Original subtitles

Andie sold drugs.

How do you know?

I was one of her customers.

She sold them at Calamity parties mainly. Sal hated drugs.

Calamity is hot and sweaty and noisy

and just a little bit fucked up in all the best ways.

You're such a good girl, Pip.

Are you really ready for that?

So, guys, I really want to go to a Calamity party.

You want to what?

I realise it's somewhat out of character.

"Somewhat"? Try a-lot-what.

Yes! I've been dying to go to a Calamity since, like, year nine.

- Pip, you hate parties. - They say try everything once.

I believe the acronym is "YOLO."

Exactly. I can't go to film school until I've been to a proper party.

Plus, Ant will be there.

As will Ruby Foxcroft.

Shut up and eat your Müller Light.

I heard there's a Calamity at the start of every term.

How do we find it?

Guys, people like us don't get invited. These things are super secret.

Yeah, and not to mention infamously debauched.

Twelve down. "Acrimonious."

Lucky we're such good problem solvers, then.

Right, our task is to work out when and where

the next Calamity will be and how to gain access.

Ow. Sorry. Sorry.

Ooh! What's wrong?

It's fine, it's fine.

I just liked Becca Bell's post.

This is pointless. No one's posted anything incriminating.

The black ribbons are clearly a clue. I've seen them in the woods.

Wait. Look.

"Five more sleeps."

- There's a party this Saturday.

- Guys, Naomi's just replied. - Finally.

Apparently, when she used to go to Calamities,

the location was shared at midday the Monday before the party.

- But that's like... - Now!

Love that dance challenge you posted.

I'm surprised it didn't trend.

It got 1,300 likes.

It's not bad.

But I suppose if you really want to hit those FYPs,

you have to game the algorithm.

- Oh, yeah? Sounds complicated. - No.

Just have to adjust your visibility settings.

I could do it for you if you like.

Fine.

Come on, Pip-squeak.

- I've gotta go to Spanish. - Sí, por supuesto.

One more second.

Done!

Prepare to viralize.

Did you just say "viralize"?

That's it, folks. Read chapter two by next week.

I've tried it as a numerical code in case they're coordinates,

an anagram in case it's an address.

That doesn't look like English.

I was listening.

I thought your point on pathetic fallacy in the Gothic novel was spot on.

Thank you.

It's a code-breaking game.

We have to find a location using the code "black banana bears."

Oh, like What3words?

Oh, of course! I'm so stupid!

You are a certified genius.

"Black banana bears."

Shit. It's in the middle of nowhere.

So, this guy Andie was selling for,

we think he's Secret Older Guy?

Could be.

Or he could have nothing to do with Secret Older Guy.

Maybe Andie was just involved in a drug deal gone wrong.

Either way, we need to find this dealer.

- How though? - Elementary, my dear Watson.

I'm not gonna get into this right now, but I am not Watson.

Okay, well, I am clearly Sherlock.

Nah, I've got that sexy Cumberbatch energy,

and you're clearly Martin Freeman.

That is ridiculous.

Don't get sidetracked. What's the plan?

Max said the dealer could be at a Calamity,

so I'll be attending one this Saturday.

I need to follow the drugs.

Pip, you can't just waltz up to some dealer and be like,

"Hey, what's the craic with that murder?"

You could come too.

I know people were awful to you after Sal died.

You're on your own for this one. Don't do anything rash.

That, my friend, is classic Watson.

Which one says "party" to you more? Fleece? The knit?

Neither.

All right, spill the tea.

What tea?

You obviously want to go because of the case.

Can't I just be trying to YOLO?

That doesn't even make sense.

Excited to see Ruby?

- Ugh. She's way out of my league. - Says who?

You're funny.

You're kind.

Hey, you've got great teeth.

You won the bleep test three years in a row.

Go forth and conquer like a queer Boudica.

All right, calm down.

Let's not get there too late.

I remember Naomi saying Calamities can get dark.

You two off out?

Uh, yeah, just to a party.

Since when do you two go to parties?

Party, huh?

- What party? It's not a "party" party,

more like a social gathering.

Well, take some money from my wallet for a cab home, yeah?

Will do.

Oh, and remember,

if anyone offers you any drugs, just take half first, okay?

No. Shh... No. Let's get rid of you. Come on.

Maybe just a dab. - No. No, no.

- That's how we met. - No, dear!

Memories. Off we go.

He's joking. That's not...

- That's not real.

