Original subtitles

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y

NIGHT!

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y

NIGHT!

Kate: DREW? BACK HERE, KATE.

NO MORE BLIND DATES.

THIS GUY'S A LAWYER, RIGHT?

HE USES A TWO-FOR-ONE COUPON AT DINNER.

I'M SUPPOSED TO ORDER SOMETHING

THE SAME PRICE OR LESS THAN SOUP?

BOY, AN OBNOXIOUS LAWYER?

WHAT'S NEXT, A WACKY WEATHERMAN?

HEY, I CAME OVER HERE FOR A LITTLE SYMPATHY.

AW.

THAT'S OK, KATE.

WE'LL PLAY A LITTLE EIGHTBALL,

HAVE SOME BEER. NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

YOU'LL BE DRUNK AND BROKE.

BY THE WAY, UH...

HOW DID YOU KNOW I'D BE HOME TONIGHT?

WELL, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.

I COULD HAVE HAD A DATE. IT'S JUST THAT

I HAD THAT BIG SALTPETER SANDWICH

FOR LUNCH, AND I WASN'T IN THE MOOD.

HEY, KATE, DREW.

HEY, LEWIS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

DID YOU AND PAM HAVE A FIGHT?

NO. NO, WE WERE JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND SHE KICKED ME OUT OF THE CAR

AND DROVE AWAY.

TRIED TO GET HER TO WEAR THAT THING AGAIN?

YEAH. YEAH.

WELL, RACK 'EM UP.

BY THE WAY,

HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I WOULD BE HOME?

BIBLICAL PROPHECY.

YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYONE GOES OUT

ON SATURDAY NIGHTS, YOU KNOW.

MAYBE I DON'T LIKE CROWDS.

MAYBE TUESDAY MORNING'S MY BIG NIGHT OUT.

MORE BEER WITH THOSE PANCAKES, MY DEAR?

HEY, GUYS. HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY GARAGE?

I BORROWED YOUR CAR.

YOU BORROWED MY CAR?

HOW'D YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T NEED IT?

IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT.

DID THE PIZZA I ORDERED GET HERE YET?

THE PIZZA YOU ORDERED AT MY HOUSE,

THE PLACE WHERE I MIGHT NOT BE?

THE GUY WHO COULDN'T GET A DATE

IF DATES WERE MAGNETS AND HIS BUTT

WAS DUE NORTH?!

DREW, YOU'RE RIGHT.

WE SHOULDN'T ASSUME YOU'LL BE HOME,

AND EVEN IF YOU ARE,

WE SHOULDN'T ASSUME THAT YOU WANT COMPANY.

THAT'S TRUE.

OH, WELL, THANK YOU!

COME ON, GUYS. LET'S GIVE DREW SOME SPACE.

WE'LL GO DOWN TO THE WARSAW.

I'LL EXPLAIN A LITTLE SOMETHING TO LEWIS.

I TOLD YOU WOMEN DON'T THINK

THOSE THINGS ARE SEXY.

HEY, IF IT'S NOT SEXY,

HOW COME I HAD TO ORDER IT FROM MEXICO, HUH?

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

YOU KNOW, ONE SATURDAY NIGHT,

WE'RE NOT COMING BACK.

YEAH? ONE SATURDAY NIGHT, I MIGHT NOT EVEN BE HERE.

WELL, DREW, THE SUN'S NOT GOING TO EXPLODE

FOR ANOTHER 955 MILLION YEARS.

YEAH? WELL, THE SATURDAY NIGHT

BEFORE THAT, I'M GOING OUT.

♪ MOON OVER PARMA, BRING MY LOVE TO ME TONIGHT ♪

♪ GUIDE HER TO CLEVELAND UNDERNEATH YOUR SILVERY LIGHT ♪

♪ WE'RE GOIN' BOWLIN' ♪

♪ SO DON'T LOSE HER IN SOLON ♪

♪ MOON OVER PARMA TONIGHT ♪

MY! THESE ARE SOME INTERESTING MANNEQUINS

YOU'VE DONE HERE.

OH, LOOK, A CHRISTMAS DISPLAY.

HA. BLOOD.

WELL, THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

REALLY A PLEASURE.

GOSH, YOUR SKIN IS COLD.

TRY AND GET SOME SUN, WON'T YOU?

