Original subtitles

All right, we got a ton of leftover buzz beer labels

from Christmas showing Santa and his elves making beer.

What do we do with them?

Oh, look, that's easy.

We just paint Santa's beard black, make his red suit plaid, and now he's just

a fat, happy drunk talking to a bunch of midgets.

You know, Louis, I don't use the word genius a lot.

But I do use the words we got nothing better.

I'll get some bottles.

Wait a minute.

We've been eating bean dip and drinking buzz beer all night, which means we've

combined beer, coffee, and beans after a big chili dinner.

Do you know what that means?

Yeah.

Unplug everything with a pilot light.

Wow.

I guess she left because she didn't want to do that in the kitchen.

First,

we have to fill the door to see if it's hot to avoid a backdrop.

What's this?

Oh, my God.

This is horrible.

I need a drink.

What happened?

What happened?

We went against nature.

That's what happened.

We tried to control beer.

We took it and we locked it up in this... this thing.

It looks like the pipes froze.

Don't wake up.

That's what the deer wants you to think.

Hey, guys.

I was just shoveling the walk when I thought, boy, can I use a beer?

And then suddenly, two hundred gallons of it came flying at me.

What the hell's going on?

Is everyone all right?

Uh, look, we're really sorry and we promise you there won't be any more problems.

After this.

Oh, okay.

I'm beginning to think this is not a permanent solution.

But when Carrie gets home, you tell her I got beer on my lawn, beer on my house,

and beer on my new jacket.

And unlike him, when I smell like beer, it's a problem.

We can't afford to get a new tank.

So no tank, no buzz beer.

Man, I never thought it would end like this.

Guys, if you don't mind, I'd like a moment alone with the tank.

You're shooting up your pants, isn't it, buddy?

Oh, yeah.

I was a little table for her.

I didn't know your neighbors had kids.

They don't, but there's not enough room for everybody

to sit comfortably at the big table, so... No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Quite who I was, Walden.

I always have to sit at the kitty table.

I hate it!

I hate it!

Lewis!

The Clemens are our guests.

Get a grip on your little plastic cup at the kitty table.

Look, everybody behave.

They need to be nice to the neighbors so they

don't sue me for drenching their house with beer.

By the way, no more sneaking over there for beer sickles.

Well, we wouldn't do that.

Don't deny it, because I recognize the drunken snow angels.

Snow angels?

We were just trying to get back up.

Janet, do we have to go to dinner next door?

I don't want to spend two hours in Carrie's house.

He's creepy.

He's not creepy.

His friends.

They're creepy.

Did I tell you that you can see his bathroom from our bedroom window?

Do you know what I caught him doing in the shower the other night?

For 20 minutes until his arms gave out?

Eating!

All right, come on.

Let's get this over with.

Hey, the Clemens are coming.

Hi.

Sorry, it took me so long to get to the door.

I was just getting out of the shower.

Hey, why don't we all sit down and chat before dinner?

How?

Isn't this an adventure?

What the hell are we going to talk about?

Oh, Carrie.

What do you think of the new bond issue?

Well, I think it's going to add about two cents a tax on every dollar.

I'll tell you something, buddy.

I'm not going to pay it.

You know what I think?

What's wiggly in S-10 eyes?

Do

not put those back in the dish.

To our neighbors, may you always be friends and never be plaintiffs.

Don't worry, Drew.

We're not going to sue.

Oh, thank God.

I don't have to worry about eating out of fear.

I can just eat out of depression over losing my business.

Didn't you have insurance?

Well, we thought we mailed in the premium.

Didn't we?

Oswald.

Yes, we did.

Didn't we, Lewis?

Yes, we did.

Didn't we, Kate?

Yes, we did.

Didn't we, Drew?

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Hey, you know what?

This is pretty good.

It tasted different coming at my face at 35 miles an hour.

Everything does.

If I were you, I would try to find some way to save the business.

Oh, there's no way a new tank costs $10 ,000 to $15,000.

You know what the worst part is?

We're actually starting to turn a profit.

If I may interject, I was just reading an article in the Wall Street Journal that

said the microbreweries are going through the roof.

In fact, it's the second fastest growing industry.

The first is butt-fours.

What's a butt-four?

Well, if you don't know what a butt's for, you better stop eating.

Don't eat!

We're sorry.

They're really good kids.

They just get excited when we have company.

Too bad about the business, Carrie.

I wish there was something we could do to help.

Yeah, but we could help, honey.

We've got that extra money to invest.

I didn't mean it.

That's just what you're saying.

Hey, if you're looking for a place to invest

your money, you can do worse than buzz beer.

Maybe you didn't hear me when I whispered to her, but I didn't mean it.

That's just what you're saying.

Yeah, we'll remember the last investment you talked me out of.

Uh, what was it called again?

Oh, yeah.

