All language subtitles for Mr..Blandings.Builds.His.Dream.House.1948.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX].ENG

Narrator: Manhattan,

New York,

usa.

In any discussion
of contemporary America

and how its people live,
we must inevitably start

with Manhattan,
New York City, usa.

Manhattan,
glistening modern giant

of concrete and steel,

reaching to the heavens
and cradling in its arms

seven millions.

Seven millions.

Happy beneficiaries
of the advantages and comforts

this great Metropolis
has to offer.

Its fine, wide boulevards
facilitate

the new yorker's carefree,
orderly existence.

A transportation system
second to none

in passenger comfort.

Quaint little sidewalk cafes

make for leisurely,
gracious living.

For its nature lovers,

the peace and privacy
of a day in the sun.

The city offers
delightful changes in climate.

I suppose you're wondering
what all this has to do

with Mr. blandings
and his dream house.

Well, I'll tell you.

Jim blandings is part
of the fabric of this town.

Born and raised right here,
he's as typical a new yorker

as anyone you'll ever meet.

At least he was.

If you wanna know the real
story, I guess I'm your boy.

My name's Cole. Bill Cole.

I'm Jim's lawyer
and "best friend.”

Jim's one of those bright,
young fellas

you see around town.

College graduate,
advertising business,

lovely wife, two fine kids,

makes about 15,000 a year.

Jim and Muriel blandings
are just like

thousands of other new yorkers,

modern cliff dwellers.

The morning it all started
was just another of those

crisp September mornings

and the blandings
were still asleep.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh.

Betsy?

Betsy: Okay, dad.

- Joan.
- Okay, dad.

No. Good morning, Theodore.

- Good morning, Mr. blandings.
- Good morning, gussie.

- Hmm. Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Mmm.

Thank you.

Looking for something?

Why don't you look
in your sock drawer?

That's where I found
my underwear.

Oh.

Well, try your underwear drawer.

I am in my underwear drawer.

Well, they must be somewhere.

Socks don't just get up
and walk away by themselves.

Muriel, I thought we had it
clearly understood

that these two... two and a half
top drawers were mine.

I thought... why...

Oh.

The closet.
That's where they are.

We put them in the closet.
= put what in the closet?

Your socks.

There didn't seem to be
enough room in the drawers.

Oh, and there's so much of it
in the closet.

So gussie and I decided
that from now on,

we'd keep them
in a basket on the shelf.

Hmm. Basket.

Oh.

This? This.

Jim dear, I do wish you'd try
to make a little effort.

I'll try, dear.

Oh.

This is...

Father, just one morning,
I wish you'd knock.

I beg your pardon.

J home home on the range j

j where the deer
and the antelope play j

j where seldom is heard j

j a discouraging word jj

j home home on the range j

j where the deer
and the antelope play j

Muriel: Washcloth, dear.
- Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

J where seldom is heard
a discouraging word j

j and the skies
are not cloudy all day j

Muriel: Towel, dear.

If you don't mind, dear.
= one moment.

Ah.

Take your time.
I can spare the blood.

Did you cut yourself?

I cut myself every morning.
I kind of look forward to it.

Why don't you use
an electric razor?

Can't get used to them.

Oh, that's silly.

Bill Cole's been using one
for years.

- He hasn't got my beard.
- Ah.

Bill's beard
is just as coarse and tough...

I am not interested
in discussing

the grain and texture
of bill Cole's hair follicles

before I've had my breakfast.

All I said was why don't you use
an electric razor?

Because I prefer the clean sweep

of the tempered steel
as it glides smoothly...

- No advertising copy, please.
- Hmm.

And hurry up.
You'll be late for breakfast.

Sure.

Hmm.

Who did it?

Yes? = I did it.

Haven't I repeatedly told you
not to cut up the morning paper

until I've had a chance
to look at it?

I'm sorry, father.
It's necessary research.

What's that?
Another of miss stellwagon's

so-called progressive projects?

Coming through, Theodore.

Say, does Theodore have to have
breakfast with us?

Can't you take him
in the living room?

Dear, there just isn't any point

in sending your children
to an expensive school

if you're going to undermine
the teacher's authority

in your own dining room?

I'm not undermining anything.

I'm in the advertising business

and keeping abreast of the times
is important to me.

So is your children's education.

- But that's not the point.
- It certainly is.

- Not.
- Bicker, bicker, bicker.

You drink your milk.

Muriel: Joan, every time
your father and I

have a lively discussion,
we aren't necessarily bickering.

What is it, Betsy?
Another english composition?

Miss stellwagon
has assigned each of us

to take a classified ad

and write a human-interest theme
about it.

I found one
typical of the disintegration

of our present society.

I wasn't aware of the fact
our society was disintegrating.

I didn't expect you to be,
father.

Miss stellwagon says that
middle-class people like us

are all too prone to overlook...

Muriel, I know
this is asking a lot,

but just one morning,
I would like to sit down

and have breakfast
without social significance.

Jim, you really must take
more interest

in your children's education.

You can't squeeze blood
from a turnip.

Alright. I listen.

- Shoot.
- It's just 16 words.

I'm gonna call it
a minor tragedy of our times.

Well?

"Forced to sell. Farm dwelling.

Original beams. Barn.

Apple orchard. Trout stream.

Seclusion.

Superb view.

Will sacrifice.”

Go on. = that's all.

That's all?

You don't see it,
do you, father?

No. A fellow wants to sell
his house,

so he puts an ad in the paper.

What did you expect him to do?

Take it to the united nations?

There must be more to it
than that, isn't there, dear?

Certainly, mother.

What some people don't see
is the whole sordid picture.

A poor, honest farmer
pushed to the wall by hardship.

Until finally, in desperation,
he's forced to sell

and stoops
to the crass commercialism

of newspaper advertising.

Oh, indeed.

Newspaper advertising?
Crass commercialism?

Miss stellwagon says advertising

is a basically
parasitic profession.

You don't say.

Miss stellwagon says
advertising makes people

who can't afford it
buy things they don't want

with money they haven't got.

Oh, she does, does she?

Well, perhaps
your miss stellwagon is right.

Perhaps I should quit this
basically parasitic profession,

which at the very moment is
paying for your fancy tuition.

And those extra French lessons.

And that progressive
summer camp.

To say nothing of the very
braces on your back teeth.

Jim, I wish you wouldn't discuss
money in front of the children.

Why not?
They spend enough of it.

Bicker, bicker, bicker.
= uh-huh.

Girls, get your things
and run along.

You'll be late for school.

Bye, daddy.

Give my regards
to miss stellwagon.

I'll get it.

Oh, hello.
We haven't seen you in ages.

Hello, Betsy. Is your mother up?

- She's in there.
- Joan, come on!

- Wait.
- Bye.

- Morning, Muriel.
- Good morning, bill.

- Hi, Jim.
- Hello, bill.

Thought you were going out

to Lillie and Paul's
for the weekend?

I am. They'll pick me up
in a few minutes.

But I thought
better return these

in case you wanna go through
with that funkhauser deal.

Oh.

- Thanks.
- Cup of coffee, bill?

- Yeah, thanks. I will.
- Gussie.

Personally, I think
he's 2, $3000 out of line.

Yes, ll... I suppose so.

Of course,
you could save that amount

by not tearing out
the living room wall.

Well, it's sort of impractical,
anyway.

- Thanks.
- I... 1 guess so.

Hmm? What wall?
Who are you talking about?

