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1
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:06,340
[radio announcer] Were you
or a loved one a victim
2
00:00:06,382 --> 00:00:07,842
of the Noonan's cat rampage?
3
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:10,511
Call Villigan's Law
and get justice meow!
4
00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,722
This country's gotten
too litigious.
5
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:14,724
Uh, didn't that cat
kill your step-kid?
6
00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:16,183
-Yeah.
-What the--
7
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:17,435
[driver] Where'd she come from?
8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,895
[Golden Glider] Sorry, boys.
9
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,021
This is your exit.
10
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:21,564
[grunts]
11
00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:24,650
-[engine revving]
-[tires screech]
12
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,860
Whoa!
13
00:00:25,902 --> 00:00:28,321
Time to remove
the hood ornament. [grunts]
14
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:32,658
-[grunts]
-[groans]
15
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,035
Huh?
16
00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:36,579
[Golden Glider] Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
17
00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:38,456
[screaming]
18
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,333
[screams]
19
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,834
[chuckles, groans]
20
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:45,296
Truck off, fellas!
We'll be taking your big load.
21
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:46,923
Not your best, babe.
22
00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:49,384
I regretted it as soon as it
shot out of my mouth, babe.
23
00:00:49,425 --> 00:00:50,301
Damn it!
24
00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:53,054
[engine revving]
25
00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:54,639
-Whoa!
-Uh-oh!
26
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:55,848
Hang on, babe.
27
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,642
[grunts] Gotcha!
28
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,852
-[yells]
-[grunts]
29
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,730
-Chuck!
-Babe, it's Kite Man on the streets,
30
00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:04,815
Chuck in the... [screams]
31
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,234
Babe, look!
32
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:10,238
-[panting]
-[grunting]
33
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,869
[screams]
34
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:21,124
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Here comes Bane! ♪
35
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:22,750
[screams]
36
00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:24,085
[grunts]
37
00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:25,253
[Kite Man grunts]
38
00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:26,713
-[Bane grunts]
-[Kite Man gasps]
39
00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:30,842
[all screaming]
40
00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:33,927
[screams, groans]
41
00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:36,848
[both groaning]
42
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,438
[both grunt]
43
00:01:43,521 --> 00:01:46,314
-[chuckles]
-[grunts]
44
00:01:46,399 --> 00:01:49,277
And now to do
a little shopping.
45
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,195
Ooh! They have the Guten Tag
46
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,530
three-piece
sectional set, babe!
47
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,907
And the Fjordside
coffee table, score!
48
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:57,326
[Bane] You know, I don't mind
helping you guys move.
49
00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:59,829
But please tell me
you're not going to put
50
00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:01,289
that Thomas Blakemore piece
51
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,416
next to
the Fronkenschnitzelschnot.
52
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,627
[sirens blaring]
53
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,424
♪ Hell, yeah!♪
54
00:02:16,262 --> 00:02:17,597
[Bane grunting]
55
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,683
Bane, there you are.
Put the couch right here.
56
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,810
Scooch a teeny bit to the left.
57
00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:24,228
-Smidge to the right.
-[grunting] Yes.
58
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,064
Just a hair north.
59
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,732
Hell, yeah.
60
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,651
Good timing, 'cause I need
to use the little Bane's room.
61
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,528
Actually, Bane, could you bring
62
00:02:32,612 --> 00:02:34,989
the Vad Ar Klockan table in
before you go?
63
00:02:35,031 --> 00:02:36,491
I want to see how it looks
64
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:38,034
under my brand new collection
of nautical flags.
65
00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:41,496
Fine, I will hold it.
But it's scientifically proven
66
00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:43,331
that it is not good
for the bowel.
67
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,083
-It'll be quick, I promise.
-[grunts]
68
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:48,669
Babe, we need to get rid
of this disgusting, old wallpaper.
69
00:02:48,753 --> 00:02:51,506
[chuckles] I mean, how much
coke was Noonan doing?
70
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:54,300
I don't know, babe.
It's very '80s. I kinda like it.
71
00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:57,011
We're getting rid
of the wallpaper.
72
00:02:57,095 --> 00:02:59,430
Oh, this is so bitchin'!
73
00:02:59,514 --> 00:03:00,807
Our new home.
74
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,642
-And a whole new start.
-Hell, yeah!
75
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,977
I had no idea you were
this into ships and boats.
76
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:07,855
"A boat is a home
you can take anywhere."
77
00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:10,483
No doubt. Wow,
we've literally just moved in,
78
00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:12,693
and I'm already learning
so much more about you.
79
00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:16,030
Hey, babe, this gallery wall
is kinda lopsided.
80
00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:17,573
I mean, this is our home.
81
00:03:17,657 --> 00:03:19,700
It should have pictures
from both of our families.
82
00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:21,911
No, we should change it up.
83
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,955
Take all new pictures
of just us.