WHOA.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

IF IT ISN'T MISS MIMI BOBECK,

THE WOMAN WHO ALMOST GOT ME FIRED.

BITE ME, DOUGH BOY.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A VERY FORWARD PERSON.

YOU CAN'T JUST SIT THERE.

THAT'S WHERE MR. BELL'S ASSISTANT SITS.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M JUST GOING TO CALL SECURITY.

HELLO, BILL?

IS THAT YOU AT THE GRAND CANYON?

HOLD ON A SECOND, BILL.

IS THAT YOUR PARENTS?

YOU'RE DOING A FINE JOB, BILL.

JUST CALLING TO SAY, HEY, BILL!

WHEN DID YOU GET THIS JOB?

YESTERDAY. TO KEEP ME

FROM GOING TO THE LABOR RELATIONS BOARD,

MR. BELL HIRED ME

AS HIS PERSONAL ASSISTANT.

OH, AND THIS MUST BE YOUR DOG!

OH, HE'S A BIG FELLA, HUH?

I GUESS IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY

ABOUT DOGS AND THEIR OWNERS.

THEY LOOK... NOTHING ALIKE.

LISTEN, PIG...

NO, WE'RE FRIENDS NOW.

JUST CALL ME DREW.

FROM NOW ON, YOUR LIFE'S GOING TO BE HELL.

NOT A DAY GOES BY

THAT I DON'T TRY TO GET YOU FIRED.

YOU'RE GONNA MISS MEETINGS, YOU'RE GONNA LOSE MEMOS...

OK, FRIEND?

OH, BY THE WAY, THIS CAME FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST

WALTZ IN HERE AND THREATEN ME,

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP AGAINST.

AND NEXT TIME, IT WON'T BE MY ENVELOPE.

MR. CAREY?

I'M SORRY. MY FATHER'S MR. CAREY. I'M MRS. CAREY.

WANT TO SMILE SO I KNOW YOU'RE KIDDING?

HI. I'M LISA ROBINS.

I'M HERE FOR THE VISUAL MERCHANDISER POSITION.

OH, YOU MEAN WINDOW DISPLAYS.

GREAT. STEP INTO THE PRODUCTION MODULE

OF THE HUMAN RESOURCES ALLOCATOR.

WELCOME ABOARD, MIMI.

AND DON'T FORGET, FRIDAY IS CRAZY SOCK DAY!

LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE HERE.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. LIES, LIES, LIES.

PHONY, PHONY, PHONY.

WOW, YOU WORKED AT ANTONIO'S?

YEAH.

I WAS A WAITER THERE, LIKE, 10 YEARS AGO.

OH, HEY, 6 FOR ME.

MAN, I LOVED THAT PARMA PIZZA.

I ATE IT MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT.

EVERYBODY HATED ME

'CAUSE I NEVER GAINED AN OUNCE.

EVERYBODY LIKED ME.

WELL, YOU SEEM TO HAVE DONE OK.

HEY, IF YOU GET PROMOTED, DO YOU GET A CEILING?

ACTUALLY, WHEN I DO GET MY NEXT PROMOTION,

I WILL GET A REAL OFFICE.

I... I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND.

OH, I'M SORRY.

COULD HAVE SHARED A LAUGH,

AND I WAS TOO UPTIGHT.

OH, LOOK AT THAT.

YOUR WHOLE HEAD IS BLUSHING.

THAT'S SO CUTE!

MAY I, UH... SEE YOUR PORTFOLIO?

AH.

YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE

BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY AS A MAN, ARE YOU?

NO, NO, NO, I'M FINE.

IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME,

LET'S TALK ABOUT ME.

OK. WHAT'S WITH THE HAIRCUT?

HEAD LICE. ANY MORE ABOUT ME?

YEAH. THOSE GLASSES?

WHOSE INTERVIEW IS THIS?

HEY, I'M JUST MAKING SMALL TALK.

I DO THAT WHEN I'M NERVOUS.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?

YOU EAT.

SHUT UP. I SWEAT.

WAIT... WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS?

WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS?

UH-UH. I ASKED FIRST.

NO, YOU ASKED FIRST.

HEY, UH, YOU KNOW, THESE ARE REALLY GOOD.

THANKS.

LISTEN, UH... WHY DON'T YOU JUST FILL OUT

THIS PERSONALITY PROFILE TEST,

AND WE'LL TALK AFTER.