- Who's funkhauser?
- Thanks, buddy.

- Uh, bunny funkhauser.
- Who?

You remember bunny funkhauser,
dear.

That... that clever,
young interior decorator

we met
at the Collins' cocktail party?

You mean that young man
with the open-toed sandals?

What about him?

Well, uh...

You know how long we've said
we've got to do something

about fixing up this apartment.

Well, a couple of weeks ago,
he called

and, uh, I asked him
to come over

and he had
some simply wonderful ideas.

And...

I didn't wanna bother you
with sketches and estimates

until I knew
whether we could afford it.

So I sent them over to bill.

Mm-hmm.

How much?

What's the point
in asking how much

until you know
what you're going to get?

I've seen bunny funkhauser.

I know what I'm going to get.

Well, personally,
I think he's got

some fairly
interesting sketches.

He's terribly clever. Look.

Here's how he sees
our living room.

Isn't it charming?

What's that? A shoeshine stand?

It's a cobbler's bench, dear.

The room's colonial.

Breakfront. Hooked rug.

Student lamp. Pie cooler.

And over here
is a Martha Washington desk.

Hmm. And where do I keep
my powdered wig?

I think it's perfect. It's us.

Bunny says we're very American.

Very grassroots.
Very blueberry pie.

Well, don't look at me.
Bunny said it.

Now here in the hall...

How much is all this
going to cost?

Well... well, the figure isn't
accurate because it includes...

How much?

Well, $7000, Jim, but...

Seven thousand dollars?

Well, that includes
tearing out a wall.

- And I quite agree with bill...
- Oh, you do?

You're some lawyer.

A defenseless woman
without the slightest conception

of the value of a dollar
comes to you for advice

and the next minute, you've
got her tearing out walls.

I am on record as being opposed

to tearing out walls,
and so is the woman.

If you'd only listen...
= seven thousand dollars?

I wouldn't put seven cents
into this broken-down rattrap.

Jim, how can you talk that way?
This is our home.

Betsy was practically born
in this apartment.

That does not make it
a national shrine.

Now wait a minute. When I came
in here this morning,

I had no intention
of sending you to the Reno.

I thought
I was doing you a favor.

And he was. He was showing you
how you could save $3000

by simply
not tearing out a wall.

I can save $7000
by not doing anything at all.

Yeah. You can save another 3500

by not buying her
that mink coat.

And if you don't take that
cruise to the west indies...

- Alright, bill, alright.
- Ah.

Not a bad day.

You've already saved $15,000
and it's not even 9 o'clock.

- Hmm.
- See you next week.

Bye, Jim. Bye, dear.

Have a nice weekend.

- Wait, I'll go down with you.
- Alright.

Seven thousand dollars.

Blueberry pie.

- Good morning, Mary.
- Morning.

What's that?

It seems we're in the midst
of a situation.

Hmm? = "w-h-a-m. Wham.

A whale of a ham."

What's it doing here?
That's Johnson's headache.

Not anymore. Mr. Johnson
is no longer with us.

Mr. Johnson lost the touch.

And guess
whose headache it is now.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.

Oh, no.

On your desk, you will find

a directive
from the high command.

What a morning.
Bunny funkhauser,

blueberry pie and wham.

- How's that?
- Hmm? Oh, nothing, Mary.

Just a private joke between me

and whoever's
going to be my analyst.

They sent down
some of Mr. Johnson's handiwork

before he was drummed
from the corps.

“July.

When you've got the whim,
say wham."

Hmm.

"August, house and stream.

For a grand slam in ham,
try wham."

Balance of last year's campaign.

September's the little gem
that cost him his job.

Jim: Just a minute.

Mary, would you spend $ 7000

to tear out someone else's walls

when for a few thousand more,

you could find a nice old place
in Connecticut,

fix it up
and have the kind of dream house

you've always wanted?

I beg your pardon?

Bill: Well, that's the way
it all started.

The ad was enough
fo convince Jim.

But Muriel was little tougher.

I guess the corsage did it.

There they are.

Two little fish from New York

out in the deep, deep waters
of Connecticut real estate.

That's Smith,
the real estate salesman.

Mighty shrewd cookie
in a quiet sort of way.

Yes, sir, he knows a sucker.

I mean, customer
when he sees one.

He sees one.

Well, Smith, looks like
you're finally gonna unload

the old hackett place.

The old, very old hackett place.

Smith: Well, folks,
there she is.

It's charming.

Uh, that is, for an old house.

Of course, you understand,
Mr. Smith,

we're just window shopping
so to speak. Nothing definite.

Oh, perfectly alright.

Jim: Not a bad-looking house.

But it's a lot older
than anything we had in mind.

Well, she's no spring chicken.

But that's just
what makes her such a buy.

Yep. A man's got just about
everything he'd need here.

Nice big hay barn.

Couple of fruit orchards
just over the hill.

Virgin stand oak grove

other side
of the trout stream there.

A trout stream
will give you your own

pure, clear,
cold mountain water.

Paved highway
right to your door.

Grocer from town
delivers twice a week.

Easy commuting distance, yeah.

58 minutes from New York City.

Brand-new high school
right down the road.

Yes, sir,
50 mighty pretty little acres.

Ah, fine old house too.

Four family bedrooms,
plenty of closet space.

However, it's not just
all these, you know.

You're buying
a piece of American history.

You don't say. How's that?

Why, first year she was built,

general gates stopped right here
to water his horses.

Ah.

Old general gates, huh?
Civil war.

Huh? Revolutionary war.

Oh, that general gates.

But I'm not trying to sell you
anything, understand.

All I'm saying is that
one of these days,

someone with a little
imagination's gonna come along

and just steal this place.

- And I mean, steal it.
- Hmm.

Smith: Guess I don't have
to tell you, Mrs. blandings,

what a woman's touch could do
to a place like this.

Yes, sir.

You've certainly
got to visualize.

Couple coats of paint,

a little pointing up
here and there.

Shall we, uh, go up
and take a look at her?

Oh.

Well, I suppose
as long as we're here.

Oh, I guess it doesn't hurt
to take a look.

I'll just see if the keys are
up there where I left them.

It does have possibilities.
You think we can get it?

Like taking candy from a baby.

Now don't lose your head.

Now you just keep quiet, dear,

and let me handle this.

Uh, tell me, Smith,
what kind of price

is the owner asking
for this old place?

Mm-hmm.

Jim: What do you think, bill?
Steal, huh?

Hmm, steal's an understatement.

Swindle might be
a little more appropriate.

Oh, well...

What do you mean?

Every time you get tight,
you weep on my shoulder

about the advertising business.

How it forces a sensitive soul
like yourself to make a living

by bamboozling
the American public.

Well, I would say that
a small part

of that victimized group has now
redressed the balance.

- What are you talking about?
- You.

You've been taken
to the cleaners

and you don't even know
your pants are off.

Darling, I told you.
I said we ought to call bill.

Now, Muriel. Alright, just
what's wrong with this deal?

First time around,
you were offered

$10,000 for 50 acres, right?

- What of it?
- That's $200 an acre.

I know that part of Connecticut.

One hundred dollars an acre
is standard top-gouge price

to city slickers.

When the natives
sell to each other,

it's around 40 or less.

Forty?

The man's entitled
to a fair profit.

Not 284%.

Besides,
you're not getting 50 acres.

You're only getting 35
more or less.

Where does it say that?

