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1
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# Beautiful
2
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# Life's too short
3
00:01:08,206 --> 00:01:09,379
Those go in the back.
4
00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:12,068
I'm pausing. En route?
5
00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:14,517
- Take your time.
- Ugh.
6
00:01:15,862 --> 00:01:16,724
Elphaba.
7
00:01:17,551 --> 00:01:18,758
Cowardly lion.
8
00:01:20,034 --> 00:01:22,310
I'm
obviously Tin Man.
9
00:01:58,206 --> 00:02:00,068
You don't impress me.
10
00:02:04,586 --> 00:02:06,586
Thanks for the snack.
11
00:02:21,965 --> 00:02:24,413
Wanna help me choose
sugar daddies?
12
00:02:24,413 --> 00:02:25,482
Are you serious?
13
00:02:25,482 --> 00:02:26,310
They start to
all look the same.
14
00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:28,103
We need a rating system.
15
00:02:28,103 --> 00:02:31,827
I would usually use
soft quarter, half hard,
16
00:02:31,827 --> 00:02:33,758
but that's a foreign
language to you.
17
00:02:35,103 --> 00:02:40,137
We use dry, moist, sopping wet.
18
00:02:40,586 --> 00:02:41,827
Okay.
19
00:02:41,827 --> 00:02:43,241
What do you think of him?
20
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:46,000
Dry.
21
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,034
Picky. What about him?
22
00:02:50,896 --> 00:02:51,758
Dry.
23
00:02:51,758 --> 00:02:52,655
Girl.
24
00:02:52,655 --> 00:02:54,620
Well, is he nice?
25
00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:57,310
No, he is not nice.
None of them are nice.
26
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,310
They're weird,
self-absorbed jerks
27
00:02:59,310 --> 00:03:00,689
incapable of having
a relationship
28
00:03:00,689 --> 00:03:02,551
they don't have to pay for.
29
00:03:02,551 --> 00:03:05,241
Everything they do
is transactional.
30
00:03:05,241 --> 00:03:08,482
Life is just a shopping spree
to them, and my ass is nothing
31
00:03:08,482 --> 00:03:09,551
but a piece of butcher meat
32
00:03:09,551 --> 00:03:11,206
approaching its
best before date.
33
00:03:12,482 --> 00:03:15,827
Okay, moist then.
34
00:03:18,068 --> 00:03:19,344
Hmm. How about him?
35
00:03:21,862 --> 00:03:26,172
Oh, like a bucket of wet.
Like, like he's a super soaker.
36
00:03:27,379 --> 00:03:29,034
He even makes me a little wet.
37
00:03:30,137 --> 00:03:32,620
Oh, boy girl couple.
38
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:33,724
I'll note that for Mickey.
39
00:03:33,724 --> 00:03:35,724
- For Mickey?
- Yeah.
40
00:03:35,724 --> 00:03:38,827
If it's a proper sugar
mama, I note it for Tab,
41
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:42,068
but sugar mamas are as
rare as tits on a unicorn.
42
00:03:42,068 --> 00:03:45,379
Mickey's like
sexually ambivalent.
43
00:03:45,379 --> 00:03:46,862
Undeclared.
44
00:03:46,862 --> 00:03:48,689
I don't know why he
can't just say Bi or Omni
45
00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,517
or Pan or whatever.
46
00:03:50,517 --> 00:03:52,241
So a boy girl
couple is a good fit
47
00:03:52,241 --> 00:03:53,724
for his general ambivalence.
48
00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:58,517
The husband is so hot. Maybe
I should keep him for myself.
49
00:03:58,517 --> 00:04:00,827
- Oh my God.
- No.
50
00:04:00,827 --> 00:04:03,241
I've learned my
lesson about vaginas.
51
00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:04,896
They're like soggy bread to me.
52
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,758
Okay, can I please
get back to work?
53
00:04:06,758 --> 00:04:08,758
Thanks for letting me
use your vag-o-meter.
54
00:04:08,758 --> 00:04:10,241
You're disgusting.
