Original subtitles

CAN WE HAVE ANOTHER ROUND, PLEASE?

YOU GOT IT.

OH, HEY, ARE YOU GUYS DRIVING TONIGHT?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT US. WE'RE TAKING THE BUS.

WE'RE TOTALLY AGAINST DRINKING AND DRIVING.

THAT MAY NOT BE COOL...

THAT'S WHAT WE BELIEVE IN.

ACTUALLY, I'M JUST LOOKING FOR A RIDE HOME.

HEY, ARE YOU GUYS DRIVING TONIGHT?

YOU KNOW, TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT. I'M GONNA ASK HER OUT.

HEY, I WAS GOING TO ASK HER OUT.

OH, MAN.

I'M SO TIRED OF YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT IT, THEN CHICKENING OUT.

BY THE TIME EITHER OF YOU GET AROUND TO IT,

SHE'S GOING TO BE A GRAY-HAIRED, CHAIN-SMOKING,

ALCOHOLIC BARMAID.

HEY, BY THEN, MAYBE I'LL WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER.

OH, WHAT THE HECK. I GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.

UH, EXCUSE ME...

I'LL HAVE THE BEERS IN JUST A SECOND...

NO. PLEASE...

LOOK, UH...

OSWALD AND I HERE BOTH WANNA ASK YOU OUT,

BUT... YOU KNOW, WE'RE BUDDIES

AND IT'S KINDA AWKWARD, SO...

WE'RE LEAVING IT UP TO YOU.

WELL, I-I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN...

IF I WERE GONNA GO FOR LOOKS OR SOMEONE MORE MY TYPE,

I'D GO FOR OSWALD.

YES!

BUT IF I WAS GONNA GO FOR SOMEONE MORE STABLE WHO TIPS,

I'D GO FOR DREW.

I KNEW A 12 1/2% GRATUITY WOULDN'T GO UNNOTICED.

SO, I GUESS THE ONLY THING TO DO

IS GO OUT WITH BOTH OF YOU ONCE...

GET TO KNOW YOU, SEE WHO I LIKE BETTER.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU WANT US TO COMPETE AGAINST EACH OTHER,

ME AND MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD, OSWALD?

WHAT ARE YA... GONNA COMPARE US LIKE TWO PIECES OF MEAT?

WELL, HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT GAME.

YEAH...

NO WOMAN, I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD-LOOKING YOU ARE,

IS GOING TO DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN ME AND MY BEST PAL HERE.

HOMO DON'T PLAY THAT GAME EITHER.

HOMEY. HOMEY.

I THOUGHT THAT DIDN'T SOUND RIGHT.

LOOK, FORGET IT. YOU ASKED ME.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? THE NERVE.

YEAH. TRYING TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER.

WAIT A SECOND. DID SHE SAY SHE'D ACTUALLY GO OUT WITH US?

OH, MY GOD!

♪ MOON OVER PARMA, BRING MY LOVE TO ME TONIGHT ♪

♪ GUIDE HER TO CLEVELAND UNDERNEATH YOUR SILVERY LIGHT ♪

♪ WE'RE GOIN' BOWLIN' ♪

♪ SO DON'T LOSE HER IN SOLON ♪

♪ MOON OVER PARMA TONIGHT ♪

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

OH, DREW, DREW!

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.

REMEMBER THAT KID WE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH,

"BUBBLE-BUTT WILSON"? UH-HUH.

HE JUST SOLD HIS MICROCHIP COMPANY FOR $17.5 MILLION.

YEAH, BUT HE'S GOT TO PAY, LIKE, $9 MILLION IN TAXES ON THAT.

THAT'S NOT VERY SMART.

HEY, LOOK, I FOUND A NICKEL.

UNCLE SAM DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.

YES, MR. BELL?

CAREY, IS MY NEPHEW THERE?

I'M NOT SURE.

WHAT'S HE WEARING?

WELL, HE SHOULD BE THERE SOON.