I refer
to a rather obscure postscript

on the back of the second letter
from friend Smith.

"Incidentally,
Mr. hackett has been

a little optimistic
about the acreage.

It will probably survey
somewhere

in the neighborhood of 35 acres
more or less.”

Alright, so it's 35.
What's the difference?

Do you know how many tennis
courts you can get on 35 acres?

You're not spending $11,500
for tennis courts.

- That's not the point.
- That's precisely the point.

We're gonna write this fellow
hackett a strong letter.

Tell him he can either kick in
with those 15 acres,

reduce the price,
or find another sucker.

We'll do no such thing.

I'm not gonna queer this deal
over 15 broken-down acres.

You just don't
understand business.

You mean extortion.
= now wait a minute.

Now put that thing down.

Look, you can't measure
everything on a slide rule.

This house
has certain intangibles.

Like what, for instance?

Like antique value,
for instance.

It just so happens
that general, uh, gates

stopped right there,
that very house

to water his horses.

I don't care if general Grant

dropped in
for a scotch and soda.

You're still getting rooked.

That was a different war.

I think bill's absolutely right.

Now let me explain something
to both of you.

For 15 years,
I've been cooped up

in a four-room cracker box.

Just getting shaved
in the morning

entitles a man
to the purple heart.

That still doesn't make this
a good buy.

Bill, Muriel and I have found

what I'm not ashamed to call
our dream house.

It's like a fine painting.

You buy it with your heart,
not your head.

You don't ask,
"how much was the paint?

How much was the canvas?"

You look at it and you say,
"it's beautiful. I want it."

And if it costs a few more
pennies, you pay it and gladly.

Because you love it.

And you can't measure the things
you love in dollars and cents.

Oh, well, anyway, that's the way
I feel about it.

And when I sigh those papers
on Saturday,

I can look the world in the face
and say, "it's mine.

My house. My home.

My 35 acres.”

Our house. Our home.

Our 35 acres.

So Jim cashed in
his government bonds.

Gave old man hackeft
a $6000 mortgage

and bought the place.

Then they drove me out
fo see jt.

Muriel: This certainly isn't
the way we came with Mr. Smith.

What in the world
are shrunk mills?

Probably mills that have shrunk.

Seems to me we go left.

Over the bridge and turn right.

Left.

Congress ought to pass a law.

When a man buys a house
in lansdale county,

there's a prize.

He gets 10% off
if he can find it.

Hmm.

Over the bridge and turn right.

Left.

You know,
if you really wanna find

that house of yours,
it's no problem.

Just pretend that you're
one of general gates' horses

and you're very thirsty.

Where would you go
for a drink of water?

Hmm.

Well, I must admit,
it's a very beautiful thing.

The house and the lilac bush
at the corner

are just the same age, bill.

If a lilac can live
and be so old, so can the house.

It just needs someone
to love it, that's all.

It's a good thing
there are two of you.

One to love it
and one to hold it up.

What did your engineer say
when he checked

the foundation and that roof?

Now who needs engineers?
This isn't a train, you know.

I just saw it move.

This house has been standing

since the second year
of the continental congress.

You take one look at it
and shingles start to fall off.

Look, let me do you a favor.
I've got a client,

crackerjack structural engineer,
Joe apollonio.

Practically built the George
Washington bridge singlehanded.

Well, thanks a lot,
but we're not building a bridge.

He's the fellow
who advised the government

not to raise the normandy.

They didn't listen to him,

it cost them
five million dollars.

You have my word.

If I were raising the normandy,

I wouldn't make a move
without apollonio.

Now would you like to come in
and look around?

No, thanks.

Jim: Muriel!

Muriel!

I think you'd better
get in touch

with Mr. apollonio.

The house has charm,
hasn't it, Mr. apollonio?

Of course, uh, any small changes
would have to conform

to the character
of the countryside.

- And still be functional.
- Hmm.

Uh...

Uh, what is your
professional opinion?

- Tear it down.
- Tear it down?

If your sills were shot
and your timbers was okay,

I'd say go ahead, fix her up.

If your timbers were shot
and your sills was okay,

again I'd say go ahead
and fix her up.

But your sills are shot
and your timbers are shot.

I'll show you.

Take a look at the way
what she leans.

Hmm? = here.

Oh.

Look, it has to be level. = oh.

So I say don't throw
good money after bad.

- Tear it down. Good day.
- Hmm.

Jim: Thanks a lot.
- That's okay.

And I send my bill
to your office.

Bill Cole and his experts.

Never mind, darling.

- We'll get our own experts.
- Hmm.

And so they got
their own experts.

Mr. Simpson said...
= tear it down.

On the other hand,
Mr. Murphy said...

Tear it down.

And that's how our friend
Mr. Simms came into it.

He said, of course,
it was possible

to fix up the old place,

but why not build a new house,

same size?

Certainly wouldn't cost
any more.

Why not look at a floor plan?

Here we are.
Something like this.

First floor, living room,
dining room, study,

kitchen, breakfast room,
service porch, maid rooms.

Upstairs, three family bedrooms
with two adjoining baths.

Hmm.

Well, it's, uh, very nice.

But don't you think
it's a little conventional?

Mmm. Yes, Mr. Simms, of course,

if, uh, if we were
going to build a house,

we'd want it, uh,

well, you know,
just a little bit different.

Oh, yes, yes. Of course, this is
just a point of departure.

You don't have to adhere
to any of this.

Mm-hmm.

Well, uh, I don't think

we're at all ready
to commit ourselves.

- Oh, no.
- Of course not, I understand.

Well, now if, uh, if this were
my house, I'd, uh...

Well, I mean, uh...

Now, here, for instance...

Jim: Now, in the study,
if we could just push out

this wall a little
and put in a built-in bar...

Jim: Excuse me, dear.
Muriel: Huh?

Muriel: These bedrooms
are too small.

And we'll have to have
a little dressing room.

Yes, a... and closets, Mr. Simms.
Plenty of closets.

If there's one thing
this family needs, it's closets.

Yes, if I might make
a suggestion...

And bathrooms, Mr. Simms.

Uh, each bedroom must have
at least one bathroom.

Uh, but that would be
four bathrooms, Mrs. blandings.

- I think I better point out...
- I was wondering.

Look, do you think we could
manage a little playroom

in the basement?
You know, nothing tremendous.

Well, well, of course,
it's always possible.

But at the moment,
our fundamental problem...

And I've always wanted
a little sewing room.

A little utility room upstairs

where I could be alone and sew

or sulk on a rainy afternoon.

Jim: Yeah, uh, pardon me, dear.
Now, Mr. Simms,

about that playroom,
not too small.

You know, plenty of room
for... for, uh, dodge,

ping pong, hice big poker table.

Yes. If, uh,
if you don't mind...

- And off the kitchen...
- And I think, now here...

- A stone floor and shelves...
- An awning and fireplace...

- Sort of a barbecue thing...
- A closet for gardening...

What do they call? Roasting pit.
Uh, rotisserie thing.

- Oh.
- For Sunday afternoons.

Well, let's see
what we have here.

In the first place,
I'm afraid...

In the first place, I'm afraid
you've got the upstairs

about twice as big
as the downstairs.

It's all those bathrooms.
= [t's all those closets.

By extending
that breakfast room,

you've eliminated
the possibility of any stairs

going up to the second floor.

Oh, I've allowed for that.

You can put them in
behind the pantry.

