Original subtitles

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[music]

[dog barking]

WOMAN: Ocean five, Ocean five,

be advised, your suspects are close by.

Multiple warning.

OFFICER: Dispatch, requesting code one.

Suspects exit the vehicle,

Officer Jones in pursuit.

South on 14th approaching Linda Vista.

- [siren wailing] - WOMAN: Ocean seven,

Ocean seven, officer needs assistance.

Code one, proceed at five. South Linda Vista.

[dog barking]

MICHAEL JONES: I'm gonna get you, dawg.

I'm gonna get you, dawg!

You're just making it worse on yourself!

I'm gonna get you!

Gonna bury your ass right into jail -

don't fight it. Don't fight it.

See, now I got to hurt you.

Now, I got to put it on you.

Fat bastard, here we go. [grunts]

I got you now. I do this four times a week.

MICHAEL: I do this in the morning.

I do it before I go to sleep.

Put your hands behind your back. You done.

ONLOOKER: Oh, wow.

What? Shit.

MICHAEL: Yeah, right. Whatever. All that Billy Blanks

- ain't gonna work. - ONLOOKER: Yeah.

MICHAEL: Ain't no Tae Bo gonna save you.

MICHAEL: I got police training,

- right. - Oh, shit!

Y'all get over here. Can't y'all help somebody?

Y'all see what's going on with a brother? Do a citizen thang.

Can't get my cuffs.

Get your hands out of my pocket!

Look what you did to my drawers!

What, are you a freak or something, yo?

Are you serious?

Give me my pants, man. Give me my--give me my pants.

ONLOOKER: [laughs]

Backup! Backup!

ONLOOKER: [laughs]

Damn!

Hey! Hey, fool.

Hey, fuck you.

Hey, what you gonna do?

What you really gonna do?

- [sirens wailing] - [indistinct chatter]

[laughs]

In his drawers. [laughs]

I'm clowning.

[phone ringing]

MICHAEL: Hey, I'm gonna get the job done.

I'm gonna do what I gotta do.

We apprehended the suspect

and he is in county,

waiting on a date right now.

"An officer was found...

"in his drawers,

"handcuffed to the jungle gym,

"in his own handcuffs."

Yup.

But you see, that was a diversion,

okay? So my fellow officers

could move in with the least amount of resistance.

- Back at you. - Yeah.

It seems you often use that exact same tactic.

I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to make the arrest.

I mean, I don't care if I have to use

chewing gum wrapper to slip past intricate alarm systems,

to bust up a stolen car ring.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Bullshit.

That's what you are.

When was your last collar?

My last collar was I--

- When was your last collar? - Guys! Guys!

Tonight is the big night, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Tonight is. - Yes, it is.

Tonight, I make my Ashley an honest woman.

You mean, now she can finally tell how funny-looking you are?

[laughing]

Sorry.

What is with y'all?

You're supposed to be happy for a brother.

We are, man. I mean, I am.

We are happy for you.

- We're just sad for her. - [laughter]

Suck my dick.

Anyway, dawg,

so where you gonna propose at? You know what I mean?

You gonna take her to the beach

or check it out, write it down.

Wait until sunset,

propose when the sun is like

over the horizon, you know what I mean?

It's romantic and it's quiet

and it's just like you and her.

You know what I mean? The sand and all--

[laughing]

- Dude. - Sorry.

Sorry, I was just-- I was just reminiscing.

That's how I proposed to my second wife.

She was a fat-ass though.

She looked nothing like Ashley.

That's a fine piece of ass.

Bam.

You got one more time.

One more time.

But seriously,

I got a proposal that's so hot,

ooh, I'm about to sweep

this woman right off her feet.

- Woo! - OFFICER: Okay.

[music]

SINGER: ♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Uh-huh

♪ I see the light of the world

♪ But I only have eyes...

♪ For you

♪ You're all that I'm needing

♪ For the rest of the day

These are for you.

- You look wonderful. - Thank you.

What are you doing?

I'm doing the right thing.

We've known each other for about a year now, Ashley.

I can't imagine my life before you

and I definitely don't wanna imagine my life without you.

You complete me, baby.

I'm just kidding. I was watching cable last night.

I knew--I knew I'd get you with that one.

[laughing]

No, but seriously, seriously.

I love you with all my heart.

Oh, my God!

Will you marry me?

Oh, my God.

Come on now, girl, before I get rheumatism in my knee.

[laughs] Yes. Yes. Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

I like to make her sweat it out.

[chuckles]

Oh, baby, it's so beautiful.

Come here.

[both giggles]

[classical music playing]

Can I get something to drink for you two?

Uh, yes.

Uh, we'll take a bottle

of Les Paymoo Strange Francais

1988.

I don't believe we carry that--

He's kidding.

Just bring us your best champagne.

- Yeah. - Strange.

Oh, my gosh, we have so much planning to do.

Where are we gonna have it?

What am I gonna wear?

- Who's gonna be our planner? - Oh, babe, babe, babe, babe.

Calm down, okay? Calm down.

We've got plenty of time to plan.

I need to know, are you ready for tomorrow?

Uh, yes.

Yeah.

Our train leaves for LA tomorrow at 12:00.

Cool. I can't wait to break the news to your parents.

Ooh, wait 'til they meet me.

Yeah.

WAITRESS: Your champagne.

- [champagne cork pops] - Now, this is how a man

should be introduced to your family.

- [giggles] - You know, you gotta hide this

until we announce it though.

Right. Right. Yeah.

Hey, you think we should do it on Thanksgiving?

We'll just have to find the appropriate time.

Well, you're right, you're right.

We should just let it happen naturally.

- We should just let it happen-- - Baby,

even if you don't click with my family,

will you still love me?

[scoffs] Of course.

I mean...

of course.

Hey, remember this,

love conquers all.

And I love you.

I love you.

But you know deep down inside

I'm gonna click with your family.

- Do I? - I mean, come on, look at me.

What family could resist these boyish good looks?

- Okay. - I mean, seriously,

look at me, okay? I can borrow a cup of sugar

from any white family on this block.

You know this.

You are so stupid.

- Let's go. - Let's go.

[music]

[train siren wailing]

ASHLEY JENKINS: Mama.

Hey, Daddy.

Well, it's so nice to meet you, baby.

Ooh, Ashley,

you didn't tell me he was this fine.

MICHAEL: Nice to meet you. Heard a lot about you.

Yeah, well, I told my daughter

about putting my business out in the streets.

Have to remember never to fold under questioning.

- Daddy. - Jake.

Would you leave that boy alone?

I was just having a little fun with him.

Come on, boy, put your bags in.

You guys put your bags in the back of the trunk.

Girl, I like what you did with your hair.

MAN: Ow!

- That's mine. - [duck quacks]

Duck hunting.

Oh, that's what I figured. Yeah.

Go on put your bags in there.

SINGER: ♪ Oh, yeah

I was holding those for my boy, back home.

We were...

You wanna just help me with this?

Can we--

we're good.

You know what? You're good.

Okay, there we go. All right.

You can get in the car now.

JAKE JENKINS: So, Mike,

what do you do for a living, son?

ASHLEY: Daddy, don't start.

JAKE: Ashley, baby, correct me if I'm wrong,

but I think I have the right to know

what the nigga that's popping my daughter's coochie

does for a living.

So, son, what is it that you do for a living?

MICHAEL: I'm a cop.

What?

Ashley, you didn't tell me this motherfucker was a pig.

I don't think it mattered anymore.

Jake, come on now, that was many years ago.

Wait, wait, wait, what was years ago?

Jake did some time in the joint

for attempted murder of a police officer.

- That's all. - It wasn't no

motherfucking attempted murder.

- It was self-defense. - Daddy.

I don't wanna hear it, Ashley.

Whatever is said or done

while you and this sell-out are around,

it stays right here.

You understand me?

You got that, pig?

- Huh? - Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[music]

We're gonna talk.

JAKE: Shit.

So, welcome to our humble home, Michael.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, this is nice. This is nice.

This reminds me of my grandmama's house.

MRS. JENKINS: Ashley, come here.

You making fun of my decorations, boy?

Oh, no, it's not even like--

ASHLEY: It's so nice. I love your hair.

It's okay, young blood.

It's okay.

But just remember,

the struggle continues.

You want something?

Soda pop?

Beer?

Donut?

[music]

[Mrs. Jenkins laughs]

You just go ahead and get comfortable.

Is this Italian?

- Yeah, just-- - It's smooth, you know.

- Just glide into it. - Okay. Okay.