55
00:04:10,241 --> 00:04:12,379
- Hugs.
- Oh my God.
56
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:17,551
Mickey, I made
you a date tonight.
57
00:04:17,551 --> 00:04:18,586
Dinner for three.
58
00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:25,689
Yes, I'm a very lucky man.
59
00:04:25,689 --> 00:04:27,103
I'm the lucky one, really.
60
00:04:28,413 --> 00:04:31,068
Yeah. There's not a lot
of couples on the app.
61
00:04:31,068 --> 00:04:32,689
It's actually where we met.
62
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,551
Oh.
63
00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:36,275
We had a happy ending.
64
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:39,241
- I married my daddy.
- Wow.
65
00:04:39,241 --> 00:04:43,034
So you married your sugar daddy
66
00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:45,965
and now you want a sugar baby.
67
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:50,241
It's the new American
dream, I guess.
68
00:04:50,241 --> 00:04:51,965
Well, you see Mickey,
69
00:04:51,965 --> 00:04:54,724
when you get your happy
ending, you turn the page,
70
00:04:54,724 --> 00:04:57,862
and there's a whole new chapter.
71
00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,413
A boring chapter.
72
00:04:59,413 --> 00:05:01,620
A real life chapter.
73
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:04,000
Yeah, I get it.
74
00:05:04,827 --> 00:05:05,827
It's only fair.
75
00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:07,965
Liam got to play around
76
00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:09,689
for 30 years before
he married me.
77
00:05:10,862 --> 00:05:13,931
So I'm dating you.
78
00:05:13,931 --> 00:05:15,758
- Dodie.
- Dodie.
79
00:05:15,758 --> 00:05:17,931
We only play all together.
80
00:05:18,931 --> 00:05:19,931
Cool. Cool.
81
00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:25,827
So how does it sound?
82
00:05:28,034 --> 00:05:30,620
I mean, you guys seem
like you know what you want.
83
00:05:31,448 --> 00:05:33,379
I'm game. Honestly.
84
00:05:35,965 --> 00:05:37,931
Real life.
85
00:05:37,931 --> 00:05:41,689
It isn't for everybody.
86
00:07:38,931 --> 00:07:40,103
Now you two.
87
00:07:42,551 --> 00:07:43,551
Come on.
88
00:07:43,551 --> 00:07:45,068
That's not our deal.
89
00:07:46,827 --> 00:07:47,758
Here.
90
00:07:49,275 --> 00:07:50,206
Look.
91
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:52,241
Barely any stubble.
92
00:07:53,344 --> 00:07:55,379
You might not even
know the difference.
93
00:08:25,344 --> 00:08:27,068
Dr. Love.
94
00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:29,137
Oh, you can call me Tab.
95
00:08:29,137 --> 00:08:30,827
I'm, I'm not really a doctor.
96
00:08:30,827 --> 00:08:34,344
- Well, I am really Jacob.
- Right on.
97
00:08:41,034 --> 00:08:41,965
Have a seat.
98
00:08:45,551 --> 00:08:47,137
Drink?
99
00:08:47,137 --> 00:08:48,000
Soda.
100
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,137
Take your shoes off.
101
00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:57,000
Sure.
102
00:09:03,379 --> 00:09:04,724
Put your feet up. Relax.
103
00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:14,724
Vodka soda.
104
00:09:18,896 --> 00:09:22,034
Would you mind taking
your socks off?
105
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,689
Are they dirty? Sorry.
106
00:09:26,103 --> 00:09:27,931
I normally try to put them
in my roommate's laundry bag,
107
00:09:27,931 --> 00:09:30,068
but they've been kind
of unreliable lately.
108
00:09:31,551 --> 00:09:34,103
Well, that's nice
of them though.
109
00:09:34,103 --> 00:09:35,172
No, they don't know.
110
00:09:38,862 --> 00:09:43,793
You have really nice feet.
111
00:09:46,241 --> 00:09:47,034
Thanks.
112
00:09:49,413 --> 00:09:50,620
How many toes?
