Original subtitles

MAN, CHUCK, I REALLY GOT TO THANK YOU

FOR LETTING ME IN YOUR CARPOOL LIKE THIS.

ALTHOUGH IT IS KIND OF RUDE

YOU HAVEN'T INTRODUCED ME TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, DREW.

NEITHER IS SHE YOUR MAMA.

WHOO!

SO WHOSE LITTLE PUPPY ARE YOU, HUH?

OH, THIS IS WOLFGANG,

OUR NEWEST GRADUATE OF THE TRAINING SCHOOL.

WOW!

RIGHT OUT OF SCHOOL AND YOU GET A JOB?

WHOSE LEG DID YOU HUMP?

I'D BACK OFF ON THE SARCASM, DREW.

WOLFIE HERE IS TRAINED TO KILL...

ANYONE NOT IN A UNIFORM, THAT IS.

AND BY THE WAY, ANYONE KNOW ITS ATTACK WORD?

OH, I THINK IT WAS... ATTACK!

HA HA HA! HA HA HA!

RELAX, DREW. WE WOULDN'T USE SUCH AN OBVIOUS WORD.

OH, BY THE WAY, THAT'S REAL GOOD.

MAKE A LOT OF JERKY MOVEMENTS IN THE DOG'S PERIPHERAL VISION.

YEAH. REAL SMART

HEY, HEY. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE GAME?

LET'S SEE HOW MANY ATTACK WORDS WE CAN GUESS

BEFORE WE HIT THE RIGHT ONE.

SIC 'IM!

KILL! MANGLE!

MAIM! DESTROY!

OH, MAN, I SHOULD HAVE NEVER CALLED SHOTGUN.

I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

♪ MOON OVER PARMA, BRING MY LOVE TO ME TONIGHT ♪

♪ GUIDE HER TO CLEVELAND UNDERNEATH YOUR SILVERY LIGHT ♪

♪ WE'RE GOIN' BOWLIN' ♪

♪ SO DON'T LOSE HER IN SOLON ♪

♪ MOON OVER PARMA TONIGHT ♪♪

WELL, WE DON'T USUALLY LEND OUT CLOTHES

FROM OUR MANNEQUIN DISPLAYS,

BUT I'M SURE WE CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION IN THIS CASE,

MR. CAREY.

YOU SMELL LIKE FLEA DIP.

THAT'S FEAR.

LUCKY HE ONLY WENT FOR YOUR ARM.

WELL, MY ARM WAS BLOCKING

WHAT HE REALLY WANTED.

HA HA HA HA!

IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS, I'LL BE ABLE

TO GO AFTER WHAT I REALLY WANT.

OH, YEAH? YOU MEAN THIS?

NO.

I MEAN DATING YOU

AFTER YOU MAKE ME HEAD OF THE PERSONAL SHOPPER DEPARTMENT.

YOU KNOW I HAVE TO INTERVIEW OTHER PEOPLE FOR THE JOB.

I KNOW THAT.

SO, UH, I HAVE A BRIBE FOR YOU.

I'LL GO GET IT.

OOH, HOPE IT TICKLES!

'CAUSE I'LL NEED A GOOD LAUGH

WHEN YOU FIND OUT WHO ELSE I PROMISED THIS JOB TO.

HI. HEY!

SORRY WE'RE LATE.

OSWALD THOUGHT HE HEARD ANOTHER PACKAGE TICKING.

WAS IT A CLOCK?

NO, IT WAS A BOMB.

I GOT IT TO THE PLANE ON TIME.

NOW IT'S THEIR PROBLEM.

SO, READY FOR LUNCH?

YEAH, I'LL MEET YOU DOWN THERE.

I'M JUST GONNA THROW MYSELF OUT THE WINDOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT? WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT IT FIRST,

THEY ALMOST NEVER DO IT.

I KNOW.

EXCEPT AT DRUGCO WHEN THEY DEVELOPED THAT PILL

THAT MADE YOU HOPELESSLY DEPRESSED AND CHATTY.

I NEVER FELT SO LOW AS THE FIRST TIME I TOOK IT.

I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT I WAS WEARING...

YEAH, WE KNOW.

