All language subtitles for Sausage.Party.Foodtopia.S01E04.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

♪ Foodtopia ♪

Get your bets in right here!

- Hey, hey, give me one tooth on Beans.
- Give me two teeth on Tuna!

Come on! Come on, Beans!

♪ You're in a toy
car in a toy store ♪

♪ Today your driving
skills Are on display ♪

♪ You are a can racing a can ♪

♪ A bet ♪

♪ Driving remote
control machines ♪

♪ And now you're heading
Toward the toy train ♪

♪ And the motor That
you're driving's insane ♪

♪ So and now, now, now,
now It looks at your name ♪

♪ Ooh, Can of Tuna ♪

Gah! Son of a bitch!

Hey, now! Pay up, ya
legume-filled laggard!

Hi, there. Sorry to
break up the fun.

Just want to say this is a
lovely home you have here,

and, well... I'd
like to have it.

Ahh, ye take us for dullards?!

I wasn’t canned yesterday.

We have no intention of handing this
newly discovered land fortress over.

Unless ye plan to plunder us?

No, no, there'll
be no plundering.

Congratulations on the single
tooth you won in your race.

- I hope you're happy with it.
- I am.

Every food loves teeth.

Their symbolism
be lost on no one.

Let me let you in on a little
secret: One tooth isn't cool.

You know what's cool?

One hundred and seven teeth.

Go ahead and count 'em.
Lots of white ones in there,

yellow ones, too.

There's some babies'. Oh!

See the molar caught
your eye. Nice, isn't it?

That’s a bicuspid.

There’s some snaggles in there.

That’s a matched set. Put
them together, there’s a gap.

Look at all that
grade A mouth bone.

Aye, by the north wind,
that’s a lotta loot.

You got a deal,
me orange-hearty!

- Ha-ha!
- Push! Push!

So long.

Ya fuckin' morons.

I own all this!

Even you.

Lavash, my love.

When I'm with you, I-I
feel like I-I have no hole.

'Cause it's filled
with your love,

your admiration,

and, yep, occasionally,
your speckled doughy...

Hey, what... what were
you just screaming about?

What, was I screaming?

Just a night terror. I'd rather
not unpack it at the moment.

- It was a fun night.
- Yeah, yeah. Now it's over.

Yeah. No more excitement.

No more love will be given.

No more attention will be paid.

I guess this is, this is life
now. Just sitting here...

replaying the glory days,

knowing there's not going
to be a quick and easy...

Answer to all my problems!

Cool.

I mean, jeez, look at
that, they love him.

This attention box. It's
exactly what I need.

Oh! Yeah! Mm. Take
that motherfucker.

Ooh. Ooh. Hey!

- Oh. Aah!
- Wow. Hey.

You got quite an audience there.

Can I have a turn?
Maybe just a tight five.

Thanks a lot, Bread Boy,
you made me miss a step.

No, I'm-I'm... Look, I'm sorry.

Just, you know, I'm looking for an
outlet to share my gift with the world,

and this just seems
like a perfect format.

Get your own high-tech
broadcasting system.

This one's taken.

You don't understand.
I need this.

No, you don't understand.

This is my place, and I don't
give a shit what you need.

I care about one thing
and one thing only,

- and that's this.
- No!

Rage!

Fucked with the wrong bagel.

Wait!

Hey, how about a round of
applause for my opening act,

the injured cereal box.

I'm back. Okay, let's get
this show on the road.

Um... So my ex saw me having sex
with another food the other day,

and, uh, I guess you'd have to
say I really was in a pickle.

Do you think this humey
will eat one of his own?

He said he's hungry, didn't he?

It's not like we're gonna
feed him one of our own.

So either he starves or...

bon appé-feet!

Hey! Watch it. What the...?

- Well, shit, man.
- You all right?

- No! Have you seen Pops?
- What Pops?

That shifty old-timey popsicle?

I had a tooth in my pocket, and he
run up with a pick and stole it.

He tooth pick-pocketed you?

But-but-but foods wouldn't
steal from other foods.

Yeah? Well, tell that to the
motherfucker what yoinked my shit!

It's happening everywhere.

Hey! Somebody stop her!

Okay, hold on, all right?

We don't know the
full story there.

I had a tooth and she stole it!

Okay. Now we do.

This is a problem.