113
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,379
10.
114
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,172
You mind if I
take a closer look?
115
00:10:01,551 --> 00:10:02,517
At my toes?
116
00:10:05,413 --> 00:10:06,344
Okay.
117
00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:31,379
You got a piece of lint.
118
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,172
Mind if I watch TV?
119
00:11:03,172 --> 00:11:04,103
Go ahead.
120
00:11:36,793 --> 00:11:38,344
What are you doing here?
121
00:11:38,344 --> 00:11:41,517
I thought I tried throwing
myself at you, see if we stick.
122
00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:43,310
You're not exactly
the sticky type.
123
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:45,827
I've been living
like a nun for months.
124
00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:48,655
I've experienced the miracle
of my mangina sealing over
125
00:11:48,655 --> 00:11:50,689
and making me a virgin again.
126
00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:52,689
- Sounds painful.
- Very.
127
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,758
But I'm about to reenter
the land of the living.
128
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,310
Put myself out there
129
00:11:58,310 --> 00:12:00,034
and I just thought maybe
it would be better to get
130
00:12:00,034 --> 00:12:04,000
with someone who makes me wet.
131
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,551
I think you're
taking the vagina
132
00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,034
metaphor a little too far.
133
00:12:07,034 --> 00:12:08,862
I don't think I
can pull out now.
134
00:12:10,068 --> 00:12:12,000
You tick all my boxes.
135
00:12:13,931 --> 00:12:16,551
So before I sell my ass
to the highest bidder,
136
00:12:17,827 --> 00:12:19,758
I want to give
true love a chance.
137
00:12:21,103 --> 00:12:23,172
You know, love is
a seller's market.
138
00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:25,931
And I'm not buying.
139
00:13:08,724 --> 00:13:09,586
Sorry!
140
00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:19,551
That was good.
141
00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:22,758
Fuck.
142
00:13:25,448 --> 00:13:27,551
I don't know why I
thought two would be enough.
143
00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:43,310
That was a long date.
144
00:13:44,586 --> 00:13:46,827
Yeah, I was drunk so
I just crashed there.
145
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,482
You should charge
more for an overnight.
146
00:13:49,482 --> 00:13:51,482
I'm not an escort.
147
00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:54,482
Oh, so you're genuinely
interested in being part
148
00:13:54,482 --> 00:13:56,103
of an intergenerational
throuple?
149
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,172
What about you?
How's your date?
150
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:01,724
He just smelled my feet.
151
00:14:01,724 --> 00:14:02,655
That's it?
152
00:14:04,206 --> 00:14:05,586
Yeah.
153
00:14:05,586 --> 00:14:06,965
You gonna see him again?
154
00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:10,724
We'll see if he calls.
155
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:12,206
I mean, if he doesn't,
send him my way.
156
00:14:12,206 --> 00:14:14,379
I got pretty big feet.
157
00:14:14,379 --> 00:14:15,724
You're not interested
in being third wheel
158
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,241
on a sex tricycle?
159
00:14:17,241 --> 00:14:18,827
Oh no. I definitely am.
160
00:14:18,827 --> 00:14:20,689
Dodie is like, insatiable,
161
00:14:20,689 --> 00:14:25,517
but I gotta get a little extra
so I can pay Costas back.
162
00:14:25,517 --> 00:14:27,172
Don't pay Costas back.
163
00:14:27,172 --> 00:14:30,206
Just block him and
never see him again.
164
00:14:30,206 --> 00:14:31,551
And maybe change your name.
165
00:14:31,551 --> 00:14:35,965
- Yeah. I'm not you.
- I know. It's so sad.
166
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,724
All right, I'm
gonna take a nap.
167
00:14:38,724 --> 00:14:40,724
I did not get a lot
of sleep last night.
168
00:15:36,965 --> 00:15:40,103
Do you think my
feet are too small?
169
00:16:00,310 --> 00:16:01,689
Thanks for hanging out.
170
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:05,689
I've got a lot of
places to be nowadays.