OK.

HERE'S THE QUESTIONS.

AND...

HERE'S THE ANSWERS.

OH, LOOK!

HERE'S ONE THAT'S ALREADY FILLED OUT.

SHE'S GOT THIS GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR,

SHE'S EASY TO TALK TO,

SHE'S CRUDE, SHE'S VULGAR,

SHE HATES ALL THE SAME PEOPLE I HATE.

LOVE THAT. PERFECT.

AND AS AN ADDED BONUS, SHE CAN EAT LIKE A PIG

AND NEVER GAIN AN OUNCE.

HEY, THERE'S OSWALD AND BETH.

HEY, BETH.

WHERE YOU GOING, BETH?

SEE YA LATER, BETH.

ARE WE SURE HER NAME'S BETH?

WHAT'S WITH BETH?

YOU MEAN CLAIRE?

SHE DUMPED ME.

YOU'RE KIDDING. WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME THING.

EVERYTHING STARTS OUT FINE,

THEN IT'S, "I DON'T THINK THIS IS GONNA WORK OUT."

AND I ALWAYS TELL 'EM, "OF COURSE IT WILL.

TRUST ME. I REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU."

OH, MAN, OSWALD.

HMM. WHAT?

WELL... YOU'RE A GREAT GUY.

YOU'RE CUTE, YOU'RE GENEROUS,

YOU WEAR BAD SHOES, BUT THAT'S NOT A CRIME.

BUT "TRUST ME, IT'LL WORK OUT"...

I MEAN, SOME WOMEN MAY FIND YOUR VOICE

A LITTLE INSINCERE.

REALLY?

OR IT COULD BE THAT YOUR FOREHEAD

TAKES UP 2/3 OF YOUR FACE.

HI! HOW ARE YOU? HI! HOW ARE YOU?

WELL, WE'VE LOST A GOOD FRIEND

IN OSWALD, BUT WE STILL HAVE OUR BEER,

AND DREW'S GOT A WOMAN.

NO, I DON'T.

WELL, I'M DRINKING ANYWAY.

YEAH.

LISTEN, I'D LOVE TO GO OUT WITH LISA, BUT I CAN'T.

I'M GIVING HER THE JOB.

AND MANAGEMENT SHOULDN'T DATE REGULAR EMPLOYEES...

NO MATTER HOW CLOSE THAT MANAGEMENT IS

TO HAVING NO DISCERNABLE POWER.

MAN, IT'S LONELY AT THE MIDDLE.

OH, MAN!

IT'S MIDNIGHT!

WHAT?! OH, HI, DREW.

HI, MILLIE! WHAT'S UP?

LISTEN, I WAS WONDERING, CAN YOU HEAR THAT OK?

'CAUSE I'M GETTING MOSTLY VIBRATIONS

OVER AT MY PLACE.

OH, SORRY, SORRY.

JULES, TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!

OLD MAN CAREY'S OVER HERE TO COMPLAIN!

YOU KNOW, NORMALLY, I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING,

BUT, YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE REASONS

I BOUGHT MY FOLKS' HOUSE

IS THAT THE NEIGHBORHOOD'S

KINDA QUIET. 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,

AFTER A LONG DAY, I JUST LIKE TO UNWIND

OR READ OR SOMETHING.

YOU WERE READING?

YEAH.

ARE YOU GOING TO SCHOOL?

PEACHES, COME OUT HERE AND GET BABY!

IT'S OK. I LIVE NEXT DOOR.

YOU SEE ME EVERY DAMN DAY.

OH, THAT'S ENOUGH, BABY!

HUSH.

HI, DREW.

I'LL JUST LET YOU TWO TALK.

SORRY ABOUT BABY, DREW.

HE'S JUST A LITTLE EXCITABLE,

AREN'T YOU, BABY?

WHO'S MAMA'S BABY?

YOU'RE MAMA'S BABY! AT LEAST UNTIL MAMA

HAS A LITTLE BABY OF HER OWN.

HOW YOU BEEN, DREW?

BUSY.

VERY BUSY.

AND STERILE.

DREW! HOW'S IT HANGING?

HA HA HA!

SORRY ABOUT THE MUSIC. BUDDY OF MINE

PICKED UP A HANDFUL OF CD SYSTEMS

AT A FACTORY OUTLET STORE.