HIS NAME'S BLAINE BELL.

HE JUST GOT HIS BUSINESS DEGREE FROM KENT STATE.

OH, BUSINESS SKILLS MUST RUN IN THE FAMILY, SIR.

UH-HUH. THE JURY'S STILL OUT ON BLAINE.

THE BOY'S BEEN KIND OF A PROBLEM FOR THE FAMILY,

AND I NEED YOUR HELP.

WELL, I WAS KIND OF HOPING TO RAISE MY OWN KIDS FIRST.

NO, NOT THAT. I WANT TO GIVE HIM YOUR JOB.

OH, I SEE. IN THAT CASE,

THERE'S A FEW THINGS I'VE BEEN MEANING TO...

AND I'M GIVING YOU A PROMOTION.

FOR A MIDDLE-AGED MAN, YOU LOOK GOOD IN JEANS.

NOW, CAREY, THIS KID NEEDS A GOOD KICK IN THE PANTS.

THIS ISN'T A FREEBIE.

HE'S GOT TO BE ABLE TO DO THE JOB.

NOT LIKE MY GRANDMA LILLY IN THE BOILER ROOM.

I WANT YOU TO TEACH HIM EVERYTHING YOU KNOW.

DON'T LET ME DOWN.

YOU WANT ME TO BE HAPPY, DON'T YOU, CAREY?

NOT JUST HAPPY, SIR, BUT HAP-HAP-HAPPY.

WOW! I'M GOING TO GET A PROMOTION

IN LESS YEARS THAN IT TOOK ME TO FINISH COLLEGE.

SEVEN MUST BE MY LUCKY NUMBER.

HI, UH, I'M BLAINE BELL,

THE, UH, BOSS'S NEPHEW...

BUT I WANT YOU TO TREAT ME THE SAME WAY THAT YOU WOULD TREAT ANY OTHER...

BOSS'S NEPHEW.

HI. UH, I'M KATE O'BRIEN... COSMETICS.

AND YOU'RE WHAT...

20?

21. WHY?

OH, JUST DOING THE MATH.

HI. HI, BLAINE, DREW CAREY.

YOUR UNCLE'S TOLD ME GREAT THINGS ABOUT YOU.

YEAH, RIGHT.

NO, REALLY. HE THINKS YOU HAVE A LOT OF POTENTIAL.

OTHERWISE HE WOULDN'T HAVE THREATENED ME.

LOOK, I'M SORRY. I REALLY APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO FOR ME,

BUT, UH, ISN'T THERE, LIKE, A PAMPHLET I CAN READ

OR A VIDEO I CAN WATCH?

BLAINE, YOU CAN'T LEARN THIS JOB BY WATCHING A VIDEO.

LOOK, MY UNCLE TOLD ME THAT ALL I'D HAVE TO DO WAS COME IN,

HANG AROUND FOR A FEW HOURS,

SMILE FOR THE EXECS, FLASH MY BUSINESS DEGREE, AND I'M IN.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE TOLD YOU,

BUT HE TOLD ME TO GET YOU INTO SHAPE,

BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE NEW ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL.

WOW! ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE?

MM-HMM. COOL.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU?

ANYWAY, KID, IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO USE EVERYTHING YOU LEARNED IN BUSINESS SCHOOL.

WELL, THE ONLY THING I LEARNED IN BUSINESS SCHOOL WAS HOW TO CHEAT AT GOLF.

BUT, UH, OH,

AND HOW TO SUCK UP.

ASK ME HOW YOU LOOK TODAY.

OK. HOW DO I LOOK TODAY?

IT'S LIKE STANDING TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN, SIR.

WOW!

A BELL THAT SUCKS UP TO ME.

I KNOW IT'S PHONY, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT FEELS SO GOOD.

WELL, SPEAKING OF FEELING GOOD, HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET ANYTHING DONE

WITH THIS DISTRACTION IN THE OFFICE?