171
00:16:05,689 --> 00:16:06,620
Lost your job?
172
00:16:07,689 --> 00:16:08,655
Kind of.
173
00:16:08,655 --> 00:16:11,000
I'm in the states undocumented,
174
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,310
and not a lot of
work opportunities.
175
00:16:13,310 --> 00:16:14,620
You're not Mexican.
176
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,172
Yeah. Yeah, good guess.
177
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:23,137
So, I'm wondering if
you know another guy.
178
00:16:25,931 --> 00:16:27,413
I know several guys.
179
00:16:28,793 --> 00:16:30,172
Another guy to join in.
180
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,482
Oh, like a, like a fourth
181
00:16:35,517 --> 00:16:39,482
in our quad, truple...
182
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:44,517
For a gang bang.
183
00:16:44,517 --> 00:16:47,206
Wow. Yeah, you're
really going there.
184
00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:50,000
Yeah. I'm trying to
be a supportive husband.
185
00:16:52,206 --> 00:16:53,448
You don't know anyone?
186
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:57,689
When I told all my friends
187
00:16:57,689 --> 00:17:00,827
I was gonna marry a girl
30 years younger than me,
188
00:17:00,827 --> 00:17:03,655
they all told me I was an idiot.
189
00:17:05,379 --> 00:17:07,517
They said she wasn't
ready to settle down.
190
00:17:08,758 --> 00:17:10,172
And you don't want to
give them the satisfaction
191
00:17:10,172 --> 00:17:11,000
of being right.
192
00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:17,068
My friends are all married,
or they're divorced and toxic.
193
00:17:18,448 --> 00:17:21,724
It would just change a 30
year friendship, you know?
194
00:17:23,379 --> 00:17:24,655
Yeah, I could see that.
195
00:17:27,034 --> 00:17:29,758
I'll tell you what.
I think I know a guy.
196
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,586
I'm sure he'd love to
have sex with Dodie,
197
00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:35,724
and I don't think it would
affect our friendship too much.
198
00:17:37,172 --> 00:17:39,689
I gotta say though, this
is moving pretty fast.
199
00:17:42,275 --> 00:17:44,482
Well, I'll make
it worth your while.
200
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,827
You like, meant
with money, right?
201
00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:02,551
That's my ring.
202
00:18:06,275 --> 00:18:11,275
Hey, Eugene.
203
00:18:12,586 --> 00:18:14,551
- Colton, thanks very much.
- That's my ring.
204
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:19,172
This is my engagement ring.
You may congratulate me.
205
00:18:19,172 --> 00:18:21,827
He gave it to me
first. That's my ring.
206
00:18:21,827 --> 00:18:24,551
Well, if you wanted it, you
shouldn't have given it back.
207
00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:25,793
I didn't love him.
208
00:18:25,793 --> 00:18:27,551
Well, then your
loss is my gain.
209
00:18:27,551 --> 00:18:28,758
Do you love him?
210
00:18:30,172 --> 00:18:32,137
What could it
possibly matter to you?
211
00:19:02,655 --> 00:19:04,724
You gave him my
engagement ring.
212
00:19:04,724 --> 00:19:06,827
That ring belonged to
my great aunt Lavinia
213
00:19:06,827 --> 00:19:09,000
who died in 1898.
214
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,000
What did you think I
was gonna do? Return it?
215
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,379
Well, I didn't think
you were gonna recycle it.
216
00:19:13,379 --> 00:19:14,724
Oh, honey.
217
00:19:17,379 --> 00:19:19,310
How many people
have worn that ring?
218
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:22,551
Lavinia. My mother.
219
00:19:22,551 --> 00:19:25,034
Maybe two or three other
fiances before you.
220
00:19:25,034 --> 00:19:26,827
You gave me a used ring?
221
00:19:26,827 --> 00:19:28,172
A family heirloom.
222
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:31,172
You didn't want it.
223
00:19:31,172 --> 00:19:32,827
That doesn't mean I
want to see it on somebody
224
00:19:32,827 --> 00:19:33,965
else's finger.