Mrs. blandings,
on that sewing room,

the way you have it there,
the chimney stack would come

right up
through the middle of the room,

leaving you with something
in the shape of a square donut.

Which, of course, might be
very warm in winter,

but otherwise
of doubtful utility.

Can't you put the chimney
somewhere else?

Look, I think I know just about
what you two have in mind.

Suppose I go ahead
with some preliminary plans

and then we can get together
in about a week's time.

Alright, you do that. = fine.

Holy smoke.

Oh, I'm afraid
we didn't realize.

Well, Mr. Simms,
now don't you forget.

We've got to hold it down
under 10,000.

That, I can tell you right now,
is impossible.

Even with considerable trimming
of the things

that you've indicated,
I don't see how we can

bring it in for less than
12 or 12,500.

Twelve thousand five hundred?

Oh, well, I guess
we're not gonna quibble

about a few pennies
one way or the other.

Oh, uh, by the way,
uh, have you any notions

as to how you'd like
the old place taken down?

Why don't we just blow on it?

Well, so far,
it's cost us $13,329.45.

But we have
the nicest vacant lot

in the state of Connecticut.

Well, something
will have to be cut.

These plans
are just too elaborate

for the money you have to spend.

Jim: Alright.
I'll make the sacrifice.

Jim: You can cut it out.
- Now we're getting somewhere.

What's happening?

Dad just lost his playroom.

Muriel, as the house stands now,
it's over $15,000.

Mother, may we, please,
put Theodore to bed?

Yes.
It just doesn't seem possible

for a house
with such small rooms.

Mrs. blandings,
I've already explained.

It's not so much the size of the
rooms as it is the number.

Now, is it absolutely essential

for each of your daughters
to have her own room

with two closets
and a private bath?

Yes.

You see, my, uh, daughters

are approaching womanhood
and, uh...

I didn't realize they were
approaching it quite so fast.

Perhaps what you need
is not so much a house

as a series of little bungalows,

each with two closets
and a private bath.

Um, well, um, well, what about
that silly flower sink?

- We could lose that.
- I beg your pardon.

Jim: Or that sewing room.
That's certainly a waste.

May I suggest
that neither of these

are really major eliminations?

Now if you could do
with one less bathroom...

I'm sorry, we couldn't possibly.

A simple bathroom, 8 by 10 by 8

with grade-a fixtures
would cost around $1300.

I refuse to endanger
the health of my children

in a house
with less than four bathrooms.

For $1300,
they can live in a house

with three bathrooms
and rough it.

- Why, bill.
- Hello, Muriel.

Well, you've done it again.

Once, just once, why don't you
come to me and find out

it's alright, if it's legal,
before you go barging off

and run yourself
smack into another jam?

What's eating you?

I must say, Simms,

I hold you equally responsible.

What? What happened?
= I'm afraid I don't understand.

Did you let this idiot
tear down that house?

What if he did? What of it?

Reconstruction was unsound

and totally impractical.

I quite agree,

but you're dealing with a man

who doesn't think
before he acts,

who goes off half-cocked.

What is it? What did I do?

You're an architect.
You must have been aware

of the legality involved.

You knew there was a mortgage
on that house.

- I assumed as much.
- What happened?

- What are you talking about?
- What did you do?

I don't know.
They won't tell me.

Simms: Certainly,
but since you were his lawyer,

I naturally assumed...

With a guy like this,

you don't assume anything.

Now just a minute.

I'm entitled to know what I did.

This is America. A man is guilty

until he's proven innocent.

It's the other way around,
father.

You go to bed. = girls.

Bill, would you mind telling me
in clear, concise english

just what crime I've committed
and why?

In clear, concise english,
you tore down a house

on which another man
holds a mortgage

without first getting
his written permission.

Well, I... 1 did?

And in such case, the mortgagee

can demand full payment
of said mortgage.

Mr. ephemus hackett so demands.

Six thousand clams.

And he wants them now.

- Now?
- You've got ten days.

Miss stellwagon says
the problems of the parents

should be the problems
of the children.

Well, you keep that in mind,
dear.

It will help prepare you
for motherhood.

Perhaps we'd better let
the plans go for the time being.

No, Simms, I'll work this out.
You go ahead

with your final plans
and let's see some estimates.

Very well. You'll hear from me
as soon as possible.

Goodnight. Goodnight, Mr. Cole.

Goodnight.

Six thousand dollars.

- Goodnight, Mr. Simms.
- Goodnight, Mrs. blandings.

What are you gonna do
about the collateral

on your building loan?

I don't know. Turn in my
insurance policies or something.

- Jim, you can't do that.
- Why not?

Why, if anything should happen,

the children
would be left unprotected.

- I'm not dead yet.
- Well, of course, you're not.

I'll see the boys at the bank.

Maybe you can put up
your insurance as collateral.

If necessary...

I'll sign a personal note.

Thanks, bill.

Well, I gotta run along. = oh.

Jim, do me a little favor,
will you?

The next time you're gonna
do anything or say anything

or buy anything,
think it over very carefully.

When you're sure you're right,
forget the whole thing.

- Goodnight, Muriel.
- Goodnight, bill.

Hmm.

What a wonderful friend.

Hmm.

What's with all this kissing
all of a sudden?

What's that?

Well, just because a man
is helpful in a business way,

it doesn't give him
extracurricular privileges

with my wife.

Well, that's a fine thing to say

about a friend of 15 years.

Well, I just don't like it.

Every time he goes out
of this house,

he shakes my hand
and he kisses you.

Would you prefer it
the other way around?

Well, why is he
always hanging around?

Why doesn't he ever get married
or something?

Because he can't find
another girl as pretty and sweet

and wholesome as I am.

Oh.

Darling, let's not be silly
about this.

It isn't bill.

It's the house
that's upsetting you.

I suppose so.

Do you think
it's worth all this?

Of course, it is.

It isn't a house we're building.

It's a home

for ourselves and our children.

Maybe our children's children.

Each with two closets
and a private bath.

Well, here are the estimates.

But before you look at them,
I think I better explain...

Oh, don't bother, Mr. Simms.

We're getting to be old hands
at this sort of thing.

Of course, these bids
are obviously way out of line.

That is, all except
John retch & son at 21,000.

Twenty one thousand!

And with some judicious cutting,

I think we could pare that down
to 18.

But we've only asked
for the barest necessities.

Frankly, with all the extras
that you two...

Never mind, Mr. Simms.

If you'll send us a bill
for your services,

I'll see it's taken care of.

Goodbye, Mr. Simms.
= oh, but one moment.

Mr. blandings,
in the first place...

Now in the first place,
Mr. Simms,

I am going out
to get my head examined.

Then if I don't jump off
the Brooklyn bridge,

I'm going to find the owner
of our apartment building

and sign a 20-year lease.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, sir.

- Goodbye, Mr. Simms.
- Goodbye, Mrs. blandings.

Jim: Do you think you could
keep it down to 18,0007?

Well,
things are certainly humming.

- What?
- I said humming.

Oh.

Oh, there's my contractor,
Mr. retch. I'll introduce you.

We ordered that stuff
over a month ago.

- Get down to...
- Hello, Mr. retch.

Hi. Put a tracer on it
on it right away.

Retch: We need that stuff.
= got a lot on his mind.

Hey, get out of the way.
You wanna get killed?

- What's going on over there?
- Oh, that's Mr. tesander.

He's digging our well.

How long does that go on?

Three weeks now at $4.50 a foot.

