All language subtitles for The.Drew.Carey.Show.S01E15.There.s.No.Scientific.Name.for.a.Show.About.God-ing

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:03,580 LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS, JOE, 2 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,615 BUT MR. BELL WANTS ME TO CHECK UP 3 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,817 ON ALL EMPLOYEE HEALTH CLAIMS FOR FRAUD. 4 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,752 AND, UM, HE, UM, 5 00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:11,021 WAS KIND OF WONDERING IF YOU... 6 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,612 YOU KNOW, REALLY HAD A WOODEN LEG. 7 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,232 WHOA. I GUESS WE CAN SKIP THE QUESTIONS 8 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,176 ABOUT THE GLASS EYE, HUH? 9 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,871 HEY, THAT'S MY LETTER OPENER. 10 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,874 WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND KEEP THAT? 11 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,542 Man: ATTENTION, WINFRED-LOUDER 12 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,077 CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES. 13 00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:36,079 THE STORE WILL BE CLOSING IN 10 MINUTES 14 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,548 DUE TO RAPIDLY WORSENING WEATHER CONDITIONS 15 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,484 AND THE SHUTDOWN OF PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. 16 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:43,153 THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING WINFRED-LOUDER 17 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,389 AND PLEASE DRIVE SAFELY. 18 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,589 SO YOU CAN COME BACK 19 00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:50,260 AND WE CAN GOUGE YOU ON OUR PRICES AGAIN. 20 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:53,397 OH, NO. IS THIS THING ON? 21 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,366 DO YOU BELIEVE THIS ICE STORM? 22 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,491 I JUST SAW A BIRD HIT THE WINDOW AND SHATTER. 23 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,872 OH, MAN. SO YOU TOOK THE BUS, TOO? 24 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,774 NO. ACTUALLY, I JUST GOT A CARPOOL. 25 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,909 OH! DO YOU HAVE ROOM FOR ONE MORE? 26 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:08,111 OH, I THINK IT MIGHT BE AWKWARD. 27 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:09,446 JOE THOMPSON IS DRIVING. 28 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,915 OH, YEAH, HE ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU THIS. 29 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,672 BUT JUST SAY I STUCK IT IN YOUR THIGH. 30 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,254 OH, MAN. HOW AM I GONNA GET HOME? 31 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,888 GET ANOTHER CARPOOL QUICK. 32 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,057 I CAN'T GO RUNNING AROUND THE STORE 33 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,224 LOOKING FOR A CARPOOL. 34 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,392 WE GOTTA FINISH THIS UP FOR MR. BELL 35 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,693 BEFORE HE LEAVES. 36 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,877 AHH, MAN! I KNEW IT WOULD COME TO THIS. 37 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,832 MIMI. 38 00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:34,071 I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I'VE EVER SAID TO YOU. 39 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,239 FORGET IT, FROSTY. STAND ON THE CORNER 40 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,441 WITH THE REST OF THE LOSERS 41 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:39,064 AND GRAB A BUMPER. 42 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,279 IT'S A RIDE HOME, MIMI. 43 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,282 DREW'S ASKING FOR A SIMPLE ACT OF KINDNESS. 44 00:01:45,306 --> 00:01:47,884 OK. 45 00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:50,268 HERE'S LAST MONTH'S URGENT MESSAGES. 46 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,324 YOU KNOW... 47 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,560 YOU COULD ALWAYS CATCH A RIDE 48 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:58,795 WITH THE OPTIMISTS CLUB. HA HA HA! 49 00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,630 OH, YOU THINK I WOULDN'T? 50 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:03,266 THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. THANKS, MIMI. 51 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,401 YOU'RE A SAINT... 52 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:05,957 BERNARD. 53 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:08,871 SHE'S RIGHT, DREW. 54 00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:10,873 NO! NOT THE OPTIMISTS' CLUB. I CAN'T. 55 00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:11,874 DON'T MAKE ME. 56 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,042 IT'S AN EMERGENCY. 57 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,444 YOU COULD BE STRANDED HERE ALL NIGHT. 58 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,612 SO, I'VE GOT COFFEE. 59 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,679 I'VE SEEN MIMI JIGGLE FOOD 60 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,181 OUT OF THE VENDING MACHINES. 61 00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,416 I CAN LIVE ON HONEYBUNS FOR A NIGHT. 62 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,683 I'VE DONE IT BEFORE. 63 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:21,751 DREW... 64 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,353 DAMN IT! THERE'S NO CHOICE. 65 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,088 YOU'D BETTER GO. BE CAREFUL. 66 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,956 YOU, TOO. CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HOME. 67 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,580 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 68 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:33,997 HI, FAITH! 69 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:36,566 HIDY-DO. 70 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,701 SO HOW ARE THINGS AT THE OPTIMISTS CLUB? 71 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,403 DREW, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS ICE STORM? 