Original subtitles

Ah.

Ah. Hmm.

Stuart.

Illumination!

♪ That'’s the question ♪

♪ Who will Gru be tonight? ♪

♪ That'’s the question ♪

♪ Hey, what are you hiding? ♪

♪ Whatcha doing when you gone? ♪

♪ Nothing wrong being private ♪

♪ Make sure it ain'’t wrong ♪

♪ Your life double-sided ♪

♪ Two-faced like coins ♪

♪ What side do I get? ♪

♪ Which side are you on? ♪

♪ So what have you done? ♪

♪ Some of your dirt has come to light ♪

♪ Why were you ♪

♪ Speeding up that hill ♪

♪ Until the brakes came off? ♪

♪ And someone saw you in a fight ♪

♪ Am I right? ♪

♪ I know you heard the rumors ♪

♪ You must get over to it right away ♪

♪ If anyone can do it ♪

♪ You gotta get there soon, it'’s not okay ♪

♪ You got cars to drive, plenty jets to fly ♪

♪ When will you arrive? ♪

♪ You'’re running outta time ♪

♪ Don'’t you see that everything is on the line? ♪

♪ Am I right? ♪

♪ Who will you be tonight? ♪

♪ That'’s the question ♪

♪ Who will Gru be tonight? ♪

♪ That'’s the question ♪

♪ The thrill of the double life. ♪

Phil, Ron, Ralph, stay focused!

Ah. Okay, okay.

Okay, our target is Maxime Le Mal,

one of the Anti-Villain League'’s most wanted.

And trust me, a real jerk.

So, there is no room for error. Got it?

Si, boss.

Uh, boss? Uh, Gru?

♪ Yo, pretty ladies around the world ♪

♪ Got a weird thing to show you ♪

♪ So tell all the boys and girls... ♪

- Phil! Ron! - Huh?

Looka! Looka! Oh!

Yummos!

Come here, come here.

Ah.

Pusha. Pusha.

Ah...

- Helpa. Ah, helpa. - Ah.

Ah. Oh, helpa.

Kids can be so cruel,

but Maxime can be even crueler!

Oh!

Well, well, well.

Look who it is.

If it isn'’t Gru-ser the Loser.

Well, if it isn'’t Maxime Le Mal.

You look...

Magnificent?

Yes, I know.

What did you think, huh? I was going to look

like a bald loser with a dad bod?

Oops, looks like you beat me to it, no?

Well, that'’s not...

Ooh!

Oh.

It'’s good to laugh, no?

Anyway, you remember my girlfriend, Valentina?

She was captain of the Femme Fatales cheer squad

and the most popular girl in school, huh?

I remember.

Good to see you, Valentina.

What happened, Gru?

All your dreams of becoming a famous villain,

they go poof-poof, huh?

Well, I don'’t know if you know,

but I did manage to steal the moon.

Really?

You mean that moon?

PRINCIPAL UÜBELSCHLECHT: Is this on?

Can I have everyone'’s attention, please?

Good evening, and welcome, Lycee Pas Bon alumni.

Now, we'’re going to kick off the festivities

by announcing the winner of our most coveted award,

the Golden Alumni.

And so, without further ado,

the winner of this year'’s Golden Alumni is, uh...

oh, my favorite student, Maxime Le Mal!

- What? What? - Oh, thank you.

Are you kidding me?

Thank you. Merci. Merci beaucoup.

Mais non, you don'’t have to.

- Oh, thank you. Thank you. - ♪ You'’re unbelievable. ♪

Thank you.

I'’m sure you all know that I have

something very big in the works.

Now, some of you laughed

at my childhood obsession with cockroaches.

But I quickly learned

that they are a miracle of evolution.

And I have found a way to harness the strength

and the speed and the-- what is the word?--

unsquishability of the most powerful creature

on the planet.

Which makes me indestructible and unstoppable!

CROWD [chanting]: Maxime!

Maxime! Maxime!

Behold, the power of the cockroach!

Oh!

Ah.

Ah.

Aah, aah! Stop! Oh, oh, stoppa!

Aah! Stoppa!

So, my sad little friend,

what do you say about that, huh?

Well, I'’d say you'’re under arrest,

courtesy of the Anti-Villain League.

Oh, I don'’t think so, mon ami.

Oh, yeah? Goop Grenade!

Move in.

- AVL! - Stay where you are!

Move, move, move!

Stay there!

Freeze!

Gotcha.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No!

This is not happening.

C'’est impossible.

Get your hands off of me!

I... I am commanding you to let...

So long, Maxime.

Who'’s the loser now?

Loser!

Loser! Loser!

This is not over!

You won'’t always have the AVL

to fight your battles, you coward.

Mark my words, I will exterminate you!

What?

Not, uh... not scary at all.

Hello, everybody.

Gru, what'’s up? Hey, Gru!

- Hey, Gru. - I'’m so happy you'’re here!

What'’s shaking in the Gru house?

Look what I taught Lucky.

Lucky, sit.

Aw, Lucky. I said "sit."

Well, it is only his first lesson.

Uh, maybe we practice outside from now on.

There'’s my favorite husband.

Did you remember to get the milk?

Well, yes. They had a few kinds.

They got the almond milk, soy milk, hemp milk,

oat milk, goat milk, chocolate milk, half-and-half,

powdered and of magnesia.

What about regular milk?

Uh, they don'’t make that anymore.

Oh.

Wait a minute.

One, two, three girls.

One wife.

Something is missing.

No, I think that'’s all of us, yeah.

You know what, I keep forgetting-- this guy!

Oh!

There'’s my boy!

There he is.

A-coochie-coochie- coochie-coochie.

Where is Daddy'’s hug?

Oh, looks like somebody'’s a little cranky.

Behind that sourpuss,

I know you love your dada!

Go on, say it. "Dada."

"Dada."

Yes, of course he loves you.

He just... he just doesn'’t show it on his face.

Or with his body language.

Right, Gru Jr.? Come on.

Show Daddy how much you love him.

Oh, I know what will make you happy.

Mmm. Bahama Medley.

No?

It'’s from the Bahamas-- all of them.

Look. Oh, so yummy.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Oh, that really tastes like the Bahamas.

See? He loves his daddy.

He'’s sharing.

Phil, Ralph, Ron.

Thanks, guys.

Ramsbottom?

"Bottom."

I need a word with you both.

- Sure, but what... - I'’m sorry,

there'’s no time for chitchat.

Maxime Le Mal has sent you a message from prison.

Bonjour, Gru.

I know you can hear me, so hear this.

You think you can humiliate me and get away with it, yes?

But no! When I break out of prison,

I'’m coming for my revenge, Gru,

but this time, I won'’t go so easy on you.

And I know where you live,

so you'’d better sleep with one eye open,

'’cause you can'’t hide from me.

Sweet dreams, Gru-ser!

Don'’t worry, he can'’t get out of there.

It'’s a maximum security prison.

Ah, yes, well, um...

he escaped yesterday.

What?!

Leave our home?

Oh, no, you'’re gonna love it.

It'’s-it'’s called the safe house,

and it'’s fun, and it'’s safe,

and it'’s fantastic, and we'’re going.

Yeah, you'’ll get a new room, go to a new school.

That'’ll be fun, right?

Everything'’s gonna be new. We love new.

What about all my friends?

You'’ll make new friends, probably better ones.

I can'’t believe this. Yes, yes.

Lot of emotions, big life change.

Less talking, more walking.

Come on. Here we go.

I'’m sorry you can'’t go with us, Lucky.

Take good care of him.

Be good, Lucky.

Don'’t forget to practice your tricks.

We'’ll arrive at the AVL safe house in a few hours.

Mayflower is a lovely town.

A lovely, safe, boring town.

Trust me, it is for the best, Gru.

And what about Grandma?

And Uncle Dru?

I'’m sorry, no one can know of your whereabouts.

Not even family.

Bingo, there'’s your silver lining.

And you promise to take care of the other Minions?

They'’ll be safe and sound at AVL headquarters.

I have big plans for them.

Good luck with that.

♪ Been a bad girl, I know I am ♪

♪ And I'’m so hot, I need a fan ♪

♪ I don'’t want a boy, I need a man... ♪

That is it!

Quiet!

You are now on Carl'’s bus.

And Carl is a longtime AVL employee

whose retirement benefits are almost vested,

so while on Carl'’s bus,

you follow Carl'’s rules.

No shenanigans, no antics and no tomfoolery.

Tom?

So this ends now, or you'’re gonna see

a side of Carl you do not want to see.

Do I make myself clear?!

Bazooka!

♪ Yah yah yah, boombayah... ♪

Carl does not like this!

Watch your hands. What are you doing?

Who'’s pinching?! No!

♪ Yah, yah, yah, yah ♪

- ♪ Let'’s go! ♪ - ♪ Ooh-ooh. ♪

Here we are, the town of Mayflower.

The safe house has been used

to protect our agents for decades now.

Oh, look at that place.