YOU WANT ONE?

MAKE THAT DRIVE INTO WORK REALLY SWEET.

WELL, THANKS, BUT, YOU KNOW, I CARPOOL.

I'LL EVEN INSTALL IT MYSELF.

HOW'S, UH...

100 BUCKS SOUND?

WELL, IT WOULD DOUBLE THE VALUE OF MY CAR.

DAD'S STEREOS ARE THE BEST.

I ONLY GOT 80% OF MY HEARING.

YEAH, BUT LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE...

MY DANG TESTICLE FINALLY SHOOK LOOSE.

WELL, AS OF 12:09,

I OFFICIALLY KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT YOU!

GOOD NIGHT.

SEE YA, DREW.

EXCUSE ME.

SHH.

LISA'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

I KNOW, I MET HER.

SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

NICE HEINIE.

KATE...

DREW, LISTEN TO ME.

THIS IS THE ONE TIME...

HEY, SHE'S BUYING SOMETHING!

THAT'S MY COMMISSION! THIS IS THE ONE TIME.

IF YOU IGNORE THIS, IT WILL GO AWAY.

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?

BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

I UNDERSTAND.

YEAH, DREW!

LISA'S RIGHT OVER THERE!

YEAH, SHE LOOKS REAL CUTE TODAY!

HEY, LIS!

THANKS, KATE.

DON'T FORGET TO CALL THAT NUMBER.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A LITTLE CRACK PROBLEM.

HI, LISA.

HEY, DREW.

BOY, THESE MANNEQUINS JUST KEEP GETTING

BETTER AND BETTER-LOOKING.

WOW. SHE'D PROBABLY NEVER TALK TO ME.

OH, COULD YOU HAND ME THAT BRA?

YOU WANT THE DEMI-CUP, THE UNDERWIRE,

OR THE SPORT?

DEMI-CUP. YOU SEEM TO KNOW

YOUR WAY AROUND WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR.

WELL, I JUST HAVE A GENERAL THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE.

I DON'T KNOW. YOU THINK THIS WILL WORK?

I THINK IT'S ABOUT TO. AHEM. GOTTA GO.

WAIT.

UM... ARE YOU BUSY TONIGHT?

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD HAVE DINNER AND A MOVIE.

I'D LOVE TO, BUT, YOU KNOW, THE COMPANY

HAS RULES AGAINST THAT KIND OF THING.

OH, UH... MAYBE WE COULD GET TOGETHER

SO YOU COULD EXPLAIN THEM TO ME.

OH, WHAT THE HECK.

IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A DATE.

8:00 TONIGHT AT THE WARSAW.

IT'S RIGHT WHERE THE GDANSK USED TO BE.

YOU'LL KNOW ME

BY HAVING MET ME PREVIOUSLY.

WOW. I'M DOING PRETTY WELL.

I BETTER LEAVE.

DREW, COME HERE, COME HERE!

WAIT, THERE'S SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE.

OH, IT'S A TWINKLE.

SHUT UP!

HEY, DREW, I DIDN'T EXPECT

TO SEE YOU HERE TONIGHT. WHAT'S UP?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT'S UP?

HOW COME EVERYTHING HAS TO BE UP?

CAN'T A GUY JUST WALK INTO A BAR?

IS THAT ILLEGAL NOW?

NO, BUT THE WAY YOU SMELL SHOULD BE.

TOO MUCH COLOGNE?

TOO MUCH? YOU MEAN THERE WAS MORE?

HI, DREW.

HI, LISA.

UH, GUYS, THIS IS LISA.

LISA, THIS IS GUYS.

OH, YEAH. HI.

YOU MUST BE THE WOMAN DREW...

ISN'T DATING.

AND SINCE WE'RE NOT DATING,

YOU DON'T NEED TO GET TO KNOW THEM.

AHEM. COME ON. OK.

OK.

LOOK, I'M SERIOUS. THIS CAN'T BE A DATE, OK?

OK.

NOT EVEN THE APPEARANCE OF A DATE.

THANKS...

HOW'S THAT?

PERFECT.

SO, HOW ARE YOU TWO TONIGHT?

OH, GOOD.

GREAT. I'LL HAVE A, UH...

