Original subtitles

♪ I BEEN WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE, GOIN' DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪

♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE, WHOOP, ABOUT... ♪♪

HEY!

WHOOP.

HEY!

WHOOP.

WHOOP, HEY!

OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE, UH...

STUCK IN A TREE.

DOWN!

I GOT TO GET OUT OF THE TREE. HERE, HOLD THAT.

OH, MY GOD. MY TIM ALLEN TREE FINALLY BORE FRUIT.

NO, NO, NO, NO. I'M WITH A GROUP OF GUYS FROM ABC.

WE'RE DOING A CHARITY STUNT HERE IN CLEVELAND.

IT'S "SKYDIVING FOR THE BLIND,"

AND SOME BIG WIND TOOK US WAY OFF TARGET.

I JUST GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE

BEFORE GOODMAN HITS.

JOHN GOODMAN'S ON HIS WAY DOWN.

YEAH, YEAH, SURE, HOLD ON.

OH, WAIT A SECOND, WAIT.

YOU GOTTA DO THE GRUNT FOR ME.

THE WHAT? THE GRUNT. YOU KNOW,

YOU GOTTA DO THE GRUNT.

DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME GRUNT WHEN I HIT THE TREE?

HEY, EVERYBODY, I GOT TIM ALLEN STUCK IN MY TREE!

DO... DO... DON'T CALL EVERYBODY.

LOOK, ALL RIGHT, LITTLE BOY.

OOO-OOO-OOO.

NO, IT... THAT'S ALL WRONG. IT'S TOO CANINE.

IT GOES LIKE THIS... ARR! ARR! ARR!

DO YOU GET A NAME OR ANYTHING?

ARR! ARR! ARR!

IS SOMEBODY IN CHARGE OF YOU?

ARR! ARR! ARR! ARR!

AAH!

IT IS! IT IS TIM ALLEN.

ALL RIGHT, SOME GROWN-UPS.

I NEED HELP OUT OF THE TREE.

IF SOMEBODY COULD JUST HELP ME OUT WITH THIS.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? TAKE A PICTURE.

WHAT'S HE DOING IN YOUR TREE?

I'M PICKING APPLES, MORON.

GET ME OUT OF THE TREE!

Kate: IT'S TIM ALLEN!

HEY, LET'S WHACK HIM WITH A STICK,

SEE IF HE'S FULL OF CANDY.

YEAH! SMILE!

HERE, WAIT... TAKE ONE OF ME.

OH, WAIT, WAIT.

PRETEND HE'S STANDING ON MY SHOULDERS.

SHOULDN'T HAVE GOT THAT CLOSE, FUZZHEAD.

BOY, HE SEEMS SO NICE ON TV.

THAT'S 'CAUSE ON TV, I'M NOT HANGING BY MY WING NUTS.

NOW COULD SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE?

HEY, YOU WANT AN AUTOGRAPH, DON'T YA?

DO I!

OH, HERE YOU GO.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? KATE.

KATE. HI, KATE. HERE YOU GO.

NOW PLEASE SHOW THAT TO EVERYBODY YOU SEE TODAY.

OK.

HEY, MY NAME'S NOT "CALL THE POLICE!"

ARE YOU ALL COUSINS?

WHAT AM I THINKING ABOUT?

I GOT A CELLULAR PHONE.

I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE.

YOU GUYS ARE IN A LOT OF... OH!

HEY, I GOT TIM ALLEN'S CELL PHONE!

LET'S SEE WHO HE HAS ON SPEED DIAL.

HEY, I GOT EDDIE'S MACHINE. WHO'S EDDIE?

EDDIE THE DOG FROM FRASIER?

YEAH, THAT EDDIE.

HEY, BIG GUY.

EITHER A SOLAR ECLIPSE IS STARTING,

OR THAT'S JOHN GOODMAN.

INCOMING! AAH!

GOODMAN! HEAD TOWARDS THE HOUSE!

