Original subtitles

*** Subtitles by dylux ***

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Oh. Sorry.

Hi. Uh, where's your bathroom?

It's for customers only.

Oh. Okay, I'll-I'll buy something.

You got to pay up there.

Can't I just go now? I really have to pee.

I've got a large cappuccino for Skyler!

Thanks.

Um, I also kind of-- well, no, I...

I know that, uh, establishments that serve food or drink

must be open to the public

regardless of their purchasing class.

Sorry, it's our policy.

Store policy can't really supersede state law.

Please? It's an emergency.

Caramel latte for Miranda!

Uh, honey?

About to order. Do you want your usual?

Uh...

My wife would like a double espresso.

Although you've had trouble sleeping lately, right, babe?

Maybe we should back it off to a single.

You kept the light on till, like, midnight last night.

I did, didn't I?

Yeah, so maybe I'll just have a peppermint tea with two sugars.

Thanks, husband.

Oh, and the bread. It's grilled cheese night.

And she is part of

the purchasing class, so can we get the bathroom key?

Thank you.

Thank you. That was really nice.

Happy to.

You know a lot about bathroom law.

Hmm. It was a short chapter.

Thank you.

Oh.

I'll have your tea waiting for you.

Can't leave my wife.

Oh.

Okay.

That's great.

I will...

see you on the other side of...

Halle, I just met this guy,

and-- I don't know-- it was something.

Well, I know it's been a while, but I'm pretty sure.

He bought me a tea.

And then he might have just stole my coat.

But what do I do?

Well, no.

This is the time that I'm supposed to be meeting people

and doing things.

Halle, I got to call you back.

Goddamn it.

Hot!

Are-are you okay?

Big time!

I am, uh, I'm big-time okay!

I just hadn't peed for, like, the last six hours,

and I just started this new internship,

and I-I didn't want to ask anyone where the bathroom was

'cause I don't want them to think I was, uh,

weak and not a problem solver.

Okay.

And by the way, it is not weak to ask where the bathroom is.

Every human does it. It's very, very normal.

Yeah.

Okay.

Peppermint tea, two sugars.

Thank you.

And thanks for, uh, not stealing my coat.

Oh.

Bye.

Thank you.

Oh, hey.

Uh, um, you...

So are you gonna ask me out now?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

I'm Ben.

I'm Bea.

So if we were getting attacked by giant spiders,

you would not be able to protect us?

- No, no. You-You'd be dead. - What?

- Yeah, absolutely. - You would let me die?

I'm not gonna let you die.

I'm just gonna survive.

I'm sorry. You're right, you're right, you're right.

♪ Didn't I? ♪

I was a gymnast.

- Gymnast? - Yes, for like five years.

I got, like, sixth place on beam.

- Sixth place? - Yes.

- Got a ribbon. - I'm impressed.

- Everybody gets a ribbon. - That's great.

♪ Didn't I do right? ♪

All right, wait to cool down--

- You just saw me take it off... - Oh, fuck, that's hot.

- ...the burning stove. - Oh, my God.

If you're gonna be a lawyer, you got to understand

negligence and breach and...

McDonald's versus that lady's... habeas corpus.

You used none of those terms properly.

How do you know? You're not a lawyer yet.

It's not too late to choose a more noble profession.

Oh, like you?

You're right. Stick with it.

I'm gonna need a lawyer at some point.

I don't even know if I want to be a lawyer.

I cannot believe I just said that out loud.

I'm sorry. My life is a disaster right now.

Might be turning a corner.

You just met me.

Or I might end up in a suitcase.

I mean, look at this place.

Looks like every serial killer reenactment documentary.

Why do you have a giant wrench?

Okay, it wouldn't be a suitcase.

It'd be a carry-on, 'cause you're zero feet tall.

And my mom gave me that.

She said no matter how broken something is,

there's always a way to fix it.

I'm sorry. I don't know why

I'm talking to you about my mom right now.

All right. Then tell me about that.

That...

- Mm-hmm. - ...is a long story.

Everybody survived.

Great.

♪ Didn't I do it right? ♪

♪ Why you wanna leave me, baby? ♪

God, Halle.

I don't know. This guy is fucking great.

Yo, let's go, Benny.

Come on, cupcake. We gonna be late.

Sup, Pete?

No way. You cooked?

That girl you blew me off for stayed over?

He asked me out, and then I kind of asked him out,

and then we just walked around the city,

and we fell asleep talking.

I don't know. I left before he could wake up.

I don't know why. Yeah, wh...

Why did I?

What the fuck am I doing?

Okay, I love you. Bye. I-I'm so sorry I woke you up.

I didn't-- This-this whole thing is so new to me.

Bye.

You got cheese and bread.

You didn't miss one ingredient.

What you doing with that?

Why you got the giant wrench?

You told her about your mom, bro?

You don't tell nobody about your mom.

Fuck, dawg. You in love, man.

About fucking time, man.

My boy's in love. Fuck that.

I couldn't get her out of here fast enough.

This girl's a disaster.

She's a nothing.

♪ Wanna get a mansion, a Jacuzzi ♪

♪ A theater to watch my movies ♪

♪ Couple whips and lots of fancy things ♪

♪ The kids they call the Goonies ♪

♪ I see the future, crystal ball ♪

♪ Mirror, mirror, hanging on the wall ♪

♪ Got your girlfriend screening all the calls ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Honey, I need you round... ♪

Pete! Hey!

Claudia! Halle!

There we go.

Benny.

Hey, what's up, queen?

Ben, this is Halle, my new girlfriend.

Are we saying that now?

Uh, yeah. Is that cool?

Yeah, I mean, I don't really like labels,

but I like you a whole bunch.

I like your friend a whole bunch,

and if she wants to put a label on me,

then she can sew it on wherever she wants.

That was weird. That was weird.

Um, I'm not into S&M or anything like that.

Unless you are, which would be totally cool, you know?

You do you.

Well, she really likes you, too.

And that is very rare for her.

Oh, look who's talking.

How's the crowd in here tonight?

Over there, big boy.

- Oh, Bea! - You ladies like dumplings?

We just had the greatest dumplings.

Pete, meet my sister.

This is, um, Pete, Claudia's brother.

Nice to meet you. And, uh, Ben.

Ben.

This is Ben. We all grew up together.

Hey.

Yeah.

You two know each other?

Yeah. We've met.

Barely.

Wow, that's so random. I'm gonna go grab a drink.

Door's that way, if you're looking to sneak out.

I know that's your thing.

Well, I am a disaster.

Let's go, uh... away from this.

Yeah.

So, you a lawyer yet?

Why? Do you need a defense attorney?

No, just curious how you passed the class on ethics

and not bailing on people.

I think that's the jerk who Bea got with

when she was on her break from Jonathan.

No way.

So Bea's the coffee girl who ghosted him?

I thought she looked familiar, but I don't see faces.

I just see souls.

At least he made her realize

that Jonathan was the one.

- I'm engaged now. - Good for you.

Where are you registered? I'll buy you a broomstick.

I'll send you an invite.

You still live at 28 Fuckboy Lane?

You do remember. See? It did mean something to you.

You'll always be my rock bottom.

- The night I spent with a bitch. - Did she just call him a "bitch"?

You think they're gonna physically fight?

Or fuck.

It's a fine line.

Let's just get through tonight for them, okay?

Well, she's your sister.

I'm sure the relationship won't last long.

She's your friend.

I question why they're even together.

Then I'm gonna get a drink

and toast to never seeing you again.

Cheers to that, bro.

So before I pronounce this newlywed couple,

if anyone has an issue with these two wonderful people

joining together in holy matrimony,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

- I have an objection. - Leo, don't do this.

I have to, Innie.

- It's just not right. - Come on.

There's no way I can bless this union...

without their friends and family joining us to celebrate.

In Australia!

We're getting married in Sydney!

♪ Shit gets weird when you talk about it ♪

♪ Lit in line, smile for the photo ID ♪

♪ Inside, that's where... ♪

Welcome aboard. 2K? To the front.