OH, MY! HA HA HA HA!

WELL, I'D BETTER GET BACK TO MY COUNTER

BY THE ESCALATOR...

OH, UM,

SEE YA.

SHE'S CUTE.

IS SHE SEEING ANYONE?

LESSON NUMBER ONE...

IF YOU EXPECT TO JOIN MANAGEMENT,

YOU CAN'T BE DATING THE EMPLOYEES.

I'VE DIPPED MY DOUGHNUT IN THE COMPANY COFFEE

AND, BELIEVE ME, IT HURT.

HERE'S YOUR TEA, MASTER BLAINE.

THANK YOU, MIMI.

HEY, LISTEN. CAN YOU GET MY CAR WASHED THIS MORNING?

OH, OF COURSE. I'LL DO IT MYSELF IF YOU WANT.

I DO WANT.

DEMON SPAWN.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY UNCLE GERALD PUTS UP WITH HER.

SHE'S RUDE AND ANGRY AND THAT MAKE-UP,

OR WHATEVER IT IS, IS QUITE DISTRACTING.

YOU KNOW, IT USED TO BOTHER ME,

BUT NOW I HAVE THIS FANTASY

THAT HER REAL FACE IS ROTTING UNDERNEATH IT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT HELPS.

UGH! THIS TASTES LIKE THERE'S SPIT IN IT.

JUST SPIT?

WELL... SHE MUST LIKE YOU.

UH, BLAINE, IN THE FUTURE,

AS A COURTESY TO OUR CUSTOMERS,

PLEASE DON'T PRESS EVERY BUTTON WHEN YOU GET OFF THE ELEVATOR.

SORRY. FORCE OF HABIT.

LOOK, YOU GOT TO QUIT PULLING STUNTS LIKE THIS.

IF YOU WANT TO BE AN EFFECTIVE ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL,

YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE RESPECT OF YOUR COWORKERS.

HEY, LOOK ALIVE THERE.

STUFF IT.

YOU'RE FIRED.

YOU'RE FUNNY-LOOKING.

I'M A MIRROR.

YOU'RE STUPID, TOO.

STILL A MIRROR.

PINHEAD.

HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

SHE CALLED ME PINHEAD.

NEVER CALLED ME PINHEAD BEFORE.

SO, IS THIS GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE DAYS

THAT GOES TILL, LIKE, 5:00?

YEAH. AND HOLD ON TO YOUR SHORTS

'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE, LIKE, FIVE IN A ROW.

SO LET'S GO OVER THOSE HEALTHCARE FORMS.

I CAN'T. I-I HAVE A TREATMENT FOR MY TENNIS ELBOW.

LOOK, I GOT A NOTE FROM MY AROMATHERAPIST.

AW, MAN, BLAINE.

YOU NEED TO DO THE HEALTHCARE FORMS.

WE GOT PEOPLE WAITING FOR THEIR BENEFITS. YOU KNOW?

PEOPLE WITH KIDS. KIDS WITH IMPORTANT MEDICAL PROBLEMS.

OK, I'LL DO IT,

BUT, YOU KNOW, NO ONE EVER WENT TO THEIR GRAVE SAYING,

"I WISH I WOULD HAVE SPENT A LITTLE MORE TIME AT WORK."

NO. THEY WENT TO THEIR GRAVE SAYING,

"GEE, I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD HAVE SENT ME MY HEALTHCARE FORMS."

ALL RIGHT. I'LL DO IT DREW, BUT IF MY SERVE'S OFF, IT'S YOUR FAULT...

YOUR DOUBLE FAULT.

HA. HA. HA.

HA HA HA HA HA.

HI, KATE.

HEY, DREW.

THE MAN'S KILLING ME. WHAT'S WRONG?

CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM AS THE ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL?

PEOPLE'D BE COMIN' IN FROM 9:00 TILL NOON,

TAKIN' CAPPUCCINO BREAKS EVERY HOUR,

PLAYIN' TENNIS ON THE ROOF...