♪ MOON OVER PARMA ♪

♪ BRING MY LOVE TO ME TONIGHT ♪

♪ GUIDE HER TO CLEVELAND ♪

♪ UNDERNEATH YOUR SILVERY LIGHT ♪

♪ WE'RE GOIN' BOWLIN' ♪

♪ SO DON'T LOSE HER IN SOLON ♪

♪ MOON OVER PARMA TONIGHT ♪

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

AND THEN, THE LITTLE BOY'S SHOELACES

GOT CAUGHT IN THE ESCALATOR,

AND HE WAS SUCKED IN AND SQUISHED,

AND THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE MEMORIAL

DOWN BY HOUSEWARES.

COVER YOUR EARS.

AGAIN? JUST ONE MORE TIME.

GOD, THESE VOICES ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

HEY, I HAD ANOTHER DREAM ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT.

THE ONE WHERE I'VE GOT YOUR DAD'S HEAD

AND YOUR MOTHER'S BODY?

NO, YOU WERE WEARING THIS LITTLE TUBE TOP

AND THESE LITTLE SHORT SHORTS

AND I WAS SCREAMING AT YOU

'CAUSE YOU WERE BLOCKING MY VIEW OF TERI HATCHER.

THAT IS SO WEIRD. I HAD THE SAME DREAM.

OH, YEAH? HOW'D I LOOK IN THE TUBE TOP?

PRETTY HOT.

BUT YOU COULD'VE USED A FEW EXTRA INCHES ON THE SHORTS.

OH! HA HA.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LISTENING.

I CAN'T HELP IT. IT'S SO CUTE.

IT IS SO SILLY.

I DON'T SEE WHY SOMEONE FROM MANAGEMENT

CAN'T HAVE A PRIVATE CONVERSATION WITH A REGULAR EMPLOYEE?

NOBODY KNOWS WE'RE SEEING

EACH OTHER IN SECRET.

YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T ASK KATE TO WALK WITH US

EVERY TIME WE TALK IF THESE VULTURES

WEREN'T JUST WAITING FOR SOME EXCUSE TO GOSSIP.

BY THE WAY,

WORD IS THAT YOU TWO ARE LESBIANS.

EITHER WAY,

I'M GETTING MORE THAN YOU.

SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, MR. CAREY,

IS WE'LL NEVER HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP?

WE HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP.

WE JUST CAN'T GO OUT IN PUBLIC OR SEE EACH OTHER.

I NEED MORE.

GIFT HORSE, GIFT HORSE, GIFT HORSE.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

THAT I DON'T APPRECIATE WHAT I'VE GOT?

NO, I'M SAYING, IF I GIVE YOU A HORSE,

WILL YOU QUIT TALKING ABOUT THIS?

SO, I GUESS THIS MEANS WE WON'T BE HAVING SEX

IN THE ELEVATOR ANY TIME SOON.

WELL, UH, IF YOU PRETEND YOU'RE CHOKING,

I COULD GIVE YOU THE HEIMLICH FOR ABOUT AN HOUR.

I'M GONNA GO HAVE ME A CHICKEN SANDWICH.

HOPE IT GOES DOWN OK.

MAN, SURE HOPE MY BABY CHOKES.

INCOMING PAPERWORK.

BEND OVER.

I'LL FILE IT.

SAY WHAT YOU WANT, MIMI,

AS LONG AS I GET TO GAZE AT YOU LONGINGLY.

OH, PLEASE, YOU'RE JUST PICTURING ME

IN SOME SEXIST FANTASY LIKE YOU DO

WITH ALL THE WOMEN IN THIS STORE.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

NOW EXCUSE ME. I'M GONNA GO PUT OUT MY MIND'S EYE.

HI, DREW. NICE OUTFIT, MIMI.

ONLY DOGS CAN HEAR THOSE COLORS.

I'M SORRY.

I'D LOVE TO LET YOU JUST WALK IN, SUZIE,

BUT MR. BELL'S ON THE PHONE.

