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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,859 --> 00:00:06,899 regular programming will not be seen at 2 00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:09,840 this time so we may bring you the Mad 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:14,059 Magazine TV special 4 00:00:20,779 --> 00:00:24,359 with the automobile manufacturer of the 5 00:00:24,359 --> 00:00:25,580 year 6 00:00:25,580 --> 00:00:30,080 the Academy Awards for Barons 7 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,400 bad X ravings 8 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,180 [Music] 9 00:00:35,180 --> 00:00:37,980 the odd father 10 00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:41,600 a peek behind the scenes at a hospital 11 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,460 and the kind of car that you've learned 12 00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:47,399 to expect from mad's usual gang of 13 00:00:47,399 --> 00:00:51,840 idiots the Mad Magazine TV special is 14 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:52,790 brought to you by 15 00:00:52,790 --> 00:01:03,220 [Music] 16 00:01:04,438 --> 00:01:07,200 hello there I'm Howard K bluntly 17 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,080 speaking to you from Detroit Michigan 18 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,460 we're here for another interview with 19 00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:14,340 people who make America great our guest 20 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,040 today is Mr etzel Lemon the famous 21 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,979 industrial Tycoon who was recently named 22 00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:23,939 as mads auto manufacturer of the year 23 00:01:23,939 --> 00:01:27,659 hmm well seeing all these new cars 24 00:01:27,659 --> 00:01:29,820 rolling out of the plant I'd assume that 25 00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:31,979 business is very good these days Mr 26 00:01:31,979 --> 00:01:34,619 Lemon now business is very rotten these 27 00:01:34,619 --> 00:01:36,540 days those are last year's cars rolling 28 00:01:36,540 --> 00:01:37,740 back into the plant to have their 29 00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:40,320 mechanical defects fixed some layout huh 30 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,659 we've got 38 000 men working on the 31 00:01:42,659 --> 00:01:44,020 assembly line 32 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:47,250 [Music] 33 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,560 comes in after school to work on our 34 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,010 anti-pollution device 35 00:01:54,010 --> 00:01:56,840 [Music] 36 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,880 this is the bumper section oh those men 37 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,100 are about to attach a bumper to a car 38 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:05,399 well I I had no idea a bumper was so 39 00:02:05,399 --> 00:02:07,619 heavy that it takes six men to carry oh 40 00:02:07,619 --> 00:02:09,119 no that's not because it's so heavy 41 00:02:09,119 --> 00:02:10,919 those six men are carrying it as a 42 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,020 safety precaution it's so brittle if 43 00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:15,180 they ever drop it it'll shatter into a 44 00:02:15,180 --> 00:02:17,400 million pieces 45 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,280 this is our accessory department where 46 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,040 we design all the Innovations like these 47 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,440 power seat covers the electric ash trays 48 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,620 and the Spiro Agnew dashboard clock I 49 00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:32,120 see and uh who needs these accessories 50 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,680 our dealers how do you expect them to 51 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,180 get rich if they can't sell at least 52 00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:37,620 three thousand dollars worth of 53 00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:38,940 accessories to go with every two 54 00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:41,700 thousand dollar car and that man I take 55 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,739 it is trying to make some new accessory 56 00:02:43,739 --> 00:02:45,900 from transistorized component no no no 57 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:47,940 no he's double checking the fine print 58 00:02:47,940 --> 00:02:49,739 in our new car warranty to make sure 59 00:02:49,739 --> 00:02:51,780 that everything that could go wrong is 60 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:55,140 always the customer's fault hop in I'll 61 00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:56,400 take you over to The Proving Grounds 62 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,319 where we're testing the prototypes of 63 00:02:58,319 --> 00:03:00,420 our new models come on every model 64 00:03:00,420 --> 00:03:02,879 prototype must successfully cover this 65 00:03:02,879 --> 00:03:05,040 very dangerous obstacle course now the 66 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,319 test driver starts the car at the top of 67 00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:10,500 that Hill there and rolls it nearly 500 68 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:13,379 feet to the bottom but but I don't see 69 00:03:13,379 --> 00:03:15,659 