DOUBLE CHILI CHEESEBURGER

WITH EVERYTHING, EXTRA ONIONS...

AND YOU CAN TAKE MY NAPKIN

'CAUSE I'M NOT GONNA BE NEEDING IT TONIGHT.

MA'AM?

LET'S SEE, UH...

OK. GIVE ME A COUPLE SLOPPY JOES,

OPEN FACE WITH EXTRA SAUCE.

GIVE ME A SIDE OF SAUERKRAUT,

AND I WON'T BE NEEDING THIS.

SHOULD I BRING PLATES OR SHOULD I

JUST THROW THE FOOD ON THE FLOOR?

IT'S YOUR CALL.

SO DO, UH, DO YOU USUALLY EAT

DOUBLE CHILI CHEESEBURGERS WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON A DATE?

YUP. POWER FOOD. THE KIND OF FOOD

JUST MARCHES RIGHT DOWN YOUR THROAT, YOU KNOW.

"FOLLOW ME, BOYS. WE'RE GOING TO THE HEART."

"WHAT IS THAT, LETTUCE?

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!"

OH, GREAT.

WHAT?

SOME PEOPLE FROM THE STORE.

DON'T WORRY. THEY WON'T SEE US.

WHAT IF THEY DO SEE US?

WE'RE TALKING BUSINESS.

DREW...

I LIKE YOU.

OK. SO WE'RE OFF BUSINESS.

LOOK, UM...

ISN'T THERE ANY WAY WE COULD SEE EACH OTHER?

I'M THE DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL.

IT'LL LOOK LIKE I'M PLAYING FAVORITES.

IF I DATE YOU,

I'LL HAVE TO DATE EVERYBODY.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, PROMISE ME ONE THING.

WHAT?

YOU'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

AHH. OH, MAN.

MIMI.

LOOKING FOR ME?

HELLO, MR. CAREY.

I THINK YOU KNOW EVERYBODY FROM WORK.

JIM, SUE, GREAT TO SEE YOU!

HOW YOU DOING!

HEY, KATE.

SO, HOW DO I LOOK?

VERY APOLLO 13.

DASHING ASTRONAUT OR NERDY MISSION CONTROL GUY?

SPACE MONKEY.

YOU'RE TRYING TO IMPRESS LISA.

YOU'RE GOING FOR IT!

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M GOING FOR IT.

I MEAN, LET PEOPLE TALK.

I'M DOING THIS FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS.

MY CONSCIENCE IS CLEAN.

OH, AND SO IS YOUR NECK! YOU SHAVED YOUR NECK!

YOU ARE IN LOVE.

OH, LOOK AT YOU, MY LITTLE SPACE MONKEY.

LOOK AT YOU!

NO!

WHAT IS IT?

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

JULES!

HEY, JULES, YOU UP?

HEY, JULES!

Drew. DREW!

WHAT'S THE HASSLE?

MY DASHBOARD IS RIPPED OUT OF MY CAR.

I'M PUTTING IN YOUR NEW STEREO SYSTEM.

YOU TOLD ME YOU CARPOOLED IN THE MORNING.

WELL, I'M DRIVING THIS MORNING.

THAT'S THE HASSLE, MAN.

YOU SAID YOU'D BE DONE WITH THAT LAST NIGHT.

HAD TO PICK UP MY BEES.

YOU HAVE BEES?

AH AH AH AH. GET YOUR OWN.

BUT, UH, HERE.

YOU CAN TAKE MY RIDE.

SORRY, MAN.

LIKE I SAID, IT'S MY NEIGHBOR'S TRUCK.

ANYBODY HERE A MOLLY HATCHET FAN?

AC/DC?

IT'S HIGHWAY TO HELL.

COULD SOMEONE OPEN THE REAR WINDOW, PLEASE?

HEY, HOW ARE WE DOING BACK THERE?

COULD YOU GUYS STOP THROWING YOUR CIGARETTES

OUT THE WINDOW?

LEARN HOW TO SIGNAL, YOU JERK!

AH-HEH. SORRY, MAN.

DOES ANYONE ELSE HEAR THAT SOUND?

SOUNDS LIKE BEES.

BOY, YOU SURE PICKED THE WRONG DAY

TO WEAR THAT LILAC PERFUME.

YOU CALL THAT A BEE STING?

YOU CAN BARELY SEE IT.