LOOK, JERRY CALLED AND SAID COME RIGHT UP.

WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS TO YOU?

I SLEEP WITH HIM, YOU DON'T. MOVE.

JUST LET ME CHECK REAL QUICK, OK?

THANKS.

SO, UH, SUZIE?

HOW ARE THINGS OVER IN JEWELRY?

WELL, A LITTLE SLOW SINCE I LEARNED

THERE'S A CAMERA OVERHEAD.

YEAH.

MR. BELL WILL DO YOU...

OH, I MEAN, SEE YOU NOW.

AGGH!

HE'S SEEING HER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY?

YOU'D THINK HE'D BE WORRIED ABOUT APPEARANCES.

NOT THIS TIME. HEE HEE HEE.

Suzie: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE LETTING ME GO?

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME!

HE'S FIRING SUZIE? OH, MY GOD. WHY?

MRS. LOUDER FOUND OUT

THAT MR. BELL'S PANTY BUDGET

SUSPICIOUSLY DOUBLED.

HERE'S HIS NEW DECREE.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

"IT IS NOW WRITTEN POLICY

"THAT DATING BETWEEN MANAGEMENT AND ANY REGULAR EMPLOYEE

"IS FORBIDDEN AND CAUSE FOR IMMEDIATE DISMISSAL

"OF BOTH PARTIES WITHOUT BENEFITS.

"OF COURSE, IN ACCORDANCE

"WITH PENDING STATE LEGISLATION,

THIS WILL NOT APPLY TO HOMOSEXUAL COUPLES."

I'VE NEVER SEEN BELL SO ANGRY.

I GUESS IF HE'S NOT GETTING ANY,

NOBODY'S GETTING ANY.

YEAH, BUT IMMEDIATE DISMISSAL?

NO BENEFITS, NO DISCUSSION, NO NOTHING?

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

OH, YEAH? SAYS YOU, PIG.

AND THE BEST PART'S GONNA BE

WHEN YOU FINALLY GET CAUGHT FOR DOING THIS,

'CAUSE I'M GOING TO LAUGH MY BUTT OFF.

THAT'S A LOT OF LAUGHING, MIMI.

ALL RIGHT, HERE IT IS.

YOU SURE YOU CAN GET THIS TO FLORIDA IN A HURRY?

I DON'T WANT TO MISS HER MOM'S BIRTHDAY.

WELL, THERE'S 3 DIFFERENT WAYS YOU CAN SHIP IT.

THERE'S TOMORROW, THERE'S NEXT DAY, AND THERE'S OVERNIGHT.

WELL, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? $30, $40, AND $50.

NO, I MEAN, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE IN SERVICE?

WELL, WHEN DO YOU WANT IT TO GET THERE?

TOMORROW. THEN YOU WANT OVERNIGHT.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH TOMORROW?

WELL, THERE'S NO GUARANTEE

IT'LL GET THERE TOMORROW.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT NEXT DAY?

THAT COULD TAKE A WEEK.

LOOK, ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET IT THERE TOMORROW

THE FASTEST WAY POSSIBLE.

IN THAT CASE,

I'LL DROP IT OFF AT THE POST OFFICE ON THE WAY TO WORK.

HEY, LEWIS. WORKING LATE?

NAH, I WAS SIGNING UP FOR A DRUGCO TESTING PROGRAM.

THEY'RE DOING CLINICAL TRIALS ON A NEW DRUG.

PAYS PRETTY GOOD.

THEY TEST DRUGS ON EMPLOYEES?

YEAH, THEY USED TO DO IT ON RATS,

BUT THEY KEPT EXPLODING.

GEE, DOC, ARE THERE ANY SIDE EFFECTS TO THIS NEW DRUG?

WELL, JUST THE ONE. KA-BOOM!

HEY, I WANT IN ON THIS!

WHAT KINDS OF DRUGS ARE THEY TESTING?

