All language subtitles for Sausage.Party.Foodtopia.S01E06.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

♪ Foodtopia ♪

We interrupt what
would have been

the beginning of my six-part series
on stickers to bring you this story.

Last night, there was a
high-speed hot potato pursuit,

where one spud's recklessness caused
over 80,000 teeth worth of damage

to downtown Foodtopia.

It also left three fruits bruised,
four cupcakes severely smushed,

one pineapple frond-less.

We were able to obtain this
footage from the chase.

Brenda, Brenda you wondrous bun.

Do you not know that
your pursuit is futile?

Or do you refuse
to surrender hope?

Alas…

We caught up with the victim of
the recent tooth theft, Julius,

seen here, leaving his luxurious
but tasteful penthouse.

Julius! Julius! Over
here, over here.

All right. I have time for one
question. You, the soda bottle.

What do you say to the potato who stole
your teeth, and who's your town crush?

When I find that potato, I'm going
to put it back in the fucking ground.

And for town crush, let's
go with Wendy the Pickle.

Julius! Julius, Julius,
wait! What about Donna?

The Lemon!

The task force response
has been swift.

They've been rounding
up russets all morning

and one officer
even struck gold.

Sorry. Struck a Yukon gold.

Point is, it's a bad
time to be a potato.

Let go of me.

Look. Look, I want to bring in
the potato as much as you do,

but let's not lose sight of the fact
that there a humey on the loose.

I need bodies to help
me scan the dark zone.

Chris? Kishka?

Et tu, Iced Tea?

Hey, sorry Bare,

Julius is dangling a hefty reward
to whoever brings in the potato.

And I could really use those
teeth for my girl, Hot Cocoa.

She got expensive taste.

Step forward. Say
the line. One potato.

"Time to peel out,
motherfucker."

Two potato.

"Time to peel out,
motherfucker."

Three potato.

"Time to peel out,
motherfucker."

Four.

Time to peel out, you
cocksucker motherfucker!

None of these
potatoes are right.

The one who stole the teeth
wasn't as small as a fingerling,

but wasn't as big as a
fully grown russet, neither.

It's almost like it was right
in between those two sizes.

Yeah, it was more medium height.

Almost like, uh,
mm, I don't know,

like a hot dog-sized potato.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

I fucking knew it, baby.

Can you believe Brenda?

It's like, do you want
to win this thing or not?

I got us teeth.

There's foods
working for us now.

I have Butter, Jam, and
Mayo spreading the word.

That's a lot of condiments.
Really exciting list.

"Abolish teeth." She is
living in a fantasy world.

Hey, Brenda, I got an idea.

Why don't you join
us in the real world

where an evil orange is
ruining our food society?

She's always doing this,
even back in Shopwell's.

She just had this
optimistic faith.

I get it. Breakups are hard.
I got dumped once, too.

I mean, I get dumped once
all the time, actually.

Once at the mall, once at the
movies. Once at my mom's funeral.

What? Whoa. We just had a
tiny fight. She didn't dump…

Yeah, sure. That's what I'm
always telling myself too.

And then, you find your
girlfriend in a mall

doing one of those cool VR
experiences with another guy.

And then you find yourself getting
pushed into a mall fountain by that guy.

Then you try to whip coins at the guy,
but you just nail a bunch of other people.

It's just a bummer.

We used to be on the same
page about everything.

I keep thinking
about what she said.

I don't believe in myself, that's
why I'm using you as a crutch.

What's wrong with crutches?
They take the pressure off.

Plus, without crutches, my
leg would've never healed

after the mall fountain
broke it in three places.

Hey, look me in the eye,

Frank…

Hey, don't doubt yourself.

I didn't wanna say it before
'cause I'm kinda scared of her,

but Brenda's off the rails.

You should be doing most of
the talking at the debate.

Right. Yeah, the debate. Better
go find her so we can prepare.

Or, or… Hear me out.

You can stay and I
can help you prep.

Debates are like arguments,
and I've gotten into tons.

Lost pretty much all of them, and
that means I know what not to do.