So, Ashley, how's work, baby?

It's going really good.

I just got a raise.

Oh, that's wonderful, baby.

Yeah, that's great, baby.

So, Mike, how's work?

Killed any niggas lately?

Jake.

I'm just asking him a couple of questions.

No, I can't say I have.

I'm curious, Mike.

Jake.

Baby, let me just talk to the young man.

Why would a Black man in America wanna be a cop?

I mean, you couldn't think of nothing better to do?

Maybe be a doctor,

a lawyer,

or maybe even a gangster rapper.

I mean, at least they make more money

than a sleazy-ass pig.

Daddy.

All right. All right. All right.

It's gonna take me a minute to get used to this pig shit.

Anyway, Michael,

what are your intentions for my beautiful daughter right here?

Well...

Actually, Ashley and I,

we've been seeing each other for quite some time.

Oh, what's bubblating, family?

I was with y'all all day, okay?

- Hey, June Bug. - Hey, June Bug.

Hiya, sis, how're you doing? Looking all good,

like a video girl, like you've been sprouting up

- and everything. - Hey, June Bug.

So what, you home for Thanksgrubbing or something?

- Yeah. - How Diego treating my bitch?

You still love me there and everything?

It's fine.

Huh. Who this nigga?

My boyfriend, Michael.

How're you doing, June, man?

Anyway, Mom, my stomach killing me.

You know, I ain't ate in like three days.

You know, that's what jail do to a brother

in the drab house, keeping me starving.

I'm going to the kitchen, no,

you ain't gotta follow me or nothing.

- I'll be right back, okay? - Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Hold on, June Bug.

Don't be sticking your fingers in my pots.

I'm not done yet.

- Come here, boy! - [laughs]

Don't let me have to break your fingers off.

So, Mike,

you were saying?

Yeah. Like I was saying,

you know, Ashley and I, we've been seeing each other

for quite some time.

We actually have a little something

we'd like to share with you guys.

Hey, nigger, we gotta ride.

We gotta go to the stizzore.

Mom ain't got enough flizzour and the stizzore closes

in an izzour, so you gotta ride with me right now.

Can't be riding around here by myself, playa.

You know what I'm saying? They out to get me.

I won't be the only target.

Let's go.

- You know, I'm tired. I was... - Just go.

Go on, Michael.

Go on, man.

June Bug gonna show you around.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Jesus Christ, Ashley.

Where did you find that sorry motherfucker from?

JUNE BUG: It's crazy out here, man.

Right there. That's where we're making our kids fight the shit.

- You got kids? - Hell, no.

Do I look like making my kids fight?

You--

Oh, that's where the big homie got shot.

Shot 17 times in the face.

Took them all too like a champ.

They call him Bullet Head.

Oh, yeah, with the bullets.

That makes sense.

Oh, snap.

That's the old rock house right there.

I used to get my serve on in that motherfucker,

- pushing big weight. - You, right there?

- Yeah. - Oh, okay.

- Big weight, huh? - Yeah.

- You did? - Me, man.

- Oh, okay. - Killing it.

- Big weight. - Weight.

Weight.

I like rap.

So, what do you do back at the crib?

Oh, me? Hey, I just cool out,

chill, you know--you know,

kick it on the down low.

You feel me?

You feel me? [chuckles]

Yeah, I've been doing that same shit.

Like not really doing nothing, laying around,

sometimes seeing just how long the fuck

I can lay around without doing shit.

You know, I'm on that.

Hey, man, light this shit and roll it

- and smoke this shit, man. - No. No, no.

I'm straight, man. I'm straight. I'm straight.

You don't smoke, nigga?

What kind of fool, you don't smoke?

I don't trust no nigga that don't smoke.

- What, you a cop or something? - [coughing]

- No, no. I'm good. - JUNE BUG: You're good?

You ain't good 'til you hit this.

Get in there. What do you coughing for?

- I got asthma. - What kind of fool don't smoke?

You know, I--me.

- Me. - I don't trust you, man.

SINGER: ♪ And if you got a problem, that's my leader - ♪

- ♪ Snake, you snake... - Who this--

- who this fool right here? - No, no, no, no.

Now, you stay leaned up, in case the bullets scatter over there.

MICHAEL: What's going on? What's going on?

Fool thinks he can just roll up on me?

No, I'm planning to put in work.

Relax, man. Whoa! Whoa!

What kind of work? What kind of work?

Work, like--work, nigga,

like punch the clock. Work.

June Bug,

what's up, pretty-eyed motherfucker?

- It's T-Bone, nigga. - Shit, man.

You better make it known when you be walking up.

You almost got your cap peeled completely backwards.

Whatever, nigga, we'd have been some

shooting motherfuckers around here.

I'll be the shooting motherfucker here.

No, we be some shooting

motherfuckers around here, nigga.

- You know what I'm saying? - Oh, okay.

You got a little-- I'd have been the shooting

- motherfucker first though. - Whatever, man.

You still coming to the house later or what?

Where y'all gonna be at?

Be at my mom and them house.

Man, you know I love your mama cooking, man.

She making that chitlin dip?

Hell, yeah, you know I'm gonna be down there.

Holler at me, June.

JUNE BUG: Hey, your mama still got them. 45s for sale?

- T-BONE: She ain't got no more. - Damn!

Put the gun down. Put the gun down.

I'm putting it up, man. Be quiet.

Don't act so motherfucking scared next time either.

- [door slams] - Oh,

- there they are. - Hey.

Hey, Michael.

Did you guys have a good time?

You could say that.

- Okay. - What happened to June Bug?

June Bug is at T-Bone's.

JAKE: Not T-Bone.

- [sighs] - Well, you know what that mean.

Degenerate.

Ashley, come help me with the groceries, baby.

Thanks for bringing in the groceries, Michael.

T-Bone?

Sorry.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Michael,

come go with me. I wanna show you something in the den.

Sure.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I have the hardest goddamn time getting off this couch.

My wife put all this plastic.

Oh, Jesus.

Shit.

Goddamn hot mix.

SINGER: ♪ Power, Black power

♪ Power, Black power

- ♪ Power, Black power - Is this you and Huey?

Yeah. That's me and Huey marching on City Hall.

SINGER: ♪ Talking about Black men ♪

♪ Talking about the Jew men

And that picture in the corner, that's me and Eldridge.

- At a march? - No. No.

[chuckles] No.

In the Bahamas on a vacation.

Here you go.

Drink up, young blood.

SINGER: ♪ And niggas start acting ♪

♪ We've got to be in service

♪ We've gotta organize

♪ Be like the mafia

♪ The White Citizens' Council the KKK ♪

- Woo! - That's mother's milk

- right there. - Oh, no. That's a--

that's a--

that's a man's drink, right there.

[laughs]

Look, young blood,

I brought you down here 'cause I wanna rap with you for a taste.

I dedicated 30 years of my life

to the Movement.

Fighting oppression

at the hands of a cold-blooded,

ruthless oppressor.

You understand?

Back in the day,

I was a high-ranking soldier in the Party.

- You understand? - Yeah.

And I didn't raise my daughter

to be with the very motherfucker

that I used to fight with on the streets.

Who murdered and killed

a lot of my comrades in the line of duty.

But I want you to know,

that I will kill you

before I let you be with my daughter.

You understand?

SINGER: ♪ Kill the pigs!

ASHLEY: Hey, guys, come and eat.

SINGER: ♪ Get you one

Come on, let's eat.

I think we're having pork chops.

- Come on. - SINGER: ♪ Like things

♪ Be like time mags -

[chuckles] I know you like pork chops.

SINGER: ♪ And the clock is ticking

SINGER: ♪ Freedom, freedom...

ASHLEY: Did you like it, honey?

- MICHAEL: Oh, yeah. - I told you

- my mama's cooking was good. - Good food--

You want something else to drink?

MICHAEL: No, I'm fine, baby.

- I'm licking the plate. - MICHAEL: I'm fine. I'm good.

Mom, I'm not gonna lie to you.

This food's off the hinges.

Got my stomach bubbling and everything. Great.

Yeah, I missed your cooking, Mama.

- Oh, thank you. - It was great, baby.

- Oh, man. Thank you. - I gotta hand it you,

Mrs. Jenkins, that was a delicious meal.

MRS. JENKINS: Well, I am so glad

- you enjoyed it, Michael. - [chuckles]

You didn't finish your pork chop, Michael.

Well, you know,

I don't eat pork.

You don't what?

I just don't eat pork.

What kind of nigga don't eat pork, hmm?