Thank you, Charlotte.

51E?

- How long's the flight? - 16 hours.

51F?

Thanks.

73F? All the way to the back.

Thank you.

♪ Lit in line, smile for the photo ID ♪

♪ Inside, that's where we can be free ♪

♪ Your highness ♪

♪ Caught you sipping on lean ♪

♪ Reminds me ♪

♪ That's how it's supposed to be. ♪

Hey.

Headed to the wedding?

Of my sister? Yes, I am.

How crazy is it that we're on the same plane?

Don't think there's thousands of flights

flying to Sydney every day.

Oh, there's quite a few, actually.

Qantas, American, Qantas through Dubai, some codeshares.

Serendipity, I guess.

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

So where's your fiancé? Wait, is this him?

Hey, I'm Ben. I was her hall pass on your break.

- What? - Oh, my God.

I forgot.

Claud told me you dumped him.

Did you sneak out on your wedding day?

Wow, you are a child.

It's a pretty long flight.

Do you want anything from the front of the boat?

Hot cookie? Eye mask? Pajamas?

Last ten years of your life?

No, thank you.

I'm all good on creatine and small-dick insecurity.

Nothing small about me.

What the fuck?

- Have a good flight. - I'm so sorry.

See you there.

Why do so many of us feel stuck?

How is it

even the very successful

often feel like there is something missing

from their lives?

Why do so many people spend years

wistfully thinking about choices they might have made?

One answer to that problem...

Many of us are leading lives that are misaligned

with our own deepest values and preferences.

Thank you so much for joining me today on "Hidden Brain:

"What Psychology Can Teach Us

About Living Our Most Authentic Lives."

♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪

♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪

♪ Today is where your book begins ♪

♪ The rest is still unwritten... ♪

What the fuck?

Passengers who've just arrived,

- welcome to Sydney. - Hey, Benny!

Ben-dejo!

- Pete. - Okay, Ben, looking good.

Thanks for picking me up, dude.

Not just you, my guy.

- Spelling Bea! - Pete!

Our sisters are getting married. How dope is that?

- I know. I'm so excited. - Oh, great.

All right, let's hit it.

Thank you. I hope you have a wonderful vacation.

I wish you all the best for the Mid-Autumn Festival.

Bye.

Y'all ready for Australia?

- ♪ 'Cause you make me ♪ - ♪ Sick ♪

- ♪ And I make you ♪ - ♪ Sick... ♪

Can't wait for y'all to see where we staying.

The pad is so dope.

We're all staying at the same place?

Yep. My stepdad's house.

Super important for them

to keep the wedding party together.

Seems like a piece of information

that could have been shared a little earlier.

Well, that's because they think you guys hate each other,

so they didn't want to poke the bear.

♪ Blame it on you ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Blame it on you ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Okay, a-one, two, three ♪

♪ I know that everybody has their thing ♪

♪ Yours was a-trying to take a half of me ♪

♪ I was a-heavier before I met you... ♪

We made it, y'all!

This is the house.

Let's go!

Not bad, right?

You don't even play tennis.

I know, but I still swing.

- Hi! - Hey!

Klonopin.

Hey, meet Klonopin, y'all. Meet Klonopin.

- Hey! - Hi.

Yeah. Hey, meet Klonopin.

Roll over.

Roll over. Spin, spin, spin.

It's the only member of the family who's trained.

Okay, I'll see you in a bit.

Whoa.

You're right. This place is insane.

All right, let's get some sand under your feet.

- Come on, baby. - Let's go.

Have you guys made up?

- All good. - We're fine

if he just stays away from me.

Don't need an invitation for that.

I think you do.

I feel like you can't leave me alone.

Same reason I slow down at a car crash.

Okay, so you guys

buried the hatchet, water under the bridge,

two adults adulting like fucking adults.

Oh, we did have a little bit of a last-minute snafu, though.

You guys are gonna have to share a room.

Uh, there's only one bed, but we hung a shower curtain

- in the middle, so I-I-- - Okay, she's kidding.

- Really, Halle? - You're funny.

I can't wait any longer.

Wait for me!

Halle is such a goof.

She's good for you.

You could use some spontaneity.

Hey.

This weekend is gonna be perfect.

I hope so.

I have a million contingencies and scenarios for everything.

And honestly, I just want this wedding

to be beautiful because I love the shit out of her

and I just want to marry the bitch.

- You know what I'm saying? - You're such a romantic.

Ha!

Hey, don't be mad at me, but, um, Margaret's here.

Why would I be mad? She lives here.

- I was 100% expecting to see her. - Yeah.

Margaret!

- Hey, what-- - Margaret, look who's here.

There she is.

One hundred percent.

Go rip off the Band-Aid.

- Ben! - How's it going, stranger?

I was hoping you'd come.

I wanted to message you, but I didn't know

how you'd feel about hearing from me.

Are you kidding?

I'm never leaving.

Never leave!

How are Mom and Dad?

They're good, you know?

Mom now thinks she's Australian,

and Dad's not at all pointing out

every tiny little detail that's different here.

They're also a little worried

how you're gonna react to all this.

What are you talking about?

Well, you know, everybody thought

that you'd be the one getting married first.

You always used to talk about your wedding growing up.

You would use the toilet paper as a wedding dress

when I just used it to dress like a mummy, you know?

Halle, stop.

That's not me anymore.

I'm free now. I'm deprogrammed.

But that does not mean I don't support you

and your misguided view that soulmates exist.

That's sweet. That gonna be your toast?

You and Claudia are the exception.

And I'm really happy for you, for real.

Okay.

- What's going on over there? - That's Claudia's cousin.

She visited the States a few years back.

They dated, no biggie.

Broke up with him, crushed his heart.

No way. That man does not have a heart.

Feels like forever ago.

- We were babies. - I'm really happy you're here.

We can reconnect as...

maybe not babies.

I would love that.

Beau!

Come meet my mate.

- Ben, this is my partner Beau. - Hey, mate.

Like, tennis partner?

Well, sometimes after.

How do you two dags know each other?

We had a bit of a go back when, didn't we?

Did you now? Good on ya.

Hey, uh, we're gonna go troppo this weekend.

Get on the turps out here, eh? It's gonna be a cracker.

You know it.

Yeah.

- Great guy. - Yeaah.

Honey!

Hey, Beatrice.

- Dad! Hey. - You made it.

- Hi, baby. - Hey, honey.

- Oh, my God. - Hey, Mom.

- How's our future lawyer? - Great.

- Great. - How's the trip been?

Oh, magical.

The Australians are all wonderful.

And excuse me, but good looking.

- Oh. - But why are they so weird about their plugs?

I mean, this place is basically America.

They speak English. They eat regular food.

They have a complicated relationship with their past.

How are you doing, honey?

You doing okay?

I'm doing great!

My big sister's getting married.

Could've been you.

Could still be you someday.

Have you heard from Jonathan?

- Did he call or anything? - Well, that didn't take long.

We're just torn up that he's not part of our family anymore.

I mean, he was at our house every night

- from like 11 years old. - So cute.

He was basically family

and was about to be actual family.

If I never ask you for anything ever again,

will you please just lay off of me this weekend?

We just want both of our daughters to be happy.

I'm very happy, but not when you guys do this.

Nudge you in the right direction?

He's such a great guy.

Just think on it, yeah?

Bea!

Dinner at 7:30, okay?

Yeah! Yeah.

Ben, all set for dinner, yeah?

Yeah, I'll be there.

Well, I was plagiarizing, but--

- Hey! - Hey, Ben's here.

- Hey, Ben. - Okay, okay.

Everybody!

- Dad, the speech. - Oh, yes, right.

Okay, so we're gonna make this short

because you've all traveled a bloody long distance,

and Carol and I are so appreciative.

- Mm. - The biggest thing we've missed

since coming back from the States

- is not seeing our kids. - Mm.

And you lot, our extended family.

So we're just over the moon

to have a full house before the wedding on Sunday.