LOOK, GUYS, I GOT A REAL PROBLEM HERE,

ALL BECAUSE SOME BOARD MEMBER DECIDES

THAT HE WANTS SOMEBODY TO HEAD UP

A PERSONAL SHOPPER DEPARTMENT.

WHAT'S A PERSONAL SHOPPER?

UH, YOU GOT TO SHOP FOR RICH PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO BUSY

TO DO IT FOR THEMSELVES.

OK, BUT WHO GETS TO KEEP THE STUFF?

SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? NOBODY WANTS THE JOB?

NO. EVERYBODY WANTS THE JOB,

BUT I KIND OF PROMISED IT TO KATE.

HEY! HEY!

AND LISA.

AW. AW.

BUT MR. BELL IS PUSHING FOR MIMI.

WAIT. IT GETS WORSE.

I STILL HAVEN'T TOLD EVERYBODY WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON YET.

WHAT KIND OF SOUND DO YOU WANT HERE, DREW?

WE DON'T REALLY HAVE ONE FOR A GUY WHO'S SCREWED.

WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

YOU KNOW, LISA CAN FINALLY GET A JOB IN MANAGEMENT

SO WE CAN START DATING WITHOUT BREAKING

ANY STUPID COMPANY RULES,

AND KATE WANTS THE SAME JOB.

IT'S MY BEST FRIEND VERSUS A GREAT RELATIONSHIP.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE ON SATURDAYS

WHEN THEY USED TO SHOW BIKINI MOVIES ON CHANNEL 3

AND WOMEN IN PRISON MOVIES ON CHANNEL 5.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

HELL, I'D GIVE IT TO KATE,

UNLESS YOU DON'T PLAN ON HAVING CHILDREN,

BECAUSE SHE'LL KICK THOSE BAD BOYS RIGHT. THROUGH YOUR HEAD.

HEY, GUYS.

HEY. HEY.

HEY, COOKIES.

"BAKED WITH LOVE FOR MY BEST FRIEND

IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD."

OH, LOOK!

THEY'RE LITTLE DREWS!

YES. I JUST BENT OUT THE SIDES OF MY SANTA COOKIE CUTTER.

YEAH. OH.

HEY, LOOK, THIS LITTLE DREW'S GOT A FUZZY LITTLE SWEATER.

OH. OH, DON'T EAT THAT ONE.

MY CATS WERE ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER.

I HOPE THIS ISN'T A BRIBE,

BECAUSE THERE'S NO GUARANTEES HERE.

HEY, LIS. TA-DAA!

WOW! GREAT CAKE.

MAYBE IT'S A BRIBE LIKE YOUR COOKIES.

WHAT DOES LISA NEED TO BRIBE HIM FOR?

SHE'S NOT UP FOR THE PERSONAL SHOPPER JOB.

WELL, YEAH, I AM.

YOU CAN'T BE.

HE PROMISED IT TO ME.

HOW COULD HE DO THAT?

HE PROMISED IT TO ME.

WELL... OSWALD PUT A BOMB ON A PLANE!

SO?

DREW, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS.

I HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE OF GETTING THIS JOB NOW.

SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

AND BY THE WAY,

WHY IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND BRIBING YOU?

THIS ISN'T FOR DREW.

IT'S FOR OSWALD.

OH, OH!

OH, FOR WHAT?

WELL, IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY,

BUT TOMORROW IS THE 17th ANNIVERSARY

OF THE DEATH OF MY FIRST DOG...

THE SAME DAY I LEARNED TO DRIVE.

NO, WAIT A SECOND. THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

WE'RE NOT GONNA FIGHT OVER A JOB.

WHAT IF WE PROVIDED A CAGE?

LOOK...

I'M SORRY IT TURNED OUT THIS WAY,

BUT, YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO BE ALL ADULTS HERE

AND REALIZE ONLY ONE OF YOU IS GONNA GET THE JOB.

YOU'LL EACH BE PROVIDED WITH A LEOTARD AND A SPEAR.

YOUR HANDS WILL BE BOUND BY SOFT...

LEWIS!

LOOK, I PROMISE I WON'T DRAG THIS OUT.

I'LL MAKE UP MY MIND BY 1:00 TOMORROW.

AND THEN I'M GONNA COVER MY CROTCH AND RUN TO PUERTO RICO.