What type of nigga? You point one out

and show me what kind of nigga. You don't smoke no weed.

ASHLEY: why don't you just leave--

What kind of nigga don't eat pork?

You one of them Mussolinis or something?

- ASHLEY: Just chill. - Muslim. I'm not--

Oh, you trying to correctionalize me?

- You try to correctionalize me? - MRS. JENKINS: No. Nobody

- correctionalizing you. - Oh, oh, oh, I get it.

- I'm sick of this. - I get it.

A pig that don't eat pig.

Oh, Jake.

Dad, I used to be getting your jokes.

I don't really--

I don't get that one. What do you mean?

Your sister Ashley here

has brought a pig into our family.

This motherfucker right here, June Bug,

is one-time.

You a police officer?

You got me ride--Ashley, you got me riding around with this cop?

Why did you have to tell him that?

- Okay. Okay. Okay. - You got 'em somewhere?

- This has gone too far. - I'm gonna search you, nigga.

- You don't have to-- - You a one-time?

This has gone too far.

The point where the cops go home.

MICHAEL: Relax, all right?

You relax. You want me to relax?

ALL: Hey. Hey.

You don't even have to get it.

You feel good, where your mama keep you.

[overlapping chatter]

[music]

My father ate pork. Your father ate pork.

Her father ate pork.

[overlapping chatter]

Hey, hold on. Hold on. Okay. Hold on!

- [indistinct chatter] - Daddy. Stop!

Wait a minute. No. Stop, Daddy.

Come on, don't be upset.

Father and brother are just like that, you know?

What, this is normal for you?

No.

I just know how they are, you know?

Especially my dad, you know, he's just--I don't know.

He's just real stuck in his ways.

Yeah, I can see that. [laughs]

Don't be upset, all right?

I'll make it up to you.

Oh, I know what that means.

[music]

JAKE: I've been saving--

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

MICHAEL: Okay.

[sighs]

Ashley,

now you know goddamn well you know better.

Let's go, Shaft.

You on the couch tonight.

All right. All right.

Thank you.

[chuckles]

You need to go, Shaft.

"Shaft, go sleep on the couch.

"Shaft this, Shaft that." Keep calling me Shaft.

I've got your shaft right here.

Ashley,

how old are you?

Twenty-four.

Remember this,

you ain't never too old to get your ass whipped.

And chop that up in your head a little bit.

Who the hell has a plastic couch in this day and age?

Sweat out five pounds sleeping on this damn bed.

I can't even get freaking comfortable.

- Goddamn! - [dogs barking]

Oh, gotta listen to this shit all night?

Goddamn. [grunts]

Fuck! All right. Come on, just relax.

Just relax. Just relax. Just relax. Just relax.

Come on, just relax. Just relax. Just relax. Damn.

How come she's upstairs? [sobbing]

[dog barking]

You better knock that shit off, Lil' Ray.

Last time I'll tell you, boy. I swear for God,

next time, I'll have you go get me a switch.

Ray, he's just being a kid.

- Uh-hmm. - Ray Ray. Ray Ray.

Hit me again and you won't wake up 'til next week.

RAY RAY: That's why you can't dookie

'cause you don't eat no damn vegetables.

All right. So, look here,

when is sleeping booty gonna wake his ass up anyway?

I don't know.

Why don't we find out?

Hey, Shaft!

Oh, Jake!

JAKE: Shaft, wake it up.

Whoa, Shaft!

Jake, be nice.

Wake it up there, boy.

MRS. JENKINS: Ashley's sister Mookie is here.

And her whole family are dying to meet you.

- Come on in. - Hey.

Have some breakfast with us, honey.

- Woo! - Morning, everybody.

- Good morning. - Morning, baby.

- How you doing? I'm Michael. - Woo!

Goddamn, boy,

you need to brush your teeth.

It smell like you got a naked demon in your mouth.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What did you eat last night, shit?

Hey, hey, hey. Let me--let me go brush.

- All right. [laughs] - I'm just playing, baby.

I'm just playing. I'm just playing.

I'm just playing with you, dawg.

- All right. Okay. You got me. - I'm Ray Ray.

- You got me. You got me. - I'm Ray Ray.

- Ray Ray. Ray Ray. - This is my wife, Mookie.

- How you doing? - Hi. It's nice to meet you.

That's my little bad-ass son, right there. Ray Jr.

That's Lil' Ray. Holler.

Holler back.

Go on have a seat, Michael.

Help yourself to some breakfast.

Mookie cooked breakfast for us this morning.

Oh, all right. Thank you, Mookie,

- 'cause I sure am hungry. - That's right.

Go on and help yourself to some of that pork sausage,

brought that straight from Georgia.

- Yeah. - Good pork sausage.

Ray Ray,

you know, Michael here don't eat no pork.

- What? - Mmm-hmm.

ASHLEY: Daddy, why don't you just shut up sometimes?

Girl, you're about to get your fucking head knocked off.

Don't you ever tell your daddy to shut up.

I'll turn this goddamn table over on you.

MAN: Get ready. In five, hut, hut!

- COMMENTATOR: Straight ahead. - JAKE: There you go.

- There you go. There you go. - COMMENTATOR: Scott missed him.

[laughs]

Touchdown, baby.

Jenkins, I tell you, them boys ain't shit.

Oh, they dig it into that ass there, boy. [laughs]

Go through this every year. Every goddamn year.

Hey, Ray Ray, it's good to see you, you know.

Now you're gonna be at the picnic, right?

'Cause I need you to bring some of that pork.

- Those sausages? - I can't do it, man.

I gotta take Lil' Ray Jr. to the doctor.

Boy ain't dookied in a week.

The boy ain't boo-booed in a whole week?

Hell no. And I'm worried about him, man.

The little ass just backed up.

I told you he don't eat enough goddamned vegetables.

Yeah, you gotta eat vegetables.

Hey, how's it going in here, fellas?

Hey. What we got going?

What we got going? Who's playing?

Damn, let me move over some, boy.

Oh, we got-- oh, we got room. Hey.

COMMENTATOR: And it's good.

So three missed punts in the third quarter...

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.

What the fuck did you do?

Take a bath on a goddamn cologne?

Yeah, boy, what kind of French shit is that

you're wearing?

It's called Yves Jean Rene.

Chardonnay? Ain't that liquor, boy?

No. No.

I'm just playing with you, boy. We're here watching the game.

Hey, you! [chuckles]

Mmm-hmm.

That's my team right there. That's my team.

They ain't shit.

They're losing like a motherfucker.

I told you they ain't shit, Jenkins.

All right. So what do you do for a living there, Mike?

- Well, I'm-- - Ray Ray,

your boy Mike is a pig.

What--what's that,

the mascot for a local rib joint or food chain or something?

No, no, no.

Pig as in pig. Po-po.

Five-O. Johnny Law.

Oh, locking motherfuckers up.

Oh, okay. How long have you been doing that?

As long as they've been letting sell-out niggas like this

on the force.

About five years.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I like that shirt. Where did you get that shirt?

Oh, you like this?

MICHAEL: Yeah, no, I like it, yeah.

Yeah, boy, this is some sexy shit, ain't it?

- I'm a trash man. - You got that out of the trash?

Well, you find a lot of surprising stuff in the trash.

All types of good shit you can use.

Toothpaste, lotion,

soap, mouthwash, breath mints.

- Lot of good shit in the trash. - [doorbell ringing]

Young blood, help me out.

Go get the door for me.

Get the goddamn door.

Yeah, no, I was planning on getting it.

[sighs]

Jenkins, why didn't you tell me this motherfucker

was a cop, man? You know I'm on probation.

- Hola. - Hola.

You are June Boog?

Or June Bug?

No, no, no. I'm Michael.

JAKE: Hey, Shaft, who is it?

It's for June Bug.

JAKE: Well, let him in, dipshit.

You ordered the mail-order bride?

Oh, me? No, no, no. I don't know--

Yes, yes, yes, we must-- how do you say?

Make love.

Make babies.

No, no, no. We don't make no babies.

- Yes, yes. - Hey, Shaft. Let her--

I can't handle--hey, hey.

Hey.

That is for June Bug.

Don't just stand there. What, you waiting for her to kiss you?

Go knock on the goddamn door, boy.

No, yeah, I was just about to do that,

I was just about to do that.

- JUNE BUG: Fuck you. - It's Michael.

Hell you want, nigga?

You got--you got company.

- Is she pregnant?

It's a mail-order bride.

Hell, no!