Where we will celebrate Halle and Claudia setting off

on this crazy thing called life.

And of course, Innie and Leo, our new family.

Well, we're just so grateful,

not only for your incredible hospitality

but for bringing into the world your beautiful daughter.

So, as they say in our country,

"Abbondanza!"

- Cheers! - Cheers, cheers!

- Yay, cheers! - Cheers!

Now, baby.

Wow!

♪ Missing your connection ♪

♪ Moving in the right direction... ♪

Don't trust. It's a big sport.

♪ Have I made the right impression ♪

♪ When I show love and affection... ♪

What classes are you loving?

Have you given any more thought to tort law?

Because class action is really where it's at right now.

What does Jonathan say? He knows you pretty well.

What does he think you should do?

- Mom. - Okay.

I can't even remember why we put you in the trunk again.

We didn't put her in the trunk. She stowed away in the trunk.

Yeah, I wanted to go with you guys to see Cinderella.

We were going to Coachella.

I know that now. I was nine.

All right, everyone, so sage is meant

to cleanse negative energy.

Let's just have a moment to calm ourselves.

I am not looking at anybody in particular,

but I am looking at you, Bea.

And you, Ben.

Crown chakra.

Let's hit that cobra.

Cleanse.

- Get that weasel. - Okay.

- Go! - You go. Go, go, go, go, go.

- "Sign of the Times." - I got it.

- All right, all right, four words. - Four words.

First word. "The," "a," "of," "if"?

Animosity. Hate. Liar.

- Five words. - No, just shut the fuck up.

The Bible.

- A woman, a woman... - Love balls.

A woman who uses her sexuality

to take advantage of other people.

Mom, focus, okay? Right here. Right here.

This is a white people's game.

Y'all spend so much time trying to trick each other.

Y'all got so much time on your hands.

Just say the word!

- "Midsummer Night's Dream." - "Grumpy Old Men."

- Hi. - Hi.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, okay.

- You... - Fuckboy.

Old Catwoman.

Your ego.

Wait, no props.

Oh, who cares? No one can see us.

Oh, a cheater. Shocking.

Says the woman who cheated on her fiancé.

We were on a break, asshole.

You're either broken up for good or you're cheating.

Either way, someone's lying to someone.

I must have really gotten under your skin.

Roger, what is this?

A spat. A fight. Uh...

What is the thing I'm holding in my hand?

- Firework! - "Firework" by Katy Perry.

- That is not fair. - Hey.

What? You're not fair.

What's wrong with you? Give this to me.

Just stop. Just... What are you doing?

- What is... Oh, oh, God. - Stop!

- Oh, God! - What the...

Halle!

- Get back! - Dad!

Roger!

I've got this.

That's some gangsta shit right there.

Sorry.

They're going to ruin our wedding.

All that matters is that we're together.

It's true.

Look, baby, I love you to the moon and back,

but those two fuckwads are going to destroy our weekend.

And our memories,

which we are gonna have for a very long time,

are headed straight over a cliff.

It's gonna be fine, baby.

We just have to stand there and profess our love.

It seems to me their animus only surfaced

after they spent a night together. Am I accurate?

That's usually how it goes, honey.

We crumple our feelings into a ball

and shove 'em deep down so we can enjoy a bit of frisk.

The solution appears to be simple, then.

We return them to the night they were smitten.

Like, we trick them into falling in love with each other?

We didn't say anything about love, honey.

We just need to get them to jump each other's bones.

♪ I took the long way ♪

♪ Back on my feet ♪

♪ Across town with crooked legs ♪

♪ And staggered beat ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa ♪

♪ Oh, you got to know it's not the same ♪

♪ It creates no good ♪

♪ But it's part of the game ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You got a lot to ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you got a lot to... ♪

Yeah! Come on!

That was good, hey?

That was good. That was a good hit.

♪ See, now you're not as clever as you thought ♪

♪ Everyone's a kidder when they're caught ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

No, you go. You go.

Man, you go. You go. You go.

She clearly has eyes for Ben.

Who does, Father?

Halle's spinster sister.

The-the plump-chested one with the sad eyes.

You can't say that. Damn.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, that-that was rude.

I apologize to anyone that was listening.

Which can only be you, Pete,

'cause you're the only person that was listening.

I apologize.

I accept your apology and will now move on.

Do you know Bea's been in love with Ben

since the first night they met?

Well, why didn't she tell him?

You know, when I was a young bloke

and I liked a girl, I would sneak up behind her,

and I'd cut a lock of her hair,

and then I'd smack her on the bum!

- What the hell? - I don't know.

I'm not good at this. Sorry.

Bea was just too scared

to tell him, but I talked to her.

She says she regrets walking out that morning.

- Tell me more, son. - Why me?

Because you're really good at it, right?

- You can do it. - Why me?

Why you put this hat on me?

No one can see me. It's a radio play, motherfucker.

Bea wants us to tell him how much she likes him

so he lets his guard down and goes to her.

Some cupids kill with arrows and some with traps.

That was good. I like that.

- That's good. - I just made it up.

So, he needs to go to her,

drop his drawers and say, "Come to Papa."

What are you doing?

I'm from a different generation.

And your generation sucks.

You fucked up the whole world for us.

And I'm full of shame.

But the bottom line,

Bea likes Ben.

But Ben feels awful that

he called her a disaster.

I mean, he said it was his fragile male ego.

Then why is he fighting with her?

Well, because he likes her.

And I know that Bea likes Ben.

She's just denying herself because she's got

in her head somehow that she'll never love again.

Whoa! I'm-I'm not talking about love, baby.

I'm talking about dick.

- Oh, it's Ben! - Oh!

Hey... you.

Oh, God, they got to you, too?

What?

Did you just "overhear" Halle and Claudia

say how much I like you?

- No. - Really?

It was Pete and Roger.

Fantastic. It's a team effort.

They're trying to get us together.

No way.

Come here.

Well, maybe they want us

to stop acting like assholes so we don't ruin

the biggest event of their lives.

"Us"? There's no "us" in assholes.

You're the one who destroyed the living room.

Would you two mind

helping me with something?

I hate to ask, but I'd really appreciate it.

- Sure. - Yes.

So, Roger left his sunglasses on the sailboat.

I swear, if his head wasn't screwed on,

we'd use it as a bowling ball.

Do me a favor and swim out and get them.

- It's the one on the right. - Both of us?

Is that really a two-person job?

It doesn't seem like it.

You two.

Mm. Yeah.

♪ Dead winter gonna snow me in ♪

♪ I got a bad thing going, but I'm into it... ♪

All right, so everyone's involved in this.

I know.

I feel bad.

Me, too.

I don't want to bum Halle and Claudia out.

Definitely not.

Can you not swim?

I'm an excellent swimmer.

Why are you so out of breath?

I'm fine.

How much further, you think?

- Are your eyes closed? - Everything's dark.

Why are you so out of shape? You have, like, a ten-pack.

I am not out of shape. I bench 295-- 300 once.

I just don't do cardio.

Oh, my God, you're hot-girl fit.

I'm not hot-girl fit!

Okay, my bad.

I'll see you at the boat.

Wait.

Wait! Wait!

♪ Our strange divide ♪

♪ We're pulled in two directions ♪

♪ I'm not that guy... ♪

You know, I could've done it myself, but whatever.

Thanks.

No fucking way.

Honey, look who's here!

I cannot believe they did this. Who is that?

That is my ex, Jonathan.

- Hey, Bea! - What is he doing here?

My Black Hawk helicopter parents have been trying

to get us back together for the past four months.

They flew him halfway across the world

to your sister's wedding?

That's some deep-op shit. They came to play.

That's my parents.

They think I'm throwing my life away.

Honey, we're just gonna take him back

and get him all settled in.

I'll see you later!

You know, maybe we should do it.

- Just tell everyone we're together. - What?

It would solve that problem for me

and that problem for you.

I don't have a problem.

You clearly want Margaret.

- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.