OK, SO...

I GUESS IT'S DOWN TO JUST LISA AND ME?

YEAH. IT'S DOWN TO YOU AND LISA...

AND MIMI.

MIMI?! WHAT?!

SHE'S THE RUDEST PERSON I EVER MET!

HEY, NOW, SHE MAY BE THE MOST VILE PERSON

TO EVER WALK THE FACE OF THE EARTH,

BUT IF MY BOSS WANTS TO SHOVE HER DOWN MY THROAT

AND MAKE ME GIVE HER A CHANCE, THEN, HEY...

THAT'S MY DECISION AND I'M STICKING TO IT!

OH, GOOD LUCK, KATE.

HEY, NO HARD FEELINGS, EVEN IF YOU LOSE, RIGHT?

EVEN IF I LOSE? HERE...

HAVE A COOKIE.

OH, HOW CUTE!

DREW IN A FUZZY LITTLE SWEATER.

MM-HMM. OHH...

BEFORE WE GET STARTED, MAX,

CAN I GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE?

WHAT AM I, A CRIPPLE? GO TO HELL.

BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOU, BUDDY.

MORNING, DREW.

WHAT'S UP WITH OLD MAX?

I'M TRYING TO GET HIM TO RETIRE

SO I CAN MOVE KATE UP IN COSMETICS.

I HEARD SHE WANTED THE PERSONAL SHOPPER'S JOB.

YEAH, BUT ONLY BECAUSE MAX WON'T MOVE HIS ROTTING CARCASS

OUT OF COSMETICS.

I CAN JUMP-START THAT CARCASS FOR YOU.

WONDER HOW MANY OF THOSE IT WOULD TAKE TO TAKE DOWN MIMI.

SO, MAX, TELL ME,

HOW LONG YOU BEEN MANAGING THE OLD COSMETICS DEPARTMENT?

3- 400 YEARS?

54 YEARS. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

MY POINT IS, YOU'VE DONE A GREAT JOB,

BUT MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU... YOU GO HOME,

WATCH YOUR GRANDKIDS RETIRE.

DREW,

I'M AN 84-YEAR-OLD MAN

WHO WORKS IN COSMETICS.

I DON'T HAVE ANY GRANDCHILDREN.

WHAT ABOUT ALL THE EMPLOYEES WAITING TO MOVE UP, MAX?

LOOK, I REALLY NEED THIS. IT WOULD MAKE LIFE SO MUCH EASIER

IF I COULD GIVE SOMEONE LIKE... KATE O'BRIEN YOUR JOB.

YOU WANT ME TO STEP DOWN?

I'D RATHER DROP DEAD!

OH! UHH...

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

GOOD LORD. MY... MY HEART PILLS.

OH!

DREW, PLEASE.

MY PILLS!

YOU WANT THEM NOW?

DREW!

IF YOU REALLY WANTED THAT JOB FOR YOUR FRIEND,

YOU'D HAVE KICKED THESE UNDER THE FILING CABINET,

YOU NANCY BOY!

OH, WELL.

TAKE A BITE OF PLAN "B".

IT'S ON TO PLAN "C".

WHAT IS IT, CAREY?

UH, THIS IS GOING TO SOUND HIGHLY UNUSUAL, SIR,

BUT I... I CAN'T PICK SOMEONE

TO HEAD UP THE NEW PERSONAL SHOPPER DEPARTMENT.

YOU SEE, MY... MY FATHER WAS KILLED BY PERSONAL SHOPPERS.

CAREY, WHAT'S YOUR TITLE?

THE VICAR OF WAKEFIELD, SIR.

CAREY!

OH, I'M SORRY. YOU MEAN MY SECULAR TITLE.

IT'S, UH...

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL, SIR.

THEN QUIT WHINING AND HIRE SOMEONE.

AND IT BETTER BE MIMI!

YEAH, BUT YOU ALWAYS SAID SHE MAKES SUCH A GOOD ASSISTANT.

SHE'S NOT THE RIGHT IMAGE FOR ME.

PEOPLE ALWAYS WALK BY MY OFFICE

AND CALL FOOD ORDERS INTO HER FACE.

I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT, SIR.

SORRY I BOTHERED YOU...