SMART DRUGS.

THEY GOT DRUGS THAT MAKE YOU SMARTER?

WHAT DO THEY DO?

WELL, OUR FRIEND OSWALD

HAS STUMBLED ONTO A COMPLEX QUESTION HERE.

WHAT IS INTELLIGENCE?

WELL, IT'S NOT FINDING OUT THAT RATS EXPLODE

AND GOING, "HEY, WHERE DO I SIGN UP?"

OK, YOU'RE IN.

I'LL PUT YOU ON THE LIST TOMORROW.

LEWIS, WAY TO TAKE UP 3 SPACES

IN THE DRIVEWAY, MORON.

NOT FOR LONG.

WE'RE GONNA BE SMART.

WHOO-HOO HOO!

HEY, WHERE'S LISA?

I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL GOING TO THE WARSAW.

I TOLD HER I'D MEET HER TOMORROW.

MAN, IF I'M NOT CAREFUL,

SHE'S GONNA STOP SEEING ME ALTOGETHER.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, YOU KNOW?

I CAN'T EVEN SNEAK AROUND ANYMORE.

MAYBE YOU NEED SOMEBODY

TO PRETEND TO BE HER DATE

WHILE YOU GUYS GO OUT TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, LIKE A DECOY.

THAT'S AN IDEA.

HEY, KATE, HOW ABOUT YOU?

EVERYBODY AT WORK KNOWS WE'RE JUST FRIENDS,

AND EVERYBODY ELSE THINKS YOU'RE A LESBIAN.

THANKS, BUT I HARDLY GET TO SEE JAY ENOUGH AS IT IS.

HEY, HOW ABOUT IF I GO, AND IF ANYBODY ASKS,

I'LL JUST SAY I'M ON A DATE WITH LISA.

BUT, JAY, SWEETIE,

WE HAVEN'T BEEN GOING OUT THAT LONG OURSELVES.

COME ON, IF WE DON'T HELP, DREW CAN'T GO OUT AT ALL.

YEAH, THEN DREW CAN'T GO OUT AT ALL.

LOOK, KATE, I'M MAKING THE FACE.

BUT KATE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE FACE.

WELL, MAYBE KATE'LL LIKE A VISIT FROM TANTRUM BOY.

NOT TANTRUM BOY. WE'LL DOUBLE.

ALL RIGHT!

SO MANY THINGS I WANNA DO WITH LISA.

MAN, I WANNA GO TO THE MOVIES.

I WANNA GO BOWLING, I WANNA GO DANCING.

HEY, YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE THING

AT THE BOWL-A-CINE- DANCE-A-RAMA-DOME.

OH, WAIT, THAT'S SOMETHING I THOUGHT OF

DURING THE LAST DRUG-TESTING PROGRAM.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT WAS RIGHT BEFORE

YOU LOST YOUR HAIR AND RIGHT AFTER YOU STARTED LACTATING.

DREW, FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS,

WE'VE BEEN ALL OVER THIS TOWN

WITH KATE AND JAY,

AND NO ONE FROM WORK HAS SEEN US.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO SIT UP FRONT NOW?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM WORK

WHO DRIVE ALONG THIS DRAINAGE DITCH.

YOU KNOW, THE GARLIC FESTIVAL WAS FUN THE FIRST DAY,

AND THE THIRD DAY WAS OK...

BUT THE FOURTH DAY...

CAN WE OPEN SOME WINDOWS?

WHAT IF WE JUST OPEN A DOOR AND FALL OUT?

TUCK AND ROLL, HONEY.

COME ON. WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME.

YEAH, I WISH WE COULD STAY OUT ALL NIGHT.

HEY, HEY, YOU MISSED MY TURN!

I WANT TO GO HOME!

OH, I'M SORRY.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SO GREAT ABOUT GOING OUT WITH US AND ALL,

AND HERE WE ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR GOOD NATURES.