72 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,439 WHAT LUCK... I JUST GOT AN ICE SCRAPER 73 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:43,573 THAT LOOKS LIKE A BEAR CLAW. 74 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:46,276 GRR! HEH HEH. 75 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,411 WHAT A GREAT ATTITUDE. 76 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,646 YOU KNOW, THERE ARE SOME DOOFUSES 77 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,047 WALKING AROUND HERE THAT THINK THIS IS 78 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,182 THE WORST NATURAL DISASTER 79 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:54,284 IN THE HISTORY OF CLEVELAND. 80 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,085 SO... YOU GOT ROOM FOR ONE MORE 81 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,220 IN THE CARPOOL? 82 00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:59,656 ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MORE. BUT HURRY. 83 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,625 EVERYBODY IN THE CARPOOL IS ANXIOUS TO GET HOME 84 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:02,759 AND SHARE THIS TERRIFIC ICE STORM 85 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,128 WITH THEIR FAMILIES. 86 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,330 OK. I JUST GOTTA DO THIS ONE MORE THING 87 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,798 FOR MR. BELL, THOUGH. 88 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,400 SO, I'LL TRY TO HURRY UP. 89 00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,435 OH, UH-UH. BE OPTIMISTIC. 90 00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:13,459 OK. 91 00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:19,108 SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO MARRY THAT GAL. 92 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,710 OK. I'LL JUST PRINT THIS UP FOR MR. BELL. 93 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,279 LET'S SEE... 94 00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,314 ALT, BACKSLASH, BACKSLASH, 95 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:28,218 SEMICOLON, SEMICOLON, COMMAND, DOT, P. 96 00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,509 OH, COME ON! DON'T FREEZE UP ON ME NOW. 97 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,592 OH, I HOPE I REMEMBERED TO HIT "SAVE." 98 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:51,974 ♪ MOON OVER PARMA, BRING MY LOVE TO ME TONIGHT ♪ 99 00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:54,143 ♪ GUIDE HER TO CLEVELAND ♪ 100 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,213 ♪ UNDERNEATH YOUR SILVERY LIGHT ♪ 101 00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:58,515 ♪ WE'RE GOIN' BOWLIN' ♪ 102 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,550 ♪ SO DON'T LOSE HER IN SOLON ♪ 103 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,485 ♪ MOON OVER PARMA, TONIGHT ♪ 104 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:05,477 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 105 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:11,127 Mimi: I'M SURE GOING TO MISS DREW. 106 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:14,119 I TOLD HIM, "DON'T GET INTO THAT CARPOOL." 107 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:19,024 I'M OK THANKS. 108 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,797 AHEM. 109 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,879 YES, HOARDING POST-ITS. 110 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,303 I KNEW IT. A PIG EVEN IN DEATH. 111 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:37,053 HEY, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? 112 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:39,188 YOU'RE... YOU'RE ALIVE? 113 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,456 YEAH, I'M ALIVE. I'M JUST A LITTLE LATE. 114 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,692 THAT'S ALL. OH, LOOK. 115 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,494 IT'S THE 50th ANNIVERSARY OF MY DESK. 116 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,963 HOW COME NOBODY EVER TOLD ME? 117 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,032 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD. 118 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,566 WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 119 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,969 YOUR CARPOOL WAS IN A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT. 120 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,138 THE OPTIMISTS WERE ALL SO POSITIVE 121 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,662 THEY COULD BEAT THAT TRAIN. 122 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,410 OH, MY GOD. 123 00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:02,846 WAS ANYBODY HURT? 124 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,114 THE NEWS SAID THAT EVERYBODY 125 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,414 WAS LISTED IN SERIOUS CONDITION 126 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:06,950 EXCEPT FOR ONE CASUALTY... 127 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,085 A HEAVYSET MAN IN HIS LATE 50s. 128 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,955 I MEAN, I JUST ASSUMED... 129 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,589 OH, MAN. THAT... 130 00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,625 IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. 131 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,061 GUESS I'LL HAVE TO CANCEL THE PARTY. 132 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,896 I'LL JUST TAKE THAT 6 FOOT HOAGIE 133 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,831 OVER TO THE HOMELESS SHELTER. 134 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:25,434 I BET ONLY 3 FEET MAKE IT THERE. 135 00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:27,937 KATE, JAY, DID YOU HEAR? 136 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,405 I'M ALIVE. 137 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:31,207 I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THAT CARPOOL, 138 00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,608 BUT I WASN'T. SO I'M ALIVE... 139 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,110 OH, THEY TOOK MY STAPLER. 140 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,266 YOU JACKALS! 141 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,381 BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER, THOUGH. 