Damn! You fine in person

and just like you are in your picture. Shit!

- I'm Lupe. I'm the-- - Lupe el--

--mail-order bride from Santo Domingo.

Oh, El hello ho.

You ordered the mail-order bride?

I sure did. Let me look at you, I wanna see you.

- Dig it. Oh, snap. - June Bug, June Bug.

- Knock it out of the park. - [speaks Spanish]

Told you I was gonna make something of myself, Daddy.

Babies, oh, yeah, yeah.

Come here. Watch them, they the Feds.

LUPE: Okay. Ooh, ooh, we could go--

Come here, I need you right here.

[Lupe screams]

MAN: I wrote the book Dominoes for Blood back in '76.

- Dominoes for Blood? - Dominoes for Blood,

- I wrote that back in '76. - Hell of a book.

- Hell of a title that is. - Hell of a book.

- That done put it on them. - Up this fucking bullshit.

- Lay it down. - [screams]

Twenty-five, motherfucker.

Now if you gonna keep sticking your ass out there like that,

somebody gonna confuse your masculinity.

[laughs]

Okey-dokey, pokey.

What the fuck are you laughing at?

It's your play, young blood.

And you better come with some shit.

Man, relax, take it easy, dawg.

Nigga, are you ovulating? Go on, play, dawg.

Play it, man. Calm down.

I got this, I got this, I got this.

Fifteen.

Sure is.

- Fifteen. - That's a 15,

if ever I saw a 15.

The big one and a fiver.

Come on, Ashley baby,

I need you to come help me with the food, come on.

Mama, I was kind of enjoying myself with the boys.

Oh, girl, come on here. That boy ain't going nowhere.

ASHLEY: All right, meet me over there.

Mmm-mmm-mmm!

Look at the swing on that back porch.

Woo! That girl got a ass like a horse.

[mimicking horse]

Woo! She sure got a hell of a future behind her.

Yeah, but she walk like her pussy ain't no good.

- MAN: Oh, not to me. - What she need to do,

try one of them ninja trois with me.

Get a second opinion.

Now, you thinking about menage a trois.

MAN: Whatever, nigga.

No, no, no, you got some freaking going on right there.

That my wife and my daughter

you're talking about there, nigga.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, dawg, my bad, we didn't know.

Okay, all right.

Let's get back to the game.

- All right. What's the count? - The count?

Okay. All right. Okay, my man, you got five.

Of course, young blood, he's got two houses.

And, of course, that means you got, um...

zero. [laughs]

- Oh, man. - You know what?

I let you off the hook with my wife.

I'm about to bust your fucking ass.

Sit down, dawg, don't get excited.

- Hold up, don't get excited. - [all clamoring]

Hold him, hold him. Hold him, dawg.

- Come on! - Mr. Jenkins. Mr. Jenkins.

Boy, you're lucky.

You're lucky they grabbed you, I know that.

Relax. Relax. Hey, look, relax,

all right, it's not worth it, all right. Just let it go.

You're goddamn right, it's worth it.

You let them two niggas talk about my daughter,

you ain't say a damn thing.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, look, let it go.

You're just like a damn P.

Y'all only brave when you got your badge

and your little gun on you.

- Look... - We gonna see,

we gonna see.

- Hey. - What's up?

We're looking for somebody

to play all-time quarterback over here.

No, I'm cool.

What? You scared?

Am I--am I--

oh, you think I'm scared?

Bring it on.

All right, look.

We gonna run deep outs on these fools, all right?

All right, here we go, here we go, you're gonna run like this.

Okay, but you gotta sell that fake, you gotta sell that.

And you, you gonna run like this, all right.

Remember, like that. You got to juke them right there.

Okay. And the rest of you two, you block, okay?

Hey, hey, hey, hey. No long faces, all right.

We a team, all right? Break on three.

All right, bring it in, bring it in, bring it in.

One, two, three, break.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, punk.

Y'all better bring your A-game today

because I'm gonna sack your bitch ass for sure.

Down, set, hut, hut, hut!

- BOY: Come on and get it! - Come on and get it!

Come on and get it. Yeah.

Block me. I'm the hustler.

[grunts] Oh, hey man.

Oh, oh, hey.

Got you, nigga.

Told you to bring your A-game.

Punk.

Fat bastard.

Oh, that's how we're gonna play?

All right, look.

Just block.

Hey, anybody know who to contact

in case there's emergency for this coward?

'Cause this nigga is going down for good this time.

Down, set, hut.

LITTLE HUCK: One alligator, two alligator,

three alligator, four alligator...

[Michael] [jeering] Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh.

Huh, huh. Ah!

Kicked your bitch ass now,

yeah, uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Look at all y'all faces,

all y'all faces. Yeah.

Get your butt up.

Come on, guys. It's cool, no.

We just playing.

We just playing.

SINGER: ♪ I'm running for your love

♪ Oh, and I won't get tired

MICHAEL: I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry.

SINGER: ♪ Said I'm running, running, running for your love ♪

MICHAEL: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I didn't hurt the boy.

Oh, damn.

SINGER: ♪ And I won't stop coming by

- JAKE: I'm sorry, baby. - MRS. JENKINS: Don't do that.

I ain't seen a motherfucker run like that

since Jesse Owens.

[laughs]

Mike,

how did you learn to run like that?

- Chasing niggas? - Oh, come on, Jake.

Leave that boy alone, that's not nice.

- I'm just saying, baby. - Oh, come on, now.

Look, y'all still hungry? I'll tell you what,

I'll fix you some leftovers.

And you stop laughing at him. Be nice.

Run, nigga, run.

Run from the man. [laughs]

It's okay, baby, I still love you...

even though you ran.

I was not running.

I was looking for a more secure place

to settle our differences. There were kids out there.

- I know. - They were little.

Very small.

This is not how I intended for this to go, okay?

Your father is never gonna approve of me marrying you.

- He'll come around. - Oh, like hell he will.

Baby, I love you no matter what, all right?

My family is my family, but you're my boo,

my husband to be.

Nobody's gonna come in between that.

Love conquers all.

Isn't that hat you told me the night of our engagement?

- I love you. - [siren wailing]

[knocking on door]

[sigh] Hold that thought.

Hey, Monster, what are you doing here?

How you doing, baby?

I heard you was back in town, just come by to see you.

ASHLEY: Oh, okay.

Who's this nigga?

This is my boyfriend, Mike.

Nice to meet you, homie.

Yeah, no, we cool.

Nice to meet you, Monster, it was?

Yeah, Mr. Monster.

Mister--that's cool. [clears throat]

You know what? I've always had a crush on you,

you know that, right, sweetheart?

- Let me just get my arm out. - Yeah.

Yeah, you told me.

Did you and Ashley go to school together or something?

You know what? You look better

than you did last time I saw you.

- Thank you. - MRS. JENKINS: Ashley,

can you come give me a hand real quick?

Oh, gotta go, thanks.

Hmm, yeah.

- [laughs] - You know, I was--

Hey, man, shut your punk ass up.

Okay. I got you.

I'll spit all over you, you hear me?

Where you from?

San Diego.

No, I said what set you from?

Set? I don't-- I don't follow you.

Oh, you know what I mean, nigga.

What set, what hood, what gang you from?

Gang--oh, no, no, no, I'm not--hold it.

Just give me a little room, little room, little room.

I'm not--I'm not into all that. I'm just not into all that.

- What are you into? - Actually, I'm a...

You--what was that word you were about to say?

Come on, come on, say it, say it,

or I'm gonna beat your ass, say it.

Cop.

Help.

Help.

Let him go! Let him go, Monster! Let him go!

No, this is your last day on Earth, cop!

One-time killed my brother.

You gonna die today, pig.

[screams]

Daddy? Monster, he tripping again.

I'm gonna bust your ass up too, bitch.

What did I tell you? What did I tell your big ass?

Not to step foot in my goddamn house again.

Motherfucker!

Bust your ass again like I did the last time.

I was just leaving, Mr. Jenkins.

You'd better! Before I pop another cap up in your ass.

Big son of a bitch.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. He started choking me by surprise. I--

Not you, asshole.

I'm talking to my daughter. You all right, baby?

I'm fine, Daddy.

I'm fine.

And you're supposed to be a goddamn cop.

The shit I do for your love.

You hungry?

MICHAEL: So your dad really wanted you

to marry this Malik guy?

Yeah.

I mean, his dad and my dad,

they were both in the Party together and...

it kind of seemed like the perfect match, you know?

- Up until he robbed that bank. - What?