84
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,207
Come on, babe,
you gotta have some baby pics.
85
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:27,542
I bet you were so adorable.
86
00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:29,127
I don't have any pics
from my childhood.
87
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:31,170
What? Not even
with Captain Cold?
88
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,714
Like a sweet bro-sis pic?
89
00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:33,923
I said we don't have
any pictures!
90
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,383
-Okay.
-[exhales deeply]
91
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:37,384
Now, where is Bane
with the table?
92
00:03:37,427 --> 00:03:40,221
You know, Babe, every time
I bring up your fam, you change the subject.
93
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,973
[laughing] I do not.
94
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,559
Babe, honestly,
95
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,519
who do you think
is the best Jack Ryan, huh?
96
00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:49,230
Babe, I know
what you're trying to do.
97
00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:51,399
You want me
to say Harrison Ford.
98
00:03:51,441 --> 00:03:54,777
But for me,
it is all Affleck all day.
99
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,404
There's my guy.
100
00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:58,448
Oh, to be with someone
101
00:03:58,531 --> 00:04:02,160
where we could decorate
a nautical apartment.
102
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,911
-[stomach churns]
-[groans]
103
00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:05,246
I'm turtling!
104
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:08,416
Get out of my way,
ominous signage!
105
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,751
[Bane grunting]
106
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:10,793
[passing gas]
107
00:04:10,877 --> 00:04:12,587
-[groaning]
-[passing gas]
108
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,091
And the denouement.
109
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,469
[sniffs]
110
00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:21,596
Sometimes the courtesy flush
is just for you.
111
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,556
-Thank you, Bane.
-[toilet flushes]
112
00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:29,812
[sighs]
113
00:04:29,896 --> 00:04:31,230
[gasping]
114
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,440
I did not notice
115
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:34,776
this shag carpet
in the bathroom earlier.
116
00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:37,695
Tres '80s and very impractical.
117
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:39,989
Huh? Hm.
118
00:04:40,073 --> 00:04:42,492
I wonder where Kite Man
and Golden Glider went.
119
00:04:42,575 --> 00:04:44,535
They really gave this place
a whole new look
120
00:04:44,619 --> 00:04:46,954
in the brief time
I was pooping.
121
00:04:47,038 --> 00:04:48,372
Hm.
122
00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:51,750
A mint condition newspaper
from the 1980s.
123
00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:54,796
-Hello, eBay!
-[wolf whistling]
124
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:57,298
-Hey, hey! Hey, sweet thing!
-[Bane] Hey!
125
00:04:57,382 --> 00:04:59,634
Take your toxic masculinity
126
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:02,929
and send it back to the '80s
where it belongs!
127
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,305
Uh, wait a minute.
128
00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:05,848
The bathroom decor.
129
00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:07,141
The newspaper.
130
00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:10,269
The socially acceptable
sexual harassment.
131
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:16,067
I've been flushed to the 1980s!
132
00:05:17,527 --> 00:05:19,195
And that's why
if I ever get my dream dog,
133
00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:22,198
which is a golden doodle,
I'll name it Jack Ryan.
134
00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:23,616
No one can argue with that.
135
00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:24,826
We need to bring the fridge up.
136
00:05:24,909 --> 00:05:26,994
Is... is Bane still
in the bathroom?
137
00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,207
Huh. Looks like
he went out the window.
138
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,125
He bailed on helping us move?
139
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,752
Ugh, freaking Bane.
140
00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:37,213
Hello? Toilet?
141
00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:40,091
I would like to be flushed
back to the future, please.
142
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,426
[rattling]
143
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:43,553
Damn you, portal potty!
144
00:05:43,636 --> 00:05:46,514
My friends are probably
panicking right now.
145
00:05:46,556 --> 00:05:49,684
There must be another way out!
146
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:50,560
Hm?
147
00:05:50,643 --> 00:05:52,186
Gilder was right.
148
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:56,023
These walls look nice
without that hideous wallpaper.
149
00:05:56,107 --> 00:05:57,775
Wait a minute!
150
00:05:57,859 --> 00:05:59,736
If I write a message
on this wall,
151
00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:01,529
Kite Man and Golden Glider
152
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:04,991
will see it when
they remove the wallpaper!
153
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,909
[grunting]
154
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:14,584
Wall, you will send my message
through time!
155
00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,544
Well, now that it's just us,
156
00:06:16,586 --> 00:06:18,838
we can talk about
your family sitch.
157
00:06:19,464 --> 00:06:20,923
Huh. "Help!"
158
00:06:21,007 --> 00:06:23,718
I found a portal potty
and took 'splosive shit
159
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,888
and when I flushed,
I got stuck in the past."
160
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:28,598
Hm. "'Splosive."
161
00:06:28,681 --> 00:06:31,517
That sounds like
something Bane would say.