Wow, look at these lawns, the flowers.

EDITH [laughing]: Whoa, that is cool!

Are we really gonna live here?

- Look at that fountain! - Whoa.

Awesome.

Oh, is that one ours?

Uh, uh, looka.

Whoa! Look at that!

Oh, that'’s pretty!

I could get used to this.

Ooh, it looks like a princess lives there!

And here it is.

Your new home.

Oh.

Hmm. No fountain.

I'’m sure it'’s gonna be great.

Come on.

Wow, it'’s so... cold and uninviting.

But in a homey kind of way.

What?

Yes, everything here is AVL standard.

What it lacks in comfort,

it more than makes up for in functionality.

Th-There'’s even a fully automated lockdown mode.

Isn'’t that fun?

Ooh, full lockdown mode.

Yay.

It has a vending machine!

I love this place!

Uh, uh, looka.

This will be great.

All right, now down to business.

For your own safety, you'’ll all be assuming new identities.

New identities? Is that really necessary?

It'’s not up for debate, Gru.

Now, you are a solar panel salesman.

Lucy, you'’re a hair stylist at an upscale salon.

A hair stylist?

Yes! Jackpot!

Silas, did you choose that because you knew

I cut my own hair and that I would totally rock at this?

No.

"Chet Cunningham."

Da, that'’s got a nice ring to it.

Girls.

Cool.

I'’m Blair.

Britney?

My name is Bree?

Oh, come on. There are worse names than Bree.

Yeah, like Blanche.

Yes, Margo.

Blanche? Oh, that is a terrible name.

Imagine being named Blanche.

Truly, I cannot think of a worse...

My name'’s Blanche, isn'’t it?

Yup.

Well, I'’ll get used to it.

Well, why don'’t you girls go and pick out your rooms

while I have a word with your parents?

Yes, I-I didn'’t want to frighten the girls,

but it is absolutely crucial

you keep your true identities under wraps.

Gru, you'’re going to have to try to not be so Gru-ish.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, I'’m just saying you tend to stand out in a crowd.

That'’s all. You know, you, uh...

Like the way you'’re always cranky and irritable

and, uh, how you make things a bit awkward

for everyone around you.

You do do that.

- I mean, you, you know, you... - Okay, enough.

I don'’t make people awkward or uncomfortable.

I'’m very comforting.

Like a nice meat loaf.

I'’m pretty delicious.

This is not awkward.

You'’re the ones who are making it awkward.

Gru, you have to blend in.

Your family'’s lives are at stake.

You understand?

Of course. Yes. Fully understand.

We would do anything to keep our family safe. Yeah.

Right, well, I'’ll be in contact when this is all over.

Until then, capturing Maxime Le Mal

is our top priority.

Stay safe.

You know what, Gru? Maybe this isn'’t so bad.

We need a break from chasing down villains

and dangerous missions, right?

We can actually be a normal family for once.

And I can finally spend

some little bonding time with the baby.

It'’s gonna be great, right, pal?

Who'’s got your nose? Who'’s got...

Aah! He'’s got my nose!

Quite the grip there.

The kid is strong.

Ah.

♪ ♪

♪ Let'’s be free, baby, and cruise the world ♪

♪ Are you with it, girl? ♪

♪ I'’m free to do what I want and have a good time... ♪

Thank you. Look at everyone.

Yes. We are having a good time, right?

♪ I'’m free to do what I want ♪

♪ And have a good time... ♪

No, I love you.

Thank you, my beautiful army.

Maxime'’s back, baby!

And a special merci beaucoup

to everyone who helped me break out of AVL prison.

Todd and Linda, where are you? Where are you?

Yes. For distracting the guards.

Oh, très magnifique.

Now, silence!

We must make Gru suffer for arresting me.

And what better way than to take away from him

his precious little baby?

Oh, I want to take that baby!

- Oh, Maxime. - No, no, wait, wait.

Not Maxime.

What if I start going by Cockroach Man?

Huh? Little on the nose, but it is very clear, huh?

It'’s good, no?

I'’m not calling you that stupid name,

but I love this evil plan.

Well, Gru has it coming.

He humiliated me in front of the whole school.

I had my trophy and everything.

But now the game begins!

He runs and hides like the mouse,

and we find him like the cat!

Game on.

Stoppa. Stoppa.

Stoppa. Stoppa.

Stoppa!

♪ Okay, we'’ve got Chet'’s famous super cheesy scrambled eggs ♪

♪ And Blanche'’s famous bacon ♪

♪ That spells your name. ♪

Here you go...

Britney.

Wait.

I can'’t say my name is Britney.

That would be a lie.

Yes.

But we aren'’t "stupposed" to lie.

Don'’t think of it as lying.

Think of it as high-stakes pretending.

Well, I'’m not going to.

- Ah, just a little white lie. - Nope.

Agnes, as your father, I command you to lie.

No.

- Yes, lie. - Mm-mm.

You are walking on thin ice, little lady.

Hmph.

Why can'’t you be more like your sister Edith?

She lies all the time.

- No, I don'’t. - See? See?

She'’s lying right now.

Beautifully, I might add.

Okay, you guys.

This is our first big day in Mayflower,

and I say we make it a great one.

Right, Chet Jr.?

Woo-hoo! Mayflower!

Yeah! Woo-hoo!

We'’re gonna be late for karate.

- And you have to get Margo to school. - Ah.

It'’s gonna be awesome.

- Yay. - Hey.

You just have to put yourself out there, and I promise,

Mayflower will love Chet Cunningham.

Well, they'’re gonna love him just as much as I do.

Mm.

And you, little man, are gonna have

so much fun with your daddy today.

Yep, just you and Dada.

Come on, say it. "Dada."

"Dada."

Gonna be a fun day.

Okay.

Thanks a lot, guys.

All right.

- Thanks, hon. Bye. - Bye.

Look, Margo. Neighbors.

Hello!

Hmm?

Come on.

You got this, Chet.

I'’m your new neighbor, Chet Cunningham.

Uh-huh. Perry Prescott.

So, what, uh, brings you to the neighborhood, Chet?

Well, uh...

Solar panels.

That'’s it. I sell solar panels.

Have you joined the solar revolution?

Yeah, no.

Uh, I think I'’m good.

Good to know.

So, uh, what do you do, Perry?

I own Prescott Motors,

the largest auto dealer in the state.

Wow. That'’s impressive.

This is my daughter Margo.

Bree, Dad.

Ah, yes.

Yes. Did I say "Margo"?

It'’s funny because I was thinking...

I was thinking about a fish

I once had as a pet named Margo,

who lived in the pond and, uh, then died.

Anyway, I, uh...

I am about to take Bree to school for her first day.

Yeah, I was about to take Poppy to school, so...

Poppy. Hello, Poppy.

That'’s a fun name to say.

You want to carpool with us?

No.

You can be friends with Bree.

Right, Bree?

You don'’t have any friends.

Well, love the chitchat, Chet, but she'’s got school,

and I'’m meeting some pals over at the country club, so...

Ooh, country club. That sounds like a lot of fun.

If I were ever invited to a country club,

I am sure that I would love it.

Yeah, well, we really have to get going,

so nice meeting you, Chet.

♪ I'’m too sexy... ♪

Okay, cool.

Anytime you want to hang out, just hit me up with a text.

He'’s gonna text me.

That was painful.

You'’ll see, by lunchtime, you will have forgotten

all about your old, lousy friends.

Mm, not so sure about that.

Hey, honey, you got this.

You are smart. You are funny.

What'’s there to worry about, right?

They'’re gonna love you.

Thanks, Gru.

Buh-bye.

Oh, please let them love you.

Hey, Poppy.

Uh...

Move it!

Sorry. My bad.

I'’m going. All right, I'’m going.

Ooh. Glassos.

All right, gentlemen, fall in.

Some of you may be wondering why you'’re here.

Uh... Si.

As you may or may not know,

I was recently called out of retirement

to head up the AVL'’s new top secret initiative

to take down Maxime Le Mal.

And that'’s where you come in.

We need volunteers.

We are looking for the strong, the mighty...

- Oh. - Uh...

...the fearless. Uh, nope.

- We need the best of the best. - Uh...

So, who'’s it going to be?

Yes, nice work, gentlemen.

Uh, blumach.

The AVL is known

for cutting-edge weapons and vehicles,

but now we are developing cutting-edge agents,

and I can think of no better guinea pigs than you.

Guinea pig! Yeah!

You will be the first to test our Super-serum,

designed to transform you into elite agents

with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal man.

Or you might just explode.

We don'’t really know.

Uh, uh, huh?

Ah...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Mega Minions.

Cool!

Aw, you guys look adorable.

And-and really tough and-and scary.

I'’ll look even better when I have a black belt.

Hi-yah!

Ooh, ooh! I'’m gonna break a brick with my head.

That'’s the spirit. Oh!

Oh, okay, now, go have fun while I'’m at work.

Blair and Britney, right?

- Mm... - We will!

Okay. Bye, Mom.