Yeah. Yeah, he's been in jail for the past five years.

How much time did he get?

- Quadruple life. - Quadru--

and this is the man your dad wanted you to marry?

Yeah.

[laughs]

I love you, Ashley, but I ain't robbing no banks

for your ass or your daddy's approval.

Ashley.

Don't forget where you are, young lady.

Now, this thing came in the mail for you today.

What is it?

Some kind of tape.

Didn't have a return address on it.

Why not pop it in and see what's on it?

Come on, baby, break this up right here,

let's make a little space, eh?

Yup -

I can never get comfortable on this couch.

Where'd that come from?

They don't even serve corn in here.

Look, baby, it's Malik.

Hey, baby. It's Malik.

Daddy, do we have to watch this?

MALIK: How come you block all my calls

at every residence you move to?

Ashley, let's just watch it and see what he has to say,

it might be something really nice.

And return all my letters.

Unread.

I just thought maybe you want to holler at a nigga.

Thanks to this new videogram program,

put together by Governor Schwarze-nigger,

I'm able to send you this small visual massage.

Just for you.

They say it helps keep us grounded in reality.

You're probably wondering why I sent you this,

'cause you got a big old, fat, juicy ass, girl,

and the motherfucking titties. Woo!

Them motherfuckers float over my head

every night when I'm dreaming.

Plus, Daddy just wanna make sure his baby girl all right.

Me? I'm cool. You know what I'm saying?

Long as there ain't no crooked cop

trying to assassinate me, getting shanked by a nigga.

Motherfucker trying to, you know,

inmates sodomize a motherfucker,

treat me like I'm some kind of fairytale shit.

You know what I'm saying?

Or a motherfucker get some food poisoning

with all that bullshit they serving down there.

Still trying to figure out how the fuck I get corn in my shit,

and they ain't even had that motherfucking shit in here.

Other than that,

prison's been a positive,

positive experience.

I never told you what went wrong

with the "alleged" bank robbery.

You know, it wasn't the "alleged" bank robbery

that got me quadruple life, no.

It was the amount of explosives

and arsenic they found at the crib.

They tried to charge me with a terrorist act.

I ain't no motherfucking terrorist!

I don't fit the motherfucking description,

George Bush, boy!

Anyway, I just opened up 'cause,

I guess it's my institutionalized way

of saying... I'm sorry.

You knows, what we had, baby, was special.

You remember that time, your high school prom,

when I came to pick you up?

And everybody like, "Who the fuck this old dude?

"You know, coming to, you know, grab a little shorty," right?

Like I was some kind of child molester or some shit.

You know what I'm saying? Remember I bust caps in the air,

and all them little bitches ran?

All right. I took you down to the Bonaventure.

And I taught you how to do it tiger-style.

I will never forget that shit, I know you won't, either.

Power of duct tape.

Hmm.

Girl, there ain't a day go by in this motherfucker

I don't think about you.

You know what I'm saying?

When I'm shanking the shit out of a motherfucker,

I'm thinking about you, girl.

Yeah, when I'm squirting a motherfucker

with lighter fluid all between that motherfucker's cell,

and I drop that match on that bitch.

Whoosh!

I'm thinking about you, girl.

When I'm in this motherfucking cell,

by myself late at night.

You know what I'm saying?

You know, I'm not really by myself,

'cause I got my bitches, you know what I'm saying?

Uh-hmm.

I got my motherfucker...

Petroleum jelly.

$1.99.

Commissary.

They got deals up in this bitch.

And I start beating up on the defendant.

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

I'm thinking about you, girl.

Daddy, please shut this off.

- [smooches] - [prison cell closes]

MAN: Guard, get in here. He's doing it again.

Guard?

Oh, man, what the fuck you want?

Every time a nigga try to get a jack session here,

here come your tight-suit-wearing

motherfucking ass.

MAN: Stand your ass up against the wall.

MALIK: Fuck, no, nigga.

GUARD: Put your hands down, where the hell you going?

MALIK: Nigga, you gonna jack it off for me?

- GUARD: Get down on-- - MALIK: Pull the--

[squeaking]

JAKE: What the fuck you looking at, you bubble-eyed bastard?

Cover's on the side of the couch, Keystone Kop.

And, Ashley, I think it's about time

you made your way upstairs to go to bed.

[growls]

Tiger-style.

[growls]

Whatever.

[static]

[music]

Michael?

Baby.

What are you doing here?

What do you think?

What about your daddy?

What about him?

I'm a big girl now.

Big girls do big people things.

Oh, baby.

Really, we should--

- Should what? - We should keep this PG-13.

Okay.

Oh.

Oh.

Hmm.

Oh.

Baby, be gentle.

I will.

Oh, that's it.

Fuck!

Whoo!

Don't stop, baby. All right.

[thuds]

Wake it up, asshole.

[woman imitates tiger growl]

Oh!

- Gosh! - It's breakfast.

You might wanna put that thing away,

'cause we don't want no hard dicks at the breakfast table.

[groaning]

[woman screams]

[Michael groans]

Phew.

Well, good morning, baby.

Good morning, baby. Oh. Oh.

Ooh. Good morning.

- Ooh. - ASHLEY: Okay.

Michael, this is my grandma and grandpa.

Oh, great, okay, it's a pleasure to meet you,

Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins.

ASHLEY: Oh, no, baby.

This is my mama's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Brown.

Yeah, and you get that shit right.

Very nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Brown.

Glad to meet you, too, son.

MICHAEL: We good, we good, we good.

It's very nice to meet you, Patrick.

You'll have to excuse her, she's a little senile.

What?

Oh, no, no.

It's okay, it's okay.

He's a nice young man.

Hmm. Hmm.

Too bad you couldn't have met a nice young man.

Now I done said something to you before about that shit.

Don't come up here and start no shit with me.

Not today, please, Papa.

Come on, Papa, it's Thanksgiving.

Oh, you need to shut up.

Your man ain't about shit, either.

Your daddy about to get his old light-skinned ass whooped.

- That's what's going to-- - Paul will beat you like--

Hey, hey!

Can't we just be civil for five minutes?

This is Michael's first visit with us.

You want the young man to think we a bunch of lunatics?

We is.

Yeah, you're right.

What is it you do for a living, Mike?

Somebody pass me the bacon.

I'm a police officer.

Oh.

As in, "cop"?

Yes.

Might be nice to have a cop in the family.

MRS. BROWN: Wonderful.

Really?

MR. BROWN: Yeah, really.

Yeah.

I've got a couple of moving violations,

maybe you could kind of--

We talk about that later, you know,

'cause I don't do that for everybody.

Yeah, he doesn't really do that.

You know, it's really not a-- when I'm talking about--

you know, we can talk about that later.

JUNE BUG: Good morning, y'all, what's up? Good morning.

- MR. BROWN: Hey, June Bug! - JUNE BUG: Mama, Papa!

MRS. BROWN: Oh, what's up?

June Bug! All right.

MRS. BROWN: How you doing, baby?

Grandma looking all senior sexy in here.

[sniffing]

What's that I smell?

Nothing.

MR. BROWN: Bullshit!

That's reefer I smell.

You've been smoking reefer without your granddad again?

No, Grandpa, you know I wouldn't do that to you.

- I saved you some, you know. - [laughing]

Some of that biblical-type mind--

- get into your mind. - Hey, hey, hey.

Careful what you say now.

You know, we got the cops in here.

Uh-hmm.

Babylon is in the house.

Hmm.

Five-O.

Morning.

JUNE BUG: Morning, neez.

Kind of uncomfortable with me sitting this close, ain't it?

Shoulder to shoulder.

You're used to me being in the back seat,

locked up, handcuffed.

Do something now.

Do something now!

Anyway, before I was so cop-fully interrupted,

Later on, at the dinner we's having tonight,

- the Thanksgiving one. - Uh-hmm.

Right. I was gonna announce my engagement to Lupe,

my mail-order bride,

I got her over there from like Monte,

like one of them old place mess,

she like from places where they don't--

you know, where they be speaking other than what I say.

Like I say this, and they say something else.

Unfortunately, before we had a chance to cons--

Consummate.

Cons--what? Mama? The word you told me--

MRS. JENKINS: Consummate.

JUNE BUG: Before we got a chance to get together,

she ran off with Hector, the gardener.

[all exclaiming]

MRS. BROWN: That dirty bitch.

Mama.

[laughing]

I was talking about she was more comfortable with him, you know,

and she says, you know,

she's all happy and stuff now probably.

