Original subtitles

# Be as one

# Life's too short

- Morning. - Morning.

Do you want pancakes? Donuts, Tab?

Mm, can I have some cereal?

Uh,

sure.

Do you have regular milk?

Sorry, just almond milk.

Good morning, Dodie, Liam. Tab.

Pancakes?

Yeah, can I help, or?

There's jam in the fridge.

How'd they get the cows to eat all these almonds?

Out together all night.

What don't I know?

Tab came on a date with my throuple.

Ooh.

I'm not sure I approve.

Yeah, well give it a day.

Dodie might be looking for a fifth.

I'm looking for something more meaningful.

I don't wanna be the caboose in your fiv-ouple.

Quintuple.

Whatever, Harvard.

You gotta find me a date.

What about the throuple?

They have weird milk.

What about the podophile?

The guy who sniffs your feet?

Oh.

Yeah, he's perfect, but he hasn't gotten back to me.

My feet must'a smelled bad.

That's probably not the problem.

I want someone who takes me out

and buys me stuff

and gives me money and is super nice.

Someone with very low self-esteem who'll take you out

at least six times before asking for sex?

Yes.

Someone with infinite patience

who inexplicably likes you for you?

Yeah.

Like Benny.

Like Benny before he fell in love with me.

I think I know the answer to both our problems.

Unhappily married men.

My dad's unhappily married.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, turn,

six, seven, eight, chasse,

four, five, six, seven, eight, ha!

Okay, good.

See you Friday.

Hey, you wanna grab lunch?

Perfect. I'll just grab my coat.

Graham!

Great.

So is this like your favorite place or something?

You know he doesn't pay when he eats here, right?

What time does your shift start?

20 minutes ago.

I'm on my break.

Nah, no problem.

I'll just go to all your tables, take all their orders,

bring all their food,

and then you can bring the bill at the end

and take all the tips.

- Thank you, sweetie. - Mm.

You work here now?

I got Mickey's job after he decided to shit where he eats.

I can't really tell the difference with this food.

With her?

Then she found out he had a sugar daddy

and she was extremely judgemental.

Was she?

What about you, Colton?

Do you work?

No.

I'm just a student.

Oh, right.

You're engaged to my sugar daddy.

The one I broke up with 'cause I was in love with you.

Excuse me, I have to go work for a living

before my fag hag strangles me.

What do you need?

You love me?

What?

You love me?

What are you going on about?

You said you loved me.

No I didn't.

Yes you did.

I think I would know.

10 minutes ago at that table you said you loved me.

You just must have been hallucinating.

What?

You really don't think you said it?

Why would I say that?

I don't know.

Maybe your subconscious was doing the talking.

Oh, God.

No, no.

No, it's good.

Maybe if you don't remember saying it,

then there's a chance that you actually meant it.

Instead of bullshitting,

as usual.

Hey, um,

do you think you can cover my shift on Sunday morning?

Oh.

Sunday morning is when I'm just falling asleep

after Saturday night.

Why don't you ask Mickey?

Mickey quit.

Mickey's circumstances have changed.

He could use the money.

Well, maybe I don't wanna work with Mickey.

Which is perfect,

because if he's covering your shift, you won't be here.

Oh.

We're trimming each other's butt holes.

You want in?

No, I'm good.

Ow!

You look nice.

I'm gonna go meet Dodie.

With Liam?

Ah, just Dodie, I think.

Huh?

You stealing my throuple?

You invited me.

It's not my fault if I got the moves.

You're saying you're better at fucking than I am?

That's why you gotta practice.

Ah.

Well, your discipline is really impressive.

You want to be first string?

Yeah, you should go pro.

I'm in the Bush Leagues, baby!

You're in a bush, all right.

I'm huntin' bush meat.

You don't know what that means.

No, I don't.

Well, if Dodie wants to hang out with you, that's fine.

She's a big girl.

Look, I know this may have hurt your ego.

Well.

If you ever want to practice sex, you just let me know.

Mm.

Where's Liam tonight?

Business trip.

He says hi.

Hi.

Can I get you another drink?

I'm good.

Mickey was a little jealous I was meeting up with you.

- You told him? - Didn't know it was a secret.

It's not.

I'm just better at sex.

He knows.

Well, I do like that thing that you do.

What thing?

You know, it's like a...

That construction thing.

Jackhammer!

Oh!

Yeah, that thing.

I just wanna have a good time.

You're a real horn dog, ain't you?

Am I?

How many on your kill list?

How many people have I had sex with?

Yeah.

I'm not good at counting.

Well, it came to light that

there is something of an imbalance in my marriage.

Liam, he's had sex with 120 girls.

And I've had sex with six guys.

Seven, including you.

So you want to catch up?

No, I really don't.

But Liam, he's sorta stuck in his ways,

and he's a little controlling, you know?

Like he's been everywhere and done everything

and now he's settled down

and I'm supposed to just be settled with him.

Maybe I got married too young.

But he takes me for granted and I'm not having it.

Hmm.

So you want to use Mickey and me

to make your husband jealous?

Maybe I do.

That's really cool.

It's really killing him.

I can see it in his eyes.

He dies a little bit inside

every time he watches you make me cum.

Man, I have the best job.

Dodie?

Oh, shit.

What?

That's Liam.

So?

We only play together.

Play what?

We're cheating on him.

We are?

He's gonna be mad.

The fuck?

You fucked my wife?

You paid me to!

That was last week!

No, no!

No!

No!

Wow.

I guess Liam didn't really appreciate

you cheating on him with his wife.

I didn't know I was cheating.

What was your first clue?

His knuckles in my face.

This is the perfect opportunity for extortion.

3,000 or we go to the police and report an assault.

He punched the guy

who was banging his wife behind his back.

I feel like that's gotta be a legal loophole.

I'll tell you one thing.

What?

This is gonna be my last fourgy.

Don't you have any straight friends

you can set me up with?

All my friends are too interesting

for such a judgmental girl.

Thank you.

Stop ruining my plates.

What are you doing back here?

If you're gonna fuck me, I want a raise.

Not my restaurant.

I work there like you.

You own shares.

I heard.

And you want me to sign over my shares

so I can screw you in the pantry?

I should get something out of it.

You got my dick out of it.

I already gave you the tip.

You don't like it,

don't do it.

How's your friend?

Looks like he got hit by a truck.

Well, I took it easy on him.

Yeah.

You're not cool, buddy.

That guy banged my wife.

Without permission.

They technically cheated on me too,

and I'm not busting up people's faces over it.

Maybe I took care of 'em for both of us.

Dude, how fucking gullible are you?

What?

Look, I don't know what's going on with you and your wife,

but she's obviously using me and my friend

to make you jealous.

You gotta figure shit like that out

before you drag other people into it.

Thanks for coming out.

And,

that's for the airhead.

Night, Daddy.

# So giving me one kiss goodbye #

# Don't try to make me stay for a while #

# Giving me one kiss goodbye

# Shouldn't bye, welcome back

# Just give me one kiss goodbye #

# Ooh

# Ooh, ooh, ooh

# Give me one kiss goodbye

# Don't try to make me stay for a #