YOU TWO NEED SOME TIME ALONE, HUH?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

WHEN WE PULL UP TO THE NEXT STOP SIGN,

LISA AND I WILL TURN OUR HEADS

AND THEN YOU TWO CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

HERE, WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

I'D KILL YOU BEFORE I'D LET YOU OUT OF THIS CAR.

NOW TRY IT.

HEY, GUYS, HOW'S IT GOING?

HUH?

I SEE THE SMART PILLS ARE FINALLY WORKING.

SO DREW, HOW'S THE DOUBLE-DATING GOING?

LISA COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.

IT'S LIKE WE'RE FINALLY A NORMAL COUPLE.

AND KATE IS BEING SUCH A GOOD SPORT.

SHE STOPPED BANGING ON THE TRUNK AFTER ABOUT 5 MINUTES.

WELL, DREW, THIS MAY JUST BE

THE SMART DRUGS TALKING,

BUT E EQUALS MC SQUARED.

WHOA, THEY KICKED IN.

LET'S GO TO A BAR WHERE THE SMART WOMEN HANG OUT.

T.G.I.Ph.D.

LET'S GO TO THE CAR.

WHERE IS THE CAR?

THEY'RE GONNA BE DRIVING AROUND ALL NIGHT

LOOKING FOR A PLACE CALLED

"LIVE NUDE, INTELLIGENT GIRLS."

HEY, UH, CAN'T WE SIT SO I'M NEXT TO YOU?

WELL, SURE. MIND IF WE...

WANT TO SWITCH WITH ME? OH, GOOD.

I'LL GO, BUT...

HEY.

HI, BABY.

YEAH, BUT NOW I'M FAR AWAY FROM JAY.

OH, HONEY, THE FARTHER AWAY YOU GET,

THE MORE BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.

OH, CRAP, I LOST POINTS ON THAT ONE.

UH-OH,

MIMI AT 4:00 AND 5:00.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

DREW GETS CAUGHT RED-HANDED

WITH HIS LITTLE COMPANY LOVE SLAVE.

THIS MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY.

IT IS. YOU FIT INTO THAT OUTFIT.

YEAH, MR. BELL TOLD ME TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT

FOR THIS SLEAZY KIND OF BEHAVIOR.

YOU'RE TOAST, CAREY.

OH, YOU THINK SO, HUH?

IT JUST SO HAPPENS I'M WITH MY PAL, KATE,

AND LISA'S OUT WITH HER BOYFRIEND, JAY.

THAT'S RIGHT.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, IF YOU TWO ARE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND,

LET ME SEE YOU KISS.

THEY CAN'T.

WHY NOT? JAY'S AMISH.

OH, I'VE KISSED TONS OF AMISH.

KISS.

OH, PLEASE. THAT'S LIKE YOUR GRANDMA KISSES YOU.

NOT MY GRANDMA. ONE MINUTE I'D BE SAYING HELLO,

AND THE NEXT MINUTE IT'D BE ALL TONGUE AND POLI-GRIP.

THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA GO CALL MR. BELL RIGHT NOW.

WAIT.

EEK!

HOW'S THAT?

Mimi: WELL, MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE HASTY.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHY LISA WOULD WANT TO BE

WITH A LOSER LIKE DREW, ANYWAY.

NO MAN'S WORTH GIVING UP A JOB FOR.

THAT'S WHY I DON'T DATE AT WORK.

ALL RIGHT, WHY WON'T THE OTHER 2.5 BILLION MEN

GO OUT WITH YOU?

AH, YOU'RE JUST FAT.

SINCE WHEN DO THE AMISH GIVE TONGUE?

I DID NOT, AND DO YOU HAVE TO HIT ME

IN THE SAME SPOT EVERY TIME?

HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, KATE.

AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAVE DREW'S JOB.

HOW? BY TRYING TO LICK THE DINNER OUT OF HIS STOMACH?

COME ON, KATE,

SHE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT.