any obstacles are you kidding that's 70 00:03:15,659 --> 00:03:17,519 enough of an obstacle if our prototype 71 00:03:17,519 --> 00:03:20,459 can go 500 feet without falling apart we 72 00:03:20,459 --> 00:03:22,500 put it into production 73 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,260 now I'd like to show you our Safety 74 00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:26,819 Research Department well you've 75 00:03:26,819 --> 00:03:28,379 certainly got it in a beautiful building 76 00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:30,840 I must no no no this isn't it this is 77 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,879 our executive indoor golf course uh 78 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,540 Safety Research is over there 79 00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:37,319 [Applause] 80 00:03:37,319 --> 00:03:39,480 this is George he's working on new 81 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,819 safety belts that's right as you know 82 00:03:41,819 --> 00:03:44,400 the average car has two safety belts in 83 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,680 front well we've added five more belts 84 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,480 one runs from a dashboard to the rear 85 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,040 window one runs from the engine to the 86 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,659 trunk one runs from the roof the 87 00:03:51,659 --> 00:03:54,120 floorboard one runs of those five extra 88 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,400 belts should really make passengers safe 89 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,620 oh who cares about passengers we're 90 00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:01,739 using them to hold a car together 91 00:04:01,739 --> 00:04:04,200 a one about the pollution problem Mr 92 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,599 Lemon what are you doing about exhaust 93 00:04:06,599 --> 00:04:09,299 fumes that foul our air 94 00:04:09,299 --> 00:04:12,420 I'm happy to report that next year we 95 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,459 are doing something we are following the 96 00:04:14,459 --> 00:04:16,500 lead of cigarette manufacturers you mean 97 00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:18,720 like putting a filter on the end of the 98 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,540 exhaust pipe to trap the dangerous gases 99 00:04:21,540 --> 00:04:23,580 now like putting a sticker on the side 100 00:04:23,580 --> 00:04:26,340 of every car breathing in Auto exhaust 101 00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:28,560 fumes may be hazardous to your health 102 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,860 then basically you don't go along Henry 103 00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:35,040 Ford's ID on automobile production 104 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,100 who's Henry Ford well he discovered that 105 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:40,080 by keeping the same design year after 106 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,479 year he could afford to sell cars for 107 00:04:42,479 --> 00:04:44,639 three hundred dollars yeah no wonder I 108 00:04:44,639 --> 00:04:46,080 never heard of him I don't associate 109 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,060 with Tommy radicals come on I'll drive 110 00:04:48,060 --> 00:04:51,479 you home fine I've been looking at ads 111 00:04:51,479 --> 00:04:54,419 your cars and I hate say it but they're 112 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,880 misleading and deceptive you said 113 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,539 self-decepted they say uh your cars are 114 00:05:00,539 --> 00:05:02,820 durable and dependable you just showed 115 00:05:02,820 --> 00:05:04,860 me your cards and they're not adorable 116 00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:07,320 no oh I know but what difference does 117 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,180 that make even if we made good fast 118 00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:11,340 Dependable cars who'd ever know it when 119 00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:12,780 there's no room for them to move anyway 120 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,220 I see what you mean 121 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:15,840 [Music] 122 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,880 this is Howard K bluntly signing off 123 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:28,460 [Music] 124 00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:30,979 hello 125 00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:34,979 sweetie honey Daisy daddy time is over 126 00:05:34,979 --> 00:05:38,639 time to get dry and ready for Teddy bye 127 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:41,100 First We Take out the little rubber 128 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:44,699 dolly honestly Edna don't you think 129 00:05:44,699 --> 00:05:47,440 you're spoiling that duck a little 130 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,900 [Music] 131 00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:53,900 all right 132 00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:15,530 [Music] 133 00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:16,610 [Applause] 134 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:22,770 [Music] 135 00:06:22,770 --> 00:06:24,080 [Applause] 136 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,700 thank you 137 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:27,260 [Music] 138 00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:28,030 [Applause] 139 00:06:28,030 --> 00:06:28,670 [Music] 140 00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:31,760 [Applause] 141 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:45,360 [Music] 142 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,160 did you hear about the new trailer Camp 143 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,139 they opened up about five miles down the 144 00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:50,880 road it's a heck of a lot nicer in this 145 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,039 place I'm moving down there they really 146 00:06:53,039 --> 00:06:56,900 I'm going through so much 147 00:07:02,039 --> 00:07:04,700 well here goes the neighborhood 148 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:09,269 [Music] 149 00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:13,280 quick 150 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,639 [Music] 151 00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:21,000 ladies and gentlemen welcome to mad's 152 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:25,039 Academy Awards for parents 153 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,620 here in this overstuffed garishly 154 00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,660 decorated living room Mr Mrs Wilbur 155 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,400 nasal overlooking their other three and 156 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,680 a half uncomfortable rules we have 157 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,840 gathered to honor those people whose 158 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,400 acting performance is best illustrate 159 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,380 the time-honored and traditional 160 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:42,479 concepts of Parenthood that the winner 161 00:07:42,479 --> 00:07:45,120 will receive his lovely 14 carat solid 162 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,180 gold-plated statuette the mommy and now 163 00:07:48,180 --> 00:07:52,440 on with a show the nominees are or best 164 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,479 supporting actress in a teenager's 165 00:07:54,479 --> 00:07:58,020 sloppy room Mrs Elsie gladbach for her 166 00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,840 memorable performance in you're just 167 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,539 impossible what do you think I am your 168 00:08:03,539 --> 00:08:05,220 personal maid you think all I have to do 169 00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:07,080 is pick up after you your friend should 170 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,520 see how you keep your room up at their 171 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,020 rooms are near but their rooms are clean 172 00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,300 I'll bet their their rooms are worse 173 00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:14,160 don't change the subject it's your room 174 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,340 I'm talking about or best adaptation of 175 00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:19,560 an original getting rid of the kid for 176 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,680 the summer routine Mrs Alice Corker for 177 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,440 her heart-rending scene in It's you 178 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,960 we're thinking of darling you're leaving 179 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,660 her to us more than it hurts you how do 180 00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:32,159 you think we'll feel awesome along 181 00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:34,200 without our little man around the house 182 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,200 but don't worry about us we're happy to 183 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,120 sacrifice so you can have a wonderful 184 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,760 summer at cam but what if I hate Camp 185 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,799 you're right it's all about it while 186 00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:45,959 we're in Europe 187 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,019 or best original score in the typical 188 00:08:49,019 --> 00:08:51,060 coming late for supper song and dance 189 00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:54,480 Mrs Horton's inlay for her inspiring 190 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,959 number in I could drop dead for all you 191 00:08:57,959 --> 00:09:00,480 care what you care that I sweat all day 192 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,760 over a hot stove it was supposed to be 193 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,160 home half an hour ago instead of walsing 194 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,360 in late you should get down on your 195 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:07,860 hands and knees and be grateful you have 196 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:10,080 such a devoted mother well this is the 197 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:11,760 end for all I take and eat your dinner 198 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,160 cold what are we having for dinner tuna 199 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,760 fish salad or a special effect in the 200 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,040 you kids today have no respect for money 201 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,640 category Mrs