162
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,061
You think Bane
is stuck in the past?
163
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:36,814
And there she goes
changing the old subject again.
164
00:06:36,898 --> 00:06:39,025
Come on,
tell me about your childhood.
165
00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:42,153
Please stop talking
about this, Chuck.
166
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,489
Fine, fine, babe. Fine.
167
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:47,825
It looks like
it's time to jack it.
168
00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:50,745
As in, do what
Jack Ryan would do.
169
00:06:58,586 --> 00:06:59,796
[Captain Cold] You found it!
170
00:07:01,089 --> 00:07:02,256
[Kite Man] Captain Cold.
171
00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:04,675
Uh, I thought we were meeting
at your place.
172
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:07,261
This is my place. Epic, right?
173
00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:08,596
Yeah.
174
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:11,224
Uh, so I'm here
175
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,810
'cause your sister and I moved
into an apartment together.
176
00:07:13,893 --> 00:07:16,145
No shit!
Congratulations, buddy.
177
00:07:16,229 --> 00:07:18,022
-We talkin' two-bed, two-bath?
-Uh...
178
00:07:18,106 --> 00:07:20,066
-1.5 bath?
-Uh, it's a two-bed, two-bath.
179
00:07:20,108 --> 00:07:22,443
But back to the thing
I came here for.
180
00:07:22,527 --> 00:07:25,113
Um, I was just hoping
to get the 411
181
00:07:25,196 --> 00:07:28,241
about what life was like
for you and Glider growing up.
182
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:31,119
Well, Kite Dude, that sounds
like the kind of conversation
183
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,247
we should have in our kitchen
over a few cold ones
184
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:35,289
from our fridge.
185
00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:37,125
Yeah, no.
186
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:39,377
Look, can you at least give me
a childhood pic of Glider?
187
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:42,130
I just need something
to hang on our gallery wall.
188
00:07:43,381 --> 00:07:44,799
[clattering]
189
00:07:44,841 --> 00:07:48,177
Vape cartridge,
64 gig USB drive.
190
00:07:48,261 --> 00:07:49,512
That's just for my porn.
191
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,389
Got the greatest hits on there.
Found it!
192
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,683
That's her and Dad!
193
00:07:53,766 --> 00:07:56,769
Wait, you guys went
to Noonan's as kids?
194
00:07:56,811 --> 00:08:00,314
Yep, that was taken the day
our parents died there.
195
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:02,567
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
196
00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:05,945
We bought and are now
living above the bar
197
00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:08,740
my girlfriend's parents
died in?
198
00:08:08,823 --> 00:08:11,033
-[groans]
-Eh, you should ask Lisa.
199
00:08:11,117 --> 00:08:13,327
But I gotta warn you,
she's real sensitive about it.
200
00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:15,455
Totally, totally.
201
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,457
Well, uh, I gotta run.
202
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:19,333
I guess, thanks for the picture
203
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:23,004
and the paradigm shifting info
about my girlfriend's past.
204
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:28,676
Mm. Still no bars!
205
00:08:28,718 --> 00:08:32,388
The '80s was not a good decade
for cell service.
206
00:08:32,472 --> 00:08:35,390
Or candy! Candy Cigarettes?
207
00:08:35,475 --> 00:08:37,393
Those are
not appropriate treats.
208
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:39,937
What next? Chocolate beer?
209
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,190
[Bane groans]
210
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:44,859
Ah! Well, that looks fun.
211
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:48,863
Hold up. There is no lifeguard,
and no fence!
212
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:52,200
That is not a pool.
It is a drowning machine.
213
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,034
Hey!
214
00:08:53,076 --> 00:08:55,369
You kids all need sunblock!
215
00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:57,872
You're begging for skin cancer.
216
00:08:57,914 --> 00:08:59,207
-[engine rumbling]
-Whoa!
217
00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:03,378
"Asbestos installation"?
You cannot install that!
218
00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:07,090
Oh, my God, the '80s
is nothing but a minefield
219
00:09:07,173 --> 00:09:11,219
of irresponsibility
and certain death.
220
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,638
♪ I love it! ♪
221
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,306
[upbeat music
playing over stereo]
222
00:09:19,102 --> 00:09:22,397
So I said, "Was that
my umbrella up your ass?"
223
00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:24,065
[canned laughter sound plays]
224
00:09:24,148 --> 00:09:25,024
You see?
225
00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:26,401
-Lafftrak get it.
-[gun cocks]
226
00:09:26,484 --> 00:09:30,488
What did I tell you
about laughing in my bar?
227
00:09:30,530 --> 00:09:32,156
[canned exclamation
sound plays]
228
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,867
How's my least favorite
teetotaler doing?
229
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:37,745
I'm fantastic, Sean.
I just made partner.
230
00:09:37,829 --> 00:09:40,748
I think I might celebrate
with my first ever drink.