AND I'M SURE JAY DIDN'T EVEN LIKE IT.

JAY, STAND UP AND PROVE IT.

I SHOULD WARN YOU, I'M ITALIAN.

YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE STUPID

DOUBLE-DATING THING WAS A LOUSY IDEA.

MY BOYFRIEND IS NOT DATING YOUR GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE.

MAN...

WHO'D HAVE EVER THOUGHT HAVING MY GIRLFRIEND

DATE MY BEST FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND

SO I CAN GO OUT WITH MY BEST FRIEND TO SEE MY GIRLFRIEND

WOULD END UP BEING SO COMPLICATED?

KATE?

I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

GO AWAY. I'M WRITING SOMETHING.

WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?

555-0198.

THANKS. HEY, THAT'S MY NUMBER.

LOOK, I WASN'T TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND.

I JUST HAD TO ACT FAST, AND I WASN'T THINKING.

OH... OH, YOU THINK YOU COULD STEAL MY BOYFRIEND?

YOU THINK I'M JUST GONNA LOSE MY HEAD AND LET YOU STEP IN?

I AM A LITTLE COOLER THAN THAT.

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE 'CAUSE YOUR BUTT'S HANGING OUT.

WHAT?

MM-HMM. OH!

KATE? KATE, CAN I TALK TO YOU?

IT'S THE LADIES' ROOM, YOU BIG SLUT. GET OUT!

HEY, I HAVEN'T BEEN CALLED THAT SINCE THE SERVICE.

I LOVE YOU.

YOU CANNOT BE SO INSECURE TO THINK THAT

THAT KISS ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING.

NO. IF I WAS INSECURE,

SOMEBODY WOULD'VE TOLD ME ABOUT IT.

I'M PRETTY SURE. RIGHT?

HAS ANYONE SAID ANYTHING TO YOU?

THEN WHAT ARE YOU SO ANGRY ABOUT?

I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I HATE THAT BASTARD.

I NEVER GET TO SEE HIM, AND...

I LOVE HIM.

IT'S THE DOUBLE-DATING. THIS IS ALL OUR FAULT.

BUT IT'S THE ONLY WAY DREW AND I COULD SEE EACH OTHER.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

I JUST GOT CRAZY.

YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW THIS.

I'VE GOT THIS REALLY BAD TEMPER.

IT'S OK.

OH, LOOK, UM... I DIDN'T JUST COME IN HERE TO APOLOGIZE,

I WAS GONNA... RIGHT.

OK.

HEY, YOU SPELLED MY NAME WRONG.

AND, BY THE WAY, UH,

MY HEAD COULDN'T FIT UP THERE.

BOY, THEY'VE BEEN IN THERE A LONG TIME.

AW, KATE'S JUST BLOWING OFF STEAM.

I'VE SEEN HER GET WORKED UP OVER SOMETHING

AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, SHE'S FINE.

EITHER THAT, OR SHE STABS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.

SHE GETS JEALOUS SO DAMN EASY.

I MEAN, NOT LIKE LISA.

YEAH, LISA'S PRETTY SECURE.

WHY WOULDN'T SHE BE, HUH?

SHE'S GOOD-LOOKING, SHE'S SMART, SHE'S FUNNY.

DOESN'T HURT THAT SHE'S A GOOD KISSER, HUH?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T SAY THAT IN FRONT OF KATE.

SAY WHAT?

THAT SHE WAS A TERRIFIC KISSER.

ARLENE SODERQUIST.

WHAT?

ARLENE SODERQUIST.

THIS IS ARLENE SODERQUIST ALL OVER AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON, WHICH OF THE SODERQUIST SISTERS WAS SHE,

BECAUSE THERE'S ONE OF THEM I DID NOT DATE.

NO, NOT THAT ONE.

SHE WAS THE REAL CUTE ONE

I WOULD'VE GONE OUT WITH IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU.