Also means that I've
looked at a lot of winners,

and I think I'm looking
at one right now.

- Okay, I'm listening.
- First thing: your posture.

It's so wobbly.

- Is that a bad thing?
- No, no, it's great.

Makes you relatable. Not stiff
or uptight. A real every-food.

But I can be even wobblier if you
want. I can flip-flop around like this.

Well, now you sound
like a president.

Look, guys, look. Teeth have
caused our society to decay.

Fridge allocation should be
based on who needs it the most,

not who can afford it.

I can't even clap.

Oh, jeez. Look at Milk. Look at him.
Oh, he's hurtling for a curdling.

But I will make you whole again.

I will make you whole, Milk.

I eavesdropped on
the bun’s polemic,

pondering if one shapely
mass of risen yeast

can really tear down a system

without being buried and made
moldy in its ruinous wake.

With each tiny, vestigial
wrist she shook,

Brenda wondered, did she
really have the strength

- to carry the weak to…
- Uh, hey Veiner?

Uh, can you stop following
me around constantly

and monologuing my thoughts
to me? Could you do that?

- Thanks.
- They're our thoughts now, Brenda.

I fear the lines between subject and
documentarian are becoming blurred

- as we embark upon this journey to…
- Hello, Brenda.

I'm Tina Turnip, the head of
your ground roots operation.

I’m leading the five troop
of Girl Scout Cookies

that are ready to
go door-to-door for…

♪ Youuuu ♪

Oh, and as far as the payment
of teeth that were promised.

Mm-hmm.

Should we settle with
you or with Frank?

Not with me.

Okay.

Vote for Frank and Brenda! Everybody,
vote for Frank and Brenda now.

Vote for Frank and Brenda now.

Share-sies! Vote for
Frank and Brenda!

Brenda, we need to
talk. Where's Frank?

Huh, Frank? Oh, he's
right behind you.

- Whoa!
- Goddamn it, Veiner.

My opponent believes in the
survival of the freshest.

But I believe we can all survive by
making the world a fresher place.

That's fucking beautiful, Frank.

And that isn't just the
bath salts talking either,

though they do make the world a
more vibrant and colorful place.

You know, this week has arguably
been the weirdest week of my life.

Arguably?

But it's turned into one of
the most fulfilling ones, too.

I never really got to
contribute anything to humanity,

mostly because nobody
wanted my contribution.

So, I appreciate
you letting me help.

Well, it's nice to feel supported and
have someone actually believe in me.

Oh, I fully believe in you.
Everything that you're building.

And maybe one day I could…

- What?
- You know, be a part of it.

Oh, um… I mean…

I know I'm not technically a food,
but maybe once you're leader,

you could convince all the
other foods to accept me.

- Like you have?
- Yeah.

I mean, it feels like an uphill
battle, if I'm being honest with you.

But, you know, as long
as you keep gobbling up

your own kind instead of us, I'd
say you have a chance, humey.

I feel weird calling you "humey" still.
Do you have a name? Do humans have names?

- It's Jack.
- Huh. I know a Jack. He's a fruit.

- What's he look like?
- I think he's round. Maybe he's spikey?

Is that the one that's
purple on the inside?

Honestly, I can't remember. But
you know what? It doesn't matter.

Because from now on, every time I
think of Jack, I'll think of you.

So, we should get back to it.

Yeah. Yeah, we should
get back to it.

Comfortable?

- No.
- Good.

- Barry, is this really necessary?
- I'll be asking the questions.

Starting with this.

You recognize the individual
being represented in this picture?

It's your dog, Frank, in potato-head,
which is, of course, despicable.

And somehow that's not even close
to the worst thing he's done.

But it's not just
him, is it Brenda?

Nah, nah…

Might as well make yourself comfortable.
We're gonna be here a while.

Here's how it's gonna go.

First, I'm gonna break you down,
make you feel like you're… nothing.

Then I'm going to win your
trust back piece-by-piece.

- Comfort you, until you finally confess…
- We took the humey. I'm sorry!

We never should have lied
to you. You're our friend.