231
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:42,458
[Noonan]
Here's our cocktail menu.
232
00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:46,754
I suppose just one
Slippery Slope can't hurt.
233
00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:52,927
[belches]
234
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,554
Want a beer chaser?
235
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,514
Make it a six-pack!
236
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,433
Six-pack it is!
237
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,437
Wow, Dubelz Brothers!
238
00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:04,939
You look so... both alive.
239
00:10:04,981 --> 00:10:07,275
Yeah, we've been eating
more fiber lately.
240
00:10:07,358 --> 00:10:10,361
-Life changing stuff.
-That's probably it.
241
00:10:10,445 --> 00:10:11,738
What a stugots.
242
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,364
I'd rather get
my brains blown out
243
00:10:13,448 --> 00:10:14,699
than hang out with that guy.
244
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,910
[Bane] Psst. Noonan. Sean.
245
00:10:17,952 --> 00:10:19,704
I'm sorry, have we met?
246
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,539
It is me, Bane!
247
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:22,957
I'm from the future.
248
00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,959
I used the Portal Potty
249
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:26,836
and now I don't know
how to get back!
250
00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:28,379
[chuckles nervously]
What? What?
251
00:10:28,463 --> 00:10:30,214
A Portal Potty? Ha!
252
00:10:30,298 --> 00:10:32,675
I don't have a clue
what you're talking about.
253
00:10:32,759 --> 00:10:36,304
Look, there's only one way
you can get back to the future.
254
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,514
And if you mess this up,
you're screwed.
255
00:10:38,598 --> 00:10:42,602
You have to take a piss
in the Portal Potty
256
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,812
and then flush.
257
00:10:44,854 --> 00:10:46,105
That's it?
258
00:10:46,147 --> 00:10:47,982
I thought it might be
more complicated.
259
00:10:48,066 --> 00:10:50,443
You need to get out of here
as soon as possible
260
00:10:50,485 --> 00:10:53,821
because the first rule
of time travel is,
261
00:10:53,863 --> 00:10:56,866
"Don't change anything."
262
00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:58,117
Fucking with the future
263
00:10:58,159 --> 00:10:59,869
won't turn out
the way you think.
264
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:02,497
I won't be here long enough
to fuck with anything.
265
00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:04,207
-[woman singing]
-Hm?
266
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:06,000
♪ I'm ready for a man to come
And make my... ♪
267
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,252
Hello! Who is that?
268
00:11:08,336 --> 00:11:11,297
♪ Give me love
That lasts a life ♪
269
00:11:11,339 --> 00:11:15,218
♪ A love where we can build
A home ♪
270
00:11:15,301 --> 00:11:17,220
♪ I need a big, strong man ♪
271
00:11:17,303 --> 00:11:22,016
♪ Who sees exactly what
The future holds ♪
272
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:23,684
♪ Who knows our fairytale... ♪
273
00:11:23,768 --> 00:11:27,355
I have found
the love of my life!
274
00:11:27,438 --> 00:11:29,690
-[fly buzzing]
-Well, the love of my past life!
275
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:32,693
Well, the... the... the love
of my life in the past!
276
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:35,029
God damn you, you stupid fly!
277
00:11:35,113 --> 00:11:39,075
Enjoy my reckoning! [grunts]
278
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,582
-[yells]
-You motherfucker!
279
00:11:46,666 --> 00:11:48,458
-[yelling]
-[clattering]
280
00:11:48,543 --> 00:11:51,129
Oop! Sounds like
the fun started downstairs.
281
00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:53,965
Hey, babe, I found
this thing in the attic.
282
00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:55,383
Where did you get that?
283
00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:57,051
It's a long story
involving an ice cream truck.
284
00:11:57,135 --> 00:11:58,386
You went to see my brother?
285
00:11:58,469 --> 00:12:00,054
Wow! Babe,
you're a great guesser.
286
00:12:00,138 --> 00:12:01,848
How could you do that to me?
287
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:06,018
I have told you a million times
to stop asking about my family!
288
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:07,979
I was just trying to do
something nice for you.
289
00:12:08,062 --> 00:12:09,313
How can we live together
290
00:12:09,397 --> 00:12:10,773
if I don't know basic things
about you?
291
00:12:10,857 --> 00:12:13,401
Like, um, maybe how
your parents died
292
00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:15,820
at the bar we own
and live above.
293
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,573
Wow, you're a little
know-it-all, aren't you?
294
00:12:18,656 --> 00:12:21,242
I guess Kite Man
knows everything.
295
00:12:21,284 --> 00:12:23,995
Literally the first time
anyone has ever said that.
296
00:12:24,078 --> 00:12:25,413
Because you don't!
297
00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:26,914
Do you want to know
what actually happened?
298
00:12:26,956 --> 00:12:28,583
Yes! More than anything.