Keeping it pimping like Daddy.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Keep it pimping like Daddy from now on.

I ain't--all that love shit, like you said, Daddy,

after the motherfucking, "Ten years, fuck the bitch,"

remember that?

Daddy was like, "After 10 years,

"what the fuck I need her for?

"Your mama barely got by,"

you remember you was me telling me about that?

You were like, "She was cool, but it wasn't the way--"

You remember him says?

You talking about her coming?

MICHAEL: Hey, you know,

Ashley and I,

we kind of have an announcement of our own.

Um...

we've been dating for quite some time.

JAKE: You know what? I'm done eating.

Yeah, I'm tired, too, man.

I'm feeling sleepy right now.

Grandpa, you wanna go do that?

I'm so tired.

MR. BROWN: Yeah, let's go do that.

RAY RAY: I'm right behind you.

MR. BROWN: Yeah.

Don't you all just drop the dishes in the sink,

rinse them off first, okay?

MOOKIE: We know, we know, Mama, we know.

I don't believe we've met.

Huh?

MAN: We'll be right back with Dark Wolf,

part of our Thanksgiving Day horror marathon.

MAN: Can I touch you tonight.

[music]

MAN: He touched you.

You tried to make out in the diner,

you said you're ready to grind?

WOMAN: I-I-I don't-- what are you talking--

SINGER: ♪ It's about twelve o'clock

♪ And the world's just right

♪ For me to give you all I've got ♪

♪ So, come on

Well, this is some marathon.

Yeah.

WOMAN: Why, why?

MAN: Never said anybody touching that.

SINGER: ♪ Move a little closer now

♪ Let me get on real, real smooth ♪

♪ Even though she's coming now

♪ I wanna get freaky with you

♪ Now, take off your shoes, darling ♪

♪ Unbutton your shirt now

Um...

Excuse me.

Would you help me with a little something in the back?

Oh. I'd be happy to.

SINGER: ♪ I know that you wanna be there ♪

♪ Best believe that I want it to ♪

♪ Lets - there's much that we can do ♪

[Mrs. Brown moaning]

MR. BROWN: Come on, pussy, that's it.

MRS. BROWN: Oh, it's sure on, Daddy!

[Mr. Brown laughing]

MRS. BROWN: You gonna give me some head, too?

- Did your grandmom and-- - Don't ask.

[Mrs. Brown moaning]

[laughing]

Yeah, you know, everybody was out there

waiting for the goddamn turkey.

I burned the whole goddamn turkey.

It had the stuffing and the plastic

all stuck up inside the goddamn thing.

- MRS. JENKINS: Oh, my Lord! - [laughs]

How do you bring that shit up right now?

I thought my daddy was never gonna leave you alone

about that one, boy.

Yeah, well, he hasn't.

He brought it up earlier.

Which brings me to my next point.

You see the way in which my father treats you?

JAKE: Yeah, I see that.

You don't like it, do you?

Never have.

Where you going with this, baby?

You're treating Michael the same way, Jake.

No, it ain't the same.

Uh-hmm. Yes, it is.

No, it ain't. No, it--goddamn, it ain't.

Now, that boy's a stinking-ass cop,

and you know how I feel about cops.

Oh, come on, now. You need to get over that.

You know, you are much too old

to still be stuck in all that revolutionary,

seize-the-time Black power crap.

Now, I know damn well this ain't coming from the same woman

who used to march side by side with me

and had the big-ass afro,

the pick with the fist on it,

and that damn dashiki, I know you not talking no shit.

Well, if you haven't noticed, I moved on, brother.

You know, I joined the work force.

And what's that got to do with the struggle, baby?

It's a different world today, Jake.

You got everybody wanting to be a thug instead of a man.

You ought to be glad she not walking up in here

with some gang-banger named Poop Dog,

with his pants hanging half off his ass.

Well, baby, ain't nothing wrong with that,

that's the way they wear their pants today,

that's the style.

Oh, please.

Please, if we'd have had it your way,

she'd have ended up married to that damn Malik, then what?

She'd be his ninth baby mama by now.

She'd be raising the child all by herself,

while he's stuck in the joint doing life.

Quadruple life.

Exactly.

You know, you ought to be glad she walked up in here

with a man got a job,

who seem to be about something.

Jake, baby, you know, you keep this up,

all you gonna do is push Ashley

further and further away from the both of us.

[music]

[music]

Better not nobody say nothing about my potatoe salad, okay?

Took me three days to make this,

I don't wanna hear no,

"Who made the potatoe salad?"

Or it's gonna be on.

Hmm.

[all sniffing]

Hmm.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, so, Ashley, what's up with you and Michael?

I mean, y'all talking marriage, babies, or what?

Maybe.

Well, I think he's a very nice young man.

- MRS. BROWN: Uh-hmm. - MOOKIE: I think he's a keeper.

I think so, too.

I just get so upset that Daddy and him

aren't getting along, you know?

Oh, sweetie-pie, you can't be with who your daddy like.

- Yeah. - Girl, I can't think

of one boyfriend I had that Daddy did like.

The last one I had that he liked was Malik.

Now that ought to tell you something.

- Uh-hmm. - ASHLEY: Right.

Is that boy still locked up?

Four life sentences.

- I think so. - Oh!

Oh, goodness!

Baby, you know when your mama and daddy first got together,

I thought your daddy was a real piece of shit,

but she up and married him anyway.

Uh-hmm.

Thank you, Mama.

Oh, you're welcome, baby.

[laughs]

You know what, baby?

As long as he hitting that spot like he's supposed to,

you know everything is all right.

Uh-hmm.

Where your daddy at?

Ooh.

Mr. Brown?

Mr. Brown.

Oh.

[groans]

Mr. Brown.

Go, go, go!

Ain't this part a bitch?

The boy did fumble the ball on the one-yard line.

How in the hell do you drop the ball on the one-yard line?

- Damn! - Boy.

I done told you about cussing in other people's houses.

Get your little ass out of here.

I wonder where the hell he get that shit from.

Probably from you, you ignorant ass.

Keep talking, wheelchair bitch.

And what, punk?

And I'm gonna whoop off of your old senior citizen ass

like your step-daddy should have, you son of a bitch.

- You freckle-faced bitch. - Hey, hey, hey!

Y'all come on now, it's Thanksgiving.

Get this pussy out of my face.

You better give thanks that I don't whoop off

of your old, ancient, last-supper ass.

Baby.

- Any time, junior. - Okay.

- Any time! - Grandpa. Damn.

Dinner's ready, y'all.

Y'all think y'all can stop fighting

long enough so we can eat?

I'll let him slide that long.

- Hands-- - Come on, go, go, go.

Come on. I'm gonna take the batteries out of your pacemaker

- and hide your wheelchair. - Baby!

Take this battery, bitch.

COMMENTATOR: Scott Stevens open in the wide out.

Oh, and it's a completed pass to Stevens!

Right on his fingertips.

This is the first game.

- Good game this one. - COMMENTATOR: Twenty-yard line.

He's approaching the red zone.

And it looks like it's going to be a real ballgame today, folks.

[music]

[indistinct chatter]

MRS. JENKINS: Let's bless the table.

All right.

All right.

I know y'all weren't gonna say no grace without me, right?

June Bug, sit your crazy ass down.

MRS. JENKINS: Let's bless our table.

Bow our heads.

Dear heavenly Father, thank you for yet

- another Thanksgiving together. - [sirens wailing]

MRS. JENKINS: Thank you for my entire family,

as well as our new extended family member, Michael.

We thank you for this food,

and we pray that the hands that prepared it are blessed.

Amen.

- ALL: Amen. - MRS. BROWN: Amen, daughter.

Amen.

Let's grub, let's grub, let's grub!

Get back into hearing amen and all that stuff.

And whatever come after "A" and "men" and get the...

June Bug, get your fingers out the turkey.

In front of people, don't do it?

- What's wrong with you? - MR. BROWN: Everything.

Hmm.

These candy yams look delicious.

Yes. My Mama made them. They are so good.

Oh, thank you, baby.

Aren't you gonna try some of my honey-roasted ham?

Oh, I'm afraid I don't-- I don't eat pork, ma'am.

Don't eat pork?

A Black man that don't eat pork is a traitor to his race.

Don't be rude, boy.

Go on and eat some of the ham. The ham is good.

[music]

Got cloves in it.

MRS. BROWN: Yeah, just try a little taste.

MR. BROWN: Yeah, eat it up.

MRS. BROWN: Go on, just take a tiny little piece.

All right, just for you.