YOU THINK HE'D LET US PAY FOR THINGS WITH BANANAS?

LAUGH ALL YOU WANT KATE,

BUT THE WORK ETHIC IS JUST ABOUT GONE IN THIS COUNTRY.

NO. IT IS NOT.

IT LIVES RIGHT HERE IN THE BODY OF KATE O'BRIEN.

I JUST SOLD SOMETHING THAT'S NEVER BEEN SOLD BEFORE.

DO YOU KNOW THAT GIANT M'APPELLE BOTTLE FILLED WITH COLORED WATER?

UH-HUH. I GOT $150 FOR IT.

COLORED WATER, HUH?

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT WAS IN THOSE BOTTLES,

'CAUSE IT ALWAYS STRUCK ME ODD

THAT THEY WOULD RETAIL FOR, LIKE, $2,000!

NO...

NO PERFUME. COLORED WATER.

YES! NO!

YES! YOU CAN'T JUST GO SELLING STUFF 'CAUSE IT'S NOT BOLTED DOWN.

YOU COULD LOSE YOUR JOB OVER THIS. NO!

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

WHAT HAPPENED?

LOOK, THIS ISN'T FOR ANYONE'S EARS...

BUT KATE ACCIDENTALLY SOLD A GIANT BOTTLE OF PERFUME

FOR WAY LESS THAN IT WAS WORTH.

SO, WE ARE GOING TO COVER FOR HER,

AND SHE'S GONNA PAY BACK A LITTLE TO THE REGISTER EVERY WEEK.

OH, CRAP. I GAVE HER A TOTE BAG, TOO!

SO, CHUCK, YOU SEEM TO BE QUALIFIED FOR THE PROMOTION,

AND WELL, WE DO HAVE AN OPENING.

UNFORTUNATELY, ONE OF OUR BEST GUARDS

LET SOMEBODY WALK OFF WITH ONE OF THOSE

25-POUND BOTTLES OF, UH, PERFUME.

I THOUGHT THOSE WERE JUST COLORED WATER.

YEAH, WELL, ANYWAY, WE HAD TO TRANSFER HIM.

HMM. ANY, UH, LEADS ON THE PERP?

LOOK, UH, YOU GOT GOOD INSTINCTS. YOU GOT THE JOB.

HEY, GREAT.

HEY, YOU WON'T REGRET THIS.

AND I'LL FIND THAT PERFUME THIEF.

YEAH, WELL OUR ONLY CLUE WAS HE WAS A ONE-ARMED MAN.

SEE YOU MONDAY, BUDDY.

OH, DREW...

OH, MIMI.

I THOUGHT I FELT DEATH NEARBY.

REAL NICE, DREW. MY MOTHER JUST DIED.

OH. I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW.

JUST KIDDING.

I WISH. HA HA HA HA HA HA!

SO... I HEAR SOMETHING GOT STOLEN

FROM YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE FRIEND'S DEPARTMENT.

YEAH, SOMEONE TOOK ONE OF THOSE GIANT PERFUME BOTTLES.

SCOPE OR WILD TURKEY.

EITHER WAY, IT WASN'T YOU.

AT LEAST I DON'T SELL $2,000 WORTH OF PERFUME FOR $150.

WHAT? WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

I OVERHEARD BLAINE TELLING BELL ON A PHONE CONVERSATION

ALL ABOUT IT.

HE WOULDN'T STAB ME IN THE BACK.

IT WOULD AGGRAVATE HIS TENNIS ELBOW. OH, YEAH?

HE SAID, "FIRE DREW. HE'S PROTECTING A THIEF."

OH, MAN!

DID HE SAY ANYTHING ELSE?

YEAH. HE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE CLEANING HOUSE,

FIRE THAT HOT BLONDE THAT SITS OUTSIDE YOUR OFFICE."