Starbucks!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Okay, somebody drop the balloons, because

it's the millionth time she's brought that up.

Oh, Dad, stop fighting.

You're ruining my birthday party.

Well, now I'm taking a chance once in a while.

You know, we don't always have to play everything so safe.

You're right.

All right, let's take a chance.

Go get the checkbook.

On my way.

You know, isn't it funny how things change?

Yesterday you thought these people were a bunch of

drunken idiots, and now they're your business partners.

You were right, honey.

Yeah?

What can I say?

Okay, I can say this.

Now, I'm only doing this under one condition.

You make me the boss.

Unless you got a bigger investor.

Like the guy with the olives on his fingers.

Hey, look, I need your help and everything, but

what do you know about running a beer business?

I got a business degree from Kent State, an MBA from Northwestern, and I'm a junior

partner at one of the top investment firms in Ohio.

Oh, yeah?

Well, if you're so smart, how come you live next door to me?

Okay, okay.

How about this?

You make me the boss, and I guarantee you

I'll double your profits inside of two months.

Okay, boss.

But if you do something we don't agree with it, we get the power to outvote you.

No, if you want to double your money, you'll work hard and do whatever I say.

All right, but every once in a while, you got to

let me win a meaningless but symbolic victory.

Okay.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Don't say it.

I know I'm late.

Tell Mr. Wick I'll have the benefit-of -reform package on its desk today.

You told him that yesterday.

Well, since I'm wearing the same suit, maybe you'll think it's the same day.

Another hot date, huh?

Gee, I'd like to meet her.

Hi, I'm Mimi.

Is her like this?

Good one.

Oh, geez, he's losing it.

Sorry, Mimi, I'm just so tired.

I just got a new investor who buzzed beer, and he's working me day and night.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize you were under so much pressure.

Thanks, Mimi.

I was talking to your belt.

What are you doing?

I told you you can't come down here.

Oh, I can't stop thinking about it last night.

Your inventory disk, I've got to have it right now.

Keep it down.

My other boss will hear you.

Can I?

Well, well, well.

Who's this giving you orders?

This is my other boss.

Ah-ha.

So you're the other boss.

Younger, too?

What a surprise.

You've got some nerve coming in here.

Look, I guess this was gonna come up sooner or later.

But we're both adults.

This is the 90s.

There's no reason we can't share it.

Is this what you want, Kenny?

I don't know anymore.

All right.

Let's be civilized.

I'll take the days, you take the nights.

I'll throw in the weekends if you give me every other lunch hour.

Fine.

If I can have his vacation.

Deal.

Wait a second.

You're dividing up my entire life.

What if I want to... What if I get invited to... What if I get tickets for...

I have to meet people who never invite me anywhere or give me tickets to anything.

Oh, what are you complaining about, Carrie?

I'm giving you a successful bear business.

Yes, and I'm giving you blah-blah promises promotion blah-blah-blah.

This is all worked out terribly well, Clemens.

You're a heck of a boss, you know.

In fact... Go on.

Give it a go.

No, I couldn't.

Please, I insist.

Johnson, get a load of this.

What's black and white and can fire you?

Us!

You're fired!

Come on, you guys.

Work faster.

I got to be out of here by 7.

I got a date.

A date?

Does this involve cruising the internet?

No, I broke up with zelda.com.

I met Pinky at drug code.

She's a guinea pig.

Oh, good.

I thought it was going to be something weird.

No, no.

She's not a real guinea pig.

She's a person who gets paid to test dangerous side effects of experimental drugs.

What does she look like?

Right now, she's testing this pupil dilating drug, so she's got these big blue eyes.

And the patch of hair she has left is blonde.

She sounds...

Where are you taking her?

Tamarios.

I mentioned Italian and her tail started wagging.

2008.

2010.

Hey!

Take it easy, Drew.

You've been up for two days straight.

I don't know how you're doing it.

Drew's little hoppers.

Red, yellow, green, plain, peanut.

Hey, hey!

How's team Buzzbeer?

We'll have fun when the work is done as soon as we are number one.

Somebody, please, give me a gun.

I bought you something that's going to make your life way easier.

Are you going to use that board to beat me unconscious?

Lewis, Oswald, would you go out and roll in the other two boards?

Yeah, if you tape a broom to our ass, we could sweep the floor, too.

What was that?

What was that?

Well, I was just suggesting if you tape a broom

to our ass, we could sweep the floor, too.

I'll think about it.

Great going, Oswald.

Now we're going to have brooms taped to our asses.

Excuse me?

I said, great going, Oswald.

Now we're going to have brooms taped to our asses.

Hi, dinner lady!

Lewis, you're getting giddy and weird.

Go home.

Yes, sir.

Oh, boy, I hope the guinea pig girl's still free for dinner.

We still got three hours before the night sweat set in.

Hey, hey there, Mr. Clemens.