Shit, here comes
another problem.

Oh no, does he know what we did?
Is he coming to confront us?

- I don't know. Just act natural.
- Okay...

- Ow! What are you doing?
- I can't remember how to act naturally.

You start by pinching me?

- Hey there, Barr.
- That's not natural.

Hey, guys. What you up to? Can I...
Can I hang out with you all day? Um...

Uh... all day?

Yeah, well, from, like, from now til
bedtime. I don't... I mean... What are

- you guys carrying this foot around for?
- Oh, uh, nothing.

I mean, we just... We just
wanted this, uh, this rolly shoe.

Yeah, the foot's not important.
We just couldn't get it out.

- I didn't even. I didn't see it there.
- Yeah.

- Did you notice there was a foot in here?
- No, I just saw that just now.

- Weird.
- Just leave it in there.

I'll help you get it out of there. I know
a thing or two about this. Here we go.

- Oh!
- No, you don't have to.

Once saved food society, now
I'm just some dumb schmuck

pulling feet out of rolly shoes, right?
But that's what I've been reduced to.

The only thing that makes it better is
knowing we'll be hanging out till bedtime.

What the hell? What
does that even mean?!

- We can't hang out with him until bedtime.
- No, it's an absurd request.

It's so specific. We gotta
get him off our backs.

Frank, we can't just get rid of
him. Look how sad and lost he is.

He has nothing. Not a thing.

Hey, maybe you can actually help us
with a little something more pressing

- and a lot more dangerous.
- What is it?

Foods are stealing from each
other. We need a system to stop it.

You're the only food that
is heroic enough to run it.

Damn, that stiffened
me right up.

Yeah, looks like you
gained about an inch there.

Ooh.

Hey, you stealing? Over
my dead meat, baby.

Hey, Frank, remind me to
introduce you to someone later.

- Who?
- A problem we can't handle.

Oh, wait, it doesn't exist.

I know your frail bodies
require sustenance.

So, here, we got you
something to eat.

Oh, my God! I don't
know how to thank you.

I understand what a huge moral conundrum
this must have been for you, so...

Not really. We kind of kicked
the moral conundrum over to you.

Oh, and it's a lady's foot!

I don't know why that makes
it worse, but it does.

Wait, but if I don't eat it,
isn't that somehow more sexist?

What am I talking myself
into? I can't eat a foot.

Can't eat a foot.
What an asshole.

Yeah, well, I bet you could
eat me though, right, huh?

Could you bring
yourself to do that?

I, uh, don't know.

Oh, you know. I bet just by looking at
me, you can remember what I taste like.

- Brenda, take it easy.
- No! I bet this guy wants to eat me.

Yeah? What? Hey, you
want to spread me open?

Yeah. Squirt some mustard on me.

Pop a radish on my head.

Dunk me in a soda, smear me on a
watermelon slice, and then eat me?

- Is that it?
- I would never do that.

- That flavor profile is insane!
- Flavor profile.

Did you hear that, Frank?
He's flavor profiling me.

Okay, look, I'm sorry.

A foot is just a lot
to wrap my head around.

Maybe if you got me some fingers
I could fry them in oil or...

Or... Oh, my God. Of course. Of
course, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Oil is a person to you.

Oh, I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean that.

Frank, let's bounce.

Don't leave me here alone.

Thought you wanted me to help
you create your food society.

We're viewing you more as a rainy day
human, as in saving you for a rainy day.

Or a bird day, or any
day we don't understand.

But we don't need you right now.

The last thing we want is our society
resembling your fucked up human society.

We're doing things the food way.

Okay, so I'm creating a task
force to patrol the streets

and crack down on tooth theft.

To all the volunteers,
when I call you by name,

please step forward and get
your badge and cocktail sword,

which will give you a sense of
irrational power that I know

will not be a problem
going forward.

Chris Bologna.

Kishka Hargitay.

Hi, Kishka.

Iced Tea.

And all the rest.
Let's hit the streets!

♪ Bad foods, bad foods
comin' after you ♪

♪ Comin' after you When
you steal a tooth ♪

♪ Bad foods, bad foods
comin' after you ♪

♪ Comin' after you When
you steal a tooth ♪

♪ Bad foods, bad foods,
comin' after you ♪

♪ Comin' after you When
you steal a tooth ♪

The juice is loose!