NANCY BOY.

YOU WANTED US HERE AT 1:00.

WHAT'S THE ANSWER, PIG?

THAT'S RIGHT, CHARLIE.

ALL THE ANGELS ARE HERE,

EXCEPT ONE OF THEM'S HAD A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT

WITH A PAINT TRUCK.

COME ON, DREW. WE HAVE TO KNOW.

WELL, I GUESS THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.

KATE...

YES! I KNEW IT!

THANK YOU!

SORRY, LOSERS! WHOO!

THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.

OH, NO. I DIDN'T GET IT.

THIS ISN'T FAIR!

I HATE YOU, DREW.

I WASN'T GOING TO SAY THAT, EITHER.

I WAS GONNA SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE A GREAT SALESPERSON...

I GOT IT! WHOO!

YEAH!

OK, MOVING ON.

LISA, YOU HAVE AN OBVIOUS SENSE OF STYLE,

AND ALL YOUR WORK IN DISPLAYS

HAS GIVEN YOU A LOT OF EXPERIENCE COORDINATING CLOTHING.

AND, MIMI...

YEAH?

THE BOSS IS SHOVING YOU RIGHT DOWN MY THROAT.

BITE ME.

SO, SINCE YOU'RE ALL QUALIFIED IN YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY,

I'VE DECIDED TO HAVE AN OBJECTIVE COMPETITION.

YOU'LL ALL GONNA BE PERSONAL SHOPPERS

FOR WINFRED-LOUDER'S MOST DIFFICULT CUSTOMERS.

WHOEVER HANDLES THE SITUATION BEST GETS THE JOB.

THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA, DREW.

OH... OOPS. YOU GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING

ON YOUR SHIRT.

THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK, MIMI.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD TRY SOMETHING SO SLEAZY.

MY CAKE COST MORE THAN THAT.

I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.

I'M TALKING TO MY FRIEND DREW.

LOOK, FATTY McASS...

MR. BELL SAYS IT WILL MAKE HIM VERY HAPPY

TO SEE ME GET THE JOB,

AND WE ALL WANT MR. BELL TO BE HAPPY.

CAPISCE?

ONE MORE THING.

KATE, IF LISA GETS THIS JOB,

I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT'S NOT BECAUSE

IT'S THE ONLY CHANCE WE HAVE TO SAVE OUR RELATIONSHIP.

AND, LISA, IF KATE GETS THIS JOB,

IT'S NOT BECAUSE SHE'S THE BEST FRIEND A GUY COULD EVER HAVE.

BUT IF MIMI GETS THIS JOB,

I WANT YOU TO SHOOT ME AND LOOK FOR THE MICROCHIP.

I'D RATHER BE DEAD

THAN SERVE THOSE STINKIN' EXTRATERRESTRIALS.

LISTEN, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR LETTING ME IN HERE

TO MONITOR THE PERSONAL SHOPPER TRYOUTS LIKE THIS. WHEE!

I DON'T WANT TO STAND ON TOP OF THEM

AND MAKE THEM NERVOUS, YOU KNOW.

SO WHO YOU ROOTING FOR,

THAT WOMAN LISA YOU BEEN SEEING ON THE SLY?

HEY, SHE'S JUST A FRIEND...

WHO I SECRETLY KISSED

WHERE THIS CAMERA'S POINTING RIGHT HERE.

AND THIS CAMERA RIGHT HERE. OOH.

YOU GUYS IN SECURITY MUST KNOW EVERYTHING, HUH?

I'M A SECURITY GUARD, DREW.

WHAT I SEE... I NEVER TELL.

OH, BY THE WAY, YOU SHOULD BE GLAD

YOU STOPPED FLIRTING WITH BRIGITTE IN SHOES.

WHY? IS SHE MARRIED?

SHE'S A GUY.

HEY, THERE'S LISA, MY GIRLFRIEND.

100% WOMAN, RIGHT?

TURN UP THE MONITOR.

HI, I'M LISA ROBBINS. I'M YOUR PERSONAL SHOPPER.

SAVE THE SONG AND DANCE.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS WINFRED-LOUDER'S

LAST CHANCE TO FAIL ME AS A CUSTOMER.

WELL, THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, MR. NEWCOMB.