I saw the way you looked at her last night.

And I know she broke your heart.

She sees you're with me,

she wants what she can't have,

and then bye-bye, Crocodile Jack.

Fuck, he's fast.

Making her jealous is not gonna work.

We're not in seventh grade.

Trust me, bro,

we're all in seventh grade when it comes to this stuff.

They've already gone through all of the bullshit

trying to trick us into each other's arms.

Let's just embrace it.

There's no way we can convince anyone

we actually like each other.

- Yeah, you're right. - I know.

You know, I still think about

- that night we spent together. - Shut up.

No, I'm serious.

You know, this could be kind of fun.

We're at a wedding, a million miles away from home.

Who knows what could happen

under the cover of a masquerade?

And that night at your place, doesn't matter how it ended.

It was still pretty amazing.

Convincing enough?

Fuck it. Let's do it.

Can you just wait?

Wait!

♪ Storm clouds hanging over me... ♪

Bea! Wait!

♪ It's what I do, yeah... ♪

Okay, okay.

Whoever wants to go on the hike, we need to leave now.

We're running behind schedule.

We're coming.

Babe, the mountains have been there

for millions of years.

A few more minutes isn't gonna hurt them.

Baby, I know you are trying to calm me down,

and I love you for it, thank you.

But I am herding cats right now,

and I need some help instead of this

easy-breezy Martin Scorsese.

Aw. Jitters.

Remember our wedding?

Only that you were the most beautiful bride

- on God's green earth. - Aw.

Right answer.

We're coming! We're coming! We're coming!

Jinx, you owe me a Coke.

Stop.

Oh, you got a little something in your teeth.

- Oh, no, wait. Get-- Can you get it? - Yeah, yeah.

- Let me just pick her out. - Get it. Get it.

Oh, I got to get it out. Oh, it's right there.

- I'm gonna get it. - Get it. Get it. Get it. Where?

- Get it, get it, get it, get it. - A piece of pepper.

- Get it. Get it. - Honey.

Here he is.

Hey.

- Jonathan. - Hey. So nice to see you.

I had no idea you were coming.

- So your parents didn't tell you. - Um...

Okay. Yeah, you know, the first thing I asked them

when they invited me was, "Does Bea know?"

'Cause otherwise this would be

really fucking awkward.

And now it is fucking awkward.

No, no, not at all.

- Not even a little. - No. No.

No, you're like family.

It'd be effing awkward if you weren't here.

I'm so glad you're here. Hi.

I'm so happy for you two. Hey, congratulations.

Yeah, thanks, man.

- All right. - Yeah.

It's great to see you.

It's great to see you, too.

Uh, we're all going on a hike,

so whoever wants to come with, we got to move out.

Let's move out!

Uh, Ben? Meet Jonathan.

Oh, hey, man. I'm Ben.

Hey. Oh, Pete and Claudia's friend, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Also friends with Bea.

Among other things.

Yeah. It's nice to meet you.

Okay, plenty enough time in the car

to do whatever the fuck this is.

Come on. Let's go!

Yeah.

Yeah.

We need to come up with a game plan.

Yeah, you are so terrible at this.

What?

- Ooh. - We're doing this thing!

Honey. I'm sorry.

I know we should have asked you,

but we had to invite him.

Oh, it's totally fine. I'm glad he's here.

I love him, and Halle loves him.

- Really? - Yeah.

Great. Okay.

So spend a little time together away from the real world

and see if you rekindle, re-spark, rebirth.

Oh, no, Mom. Guys, no. I--

I totally forgot to tell you, but I'm with Ben.

- That guy? - Ben looks like Ken.

Uh, do you want to come?

I think I'm gonna hang back and yell at your parents.

Have fun.

♪ Sympathy won't come around ♪

♪ So make peace and discover... ♪

All right, so is it like we just got together

or we've been sneaking around?

Oh, I got it.

What if we ran into each other at Chipotle,

"Lady and the Tramped" a burrito.

- What? No. - This can't be that hard.

It's harder than you think.

My parents don't even believe it yet.

You told them five seconds ago.

They know I would never go out with a guy like you.

You've only been with one guy your entire life.

Jonathan's a better man than you'll ever be.

And yet you left him. Which is why exactly?

'Cause he seems like he checks all your boxes.

Okay, you don't know my boxes, and you never will.

Just figure this out, please.

Okay.

We just suck face in front of everybody.

Half of them think they set us up anyway.

No, that's too much.

We need to do something that's more hidden

so it feels more real

and not some fuckboy wedding hookup.

You keep calling me a fuckboy like it's an insult.

I own that shit.

Let's just be affectionate.

I know it's a foreign concept for you.

I can be affectionate.

I'll affectionate the shit out of you.

I can't believe your parents invited Jonathan.

Now I have to find a table to sit him at.

- What about Bea? - No, no, she's fine.

She's sitting with us at our table.

No, I'm talking about how she's already at a low point

because she's going through a breakup.

And I don't even know what's happening with school.

She never even talks about it anymore, and--

I guess I could put him with the cousins.

Claudia!

All right.

Come.

- Holy shit. - Wow.

Check it out, guys.

- Nice! - Yes!

- It's beautiful! - See?

I told you it was gonna be good.

Man, that's nice.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

- It's so beautiful. - There it is.

Feel the serenity.

Pretty spectacular, eh?

It's amazing.

All right. Showtime.

Wow.

- This is just so romantic. - Look at...

Okay. Nuzzle my neck.

- 'Kay. - Get in there.

Damn, you are short.

You are not tall enough to say that.

- Oh. - Ooh, are you ticklish?

No, I'm acting.

- Like a toddler? - Oh.

- Okay. All right. Can you stop? - Mm. Beg me.

Beg me to stop, you little bitch.

Stop!

Just let me do it.

Permission to put my left hand on your right buttock.

Granted.

- Too hard. - Sorry. We got to sell it.

Okay, not in circles.

- It's not a magic lamp. - What?

Okay, now you're just playing "Bop It!"

I've never rubbed a butt for show.

Clearly. Let me try.

Are you not wearing underwear?

- It's a swimsuit. I'm on holiday. - Ew.

- Okay. Just mind the gap. - How's that?

That's good. Just like--

But you don't have to hover. Just kind of--

Oh, man in the woods.

- I'm sorry. - Okay, just take it out.

You try.

You want me to stick my finger up my own ass?

- How's that gonna convince-- - Ew.

Oh, on you.

Okay. Jesus Christ,

it's like a VacUpack down here.

How'd you get in this thing?

Oh, that's tight.

Oh. See? It's like holding a baby bird.

Goddamn it.

Were they not watching this whole time?

Like a-a mole or something on your butt?

- No. - Really?

- 'Cause I feel something. - I don't have a mole.

What the fuck?!

What the fuck?!

What the fuck?!

What the fuck?! What the fuck?!

Are there any more on me?!

- Do I have any more on me?! - I don't know! I don't know!

I don't know!

Check! Spiders hunt in pairs!

They hunt in pairs!

No pictures.

Put the cameras down.

We're not gonna take his spirit.

- Are there any more?! - I don't know!

Where are they?!

I feel it! I feel it!

I think I see something.

What do you see? What do you see?

Oh, no, that's just a part of you. You're fine.

All right, look, if I have one of those little fuckers in me,

they might be in you.

I'm good.

That's probably a better way to check than what I did.

Yeah.

Fuck.

All right, little one. Rejoin your journey.

We do not inherit the Earth.

We just borrow it from our creatures.

Hey, guys. What'd we miss?

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Why can't I get this?

Because you're meant to learn to dive when you're six.

You got this, hon.

You ever try focusing on your toes?

My mom taught me this trick.

If you pretend like there's a string

from your nose to your toes, you just...

kind of maintain that position.

You mind doing it again?

This time, I'm gonna shout out a trivia question.

I think it's just gonna help clear your mind.

Just make sure it's a question about airplanes

or the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

Okay, um, um...

What company created the Concorde?!