♪ Bad foods, bad foods
comin' after you ♪

♪ Comin' after you When
you steal a tooth ♪

♪ Bologna man gettin'
in your face ♪

♪ The Kishka
spreading your legs ♪

♪ Iced Tea gotcha
runnin' for days ♪

♪ And the Barry man He
don't play, don't play ♪

All right, Cream, we know you're
friends with Pops. Where's he at?

Yeah, all right. What
do you want from me?

I know lots of pops: soda
pops, ring pops, blow pops.

- I even know a couple fucking lolli...
- Save it!

You know which Pops
we're talking about.

"Icle," man. Pops-icle

Ow! Hey, watch the tub, man.

All right, look,
he's over there.

Stay cool, thanks for the tooth.

Pops! Freeze!

That's what I'm trying to do!

Officers.

Open the fuckin' door!

Sorry, Pops. Party's over.

Hey, where the
hell you takin' me?

Oh, wouldn't you like to know?

What are we supposed to do with Pops
and the other foods we caught stealing?

I got this one.

Food Court is now in session.

All y'all rise right now for the
Honorable Judge Rutabaga Ginsburg.

We did it again.

You're welcome, Foodtopia.

Okay, our first case is

Red Lentils versus Pops.

- So, what's the problem?
- Pops' the one that stole my tooth.

The ol' chopper-stealing bitch.

Pops, is that accurate?

- Sure is, and I'd do it again.
- No remorse.

Don't worry, Frank. They caught
the bastard. The system's working.

But you don't understand.

It-it's not that cut and dry.

Pops only did what he had to do.

I was melting to death.

Not just me. My
young'uns: Cream, Fudge...

the whole Icle family on
the brink of liquification.

We needed a freezer and fast.

But freezers ain't coming
cheap in ol' Foodtopia.

That's why I had to
steal Red Lentils' tooth.

This goddamn place made
me change who I was.

And the worst part is,

by the time I came back
with my ill-gotten tooth,

every Icle in my family
had melted anyway.

I can still picture little Fudgey's
face sliding down the side of his body,

splattin' all over the
floor and my shoes.

- Look.
- Shoes off the witness tray.

Ugh. Sad to see, but this
is a food court of law,

and much like the airtight
sealing on a jar of pickles,

laws must never be broken.

I hereby order Pops to return
the teeth to Red Lentils.

Bay Leaf!

If everyone has now
finished gasping,

the court will now hear the
case of Spritzer versus Romaine,

who is accused of
stealing three baby teeth.

Uh, are you noticing a
disturbing trend in all the foods

that are on trial for stealing?

Still plenty of fridge space to rent
in my spacious, six-shelf walk-in!

Comes fully equipped with central cooling,
no natural light and butter shelf doorman.

Don't have enough
teeth for a fridge?

We also sell cold water
squares for half the price.

Or be the envy of all your food
friends when you hit the open road

in your sleek new wind up or
RC. Batteries not included.

The fuck? Are foods using
teeth to barter for goods?

And services.

- Move it!
- Hey, stop hogging the blow zone.

What the hell is this?

We got food slums now?

And we're punishing
foods for stealing teeth.

But it's like they're only doing
that because they need them to live.

Oh, fuck. This is bad.

I don't know what to
do. I'm spinnin' out.

Is this something we should
be talking to the humey about?

No, no, no, no. Frank. Frank...

This isn't water from the sky or flying
monsters. We don't need the humey

and we don't want to be infected
by his evil basic-bitch ideas.

This is a food problem, and we need
to come up with a food solution.

A "food-lution." See? Ha! I just
came up with a "food-lution"

for the problem that "food" and
"solution" were too many goddamn words.

- See? I just did it there.
- You're right. It's simple.

Some foods have a lot of
teeth, some foods have none.

So, we ask the foods, uh, who have a lot
to just give some to the foods that don't.

Yeah, this is not
remotely controversial.

And every food is gonna
be onboard with this.

Great. How do we
get the word out?

Okay, how about this one?

What do you call a noodle that's
trying to be something it's not?

An im-pasta!

That's the same joke
structure as the last one.

You're the imposter.

Hack!

Hey, what are you... Don't,
don't leave in the middle.

No, come on, Sammy,
you're losin' 'em.

