn't work for them.

He hates to see
children subjugated.

- Miss Heinschmidt--
- Would you call me "Miss USA"?

It sounds so much nicer
than "Miss Heinschmidt."

Miss USA, it's obvious
you are in great danger.

I must recommend that
you withdraw from the contest.

Withdraw from
the contest?

Well, I can't.
I simply can't.

But your life
may be at stake.

It doesn't matter.

I love this contest
and all that it stands for--

beauty, cooperation,
friendliness,

and $10,000
in prize money.

Chief, can I talk
to you for a minute?

- Yes, Max.
- Excuse us.

Chief, she just
gave me an idea.

Forget it, Max.

No, Chief, you don't
understand.

It's obvious from
what this girl tells us

that KAOS has infiltrated
this contest.

Now if we want to
ferret them out

we're going to
need this girl's help.

It's dangerous,
but she seems willing.

Yes, so what we have to do
is assign a CONTROL agent to her,

someone the girl can trust.

Max, I want you to stay by her side
24 hours a day and guard her.

This is your case, Max.

All right, Chief,
but there's one problem.

I'm going to be
the only man there.

Those girls will all be trying
to make a play for me.

Why, they'll be all over me
like a swarm of locusts.

So what's the problem?

When am I going to find time
to work on the case?

You know, Carlson, I always wanted
to wear one of these opera hats.

It's neat the way
they fold up.

- Smart!
- What is it, Carlson?

- That hat doesn't fold.
- Well, I can see that.

Oh, don't!

( bullet ricochets )

Say, Carlson, it's a good thing
I got this umbrella.

Again.

Did you tell him
about the camera?

I was just about to.

Give me
the umbrella, Max.

Be careful, Chief.
It's not only an umbrella,

- it's a rifle.
- I know, Max,

and it also has a high-speed
camera in the handle.

This is the lens
and this is the shutter release.

Oh, I get it, Chief.
If a KAOS agent attacks me,

I can take his picture.

Max, the purpose of this umbrella
is to take pictures of the contestants.

Get the film back here. We'll process
them and put them through the computer.

Chief, do you
think it's fair

to judge the girls
on looks alone?

Max, we are not
judging the contest.

I have a suspicion that one of the
entrants is a KAOS plant.

Now, the computer will
make the identification.

You've got to take a picture
of every girl in that contest.

- In bathing suits?
- Any way you want.

Okay, bathing suits.

Max, if my hunch
proves correct,

one of the photos will identify
a beautiful KAOS agent.

Well, what will we do with
the rest of the pictures, Chief?

What do you suggest?

50-50?

Come, we go.

Did you ever see so many
gorgeous females?

Tisha, to me this
is just another job.

Let's go.

What happened?

You fell over the luggage.

Right.

Shh. Don't make a sound.

We have to check
out this entire suite

and make sure
it isn't bugged.

You take the bedroom.
I'll take the living room.

- Did you find anything?
- Nope, did you?

- No.
- Well, what do we do now?

Call the desk and have
the maid make up the room.

Gosh, Mr. Smart, you're
too nice to be a secret agent.

Well, there are good secret agents
and there are bad secret agents.

There are?
Well, what's the difference?

Well, the good secret agents
are on our side.

The bad secret agents
are on their side.

Hello, this is
room 613.

Would you send
a maid up, please?

- Thank you.
- Golly, Mr. Smart...

you sure are taking
good care of little ol' me.

I sure hope there
won't be any trouble.

Well, I don't think
there will be, Tisha.

Although there's something
that's been bothering me.

Somehow I feel that I've seen
that face somewhere before.

- What face?
- The face on that fat stupid chaperone.

- So I'm fat and stupid, eh?
- Quiet.

You could afford to lose
a little weight, stupid.

You'll pay for this,
Mr. Maxwell Smart.

Maxwell Smart?

- Yes.
- Are you certain?

Yes, I saw his picture in the
post office at KAOS headquarters.

Oh, and I assume the presence
of Mr. Maxwell Smart

will change the nature
of our mission.

Yes. Before we get the girl,
we must kill Smart.

But how?
We are under strict orders

to do nothing that will attract
attention to ourselves.

Yes. Wait...

there is to be a cocktail party
this afternoon

in suite of
Miss USA, no?

Yes.

What better way to
commit a quiet murder

than in a noisy party?

Pardon me, but could you tell me
where the hors d'oeuvres are?

- I was looking for a piece of cheese.
- Cheese?

- ( clicks camera )
- Thank you.

Would you like
some champagne?

No, I'm sorry,
but I'm not drinking.

I notice you're
not drinking either.

It's humble custom
to drink only tea.

I took the privilege
of ordering some.

Oh, here it is now.

Permit me, please.

Would you care
to join me?

Good idea.

Do you like
your tea strong?

Just a couple
of more dunks, please.

Here, I'll take that.

- To your health.
- To yours.

( sizzling )

I've heard of strong tea,
but this is ridiculous.

Pardon me.

Are you enjoying
yourself?

Oh, yes.
Thank you very much.

It's a delightful party.

Yes, it is.