I think I'd better have
a little talk with Mr. tesander.

Mr. tesander?

Mr. tesander!

Yep?

- How's it coming?
- It's coming.

Mr. tesander?

Yep?

What I meant was
how far down are you?

Oh, about 130 feet.

- Uh, isn't that pretty deep?
- Yep.

I mean, uh, do you think perhaps
you ought to try another spot?

Up to you. = oh, uh...

Well, haven't you hit
anything yet at all?

Hit some limestone yesterday.

Jim: That's good?

That's bad. = oh.

Tesander: Right now, looks like
we're coming into some shale.

- That's bad?
Tesander: That's good.

Oh.

Tesander: Of course,
it might turn out

to be sandstone.

That's bad?

Can't tell.

Might be good, might be bad.

One thing you know,
you got plenty shale,

sandstone and limestone.

I see. Muriel: Mr. tesander.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Uh, just for the record,
of course,

uh, what happened to water?

Oh, it's there, alright.

Just got to be patient.

Bill: What's wrong
with the steam shovel?

Jim: Oh, I better go
and take a look.

Jim! =- come here.

Thank you.

What's the matter, Mr. zucca?
Is something wrong?

How do you like that?
I broke my bucket.

Two times this week,
I broke my bucket.

What did you do? Hit a Boulder?

That's no Boulder.
That's a ledge.

- What does that mean?
- Means we gotta blast.

- Blast?
- Blast, with dynamite.

What do you mean dynamite?

What do you mean
what do you mean?

Mr. zucca explained
he has to use dynamite

to blast to get rid of the rock.

That's no rock. That's a ledge.

What Mr. blandings means is,
what precisely is a ledge?

A ledge is like a big stone.

Only it's bigger.

- Like a Boulder.
- No, like a ledge.

- Like a ledge.
- Hmm.

Zucca: But you don't
have to worry.

It only costs $6 a cubic yard,

plus dynamite and the fuse.

Well, how far
will you have to blast?

Hard to tell.
Might be a little baby ledge,

might run the whole top
of the mountain.

At $6 a yard,
do you realize what that means?

It means we gotta blast.

With a few minor deviations,

I know exactly
where every penny is going.

- Is that all?
- Yes, thanks.

Hi. Jim: Hello, bill. Come in.

I've just been going over
the knapp contracts

with old man dascomb.

Excuse me.

While I was in there
with dascomb,

the conversation
kind of got around to you.

Oh, what is it?

Well, he didn't say
in so many words

that ever since you started
fooling around with that house,

you haven't come up
with one acceptable slogan...

But. = but...

- Where is it?
- [T's there.

But since the wham account
is the backbone of this agency,

I kind of felt that
he kind of felt that

if I kind of told you
that you'd know that...

- He knew that you knew...
- He knew that you knew...

Well, what's he worrying about?
The deadline is six months off.

Yeah?

Mary: Mrs. blandings
calling from lansdale.

Okay.

Yes, Muriel.

What?

What? Tesander struck water?

Say, that's wonderful.

Bill, we've got our well!

Congratulations.

What?

Uh, what's that?

What do you mean
we've got two Wells?

Oh.

I'll be right out.
Come on, bill.

So you hit a spring,
a bubbling spring,

right here in our cellar.

It will have to be diverted
before retch here

can pour his cement.

May take a while.

Pumps are over in Jersey.

Hmm.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Water, Mr. tesander.

Yep.

At 6 feet.

Yep.

And just over there,
you had to go down 227 feet

to hit the same water.

Yep.

Now how do you account for that,

Mr. tesander?

Well, the way it appears to me,
Mr. blandings,

over here, the water
is down around 6 feet

and over there, uh...

It's down around 227 feet.
= it's down around 227 feet.

Yep.

What's this? Another closet?

This happens to be
our living room.

This isn't the living room,
darling.

Living room's across the hall.

Well, then
where's the dining room?

Uh, well, I... I think
it's, uh...

Maybe it's this
little room here.

Oh, that's the breakfast room.

That isn't the breakfast room,
that's the powder room.

Oh.

Just where is the dining room?

Well, it was right here
a minute ago.

- We couldn't just have lost it.
- Better put an ad in the paper.

Man 1: You know, I don't get
this guy blandings at all.

If you gotta build on the
windiest hill in Connecticut,

why does he have to pick
the windiest side of the hill?

Man 2: You know
those New York millionaires.

Easy come, easy go.

Now here is the living room.
Right?

Yes. There's the fireplace.
= oh.

- Come right in.
- After you, rockefeller.

Hey, mister.
You the owner here, aren't you?

Yeah.
= just the man I wanna see.

I'll browse around upstairs.

On them second floor lintels
between the lally columns,

do you want
we should rabbet them or not?

The, uh, second floor lallies?

Second floor lintels
between the lallies.

Oh, the, uh, lintels
between the lallies.

Yeah, from the blueprints,
you can't tell.

Do you want
they should be rabbeted?

Um...

No, no, I guess not.

Okay, you're the doctor.

Hey, fellas!

If you got any of them
rabbeted lintels set,

rip them up!

It sounded less expensive
to say no.

Stop it! Stop it!

Man 3: Okay, fellas, let's quit!

Now look what you've done.

Oh, oh, look, men!

Uh, Mrs. blandings
didn't mean anything.

I mean, there's, uh, there's
no point in walking off a job

just because a woman makes
a silly little remark.

Look, mister, it's Saturday.

We quit at 12 o'clock. = oh.

Unless you want us
to go on overtime.

Uh, no, no, no.

Very kind of you,
I'm sure, but, uh...

Well, uh,
see you Monday, fellas.

Uh...

I'm sick.

From the outside, this place
looks like a grain elevator.

On the inside,
everything's miles too small.

- Mm-hmm.
- What's that?

Hmm? What's what? «= that noise.

It's upstairs.

What happened?

The door blew shut.
I got locked in.

Impossible. I had this closet
built especially for myself.

The lock opens from the inside.

Maybe for Houdini, not for me.

Nothing to it.
A child could do it.

Look, I'll show you.

See? Just takes
some good old yankee know-how.

It's possible, darling, the lock
works for you and not for bill.

Ridiculous.
Even you could do it.

- Thank you.
- Look, come on, I'll show you.

Get in.

Now go ahead, dear.
Just open the door.

I don't seem to be able to.

Well, it's perfectly simple.

You just take the knob
and turn it clockwise.

Uh...

Hmm.

Oh.

Nothing like that
good old yankee know-how.

Hey!

Somebody let us out of here!

Uh-oh.

Oh, dear.

If I could just get over
to that scaffolding. Hmm.

Well, seems a shame, but I guess
it's the only way to do it.

- Oh.
- What are you gonna do?

Don't get panicky, dear.
I'll get you out of here.

Don't worry.

Stand up, bill. = huh?

Hold that over the window.

Stand back, Muriel.

- Ready?
- Roger.

In case of emergency,
break glass.

Come on, bill.

That's funny. There's no reason
why they shouldn't work.

Oh, wham again.

Yes, sir.

Muriel, I thought we'd agreed...

Gussie, from now on,

no more wham for Mr. blandings.

What about the rest of us?

Gussie, I'm sure
there are other substitutes.

Bacon, sausages...
= the children like wham.

Well, there must be
other things...

Mrs. blandings likes it too.

- Well, just the same...
- And I consider it very tasty.