THAT MAY NOT BE AN EXACT QUOTE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

BELL ASKS ME TO DO HIM A FAVOR, I DO IT,

AND NOW I'M SCREWED.

YOU?

I GAVE HIS DOG A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR NOTHING.

LISTEN, LUTHOR...

YOU'RE AN EVIL CRIMINAL GENIUS,

AND I'M A SUPERHERO FROM KRYPTON.

BUT JUST THIS ONCE, WE HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER FOR A GREATER CAUSE.

I DON'T KNOW...

MIMI, NEXT TIME YOU GAS MY CAR,

CAN YOU KINDLY RETURN THE SEAT TO THE ORIGINAL POSITION?

THANKS, BABE.

YOU KNOW...

SEPARATELY WE'RE NOTHING.

BUT TOGETHER...

WE'RE 800 POUNDS OF TROUBLE.

ALL RIGHT. I'M IN FOR 120.

LET'S SEE. LET'S SEE...

AH. SOUP FOR ONE.

COMING!

MIMI!

MAY I COME IN?

WHAT'S GOIN' ON? I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS BLAINE THING

TOMORROW MORNING OVER COFFEE.

I COULDN'T WAIT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE LITTLE SNOT DID TO ME TONIGHT?

HE HAD ME WAIT FOR 3 HOURS

IN LINE TO BUY HIM TICKETS

TO THE GANGSTA-RAPATHON.

SO, I TAKE IT YOU'RE NOT DOWN WITH O.P.P.?

HERE, LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT.

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF, PIGGY.

I DON'T GO TO MEN'S HOUSES ALONE, AS A RULE,

SO DON'T TRY ANY OF THAT CUTESY STUFF

LIKE TURNING THE LIGHTS OUT OR ANYTHING.

MIMI, I WOULDN'T TURN THE LIGHTS OUT

IF WE WERE IN LONDON DURING THE BLITZ.

HEY, DREW...

AND MIMI.

WELL, WE CAME BY TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO GO OUT DRINKING,

BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU BOTH HAVE ALREADY BEEN.

KNOCK IT OFF.

YOU KNOW, NOW THAT I SEE YOU TWO OUT OF THE OFFICE,

IT SEEMS SO RIGHT.

CAN IT, YOU TWO. I'M HERE ON BUSINESS.

YEAH, WE'RE TRYIN' TO COME UP WITH A PLAN TO GET RID OF MR. BELL'S NEPHEW.

WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO GET RID OF BLAINE?

HE'S SO CUTE.

HE'S TRYING TO GET ME FIRED,

BECAUSE HE THINKS THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE CAN GET MY JOB.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

HE'S SO CUTE.

I HEARD HIM ON THE PHONE

TELLING BELL ABOUT HOW YOU COST THE COMPANY $2,000

AND THEN LIED TO COVER YOUR BUTT.

THAT CUTE BASTARD!

WE'LL BE AT THE WARSAW.

WHERE ARE ALL THE HONEST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE?

I FEEL SO ALL ALONE.

HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?

HONEST, ATTRACTIVE, AND CLEAN.

SO, YOU WANT ANYTHING TO EAT BEFORE WE GET STARTED?

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

LET'S SEE. I GOT BEER, BEER MUSTARD,

BEER BREAD, BEER NUTS, BEER-BREADED SHRIMP...

AND BEN AND JERRY'S CHUNKY MONKEY.

CHUNKY MONKEY'S MY FAVORITE.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S REALLY NO MONKEYS IN HERE.

DAMN ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS.

YOUR HOUSE IS PRETTY NEAT...

I MEAN, FOR A BACHELOR.

YEAH, I LIKE IT THIS WAY.

IT'S ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT LIVING ALONE.

THAT, AND YOU KNOW ALL THAT STUFF THAT GETS CAUGHT IN THE DRAIN?

IT'S YOURS.

YEAH.

I LIKE BEING SINGLE.