Bye!

Gotcha.

Hi-yah!

Circle up, people.

Show respect for your sensei.

Yes, Sensei O'’Sullivan!

Hai!

You, Moscovitch, didn'’t I tell you to cut that hair?

You look like a sheepdog.

Sorry, Sensei.

Now, we have two new students today

ready to begin their journey-- hi-yah!-- to awesomeness.

You, tiny girl.

Step forward and tell us your name.

Um...

It'’s Britney.

Uh...

m-my name?

I can'’t...

There'’s no "can'’t" in karate.

Ten push-ups after class!

Hey, that'’s not fair.

You better not be talking back to your sensei.

Now, are you ready to tell us your name and participate?

Mm...

I guess not.

Then why don'’t you go sit

in the corner of disgrace and reflection

and think about what kind of person you want to be?

Now, am I gonna get any trouble from you?

Yeah, probably.

Excuse me?

If you think I'’m above fighting children,

you picked the wrong dojo.

That was for my sister.

You broke my pinkie toe.

That'’s gonna be a lot of push-ups.

LUCY[quietly]: Okay, put this over here.

Hair gel.

- Hairspray. - Oh, uh, Mrs. Cunningham.

Oh, yeah, uh, yeah? Uh, um, hi.

I have to say, this is quite a résumé.

Well, what can I say?

I'’m good at what I do.

Well, you are exactly what we need here.

Lot of vain, demanding divas in this town.

I have a hair emergency, people.

Where'’s what'’s-her-name? Remy? Rhonda?

Oh, Melora, I'’m so sorry.

Rachel'’s on maternity leave.

What?! Oh, that is unacceptable.

But you are in luck, because Blanche here is fantastic.

Perfect. I'’ll be in my chair.

Okay, kiddo, you'’re up.

♪ Let'’s go! ♪

So, Melora, what are we thinking?

What if we just wet the hair and let it dry in the air?

Let nature do its "thang," you know?

No, no, no, no, that style is dead to me.

It'’s-it'’s time for a whole new Melora.

I want this.

Wow.

Wow. Um...

Okay. Let'’s start with color.

Yes, color, '’cause that'’s what you start with.

A little of this.

Some of that.

And, ooh, that'’s pretty.

This isn'’t so hard.

Uh...

What?

Should it be smoking?

Yes, uh-huh.

Smoking means it'’s working.

What'’s going on?

Perfect. No one panic.

Call 911!

Quickly, quickly.

Oh.

Wonder where they'’re going.

Voilà.

My latest creation.

All of my transformation powers in a handheld design, huh?

Ay, I love it.

Oh, and look at the little antenna.

That'’s so cute.

It'’s not supposed to be cute, no!

I'’m going for intimidating. Terrifying, even.

Now, all I have to do is find that walking bald potato,

and his baby is mine.

Check this out.

No, I kid you not. I'’m being...

Whoa!

Whoa!

Oh, this is going to be so good!

Okay, Daddy is officially exhausted.

I changed your diaper.

I'’ve got your bottle, your Binky.

And here are your balloons.

There you go.

You like those, right?

All right, a little bit of me time.

Mmm, mmm.

Someone put a glitter bomb in my locker.

Ugh, teenagers are the worst.

Yeah, babies are no picnic, either.

Junior!

Ah, okay, okay.

Dua Lipa. Prosciutto.

Fire in de bowl!

Good night, Ralph.

♪ Taking out the trash '’cause I'’m an awesome dad ♪

♪ And the baby finally went to sleep. ♪

Hello, Gru.

Hello. Wha... Hey.

What. What the...

Oh. Hello, Poppy.

Did you say something?

Wha... My name'’s Chet, by the way.

Chet Cunningham.

Gru?

Wha... What does that even mean?

It means you'’re bad at lying.

Hey, that'’s not nice.

Ever hear of respecting your elders?

I don'’t respect boomers.

I just mock them.

Is that, like, a joke you read on the Web?

Wow. "The Web"?

How old are you?

Well, old enough to know that you are a rotten little...

You better watch yourself.

Ooh.

You used to be a master villain.

That'’s not me.

I don'’t even see a resemblance.

Clearly, you have the wrong guy,

as I sell... mm, solar panels.

Oh, don'’t worry. I'’m not gonna expose you.

Because you'’re gonna help me pull a heist.

We start planning tomorrow.

You want to pull a heist?

Listen, kid, I'’m not going to...

- No, you listen, old man. - Ow.

I own you.

And I promise, you do not want to cross me.

Okay.

All right, but tomorrow is-is not really good timing.

Bummer for you.

Because this is happening,

unless you want the whole world to know exactly who you are...

...Gru.

She'’s terrifying.

Ah.

Oh, looka!

Bello. Bello. Thank you.

- Ow! - Ooh!

Oh, thank you.

Yay!

Oh, blumach.

Hey, Jiminy! Tu cafe le colda? No problemo.

Thank you.

All right, all right, s-settle down.

Settle down!

Thank you.

It'’s time to get you out for some real-world training.

And if you do well out there,

you'’ll be the AVL'’s new secret weapon.

Pomodoro!

I'’m quite sure I won'’t regret this.

No, the painters canceled.

- Uh-huh. - True story.

- Wow. - I don'’t know what is the deal with these...

Morning, neighbors! - Uh...

Hey there!

Still waiting on that invite, Perry.

- Uh... - Oh!

- No. No. No, no. - Yoo-hoo!

- Patsy. - Oh, neighbors.

- Oh, Patsy. - Hi there.

I'’m Perry'’s wife Patsy.

Oh. I'’m Blanche.

And this is Chet.

Hi. So I look over here, and I see you, and...

I have one of my brilliant ideas.

Perry needs a fourth for tennis tomorrow.

Oh, honey.

I... I don'’t know.

He doesn'’t seem like much of a tennis guy.

Much of a tennis guy?

I am too much of a tennis guy.

I'’m Mr. Tennis.

It'’s my favorite of all the sports games.

With the racket and, uh, with the balls.

So yellow and fuzzy.

Oh, then we'’re all set.

See you two at the club tomorrow.

Toodle-oo.

Okay. Toodle-oo to you two, too.

So, you-you play tennis?

Yes, yes, I play tennis.

I'’m pretty fantastic, actually.

Well, at least I was at summer camp.

Wow, that'’s great.

Here you go.

Mwah. Okay, bye.

Have fun.

There you go.

Okay.

Huh?

What the...

Gru.

You can'’t hide from me, Gru.

Ay, my back is killing me.

How long is this gonna take?

It will take as long as it takes.

Mark my words, Gru will not win.

This won'’t be like the ninth grade talent show.

Ay, again with this.

Yes, again. It was a pivotal moment.

Why can'’t you indulge me?

It was the night of the big show.

I had practiced for weeks,

perfecting a number that would blow my classmates away.

♪ Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon... ♪

I was about to go on when...

- What? - I heard it.

Wait. Oh.

♪ Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon... ♪

There was that little jerk

doing my big number.

♪ You come and go... ♪

He ruined everything.

I couldn'’t go on after him.

I would'’ve looked like a fool.

Like I was copying him.

Maybe it was just a coincidence.

That was a very popular song.

Oh, no, no, no, no. He knew.

He did it on purpose.

He reveled in humiliating me.

Huh?

- What now? - Ugh, we'’re low on fuel.

It'’s always something.

Look, I can never focus on just being evil.

Okay.

Pull over.

Okay, let'’s see.

Regular unleaded.

Ooh. Wow.

It is expensive, no?

Okay. Insert card and remove rapidly.

"Card not read."

- Oh, come on. - Did you pull it out rapidly?

Yes, yes, very rapidly.

Ay, get me a slushy. It'’s my cheat day.

Hey, you, your stupid machine won'’t read my card.

Did you remove it rapidly?

Yes.

Well, sometimes it'’s too rapid.

You should probably try again.

I don'’t have time for this!

Whoa!

I'’m trying to destroy my archnemesis.

Now, give me 900 gallons on pump four, you idiot.

Please don'’t hurt me.

Oh, I'’m not going to hurt you.

Wha...

Ow!

Oh, look at you.

Much better.

Now, get me a purple slushy!

I'’m not paying for that, just so you know.

So there.

I know I'’m so bad.

Hmm. Okay, why don'’t you guys pick out a healthy cereal?

This was Lucky'’s favorite cereal.

You don'’t think he'’ll forget me, do you?

Oh, sweetheart, that'’s impossible.

You play with Lucky and-and dress him up.

And you guys have your podcast.

There is no way in this world he could ever forget

his best friend.

Thanks, Mom.

Oh, look it!

This one has extra marshmallows!

Double Frosted Choco Clusters.

Yeah. - Yeah, let'’s go with those.

All right, what else do we need?

Oh, no.

Nobody see. Nobody notice. Nobody notice.

Whew. What'’s wrong?

Huh?

Oh, nothing. Just, uh...

ooh, stretching before we hit the aisles.