'CAUSE I'M ALIVE. 142 00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,016 I KNOW. IT'S SO WEIRD. 143 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,517 THE WHOLE STORE THINKS YOU'RE DEAD. 144 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:42,952 ON THE FIRST FLOOR, 145 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,520 THEY'RE SAYING THAT YOUR SEVERED HAND 146 00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:45,855 WAS FOUND 50 YARDS FROM THE CAR 147 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,378 STILL CLUTCHING A BURGER. 148 00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:54,263 SO, THE WHOLE STORE IS MOURNING MY DEATH? 149 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,667 UM, WELL, THEY'RE EXPRESSING SOME EMOTION 150 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,135 RELATING TO YOUR DEATH, YEAH, MM-HMM. 151 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,236 MM-HMM. YEAH. 152 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,604 YEAH. YEAH, IF THEY'RE DANCING NOW, 153 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,708 WAIT TILL THEY FIND OUT YOU'RE ALIVE. 154 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,247 I CAN'T FIND IT. 155 00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,382 IT'S... IT'S NOT IN ANY OF YOUR OLD STUFF. 156 00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:14,818 ARE... ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T TRADE IT 157 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,019 FOR SOME OLD PLAYBOYS? 158 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,354 OSWALD, I DON'T THINK I TRADED IN 159 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,879 THE FAMILY BIBLE FOR SOME OLD PLAYBOYS. 160 00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:23,559 HEY, LOOK! 161 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,294 IT'S MY OLD SCOUT UNIFORM. 162 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,318 OH. 163 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:31,835 YOU GOT A MERIT BADGE FOR BEING A TRI-ATHLETE? 164 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,336 ACTUALLY, I GOT IT FOR CATCHING 165 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,437 THE SCOUT MASTER SMOKING A DOOBIE 166 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:35,939 UP AT THE LAKE. 167 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,507 OH, THIS BADGE FELL OFF. 168 00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:39,508 WHAT'S IT FOR? 169 00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:41,310 UH... SEWING. 170 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,368 COMING. 171 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,884 WELL, HEY. HOW YOU DOING? HI. 172 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,352 HI. HEY. 173 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:50,353 ALL RIGHT, DREW, 174 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,355 WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE SCOUT? 175 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:55,792 OSWALD AND I ARE TRYING TO FIND MY FAMILY BIBLE. 176 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,627 I LEFT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT IN IT. 177 00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,429 OH, YOU TRADED THAT BIBLE TO ME FOR SOME OLD PLAYBOYS. 178 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:01,865 YEAH, BUT YOU TRADED IT TO ME 179 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,299 FOR MY MOM'S PLAYGIRLS. 180 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,801 OH, YEAH. 181 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:08,772 AND YOU TRADED IT TO ME FOR MY KID BROTHER. 182 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,207 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. SO YOU HAVE THE BIBLE? 183 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,575 NO, I GAVE IT BACK TO DREW 184 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,699 AFTER HE GOT WEIRDED OUT BY THE EXORCIST. 185 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,081 HEY, GUYS, THIS WOULDN'T BE THE BIBLE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR 186 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,783 HERE ON THE BOOKSHELF, WOULD IT? DUH. 187 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,851 HERE IT IS. 188 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:25,054 NOW, THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. 189 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,122 WHAT IS IT? WHAT? 190 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,623 IT'S A LIST I MADE WHEN I WAS 12 191 00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:30,293 OF THINGS I WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH BEFORE I DIE. 192 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:32,295 OH, MY GOD. HOW EMBARRASSING. 193 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,820 "NUMBER 1... TOUCH A BOOBY." 194 00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:41,026 UH... THERE'S STILL TIME, DREW. 195 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,440 "NUMBER 2... GET FACED." 196 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,875 GEE, YOU WERE REALLY DEEP. 197 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,577 "NUMBER 3... GAIN WEIGHT." 198 00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:49,578 BOY, WHEN YOU PUT YOUR MIND 199 00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:51,414 TO SOMETHING... 200 00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,615 SHUT UP. 201 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,685 "NUMBER 4... GET MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY. 202 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,086 "NUMBER 5... BUY MOM A HOUSE. 203 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,555 NUMBER 6... GIVE A YEAR TO GOD." 204 00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:00,990 YEAH. I WAS 14. 205 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:03,492 REMEMBER, I WANTED TO BE A MINISTER. 206 00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:04,961 MAN, I'VE TOTALLY GOTTEN OFFTRACK. 207 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,297 WHAT IF I HAD DIED IN THAT CAR CRASH? 208 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,497 I WOULD ONLY HAVE ACCOMPLISHED 209 00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:11,400 2... 3 1/2 OF THESE THINGS. 