299
00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:30,126
Ugh! [inhales deeply]
300
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:32,962
-I was five years old.
-[Lawrence] You dumb bitch.
301
00:12:33,046 --> 00:12:34,505
My parents were doing
their favorite thing
302
00:12:34,589 --> 00:12:37,133
in their favorite place,
fighting in a bar.
303
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:38,551
...I'll tell you that.
304
00:12:38,593 --> 00:12:40,303
If I could go back in time
and stop myself
305
00:12:40,386 --> 00:12:42,096
from knocking you up
in the bathroom
306
00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:43,473
at the Slap and Wash,
307
00:12:43,556 --> 00:12:45,433
I could have married
someone actually hot
308
00:12:45,475 --> 00:12:47,602
like Ally Ringwald
or Molly Sheedy.
309
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:50,104
Lawrence, you shithead,
you're making a scene.
310
00:12:50,188 --> 00:12:52,774
[Golden Glider]
I had just gotten my first pair of ice skates.
311
00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:55,068
Hey, Mom, Dad! Stop fighting!
312
00:12:55,109 --> 00:12:56,944
-Watch me skate!
-[woman] You're a loser.
313
00:12:57,028 --> 00:12:58,571
-I said stop fighting!
-[woman] You're a drunk.
314
00:12:58,613 --> 00:12:59,906
You've had enough!
315
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,449
-[woman grunts]
-[Lawrence] Stupid bitch!
316
00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:04,202
[whimpers, sniffles]
317
00:13:04,285 --> 00:13:06,704
Fast forward, I blacked out,
and when I came to,
318
00:13:06,788 --> 00:13:09,957
I had used my powers
for the first time... [sobs]
319
00:13:09,999 --> 00:13:12,460
-...killing my parents.
-Oh, no.
320
00:13:12,543 --> 00:13:15,129
So, you see why I'm not excited
about a photo taken
321
00:13:15,171 --> 00:13:17,673
right before I destroyed
my family?
322
00:13:17,757 --> 00:13:18,966
Babe, I...
323
00:13:19,801 --> 00:13:21,010
You were just a kid.
324
00:13:21,094 --> 00:13:23,679
You didn't mean
to do any of that.
325
00:13:23,763 --> 00:13:26,974
Why did you want to buy the bar
where you killed--
326
00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:28,976
Well, where your parents died.
327
00:13:29,018 --> 00:13:31,979
I thought I could start over
and replace the shitty memories
328
00:13:32,021 --> 00:13:33,689
from my childhood
with happy ones.
329
00:13:33,773 --> 00:13:35,149
Babe, I love you,
330
00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:37,693
but is it possible
that shelling out ten milli
331
00:13:37,777 --> 00:13:39,153
to buy
the parent-death-trap bar
332
00:13:39,195 --> 00:13:41,239
is not the path to healing?
333
00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,366
Maybe we shouldn't
run Noonan's.
334
00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:44,492
[sighs]
335
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:46,828
Moving in together
was a giant mistake.
336
00:13:46,911 --> 00:13:48,579
[sobbing]
337
00:13:48,663 --> 00:13:49,705
I need to get some air.
338
00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:52,291
Ugh! Just forget it!
339
00:13:54,711 --> 00:13:56,421
[sighs]
340
00:13:58,589 --> 00:14:01,092
[Bane grunting]
341
00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:04,011
"Your clothes,
give them to me now."
342
00:14:04,095 --> 00:14:05,430
Excuse me?
343
00:14:05,471 --> 00:14:06,723
Terminator? No?
344
00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:09,809
[chuckles] I'm more
of a Predator gal anyway.
345
00:14:09,851 --> 00:14:11,352
A sexual predator.
346
00:14:11,394 --> 00:14:14,355
Whoa! I don't think that means
what you think it means.
347
00:14:14,439 --> 00:14:16,816
Well, I think
I know what it means,
348
00:14:16,858 --> 00:14:18,443
that you just killed
my boyfriend.
349
00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:20,528
[Bane] The fly
is your boyfriend?
350
00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:22,113
Not anymore.
351
00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:23,614
[gasps] Uh-oh.
352
00:14:23,698 --> 00:14:27,660
The lemon wedge from my drink
fell into my tits.
353
00:14:27,702 --> 00:14:30,329
Want a whiff?
354
00:14:30,371 --> 00:14:31,873
♪ Fairytale will be... ♪
355
00:14:31,956 --> 00:14:33,666
[Bane] I must speak to her.
356
00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:35,043
Rebecca Chen?
357
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,336
I'd be careful about that.
She's married.
358
00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:40,923
Of course an angel like her
is taken.
359
00:14:41,007 --> 00:14:42,550
I feel bad for that broad.
360
00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:45,053
I'd hate getting stuck
with kids.
361
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:47,597
That's why I got a bug zapper
in my cooch.