Ju-just a little piece.

Just a little piece.

There you go.

Oh, baby, that ain't enough

to even get a good taste.

- No, no. - Come on and try this ham.

- No, no-- - Come on.

- JAKE: Yes, shove it down. - MR. BROWN: Yeah.

- Chew, nigga. - JUNE BUG: Get used to that.

RAY RAY: Chew. Don't be bullshitting with it.

It's, um...

it's, um...

it's good.

It's real good.

Good.

Anybody else want some ham?

- ALL: No. - No, thank you, Mama.

No, we cool. I ain't--I can't do it now.

- No. - No, thank you.

ASHLEY: Love you, Grandma.

RAY RAY: Give that to the guest.

Lil' Ray, that's enough.

But that's all I want.

You better eat all of them vegetables up

or your stomach be hurting and you'll be backed up.

Potatoe salad.

Now, that's my favorite right here.

Who made the potatoe salad?

RAY RAY: This motherfucker...

- JUNE BUG: Oh, shit. - ALL: Oh.

Why, huh?

Why, nigga? Huh?

You don't walk into a fast-food restaurant

and ask who's on fries, do you, huh?

Do you roll up into Roscoe's

and ask who's grilling the motherfucking waffles?

Huh? No, no, no, you don't.

So, why does it matter who made the damn potatoe salad?

It-it-it don't really matter.

Exactly my point.

Now, scoop some up on your punk-ass plate

and shut the fuck up.

- Now! - Scooping. Scooping.

RAY RAY: Scoop it, nigga. Scoop, nigga.

- Eat it all, look at him. - RAY RAY: Scoop right here.

He didn't mean it, Mookie.

Another scoop. That's two scoops.

You know he didn't mean it.

There's nothing wrong with your potatoe salad.

MR. BROWN: Shit.

Your potatoe salad is dry.

MRS. BROWN: Yeah, it like the desert.

- [laughing] - Yes. That's right.

It is not dry.

I just didn't have enough mayonnaise last year.

That's right.

What about the year before last?

[laughing]

All right. All right, dear.

I mean, what about that nasty ham that Grandma makes?

What?

I thought it was good.

- Shut your ass up. - Shut up.

You about to get your ass whipped, boy.

Since we're speaking of nasty,

what about this nasty-ass raw turkey

we be eating every year?

JAKE: You better watch your damn mouth.

That's turkey?

You know what, son of a bitch?

I'm gonna tell you one goddamn thing.

I didn't want you at this goddamn Thanksgiving dinner.

Now, this turkey is good.

This is a good goddamn turkey.

It ain't nothing wrong with this turkey.

The turkey is just rare.

Rare, my ass.

The turkey is raw.

It's raw every goddamn year.

- JAKE: Fuck you. - Last year, you cooked up

the damn plastic bag

with the giblets still inside the goddamn turkey.

And the plastic bag was raw.

You say another fucking word,

I'll carve that hat right off your goddamn head.

The shit is raw and bad.

You raw, motherfucker.

Your ass is raw.

That's why I have to drink this messed-up punch,

to wash the shit down.

You said you liked my punch, Papa.

ALL: Oh!

JUNE BUG: Oh, man!

[indistinct chatter]

[music]

Oh, oh, they gonna be cracking in here

the way I like it.

Oh, no, I ain't taking no ass-whooping.

- What the fuck you gonna do? - Take the goddamn carver

and just carve his Black ass up, Ray Ray.

Whip his ass!

That ain't your son, no way. That ain't...

Get him, Grandpa! Let him have it, Grandpa!

[yelling]

You better sit your ass down.

RAY RAY: You better hold that, nigga.

[yelling continues]

MR. BROWN: Bring your bags.

I'm getting out of this ragged motherfucker as soon as I can.

Oh.

Never forgiving that fool.

I don't need to--come on, get the hell out.

I don't give a goddamn.

If we wanted to be treated like this,

we could have gone to the local shelter,

and had dinner with the homeless and the underprivileged.

Well, you know what, you son of a bitch?

Next time you can do that shit.

- Stop it, Jake! - JAKE: I don't like

your goddamn father, he don't like me.

That ain't the point. These are my parents.

Mama, Daddy, please stay. I'm sorry.

What's she sorry about?

She is sorry because she allowed her family

to be so rude to her mother and her father.

MRS. BROWN: Who's her mother and father?

- Do we know them? - Jesus Christ, she's crazy.

- The fucking bitch-- - Mama. Oh, stop it!

Come on, baby, let's get the hell on out of here.

JAKE: That'll be a good goddamn idea.

- Come on, Daddy. - What--wait, wait, wait...

- We'll see you again. - All right.

We'll have you back for Christmas.

Wh-wh-where we gonna have Thanksgiving dinner?

Oh. Mama.

MR. BROWN: Come on, Mama.

- Oh. Come back Christmas, Mama. - Okay.

Hmph!

Take your ragged-ass hat with you.

- Oh, stop! - Take that shit and...

Jake!

- I'm tired of it. - It took me three damn days

to make that damn potatoe salad.

You would think for once I wouldn't have to hear,

"Who made the potatoe salad?"

RAY RAY: Hey, what, I'mma knock the filings out

- that son of a bitch ass. - It was good.

- It was good. - MRS. JENKINS: I know.

Y'all, I'm sorry I acted the way I did,

but your albino-possessed-ass daddy can French kiss my ass.

I'm with you. I'm with you.

Hey, Ray Ray, you be good.

Holler back at me now.

Well, there goes Thanksgiving.

I told you when I seen that little boy,

the little motherfucker was gonna be trouble.

It wasn't his fault, Daddy.

Yeah, whatever.

God!

There's plenty of food left if y'all still hungry.

Thanks, Mom.

June...

You have the right to remain motherfucking silent.

Anything the fuck you say,

can and will be used against your ass

in the streets I'm motherfucking with.

[music]

This is all my fault.

No, it's not.

Believe it or not, this kind of thing

happens all the time.

Thanks, but that really doesn't make me feel much better.

Well, we're leaving tomorrow.

Everything will be fine when we get home.

Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What about making the engagement announcement?

- It's gonna have to wait. - Ashley.

Look, I'm sorry, but--

sorry, we'll just have to talk about it

on the train tomorrow, okay?

Wow.

Try to get some sleep.

Frank, yeah, what's up, man?

Yeah, this is Mike.

Man, I know I haven't talked to you since the academy,

I know.

And I missed your wedding, and your son's circumcision.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all that, okay,

but that-that's not important.

This is important. I need a big favor.

- MRS. JENKINS: All right, baby. - [Jake moaning]

MRS. JENKINS: That's how -

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Jake.

Take your shirt off, let me take your shirt off.

No. Uh-uh, baby, you're sweating my hair.

Come on now.

[snoring]

[thuds]

Frank. Frank, is that you?

- Is that you? - Yeah. Yeah.

You didn't tell me this place was this far in the hood.

Man, there's dogs out there. Pit bulls.

Look, man, are you sure these people don't have guns?

Yeah, they do, but don't worry about that, though.

- What? - No, no, no, no.

Trust me, trust me, trust me.

How come you didn't wear the brown makeup

like I told you?

Ain't nobody gonna believe a white guy

would try to rob this house.

They didn't have any at the 99 Cents Store.

Cheap ass.

Besides, people'll just think I'm looking for crystal meth.

Whatever. Come on. Come on. You're a fool. Come on.

Come on. Help me move this coffee table.

Yeah. This is where I'm gonna whoop you at,

right here in this area.

Sounds good to me.

Yeah. All right. Cool. Cool. All right.

Let's, uh, let's change positions.

- Let's be--'cause-- - Good idea. Good idea.

They'll see me-- they'll see me, like--

when they come down and they'll see me.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Good thinking.

All right.

- All right. Here we go. - All right.

Now, we gonna do this just like we used to do at the academy.

- Okay. - Nothing different. Stay loose.

All right. You ready?

All right, ready?

Go.

[glass breaking]

[music]

Santa Claus?

MICHAEL: Hey, man!

- Who's that, baby? - I don't know.

Come up in this motherfucker? I don't think so!

Oh, good. Right where I left it.

[shotgun cocks] Come on!

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

[Frank groaning]

[all shouting]

I got this. I got this.

I got this. I got this. I got this.

- [screaming] - [clamoring]

[screaming]

[woman chattering on police radio]

[groaning]

Teach you to fuck with the Jenkins, motherfucker.

[groaning]

Michael.

How could you do this? I thought we were friends.

Oh, God. Oh.