Shopping is the number one cause of pulled hamstrings.

Probably didn'’t know that.

Okay, all stretched. Let'’s go. Quickly.

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.

Okay. Coast is clear.

Uh... oh.

You!

You did this to me!

You fraud.

Come on, girls. Clean up on aisle nine!

I'’ve always wanted to say that.

Just hide over here.

What does that lady want?

Lady? I didn'’t see a lady.

Lady!

Come on, let'’s go.

- Faster. - Aah! -Whoa!

You'’re no hairdresser!

I'’m onto you!

- Get back here! - Got to get out of here.

Okay.

Come back here!

AGNES [laughing]: Whoa!

Hey! No, no, no, no, no!

You can'’t just... Open! Open!

Open!

Whoa!

Let'’s go.

Stop! Come here, you!

No!

Whew.

That was a close one.

Always a fun time when you go shopping with Mom.

- Yeah! - Best shopping trip ever!

I feel so alive!

Perfecto.

GRU [over speaker]: Poppy?

Poppy!

I don'’t see her, Junior.

Look up, genius.

- Huh? - You'’re late.

How do I get up there?

POPPY [over speaker]: Use the trampoline.

Huh?

Here we go.

Whoa! Aah!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

It is I,

Poppy Prescott,

villainess.

Have a seat, Gru.

All right, I'’ll sit...

Okay. Why am I here?

Because, like you, I was born to be bad.

And now...

it'’s time to discuss our big heist.

"Heist."

Please, you'’re just a child.

All great villains start young.

Didn'’t you steal the Crown Jewels when you were 12?

I was a lot younger than that.

And no offense, but you'’re not me.

Oh, I plan on being a lot better than you.

Check this out.

Hey, is that my old school?

Bingo.

Which I have expertly modeled with glue and Popsicle sticks.

And it'’s where we are going to steal...

the school mascot.

You want to steal Lenny?

Exactly.

Lycee Pas Bon has always been my dream school,

and this heist will look so great

on my villain transcripts.

That is a terrible idea.

Have you ever even seen a honey badger?

They are vicious little monsters.

They literally eat bees and cobras for breakfast.

Honey badger don'’t care.

No way. No way am I helping you.

Well, that'’s the thing with blackmail.

You kind of have no choice.

Come here. Come here!

Ah, uh... Tim.

Tim, uh, tu le do it.

- Go, go, go. - P-P-Porque meo?

Chihuahua.

Bas enough!

No! Tu le stronga.

Tu le forta.

Tu le besta!

Les salami!

Les salami!

Aah! Suppository!

Hey! Police!

No problemo.

Ooh. Uh...

Piña colada.

Help!

Please, can you help me?

Oh, si, si.

Hey. All is goot.

Ciao!

Smudge, Smudge, come down.

Hey!

Les gato.

Thank you. Thank you.

Ooh, smoocha.

Oh!

Help!

Bazooka!

Ah. Uh...

Hey, hey. Stoppa. Stoppa.

Muy risky. Lemme do it.

Ciao, bellos!

There they are. Those guys crushed my car.

They destroyed the coffee shop!

Yeah, get out of here!

They'’re ruining everything.

I'’m sick of superheroes.

- Yeah. - Let'’s get '’em.

Get in.

Gentlemen...

our experiment has failed.

You are officially going to be retired.

Yeah! Retirement!

Uh, uh, no?

Whoa. There it is.

The castle.

The gargoyles.

I can'’t believe I'’m really here.

Okay.

Voilà.

Okay, let'’s get this over with.

- Ron, hand me my gear. - Voilà.

Keep a close eye on him. Okay.

If you need anything, I brought formula...

- Uh-huh. Formula. Diapers. - ...extra diapers,

- his favorite Binky. - Come on.

Let'’s go, let'’s go.

And now we cut through the glass with my...

Diapers?

What?

You'’ve got to be kidding with me.

Hey, guys. Guys.

Guys? Guys.

Guys, where is the other bag, with my gear?

Ah, in le balloon.

Ah, uh...

Oops.

What? How...

All right, all right. Let'’s see what I got in here.

Uh... come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Aha.

Thank you.

Easy peasy.

Huh?

That'’s Mr. Friendly.

No, no, no, no, no!

Whew.

Ha, ha, ha.

That'’s Dr. Destructo.

He was just a kid.

And there'’s Killer Driller'’s original helmet.

Come on. Stay focused.

Diaper.

I need something like...

- something that I can... - How about this?

Nice.

Yes!

We'’re in.

Wait.

No, no, no, no, no.

Baby powder.

Ah, si, si. Yeah.

Whoa.

You know, the most important part of a heist

is being constantly aware of potential danger.

Le baby!

La la! Tiramisu!

No, no! Le baby! Komay le!

No. Junior.

Junior, come back here.

So, what'’s your plan now?

I am dealing with it.

Don'’t touch anything.

No. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no!

Good job, Junior.

Way to go.

Aw, he'’s having fun.

Eh, too much fun.

- Ah, stoppa. - Blah, blah, blah.

Please, Junior, Daddy needs to steal a honey badger.

Whew. Okay.

I know they keep Lenny here at night.

And if memory serves,

there is a hidden switch around here somewhere.

Ah. Aha.

Yes.

Ooh.

I'’ll hit him with this.

Once he'’s knocked out, we'’ll open the cage.

That fuzzy demon will sleep like a baby the whole...

Okay, he'’s still asleep.

I tranked myself.

Ow!

Hey! Hey!

Gru, what do we do?

No!

Oh, no!

I ruined our heist.

What? Who dares?

Intruders!

Intruders!

Wake up!

No!

What?

Hmm.

Aw.

Aw.

No. Nope.

Come on. We have to go.

Intruders, you messed with the wrong principal.

Here we go. Come on. Come on.

Go, go, go!

PRINCIPAL UÜBELSCHLECHT: Come on! Come on!

Ooh, you won'’t get away with this.

Prepare to feel the wrath of UÜbelschlecht.

Diaper rash cream.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Stop, stop, stop.

Oh, dear.

Get back here, you!

I want my Lenny!

How are we getting out of here?

Follow me.

Get in.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Mr. Friendly!

Whoa!

I have to say,

that was, without a doubt, the coolest night of my life.

I can'’t believe we actually pulled that off.

Not gonna lie, that was pretty fun.

Scusa. Scusa.

Thanks, Ron.

Whew.

And thank you for everything.

Oh, and hey, don'’t worry.

Your secret is safe with me, partner.

Your secret is safe with me, partner.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Good night.

Good night.

[Gru Jr. coos]

Your dada did pretty good, huh, Junior?

Your dada did pretty good, huh, Junior?

- [squeals, laughs] - [chuckling]

[Minions chattering]

Hello, Maxime.

Hello, Maxime.

How'’s my favorite student?

How'’s my favorite student?

You know, I think you and I

You know, I think you and I

might be looking for the same person,

might be looking for the same person,

and I know exactly where he is.

and I know exactly where he is.

[laughing maniacally]

[laughing]

Thank you, Principal UÜbelschlecht.

Thank you, Principal UÜbelschlecht.

We got him!

We got him!

Valentina, to Mayflower!

Valentina, to Mayflower!

With pleasure.

- With pleasure. - [dog barks]

[laughs]

Ah. Here we go.

Ah. Here we go.

[chuckles]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

It'’s all coming back to me.

- It'’s all coming back to me. - [laughter]

[panicked chatter in Minionese]

Oops. Oh.

- [groans] - GRU: Oops. Oh.

Okay.

[chuckles] Okay.

See you later.

See you later.

Say, "Bye, Mommy and Daddy."

Say, "Bye, Mommy and Daddy."

Have fun at the club.

Have fun at the club.

Make good choices.

- Make good choices. - [engine starts]

- Bye, guys. - Goodbye.

- Bye, guys. - Goodbye.

Bye!

Bye!

Hey, Cunninghams.

POPPY: Hey, Cunninghams.

Um, hey, Poppy.

Um, hey, Poppy.

I heard our parents are having a playdate--

I heard our parents are having a playdate--

which is adorable, by the way--

which is adorable, by the way--

and I thought you might want to hang out.

and I thought you might want to hang out.

Oh. Yeah, sure. Come on in.

Oh. Yeah, sure. Come on in.

Let'’s get this party started, people!

Let'’s get this party started, people!

I like her.

I like her.

Yeah, most people do.

Yeah, most people do.

Sweet.

- [laughter] - Sweet.

So, have you guys ever seen a honey badger?

So, have you guys ever seen a honey badger?

[players grunting]

Whoa, okay. These guys aren'’t messing around.

Whoa, okay. These guys aren'’t messing around.

There are my favorite new neighbors.

There are my favorite new neighbors.

- Hi. - I'’m loving this whole vibe.

- Hi. - I'’m loving this whole vibe.

You two look like a couple of pros.

You two look like a couple of pros.

[Lucy and Gru chuckling awkwardly]

Yeah, but we'’re not.