362
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,015
Uh, hello!
363
00:14:49,057 --> 00:14:51,559
Your singing is magical.
364
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:53,269
You are so sweet.
365
00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,146
And I love that tank top.
366
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,565
Jesus Christ,
I'm going to marry this woman!
367
00:14:57,607 --> 00:15:00,902
-I'm sorry, what?
-Uh, I said, Jesus Christ!
368
00:15:00,985 --> 00:15:02,445
-Can I buy you a drink?
-[chuckles]
369
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:04,280
-Hey, Lisa.
-[Lisa chuckles]
370
00:15:04,363 --> 00:15:06,074
-Look here!
-[groans] Hey!
371
00:15:06,157 --> 00:15:07,575
Quit it, you jerk!
372
00:15:07,658 --> 00:15:09,035
[chuckles] Got ya.
373
00:15:09,077 --> 00:15:11,245
-Your children are adorbs.
-Meh.
374
00:15:11,287 --> 00:15:14,332
In fact, this one reminds me
of a little Golden Glider.
375
00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:16,876
Golden Glider? That name's rad!
376
00:15:16,918 --> 00:15:19,754
Leonard, you gotta call me
Golden Glider from now on.
377
00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:23,633
♪ I wish I lived on a boat
Or a ship! ♪
378
00:15:23,716 --> 00:15:26,052
OMG, she is Golden Glider!
379
00:15:26,094 --> 00:15:27,428
Daddy!
380
00:15:36,813 --> 00:15:37,939
WTF.
381
00:15:38,022 --> 00:15:40,024
What is Bane doing
in this picture?
382
00:15:40,108 --> 00:15:42,443
He hasn't aged a day. [gasps]
383
00:15:42,485 --> 00:15:43,611
Wait a minute.
384
00:15:43,694 --> 00:15:46,072
The wall, the writing,
the writing on the wall,
385
00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:47,990
the letters and the words,
the writing.
386
00:15:48,074 --> 00:15:49,450
Bane is stuck in the past
387
00:15:49,534 --> 00:15:53,037
on the same day
that Glider kills her parents!
388
00:15:55,164 --> 00:15:56,457
[laughing]
389
00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:59,377
So then I 'sploded him!
390
00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:02,880
[chuckles weakly]
Isn't that hilarious?
391
00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:04,132
-Rebecca?
-I'm sorry.
392
00:16:04,215 --> 00:16:05,967
It's just...
It's been a long day,
393
00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:07,969
and my shitbag husband
doesn't--
394
00:16:08,052 --> 00:16:09,846
I can explode him for you
if you like.
395
00:16:09,929 --> 00:16:12,265
Whoa. Totally radical.
396
00:16:12,306 --> 00:16:14,726
Kite Man! Think about it.
397
00:16:14,809 --> 00:16:16,060
You came back to save me.
398
00:16:16,144 --> 00:16:18,229
However,
I do not need rescuing.
399
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,481
I have found my true love.
400
00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:23,317
I don't have time for this.
401
00:16:23,359 --> 00:16:24,527
I have a plan,
and I need your help.
402
00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:26,612
Anything!
What are best friends for?
403
00:16:26,654 --> 00:16:27,655
Oh... Best friends?
404
00:16:27,739 --> 00:16:29,657
Well, okay. All right.
Well, yeah.
405
00:16:29,699 --> 00:16:32,410
Uh, anyway, I need
to chat with you privately.
406
00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:34,871
Anything for my best dawg!
407
00:16:34,954 --> 00:16:36,956
-Okay.
-Kaboom sound!
408
00:16:36,998 --> 00:16:38,124
Great.
409
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,625
I came back here to stop Glider
410
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:41,961
from killing her parents,
thus saving her childhood,
411
00:16:42,003 --> 00:16:43,254
thus healing
her lifelong trauma,
412
00:16:43,337 --> 00:16:44,672
hence saving our relationship
413
00:16:44,714 --> 00:16:46,758
all in one fell scoop!
Or do I mean swoop?
414
00:16:46,841 --> 00:16:49,343
God, I miss Glider so much.
She always knows what I mean.
415
00:16:49,385 --> 00:16:52,430
Golden Glider is going to kill
her super-hot mom
416
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:54,182
who I've just fallen
in love with?
417
00:16:54,265 --> 00:16:56,350
No, I just told you,
we're stopping it.
418
00:16:56,392 --> 00:16:59,353
But changing the the past
has consequences.
419
00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:02,815
But on the other hand,
if Golden Glider's father dies,
420
00:17:02,857 --> 00:17:05,693
that is one less obstacle
I have to overcome
421
00:17:05,735 --> 00:17:08,946
to being with Becca,
because I'm going to save her.
422
00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:10,573
BT-dubs, I call her Becca.
423
00:17:10,656 --> 00:17:13,993
I'm thinking at some point
it will be relaxed to Becs.