210 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,269 IT'S NEVER WRONG TO WANT TO DO SOMETHING 211 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,603 WITH YOUR LIFE. BUT YOU COULD HAVE JUST MISSED 212 00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,372 THAT CARPOOL BY COINCIDENCE. 213 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:18,374 NO, THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON. 214 00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:20,243 COMPUTERS JUST DON'T CATCH FIRE. 215 00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,744 WHY WAS I SPARED 216 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:23,847 AND A MEMBER OF THE OPTIMISTS CLUB TAKEN? 217 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,849 LOOK AT HIS OBITUARY. 218 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,583 WHY DID HE DIE AND NOTHING HAPPEN TO ME? 219 00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:28,617 "JOSH TILDEN, 220 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,987 "54, ROTARY CLUB, BIG BROTHERS, 221 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,488 "ORGAN DONOR, HUMANE SOCIETY, 222 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,523 "FOSTER PARENT, SAVE THE CHILDREN, 223 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,025 PEACE CORPS, MEALS ON WHEELS." 224 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,693 WELL, IT DOESN'T SAY ONE THING 225 00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,084 ABOUT TOUCHING A BOOBY. 226 00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:41,697 YOU KNOW, DREW, 227 00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:42,866 THERE'S ONE PLACE YOU CAN GO 228 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,067 TO GET DEFINITIVE ANSWERS 229 00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,251 ON THE MOST SPIRITUAL QUESTION. 230 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,372 OUIJA BOARD. 231 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,040 YES! 232 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,675 HEY, HEY. 233 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,844 YOU KNOW, AT A PARTY ONCE, 234 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,012 WE USED THE OUIJA BOARD TO COMMUNICATE 235 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,247 WITH MARILYN MONROE. REALLY? 236 00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:58,948 MMM. AND WHAT DID SHE SAY? 237 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,350 "I WAS KILLED BY THE KENNE..." 238 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,294 AND THEN IT JUST STOPPED. 239 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,190 WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MEANT? 240 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,691 I DON'T KNOW. 241 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,326 OK, HERE WE GO. 242 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:13,596 WHY WAS I SPARED? 243 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,999 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE? 244 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,404 "B..." 245 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,341 "E..." 246 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,842 BE, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? 247 00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,744 WAIT, WAIT. IT'S STILL MOVING. 248 00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,613 "E..." 249 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,150 "R." 250 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,684 B-E-R. BE-ER. 251 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:36,685 BEER. BEER! 252 00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:37,987 I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK. 253 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,423 THANKS, DEMON. 254 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,158 THE DEMON WANTS IMPORTED. 255 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,192 OK. 256 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:44,860 LOOK AT ME TALKING TO SPIRITS FOR GUIDANCE. 257 00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,129 I GOTTA TALK TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS 258 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,330 WHAT THEY'RE DOING. OR I'M GONNA GO CRAZY. 259 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:51,834 HERE. O HOARY HOST OF THE NETHERWORLD, 260 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:55,738 SHOULD I GO TALK TO MY MINISTER? 261 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,664 "C..." 262 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,345 "H..." 263 00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,746 CH... IT'S SPELLING CHURCH. 264 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,014 NO, NO. I'M SPELLING CHIPS. 265 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,198 WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE BARBECUE? 266 00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:16,859 BOY, NEVER FIGHT OVER A PARKING SPACE 267 00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:17,860 WITH A CHRISTIAN. 268 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:18,861 THEY'D JUST AS SOON KILL YOU 269 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:19,996 AS LOOK AT YOU. 270 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,431 YOU KNOW, DREW, IF THERE'S ONE PLACE 271 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,999 THAT WILL EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW MISSING A CARPOOL'S 272 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,068 AN ACT OF GOD, THIS IS IT. 273 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,702 YEAH. IT'S LIKE TODAY'S SERMON 274 00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:28,304 WAS TAILOR-MADE FOR YOUR SITUATION. 275 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,239 "GOD'S MESSAGE TO ALL OF US... 276 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,707 "I WILL SMITE ONE PERSON EVERY DAY 277 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,742 UNTIL MORE PEOPLE TAKE THE BUS." HMM. 278 00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,945 I HOPE REVEREND LINDEMANN RECOGNIZES ME. 279 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,447 YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A WHILE. 280 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,048 I REMEMBER DURING YOUR MINISTER PHASE, 281 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,783 YOU TRIED TO BAPTIZE LEWIS' HAMSTER. 282 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,885 SPINOZA? 283 00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:45,154 YOU BAPTIZED SPINOZA? 