Yeah, but we'’re not. [chuckles]

Perry and the boys are waiting for y'’all on the court,

Perry and the boys are waiting for y'’all on the court,

and we are hitting the clubhouse.

and we are hitting the clubhouse.

And you'’re telling me where you got that to-die-for outfit.

And you'’re telling me where you got that to-die-for outfit.

[sighs]

[grunts]

- [Gru whimpers] - [groans]

Over here, Chet.

Over here, Chet.

Hello.

Hello.

Okay.

[sighs]: Okay.

Skip, Chip, Chet. Chet, Skip, Chip.

Skip, Chip, Chet. Chet, Skip, Chip.

Hey there, fellas.

Hey there, fellas.

- Hello. - How are you doing, Chet?

- Hello. - How are you doing, Chet?

Okay.

Okay. [chuckles, yelps]

[Perry chuckles]

Chet here is gonna show us fellas how it'’s done.

Chet here is gonna show us fellas how it'’s done.

Right?

Right?

Uh, hmm.

Uh, hmm. [grunts]

Oh, I'’m gonna smoke this guy.

Oh, I'’m gonna smoke this guy.

Okay.

[panting]: Okay.

[chuckles]

- [grunts] - [yelps]

Huh?

- [whistle blowing repeatedly] - Huh?

What the...

- What the... - [grunts "I don'’t know"]

[whistles loudly]

Okay. Let'’s do this.

Okay. Let'’s do this.

[whistles loudly]

Huh? You'’ve got to be kidding.

Huh? You'’ve got to be kidding.

[whistles loudly]

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Better?

Better?

[blows whistle]

[grunts]

What? Hmm?

- PERRY: What? - GRU: Hmm?

[grunts]

That doesn'’t count.

PERRY: That doesn'’t count.

And... oh! What?

- And... oh! What? - [blowing whistle repeatedly]

You can'’t just...

You can'’t just... [grunts]

This is ridiculous!

This is ridiculous!

Huh?

- [whistles loudly] - Huh? [grunts]

[Ron grunting]

Ah.

Ah. [speaks Minionese]

- [explosive bang] - [Ron screams]

- [groaning] - [gasps]

Thanks, Ron.

[chuckles] Thanks, Ron.

Hey, no! Oh, no!

Hey, no! Oh, no!

[muffled shouting]

- [chattering wildly] - [girls laughing]

Come and get it.

EDITH: Come and get it.

- Oh, it'’s so cute. - Whoa.

- Oh, it'’s so cute. - Whoa.

This is the weirdest dog ever.

This is the weirdest dog ever.

[doorbell rings]

I'’ll get it.

I'’ll get it.

♪ ♪

[gasps]

Well, hello, little one.

Well, hello, little one.

Is your daddy home?

Is your daddy home?

Sorry. I'’m not "stupposed" to talk to strangers.

Sorry. I'’m not "stupposed" to talk to strangers.

Oh. I'’m not a stranger.

[chuckles]: Oh. I'’m not a stranger.

Well, you look strange to me.

Well, you look strange to me.

[groans]

Who is it?

MARGO: Who is it?

I don'’t know.

I don'’t know.

But she'’s old and smells like pickles.

But she'’s old and smells like pickles.

[panting]

[sniffs]

[whimpering]

Okay, I'’m coming.

Okay, I'’m coming.

[Poppy gasps]

Oh, no. Um...

Oh, no. Um...

I'’ll be right back.

- I'’ll be right back. - [whimpering]

[Gru Jr. babbling]

Can I help you?

Can I help you?

Well, I hope so.

Well, I hope so.

I'’m an old friend of Gru'’s.

I'’m an old friend of Gru'’s.

Well, he'’s not here, so...

Well, he'’s not here, so...

Oh, that'’s all right.

Oh, that'’s all right.

[girls yelp]

I'’ll wait.

I'’ll wait.

[exhausted panting]

[whistle blows]

Huh? What? No!

Huh? What? No!

- [whistles loudly] - [yells, groans]

Whenever you'’re ready, Perry.

Whenever you'’re ready, Perry.

Um...

- [cell phone chimes] - Um...

Hmm?

Hmm?

[gasps]

[quiet chatter, laughter]

Needless to say, Perry and I are no longer welcome

Needless to say, Perry and I are no longer welcome

on the island of O'’ahu.

on the island of O'’ahu.

True story.

[laughs] True story.

Honey.

- [chuckles] - GRU: Honey.

- Oh, thank goodness. - It'’s the children.

- Oh, thank goodness. - It'’s the children.

We have to go now.

- We have to go now. - [gasps, gulps]

Oh.

Oh.

Thanks. Bye.

Thanks. Bye.

- Our cover'’s blown. - What?

- Our cover'’s blown. - What?

- Call Silas. - Oh, no.

- Call Silas. - Oh, no.

[blowing whistle repeatedly]

[line ringing]

[beeping]

[chatter in Minionese]

- [yelling] - [laughing]

[Minionese chatter continues]

[shouting in Minionese]

[laughter, whooping]

[frantic gasping]

♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪

[Minionese chatter continues]

[spits, groans]

[chuckles]

Ah.

Ah. [clears throat]

- [alarm blaring] - [gasps]

Gru'’s been compromised.

Gru'’s been compromised.

This is an emergency, people.

This is an emergency, people.

Retirement is officially over.

Retirement is officially over.

Assemble the Mega Minions.

Assemble the Mega Minions.

[seagulls squawking]

[rapid beeping]

Pomodoro!

[gasps] Pomodoro!

- [laughs] - [seagulls screeching]

[munching loudly]

- [rapid beeping] - [gasps]

Pomodoro!

Pomodoro!

[laughing]

[laughs]

Shooshta, shooshta, shooshta, shooshta,

Shooshta, shooshta, shooshta, shooshta,

shooshta, shooshta, shooshta!

shooshta, shooshta, shooshta!

[bees buzzing]

Hey.

Hey. [chuckles]

Bello, busy bee.

Bello, busy bee.

Aw.

[gasps] Aw.

- [rapid beeping] - [gasps, laughs]

Pomodoro!

Pomodoro!

[laughs]

[bellows]

Yee-haw!

- Yee-haw! - [rapid beeping]

[gasping excitedly]

Pomodoro!

Pomodoro!

[chuckles]

Pomodoro!

Pomodoro!

Yee-haw!

- Yee-haw! - [bellowing]

Yippa, yippa!

Yippa, yippa!

Huh?

Huh?

Whoa.

Whoa. [laughs]

Yeah!

Yeah!

- [laughs] - [rapid beeping]

Huh?

Huh? [groans]

[grumbling]

So, your father has been naughty.

So, your father has been naughty.

Very naughty.

Very naughty.

He took something of mine that I desperately want back.

He took something of mine that I desperately want back.

[all gasp]

[yells]

[both grunting fiercely]

Principal UÜbelschlecht?

Principal UÜbelschlecht?

Ooh. I know you took my Lenny.

Ooh. I know you took my Lenny.

- Now, hand him over! - Ow!

- Now, hand him over! - Ow!

Ow. That...

Ow. That... [chuckles]

- Actually very funny story. - Zip it!

- Actually very funny story. - Zip it!

I don'’t want to hear your excuses.

I don'’t want to hear your excuses.

I'’m here to teach you a lesson.

I'’m here to teach you a lesson.

Let'’s go, tough guy.

Let'’s go, tough guy.

Okay.

[chuckling]: Okay.

I'’m not going to fight an old lady.

I'’m not going to fight an old lady.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'’m gonna give you a whupping

Well, I'’m gonna give you a whupping

for the history books.

for the history books.

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa!

- [grunts] - [Lucy gasps, yelps]

Take that!

Take that!

- [Gru grunts, groans] - [Lucy gasps]

[whimpers]

Yeah, go!

- Yeah, go! - [Gru yelps]

Girls, look out! Over here!

Girls, look out! Over here!

Everyone, get down! Gru!

- Everyone, get down! - GIRLS: Gru!

[girls and Minions whimpering]

Hey, back off, lady.

Hey, back off, lady.

[grunting]

♪ ♪

[Gru yelling]

Stop it!

Stop it!

Let him go!

Let him go!

Take that!

- Take that! - [Minions yelling]

[babbling happily]

[laughing]

[grunting and groaning]

[continues laughing]

Now we have to get in there

[chuckles] Now we have to get in there

and find that baby.

and find that baby.

What?

- [clattering] - What?

[laughing]

[gasps]

Oh! Jackpot, huh?

Oh! Jackpot, huh?

Ay, Maxime.

Ay, Maxime.

This is too easy.

- This is too easy. - [both laugh]

Come here, little baby.

MAXIME: Come here, little baby.

Come to Maxime.

Come to Maxime.

Yes. Coochie-coochie...

Yes. Coochie-coochie...

- Oh! - Ay, Maxime.

- [screams] Oh! - [yelps] Ay, Maxime.

You little...

- You little... - [Gru Jr. fusses]

You are in big trouble.