Phyllis friebel for her 202 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,519 touching performance in upset who's 203 00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:29,100 upset you think bothers me that you 204 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:32,360 played football in your brand new 205 00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:35,399 your father's hard-earned money you 206 00:09:35,399 --> 00:09:37,380 think I'm upset but it'll take 15 or 20 207 00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:40,200 dollars to re-read it 208 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,420 to be my artist you think I'm angry 209 00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:45,600 angry gee mom I knew you'd understand 210 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,959 the winner is 211 00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:51,300 Mrs Richard close for a brilliant 212 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:56,760 reversal in I get no help around you who 213 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,140 do you think you are the queen from 214 00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,300 Sheba is it beneath you with the help of 215 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,980 the dishes are you afraid you'll sell 216 00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:04,320 your dainty little hands well from now 217 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,600 on everyone in this house does her share 218 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,420 or else she can move out 219 00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:12,120 move out don't you get sarcastic with me 220 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,720 young lady well that's it folks as mad's 221 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,700 Academy Awards for parents draw to a 222 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,519 close and the recipients and Opals rush 223 00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,320 for the exit so they can get home quick 224 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,240 and start screaming and raving and 225 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,579 carrying on trying to qualify for next 226 00:10:26,579 --> 00:10:29,180 year's coveted Awards believe it you all 227 00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:33,180 goodbye bye 228 00:10:33,630 --> 00:10:40,750 [Music] 229 00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:43,820 [Applause] 230 00:10:50,339 --> 00:10:53,339 hmm 231 00:10:56,850 --> 00:11:00,009 [Music] 232 00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:07,029 [Music] 233 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,200 I actually been a nurse in that room for 234 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,880 two weeks how come they're all rushing 235 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,180 in now it's tip time nurses can smell 236 00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:25,800 patients who are checking out a mile 237 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,320 away I guess you're right four of them 238 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,100 are from another hospital 239 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:34,380 the heart patient in 413 just had a 240 00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:37,140 serious relapse what happened when he 241 00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:38,760 rang the button over his head for a 242 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,020 nurse and one actually showed up 243 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:42,660 [Applause] 244 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,000 [Music] 245 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,820 Miss puddle you've got the name tags on 246 00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:50,339 these babies all mixed up now we'll 247 00:11:50,339 --> 00:11:52,800 never know which infant is which so 248 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,779 don't worry the mothers will never know 249 00:11:54,779 --> 00:11:55,120 either 250 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,639 [Music] 251 00:11:56,639 --> 00:12:00,180 hey who put a lock on this bathroom door 252 00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:02,519 bathroom doors and hospitals are not 253 00:12:02,519 --> 00:12:04,560 supposed to have luck I know they're 254 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,899 taking all the fun out of nursing now 255 00:12:06,899 --> 00:12:08,700 how can we walk in unexpectedly and 256 00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:11,300 embarrassed patients 257 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:14,820 ready to operate doctor okay Mr Gumball 258 00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:16,860 now just break this glass of whiskey and 259 00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:18,660 bite down on this bullet we'll have that 260 00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:21,000 little old gallbladder out in the jacket 261 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,980 PBA 262 00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:26,839 results of this new anesthesiologist 263 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:31,320 how awful if only he could have held on 264 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,779 for another hour why is his doctor 265 00:12:33,779 --> 00:12:35,639 coming no we could have charged him for 266 00:12:35,639 --> 00:12:38,220 an extra day nice what's the idea of 267 00:12:38,220 --> 00:12:40,320 