Diddly, diddly do.

Nice try.

You and O'Brien go get the other two boards.

Carrie, now, this is a map of our sales territory.

Now, the blue pins represent bars that already sell buzz beer.

The red pins represent potential sales clients.

Now, we don't rest until every red pin is booked.

What do you say, Carrie?

Diddly, diddly, hoodle.

Okay, would you put the other board over there?

Thank you.

All of these are going to be a big help, Carrie.

Now, one's our profit projections, and the

other's a flow chart of our supply and demand.

Update it daily.

And the best part is it'll all be here for easy reference.

Well, it does seem more efficient.

Strangely, cozy and familiar.

I feel right at home for some reason.

Hello, and for louder.

Oh, my God, I'm in a cubicle!

Hey, uh, call me work tomorrow, and I'm not so busy.

All right, I want this stuff out of here right now.

Yeah, and I'm not taping a broom to my butt, either.

Greg, what are you doing over here?

We're late for the party.

What are you trying to do to these people?

It's Saturday night.

I can't go, honey.

I got to stay here and protect our investment.

Fine.

I'm going without you.

Don't worry, Greg.

We'll go after her.

Door's up and running.

Man, you know, if I were you, I'd go after her

right now, before I even gave one more order.

Man, I would just fly out of here, man.

Just go.

I would be here.

I'd be there.

Fly!

Fly like the wind!

Psh.

Nah.

The best thing to do is just bury ourselves in work.

Man, come on.

Let's hit the books.

Eh, so you ought to work again, huh?

I know something we could do, but it's, uh, long hours and hard labor.

What?

Quality control.

I hereby declare this tank is good.

Hey, Drew, you think I'm a tight-ass?

Hey, I told you that a half hour ago.

I hear you said, tight-ass doesn't listen.

You know, Johnny, it's the love that I was a tank-charged kind of guy.

Well, you know, the problem is, Clemens, is you planned too much.

You know, before you came along, Buzz Beer is making half the money.

We were having twice as much fun.

Hey, I could be as fun and crazy as anybody, okay?

Even you.

Hey, you're talking to Mr. Fun, pal.

Fun built this body.

I bet you wouldn't even dream of doing some of those things I want to do.

You know, your neighbor Robinson on the other side, we even

know Christmas is gone, still has his Christmas lights up.

I thought of going over there and pulling those lights and decorations down.

That's pretty crazy, huh?

You know, there's rules about this kind of thing.

Yeah.

January 1st, the lights come down.

Hungover or not.

I'm thinking.

I'll show you how spontaneous I can be, Karen.

I'm going to go home, change it so close I don't mind getting dirty.

We have my best to just kill a flashlight, and

then we're going to come back and draw up a planet.

Don't do this.

You are out of control, Clemens.

Come on, let's take you on a walk on the wild side.

Am I walking yet?

Don't follow him!

He's got our sand!

No!

He's falling in the corner, so plug in!

We've got to cut this cord!

I'm not going back to the chain, gay man!

What are you talking about?

I just felt right.

Let's hide in here!

See how great it feels to cut loose, huh?

I never forget you rolling down that roof.

I mean, I forgot just a minute ago, but it just came back to me.

What's that?

It sounds like thunder.

It's the tank!

Uh-oh!

It's going to blow!

I knew it!

I let down my guard for one minute.

What happens?

You think this makes me look good?

You know, your garage blows up enough times, people start to talk.

Is everybody all right?

What happened?

Now we're fine.

Your husband forgot to connect the heater to the pipes, and the tank blew up.

He plied me with liquor!

Yeah, you bet I did.

I was trying to talk, so it set you loosey up a little bit.

You know what I just thought about when my garage blew up?

Yay!

That's not right.

What are you guys arguing about?

We just lost everything.

We're out of business.

Nope.

Mr. Plant's too much.

Insured the tank.

Yeah, well, maybe we're still out of business

because we're not going to come back to work for you.

You know why?

Because you're me.

And it really hurts me to say that because I really like you.

You like me?

Yeah, I do.

It's funny.

Because I don't like you.

I can't believe you didn't pick up on that.

But you're right.

Since no one else is going to come work for free, and I don't

want to lose my money, I guess I'll try being nice to you.

What do you say?

You're not going to kiss me, are you?

No, he's going to kiss me.

No, come on home.

I want to take advantage of you in this condition.

Hi, hi, how are you?

Garage blew up again, huh?

Yeah, it was really bad.

There's beer and foam and crap just shooting everywhere.

How'd your date with guinea pig girl go?

Except for the foam, pretty much the same thing.

You know, you don't have to settle for someone like him.

A little makeup.

You know, you could be a real knockout.

Little lipstick.

Little blush.

Why don't you give him a nice little smack on the lips?

What's going on here?

A first for you.

Waking up with a girlfriend.