WE'RE TAKING A WHOLE NEW APPROACH TO SHOPPING.

BEFORE YOU MAKE ME PART OF YOUR DAILY AFFIRMATION, PERKY,

LET ME TELL YOU... I ALSO DON'T GO FOR THAT SUCKING-UP CRAP.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M HERE.

I HATE TRYING ON CLOTHES.

WELL, THEN, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

IT'S TAKEN CARE OF.

OSWALD!

WHO'S THIS?

I SPOKE TO YOUR SECRETARY.

HE'S EXACTLY YOUR MEASUREMENTS.

SO YOU CAN JUST RELAX AND SEE HOW YOU'LL LOOK IN THESE CLOTHES.

ISN'T THAT A LITTLE TIGHT IN OUR CROTCH?

NOT AT ALL!

FREE AS A BIRD.

LET ME SEE MY BUTT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I'M SURPRISED WE DON'T GET MORE ACTION.

YOU'RE TELLING ME.

LOOK AT THAT. SHE'S BRILLIANT.

SHE'S GOING TO WIN. WE'RE GONNA START DATING.

WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED.

BOY, OH, BOY.

IF SHE ONLY HAD BREASTS LIKE THAT GUY IN SHOES, HUH?

AND I FOUND 12 MORE IN THE SAME CUT.

YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK FANTASTIC.

THANK YOU.

BY THE WAY, I ALSO DO SWIMWEAR.

HOW ABOUT DINNER TONIGHT?

HEY, HE'S HITTING ON HER.

GET AWAY! GET AWAY!

I'LL CUT YOU, MAN!

I'LL CUT YOU!

ATTENTION, WINFRED-LOUDER SHOPPERS,

THIS IS TO REMIND YOU THERE IS NO FLIRTING WITH THE SALESPEOPLE.

I REPEAT... THERE IS NO FLIRTING

WITH THE SALESPEOPLE!

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OR IS THIS SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T PREPARE FOR?

HERE'S THE NUMBER OF A FRIEND OF MINE

WHO WORKS IN SHOES.

HER NAME IS BRIGITTE,

AND I THINK YOU'LL REALLY LIKE... HER.

ALL RIGHT!

SOLD OUT A TRANSSEXUAL JUST TO MAKE A SALE.

WHOO!

MAN, I'D HATE TO BE IN KATE AND MIMI'S SHOES.

I'D HATE TO BE MIMI'S SHOES.

THEY'RE WHITE SOCKS. THEY'RE EXACTLY THE SAME,

EXCEPT THIS ONE HAS RIBS AND THIS ONE DOESN'T.

I GUESS THAT'S WHERE I'M GETTING HUNG UP.

OK, HOW ABOUT THIS?

I'LL PUT THEM BOTH BEHIND MY BACK

AND YOU CAN PICK A HAND.

I GUESS I'LL GO WITH...

I CAN'T DECIDE.

OH, YES, YOU CAN. COME ON.

UH...

RIGHT, I GUESS.

NONRIBBED. GREAT.

BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY HUSBAND WOULD LIKE.

OH. BRRRRING!

HELLO? IT'S YOUR HUSBAND.

HE SAYS THEY'RE WHITE SOCKS. HE DOESN'T CARE!

KATE'S GOING TO BLOW.

WANT ME TO CLOSE A FEW VENTS IN THE AREA,

CUT OFF THE AIR FLOW?

TAKES THE FIGHT RIGHT OUT OF THEM.

MAYBE LATER, JUST FOR FUN, YOU KNOW?

BUT THIS REALLY TICKS ME OFF, YOU KNOW?

IF KATE EXPECTS TO BE MANAGEMENT,

SHE'S GOT TO LEARN SOME OTHER WAY

TO CONTROL HER ANGER.

ARE YOU GOING TO FINISH THAT MUFFIN?

OK, LET'S IMAGINE

YOU'VE ALREADY BOUGHT THE SOCKS.

THEY'RE GOOD SOCKS, HAPPY SOCKS, YOU'RE HAPPY.

YOU'RE WALKING OUT OF THE STORE,

YOU LOOK IN THE BAG, WHAT DO YOU SEE?

RIBBED. GOOD!

BUT I THINK I BOUGHT THE WRONG ONES.