allowing Mr Forbes to fall asleep you 268 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,820 know he's supposed to have the 269 00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:44,579 medication I prescribe the precisely 8 270 00:12:44,579 --> 00:12:47,339 P.M I'm sorry doctor it won't happen 271 00:12:47,339 --> 00:12:50,399 again okay now wake him up and give him 272 00:12:50,399 --> 00:12:53,519 the sleeping pills I gave the patient 273 00:12:53,519 --> 00:12:55,680 lunch and he threw up well that's not 274 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,240 unusual considering the fullness 275 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,860 Hospital uh try feeding him 276 00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,120 intravenously 277 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:04,579 and his vein threw up 278 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:10,399 come on try again 279 00:13:11,180 --> 00:13:13,320 now this has been going on for three 280 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,000 days now why can't you admit this 281 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,860 patient well he hasn't been able to tell 282 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:19,620 us his Blue Cross number but these 283 00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:22,079 charges are ridiculous 30 dollars per 284 00:13:22,079 --> 00:13:24,899 box of monogram stationary at two 285 00:13:24,899 --> 00:13:27,000 hundred and fifty dollars for a donation 286 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,220 to your new Sarah J Fingerhut Memorial 287 00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:31,860 Pavilion but sir one of our solicitors 288 00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:33,720 sold these to you right after you came 289 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,519 up from the recovery room I don't 290 00:13:35,519 --> 00:13:37,079 remember that at all of course you 291 00:13:37,079 --> 00:13:38,959 wouldn't you were Delirious at the time 292 00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:42,120 how big you charge me for a private room 293 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,579 when my bed was in the corridor because 294 00:13:44,579 --> 00:13:49,079 yours was the only bed in the corridor 295 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,060 where are you going with that garbage 296 00:13:51,060 --> 00:13:53,959 I'm taking it out to dump it easier 297 00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:57,360 some garbage going out that garbage is 298 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,200 the food coming in 299 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:22,289 [Music] 300 00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:33,839 I propose a toast the Don Vito 301 00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:36,000 minestrone the biggest synagogue leader 302 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,420 in the country 303 00:14:38,519 --> 00:14:40,560 hey you I'm with The Syndicate 304 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,540 Anti-Defamation League don't you know 305 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:43,860 you're not supposed to use the white 306 00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:46,680 Syndicate in this picture oh sorry uh 307 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,320 how about a toaster Don Vito minestrone 308 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,360 the biggest racketeer miter in the 309 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,279 country that's better 310 00:14:53,279 --> 00:14:55,740 what a fantastic makeup job how did they 311 00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:57,959 ever get and look so old I can't believe 312 00:14:57,959 --> 00:14:59,410 it's really Marlo Brandon 313 00:14:59,410 --> 00:15:01,820 [Music] 314 00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:04,680 yeah that's smaller Brandon all right oh 315 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,320 papa I'm so happy on my wedding day why 316 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,540 aren't you happy too why do you look so 317 00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:12,839 pained do you think it's easy to see a 318 00:15:12,839 --> 00:15:15,120 little girl grow up you think it's easy 319 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,940 to give her away to another man you 320 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:19,680 think it's easy to talk with eight 321 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,660 pounds of cotton in your cheeks 322 00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:26,940 what's an agenda today even there are 323 00:15:26,940 --> 00:15:29,100 people waiting to ask favors of you okay 324 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,440 bring them in one at a time and they 325 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,779 haven't paid their respect to the odd 326 00:15:33,779 --> 00:15:36,680 father this is Mr Bongiorno 327 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,680 minestrone 328 00:15:40,519 --> 00:15:44,160 you're so far so good and I gravel into 329 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,759 your feet 330 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:52,940 you left you okay now show some respect 331 00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:55,699 fear and illustrious 332 00:15:55,699 --> 00:15:58,079 manipulator of the world the 333 00:15:58,079 --> 00:16:00,540 government's the most exalted of a 334 00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:03,060 personages all on the be thy name 