...collaboration between British Airways

and the French government.

How'd I do?

Getting there.

Maybe your mom can teach him how to dive.

Uh, she-she passed away.

Oh, G-- I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Sorry.

All right, I'm gonna go again, but, um, this time, give me,

uh, one with a little shorter answer.

I have a better idea.

Now, you just let me do everything.

I'll guide you in.

Don't think.

Be careful of his shoulder.

Yeah, I-I wrecked it jumping off a moving train in Paris.

Wouldn't let me see the Eiffel Tower alone.

Had to tell her I love her.

When you know she's the one, nothing else matters.

- That was amazing. - Thank you, thank you, brother.

There you go.

Did I do it?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Good job, babe.

Oh, your dad's a natural.

I'm so glad you guys got to spend some time with Ben.

A-A-Are you two really, uh...

Getting to know each other in a very respectful manner,

one befitting such a kind and intelligent woman

- as your daughter. - Yes, we are...

- ...in the early stages. - Not too early.

But also not so advanced.

Just that magical moment when two people come together

in this crazy journey we call life.

That's why I was so worried when Jonathan showed up.

I-I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I even suggested we hide our light under a bushel

for his sake, but...

But our love is just so strong.

And I know what you guys are thinking.

That he's much older.

They weren't. Right?

Probably thinking I'm 27, early 28's.

Yes, we are very happy.

- Happiest. - Yep.

You know, you looked like that back in the day.

No, I didn't.

That guy's made out of cobblestone.

They're holding hands.

- I think it's working. - I can't believe

these dumbasses were so easily fooled.

Was that bullshit about your mom?

What?

The story about the giant wrench.

I thought it might have been a line

you tell all your one-night nothings.

You overheard that, too.

Look, I didn't mean...

I'm sorry.

And... it wasn't a line.

Thanks for being so nice to my dad.

You should probably rinse off.

You have his SPF a billion on you now.

Cheers, mate. I'll just grab a quickie.

Okay.

So, Australia?

What do you reckon, eh? How you finding it?

Uh, no. It's-it's great.

Mags goes on about you all the time.

A "ripper cunt", she calls you.

"Mags" is Margaret?

- And "ripper cunt" is...? - Good friend.

Ooh. Yeah. You know you had a proper surf

when sand gets all up your clacker.

Down your gobbler, too.

"Gobbler" is...?

You know, your hog bonnet.

You know, your beef cap?

Come on, mate. You know, the anteater.

Anyway, good to have ya. Catch ya.

♪ Looking way back, always taking the long way ♪

♪ Running so fast, hope I get there... ♪

G'day, love!

♪ Looking way back, way back, the long... ♪

Hey, mate!

Fancy a game?

You're going down.

How have you been doing?

Pretty good. You?

Okay, I guess.

How's school going?

You decide what kind of law you want to practice yet?

You know me.

I have never been one for practicing.

Still having second thoughts?

- Straight to third. - Mm.

I know it's weird, me being here,

but believe me, I had nothing to do with it.

Your parents duped me, gave me their frequent-flier miles.

That's sweet. You're part of the family.

I'd be lying if I said

I haven't been thinking about you.

Yeah, me, too.

♪ Times are changing... ♪

How long have you and that guy Ben been...?

It's kind of new.

Not like new-new, but new-ish.

Well, I think he seems great.

No, you don't.

I really don't.

Thanks for being so cool about all of this.

Not just this, but...

this, too.

♪ Times are changing... ♪

It's really good to see you, Bea.

I'm glad you're here.

Now let's have fun.

Let's do it.

And I will take this.

♪ Running so fast, hope I get there someday ♪

♪ Looking way back, always taking the long way ♪

♪ Feel the summer get too long ♪

♪ Packing up and moving on ♪

♪ Shed some new light on this... ♪

Mate.

That's me.

Want a coffee?

It's the best in the world.

You guys are really proud of your coffee here.

It's the best in the fucking world.

- Okay. - Enjoy.

Fuck. That is good.

I was thinking of going for a bit of run later.

Do you want to join?

I'm actually going on a bike ride with Bea,

so I don't think I can.

She's a little sweet on you, hey?

Oh, you caught that?

How long have you and Beau been together?

Oh, we're just banging about.

He's nice, but I think I'm looking for someone

less casual, more romantic.

Ah.

Why did me and you ever break up anyway?

I don't really remember,

but I think you said something like

I was an immature drongo

smothered in Axe body spray.

Smells like you're not that guy anymore.

Bea's a lucky girl.

Oh.

Bea, open the door!

Bea.

What's wrong?

Margaret thinks we're together.

- That's great. - No.

Margaret needs to think we're the right type of together.

Not "together" together but, like, "situationally" together.

Because if she thinks we're "together" together,

she's not gonna break girl code.

So we need to finesse our togetherness

so that we're together, but there's an opening

for our togetherness and she can just slide right in

- so that we can be together. - Are you on coke?

No, it's the coffee here. It's like meth.

I'm guessing.

No, I'm not.

I worked at Goldman. Partner's wedding.

You do what you do.

Jesus, dude, who are you?

I'm a man trying to figure this out.

Look at your room. It's so much bigger--

You got a painting? Wow, that's so red.

We have to kick it up a notch.

Make it feel like we're in the gaga stage.

What do you want to do? Take me in the hallway?

That is not gaga!

Actually, that could be construed as gaga.

Tonight's the rehearsal dinner, so we have to do something

that makes it look like you're into me but you're not into me,

and I'm into you, but you can tell by my face

that it's never gonna amount...

Get it together, man.

You hit me so much.

Okay, Klonopin,

now pretend this is a real fox

that messed up our garden.

Fuck it up. Fuck it up. Fuck it up.

Fuck it up. Fuck it up!

- Yeah, fuck it up. - Yeah, fuck it up.

- Fuck it up. Fuck it up. - Fuck it up. Fuck it up.

- Ooh! - Fuck it up.

- You see that? - He did it. Yeah.

Oh, hey.

They're here. All right, everybody, wheels up.

- Hustle up! - You look beautiful.

Thanks.

♪ These days, they make it sound sweet ♪

♪ If this is the last dance, you can count on me ♪

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ Everybody, get on the dance floor, five, six... ♪

Hi, guys!

This was absolutely worth it.

♪ Three, four, everybody, get on the dance floor... ♪

Thank you.

♪ Five, six, seven, eight... ♪

Hon, you see the size of that boat?

- Thank you. - Hi, guys.

Can I offer you some champagne?

Nice touch.

Nice dress.

They look good, hey?

Hello.

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ Everybody, get on the dance floor ♪

♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ It's 4:00 a.m. and I'm wide awake ♪

♪ One, two, three, four... ♪

- I love this dress. - Heck of a life, hey?

- Oh, thank you. - What would you like to drink?

What's a traditional drink for rehearsal dinner?

Three Scotches neat and a champagne for the lady.

- Oh, Sc-- All right. - Very good.

You remembered.

That you can't handle hard liquor? Yeah.

The smell's still not out of my car.

You know I feel really bad about that.

That was a fun night.

That was a fun summer.

Mags!

Mags, Captain says that we can steer the ship.

Oh, okay. Oh. I'm coming.

- Let's go! - Hang on, I've got heels on.

Look how lucky we are. On a boat,

sailing back and forth for no real transportational reason.

Spoiler alert.

And look at you, Polly Pocket.

You the belle of the ball.

Yeah.

I know. No, you look nice.

He's-- You're remembering.

- Hey. - Oh, hey, look.

- Is that Tasmania? - No, honey, that's--

Uh, yes. I think it might be.

Halle, Tasmania, goddamn it!

Oh, yes, there it is.

- Well, at least that was subtle. - Was it?

You know, this oddly reminds me of prom.

The first or second time?

Jonathan is just the most perfect guy.

He's like a son to us.

Well, that might be your problem, mate.

Bea might not want to shag her brother.

You know that's his favorite song.

- Yeah. "Kiss Me." - Yeah.