MRS. HOYT, COULD YOU TURN THIS WAY A MOMENT, PLEASE?

WHAT'S KATE DOING?

I CAN'T SEE. I THINK SHE'S GONNA TALK TO HER.

BETTER GET READY TO CUT OFF THE AIR.

MRS. HOYT, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

WHY, THAT WOULD EITHER BE MY DOG BUTTONS

OR MY CAT BUTTONS.

I CAN'T DECIDE.

OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER,

'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T PICK SOME SOCKS,

ALL YOUR BUTTONS ARE DEAD!

OH, GOD. THE RIBBED SOCKS, THE GREEN PUMPS, THE BLUE SUIT...

I DON'T KNOW WHICH HAT!

MEOW!

YOUR CHOICE.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, DEAR GOD.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THOSE OFF

AND WE'LL GET YOU UPSTAIRS

AND BUY YOU SOME GROWN-UP CLOTHES.

BUT THIS IS THE ONLY DEPARTMENT

WHERE THE CLOTHES ACTUALLY FIT.

I GUESS I NEVER LOST MY GIRLISH FIGURE.

YEAH, WELL, THAT GIRL'S BEEN AROUND A LONG TIME.

COME ON, WE'RE GOING UPSTAIRS!

NO! EVERYTHING I NEED IS RIGHT HERE.

OOH! COOL SCRUNCHIES!

WHAT, DO YOU THINK YOU'RE 12? COME ON!

YOU LET GO OF ME!

YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!

OH YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, 'CAUSE THEN I'D BE

ABOUT A THOUSAND YEARS OLD.

AH, YOU BETTER KEEP AN EYE ON THIS ONE, CHUCK.

THINGS COULD GET UGLY.

OH! I THINK THEY ATE UGLY FOR BREAKFAST.

YOU WILL NOT COST ME THIS PROMOTION.

I AM YOUR PERSONAL SHOPPER

AND I WILL PERSONALLY DRAG YOU UPSTAIRS BY THE HAIR

IF YOU DON'T MOVE IT, YOU OLD BAT!

OHH! WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN OLD BAT,

YOU... SEA COW?

WHY, YOU OLD PIECE OF CRAP!

AAH!

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE DOWN TO TWO, CHUCK.

YOU WANT TO...

I'M ON IT, DREW.

WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO HELP HER FIND HER TEETH.

SO, HOW'D WE DO?

LOOK, UH, DON'T KILL ME, BUT HONEST TO GOD,

YOU BOTH DID GREAT. SO IT'S A DEAD HEAT.

OH, DAMN IT, DREW.

YOU'RE JUST SCARED TO MAKE A DECISION.

WE BOTH KNOW ONE OF US IS NOT GONNA GET THE JOB.

YEAH, THIS HAS GOT TO STOP HERE AND NOW.

JUST GIVE US A TIEBREAKER.

GIVE US ONE TOUGH CUSTOMER

SO WE CAN HAVE A FAIR FIGHT AND BE DONE WITH IT.

YEAH, GIVE US THE TOUGHEST, NASTIEST,

MOST DIFFICULT PERSON

ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE TO SHOP FOR. YEAH.

OK, I GOT TO GO DOWNTOWN TO GIVE A STATEMENT.

BUT IF I WON,

I WANT THAT LITTLE PUNK BANNED FROM THE STORE!

THAT GIRL.

SO IT'S THE LAST DELIVERY ON MY ROUTE.

I GO UP TO THE DOOR, I RING THE BELL,

SHE ANSWERS THE DOOR, AND GET THIS...

SHE'S COMPLETELY NAKED.

OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE KIDDING.

ALL 600 POUNDS OF HER.

I AM SORRY, OSWALD.

I SHOULD HAVE WARNED YOU ABOUT GRANDMA.

I MEAN...

SHE'S 82.

SHE FEELS SHE'S PAST THE AGE OF MODESTY, YOU KNOW?

THEN EXPLAIN THE PASTIES, MY FRIEND.

HEY, BUDDY. HEY.

SO HOW LONG IS THIS GONNA TAKE?