424
00:17:14,035 --> 00:17:15,453
But we are not there yet.
425
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,912
You are just gonna have
to figure out another way
426
00:17:16,996 --> 00:17:18,081
to get rid of Glider's dad.
427
00:17:18,164 --> 00:17:19,498
So, now I have to wait
428
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:22,334
for a trial separation
and then a divorce?
429
00:17:22,377 --> 00:17:24,837
Do you know how long
that can take?
430
00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:27,423
It will drag out to 1993!
431
00:17:27,507 --> 00:17:30,218
Ugh, Chuck was just trying
to do a nice thing,
432
00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,929
and now you dumbass
ruined move-in day.
433
00:17:33,012 --> 00:17:33,971
[Captain Cold] I rule!
434
00:17:34,055 --> 00:17:35,890
Ha!
435
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:37,308
Welcome back, roomie!
436
00:17:37,392 --> 00:17:39,435
What are you doing here?
437
00:17:39,519 --> 00:17:40,728
I thought you were living
438
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:41,979
in a kiddie-diddler
ice cream van.
439
00:17:42,063 --> 00:17:43,481
Kite Dude didn't tell you?
440
00:17:43,564 --> 00:17:45,358
He gave me the green light
to move in with you guys.
441
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,734
Said he was ecstatic.
442
00:17:46,818 --> 00:17:49,028
Yeah, he doesn't know
what ecstatic means.
443
00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:50,905
-Now get the hell out!
-No problem.
444
00:17:50,988 --> 00:17:52,198
I'll just stay
with Mom and Dad.
445
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,409
Oh, wait! I can't
because you killed them.
446
00:17:54,492 --> 00:17:57,578
Fuck you! Where's Kite Man?
447
00:17:59,163 --> 00:18:00,581
"Hey, babe, I'm in the '80s.
448
00:18:00,665 --> 00:18:03,710
Gonna stop you from killing
your parents. BRB"?
449
00:18:03,751 --> 00:18:06,337
"PS, please DVR Young Sheldon."
450
00:18:06,421 --> 00:18:08,381
Oh, Chuck, what have you done?
451
00:18:08,423 --> 00:18:10,508
Ha! Kite Dude is gonna die
452
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:12,218
trying to change
your childhood.
453
00:18:12,260 --> 00:18:14,429
And you're the one
who's gonna kill him.
454
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:16,431
-[laughs, groans]
-[grunts]
455
00:18:16,472 --> 00:18:17,932
-Cheap shot!
-Oh, shut up!
456
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:19,892
Now I'm gonna be
in the bathroom
457
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,102
for as long as it takes.
458
00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:23,730
Gross! [groans]
459
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,275
-[Lawrence] ...if I could
stop myself... -[grunts]
460
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:29,277
...from knocking you up
at the bathroom at the Slap and Wash,
461
00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:31,362
-I could have married
someone actually hot... -Oh, my God.
462
00:18:31,446 --> 00:18:32,780
-...like Ally Ringwald.
-This was that day.
463
00:18:32,822 --> 00:18:35,450
-Or Molly Sheedy!
-Lawrence, you shithead.
464
00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:36,909
You're making a scene.
465
00:18:36,951 --> 00:18:40,830
Hey, Mom, Dad! Stop fighting!
Watch me skate!
466
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:42,331
I said stop fighting!
467
00:18:42,415 --> 00:18:43,624
Yeah, asshole!
468
00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:45,293
How hard is it
to watch her skate?
469
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:46,836
[Rebecca] You've had enough.
470
00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:47,962
-Stupid bitch!
-[groans]
471
00:18:48,004 --> 00:18:49,964
-[gasps]
-Becca!
472
00:18:50,006 --> 00:18:51,716
[gasps]
473
00:18:51,799 --> 00:18:53,718
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Calm down, calm down.
474
00:18:53,801 --> 00:18:55,219
Everything's gonna
be all right.
475
00:18:55,303 --> 00:18:56,763
Oh, no, Chuck! No!
476
00:18:56,804 --> 00:18:59,015
-Oh, no! What's happening?
-[Kite Man] Oh, no, no!
477
00:18:59,098 --> 00:19:01,225
-Just don't...
-[all screaming]
478
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:04,771
[grunts]
479
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:08,983
[all screaming]
480
00:19:15,364 --> 00:19:17,116
Babe, you saved me.
481
00:19:17,158 --> 00:19:18,993
Babe, of course I did.
482
00:19:19,035 --> 00:19:20,369
But I didn't save your parents.
483
00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:21,662
Thus, I didn't save
your whole childhood.
484
00:19:21,704 --> 00:19:23,539
Hence your trauma
remains not erased.
485
00:19:23,623 --> 00:19:25,917
Oh, my shitty childhood
isn't what matters.
486
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,919
What matters is now.