♪ He's got the personality ♪

♪ Not even gravity could ever hold him down... ♪

So how's it going? Parents back off a little?

How about you?

- Ah! - Here I come.

♪ Inching closer to sunrise... ♪

- Game on. - Can you even dance?

- You just let me lead. - Oh, God.

♪ What's on my mind ♪

♪ On my mind ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ You just got me started ♪

♪ And I don't think I can stop it ♪

♪ And I don't wanna go home alone tonight ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby, boy, can I be honest? ♪

♪ Kinda miss using my body ♪

♪ Fuck it up just like this party did tonight ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby, boy ♪

♪ Can I... be honest? ♪

♪ Boy, can I ♪

♪ Be honest? ♪

♪ You just got me started ♪

♪ And I don't think I can stop it, and I don't wanna... ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby, boy, can I be honest... ♪

Is Margaret watching?

Bam! Bam!

It's a little hard to tell

with Bitch Hemsworth in my way.

Everybody to the top deck!

We about to do a champagne toast!

Come with me.

So what are we doing?

Closing the deal.

- "Titanic" me. - What?

Oh, help yourself to some champagne.

- Oh, thank you. - Grab some drinks!

"Titanic" me.

No. That is so lame.

Exactly.

The only people who would do something this lame

are the ones who know how lame it is

but are in the first stages of liking each other,

so they're totally comfortable in their mutual lameness.

Trust me.

- Oh, my God. - Come on!

This is so cringe.

So is saying "cringe," old man.

- Cheers! - Cheers!

Lift my arms.

I've seen the movie.

Have you?

- Okay. - 'Kay.

This is never gonna work.

Awww!

That is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Are they doing Titanic?

Awww.

Are they watching?

- Yep. - Are they buying it?

Can't imagine they would.

It's real. We did it.

We're good.

We're really bloody good.

Jonathan, have you seen Tasmania?

Innie, I'm fine.

It's fine.

You gonna do the line?

It's "king of the world."

You're king of the world.

- Jack, I'm flying. - Okay.

We can stop there.

♪ Around your sign, oh, yeah, baby ♪

♪ Come on, come on, come on... ♪

They're gone. Show's over.

Oh, my God!

No, stay here! Wait! Help!

Wait!

Bea!

Bea!

Are you okay?

Yeah.

- Why'd you jump in? - To save you.

But you're a terrible swimmer.

I'm a great swimmer.

Just short distances.

- We're gonna die. - We're not gonna die.

- We're gonna get hypothermia. - The water's 90 degrees.

We're gonna get eaten by sharks.

- Oh. - Fuck, we're gonna get eaten by sharks!

We are gonna be fine.

I once spent 10 hours treading water

off the coast of the Cayman Islands.

Goldman?

Yeah, it was a partner's kid's bar mitzvah.

Little bit of crack.

Oh, my God!

Roger! What-- Oh, my God!

It looks like they're going full Titanic.

- Hey, love the commitment! - Stop the boat!

Stay calm, mate!

- He's not a very good swimmer. - Bea!

There.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Come on.

Why aren't we turning the boat around?

We are in too shallow water. We'll run aground.

But Harbour Rescue has been notified.

Oh, honey.

- You good? - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

All right, come on.

Oh, God.

Scoot forward.

- All right, get in the middle. - Okay.

That was, um, probably the most...

I mean, if you don't close it with Margaret, I...

There's nothing more romantic than jumping in to save me.

Yeah, well, Jonathan didn't do it, that's for sure.

I mean, your parents have to have clocked that shit.

Well, you didn't even give him a chance.

Why do you keep defending this guy?

Why did you break up with him in the first place?

- It's complicated. - It's never complicated.

What, he cheated on you?

Drug problem?

Did you catch him measuring his dick with the ruler app?

We never fought.

Isn't that a good thing?

It was just comfortable.

And he's a great guy, which means there's

no one out there for me because I had the best one.

I mean, I couldn't even tell him I quit law school.

And I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life.

If we're gonna get eaten by sharks,

I had to tell somebody.

No one else knows?

I don't think this is the weekend to drop that bomb.

You finally did it.

What?

That one night, you...

said you didn't want to be a lawyer anyway, so...

You remember that?

It was a memorable night.

Till you snuck out, of course.

Why did you?

'Cause you scared the shit out of me.

It was the first time in my life that I felt fire,

and I had to blow it out.

I know a little bit about that.

I was really hurt when you left.

So I said all that terrible stuff about you to Pete.

It's not how I felt.

Look at us.

Just a couple of fucked-up people

floating in the middle of the harbor.

Promise me, if we make it out alive,

we go see that from dry land.

It's a pretty killer view from here.

It's dumb, but I want to see the people.

Landmarks like those are full of people in love.

Marriage proposals, honeymooners,

romantics jumping off of moving trains

just to see the building with the person they love.

Like your dad and the Eiffel Tower?

He told you that?

"Nothing else matters when it comes to love."

I could use a bit of that right now.

It's not dumb.

You, me and the Opera House.

It's a date.

I promise.

This is Harbour Rescue.

Stay where you are.

Don't go off the buoy, please.

Oh.

Huh.

What's wrong?

I'm a little afraid of flying.

Don't you fly all the time for your job?

I have a very specific routine.

Eye mask, headphones,

build my bubble.

♪ I am unwritten ♪

♪ Can't read my mind ♪

♪ I'm undefined ♪

That's my "serenity song".

How do you know my serenity song?

Don't worry about it.

♪ Staring at the blank page before you ♪

♪ Open up the dirty window ♪

♪ Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find ♪

♪ Reaching for something in the distance ♪

♪ So close you can almost taste it ♪

♪ Release your inhibitions ♪

♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪

♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪

♪ Only you can let it in ♪

♪ No one else, no one else ♪

♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪

♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪

♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪

♪ Today is where your book begins ♪

♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪

You all good?

- Shut the fuck up now. - Okay.

♪ Release your inhibitions ♪

♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪

♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪

♪ Only you can let it in ♪

♪ No one else, no one else ♪

♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪

♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪

♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪

♪ Today is where your book begins ♪

♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪

♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪

♪ Only you can let it in ♪

♪ No one else, no one else ♪

♪ Can speak the words on your lips... ♪

- Thanks again. - Stay out of the water, yeah?

Want some coffee?

Not the stuff from here. I'll be up all night.

Yeah.

Thanks for kind of saving me, though.

It was fun.

Stupid, but fun.

Well, that's the best kind.

No, no, no, it's hot.

Oh, my God.

When are you ever gonna learn?

You want me to blow on it?

Is it still hot?

♪ Anyone but you could get it ♪

♪ Gonna back up off it for a minute ♪

♪ You owe me peace of mind ♪

♪ Just take your time, just take your time ♪

♪ You have me so bad... ♪

♪ And I can't go back ♪

♪ And you feel so right ♪

♪ I'm falling in love ♪

♪ This could be every night ♪

♪ I feel your heart ♪

♪ When I'm holding you so tight. ♪

We're getting pretty good at faking it.

I don't even know what's real anymore.

Everything I do just feels like a mistake.

Ben? Bea? Are you guys all right?

Ben, Bea, you here?

Check the kitchen.

Bea?

Beatrice!

Honey, what-what are they? Is that a handprint?

I don't know.

♪ We had it all, we had it all ♪

♪ We had it all planned out ♪

♪ I used to want to love you like you wanted me to ♪

♪ Now I want to hate you ♪

♪ Like I tell you I do ♪

♪ Sorry if I seem a little bit upset ♪

♪ When you say she looks a little bit like me ♪

- ♪ When we first met ♪ - ♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ I don't wanna have to be friends... ♪

♪ Have to pretend ♪

♪ After all... ♪

Come on, baby gorgeous!

We got chores! Come on, let's go!

Ben, are you ready?

- We got groom stuff to do. - Dude, I'm coming, I'm coming.

Man, I hope you scrubbed from top to bottom,

'cause who knows what was in that harbor.

I also showered last night.