335 00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:06,240 beautiful now what can I do for you on 336 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:10,500 this holy occasion I want you to rub out 337 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:14,660 the two allows you thinks 338 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,000 how can I ever thank you 339 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,339 swear to me and your mother's grave that 340 00:16:20,339 --> 00:16:22,560 when I ask you for a favor you will 341 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,860 grant it what is the grade my mother she 342 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,560 isn't a dad yet just remember that when 343 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,380 I asked for a favor and now crawl out of 344 00:16:31,380 --> 00:16:33,839 here others are waiting number two oh 345 00:16:33,839 --> 00:16:36,259 God number two this is Angie Maggio 346 00:16:36,259 --> 00:16:37,820 Santa 347 00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:39,500 Lucia 348 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:44,040 Santa Lucia it's a miracle a miracle 349 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,620 what's a miracle I had just met the only 350 00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:49,320 Italian in the world who can sing what 351 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,839 can I do for you there's a great part in 352 00:16:51,839 --> 00:16:53,880 a new movie that I want but the producer 353 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,579 won't give it to me Haven tell the 354 00:16:56,579 --> 00:16:59,160 producer to give Mr Maggio reporter I 355 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,000 break his back oh thank you odd father 356 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:08,280 Santa Lucia Santa even tell Mr Maggio to 357 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,699 stop singing all right break his mouth 358 00:17:11,699 --> 00:17:14,819 I'm worried about blood so I think 359 00:17:14,819 --> 00:17:16,679 there's going to be Bloodshed between 360 00:17:16,679 --> 00:17:19,559 his family and ours and look at the big 361 00:17:19,559 --> 00:17:21,179 car barreling down the street maybe it's 362 00:17:21,179 --> 00:17:23,299 them 363 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:28,280 don't worry that's not them 364 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,280 don't worry that's not the 365 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,840 no you can worry 366 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,240 is he dead did those two hoods in the 367 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,340 big black Cog on him down well not 368 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:43,500 exactly when they got within 50 feet of 369 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,059 him a mug who was stealing a woman's 370 00:17:45,059 --> 00:17:46,799 purse ran into the path of a hijacked 371 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,240 truck going the wrong way at a one-way 372 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,799 Street which swerved into a drug Pusher 373 00:17:49,799 --> 00:17:51,360 stolen motorcycle they all fell on top 374 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,100 of him in other words he died of natural 375 00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:56,039 causes natural causes in New York that's 376 00:17:56,039 --> 00:17:58,020 an actual course hey wait a minute he's 377 00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:59,580 not dead after all he's trying to speak 378 00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:01,620 what's he saying it's hard to tell he's 379 00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:03,240 hurt so bad he's mumbling so I can't 380 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,220 understand him I got news for you he 381 00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:06,720 talks like that when he's not hurt too 382 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,500 how's my father doc well he's wretching 383 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,299 and he's gasping for breath and he's 384 00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,480 moaning a lot he's fighting for his life 385 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,720 no he's fighting for an Oscar it's me 386 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,350 migrant 387 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,919 [Music] 388 00:18:24,919 --> 00:18:27,600 my class at law school and in my spare 389 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,880 time I work for United Charities I'm 390 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,400 sorry I asked I'll pop don't start him 391 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,200 again I mean just because I believe in 392 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,059 Law and Order get out of here with your 393 00:18:36,059 --> 00:18:39,179 dirty mouth but pop get the stranger out 394 00:18:39,179 --> 00:18:42,059 bring me your songs Papa sometimes you 395 00:18:42,059 --> 00:18:43,320 get me so angry I'm afraid I won't be 396 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,940 able to control myself because you know 397 00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:46,320 what I feel like doing right now I feel 398 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,880 like killing you I feel like killing my 399 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:52,140 own father hey my boy's gonna be all 400 00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:53,039 