I MEAN, I COULD GO OUT WITH ALL KINDS OF GUYS,

BUT I ENJOY MY PRIVACY.

I'M SURE THEY APPRECIATE IT, TOO.

UH, YOU KNOW,

UNTIL WE FIND A PLAN FOR GETTIN' RID OF BLAINE,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET TOGETHER EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

OH, GOD, WE'D BETTER GET TO WORK.

OK...

I GOT A PLAN.

WHAT IF WE PUT A TRACE AMOUNT OF POISON IN HIS COFFEE EVERY DAY

TILL IT BUILDS UP AND FINALLY KILLS HIM?

DOES THAT WORK?

I DON'T KNOW. ASK ME IN 2 MONTHS.

YOU KNOW, YOU OUGHT TO SMILE MORE.

IT REALLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE.

REALLY? YOU THINK SO?

YEAH.

AND YOU KNOW, I'M NO EXPERT, BUT...

I THINK A LOT OF GUYS

PREFER MORE OF A, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE MORE OF A NATURAL LOOK.

I THINK IT'S OK TO HELP NATURE A LITTLE.

I MEAN, IT'S A LOT OF WORK,

BUT I CARE ABOUT MY APPEARANCE.

I THINK OF MAKE-UP AS MY PALETTE

AND MY FACE AS MY CANVAS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A GOOD THING WE'RE FRIENDS RIGHT NOW.

NOW, ALL WE GOT TO DO...

IS GET BLAINE TO DO SOMETHING WRONG.

ALL RIGHT. I GOT ONE LAST PLAN.

IT STILL INVOLVES MURDER... NOT HIS.

FIRST, WE NEED A DEAD HOOKER.

OH, UH, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS INTERVIEW, BLAINE?

IT'LL BE GOOD PRACTICE FOR WHEN YOU GET THE JOB.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

WHOO! UH, HOW LONG DID YOU WORK AT SEARS, MR. VERMISELLI?

UH... VERMICELLI.

I'M SORRY. VERMICELLI.

WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN SALES?

CHALES.

WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, SIR?

7 YEARS.

UH, LOOK, BLAINE, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL.

YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

YEAH, SURE.

LOOK, UH, WHILE YOUR BOSS ISN'T HERE,

I NEED THIS JOB REAL BAD.

AND WELL, I-I GOT A COUPLE OF FELONIES I NEED YOU TO OVERLOOK...

IF YOU NEED REFERENCES,

I'M SURE MR...

FRANKLIN CAN VOUCH FOR ME.

YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT

JUST AS SOON AS THAT SECURITY CAMERA SWINGS BACK THIS WAY.

I... I GOT TO GO.

BACK TO, UH, CHITALY.

HEY, BLAINE.

HEY... KATE.

WHERE'S DREW?

HE WENT TO GET COFFEE.

LOOK, LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE.

YOU, ME,

XEROX ROOM...

I'M GOING TO ROCK YOUR WORLD.

OK.

REALLY? OK.

ALL RIGHT. YOU GO FIRST AND GET READY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK WE NEED A CODE WORD, THOUGH,

SO I'LL KNOW IT'S YOU AT THE DOOR.

OK. HOW ABOUT, "ARE YOU NAKED?

"'CAUSE I HAVE A CAMERA,

AND DREW WANTS TO GET ME FIRED."

YEAH. THAT'LL BE... OH.

DREW!

MIMI!

YOU GUYS DON'T DESERVE YOUR JOBS

IF THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO.

HEY, MAN...

HEY... YOU WANT TO BUY SOME DRUGS?

HE KNOWS, OSWALD.

IN THAT CASE,

IS ANYBODY CONSTIPATED?

LOOK, I'M SORRY I SNITCHED, MAN.

SORRY? THIS COULD HAVE COST ME MY JOB.

WELL, YOU SAID YOU MIGHT NOT HIRE ME.