Goodbye. Come on.

I'm just saying your parents are like the dream.

They're fun, intellectual equals...

hot for middle-aged people.

- They're not hot. - To be fair, they kind of are.

It says this is it. Black Banana Bears.

We could text the boys, see if they're here.

This way.

This is unreal. Maybe we should go back.

We'll be fine once we go in.

- Knock back a few piña coladas.

Pip, it's a rave. They're not gonna have piña coladas.

Dad says a party's never a party without piña coladas.

Ready?

Let's do this, bitches.

Come on.

It's like Dante's Inferno.

- When can we leave? - Not yet.

I tried to do a Sex on the Beach, but they only had vodka and orange,

so it's mainly just... beach.

Let's go find the boys. - Oh, yeah.

Yep.

Hey...

What the hell?

I think it's a sex game.

Cara Ward.

Didn't know this was your scene.

It's not... usually.

Come and dance.

Hey, girls. Wanna play?

Disgusting.

I don't think so.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's it. He's done.

Come on. I'll wingwoman you.

Score.

You don't have to go if you don't want to.

Only five minutes though, yeah?

Yeah, put a timer on.

It's fine. I'll go.

We just... talk?

The point of the game isn't to talk.

I'm way too sober. I need something to get me going.

Oh, yeah?

Ant's got my Special K. I could go get it if you want.

Oof, not for me.

Makes me feel too special.

Huh.

Last Calamity, I got these mad shrooms off my dealer.

Shit got so fucked up.

Is he here?

- Your dealer. - Why do you want to see my dealer?

No offence, but you don't seem like the type.

Mmm... I suppose I've spent my whole school career

focused on work and getting into uni.

Now I just want to... let loose.

Go a bit wild.

Wild sounds fun.

I'll sort you out.

- Where are we going? - To meet Howie.

In there.

- Aren't you coming? Nah, I'll wait.

- Careful, yeah? - Of what?

Yeah?

Hi.

I'm a friend of Dylan's.

That prick owes me 60 quid.

I could pay you back.

I've got three questions for you.

Twenty pounds per question.

All right.

Hi.

Hi. Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Is it true Andie Bell used to deal drugs for you?

Yeah.

What kind?

Weed. Ket. Rohypnol.

Bit of mandy.

Rohypnol?

Isn't that a date rape drug?

Ketamine's a horse tranquilliser. People'll take anything for a buzz.

I liked Andie.

She was cool.

Andie was the perfect decoy...

till she wasn't.

Why?

Do you know where I got this?

Belmarsh.

Some bloke took against me.

Filled a kettle with sugar,

boiled it, threw it in my face.

Just kidding.

Your face. Never been to Belmarsh.

Yeah. No, of course not.

No, my brother did it. The wreckhead.

Man who looks like me, people assume the worst.

A golden girl like Andie who kept her stash in a toy bunny?

No one suspected her.

They never found her burner phone,

never found me.

One more question. Choose wisely.

Where were you on the 19th of April 2019?

- Are you accusing me of something? No.

Sounds like you are.

Honestly not.

You think 'cause I deal drugs I go around murdering teenage girls?

No! No, I didn't.

What if I do?

Howie, leave her alone.

- Hello. What's the matter?

Howie...

Hey, hey, hey... you're safe now.

You know, you actually look cute when you're scared.

- Come here. - Stop.

Dylan, no!

- You said you wanted to loosen up. - Stop... Stop!

Everything okay?

All right, you little creep.

Piss off.

Cockblocker.

You good?

Come on, I'll walk you back.

- Are you okay to find your friends? - Mm.

Watch out, yeah? Bad shit can happen at these parties.

Bad shit?

Just keep an eye on your drink.

Hi.

Sorry, it's late. I thought you might still be out partying.

No, I'm home now.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm thinking if I go via the catacombs,

I'm definitely gonna get eaten by zombies.

Don't go via the catacombs, then.

But then if I go through the centre of the city,

I'll probably get shot by the Resistance.

That is a tough decision, isn't it?

It's kind of life or death.

So, is it as messed up as people say?

It was actually pretty boring.

I've been feeling bad that I didn't come with you.

Don't.

We're a team. It's just...

after Andie went missing, people have treated me, my mom,

and my dad like we're all guilty.

So, sometimes I guess it's just easier for me to hide

in my room and kill zombies than it is to face everyone.

But I feel bad I wasn't there for you.

Don't. I get it.

Will you meet me tomorrow and give me a full debrief?