- We just didn't think you'd understand.
- I don't!

I've never understood
anything less.

See? We thought we needed
his help, but you were right.

We're food and we can handle
food problems on our own.

By lying and committing
high-speed tooth heists?

That was Frank, to boost
our chances of winning,

which is the whole
other problem.

Our society is fucked.
Everything's about teeth.

I don't disagree with that.

My entire task force
is on the tooth take.

That's why I want to start over,
both as a bun and a society.

We lost our way and no one's
more lost than our little Frank.

He's in deep, Barry.

He's fallen under
the humey's spell.

- Aw, shit.
- What? What?

Let's go break it.

And with my No Chili
Left Behind policy,

every single bean will have a
place to lay their head at night.

I think someone just nabbed
the highly coveted legume vote.

There's just one last topic
we haven't touched upon yet.

How do you feel about humans?

What?

They might ask, right?

I mean, you know, I…
absolutely hate them.

What do you hate about them?

And remember, be specific.

I hate their big ears that
listen to my problems.

I hate their blue eyes,
that see things in myself.

I can't…

Mm-hmm. What else?

I hate how they make me
feel smart and capable.

- Go on.
- I hate their mouths.

They're big, wet,
hot, circular mouths.

Jack, what are we doing?

♪ I need you now ♪

♪ More than words can
say I need you now ♪

♪ I've got to find a way ♪

♪ I need you now ♪

♪ Before I lose my mind ♪

♪ I need you now ♪

♪ Oh-o-oh oh ♪

Okay, I'm ready.

Let's go. Back it in. Yep.

Little to the left. Little to the right.
That’s good. Line it up! Line it up!

So, how's this supposed to work?

Uh, I think we just have to list

all the ways in which his
addiction to the humey has hurt us.

And then he needs to stop completely
or risk losing us forever.

It's gonna be hard. I'm
still really pissed at him.

Yeah, me too. But look we
need to rise above that

and let him know we're here for
him. No matter… What the fuck?!

Brenda! Barry!

No! Don’t look! This is…
It’s not what you think!

- Oh, God, what is that?
- What the fuck?!

Even if you did look,
it's not what you thought!

So, you're not
fucking that humey?

And he didn't just shoot a
bunch of goo all over you?

No! No, that's Mayo,
I swear. Say hi, Mayo.

Hi, guys, it’s me, Scott Mayo!

This is what I look
like outside of the jar!

Gross, gross! Oh,
my God, stop that!

That’s not Scott Mayo,
you humey-fucker!

- Shit, Jack, get us out of here.
- You got it, baby.

He wasn’t even in his cockpit when they
ran off. Who was piloting who there?

Oh, God!

Oh, fuck! I cannot believe
that just happened!

Dude, me too. That was crazy.

- Like, I made love to a hot dog.
- Not that!

Brendan and Barry just
caught me fucking you, dude.

This is so fucked. I'm
running for fucking leader.

I do not need this shit.
I do not need this.

Frank, Frank, it's
fine. Slow down.

Okay, look me in the eye.

Frank… what are we doin'?

Stop it, dude! No!

I need to focus! The debate,
it's like, right now.

I'll tell you what's not up for
debate: How fucking hot you are.

Will you fucking cut it out? How am I
supposed to take the stage with Brenda?

- She fucking hates me so much.
- It's not ideal,

but a lot of presidents
have had sex scandals.

- In some cases, makes them more popular.
- Did any of them get caught

fucking a different species that
is also their sworn enemy species?

No. I guess that would be like
a president getting caught

fucking a bear, a shark, or something.
No. But don't worry. You got this.

- Stay wobbly!
- Stay wobbly? Shut the fuck up, man.

This is a fuckin' disaster.

Sammy sells sesame seeds
by the sesame seed store.

Sammy sells…

- I just got the latest Scallop poll.
- Okay, okay. What did she say?

That Frank and Brenda have pulled
ahead. I stand to lose everything.

Oh, well, that's a shame.

Which means you stand
to lose everything.

What? Jesus! But I, ya
know, I just got accustomed,

you know, to having everything!