225
00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:36,965
You know, he goes to my school
226
00:19:36,965 --> 00:19:38,965
and you bring him
to my restaurant?
227
00:19:38,965 --> 00:19:40,344
I didn't think you cared.
228
00:19:40,344 --> 00:19:41,724
- I don't.
- Oh, then,
229
00:19:41,724 --> 00:19:42,896
then why were you banging on
230
00:19:42,896 --> 00:19:44,517
my door in the
middle of the day?
231
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,310
Huh?
232
00:19:49,758 --> 00:19:52,310
You may have been
engaged a dozen times.
233
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:55,068
- Five.
- But I have been engaged once
234
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,551
and it doesn't matter if
it was only for 16 hours.
235
00:19:57,551 --> 00:20:00,482
- 14.
- It meant something to me.
236
00:20:03,310 --> 00:20:06,689
Look, I'm really sorry
237
00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:09,551
that I didn't take your
feelings into account, Buddy.
238
00:20:09,551 --> 00:20:11,793
But I can't very well
take the ring back
239
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,172
from Colton, now can I.
240
00:20:15,586 --> 00:20:20,620
Well your next fiance,
give him something else.
241
00:20:21,172 --> 00:20:21,862
Not my ring.
242
00:20:24,793 --> 00:20:25,655
Deal.
243
00:20:27,448 --> 00:20:28,448
Okay, good.
244
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,482
How long have you
guys been married?
245
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,862
Year and a half.
246
00:20:33,862 --> 00:20:35,965
And we were together
three years before that.
247
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:41,310
How about you two?
248
00:20:42,586 --> 00:20:45,379
- Also a year and a half.
- As roommates.
249
00:20:45,379 --> 00:20:46,448
We're not married.
250
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:48,724
You two kiss.
251
00:20:50,344 --> 00:20:53,275
We don't really have
that type of relationship.
252
00:20:54,689 --> 00:20:56,344
- Come on.
- You come on.
253
00:20:57,482 --> 00:20:59,275
It's not gay if
a girl's watching.
254
00:21:00,137 --> 00:21:01,206
You kissed Liam.
255
00:21:01,206 --> 00:21:03,103
Yeah, I'm attracted to Liam.
256
00:21:05,413 --> 00:21:06,344
Ugh!
257
00:21:07,482 --> 00:21:09,275
I clean your piss
off the bathroom floor.
258
00:21:09,275 --> 00:21:10,724
Okay. It's not sexy.
259
00:21:10,724 --> 00:21:12,310
How do you know
it's not Bud's?
260
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:13,724
Bud sits when he pees.
261
00:21:16,586 --> 00:21:19,689
You're probably not
as good as Bud, anyways.
262
00:21:19,689 --> 00:21:21,758
- You kissed Bud?
- Jealous?
263
00:21:21,758 --> 00:21:23,034
No, I'm not jealous.
264
00:21:23,034 --> 00:21:25,310
I'm just wondering
when you kissed Bud.
265
00:21:25,310 --> 00:21:26,758
Okay, Dodie,
266
00:21:29,379 --> 00:21:31,413
stop torturing your fuck boys.
267
00:21:31,413 --> 00:21:32,344
Troublemaker.
268
00:21:37,206 --> 00:21:39,034
We're all here for you.
269
00:21:42,586 --> 00:21:45,620
Now, unwrap your presents.
270
00:21:46,551 --> 00:21:47,344
Shirts.
271
00:22:11,034 --> 00:22:14,413
Well, I don't know why I
thought three would be enough.
272
00:22:21,034 --> 00:22:25,103
# So give me one kiss goodbye
273
00:22:25,103 --> 00:22:29,758
# Don't try to make
me stay for a while #
274
00:22:29,758 --> 00:22:33,724
# Give me one kiss goodbye
275
00:22:33,724 --> 00:22:37,275
# Shouldn't lie,
won't come back #
276
00:22:37,275 --> 00:22:41,275
# Just give me
one kiss goodbye #
17492
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