284 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,412 HE WAS A BUDDHIST. 285 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,793 REVEREND LINDEMANN. HEY. REMEMBER ME? 286 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:54,297 OF COURSE I DO. YOU LOOK GREAT. 287 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,365 REALLY? 288 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,800 REALLY. IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU, GEORGE. 289 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,935 HOW'S THAT SON OF YOURS DREW? 290 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,137 HE WAS GROWING UP TO BE 291 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,271 QUITE A LITTLE BUTTERBALL. 292 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:06,142 SIR, YOU'RE TALKING TO THE TURKEY NOW. 293 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,944 DREW? WELL, LOOK AT YOU. 294 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,613 YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP. 295 00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:12,081 GOOD LORD. 296 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,582 I'M ALLOWED TO SAY THAT. 297 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,885 IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU BACK IN CHURCH. 298 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,221 YEAH. UH, ACTUALLY, I GOT KINDA A PROBLEM 299 00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,456 I WANTED TO YOU ABOUT, MAYBE AFTER THE SERVICE. 300 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,957 I HAVE A FEW MINUTES. 301 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,141 WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP INTO MY RECTORY? 302 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,865 NO, WAIT. WE CAN'T. 303 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,389 MY RECTORY IS CLOSED. 304 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,325 IT'S BEING PAINTED. 305 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:36,972 SHUT UP, OSWALD. 306 00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:39,708 I'M SORRY, REVEREND LINDEMANN. 307 00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:42,678 WHAT IS IT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT, DREW? 308 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,947 WELL, SIR, YOU SEE THERE WAS A... 309 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,516 I MISSED MY CARPOOL YESTERDAY, 310 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,651 AND THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT. SOMEONE GOT KILLED. 311 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:51,320 OH, TILDEN. YES. I READ ABOUT THAT. 312 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,022 DID YOU KNOW HE USED TO COACH 313 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,723 OUR BLIND SOFTBALL TEAM? 314 00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:55,724 OH... 315 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:56,792 1... 316 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:57,960 2... 3... 317 00:11:57,984 --> 00:11:59,217 SWING. 318 00:12:00,454 --> 00:12:03,066 WHAT A TREMENDOUS LOSS. 319 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,267 I KNOW THAT, SIR. 320 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,601 BUT, I THINK THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN 321 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,336 A MORE POWERFUL THING AT WORK HERE. 322 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,571 SEE, I MISSED THE CARPOOL 323 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:09,905 BECAUSE MY COMPUTER CAUGHT FIRE. 324 00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:11,907 WERE YOU RUNNING 486 APPLICATIONS 325 00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:15,611 ON A 386 PROCESSOR? 'CAUSE THAT'LL DO IT. 326 00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:18,114 NO. WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS 327 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:21,617 I THINK THAT GOD KEPT ME OUT OF THAT CARPOOL. 328 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,919 OH, WOW. 329 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:26,255 WOULDN'T THAT BE SOMETHING? 330 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,724 UH... ACTUALLY, SIR, I WAS THINKING 331 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,527 ABOUT DEVOTING MY LIFE TO THE CHURCH. 332 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,762 OH, I SEE. 333 00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:35,398 WELL, I CAN'T HELP YOU OUT THERE, DREW. 334 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,400 THAT'S BETWEEN YOU AND GOD, 335 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,968 BUT I CAN SAY THIS... 336 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,436 FOLLOW YOUR HEART. 337 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,371 AND THEN YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO. 338 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:43,973 NOW, I HAVE TO PREPARE FOR THE SERVICE 339 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,241 IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK, DREW. 340 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,742 EXCUSE ME, REVEREND. 341 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,479 WE WERE HAVING TROUBLE FINDING A PLACE TO SIT, 342 00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,514 AND WE WERE WONDERING... 343 00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:55,184 AHEM. THIS RECTORY OF YOURS... 344 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,942 DOESN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE A PEW IN IT, DOES IT? 345 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,143 DREW, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. 346 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,311 NORA'S TRYING TO STEAL MY KITTEN! 347 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,712 OH, THAT IS NOT YOUR KITTEN! 348 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,414 I FOUND IT THIS MORNING IN THE LADIES' ROOM! 349 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,349 HE ESCAPED OUT OF MY STALL. 350 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:28,818 I ONLY PUT HIM DOWN FOR A MINUTE! 351 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,282 RIGHT! THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE UPS MAN! 352 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,156 OH, MAN. THIS IS GREAT. 