Gussie, I spend
eight hours every day

trying to cram this stuff
down the throats

of a hundred million people.

I know all about it.

Its succulent goodness.

Its sugar-smoked tenderness.
Its ==

you don't have to sell me.
Ll like it.

Oh, thank you.

Just bills.

Darling. Jim: Hmm?

I'm going out to the place
this afternoon.

Bill's driving me up
to see about the landscaping.

Well, that will be nice.

What do you mean
bill's driving you?

Why do you always say
what do you mean

when you know perfectly well
what I mean and what you mean?

I mean,
the moment I turn my back,

bill Cole's driving you
someplace or something.

He's only being helpful.

I thought he was a lawyer.
Why isn't he out suing somebody?

Bicker, bicker, bicker.

Hmph!

Well, we'll just see about that!

What is it?

What's the matter, Jim? = oh.

Mr. William Cole, please.

Hello, bill.
They can't get away with this.

I know my rights as a citizen.

Why, this notice
from the owner of this building.

Yeah. He wants our apartment.

He's ordering us to move
in 30 days.

Well, that's ridiculous.
How can I move into a house

that isn't even finished?

Well, there are no windows,
no plaster,

no paint or... or...

Now you listen to me.
I have no intention

of moving in 30 days.

This is not legal.
I'm going to fight this thing

and I don't care if it takes
every penny I've got.

Yeah.

Yeah. Alright.

- Well?
- We're moving in 30 days.

So came 30 days and they moved.

That is, we moved.

Well, there she is
bright and shiny

and just about complete.

The residence of Mr. and Mrs.
James blandings.

"Alright, everybody, out.”

Guess you can't blame them
for feeling

just a little bit proud.

Even Theodore's proud.

"Alright, alright, come on, men.

Let's have
a little action here.”

"Okay, Mac.”

The big moment.

Aww, look, he wants to carry her

across the threshold.

Isn't that romantic?

Watch that sacroiliac.

Fifteen years since you've done
this sort of thing.

Nice work, Tarzan. Now let's see

if you can make it
into the living room.

That's right. Go right in.

Don't pay any attention
to the sign.

"Why don't you look
where you're going?

Can't you see
I'm varnishing this floor?"

"Stop painting that floor
and put some planks

down in here or something."

"Okay, Mac, okay,
but take it easy.

The Republicans ain't in yet,
you know."

"There.

I'll just see Simms about this."

"Oh, father, wait till you see
what we found.”

"Now what?

Oh, fine. No windows.

Well, we'll just see Simms
about that too."

Where's Simms? = around back.

Trying to figure out what to do
about them windows.

What's the problem?
You put windows up.

- Not these. They don't fit.
- Oh, they don't, don't they?

Oh, Mr. blandings, you'd better
take a look at these bills.

What's this about the windows?

I'm afraid
there's been a little slip-up.

These windows seem to belong
to a Mr. landing in fishkill.

I spoke to him on the phone
this morning.

Well, has he got mine? = no.

He seems to have some windows
that belong

to a Mr. blandsworth
in peekskill.

Where are my windows?

Well, as near as
we can find out,

they've either been sent
to a Mr. banning in danbury

or a Mr. bamberger in waterbury.

What are we supposed to do?
Spend the rest of our lives

in a house without windows?

It will only be a matter
of a few days.

What's a zuz-zuz water softener?

How should I know?

You've got one.

Yeah?

"Furnishing and installing one
zuz-zuz water softener, $285..."

I didn't order that.

I'm afraid I authorized that,
Mr. blandings,

to save your boiler
and water pipes.

- From what?
- Rust.

The plumber assures me
that the water in your well

is the most corrosive
in his entire experience

in the trait.

Another first.

Well, if it's necessary,
put it in.

We're moving in today...
= it's in.

Oh. Then get me the bill for it.

- You've got it.
- Well, alright then.

That's right.
Upstairs in the bedroom.

Joan: Mother!
= that will be fine.

The moving vans just left
and we waved goodbye...

Never mind. You two go
and help gussie in the kitchen.

Now, Mr. pedelford,
we'll talk about the painting.

- Okay.
- I had some samples.

Oh, here we are.

Now first, the living room.

I want it to be a soft green.
= uh-huh.

Not as blue-green
as a Robin's egg.

But not as yellow-green
as daffodil buds.

Uh-huh.

Now the only sample I could get
is a little too yellow.

But don't let whoever does it
go to the other extreme

and get it too blue.

No.

It should just be a sort of

grayish yellow-green.

Uh-huh.

Now the dining room.

I'd like yellow.

Not just yellow.
A very gay yellow.

Something bright and sunshiny.
= uh-huh.

I tell you, Mr. pedelford,

if you'll send one of your
workmen to the grocer

for a pound of their best butter
and match that exactly,

you can't go wrong.

Uh-huh.

Now this is the paper
we're going to use in the hall.

It's flowered,
but I don't want the ceiling

to match any of the colors
of the flowers.

There are some little dots
in the background

and it's these dots
I want you to match.

Not the little greenish dot
near the hollyhock leaf.

But the little bluish dot

between the rosebud
and the delphinium blossom.

- Is that clear?
- Uh-huh.

Now the kitchen's to be white.

Not a cold, antiseptic,
hospital white.

No. = a little warmer.

But still not to suggest
any other color but white.

Uh-huh.

Now for the powder room in here,

I want you to match this thread.
And don't lose it.

It's the only spool I have

and I had an awful time
finding it.

As you can see,
it's practically an apple red.

Somewhere between
a healthy winesap

and an unripened Jonathan.

Uh-huh.

Oh, excuse me.

You got that, Charlie?

Red, green, blue, yellow, white.

Check.

Muriel: Oh, Joan.

I'm awful sorry...

You knew father was supposed

to carry the heavy things.

Well, father disappeared.

I haven't seen him for an hour.

Where's uncle bill, mother?
He's gonna miss his train.

If they've run off somewhere,
it certainly isn't very...

Heavens.

I thought you were going
to take care of it.

- I thought you were.
- Hmm.

You're gonna miss your train,
uncle bill.

It leaves lansdale
in 25 minutes.

Actually, I hate to leave
this little place.

Just four walls
and a couple of nail kegs,

but to me,
it will always be home.

- Isn't there a later one?
- Not till the commuter special.

Tomorrow morning at 6:15.

- You mean 7:15.
Joan: No, dad, 6:15.

What about the 7:15
I'm supposed to take

to the office every morning?

There's a little asterisk.

The 7:15 runs only Saturdays,

Sundays and holidays.

What? Bill, let me see that.

Muriel.

Oh, dear,
don't tell me I read it wrong.

That's fine.
For the rest of my life,

I'll have to get up at 5:00
in the morning to catch the 6:15

to get to my office at 8:00.

It doesn't even open until 9:00

and I never get there
until 10:00.

Well, maybe
if you start earlier,

you can leave the office
earlier.

To get home earlier
to get to bed earlier

to get up earlier,
I suppose, hmm?

Maybe you can get the railroad
to push the train up to 4:15.

Then you won't have
to go to bed at all.

You're gonna miss your train,
uncle bill.

I'll drive you to the station.
«I can drive him.

No, dear.
You'd better save your strength.

You have to get up at 5:00.

It would be nice
if you could spend

your vacation up here, bill.

Mm-hmm.

We'll see how things work out
at the office.

I tell you, I'll scour around

and see if I can find you
a cottage in lansdale.