right 401 00:18:53,039 --> 00:18:55,320 Micron would pop in a hospital and his 402 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,600 gangwalk going on we need you it's time 403 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,760 to join a family business but silly I 404 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,500 have great aspirations I'm going to be a 405 00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:03,600 governor or a senator listen kid if you 406 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,220 want to be a big time criminal like a 407 00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:06,840 governor or Senator you got to start at 408 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,940 the bottom and wake yourself up we want 409 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,440 you to meet plazo and Charlie's 410 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,420 Restaurant 411 00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:14,579 [Music] 412 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,740 hey what's the matter you're looking 413 00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,799 nervous no no no I'm not lots of Mr 414 00:19:25,799 --> 00:19:28,380 nervous I mean uh well what so will you 415 00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:31,200 you now where you're going huh oh I'll 416 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,580 be right back I just gotta go to The Gun 417 00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:34,919 Room this is the men's room I mean 418 00:19:34,919 --> 00:19:38,100 I almost blew it oh boy am I scared now 419 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:39,780 where do they stash the gun maybe left 420 00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:41,340 me a message and you hear something 421 00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:42,539 written on the wall 422 00:19:42,539 --> 00:19:46,400 your eyes ice Broken Heart 423 00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:48,900 okay now all I gotta do is remember what 424 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,179 they told me walk out calmly go up to 425 00:19:51,179 --> 00:19:52,620 Palazzo and shoot them twice in the head 426 00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:55,080 drop the gun and leave that's simple 427 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:59,470 enough to be calm be cool and above old 428 00:19:59,470 --> 00:20:04,650 [Applause] 429 00:20:04,860 --> 00:20:06,179 what happened 430 00:20:06,179 --> 00:20:08,039 samania came out of the men's room 431 00:20:08,039 --> 00:20:10,080 firing a gun looks like he shot 432 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,179 everybody in the place everybody but 433 00:20:12,179 --> 00:20:14,700 plotso how did he get it from 434 00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,440 complications brought on by eating too 435 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,140 much congini veal parmigiana and lasagna 436 00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:22,020 in other words he died of natural causes 437 00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:24,840 natural causes in an Italian restaurant 438 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,320 that's natural causes ah it's great to 439 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,299 have you home again Papa and I got good 440 00:20:30,299 --> 00:20:33,059 news Michael took care of plazo my 441 00:20:33,059 --> 00:20:35,880 little boy's first killing I'm so proud 442 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,620 of him remind me to have his gun bronze 443 00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:42,840 Lazy Moon Sicily waiting for the heat to 444 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,179 die down oh in the bathroom waiting for 445 00:20:45,179 --> 00:20:47,159 his stomach to die down 446 00:20:47,159 --> 00:20:51,000 tomato I can just save me this slopped 447 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,700 rosini pepperoni ravioli vermicelli 448 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:56,280 manicotti I know 449 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,900 but for breakfast 450 00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,179 what's that Kenny golly beat you up 451 00:21:00,179 --> 00:21:03,059 again did he think I'll kill him hold 452 00:21:03,059 --> 00:21:05,880 until I get there what I don't know how 453 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,559 hit him over the head with a lamp I'll 454 00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:09,299 push him down the stairs just don't do 455 00:21:09,299 --> 00:21:11,820 anything rash why are we following Cindy 456 00:21:11,820 --> 00:21:15,539 done minestrone suspect Collies waking 457 00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:18,059 the linguine and may be setting cine up 458 00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:21,720 so we gotta protect the men uh oh too 459 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,900 late 460 00:21:24,419 --> 00:21:26,760 poor cine Papa knew it would happen to 461 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,500 him one of these days Papa warned him so 462 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,480 many times you mean a dog was right 463 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,059 those willingweenies men in Disguise no 464 00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:35,039 they were real tall collectors Papa must 465 00:21:35,039 --> 00:21:36,659 have told him a thousand times never go 466 00:21:36,659 --> 00:21:38,280 up to a toll booth with a twenty dollar 