353 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,190 I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT SOMETHING 354 00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:36,258 JUST LIKE THIS. 355 00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:37,927 I THINK THIS BOOK CAN HELP. 356 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,027 YEAH, ME TOO. HIT HER WITH IT. 357 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,663 AND I'LL GRAB THE CAT. 358 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,531 LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE, FIRST, UH, 359 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,666 GIVE ME THE KITTEN. I'M GOING TO CUT IT 360 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,733 IN HALF. WHAT? 361 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,201 NO, IT REALLY WORKS. COME ON GIVE ME THE CAT. 362 00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,235 YOU'RE INSANE! 363 00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:48,571 HEY, EVERYBODY! 364 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:49,772 DREW'S GONE CRAZY! HE'S GOT A KNIFE! 365 00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,239 HE'S GOING TO KILL A LITTLE KITTEN! HELP! 366 00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:52,475 I'M NOT CRAZY! 367 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,009 IT'S KING SOLOMON IN THE BIBLE! 368 00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:55,744 IT'S JUST LIKE CUTTING UP A BABY. 369 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:56,745 I'M GONNA TRY TO MAKE A POINT. 370 00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,280 COME ON. LET'S GO. 371 00:13:58,304 --> 00:13:59,782 WE'LL SHARE CUSTODY, 372 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,450 LIKE WE DID WITH THE UPS MAN. 373 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:04,186 EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL... 374 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:05,242 STUPID! 375 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:11,059 OH, OH, WAIT, OH LOOK! A KNIFE AND A BIBLE. 376 00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,295 DON'T TELL ME... OLD TESTAMENT. 377 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:14,830 THIS RELIGIOUS ADVICE STUFF 378 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,699 ISN'T AS HARD AS PEOPLE MAKE YOU THINK. 379 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:18,968 WHICH REMINDS ME, WHILE THE TWO OF YOU ARE HERE, 380 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:22,137 I WANT TO TALK ABOUT PREMARITAL SEX. AHEM. 381 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,673 DREW, YOU GOT TO MEET SOMEBODY, FIRST. 382 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,743 SO, YOU'RE STILL THINKING OF BECOMING A MINISTER, HUH? 383 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,712 YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THIS CARRIED AWAY 384 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,614 SINCE YOU HAD THE IDEA OF THE LITTLE MODEL TRAIN 385 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:32,781 THAT BRINGS YOUR BEER. 386 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,618 WELL, THE CHOO-CHOO CHUG CAME TO ME IN A DREAM. 387 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,754 BUT THIS... IS DIVINE INTERVENTION. 388 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,523 HMM. OH. THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID 389 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:41,790 WHEN YOU CAME UP WITH THE IDEA 390 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,325 FOR RADIO-CONTROLLED PIZZA. 391 00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,494 LOOK, I'M SERIOUS. 392 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,630 THE REVEREND EVEN FAXED ME THIS QUESTIONNAIRE. 393 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,565 IT'S KIND OF LIKE AN INFORMAL APTITUDE TEST. 394 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:50,833 I'VE BEEN SITTING ON IT ALL AFTERNOON 395 00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,401 ANSWERING QUESTIONS JUST LIKE THAT. 396 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,770 "IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE, WOULD YOU KILL HITLER?" 397 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:58,029 NO, BECAUSE THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE AN A&E CHANNEL. 398 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,376 WAIT A MINUTE. 399 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,580 IF I DID KILL HITLER, I'D BE ON THE A&E CHANNEL 400 00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:07,115 AS "THE GUY WHO KILLED HITLER." 401 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:08,951 WHAT ABOUT "THOU SHALL NOT KILL"? 402 00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:11,654 OH, SURE... 403 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:12,988 WHERE'S THE PART ABOUT NOT TOUCHING YOURSELF? 404 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,623 I KNOW THOSE. 405 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,159 DREW, I'M GOING TO SEE YOU LATER, 406 00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:18,460 AND I'M SURE YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT. 407 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,124 OK. ALL RIGHT. 408 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,231 SO, I SEE YOU GOT A BIBLE HERE. 409 00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:25,534 WELL, LET ME SAVE YOU A LITTLE READING. 410 00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:26,958 YOU'RE GOING TO HELL! 411 00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:32,875 YEAH. I ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE YOUR PLACE. 412 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:35,110 WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE BIBLE? 413 00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:37,780 UH, IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I'M THINKING 414 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,381 ABOUT BECOMING A MINISTER. 415 00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:41,050 OH HA HA HA! 416 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,552 I'M GOING TO STUDY WITH BARYSHNIKOV 417 00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:46,210 TO BE A PRIMA BALLERINA. 418 00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,980 DIDN'T I SEE YOU IN FANTASIA? 419 00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:53,528 "THE DUMB ASS SPOKE WITH HUMAN VOICE." 420 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:56,131 CHECK IT OUT. SECOND BOOK OF PETER. 