You are in big trouble.

Gotcha!

- Gotcha! - [yelps]

[grunting and groaning continue]

- [electrical crackling] - [pained whimpering]

[panicked grunting]

[screaming]

Whew.

- Whew. - [all panting]

Wait. Where'’s the baby?

Wait. Where'’s the baby?

Where'’s the baby?!

- Where'’s the baby?! - [gasps]

Junior?

Junior?

[Gru Jr. crying]

- [UÜbelschlecht yells] - [Lucy gasps]

Lucy!

GRU: Lucy!

Go after the baby.

Go after the baby.

[gasps]

[aircraft whirring]

Maxime.

Maxime.

Say au revoir, Gru.

Say au revoir, Gru.

Oh, and don'’t worry.

Oh, and don'’t worry.

He will be very happy with his new daddy.

He will be very happy with his new daddy.

Right? Look at him.

Right? Look at him.

Oh, he loves his new daddy.

- Oh, he loves his new daddy. - [crying]

Junior!

Junior!

[crying continues]

No!

No!

Whoa!

- [tires squeal] - Whoa!

Get in.

Get in.

[grunts]

We'’ve got a baby to save.

We'’ve got a baby to save.

[tires squealing]

We got him!

- [laughs] We got him! - [Valentina laughing]

Oh, who is ready to become a little roach?

Oh, who is ready to become a little roach?

Ow! Let go!

- Ow! Let go! - [Gru Jr. laughs, squeals]

Ow! Those are very sensitive.

Ow! Those are very sensitive.

Aah! You squirmy little...

Aah! You squirmy little...

Oh!

- [liquid trickling] - MAXIME: Oh!

Ugh! Are you kidding me?

- [giggles, coos] - Ugh! Are you kidding me?

You got pee-pee all over my ship.

You got pee-pee all over my ship.

[giggling]

Valentina, bring me the Roachification Ray.

Valentina, bring me the Roachification Ray.

[giggles, gasps]

♪ ♪

There they are.

There they are.

I'’m on it.

I'’m on it.

Here we go!

Here we go!

[laughing]

[screams]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[yelps]

[whimpering]

What'’s that?

- [radar pinging] - What'’s that? [gasps]

Hello.

[chuckles] Hello.

Gru!

[groans] Gru!

Get me closer.

Get me closer.

Almost there.

Almost there.

[grunts]

Take them out!

- Take them out! - [Valentina chuckles]

- [Gru yelps, grunts] - [Poppy screaming]

[both yelling]

[screams]

[grunts]

You'’re doing great!

You'’re doing great!

[grunts]

Go get '’em, partner.

Go get '’em, partner.

[screams, gasps]

[grunts]

[Valentina gasps]

[laughing]

[frightened whimpering]

[Gru screams]

Ay! I can'’t see!

Ay! I can'’t see!

[yelps]

[all screaming]

[whimpering]

[grunts, gasps]

[grunts]

[coughing]

Junior.

Junior.

Don'’t worry, Gru.

MAXIME: [laughs] Don'’t worry, Gru.

The baby is fine.

The baby is fine.

See for yourself.

See for yourself.

[Gru Jr. coos]

Oh, Junior.

[gasps] Oh, Junior.

And now he belongs to me.

And now he belongs to me.

Isn'’t that right, Maxime Jr.?

Isn'’t that right, Maxime Jr.?

[Gru Jr. coos]

Together, we will wreak havoc, cause mayhem

Together, we will wreak havoc, cause mayhem

and have so much fun doing it, huh?

and have so much fun doing it, huh?

[both laughing]

And best of all, he hates you!

And best of all, he hates you!

He really does.

He really does.

Let my son go.

Let my son go.

No, I don'’t think so.

No, I don'’t think so.

The fun is just about to start, huh?

The fun is just about to start, huh?

[laughing]

[screams, gasps]

[screams]

Oh, look at what a coward your old daddy is, huh?

Oh, look at what a coward your old daddy is, huh?

[Maxime laughing]

[gasping]

[laughing]

[yelps, screams]

[gasps]

- [gasps] - [rumbling]

[Valentina screams]

[panting]

[growls]

You crossed the line, Maxime.

You crossed the line, Maxime.

Now, give me my son.

Now, give me my son.

I told you, he is my son now.

I told you, he is my son now.

[gasping]

[yells]

[both grunting]

[gasps]

[grunts]

[grunts, laughs]

Watch your step, Gru.

- Watch your step, Gru. - [gasps, whimpers]

It'’s a doozy!

It'’s a doozy!

[laughs]

Too bad you can'’t fly, huh?

Too bad you can'’t fly, huh?

[grunting]

[Gru screaming]

- Let go! - Ow!

- Let go! - Ow!

[groaning]

[screaming]

[both grunting]

[gasps, grunts]

This ends now!

This ends now!

Say goodbye to Daddy.

Say goodbye to Daddy.

[Gru Jr. chatters]

[gasps]

It'’s okay, Junior.

It'’s okay, Junior.

Dada loves you.

Dada loves you.

[laughs]

[Gru screaming]

[yelps, screams]

[Gru groaning, screaming]

[gasps]

[laughing]

[screams]

[gasps]

- [Maxime groaning] - [thud]

Get back here.

Get back here.

Bad baby.

Bad baby.

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Get off me, you demon!

Get off me, you demon! [groans]

You are going to feel the wrath of...

You are going to feel the wrath of...

[yells]

[gasps, whimpers]

[screams]

[laughs]

[screaming]

[groans, whimpers]

[screams]

Whoa.

[groans] Whoa.

[screams]

[groans]

[screams]

[pained whimper]

[grunts]

See? Not a scratch.

See? Not a scratch.

Huh? Wha...?

- Huh? Wha...? - [cattle bellowing]

Salami!

Salami!

[screams]

Pastrami!

Pastrami!

[screams, whimpers]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Prosciutto!

MINION: Prosciutto!

- What? - Prosciutto!

- What? [coughs] - Prosciutto!

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

Gross.

- Gross. - [bees buzzing]

[panicked whimpering]

Nice try. When I...

[sighs] Nice try. When I...

- [laughs] - [Maxime whimpers]

Antipasti.

- Antipasti. [chuckles] - [camera clicks]

[chuckling]

Oh!

- [tires squealing] - [laughs]: Oh!

- Gru! -Oh, Gru! - You'’re here!

- Gru! -Oh, Gru! - You'’re here!

Junior!

Junior! [laughs, whoops]

Yes!

Yes!

Yay! Holy cow!

- AGNES: Yay! - EDITH: Holy cow!

Are you guys okay? That was insane!

- LUCY: Are you guys okay? - MARGO: That was insane!

- [Lucy sighs] - [Gru chuckles]

[Gru Jr. cooing]

Dada.

Dada.

[gasps]

Aw.

ALL: Aw.

Aw. My boys.

Aw. My boys.

Dada.

- Dada. - [Gru sniffles]

You know something, today has been

[crying]: You know something, today has been

a real roller coaster of emotion.

a real roller coaster of emotion.

- [whimpers] - [Gru Jr. giggling]

[Minions chuckling]

Uh, Gru?

Uh, Gru?

Can we go back home now?

Can we go back home now?

All right. There you go.

All right. There you go.

Yay!

- [gasps] Yay! - [coos, babbles happily]

Thanks, Dr. Nefario.

Thanks, Dr. Nefario.

Good as new.

[chuckles] Good as new.

No job too small or too mad.

No job too small or too mad.

Bye, then.

[chuckles] Bye, then.

Bye.

Bye.

[squeals happily]

Hey. You okay, sweetie?

Hey. You okay, sweetie?

[Agnes whimpers softly]

Agnes!

- GRU: Agnes! - [gasps]

Someone'’s here to see you!

Someone'’s here to see you!

[panting]

Lucky?

[gasps] Lucky?

[bleats]

Lucky!

Lucky!

- [Agnes laughing] - [Lucky bleats]

Did you practice your tricks?

Did you practice your tricks?

Okay, play dead.

- [bleats] - Okay, play dead.

[Lucky gasping]

Yay!

[laughing]: Yay!

Ah, that was... disturbing.

Ah, that was... disturbing.

Yeah, little bit. Lucky!

- Yeah, little bit. - AGNES: Lucky!

- [laughing] - [bleating]

Hey, I'’ll, uh... I'’ll be back soon.

Hey, I'’ll, uh... I'’ll be back soon.

- Oh. Okay. - Mwah.

- Oh. Okay. - Mwah.

There'’s something I need to take care of.

There'’s something I need to take care of.

Mwah.

Mwah.

See you later, buddy.

See you later, buddy.

Love you, honey.

Love you, honey.

Da-da-da.

Da-da-da. [giggles]

♪ ♪

How you doing, Maxime?

[sighs heavily] How you doing, Maxime?

What are you doing here, Gru?

[sighs] What are you doing here, Gru?

You came to gloat, no?

You came to gloat, no?

Gloat? No, no, no, no. I just...