ALL THE SISTERS WERE CUTE EXCEPT FOR THE UNI-BROW.

DON'T PLAY INNOCENT.

IT TOOK ME ALMOST 3 YEARS

TO WORK UP THE NERVE TO ASK HER OUT,

AND WHEN I WAS ALMOST READY TO DO IT,

YOU WALTZ IN THERE WITH YOUR...

MEMBERS ONLY JACKET AND YOUR SASSOON JEANS.

YOU'RE CRAZY. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WANTED TO ASK HER OUT.

I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND.

CAN'T READ MY MIND, HUH?

WHAT AM I THINKING NOW?

OH, WELL, YOU SHOULD BE THINKING YOU'RE NUTS.

COME ON, DREW, THERE'S NO WAY

YOU CAN FINISH ANY FIGHT YOU START WITH ME.

NO, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M THINKING, PRETTY BOY.

I'M THINKING I'M A GUY WHOSE GIRLFRIEND'S BEEN KISSED,

AND HE'S DARN NEAR MAD AS HECK ABOUT IT.

WELL, HEY, MAYBE IF YOU TOOK HER OUT IN PUBLIC,

NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE EVER HAPPENED.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

GOOD NEWS. WE WORKED EVERYTHING OUT.

WE DIDN'T.

ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

FINE, FINE, I'LL DO THIS.

IT'S ONLY GONNA TAKE A MINUTE.

I'M READY.

OH, STOP IT.

I HATE TO SEE GUYS FIGHT WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON.

WHAT IS WITH YOU TWO?

WE'RE JUST TALKING, AND DREW WENT CRAZY.

CRAZY? YEAH.

I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE LUCID IN MY LIFE.

IN FACT, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME

I'VE EVER USED LUCID CORRECTLY IN A SENTENCE.

I'M DOING THIS FOR ARLENE.

I'M DOING THIS FOR ALL THE ARLENES!

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO HOME.

FINE. I DON'T WANNA BE ANYWHERE

NEAR THIS STUDY-HALL STUD.

WAIT, SOMEONE FROM WORK MIGHT STILL BE HERE.

YOU TWO GO OUT AND HOLD HANDS.

BUT DON'T ENJOY IT.

KATE, YOU REMEMBER ARLENE SODERQUIST?

ARLENE "EASY" SODERQUIST?

THE GIRL THAT WENT OUT WITH EVERY GUY IN SCHOOL?

NO, MUST HAVE BEEN SOMEBODY ELSE.

OH.

YOU SAID WHAT?

YEAH, I KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

WHAT AN IDIOT I AM.

I ALMOST BEAT UP JAY AND HUMILIATED HIM

IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY AT THE WARSAW.

OOH, THAT WAS CLOSE.

WHAT WAS YOUR PLAN,

TIRE HIM OUT BY LETTING HIM

BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU?

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN

UPSET WITH A FRIEND OVER A WOMAN BEFORE.

I'VE BEEN UPSET OVER A WOMAN WITH A FRIEND,

AND THEN ONCE WITH A MAN ABOUT A DOG,

AND ONCE WITH A DOG ABOUT A BURGER,

AND THAT'S HOW I GOT THIS.

BUT NEVER WITH A FRIEND OVER A WOMAN.

DREW, WE STOPPED TAKING THE SMART PILLS.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

I'M SAYING I'M STILL CRAZY ABOUT LISA,

AND I CAN'T THINK OF ANY OTHER WAY TO SEE HER.

UNLESS YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEAS.

UH... UH...

GAVE YOU GUYS SUGAR PILLS, HUH?

I GOT A CAVITY.

POOR GUY.

THAT RAT CHASED HIM AROUND THE MAZE FOR AN HOUR.

HI, GUYS.

All: HEY.

HEY, DREW, YOU WANTED TO SEE US?

YEAH. YOU GUYS STILL HATE ME?

Both: YEAH, UH-HUH, YEAH.

LOOK, JAY, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.