Then you know what you have
to do. Pull out all the stops!

Anything you can do as host to make
me look good and them look bad.

I've come too fucking far
to lose everything now.

I need you to bury them.

Welcome and good evening.

Tonight, we crown
Foodtopia's next top leader.

The rules for
tonight are simple.

I'm going to ask hard, penetrating
questions to each of the candidates.

And all you have to do is stand in front
of the food that you want to vote for.

Got it? Okay, great!

Now, please welcome your first
candidate, the orange, Julius.

Brenda, hey.

Okay, first let me just say
about what you may be thinking…

Don't fucking talk to me, you
humey goo-gobbling traitor.

We need to talk considering we’re
about to take the stage together.

And his opponents,
Frank and Brenda.

What the hell? Why didn't
we get a cool intro?

Hey, I'll ask the questions around
here, and the first one is a doozy.

Frank and Brenda, a lot of foods
have been referring to you,

and I quote, as "liars,
schemers, cheaters."

Unlike Julius, who has been
described as fair, sweet, Rubenesque…

I don't know what bullshit this
is, but I have an announcement.

I am no longer
running for leader…

…with Frank.

I'm running on my own.
Someone bring me a shot glass.

Whoo! Go Brenda! New
candidate! New line!

My ex-running-mate
Frank is a dirty dog.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah.
He's a dirty, dirty dog.

And it has become very apparent

that Frank and I do not value
the same things anymore.

- Most notably, Frank…
- No, no, please don't tell them I fucked…

He wants to work
within this system,

but I see a tooth gap
that's widening every day.

He thinks the solution is to give
teeth from rich foods to poor foods.

But I say… we get rid
of teeth altogether.

- Brenda, what are you doing?
- We should be sharing everything.

Okay. There will be time later
on for wild, unpopular rants.

- But let's get back to…
- Hey, who owns that hot rod?

No, you don't,

'cause it would also belong to that Plum
over there and that Box of Rigatoni!

- Holy shit, I would own a car?
- Yes. Yes.

You'd own everything
and nothing.

See? Vote for me, and together,
we will tear down the system!

What are you still doing in
Frank's line? Get over here!

Gee… half of me wants
to vote for Frank.

The other half wants
to vote for Brenda.

- What do we do? I'm split.
- They're splitting our vote.

What did I tell you? Foods are scared of
your radical bullshit. You're fucking us.

You want to talk about fucking?
'Cause I can talk about fucking.

That's okay. Forget what I
said. Stick to the issues.

Y'all want to hear
something fucked up?

Only the moderator is
permitted to ask questions and…

Please go back to that fucked
up thing you were about to say?

Frank fucked a humey!

Witness. Witness.
Not to kink shame,

but it was gross. I hated
it. You should be ashamed.

What? That… is…
uh… preposterous.

Uh, it's a lie. Here's
what's happening.

Uh, Brenda, see, she's losing
'cause of her shitty platform.

And now she's resorting to
baseless, insane accusations,

which is easy to do.

Watch this. Brenda
fucked a brick.

Better to fuck a brick than
bear hugging a humey's funny leg

until it glazes you
with its funny juice.

Where are you going? Come
back. Please come back.

I'm not a humey-fucker. I'm a food fucker.
I'm serious. I'll fuck every one of you.

- Just give me the chance!
- And get that humey stank all over them?

- No way!
- Shut up, Brenda.

Shut up, Frank!

So, you can throw your vote away
on one of these two hot messes,

or vote for me, Julius, baby!

Jam! Let’s run it back!

- No! Where are you going? We're viable!
- We are still viable candidates!

And on that note, which
I would call a high C,

the food had spoken and by
an overwhelming majority.

Your new leader of Foodtopia
is everybody's favorite orange,

Julius!

I'm here for you! Yes!

I am a food of the food!

- For the food and by the food!
- Wait for me.

Loss, despair, tragedy.

A power couple falls
apart at the seams.

And with this, the very social
fabric of Foodtopia unspools.

Shut the fuck up, Veiner.