Gloat? No, no, no, no. I just...

I wanted to get something off my chest.

I wanted to get something off my chest.

And it concerns

- [scoffs] - And it concerns

the ninth grade talent show.

the ninth grade talent show.

Well, actually...

Well, actually...

- I did steal your song. - What?

- I did steal your song. - What?

I knew it!

I knew it!

I knew there was no coincidence.

I knew there was no coincidence.

You little liar!

You little liar!

[grunting]

Well?

Well?

Well, what?

Well, what?

- Well, where'’s my apology? - Apol...

- Well, where'’s my apology? - Apol...

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

I just apologized.

I just apologized.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, that was no apology.

No, that was no apology.

You just wanted to rub it in.

You just wanted to rub it in.

I can'’t believe you stole my song.

I can'’t believe you stole my song.

Hey, I only did that to get back at you

Hey, I only did that to get back at you

for pantsing me at the homecoming dance.

for pantsing me at the homecoming dance.

Besides,

- [chuckles] - Besides,

you could'’ve gone on after me.

you could'’ve gone on after me.

It is not my fault that you were afraid.

It is not my fault that you were afraid.

Afraid because I killed it!

Afraid because I killed it!

Afraid? Ha!

Afraid? Ha!

I could outsing you any day of the week

I could outsing you any day of the week

and all day Sunday.

and all day Sunday.

I'’d like to see that.

[laughs] I'’d like to see that.

Anytime, anyplace.

Anytime, anyplace.

You name it, mon ami.

You name it, mon ami.

["Everybody Wants to Rule the World" playing]

[quiet chatter]

[laughing excitedly]

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

♪ Welcome to your life ♪

♪ Welcome to your life ♪

Aah!

Aah!

♪ There'’s no turning back ♪

♪ There'’s no turning back ♪

Aah!

Aah!

♪ Even while we sleep ♪

♪ Even while we sleep ♪

Oh, come on!

Oh, come on!

♪ We will find you ♪

♪ We will find you ♪

- ♪ Act... ♪ - ♪ ...ing on your ♪

- ♪ Act... ♪ - ♪ ...ing on your ♪

♪ Best behavior ♪

♪ Best behavior ♪

♪ Turn your back on Mother Nature ♪

♪ Turn your back on Mother Nature ♪

♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪

♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪

- Yes! - Woo-hoo! Yeah!

- Yes! - Woo-hoo! Yeah!

- [cheering] - [dog barking]

[groans]

♪ It'’s my own design ♪

♪ It'’s my own design ♪

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

♪ It'’s my own remorse ♪

- ♪ It'’s my own remorse ♪ - [laughing]

- Let'’s boogie! - ♪ Help me ♪

- Let'’s boogie! - ♪ Help me ♪

♪ To decide ♪

[muffled]: ♪ To decide ♪

[Minions whooping, hollering]

♪ Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure ♪

♪ Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure ♪

♪ Nothing ever lasts forever ♪

♪ Nothing ever lasts forever ♪

- ♪ Everybody ♪ - -Yeah!

- ♪ Everybody ♪ - [laughs] -Yeah!

- ♪ Wants to rule the world ♪ - Whoo! -Ha-ha!

- ♪ Wants to rule the world ♪ - Whoo! -Ha-ha!

♪ There'’s a room where the light won'’t find you ♪

♪ There'’s a room where the light won'’t find you ♪

♪ Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down ♪

♪ Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down ♪

♪ When they do, I'’ll be right behind you ♪

♪ When they do, I'’ll be right behind you ♪

♪ So glad we'’ve almost made it ♪

♪ So glad we'’ve almost made it ♪

SILAS [singing along]: ♪ So sad they had to fade it ♪

SILAS [singing along]: ♪ So sad they had to fade it ♪

♪ Pom-pom, pom-pom ♪

♪ Pom-pom, pom-pom ♪

♪ Tra-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ Tra-la, la-la-la ♪

♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪

♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪

♪ Say that you'’ll never, never, never, never need it ♪

♪ Say that you'’ll never, never, never, never need it ♪

♪ One headline, why believe it? ♪

♪ One headline, why believe it? ♪

♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪

♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪

Woo-hoo!

MINION: Woo-hoo!

♪ All for freedom ♪

♪ All for freedom ♪

♪ And for pleasure ♪

- ♪ And for pleasure ♪ - [Gru Jr. laughing]

♪ Nothing ever lasts forever ♪

♪ Nothing ever lasts forever ♪

♪ Everybody wants to ♪

♪ Everybody wants to ♪

♪ Rule the world. ♪

♪ Rule the world. ♪

Oh, yeah.

- [song ends] - GRU: Oh, yeah.

[snoring]

[startled grunting]

Bello?

Bello?

Bello!

Bello!

[whimpers]

[grunting]

[repeated banging and grunting]

[grunts fiercely]

[laughing, whooping]

[screams]

[alarm blaring]

[whimpers]

Oh, strudel.

RALPH: Oh, strudel.

["Double Life" by Pharrell Williams playing]

[screaming]

♪ Hey, what are you hiding? ♪

- ♪ Hey, what are you hiding? ♪ - [laughing]

♪ Whatcha doing when you gone? ♪

♪ Whatcha doing when you gone? ♪

[screams, shouts in Minionese]

♪ Nothing wrong being private ♪

♪ Nothing wrong being private ♪

♪ Make sure it ain'’t wrong ♪

♪ Make sure it ain'’t wrong ♪

♪ Your life double-sided ♪

- ♪ Your life double-sided ♪ - [electrical humming]

- ♪ Two-faced like coins ♪ - Huh?

- ♪ Two-faced like coins ♪ - Huh?

♪ What side do I get? ♪

- [grunts, laughs] - ♪ What side do I get? ♪

♪ Which side are you on? ♪

- ♪ Which side are you on? ♪ - [shouts in Minionese]

♪ So what have you done? ♪

- ♪ So what have you done? ♪ - [electrical crackling]

♪ Some of your dirt ♪

- ♪ Some of your dirt ♪ - [whooping]

- ♪ Has come to light ♪ - Oh?

- ♪ Has come to light ♪ - Oh?

♪ Why were you ♪

♪ Why were you ♪

♪ Speeding up that hill ♪

- ♪ Speeding up that hill ♪ - [gasps]

♪ Until the brakes came off? ♪

- ♪ Until the brakes came off? ♪ - [sneezes]

[groans]

♪ And someone saw you in a fight ♪

♪ And someone saw you in a fight ♪

♪ Am I right? ♪

- [blowing] - ♪ Am I right? ♪

- [belches thunderously] - [screaming]

[laughing]

♪ It doesn'’t matter to you if you get heads or tails ♪

♪ It doesn'’t matter to you if you get heads or tails ♪

- [shouts angrily in Minionese] - [screams, high-pitched yell]

♪ You just don'’t like to flip ♪

♪ You just don'’t like to flip ♪

♪ All the time ♪

- ♪ All the time ♪ - [chuckling]

♪ But if you spin it ♪

- [giggling, grunting] - ♪ But if you spin it ♪

♪ Then you get to see both sides ♪

♪ Then you get to see both sides ♪

♪ Oh, the thrill of the double life ♪

♪ Oh, the thrill of the double life ♪

Uh, whoops.

Uh, whoops.

♪ Lie detector time ♪

- ♪ Lie detector time ♪ - [chuckling]

[screams, whimpers]

♪ Do you feel bad when you lie? ♪

♪ Do you feel bad when you lie? ♪

♪ The look on your face says ♪

- ♪ The look on your face says ♪ - [chattering]

♪ "The best life" ♪

♪ "The best life" ♪

♪ And then come home like it'’s fine ♪

♪ And then come home like it'’s fine ♪

♪ Am I right? ♪

- ♪ Am I right? ♪ - [excited chatter]

♪ I know you heard the rumors ♪

♪ I know you heard the rumors ♪

♪ You must get over to it ♪

- ♪ You must get over to it ♪ - [excited chatter]

♪ Right away ♪

- ♪ Right away ♪ - [all grunt]

♪ If anyone can do it ♪

- ♪ If anyone can do it ♪ - [whimpers, shouts]

♪ You gotta get there soon ♪

- ♪ You gotta get there soon ♪ - [laughing]

♪ It'’s not okay ♪

♪ It'’s not okay ♪

♪ You got cars to drive ♪

♪ You got cars to drive ♪

♪ Plenty jets to fly ♪

♪ Plenty jets to fly ♪

♪ When will you arrive? ♪

- ♪ When will you arrive? ♪ - [panicked grunting]

♪ You'’re running outta time ♪

- ♪ You'’re running outta time ♪ - [screams]

♪ Don'’t you see that ♪

♪ Don'’t you see that ♪

♪ Everything is on the line? ♪

♪ Everything is on the line? ♪

- Hmm. Okay, come in. - ♪ So I'’m sorry ♪

- Hmm. Okay, come in. - ♪ So I'’m sorry ♪

♪ But you have to choose a side ♪

♪ But you have to choose a side ♪

Bello.