I JUST... GUESS IT WAS JUST 20 YEARS OF FRUSTRATION

ABOUT THAT ARLENE THING.

I SHOULD'VE CONFRONTED YOU THEN

BEFORE YOU STARTED WORKING OUT.

THAT'S OK, MAN.

I UNDERSTAND.

OH, YOU GUYS DESERVE SOME TIME TOGETHER.

I MEAN, SOMEBODY SHOULD BE HAPPY

EVEN IF LISA AND I CAN'T.

WAIT A MINUTE.

IT'S NOT THE FACE.

IT'S NOT TANTRUM BOY.

IT'S...

IT'S...

IT'S THE GUY I SAY "NO" TO. NO!

AH, I SHOULD'VE USED BIG SWEATY HUG GUY.

YEAH, YEAH. MM-HMM.

SO, READY FOR LUNCH?

YEAH, LET ME JUST WRAP UP A COUPLE THINGS

AND I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

LASHONDRA, COULD YOU SEND IN THOSE 5 EMPLOYEES I ASKED FOR?

THANK YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST RUN TO THE RESTAURANT,

AND I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU. Both: ALL RIGHT.

HEY, LET'S GET SOMETHING SOFT TO EAT.

MY CAVITY'S HURTING,

AND NEURONS ARE FIRING THROUGH MY CEREBRAL CORTEX

LIKE ELECTRONS THROUGH A LINEAR ACCELERATOR.

WHAT WAS THAT?

I SAID LET'S GET YOGURT.

OH. FOR A MINUTE, I THOUGHT YOU SAID SOMETHING SMART.

ARE THEY STILL USING LINEAR ACCELERATORS?

ACTUALLY MOST PARTICLE ACCELERATORS ARE CIRCULAR.

DON'T YOU MEAN ELLIPTICAL?

AH, BUT AREN'T ALL CIRCLES ELLIPSES?

AHH. AHH.

WHERE'S THE CAR?

AHEM.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE WONDERING

WHAT OFFICIAL COMPANY BUSINESS

I'VE CALLED YOU ALL IN HERE FOR.

UH, CINDY, YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.

YOU, TOO. YOU, TOO. YOU, TOO.

ROBBINS, I NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH YOU

CONCERNING THE STORE MANNEQUINS AND THEIR GENITALIA.

NICE COVER, DREW.

BUT, UH, AREN'T YOU AFRAID

THAT MIMI COULD DROP FROM THE CEILING OR SOMETHING?

ACTUALLY, I TOLD HER THERE WAS A SNICKERS BAR

ABOUT TO FALL OFF THE TOP SHELF OF THE CANDY MACHINE.

WHAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW IS THAT I GLUED IT THERE.

SO, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

OH, I'M SURE WE'LL FIGURE OUT SOMETHING ELSE.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

IT TOOK US MONTHS TO COME UP WITH THIS LAME PLAN.

COME ON, IT'S...

I'M TIRED OF HIDING ALL THE TIME, DREW.

COME ON, IT'LL BE OK.

THESE GENITALIA ARE JUST MUCH TOO REALISTIC.

YOU'LL HAVE TO USE SANDPAPER.

I'M SORRY.

EITHER WE THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND

AND START HAVING A REAL RELATIONSHIP,

OR WE STOP SEEING EACH OTHER ALTOGETHER.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT.

SO, NOW IT'S UP TO YOU.

YEAH, BUT I LOVE YOU...

CLEVELAND.

WHAT A TOWN! HUH?

WE NEED A NEW CANDY MACHINE.

GOODMAN!

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

THERE'S SOME REAL WACKOS IN THIS HOUSE.

OOO-OOO-OOO-OOO!

JOHNNY...

THEY GOT A POOL TABLE IN THE YARD. YEAH.

THERE'S A GUY WITH A FLAT-TOP, LIKE CURLY'S TWIN.

DON'T GET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE www.ncicap.org...