DREW! I CAN SEE IT, AND IT'S ON MY FOREHEAD!

HELLO, LASHONDRA.

CAN YOU SEND LISA ROBINS UP HERE RIGHT AWAY, PLEASE?

THANKS.

IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR A NOONER, ISN'T IT?

I WAITED TILL 40 MINUTES AFTER MY MEAL.

YES, MR. BELL.

CAREY, YOU PUT ME IN AN AWKWARD POSITION HERE,

THIS THING WITH YOU AND THE NEW WOMAN.

IT'S ALL OVER THE STORE.

AWW, MAN. LISTEN, SIR, I CAN EXPLAIN...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN. THE POINT IS, CAREY,

IT DOESN'T SIT WELL WITH THE OTHER EMPLOYEES.

I WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP TERMINATED NOW, PERIOD.

BUT, MR. BELL...

PERIOD.

WELL... WELL, IN THAT CASE, SIR,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIRE ME.

FIRE YOU? NO WAY.

YOU'RE ONE OF MY MOST VALUABLE EMPLOYEES.

REALLY?

BESIDES, THE SEVERANCE PAY FOR SOMEBODY

WITH YOUR SENIORITY IS OUTRAGEOUS.

IT'D BE CHEAPER TO HAVE YOU KILLED.

HA HA HA!

THANK YOU, SIR.

IF ANYONE LOSES A JOB, IT'LL BE THIS NEW WOMAN.

HANDLE IT, CAREY.

BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR. SHE JUST...

MAN!

SORRY, DREW.

WELL, NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL LISA?

"I'M SORRY, BUT MR. BELL

WON'T LET ME GO OUT WITH YOU"?

THAT I'M ALREADY MARRIED TO MY JOB?

HEY, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY KIDS...

ULCER AND BIG-CHAIR ASS. YOU KNOW, BIG-CHAIR ASS

IS GOING TO COLLEGE IN THE FALL.

YOU CALLED, BOSS?

WHAT'S UP?

PLEASE, UH, SIT DOWN.

UH-OH.

IT'S THAT "MY WIFE JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT US" VOICE.

CLOSE. I JUST GOT REAMED BY MR. BELL

FOR US GOING OUT LAST NIGHT.

LOOK, I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY,

AND I KNOW WE'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER

A FEW DAYS, BUT...

I'M WILLING TO GIVE UP ALL OF THIS...

HEY, IT'S ONLY ONE WALL SHORT OF A CUBE...

IF YOU ARE WILLING TO COMMIT

TO A LIFELONG RELATIONSHIP.

DREW...

I KNOW. THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT.

IT'S THE MOST IRRATIONAL THING

YOU EVER HEARD ANYONE SAY.

YEAH, IT IS.

WAIT. I WANT KIDS.

DREW, I CAN'T LET YOU QUIT YOUR JOB FOR ME.

THAT'S CRAZY.

THEN I'LL HAVE THE KIDS.

LOOK. I HAVE CHILDBEARING HIPS.

WELL, YOU REALLY DO HAVE FANTASTIC HIPS.

REALLY? WELL, I...

I ALWAYS HOPED...

OH, COME ON.

WE HARDLY KNOW EACH OTHER.

I CAN BARELY COMMIT TO ONE HAIR COLOR

FOR MORE THAN A MONTH,

MUCH LESS TO YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

IT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE, DREW.

YEAH, I SEE. IN THAT CASE,

I CALLED YOU UP HERE TO BREAK IT OFF. AHEM.

OH, GOD, NO.

DON'T GO TO PIECES ON ME. BE STRONG.

SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW, GO ON WITH OUR LIVES

AND DATE OTHER PEOPLE?

WELL, I CAN, BUT YOU CAN'T.

HEY...

AH, IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED OUT, ANYWAY.

YOUR FACE IS TOO FAT.

YEAH, WELL, YOUR CALVES ARE TOO CLOSE TO YOUR ANKLES.

YOUR EARS AREN'T LEVEL.

YEAH? NEITHER ARE YOUR BREASTS!

DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD IN THE OFFICE?

AND YOU'RE NOT TOO SMART, EITHER!

OH, YEAH. LIKE IT TAKES A GENIUS TO FIGURE THAT OUT!

GOT HER THAT TIME.

MAN...

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.

JULES!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE www.ncicap.org...