- Bello. - [frantic yelling]

♪ You never know when it'’s your time to go ♪

♪ You never know when it'’s your time to go ♪

♪ It'’s now or never ♪

- [grunting wildly] - ♪ It'’s now or never ♪

♪ On this everything rides ♪

- [exhausted panting] - ♪ On this everything rides ♪

[laughing]

- ♪ Before the spinning stops ♪ - No. No, no, no.

- ♪ Before the spinning stops ♪ - No. No, no, no. [screams]

♪ You must pick a side ♪

♪ You must pick a side ♪

Ooh.

Ooh. [munches loudly]

♪ Who will you be tonight? ♪

♪ Who will you be tonight? ♪

♪ That'’s the question ♪

♪ That'’s the question ♪

♪ Who will Gru be tonight? ♪

♪ Who will Gru be tonight? ♪

[yelling]

♪ That'’s the question ♪

♪ That'’s the question ♪

♪ The double life. ♪

- ♪ The double life. ♪ - [song ends]

Uh, uh-oh.

- [gasps, whimpers] Uh, uh-oh. - [rumbling]

[all screaming]

[sighs]

♪ ♪

[grunting]

[yelps, screams]

♪ ♪

[whimpering, yelling]

♪ ♪

[munching loudly]

[gasps, screams]

[seagull screeches]

♪ ♪

[seagull squawking]

[grumbles]

[groans]

♪ ♪

[grunting]

[grunting, panting]

[gasping frantically]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah.

[sighs]

Ooh-la-la.

Ooh-la-la.

[grunting]

[straining]

♪ ♪

[Minion vocalizing melody]

[vocalizing stops]

♪ ♪

Hey-hey! Bello!

Hey-hey! Bello! [chuckles]

[stammers]

Oh.

Oh. [laughing nervously]

[laughing trails off]

♪ ♪

[whistling melodically]

[whistling fades]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[grunting]

♪ ♪

[music fades]

[snoring]

- [grunts] - [whimpers]

- [shouting frantically] - [laughing]

[blows]

[alarm clock beeping]

Ugh...

[Benny gasps] Ugh...

Huh?

Huh?

Ugh...

Ugh... [speaking Minionese]

[snores]

Happy birthday!

MINIONS: Happy birthday!

[barks]

No, no, no!

[grunts] No, no, no!

[gasps]

[all cheering]

[speaking Minionese]

- [speaking Minionese] - [snarls]

[grunting]

Huh?

[groans] Huh?

[screaming]

Blegh!

Blegh!

[balloon squeaks, deflates]

[cheering continues]

[screams]

[screams]

[Benny grunting]

Ouch!

Ouch!

Huh?

- Huh? - [chuckles]

La-la-la!

La-la-la! [giggles]

[gasps]

Oh, no!

Oh, no! [blowing]

[alarm clock beeping]

Again?

[gasps] Again?

[gasps]

[speaking Minionese]

Another birthday?

Another birthday?

Happy birthday!

MINIONS: Happy birthday!

Huh?

- [barks] - Huh?

[speaking Minionese]

No! No, no, no!

[stammering] No! No, no, no!

[grunts]

No, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no! [gasps]

Blegh!

Blegh!

[balloon squeaks, deflates]

Whoa!

- [balloon Minion screaming] - Whoa! [yelps]

[screams]

No, no!

No, no!

[Benny grunting]

[screams]

[groans]

[screams]

[alarm clock beeping]

[Benny yelps]

No!

No! [quivering]

Happy birthday!

MINIONS: Happy birthday!

- [barks] - [gasps, screams]

[snarls]

No!

[screams] No!

[screams]

[alarm clock beeping]

- [grunts] - [screaming]

[screams]

- [screaming] - [screams]

Oh!

[grunts] Oh! [chuckles]

[screams]

Ow!

Ow!

[speaks Minionese, grunts]

- [barks] - [screams]

[alarm clock beeping]

[screams]

- [alarm clock beeping] - [groans]

[screaming]

[sighs]

[speaking Minionese]

Huh?

Huh?

Oh!

Oh! [speaks Minionese]

Okay.

[grunts] Okay.

Happy Bir--

- [Benny grunts] - [Minions] Happy Bir--

[grunts]

[balloon squeaks, deflates]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[cheering]

La-la-la!

[chuckles] La-la-la!

[blows]

Ha-ha-hallelujah!

Ha-ha-hallelujah!

Eh, Benny, eh?

Eh, Benny, eh? [giggles]

No. No, no!

- [alarm clock beeping] - [Benny] No. No, no! [sobbing]

[grunting, groaning]

Oh?

Oh? [stammering]

[laughs]

[speaking Minionese]

[all cheering]

["Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves playing]

Oh...

- [grunting] - Oh...

Oh, oh...

- [laughs] - Oh, oh...

[8-bit music playing on TV]

Eh, eh?

Eh, eh? [speaks Minionese]

Eh...

Eh... [exclaims]

Aah!

- [Bob speaking Minionese] - Aah!

Bob!

Bob! [speaking Minionese]

Ooh!

- Ooh! - [groans]

Aah! No!

Aah! No!

[both grunting]

[laughing]

- [speaking Minionese] - [growls]

[speaking Minionese]

Aah! Oh, no!

[gasps] Aah! Oh, no!

Aah! [speaks Minionese] Oh.

Aah! [speaks Minionese] Oh.

Huh?

Huh? [chortles]

Uh...

Uh... [gasps]

Oh, oh... Le-le-le...

Oh, oh... Le-le-le...

le poystick!

le poystick!

[chuckles]

[controller warbles]

Hey...

- [grunts, mutters] - Hey...

Player o...

ANNOUNCER: Player o...

Uh...

- Uh... - [short chuckle]

Player one.

ANNOUNCER: Player one.

Ready.

- Ready. - [exclaiming]

- [whimpers] - [chuckles]

- [laughing] - [8-bit music playing]

Aah! Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no...

Aah! Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no...

Oh... Aah!

- Oh... Aah! - [muffled shouting]

Whoa, ho-ho-ho.

Whoa, ho-ho-ho.

Bingo!

Bingo!

[laughing]

[whimpering]

[groans]

[grunting]

Hey.

- Hey. - [laughs]

Ooh!

Ooh!

- [growls] - [speaks Minionese]

- [barking] - [muttering frantically]

Ay, hop.

Ay, hop.

[screams]

[yelps]

Ow. Ow. Ow.

- Ow. Ow. Ow. - [birds chirping]

[yells]

[triumphant music plays]

Aah! Uh-oh.

- Aah! Uh-oh. - [groaning]

Bikini!

Bikini!

Bikini?

Bikini?

Huh?

- Huh? [grunts] - [Kevin muttering nervously]

You little...

You little...

Whoa-ho-ho!

Whoa-ho-ho!

- [Kevin gibbering nervously] - [others grunting]

Aah!

- [growls] - Aah!

[muttering]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, what'’s he doing?

- MAN: Hey, what'’s he doing? - [Kevin exclaims]

The flag!

MAN: The flag!

[triumphant music plays]

Ah!

Ah! [gasps]

[growls]

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

[shouting]

Oh, we'’re gonna get him!

- MAN: Oh, we'’re gonna get him! - [screams]

[panting]

[shouts]

Eh?

[laughs] Eh?

Uh... uh, S-Stuart, no, no, no.

Uh... uh, S-Stuart, no, no, no.

Eh...

Eh... [laughs]

[Kevin screams]

Hey, he stole the doughnuts!

MAN: Hey, he stole the doughnuts!

Get back here, you punk!

Get back here, you punk!

[Stuart chuckles]

[Kevin whimpering]

- [engine revs] - [gasps]

- [engine idling] - [indistinct conversation]

!¡Ay-ay-ay, caramba!

!¡Ay-ay-ay, caramba!

[sirens wailing]

Come here.

- OFFICER: Come here. - [Kevin shouting]

[screams]

Police! Put the doughnuts down!

Police! Put the doughnuts down!

[screams]

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

[screaming]

[gasps]

[screaming]

Voilà.

Voilà.

Wow.

Wow.

Eh, eh, eh.

Eh, eh, eh.

[puzzled grunt]

[growls]

[Kevin screaming]

[both scream]

Uh...

Uh...

[chuckles]

Ke-Ke-Kevin.

Ke-Ke-Kevin.

Player two, ready.

ANNOUNCER: Player two, ready.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

[speaking Minionese]

[gasps, whimpers]

[screams]

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

[gibbering frantically]

[groans]

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow!

Ow!

[yelps]

No, n-n-n-n-n-no.

[strains] No, n-n-n-n-n-no.

- [grunts] - [laughs]

Eh, eh...

Eh, eh...

[groaning]

[speaks Minionese]

[choppy yelling]

[laughs]

[exclaims]

[grunts]

[panting, munching]

[screams]

[warbles]

[screams]

[laughter]

Yeah!

Yeah!

[cheering]

[laughter]