AND I WASN'T GONNA WASTE ALL THIS TIME LEARNING YOUR JOB

WHEN I ALREADY KNOW MY UNCLE'S PHONE NUMBER.

OH, YEAH? TWO PEOPLE KNOW THAT PHONE NUMBER.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA TELL HIM?

THAT HE SHOULD SIDE WITH YOU

AND NOT HIS OWN FLESH AND BLOOD?

NO. I WANNA TELL HIM A TALE OF TREACHERY AND DECEIT.

GERRY BELL.

IT WON'T WORK, DREW.

OH, YEAH?

MR. BELL...

A CERTAIN SUZY IN SPORTSWEAR

SAID SHE LEFT HER RETAINER IN YOUR CAR.

AND THEN I SAID,

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT ME TO FIRE YOUR NEPHEW BLAINE?

UH, HA HA... YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, CAREY.

GET RID OF HIM.

THEY NEVER TAUGHT THAT IN BUSINESS SCHOOL.

WELL, ACTUALLY MAYBE THEY DID.

I MISSED A COUPLE OF CLASSES... A DAY.

HEY, LISTEN, NO HARD FEELINGS.

UH, WHY DON'T I BUY YOU A DRINK?

MAYBE LATER. I GOTTA BE HERE A WHILE.

I GOTTA PROCESS YOUR TERMINATION FORMS.

UH... I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

WELL, DREW, WE DID IT.

I THINK I FEEL A LITTLE CLOSER TO YOU NOW.

YEAH. ME, TOO.

MAYBE THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO TELL YOU

THAT I STILL WANT THAT JOB IN COSMETICS.

YEAH, AND I'D LIKE TO MODEL GUESS JEANS,

BUT... GUESS WHAT?

LISTEN, JERK, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GET COMPLIMENTS ON MY MAKE-UP.

YEAH. I LOVE YOUR MAKE-UP.

IT GOES PERFECTLY WITH THE BACK END OF MY MANDRILL.

DON'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU FIND

A DEAD HOOKER IN YOUR BED.

YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING OVER, MIMI.

HEY, LISA.

HEY, DREW.

YOU KNOW, IT'S CLOSING TIME.

I KNOW.

I GUESS YOU AND I ARE THE LAST TWO LEFT IN THE STORE NOW, HUH.

I GUESS SO.

SO, YOU, UH, GONNA CHICKEN OUT?

NO. ARE YOU?

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE I'M CHICKENING OUT?

I DON'T KNOW. DOES...

THIS LOOK LIKE I'M CHICKENING OUT?

YOU BREAK IT, YOU BUY IT.

HEY, YOU TWO. YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE

OR YOU'RE GONNA GET STUCK IN THE STORE ALL NIGHT.

OH, YEAH.

OH, GEE. HA! WE DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.

YEAH, DON'T WORRY. I'LL STICK WITH LISA... MAKE SURE SHE GETS OUT OK.

BUT THANKS A LOT, CHUCK. YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.

ALL RIGHT. BUT REMEMBER,

YOU DO NOT WANNA GET STUCK IN HERE WITH SATAN AND HIS FRIENDS.

WHAT'S THAT?

AS SOON AS WE TURN ON THE SECURITY ALARM,

WE RELEASE A PACK OF VICIOUS DOGS TO PATROL THE STORE.

WELL, OK. WE'LL WATCH OUT FOR THE DOGS.

I LIKE CHUCK, YOU KNOW.

MOST GUYS ARE LIKE A FRUSTRATED DIRTY HARRY.

HE'S MORE, LIKE, YOU KNOW... BARNEY MILLER.

SO, MATTRESSES...

OR BELTS AND PURSES?

HOW ABOUT THE BIG TABLE IN THE BOARDROOM?

OOH, SURROUNDED BY PORTRAITS OF OLD MEN?

LET'S DO IT.

YOUR CHARIOT HAS ARRIVED.

UH, WE'LL TAKE THE NEXT ONE.

RUN!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE www.ncicap.org...