Two showers in eight hours?

Go off, king! Get clean!

Happy wedding day!

Are you excited?

Yes, I'm so excited to marry Claudia.

But, you know, I'm also hosting a party

where it feels like we're all playing parts in a play,

and I'm not really into the pageantry,

- and I kind of just wanted to elope. - Come here.

All that matters is that you and Claudia

are gonna spend the rest of your lives together.

Mm. I love you.

I love you, too.

Bea? Hey.

You're still good to get the cake, right?

Yes, ma'am.

Awesome. I put Margaret on it with you,

- just to be safe. - Margaret.

♪ I don't want to meet your girlfriend ♪

♪ When she calls 999... ♪

All right. Talk to me, baby.

Who's it gonna be? Margaret or Bea?

Come on, man. Don't give me that.

We just two girls talking.

I get it, though. It's tough.

Magpie's your dream girl.

She's confident, beautiful,

and she knows how to put out a fire with her attire.

Now, Beaswax, on the other hand...

...she's smart, funny, quick, and she got a ass

- you could bounce a quarter off of. - Pete.

What? I'm not objectifying Margaret, man.

That'd be inappropriate. That's my cousin.

It's inappropriate with Bea, too.

This is deeper than I thought.

Hey, Sydney! My boy is in love!

Stop, dude! Just stop.

- What? - I know what you're doing.

I know what you've all been doing.

You set us up, and we went along with it.

But it's fake.

It was my stepdad, right? He can't act for shit.

- You suck, too, bro. - That's foul, dawg.

It's definitely got to be Bea, man.

I don't know, man. I don't fucking know.

She doesn't know what she wants.

Dude, she's single for basically

the first time in her life.

She just quit law school. Her fucking fiancé's here.

Man, stop

with all the white boy dr... What the...

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. Seriously.

Any time something gets real, you run away,

call yourself a fuckboy, make an excuse,

and you just move on to the next.

It's Bea.

You jumped off a boat for her.

Oh, that's perfect. They're gonna love it.

Thank you so much.

Let me get this boxed up for you.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

I don't get all the pageantry of weddings.

If you like someone, give 'em a snog, keep it to yourselves.

I wore a wedding dress for Halloween

for five years in a row.

- Stop it. - No, I know.

It's so pathetic.

But I am with you now. This is not for me.

So you and Ben aren't serious?

What?

No, no, it's just...

We're-we're just situationally together.

'Cause when I saw you last night in the harbor,

I thought it might be more with you two.

Just... situationally.

- Is that an American thing? - I don't even know.

So you're all right if I have a go at him, then?

I feel like I might have made a mistake letting him loose.

If that's not okay, just tell me. For real.

I know he really likes you.

How do you think I should play this with Ben?

Should I wait until after the wedding?

Um, I don't know.

Have you guys hooked up?

- Bea. You quit school? - Beatrice.

You're just gonna pour gasoline on everything you've worked for?

Is there still time to reenroll?

As soon as you broke up with Jonathan,

everything turned to pot. Are you on drugs?

Because at least then I'd understand.

Who told you I quit law school? Was it Ben?

- You quit school? - What?

When were you gonna tell us?

Is this to get back at us?

I'm sorry if we pushed you to succeed your whole life.

- We're such awful parents. - Yeah.

- Mom, this isn't about you. - Yes, it is.

It is about us and how we're not gonna let you throw away

your life because you're going through something.

Everyone is always going through something.

- It's called "life". - Hey.

I can't believe you. You told them I quit school?

- No, I didn't. - He told Pete. Pete told us.

- Shit. - I told you what?

Yeah, I-- no, I told Pete, but I didn't mean it like that.

- Told me what? - They were gonna find out at some point.

But that's not for you to decide.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

It doesn't matter how we found out.

- Found out what? - She quit law school.

- Oh, yeah, I knew that. - You're a real shit.

I made a mistake. I'm sorry.

There's a reason why you're alone. No one can trust you.

Yeah? What's your reason?

Guys like you.

Keep telling yourself that.

- Fuck off. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't do this right here, right now.

I messed this all up. It's all on me.

Why don't, uh, we all go for a swim, eh?

- Cool off before the wedding? - That's a great idea.

- Maybe early drinks? - Guys, I am so sorry,

but your plan is all ruined.

We are not together. We were faking it the whole time.

- You knew? - What?

What are they even talking about?

Well, we may have orchestrated a union

between the pair of them in order for peace

to prevail across the land.

You lied to us?

What have you been honest about lately?

So, you lied to me, too? You're not together?

I could never be with someone like him.

Yeah, 'cause I'm the one who fucked it up.

You did fuck it up.

- I fucked it up? - Yeah, you fucked it up.

- I fucked it up? - You fucked it... No!

Oh...

Bad dog, Klonopin.

I mean, good dog, you killed that shit,

but next time, read the room, K-Money.

I am so sorry.

Hey, uh...

Bea.

I think the cake's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be fine.

- Good? - I think you're perfect.

You're working yourself up.

It is not fine.

Not everything is fine.

Okay? All we asked of them was to come out here

and celebrate us, and they are ruining it.

And all weekend, I have been so stressed,

and you've been more worried about

what's going on with Bea than with me.

Well, you've been more concerned about your planning.

Are you marrying me or your itinerary?

Well, if that's how you feel,

then why are we even doing this?

I don't know. You tell me.

There's one last thing we need to fake.

♪ Wait ♪

♪ Wait a second ♪

♪ Everybody's... ♪

Such a good day. It is. So happy for her.

So beautiful. I love you, too.

- Mwah. Thank you. - Love you.

You look so...

Claudia. Halle.

We're assholes. We're really sorry.

I'm a terrible sister, and he's a terrible friend.

It's your guys's big day.

We're not gonna mess it up, we promise.

Uh-huh.

But just so you both know, if you fuck up today,

the something I borrowed is a knife.

And it's shiny and new.

♪ The more I know you ♪

♪ The more I hate you... ♪

Go, Pete!

♪ I spend my time ♪

♪ Connecting dots with resolve ♪

♪ To do just what you do ♪

♪ I grew acquainted ♪

♪ With not hearing myself ♪

♪ The commotion ♪

♪ Became my devotion. ♪

Love is intoxicating.

It envelops you,

it tickles you,

and it makes you feel like you can walk on air.

It's like this wind.

It's in your bones. It's in your breath.

It's in every beat of your heart.

You can't look for it, you can't describe it,

and you can't escape it.

Halle, I love you so much.

And I don't think I say it enough.

You are the yin to my yang,

peanut butter to my jelly,

and I will love you forever and always.

Claudia, I love you

with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.

That's very good.

Just made it up.

Klonopin.

I now pronounce you married!

Oh, look, there she is.

Oh, hey, parents.

Is that Tasmania? Yeah.

How are you doing, honey?

I am so sorry I lied to you guys about school.

I didn't want to disappoint you guys again.

Well, if you just told us, maybe we could've...

Try to talk me out of it?

No. Maybe we could've supported you.

I know this is scary for you guys.

- Yeah. - But it's scary for me, too,

and I got to figure it out on my own.

I know that, every now and then,

we might come off as a little...

- Controlling? - No.

- Overbearing? - No.

Batshit crazy?

- Yeah. - Yes. That's it.

But only because we love you so much.

Love you.

Cheers!

- To us. - To us.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We're back in New York ♪

♪ You were smoking in the hallway ♪

♪ The moment that you saw me ♪

♪ Stumbling up the stairs to the show ♪

♪ You wore a chain link necklace... ♪

Yes.

I think we have to use that now.

- I know. - Somewhere in here.

- Hey, Aunt. - Yes?

- Do you mind if I steal him? - Uh...

- Not at all. Go ahead. - Do you mind?

Have fun.

Hey.

Hi.

Where's Beau?

He buggered off.

He said he saw a wave he couldn't morally not surf.

I'm sorry.

It was never really anything.

And you and Bea?

She said you were just "situational."

She said that?

Yeah.