UH, NOT VERY LONG. I JUST HAVE TO PICK WHETHER LISA OR KATE

DID A BETTER JOB OF SHOPPING FOR MIMI,

GIVE THE WINNER THE JOB,

AND THEN YOU GO LOOK FOR MY HEAD

AND YOU GO LOOK FOR MY BODY.

WELL, FOR YOUR SAKE, I HOPE LISA WINS...

KATE WINS. HI, KATE.

HI. I'M GONNA WIN, ALL RIGHT,

IF I CAN JUST GET MIMI OUT OF MR. BELL'S OFFICE.

MIMI, COME ON OUT.

ALL RIGHT, BUT IF ANYBODY'S THINKING ABOUT LAUGHING,

THEY'D BETTER LOOK AT THAT OLD CHICK'S

TEETH IMPRINTS ON MY FIST.

WOW!

AWOOOO!

OH, I'M TAKING THIS OFF RIGHT NOW.

ALTHOUGH, I DON'T HAVE TO,

'CAUSE YOU ALREADY UNDRESSED ME WITH YOUR EYES.

ACTUALLY, MY EYES WERE COVERING YOU WITH A TARP.

OK, THIS IS GOING TO BE TOUGH

AFTER THE GREAT JOB KATE DID, BUT I DID MY BEST.

I COULD NOT GET HER TO CHANGE HER MAKEUP.

YEAH, I HEARD THEY REMOVED IT ONCE

AND FOUND A WHOLE OTHER PAINTING UNDERNEATH THERE.

READY, MIMI? READY.

OH, MAN!

DON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON ME.

WOW.

OK. DREW, THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE.

OH, BOY.

ALL RIGHT, UH,

LET ME JUST ASK MIMI ONE THING, THOUGH, UH...

MIMI, WHICH ONE OF YOUR PERSONAL SHOPPERS

WOULD YOU RATHER GO BACK TO?

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING?

LOOK AT ME, I'M GORGEOUS.

CAN I HAVE A MOMENT ALONE WITH KATE, PLEASE?

I WISH WE BOTH COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE JOB, KATE. I'M SORRY.

THANKS.

I'M GOING TO WEAR THIS HOME.

I HOPE THAT CRAZY WOMAN

DOESN'T SIT NEXT TO ME ON THE BUS AGAIN.

LOOK, IF IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE, UM,

YOU DID GREAT. YOU'RE TOTALLY READY FOR MANAGEMENT.

THE NEXT JOB'S YOURS.

THANKS. I MEAN, IT'S OK THAT IT WAS LISA,

'CAUSE NOW YOU GUYS CAN DATE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I ACTUALLY LEARNED SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF.

I DON'T HAVE TO RESORT TO ANGER.

YOU TRIED TO KILL THAT LADY'S DOG AND CAT.

OH, YOU HEARD THAT?

I, UH, GOT YOU A LITTLE PRESENT.

"WORLD'S GREATEST MANAGER IN TRAINING."

YEAH, THE "IN TRAINING" PART PEELS OFF, YOU KNOW,

IN CASE YOU WOULD HAVE GOT THE JOB.

THANKS.

DID YOU GET ANYTHING FOR LISA?

YEAH, I GOT HER LINGERIE. PART OF THAT PEELS OFF, TOO.

YOU KNOW, YOU MAY THINK I'M DOWN, BUT I'M NOT.

I'M GONNA WORK EVEN HARDER TO GET A PROMOTION.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? IF I CAN MAKE MIMI LOOK GOOD...

A CURE FOR CANCER CAN'T BE FAR BEHIND.

OH, YOU WORK HERE, TOO.

I WAS DOING A LITTLE MODELING TODAY.

JUST A TEMP GIG.

SO I WAS WONDERING WHAT TIME YOU GET OFF TONIGHT,

BECAUSE, UH, YOU KNOW, I DO PRIVATE SHOWS...

BRIGITTE.

OSWALD'S GOT A BOYFRIEND!

OSWALD'S GOT A BOYFRIEND!

OH, MAN, THIS IS SO WEIRD,

'CAUSE WE SAW HER IN THE BATHROOM EARLIER TODAY.

SHOULD WE CALL AND TELL HIM?

NAH, HE'LL FIND OUT.

YOU KNOW, I LIKE A WOMAN WITH BIG HANDS.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE www.ncicap.org...