487
00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:29,837
And you are my now.
488
00:19:30,505 --> 00:19:32,131
What... happened?
489
00:19:32,173 --> 00:19:34,425
Oh, my God,
I didn't kill my mom!
490
00:19:34,509 --> 00:19:37,178
I'm batting 500! Hell, yeah!
491
00:19:37,261 --> 00:19:39,514
Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
492
00:19:39,597 --> 00:19:40,807
So am I.
493
00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:42,183
Do I know you?
494
00:19:42,266 --> 00:19:44,268
No, but you will.
495
00:19:44,352 --> 00:19:46,145
I just wanted to-- Oh!
496
00:19:46,187 --> 00:19:47,688
[both chuckle]
497
00:19:47,730 --> 00:19:51,526
Oh, I hope you live
the life you've always wanted.
498
00:19:54,404 --> 00:19:56,531
Babe, you are super cute.
499
00:19:56,614 --> 00:19:58,783
Hey, if you ever meet a guy
named Eddie McGhee
500
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:01,536
and he tells you
he's allergic to condoms,
501
00:20:01,577 --> 00:20:03,830
do not believe him.
502
00:20:07,417 --> 00:20:09,419
Babe, I can't tinkle
with you staring at me.
503
00:20:09,502 --> 00:20:11,462
Babe, we're roommates now.
504
00:20:11,546 --> 00:20:13,506
I assumed we'd have
an open door pee policy.
505
00:20:13,548 --> 00:20:15,258
Uh, babe, no, we don't.
506
00:20:15,341 --> 00:20:17,385
And we never will.
Please, turn around.
507
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:19,846
[urinating]
508
00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:28,771
[sighs] Feels good to be home.
509
00:20:28,855 --> 00:20:31,566
I know it's not a boat, babe,
but it's ours.
510
00:20:31,649 --> 00:20:34,652
Yeah, who needs a boat
when you have a kite?
511
00:20:36,112 --> 00:20:37,572
[machine whirring]
512
00:20:39,574 --> 00:20:40,992
Heard of knocking?
513
00:20:41,075 --> 00:20:42,201
Are those margaritas
514
00:20:42,243 --> 00:20:44,287
that you spilled
all over my bed?
515
00:20:44,370 --> 00:20:45,830
You are fucking worthless.
516
00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:48,207
Get out! Go live with Mom now
since we just saved her.
517
00:20:48,249 --> 00:20:49,500
What are you talking about?
518
00:20:49,584 --> 00:20:51,377
You killed her and Dad,
you psycho!
519
00:20:51,419 --> 00:20:53,296
What? No. Mom didn't die.
520
00:20:53,379 --> 00:20:55,298
Well, then where is she?
521
00:20:58,468 --> 00:21:00,803
My love, even though
I was warned
522
00:21:00,887 --> 00:21:04,265
that changing the future
could have dire consequences,
523
00:21:04,307 --> 00:21:06,059
I said, "Fuck it!"
524
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:10,480
I'm staying right here to live
happily ever after with you.
525
00:21:10,563 --> 00:21:11,522
Yeah, whatever.
526
00:21:11,606 --> 00:21:13,483
Now that my husband is gone,
527
00:21:13,566 --> 00:21:15,735
It's like
that random woman said,
528
00:21:15,777 --> 00:21:19,322
I can live the life
I've always wanted.
529
00:21:19,405 --> 00:21:21,532
[laughing] Yes! Yes!
530
00:21:21,616 --> 00:21:23,242
-Yes!
-But your children?
531
00:21:23,284 --> 00:21:25,536
[grunts] Where is my mom?
532
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:28,748
-Uh, she is not here.
-What do you mean?
533
00:21:28,790 --> 00:21:31,375
She certainly
did not abandon you.
534
00:21:31,459 --> 00:21:34,295
It's much better news
than that.
535
00:21:34,337 --> 00:21:36,881
She, uh, died in the 'splosion!
536
00:21:36,923 --> 00:21:38,716
-What?
-Okay.
537
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,676
I gotta get back to the future.
538
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,471
I sure as shit
am not doing two sequels
539
00:21:43,554 --> 00:21:44,972
to this damn story.
540
00:21:48,684 --> 00:21:50,812
Where are the pictures
of my mom?
541
00:21:52,146 --> 00:21:53,815
[grunting]
542
00:21:53,898 --> 00:21:56,484
There is literally nothing here
to indicate that she's alive.
543
00:21:56,567 --> 00:21:58,778
What the fuck happened to her?
544
00:22:03,324 --> 00:22:07,578
[grunting]
545
00:22:10,832 --> 00:22:13,710
-[groaning]
-[sinister laughter]
546
00:22:17,797 --> 00:22:20,007
[theme music playing]
547
00:22:46,617 --> 00:22:48,870
♪ Hell, yeah! ♪
548
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:53,470
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