American men. Mmm.

So exciting, so suave,

so-- so debonair.

Well, thank you
for saying so.

You just put the lit end
of the cigarette in your mouth.

Yes, well, that way I don't get
too many ashes on the floor.

Oh, I feel
terribly warm.

Would you be kind enough
to open a window?

Certainly.

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I have
your attention, please?

I would like
to propose a toast

to the ladies
of the contest--

the most beautiful
girls in the world.

( applause )

( screaming )

What happened?

Well, either KAOS
just lost one of its agents

or the people in this hotel
just aren't tipping enough.

Here's your umbrella.
Have you taken enough pictures yet?

Are you kidding?
I'm on my third handle.

Listen, I've got to get the film
from this back to the laboratory

and have it run
through the computer.

Then we'll know which
one of the contestants

is the rotten, vicious,
evil KAOS killer.

Oh, I hope it's
nobody nice.

Look, the party's beginning
to break up. Now I am going to leave.

I want you to stay here
in this room. Don't budge.

Have you still got the gun
I gave you last night?

- I sure have.
- Where is it?

- On the table next to the bed.
- Good.

Back at your
apartment.

Have you got
a headache?

Carlson, this film was smuggled
out of KAOS headquarters.

It contains pictures
of their top staff,

codebooks and maps
of their global network.

We've got to be
especially careful with it.

It cannot be duplicated.
I'll stand by while you develop it.

I understand, Chief.
I'll use extra fine developer.

- Would you close the door, please?
- Oh, yeah.

Careful now.

Max: Carlson?

Anybody here?

Carlson, are you in there?

Both: Don't open the door!

Whatcha got there, Chief?

Nothing, Max.
Absolutely nothing.

Well, I've got
something here--

pictures of every girl
at that hotel.

Process it, Carlson.

Carlson, have you noticed

that the Chief is getting
a little moody lately?

Max: Miss Transmania?

We've identified
her as the KAOS agent.

Now look at
this picture.

Who's this, Chief?

That's Dimitri Sokolov,
a deadly KAOS agent.

Now look at
this picture.

Why, that's
Miss Transmania's chaperone.

Wrong, Max.
That's Sokolov.

That's Sokolov?

What's he been
taking, hormones?

Max, Sokolov is not her chaperone.
He's her husband.

These KAOS agents are
in the room next to Tisha's.

I've got to get back to the hotel.
She's in danger.

Max, whatever you do,
remember rule five of code 19.

Uh, I've forgotten
rule five, Chief.

But I know rule six.

- Rule six?
- Yes, Chief.

Rule six states
that all CONTROL agents

must memorize rule five

before proceeding
to rule six.

- Max.
- Yes, Chief?

Do the words "get out"
mean anything to you?

Bye.

Well, she started it.

All right, inside.
Come on, move.

All right, get over there.

Okay, let the girl go.

Now back up
against that wall.

Come on, move.

Now turn around
and put your hands up.

( knocking on door )

Come in.

Miss Formosa,
this is no time for tea.

Is always time for tea.
Tea refreshes.

Dimitri: Good work, comrade.

You will receive a hero's medal
from our government.

( gasps )

You see, my country also wants

daughter of famous
American scientist.

But we're all working
for the same cause.

Comrade, we're all
members of KAOS.

That is true, but your brand
of KAOS is weak and confused.

Only in our country
is their pure KAOS.

And now Mr. Smart, you're about
to become an ex-control agent.

Wait a minute.
Couldn't I just resign?

( groans )

Golly gee, that wasn't
very nice, was it?

No, it wasn't.

But I must say that you've handled
yourself very well, Tisha,

in the midst of all this violence
and horror and deceit.

Well, after all,
it is my third beauty contest.

Max, you did a fine job.

Well, thank you, Chief.

You know, there's one thing
that puzzles me about all this though.

I don't understand
how the computer

failed to identify
the KAOS agent who was

posing as Miss Formosa.
I'm sure I sent in a picture of her.

Let me show you, Max.

Here are different girls from
that same area of the world.

This one is
the KAOS agent.

This one is a student.

This is the
real contestant.

This one's a dental technician.

The computer's
only human after all.

I see, Chief. To the computer,
they all looked alike.

( intercom buzzes )

Hello? Oh, yes, Carlson.
Right away.

I have to go down
to the lab to see Carlson.

- Wait here, Max. I'll be right back.
- Right, Chief.

( phone rings )

CONTROL headquarters.

Code 16? Hang on, 27.
We'll get you out.

( sirens and alarms wail )

Now hear this.
Now hear this.

All personnel stand by.
Code 16. Code 16.

Red alert!
Red alert!

( sirens and alarms
continue wailing )

Here, Larrabee,
take this.

Chief: Max, who sent
in the Code 16?

Agent 27, Chief.

I've got to contact
the White House.

Chief, what is
a Code 16?

Invasion from
outer space.

Put me through
to the president.

Hello, 27, this is the Chief.
Who is it, the Martians?

Code 15?!

Max, this is a
Code 15, not 16!

Missed it
by that much.

( theme music playing )