467 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:39,539 bill 468 00:21:39,539 --> 00:21:41,940 I call this mating of all the families 469 00:21:41,940 --> 00:21:44,640 because my heart is broken my son 470 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,100 Cindy's dad and my boy Micron has been 471 00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:49,980 an exile in the bathroom for six months 472 00:21:49,980 --> 00:21:52,559 now between us we control the nation's 473 00:21:52,559 --> 00:21:55,740 gambling prostitution narcotics without 474 00:21:55,740 --> 00:21:57,659 us this whole country would come to a 475 00:21:57,659 --> 00:22:00,539 standstill I say it's time to get this 476 00:22:00,539 --> 00:22:03,539 country moving again this war must end 477 00:22:03,539 --> 00:22:06,120 we must stop destroying each other and 478 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,400 start destroying those plain ordinary 479 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,919 citizens again like normal American 480 00:22:10,919 --> 00:22:15,059 businessmen the greed agreed agreed yeah 481 00:22:15,059 --> 00:22:15,670 agreed 482 00:22:15,670 --> 00:22:17,179 [Music] 483 00:22:17,179 --> 00:22:20,880 I got to do that too you only have to 484 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,240 kiss him you don't have to marry him 485 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,039 unless there's no more war between the 486 00:22:26,039 --> 00:22:28,620 families now I can live to a ripe old 487 00:22:28,620 --> 00:22:32,400 age and peace you chased me Grandpa of 488 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,679 course I chase you Angie my little 489 00:22:34,679 --> 00:22:36,960 grandson and then we will play some 490 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,600 Syndicate Kitty games like hide and 491 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,120 think and cops and good guys 492 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,559 oh 493 00:22:43,559 --> 00:22:45,600 the odd father is dead 494 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,400 he suffered a heart attack chasing 495 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:48,600 little Angie 496 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,140 he was a kind man a gentle soul a 497 00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:53,820 good-hearted person had a decent human 498 00:22:53,820 --> 00:22:56,700 being did he say any last words before 499 00:22:56,700 --> 00:22:59,460 he died yeah he wants someone to lean on 500 00:22:59,460 --> 00:23:00,840 the kid 501 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,539 boys with done minestrone dead I'm 502 00:23:03,539 --> 00:23:05,460 taking over his head of older families 503 00:23:05,460 --> 00:23:08,700 not so not so less Linguini it's Micron 504 00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:11,059 minestrone is back from the bathroom 505 00:23:11,059 --> 00:23:13,919 he's beginning to act like the odd 506 00:23:13,919 --> 00:23:16,140 father now let's get things straight 507 00:23:16,140 --> 00:23:18,900 I'm in charge here he's beginning to 508 00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:22,080 look like the odd father and from now on 509 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,400 when I say ghosts do I make myself 510 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,400 clearly 511 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:32,340 he's even beginning to sound like the 512 00:23:32,340 --> 00:23:36,000 odd father and I got plans big plans 513 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,460 we're gonna make millions 514 00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:42,179 he used the odd father now here's what 515 00:23:42,179 --> 00:23:45,299 we're gonna do we're going legit we're 516 00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:47,760 going to show business we're gonna make 517 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,700 a movie about us can't you just see it 518 00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:53,640 now theodon is everywhere will show it 519 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,240 who else critics everywhere will love it 520 00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,240 or else yeah and people everywhere will 521 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,400 be standing in line waiting to see it 522 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,340 for reals yeah and it will win an 523 00:24:05,340 --> 00:24:09,120 Academy Award or else yeah well we'll 524 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,279 start the movie off of my sister Kenny's 525 00:24:11,279 --> 00:24:13,980 wedding and then what will happen 526 00:24:13,980 --> 00:24:17,120 still awake 527 00:24:18,059 --> 00:24:21,600 the Mad Magazine TV special has been 528 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,080 brought to you by 529 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:23,460 [Applause] 530 00:24:23,460 --> 00:24:26,940 [Music] 531 00:24:26,940 --> 00:24:28,940 e 532 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,609 [Applause] 533 00:24:40,310 --> 00:24:40,690 [Music] 534 00:24:40,690 --> 00:24:43,800 [Applause] 535 00:24:43,800 --> 00:25:00,869 [Music] 536 00:25:09,980 --> 00:25:12,659 thank you 537 00:25:12,659 --> 00:25:15,659 foreign 538 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,440 collection of trash cannot in any way 539 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,140 shape or form be interpreted as 540 00:25:31,140 --> 00:25:34,640 constructive programming 541 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:42,049 [Music] 36734

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