421 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,166 I CAN'T GET DRAGGED INTO THIS. 422 00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,502 THE NEW DREW HAS TO LEARN 423 00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,370 TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK. 424 00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:04,306 WELL, I HOPE WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR BUTT 425 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,097 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY. 426 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,668 BRING IT HOME, MIMI! YES! 427 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,172 HOPE WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR BUTT... 428 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:19,622 HEY, YOU WANT SOME CREAM WITH THAT? 429 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,112 OPEN YOUR PURSE. 430 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,231 HEY, REVEREND LINDEMANN. 431 00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,233 WORKING UP WORDS OF WISDOM FOR SUNDAY'S SERMON? 432 00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,568 NO. I'M MAKING UP A BATTING ORDER. 433 00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:36,105 IT'S KIND OF A MORAL DILEMMA. 434 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:39,074 SEE, I'M THINKING OF ASKING A PARTIALLY SIGHTED GIRL 435 00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:40,631 TO BAT CLEANUP. 436 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,413 HAVE YOU CONSIDERED, UH, CUTTING HER IN HALF? 437 00:16:45,437 --> 00:16:48,917 THAT'S NOT REALLY THE ANSWER TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS, DREW. 438 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,452 WELL, I KNOW THAT. 439 00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:51,854 LOOK, UH, I THINK YOU'LL BE REALLY PROUD OF 440 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,656 THEY WAY I ANSWERED THESE QUESTIONS. 441 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,790 COULD WE GO OVER THEM, NOW? 442 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,025 SURE. JUST GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES. 443 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,026 AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 444 00:16:57,050 --> 00:17:00,284 JUST GOING TO STEP INTO MY RECTORY. 445 00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,266 GO AHEAD. 446 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,623 I KNOW YOU WANT TO. 447 00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:21,483 ALL RISE. 448 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,385 PLEASE BE SEATED. 449 00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:26,088 ALL RISE AGAIN AND, NOW, SIT DOWN. 450 00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,522 AND UP... AND DOWN... 451 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:29,291 AND 2 MORE, AND 3 MORE... 452 00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,859 AND LEFT, AND RIGHT, 453 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,449 AND UP. 454 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,064 I'M NOT A MEMBER, 455 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:37,666 BUT COULD I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU, REVEREND? 456 00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:38,701 WHO, ME? 457 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,902 I'M JUST KIND OF IN TRAINING, 458 00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,759 I'M NOT REALLY... 459 00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:45,808 WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 460 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,342 THIS IS VERY COMPLICATED, 461 00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:50,045 BUT I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. 462 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,446 OH, SURE. 463 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,015 HOW HARD COULD IT BE? 464 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,016 WELL... 465 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:58,053 MY HUSBAND JUST LEFT ME FOR MY SISTER. 466 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,022 WHOA. 467 00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,390 AND I HAVE A CHILD WHO NEEDS AN OPERATION, 468 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,726 BUT I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY... 469 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,760 OH. 470 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,695 'CAUSE I JUST LOST MY JOB. 471 00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:08,197 I COULD GET THE MONEY... 472 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,497 THERE YOU GO. 473 00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:10,833 BUT IT'S FROM A FRIEND WHO I'M PRETTY SURE 474 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:15,003 STOLE IT... BUT FROM DRUG DEALERS. 475 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,071 HMM. 476 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,662 IS IT WRONG TO TAKE THE MONEY? 477 00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:25,848 HOLD ON JUST A SECOND. 478 00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,382 OH, LET'S SEE... 479 00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,383 LOST JOB... 480 00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:29,384 CHEATING SISTER... 481 00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:30,808 DRUG MONEY... 482 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,245 LOOK, UH... 483 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,559 THE REAL MINISTER'S IN THE RECTORY. 484 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,061 EXCUSE ME? 485 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,062 YEAH. 486 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,564 THIS IS A LITTLE BIT OVER MY HEAD. 487 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:45,000 WHY'D YOU LET ME TELL YOU ALL THIS? 488 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,803 I THOUGHT I WAS READY. 489 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,872 I THOUGHT I COULD HELP YOU. 490 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,606 IF YOU WANT TO HELP ME, 491 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,297 GET ME A JOB. 492 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,067 OH, OK. 493 00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,148 WHAT? 494 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:02,084 NO. I'M SERIOUS. WHAT DO YOU DO? 495 00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,086 I'VE BEEN A WAITRESS. 