You're losing them. Think, think,
think. How do I stay relevant?

Sammy, we need you to deliver
a public service announcement

that absolutely
everyone has to hear.

Ooh. Yeah.

Good evening.

I, of course, am Sammy Bagel.

You know my first guests
from starting the revolution

and most recently creating
our justice system.

Frank and Brenda.

Terrific. Yeah. No. Frank,
Brenda, love you kids.

Now, I hear that you've
got a big announcement.

Yes, we do.

Basically, we have devised a system,
a pretty clever little system,

which would take a portion
of everyone's teeth

to ensure the foods who don't
have any are taken care of.

Yeah. Okay...

To demonstrate what we're
talking about, um, picture a pie.

Or better yet, let's bring
her up on stage. Pie.

Mm, ah, yes.

I would just like to say hi to
my friend, Rhubarb. Hi, Barb.

Okay, let's say Pie here represents
all the teeth a food had.

- I'm Teeth.
- You sure are, Pie. Thanks for helping.

So, as I was saying, if you're
a food that doesn't have a lot,

we'd only take, like, this
big a slice of your teeth.

- That's not a lot.
- Exactly.

Seriously, stop that. I don't...

You shouldn't be commenting.
You're just a prop.

And if you have way more
teeth than you need,

you'll pay, like,
this big a slice.

Which is significant.

But you will notice there's still quite
a sizable slice of Pie's body left.

Boo!

- Oh, whoa, whoa, what?
- Boo!

Wait. No, stop it.
Do I hear a boo?

- Is someone booing? Who's the booer?
- Boo, boo, boo. Boo!

Okay, you, sir.

You seem to have a problem
with the share-sies plan?

Yeah. I'm Julius,
and I got a problem.

They don't believe in food.

What? We started the revolution!

We believe in food.

I was there for that!

- She's right!
- Well, it doesn't sound like it.

You want to give
everyone handouts

'cause you think we're too weak
to figure it out for ourselves.

- Yeah.
- Come on. What the fuck?

- Yeah, what the fuck?
- No, that's not what we're saying.

Hey, stand up, sir.
Talk into the mic.

This is your chance to speak
directly to Frank and Brenda.

After the war, you said foods
were free to do whatever we want,

and now you're
telling us what to do.

So, which is it?

- Uh, both?
- No way!

You lie!

Hey, can I ask you
guys a question? Yeah.

Are you better off now than
you were four days ago?

- I'm not.
- I'm doing much worse.

Then why are we even listening
to them in the first place?

- Yeah.
- Who put them in charge?

I didn't. Did you?

- Not me.
- No!

- No.
- Yeah, what the fuck?

You think you
should be in charge?

No, I think we should be in
charge of who's in charge.

- Yeah!
- He's fuckin' right.

If my fellow foods
were to choose me...

I would sure as shit do
a better job than you.

Yeah.

Julius! Julius! Julius!

Someone call the Watermelon,
'cause this is getting juicy.

So, what do you say?

Do you think, uh, my old friends
Frank and Brenda should be in charge?

Fuck no!

Or... do think my audience member
Julius should be in charge?

Well, tune in next time

where the winner will be
chosen exclusively on my show,

Arguments, hosted by your
favorite bagel, Sammy.

Hey, great job, you two.

Great show.

What do you mean, great show?
You completely fucked us.

Wait, what? I don't understand.
Everyone in town was watching you.

I'm-I'm totally perplexed
how you could view that

as anything other
than tremendous.

Look at that. They love me.

Excuse me while I go canoodle
with some canned noodles.

Ciao for now.

What just happened? That
was a fucking disaster.

Any food-lutions for how
we solve this problem?

Well, not at the moment,
but could be worse. Right?

How?

Think you can run from Barry?

♪ You're chasing a grape
Who wants to escape ♪

♪ From you ♪

♪ But bustin' foods
is what you do ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Evading the law
through a tall straw ♪

♪ No way ♪

♪ Barry loses food today ♪

♪ And now you're vaulting
With a chopstick ♪

♪ You're so determined To
catch up with this prick ♪

♪ He thinks you're gone, gone, gone,
gone But here's your last trick ♪

♪ Oh, Barry caught ya ♪

Stop... stop struggling. I
do not want to squish you.

What the fuck?

Well...

I guess that seals it.

I'm a cannibal now.