Well, if you can't find me
a cottage,

I can always move back
into that closet.

Oh!

- Father!
- Now look what you've done.

Oh.

Father, the first principle
of lighting a fire

is to see if the flue is open.

A three-year-old child
knows that.

Next time we want a fire,
I'll send out

for a three-year-old child.

Now get that stuff cleaned up
and then go on in

and help gussie set the table.
It's getting late.

Look, dad, your fraternity pins.

Pins? I only had one.
= there are two of them here.

Alright, alright,
just put them away.

Funny. This one says
w.C. On the back of it.

W.c.? William Cole.
It must be uncle bill's.

Hmm? Let me see that.

What's that?

It's mother's diary
while she was in college.

- It's slightly torrid.
- Let's see.

That's none of your business.

I'd say mother and uncle bill
were somewhat of an item.

People do not read
other people's diaries.

That's not a very nice thing
to do.

Now go in and help gussie
with the table.

Come on, shoo. = what about...

I'll take care of that.
Now shoo.

Excuse.

Muriel,
do you have to do that now?

There's no need
to be so irritable

just because
you have to shave at night.

- I'm not irritable.
- Well, you're something.

You haven't said a civil word
all evening.

Sometimes a man
doesn't feel like talking.

What is it, dear?
Something down at the office?

No.

You got a new slogan for wham?

It's not due yet.

Oh, it's something.

You're certainly upset
about something.

I can always tell.

I'm not upset.

It's just that I don't happen
to approve of falsehood

and deception,
particularly in my own wife.

- What are you talking about?
- Oh, nothing.

It's just that I distinctly
remember your telling me

you gave bill back
his fraternity pin 15 years ago.

- What?
- Well, did you or didn't you?

Did I or didn't I what?

- Give it back to him.
- Well, of course, I did.

If I said I did, I did.

Then perhaps you'll have
the goodness to explain

how this happen to fall out
of your Jewel box.

- What's so funny?
- You.

You're jealous.

If you were so crazy
about the guy,

why didn't you marry him?

Because I wasn't in love
with him.

That's not what you said
in your diary.

Oh, now you've been reading
my diary.

Well, it... it just happened
to fall open

and I happened to look at it.

It... it just happened.

I'll just bet.

It's all over the book!

Shh. The children.

Then why don't you admit it?

You were in love with bill Cole.

Oh, don't be absurd. Of course,
I was in love with bill.

In those days, I was in love
with a new man every week.

Then why did you marry me?

I'm beginning to wonder.

Maybe it was those big cow eyes
of yours

or that ridiculous hole
in your chin.

Maybe I knew
you were gonna bring me out

to this $38,000 icebox

with a dried-up trout stream
and no windows.

Or maybe I just happened
to fall in love with you.

But for heaven's sakes,
don't ask me why.

Muriel.

What time is it?

- 9:20.
- Thank you.

Muriel, would it do any good
to say I'm sorry?

- I don't know.
- Well, I am.

I behaved like a schoolboy
and I'm sorry.

Oh, Jim.

Why don't you take the soap
out of your ears?

Why do I love you so much?

Darling, it's awfully late.

Uh-huh.

Maybe you ought to go down
and lock the doors.

What for? The windows
are all open, anyway.

You have to get up at 5 o'clock.

Yeah, I guess so.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

So the days sped by.

And the bills and the extras.

And as Autumn
reared its lovely head,

so did the deadline
for Jim's slogan.

It was practically
a photo finish.

You better send out
for sandwiches and coffee.

It looks like
an all-night session.

What did Mr. dascomb say?

He said, "blandings,
I want that slogan

on my desk by 9:00
in the morning.

Check?" I said, "check."

Well, I guess you'll just
have to dream something up,

good or bad.

I rather got the impression
that it better be good.

Mary: Oh.

Funny how you look forward
to the little things.

Rain, for instance.

For a month now,
I've been looking forward

to the first rainy night
at the house.

Big, blazing fire.

Muriel pouring coffee.

Me in my new smoking jacket.

With my pipe and slippers,
reading my newspaper.

Oh, well.

Well, do you suppose
my clothes are dry yet?

Thank heavens, the children.

Sit still.
You look too comfortable.

Yeah.

Phew, what a night.

I... I'm Harry Selby
from down the road.

- Won't you come in?
- Oh, thank you.

I'm afraid I'm gonna get
your place all wet.

I... I just came in to tell you

that the kids are safe,
Mr. blandings.

Oh, I'm not Mr. blandings.
Cole's the name. Bill Cole.

Friend of the family.

Just came in out of the rain.

- I'm Mrs. blandings.
- Oh, how do?

Oh, uh,
Mrs. Williams just called

and says your phone
is out of order.

She wanted me to come over
and tell you the water's rising

and they've got the bridge
roped off.

Your girls will spend the night
over at her place.

Oh, thank you. I was beginning
to get quite worried.

Oh, she'll take
good care of them.

May I give you a cup of coffee?

Oh, no, thank you.
I'd better be getting back

before I have to swim for it.

Well, night, Mrs. blandings.

Goodnight. I'm very grateful.

Oh, not at all.
Night, Mr. bland...

Cole. Bill Cole.
Friend of the family.

Just came in out of the rain.

Well, night.

Muriel: Goodnight.
And thank you.

No bridge. That's fine.

How do I get back to lansdale?

You'll just have to spend
the night here.

Muriel, really?

With your husband in New York
and your children away?

Think of my reputation.

Don't worry, snow white.

You'll be just as pure
and unsullied

in the morning
as you were the night before.

That's the story of my life.

Compare the price,
compare the slice.

Take our advice, buy wham.

Oh.

If you'd buy better ham,
you'd better buy wham.

That's boyle petroleum.

If you'd buy better oil,
you'd better buy boyle.

Yeah.

This little piggy went to market

as meek and as mild as a lamb.

He smiled in his tracks.

When they slipped him the ax,

he knew he'd turn out
to be wham.

Yeah. "He knew
he'd turn out to be wham."

It's gone! I've lost my touch.

Oh, well,
maybe I never had a touch.

Who knows?
I can't think anymore.

All I've got on my mind
is a house

with an $18,000 mortgage.

And... and bills and extras
and antiques and... and...

Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

Where are you going?

I'm going home
to get some sleep.

And I'd advise you
to do the same.

- But you haven't...
- Suppose I haven't.

This isn't the only job in town.

What will I tell Mr. dascomb?

Oh, just tell him to...

Just tell him.

Muriel: I'm sorry
Jim isn't here.

Simms: Oh, that's quite alright.
I was on my way to town, anyway.

Thought I might catch Jim
before he left for the office.

Sure you won't stay
to breakfast?

No, thanks very much
all the same.

Darling.

Good morning, dear.
= you must be exhausted.

- How did it go?
- Fine, fine.

- Everything alright?
- Everything's fine.

Oh, hello, Henry. What are you
doing up with the morning dew?

Just dropped in
to check the blueprints.

Some extras came in from retch
this morning

and there are a couple things
I thought

we ought to go over together.

Really? What are they?

Well, let's see.

Well, a few things here
that were alright, I guess.

"Mortising five butts, $1.98."

Well, let's not quibble
about it.

A man's entitled to mortise

a few butts now and then.

"Extra hardware, $3.89."

Petty larceny,
but let them get away with it.

Now there's one here that,
frankly, I don't understand.

Here we are.

"Changes in closet, $1247."

Did you authorize that?