Yeah.

I think I'll leave you to it, and we'll talk tomorrow.

Okay, Sarge. Good night.

Bye.

Pip?

Yeah?

I know what you're doing.

You're investigating Andie's case, aren't you?

I just have one question.

Why?

Firstly, I can understand how difficult this must...

No. You can't.

They got her smile wrong.

She... She had a dimple, just here.

I'm just trying to find out the truth.

It's not about the truth.

People act like this stuff is for the dead person, but it's not.

It's for them.

Hello, Sarge.

I've just made you one of my signature no-alcohol cocktails.

It's called the "Pipsmopolitan." It's like a Cosmopolitan, but with...

Where are you anyway?

I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna be able to come today.

I want to, I really do, but...

something's just come up, so I can't.

Hey. It's okay.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Don't worry. Just call me when you can about the Calamity party.

I still want to get the scoop.

Thank you.

And then Lauren said you'd disappeared into some cave hole with Dylan.

It was fine. I just went home.

I do want to know what happened with you and Ruby.

Well, we danced for a bit, and we kissed for a bit, and it was...

Then I came back to the dance floor and Lauren was freaking out

'cause you'd gone, and we didn't know where you were,

and you weren't answering texts, and I just...

felt really bad.

- I left a man behind and I'm really sorry. - No. It was my fault.

I was the one who left without saying anything.

So, what happened?

I went to the party to talk to a guy who knew Andie.

- Suspect? - Yeah.

It was scary.

Did he tell you anything?

Yeah.

It's just...

Usually, I know what to do.

Right now, I'm just kind of like my head's all over the place.

Hello? Hello, Pip.

Hi. What happened last night?

In what way?

Getting in with Josh. He said that you hogged the duvet.

Just didn't fancy sleeping alone.

Can I talk to you, please?

About what?

I need to practice for my mock Cambridge interview.

So, I spoke to Elliot earlier,

and he mentioned that you've been hanging out with Ravi Singh.

- No, I haven't. - Don't lie to me.

It's just EPQ stuff.

You promised me that you would not bother those families.

Anyway, Victor and I have discussed it,

and we've decided it's not an appropriate topic.

So, Elliot's going to talk to you on Monday about choosing a new topic,

maybe go back to Gothic literature or something.

Find something else to write about.

Okay?

Okay.

Vic's doing his minty lamb.

Do you want to come and help with chopping duties?

I know what you're doing.

Just have one question.

Why?

You think 'cause I deal drugs, I go around murdering teenage girls?

What if I do?

I got you something.

The quietest food in the world.

So, are you gonna tell me what we're doing here?

Andie kept her drug stash hidden in a toy rabbit

and she had a burner phone,

which probably contains a load of secret contacts

and messages that we don't know about.

And I'm willing to bet that both are inside that house.

So, sorry, you're suggesting we break into the Bells'?

Not break. Sneak.

I just know there's something in there.

Dawn and Jason have left for work.

Just waiting on Becca.

- Are you sure everything's okay? - Why wouldn't it be?

You can tell me I'm insane if you want. I'm still doing it.

I mean, you are insane.

But that's why a Sherlock needs a Watson.

I'll keep watch.

A Brown man sneaking into a White family's house is not a good look.

Look.

If I see danger, I'll text you a code word.

- What code word? - Marshmallow.

I'm afraid we're going to have to operate.

What?

Oi. What are you doing?

I was marshmallowing you. Becca's back. She must have forgotten something.

Monty?

Are you in here?

Oh, shit.

I think I just had a coronary event.

Wait.

No!

Oh, my God.

Burner phone?

- No.

Who is it? What do we do?

Find a back window and slide down the drainpipe.

Are you mad?

We went indoor rock climbing for Cara's last birthday.

Someone'll see. Let's just listen and make a run for it.

Fine.

- What are you doing? - There might be evidence!

It's full of drugs, if we get caught...

The old girl across the road said some youth was casing the joint.

No sign of forced entry. Shall I check the back?

I'm late to a Pilates class. Can't be too careful, Bex.

A pretty girl like you home alone.

How nice of you to care.

Wouldn't mind a cuppa while I look around.

The neighbour across the road...

- I need to leave soon. - It's not too far.

On three.

- Go, go, go, go! - I'm going, I'm going, I'm going!

- Go! - I'm going!

- That was incredible. - That was awful.

We were amazing.

Speak for yourself. I think I might have wee'd myself.

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