[groaning]

I have no idea how he knew my name.

- Really? - Wait.

Wait a minute. Do you know him, Michael?

No.

Well, kind of.

What the fuck do you mean, "Kind of," young blood?

Yeah, what do you mean, Michael?

MRS. JENKINS: Michael, please tell me

you didn't have anything to do with this.

JAKE: Oh, hell, no.

I just--I just-- I just figured if--

I figured if I staged a burglary,

and saved the day, your dad would like me.

Then we could tell him we're getting married.

Married?

Oh, hell, no.

I would never allow my daughter

to marry a motherfucker like you.

You put my family in jeopardy

with this nonsense you're bringing into my house.

Look, sir--

Tell the paramedics to come back.

They forgot somebody.

How could you do this, Michael?

Somebody could've got killed.

Baby, I just wanted your family to accept me.

You said we would be together

whether you clicked with my parents or not.

I didn't care whether they liked you or not.

But now, I don't know.

Maybe we shouldn't be together.

- Oh, no, Ashley, Ashley-- - Wait, wait.

Wait.

Just get your shit...

and get out.

I am truly disappointed.

[music]

SINGER: ♪ Baby, where you going?

♪ You didn't leave me room

♪ To tell you how this started

♪ Now I'm missing you

♪ It's too much

♪ I'm missing you

♪ I'm feeling just like

♪ A helpless individual

♪ I'm trying to explain

♪ The reason that I fooled you

♪ Was to win your heart again

♪ Oh, it's too much

♪ I'm missing you

♪ And your touch

♪ I'm crying oceans

♪ Of emotions

♪ Since I lost you

♪ Out of love

[knocking on door]

Baby, we're about to hit rush hour traffic.

We gotta go. Come on.

Tell me, Daddy,

why did you hate Michael so much?

'Cause the boy's a pig, Ashley.

I mean, other than that.

What was so wrong with him?

He's a punk.

The boy is soft.

I can't believe you can't see that.

Is that it?

Yeah, I mean, what else is there?

Me being happy.

And that makes you happy...

huh?

Staged robberies in my house makes you happy?

No.

Me being with Michael makes me happy.

I love everything about him.

His laugh...

his personality, everything.

But he's a pig, Ashley.

And you know how I feel about--

Daddy, it's not the '60s anymore.

God!

Decent Black men,

proud Black men can be police officers.

Well, I don't know anything about that, Ashley, okay?

Isn't civil rights and equal opportunity

what you guys were fighting for in the first place?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I'll say Michael is a shining example

of just that.

A proud Black man

who wants to marry a black woman,

who just happens to be a police officer.

Daddy, if that's not an example of freedom,

then I don't know what is.

Ashley, baby, we gotta go.

We're running out of time.

Let's go.

[music]

Hey, Mike.

Hey, man, I'm sorry to hear about you and Ashley, you know.

It's all right.

So, she is single now.

Sorry, tough break.

Mike, you know how we do?

Take it one day at a time.

You know what I'm saying?

- Keep your head up-- - Yeah, you know,

I got divorced a couple of years ago.

Phew! Dude, it was rough.

Really?

Yeah, but they say--they say the fourth one's the toughest.

You're just on your first, you know,

just keep your head up, dude.

Fight the power.

Mike, let me get him out of here.

Listen, take care of yourself,

talk to me, give me a call, whatever.

You're good. I appreciate that.

- Cool? - Yeah.

- You're sure? - You're good.

- Let's go. - She looks great.

- Let's go. - She looks great.

Come on, White. Damn.

Hey, young blood. How you doing?

What are you doing here?

I thought you hated me.

Is there somewhere that we can talk in private around here?

Yeah, yeah. You know, we could.

Right here.

Have a seat, son.

Now, I came down here to rap with you for a second,

'cause I didn't like what went down

back at the house.

Listen, Mr. Jenkins, I didn't mean--

Let me finish, son. Let me finish.

Now...

to say that me and the pigs--

I mean, law enforcement,

have an unstable history is an understatement.

Not only was there the alleged attempted murder

of a police officer,

but it's the fact that the pigs--

I'm sorry, the cops,

along with the Federal Government,

plotted to take my party down.

They infiltrated my organization and caused dissension

among the ranks,

turning a lot of us into snitches,

dope fiends, pimps, and hoodlums.

They would have you to believe that my party was a gang.

We wasn't no gang.

We had all kinds of beautiful programs

for the people in the community.

We had after-school programs,

we had free breakfast for the kids,

we registered our people to vote.

All we were trying to do was protect our community.

Thanks.

And my feeling for police officers

runs real deep.

But I came here to tell you that...

my feelings for my daughter run even deeper.

I see the way that she loves you

and I don't want to lose my baby girl.

So, I came here to tell you that, um,

I would be happy to have you as a son-in-law.

As long as you don't stage no more fake robberies

in my goddamn house.

No more "Keystone Kop," "Shaft" shit, you know?

All right, I won't fuck with you about that no more.

I don't have to eat pork, do I?

Well, you know, I was always conflicted

about the pork issue when I was in the Party.

I mean, pork ain't never killed nobody.

- Uh... - Okay, okay. No pork.

Hey, look, I just want to say

I'm sorry for being so hard on you.

No, that--no, it's...

That's right. That's good enough right there.

That's about all I can handle.

Now fall back, now. Fall back.

- Okay, no. - All right.

MAN: Hey, who's in there in the interrogation room?

Hey, Daddy.

Why don't you and him do your own little thing?

[music]

SINGER: [vocalizes] ♪ Ooh, oh

- ♪ Yeah - Love conquers all, right?

Yeah, baby.

Yeah.

SINGER: ♪ Somehow love conquers all

♪ No matter where we hide, no matter where we run ♪

♪ I feel blessed to have found in love ♪

♪ And I know that you're the one ♪

Chill that metro shit!

Love conquers all.

SINGER: ♪ And love, this promise that is yours ♪

♪ When you fall

♪ I'm the one who will pick you up ♪

♪ And each day I love you more

♪ I always knew that we were the perfect two ♪

MICHAEL: So, there it is. I finally got my wish.

Me and Ashley were married in a small, quaint garden

in South Central, and we lived happily ever after.

That is until Christmas at the Jenkins'.

SINGER: ♪ I'll always believe and trust in you ♪

♪ I know that's it's love that conquers all ♪

[music]

Due to some counseling,

good time, and a few cartons of cigarettes,

I'm able to correspond with you once again.

Now, I just wanted to call

and congratulate you on your nuptials.

You know, with whatever mark-ass nigga you about to marry.

Now, I ain't hating, you know, I'm congratulating.

But you know what fucks with me?

Is the fact that you'll probably never be able to see

that motherfucking slithering cobra.

You know how that helmet

get fatter than a motherfucking fat-rat.

You know what I'm saying?

You'll never be able to see the creepy clingy,

the bull's blow, the rat-a-tat-tat.

Hmm.

No, but on the real, you know,

congratulations on y'all little wedding and shit.

You know, I ain't, you know, I ain't no hating.

Congratulating like a motherfucker.

There's enough pussy to go around.

Pussy everywhere.

I know there's about 235 bitches out there right now

free to fuck since I'm locked the fuck up.

Plus that little half a bitch, that midget,

you know what I'm saying?

Like to toss her around.

But you was my favorite girl.

Yeah. Bonaventure.

Bonaventure.

Hey, on a real, though,

that little mark-ass nigga you're with and shit,

you know, y'all coming out of that motherfucking church,

you know, and they start throwing rice,

I hope that shit is rocks, bitch!

You know what I'm saying?

Fuck you, the priest, your mama,

all them motherfuckers sitting there,

whoever watching this bitch.

All y'all is some punk motherfuckers.

Yeah.

G-up!

Kiss my motherfucking ass, bitch.

"You may now kiss the bride," bitch.

He kissing my dick, tell that nigga that.

What's that nigga's name?

Write me back, baby.

Write me back.

I'm thinking about you, always.

[siren blaring]

SINGER: ♪ From the two of us

♪ Will be strong enough to conquer all with love ♪

♪ I always knew that we were the perfect two ♪

- ♪ Perfect two - SINGER: ♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Nothing I would not do for you ♪

♪ I know that it's love that conquers all ♪

♪ My heart is true no matter what we go through ♪

♪ No matter what we go through

♪ I'll always believe and trust in you ♪

♪ I know that it's love that conquers all ♪

♪ I always knew that we were the perfect two ♪

♪ Perfect two

♪ Nothing I would not do for you ♪