496 00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,121 I HAVE A CAFETERIA. 497 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,656 I'M A PERSONNEL DIRECTOR 498 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,791 AT WINFRED-LOUDER DOWNTOWN. 499 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,325 JUST, UH, COME BY MONDAY MORNING. 500 00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:11,359 I'LL SET YOU UP. 501 00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:12,995 JUST LIKE THAT? 502 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,797 YEAH. 503 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,432 JUST LIKE THAT. 504 00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:19,156 ON FAITH. 505 00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:22,504 AH, UH... 506 00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:25,062 BUT DON'T BRING YOUR FAMILY. 507 00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,215 HEY. HEY. 508 00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:34,216 HEY, DREW. 509 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,383 SO, HOW'D IT GO WITH THE MINISTER? 510 00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:36,384 DID YOU PASS THE TEST? 511 00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:37,920 NO. I FAILED MISERABLY. 512 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,421 I SHOULD HAVE KILLED HITLER. 513 00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,156 LAWYERS CAN GET INTO HEAVEN. 514 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,992 AND I SHOULD HAVE PUT THE OXYGEN MASK 515 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,427 ON THE KID FIRST. 516 00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:46,428 SORRY. 517 00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:48,396 WELL, WE ALL CHIPPED IN 518 00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:49,431 GOT YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING 519 00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:50,432 TO HELP YOU STUDY FOR NEXT TIME. 520 00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:51,822 OH. 521 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,905 HERE YOU GO. OH, WOW. 522 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,740 A DIGITAL BIBLE. 523 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:02,144 I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT JOHN 3:16 MEANT. 524 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,746 OH, LOOK. IT SAYS DYE YOUR HAIR 3 DIFFERENT COLORS 525 00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,982 AND SIT BEHIND HOME PLATE. 526 00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,616 LISTEN, THAT'S REALLY NICE, THANKS, 527 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,719 BUT I DON'T THINK THERE'S WON'T BE A NEXT TIME. 528 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,587 HEY. WHAT HAPPENED TO REVEREND CAREY? 529 00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:14,957 WELL, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND I... 530 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,025 YOU KNOW, I CAN HELP PEOPLE WITH THE JOB I HAVE NOW. 531 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,295 BESIDES, THOSE MORAL DILEMMAS WERE JUST TOO COMPLEX. 532 00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,331 YOU KNOW? I CAN'T EVEN DECIDE WHETHER RAZZLES 533 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,166 IS A CANDY OR A GUM. 534 00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:25,734 SO, WHAT? YOU'RE JUST GONNA BLOW OFF 535 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,069 THIS WHOLE MINISTER THING? 536 00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:29,338 NO WAY. I'M GOING TO START GOING TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. 537 00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:31,206 RIGHT AFTER THE SUPER BOWL. 538 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,208 ME, TOO. 539 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,443 HEY. WHERE'S THE BEER? 540 00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:37,412 HUP. COMING RIGHT UP. 541 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,032 HEY. YEAH. 542 00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:44,519 OHH! 543 00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:46,054 OH, MY GOD. 544 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:49,079 MY BEER COULD HAVE BEEN ON THAT TRAIN. 545 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,564 YOU KNOW, DREW, OUR CHURCH 546 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,767 USUALLY DOESN'T DO THIS SORT OF THING. 547 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,168 WELL, BELIEVE ME. IT'S AN EMERGENCY. 548 00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,103 YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE GOTTEN PRETTY UGLY. 549 00:21:02,127 --> 00:21:03,571 LET'S SEE, UH... 550 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,307 CROSS, VESTMENTS... 551 00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:07,609 OH, DARN. I FORGOT MY BIBLE. 552 00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:09,377 OH, WELL, HERE. USE MINE. 553 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:10,601 OH, THANK YOU. 554 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,470 "TOUCH A BOOBY." 555 00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:17,621 I BELIEVE THIS IS YOURS. 556 00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:20,522 WE'RE GETTING CLOSER. CAN YOU FEEL THE CHILL? 557 00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:23,157 UH, WELL... A LITTLE. 558 00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:25,226 THERE SHE IS, RIGHT THERE. 559 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:26,650 COMMENCE THE EXORCISM. 560 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,520 DREW, IT'S JUST WOMAN. 561 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,830 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 562 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:37,806 I THINK WE'RE GOING TO NEED 563 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:39,941 A CATHOLIC FOR THIS ONE. 564 00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:42,944 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 565 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,968 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE www.ncicap.org... 38519

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