Are you good?

Yeah. We know it's been a tough weekend for you.

I don't know.

And these last few days

really made me realize how much I miss you.

Why don't you just go for a walk? Clear your head.

- Yeah. We'll go with you. - No, we won't. No.

I love you, but this is our wedding, so...

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

I might go and do some people-watching.

Just not...

these people.

Thank you.

Bye.

Wow.

Ben.

I wanted this for so long.

But I think I'm just holding on to a memory.

And also, I...

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Never seen Bea like this before.

Really?

You were the one who said there's a thin line

between love and hate.

I wasn't the first person to say that, but yeah.

I know it sounds crazy,

but even when they were yapping at each other,

I've never seen Bea happier.

Same with Ben.

Hey, Stepfather,

- may I have a word? - Yes, but make it quick, son.

I promised my lady a dance.

But don't tell your mother.

Ha, ha, ha. You're so clever.

You know who's also clever? Ben.

You know who else would be perfect for Ben?

That mumbly girl who always looks like she's got a secret.

You know her name is Bea! That was a callback!

Will you stop?

- Stop. - Ah.

How you going, mate? How you going, Ben?

W-- And you, too.

What?

Just... enough

with the loud talking and the overhearing. Just stop.

Bro, we literally didn't know you were standing there.

Yeah, it's true. We didn't know you were listening.

We did. Squarely a performance for one.

And we nailed it, too.

What is with you people?

This entire weekend,

I have been lied to and manipulated and puppeteered.

I don't know what is real and what is not.

Mate, I know you're a little blurry,

but I meant what I said up there about love.

It's too precious a resource to be wasted.

I haven't seen her. Is she, uh...?

She went on a walk a while ago.

After she saw you kissing Margaret.

What?

No, I didn't kiss Margaret. Margaret kissed me.

I backed up. I don't want to be with Margaret.

- I want to... - Just stop it.

You gorgeous idiot.

Run. Don't wait on love. Fight for it.

And don't worry about the age difference.

I'm 29.

Honey, no one's 29.

Do you know where she went?

She said she wanted to walk around,

do some people-watching.

That's what she said? "People-watching"?

I think it was more of a euphemism for crying alone.

No. It's not.

I think I know where she might be.

Then good God, man, go get her.

Scour the city, block by block. Scan the grid.

First north-south, then east-west.

Leo, I know exactly where she is.

Oh, well, that makes it a lot easier.

I just need to find my moving train.

What's going on here?

- Is that coffee? - Uh, yeah.

- Okay. - Wh...

- Oh. - Wait.

Call... Harbour... Rescue!

- Ben! - Jesus Christ!

Oh, my God!

- Nose to toes. - What?

- Oh, God! - Are you crazy?

♪ Hit me where it hurts ♪

♪ But please do make me feel it ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Yeah, I stole from you ♪

♪ But I kept all your secrets ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ And I was 16, feeling like I can't be stopped ♪

♪ I was a bottle rocket shooting for the stars ♪

♪ For the stars... ♪

I need to ask a favor.

♪ So come on ♪

♪ You make me want to rip my head off ♪

♪ So come on ♪

♪ And you make me want to scream... ♪

Oh!

♪ I am unwritten ♪

Oh!

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Yeah, we were lightning in a soda can ♪

♪ Cramped up in that '98 ♪

♪ The world was everything around us ♪

♪ When we got us, that's all it takes ♪

♪ And that dorm room we stayed in ♪

♪ Is a sore thumb to me ♪

♪ But it forced me to say how I feel ♪

Why don't you just pick people up by boat?

Just go get the girl.

Thank you.

♪ So come on ♪

♪ You make me want to rip my head off ♪

♪ So come on ♪

♪ And you make me want to scream ♪

♪ So come on... ♪

Excuse me! Excuse me!

♪ It wasn't much... ♪

I didn't kiss Margaret. She kissed me.

I know that's a bullshit excuse, but it's true.

I couldn't find a moving train.

Sorry, it's the best I could do.

Are you out of your mind?

Yeah. Because it's been two years since we met,

and I haven't spent every single day with you.

That's the sign of a crazy person.

I hated you.

I didn't really give you a choice.

I definitely didn't hate you.

Even though you called me a bitch.

I said you were acting like a bitch.

No, I was a bitch.

The way I handled everything.

The way I handled the first night.

The way I handled last night.

Yeah, it wasn't really awesome.

Why did you leave?

I thought you were gonna regret it,

and I couldn't face the idea of losing someone else

that I...

I really loved.

Last night was the first thing

I haven't regretted in a long time.

I love the way we fight.

I love how smart you are.

I love the weird way

you stick your hands down my pants.

And I love how you know what you don't want.

And if it's not me,

if I don't check all your boxes, if I'm not the one,

I get it.

But that would really...

really fucking suck.

So you gonna kiss me now?

Yeah, I am.

That's a lot of running for Mr. No Cardio.

Yeah, I'm dying.

I need some air.

♪ I am unwritten ♪

♪ Can't read my mind ♪

♪ I'm undefined ♪

♪ I'm just beginning ♪

♪ Pen's in my hand ♪

♪ Ending's unplanned ♪

♪ Staring at the blank page before you ♪

♪ Open up the dirty window ♪

♪ Let the sun illuminate the words ♪

♪ That you could not find... ♪

How do you know my serenity song?

How do they know my serenity song?

♪ So close you can almost taste it ♪

♪ Release your inhibitions ♪

♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪

♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪

♪ Only you can let it in ♪

♪ No one else, no one else ♪

♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪

♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪

♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪

♪ Today is where your book begins ♪

♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪

♪ I break tradition ♪

♪ Sometimes my tries ♪

♪ Are outside the lines, yeah ♪

♪ We've been conditioned ♪

♪ To not make mistakes ♪

♪ But I can't live that way ♪

♪ Staring at the blank page before you ♪

♪ Open up the dirty window ♪

♪ Let the sun illuminate the words ♪

♪ That you could not find ♪

♪ Reaching for something in the distance ♪

♪ So close you can almost taste it ♪

♪ Release your inhibitions ♪

Leave me alone.

♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪

♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪

♪ Only you can let it in ♪

♪ No one else, no one else ♪

♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪

♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪

♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪

♪ Today is where your book begins ♪

♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪

I'm sorry you almost called off your wedding

because of all of our bullshit.

- What? - What?

I saw you arguing on the porch.

Oh, no, no, no. We staged a fake fight

- so you guys would feel bad and make up. - Mm-hmm.

Are you marrying your precious itinerary or me?

Well, if that's how you feel,

I don't know why we're doing this anymore.

- Thank you very much. - Puppets.

We're just puppets.

Yep.

♪ Staring at the blank page ♪

♪ Before you ♪

♪ Open up the dirty window ♪

♪ Let the sun illuminate the words ♪

♪ That you could not find ♪

♪ Reaching for something in the distance ♪

♪ So close you can almost taste it ♪

♪ Release your inhibitions ♪

♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪

♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪

♪ Only you can let it in ♪

♪ No one else, no one else ♪

♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪

♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪

♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪

♪ Today is where your book begins ♪

♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪

♪ The rest is still unwritten. ♪

♪ I took the long way back on my feet ♪

♪ Across town with crooked legs and staggered beat ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I hit the streets in vacant alleyways ♪

♪ Jump the gate and watch the city change its shape ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You got a lot to, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You got a lot to, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ See, now you're not as clever as you thought ♪

♪ Everyone's a kidder when they're caught ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, but you got to know it's not the same ♪

♪ It creates no good, but it's part of the game ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You got a lot to, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You got a lot to, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Too far ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You left your shoes at my front door ♪

♪ Said you'd be back, but I've heard it before ♪

♪ Three days, but it felt like more ♪

♪ Three days, but it felt like more ♪

♪ Three days, but it felt like more ♪

♪ You got a lot to, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You got a lot to, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You got a lot to, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You got a lot to, you let it go too far ♪

♪ You let it go too far, you let it go too far ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