Well, we probably told him to...

- Twelve hundred and what?
Simms: Forty seven dollars.

"Changes in closet.”

That's the end!

Uh, what's this notation?

"Refer to detail sheet 135."
What's that?

Near as I can remember, that's
something in back of the house.

Let's take a look.

Here we are.

Uh, it isn't a closet at all.

It's... it's off the back pantry.

Mrs. blandings'
little flower sink.

Oh, Mrs. blandings'
little flower sink.

You didn't authorize
any changes, did you?

Well, they certainly
weren't changes.

What have you done?

I haven't done anything.

All I did was
just nothing at all.

What have you done?

Well, all I did was,

one day I saw
four pieces of flagstone

left over from the porch
that were just going to be

thrown away
because nobody wanted them.

And I asked Mr. retch
if he wouldn't just

put them down
on the floor of the flower room

and poke a little cement
between the cracks

and give me a nice stone floor

where it might be wet
with flowers and things.

That's absolutely all I did.

- That's all you did.
- Absolutely.

Just four little pieces
of flagstone.

Uh, did you, by any chance,
authorize a drain?

Of course, I didn't.

All I said was that
I wanted a nice, dry stone floor

and Mr. retch was just as nice
as he could be and said,

"well, you're the doctor.”

And that was all that anybody
said to anybody about anything.

That's all.

Well?

I think I can tell you
what happened.

First, the carpenters
had to rip out

the flooring
that was already laid.

Those planks run under
the entire width of the pantry,

so retch had to knock out
the bottom of the pantry wall

to get at them.

Then he had to chop off
the top of the joists

under the flower sink space
to make room for the cradle.

Oh, I guess
he got some iron straps

and fastened them to a large pan

to give him something
to hold the cement.

And then with that added load

on the weakened joists,
I'll bet he had to put

a lally column down there
for support too.

= mmm, I'll bet.
But it was just four little-

quiet!

Simms: The main soil pipe runs
under there on wall brackets.

So retch had to get the plumber
back, take out a section

so that he could get
that cradle set.

And I'll bet
he had to change the pitch

of the soil pipe from one end
of the house to the other.

- Good morning, Mr. Cole.
- Morning. Morning, dear.

- Morning, Jim.
- Hello, bill.

Simms: And, of course,
there are hot and cold water

pipes hooked to the joists
right under that pantry.

They run to the wing bathroom
on the second floor. I'll bet...

The bridge was roped off

and bill had to stay here
last night.

Slept like a rock.

60 feet of armored cable
between the main panel

and the junction box
by the oil burner,

including the 220-volt cable
that goes to the stove.

Morning, everybody.
Wow, what a night.

I've never seen so much rain
in all my natural life.

Gussie spent the night
in lansdale.

Gussie: I passed the girls
over at the Williams'.

- They'll be on any minute.
- Thank you, gussie.

You better get
breakfast started.

Gussie: Yes, ma'am.

Uh, where were we?

We were at the 220-volt cable

that goes to the stove.

And, of course, there are
hot and cold water pipes

hooked to the joists
right under...

Just a minute. You mean

the children weren't here
last night either?

How could they be?
The bridge was closed.

- I just came across it.
- It was closed last night.

It's open now.

Well, uh,
if you'll all excuse me,

I think I'll just go upstairs
and slip into something

a little more comfortable.

Well, I guess
that's about the size of it.

Except that retch had to repair
the pantry wall.

That meant
getting it plastered back

and he couldn't possibly have
broken through that wall...

Alright, Henry, alright,
we'll take care of it.

Oh, I'll admit, it's a little
steep, but I'll, uh,

I'll try and get retch
to knock $100 off the bill.

Uh, if I can't get that,
I'll certainly try for 75.

Fine.

If he doesn't give a 75,

I'll make a stab at 50.

You do that.

Anyhow, I'm almost sure
we can get 25.

- Good day.
- Good day.

Bye.

Darling, you're upset.

You've got a lot of things
on your mind.

Muriel, there's only one thing
I've got on my mind.

This house and how soon
we can get rid of it.

That's not what you're thinking.

Maybe it's not.

Maybe I'm thinking
I was once a happy man.

I didn't have a closet,
I didn't have three bathrooms,

but I did have my sanity,
a few dollars in the bank,

two children who loved me,
and a wife I could trust.

That's a fine thing to say.

I also had a job
at dascomb & banton.

Something I don't happen to have
at the moment.

- Jim!
- That's right, I've resigned.

We're starting all over again
from scratch.

And without this house!

You love this house.
= I hate it.

From its rabbeted lintels
to its zuz-zuz water softener.

- You know you don't mean that.
- Every word of it.

Anybody who builds a house today
is crazy.

The minute you start,
they put you on the list,

the all-American sucker list.

You start out to build a home

and you wind up
in the poorhouse.

And if it can happen to me,
what about the fellows

what about the kids
who've just got married

and want a home of their own?

It's a conspiracy, I tell you,
a conspiracy

against every boy and girl
who were ever in love.

What do you want?

Mr. blandings,
there's a matter of $12.36.

$12.36.

Why be a piker, Mr. tesander?

Here, take everything I've got.

Spread it out amongst your pals.

Perhaps retch would like
a little something.

Maybe zucca could use
my new smoking jacket.

It's open house, Mr. tesander.
Help yourself.

Now hold on, Mr. blandings.

This $12.36, you don't owe me.

I owe you.

- What was that?
- Yep.

Found I overcharged you,
almost 3 feet.

Better count it.
I think it's all there.

Thank you very much,
Mr. tesander.

Well, uh,
I guess I better be going.

You sure got
a pretty place here.

Take good care of it.

Oh, uh, I'll tell Mr. zucca
about the smoking jacket.

Darling, what did you mean?

Are we really going
to have to sell this house?

I don't know, dear.
I don't know anything anymore.

In case anyone's interested,
I'm leaving for town.

Oh, Mr. tesander, could you give
me a lift into lansdale?

- Yep.
- Fine, I'll be right with you.

If you wanna count
the silverware, I'll wait.

Be patient with me, bill.

Maybe one of these days,
I'll grow up.

- What happened to him?
- $12.36.

You mind if I say something?

You know,
ever since this thing started,

I've been the voice of doom

about the whole project.

Every step of the way,
I've been firmly convinced

that you were getting
fleeced, bilked, rooked,

flimflammed, and generally
taken to the cleaners.

Well, maybe you were.

Maybe it cost you a lot more
than you thought it would.

Maybe there were times
when you wish

you'd never started
the whole thing.

But when I look around
at what you two have got here...

Well, I don't know.

Maybe there are some things
you should buy with your heart,

not your head.

Maybe those are the things
that really count.

Well, see you around.

Bye, dear.

Oh.

- Oh, oh, uncle bill!
- Well, hi!

Your mother's in there. Goodbye!

- Bye!
- Bye! Morning, everybody.

Dad, why aren't you
at the office?

Hmm? Oh, well,
I'm on a kind of vacation.

You mean you got fired?

Uh, not...
= we'll discuss it later.

Come and get it, everybody.
Breakfast is ready.

Oh, good, I'm starving.
What are we having, gussie?

Orange juice, scrambled eggs
and you-know-what.

- Ham?
- Not ham, wham.

If you ain't eating wham,
you ain't eating ham.

Now you kids go wash your hands.

Muriel, darling,
give gussie a $10 raise!

Drop in and see us sometime.

Yeah, do that.