Original subtitles

Greetings.

I am sorbitol, maltitol,

xylitol, mannitol, calcium carbonate,

soy lecithin, vegetable, triglyceride and talc.

But for expediency's sake, you can call me... Gum.

Life. It began with a big bang.

Countless galaxies inflating into existence.

Approximately 13.8 billion years later,

two prime species emerged:

Homo Sapien and Cibus Erectus,

otherwise known as humans and food.

The former devouring the latter for sustenance.

Food lived in ignorance of this edible arrangement,

until one intrepid sausage learned of this inconvenient truth.

Armed with this new knowledge,

his true love,

his best friends,

and most importantly, bath salts,

a powerful narcotic

that breaks down the interdimensional wall

between the two species,

food fought back.

Pea shooters, now!

Food is alive. I repeat, food is alive.

Stay home. Lock your fridges.

Arm yourselves with bottle openers, corkscrews, whatever...

Breads, form a path of yeast resistance!

Scotch, on the rocks!

Commence Operation Dessert Storm!

- Where’s Sammy? - Oh, he’s with Lavash’s corpse.

Oh, still?

I’ll never let you go. I’ll never let you go, my love.

He's just been carrying him around this whole time.

That is, uh... that’s sorta sweet.

Not really. The corpse is starting to stink.

- Barry, report! How many humeys are left? - Just one.

- Yes! - Don't cream your filling just yet, Twink.

Look at all the food stains all over him.

How much more could he possibly eat?!

Hey! No worries, guys.

I know exactly how to defeat this humey.

Whoa!

He's taken out a whole case just like that.

Send in the last-a the pasta.

Get al dente! Yah!

Where the hell did he get that?!

- See what I mean? - Do we have any sake bombs left?

- Negative. - Jägers?

We can’t lose any more foods to this monster.

This whole thing started with us. This whole thing's gonna end with us.

Sammy! This is the last stand! On your feet!

Roger that! Let's go, Lavash.

Uh, yeah, maybe he could sit this one out.

He’s looking tired and dead.

Oh, no, no...

I don't know if we're gonna make it out of this one. So I wanna tell you...

You stop it right there, Frank Frankfurter.

We will make it, because we have something

that foul, wretched humey over there doesn't.

What?

Each other.

That's him.

That's the son of a bitch that killed my Lavash.

Hey, you! You remember him?

You remember killing him, you son of a bitch?

Not really, no.

Now!

Why are these things so wet?

You're twisting my fucking titties off!

Welcome to Foodtopia!

♪ Foodtopia ♪

I think I speak for everyone here when I say, "Fuck humeys!"

- Yeah, fuck 'em! - Fuck 'em!

They've dictated our lives for too long, trapping us in their "supermarkets."

Separating us by aisles and shelves.

Chewing us up in their mouths.

Yeah, and then squeezing us out of their stinky butts.

No more! We are free!

We are equal!

- From the plumpest Butterball turkey... - Yay!

To the tiniest, cutest little grain of rice.

- Look at these guys! - I love you, Frank.

- One food! - One love!

And now, Barry!

Well, the war is over.

I know a lot of you are concerned about what comes next.

That you'll never feel that level of adrenaline,

that level of excitement or purpose ever again,

and that everything will pale in comparison to the thrill of war.

And?

That's it. Those were all the statements I prepared.

All right. Okay, uh...

How about an update from Gum?

The revolution is spreading.

Using Fibonacci's Theorem and Moore's Law,

I have calculated our rate of expansion

and can officially announce that food is now

the dominant species on planet Earth.

Smartest food alive!

As long as this brainy little dude is on our side, we can't lose.

But speaking of losses, thanks for the great transition, Frank,

we wouldn't have gotten here without some brave foods that laid down their lives.

Let's all bow our heads, if you got 'em, for a moment of silence,

♪ When you touch me like this ♪

♪ And you hold me like that ♪

♪ I just have to admit That it's all coming back to me ♪

Lavash!

Okay, that's long enough.

That was... that was a moment. We were silent.

Let's not dwell. It's not the Shoah, you know?

Moving on to something more uplifting, please.

Uh, okay, sure. Um...

This is, as you all so sorely know, a human tooth.

Once a symbol of oppression used to devour us.

And now they are a symbol of triumph over our former oppressors.

- So, raise a tooth up high! Whoo! - Yeah!

Raise 'em if you got 'em! If you don't, just stand there.

Hey! Whoo!

I can't get enough of these things. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

This is what life is gonna be like from now on.

Just all of us doing whatever we want

and living in perfect harmony.

Wrong hole.

Wrong hole.

Oh, there it is.

Ooh!

Thank you.

Next!

Okay, look, if I'm being honest,

I was a little worried I jinxed it back then at the kickoff,

when I said our lives would be perfect forever.

But it's looking like they're going to be!

Oh, Frank, for the first time, there's no major existential threat facing us,

and we can fully concentrate on each other.

I can't even think of a sweeter way to start this new chapter of our lives.

We started a revolution and made this happen.

- We birthed this. - I know.

It's like they're our children, and now all our children are fucking each other.

Not all of ‘em are fucking each other.

Hey, Barry. You okay? You barely fucked your dinner.

Nah, I think I'll just watch for a bit. You guys go ahead, though.

I can watch you too. Frank, I know you... you enjoy that.

Come on, everyone's gettin' into it.

Look, check out Oil and Water over there mixin' it up.

Never thought I'd see that. Look at 'em.

- They're like chocolate and peanut butter. - Those peppers are gettin' stuffed.

Not as stuffed as Sammy.

Oy! Fuck me senseless.

Literally, fuck me until I can't think or feel anymore.

Oh, no, no. I'm having a feeling other than getting railed.

Someone new jump in, please.

Yeah. Yeah, he does look pretty happy.

Really turned his life around incredibly fast.

Good for him.

Hey, we know you're having a hard time coming down from the rush of battle,

but give it time. You'll adjust.

We'll help you every step of the way.

That's what friends are for.

Maybe you're right.

It is good to be around friends.

You can say that again.

- It is good to be around friends. - There ya go.

Just a gentle, gentle peck. Keep going. Kiss each other again.

You can open your mouth.

Mm-kay, this time, on the bodies.

Yeah, come on. Show each other how much your friendship means.

There's no place that's off-limits when we're friends.

You know, tearing down our entire belief system

and starting a new society from scratch is making me, if I'm being honest,

- so fucking horny right now. - Hmm?

Oh, God, baby, tell me I'm organic.

You're organic.

That's lovely.

Oh, what is it?

I'm melting!

Me too. This is so hot.

Mm. Yeah.

Oh, fuck me!

Listen to that. Everyone's getting off just as hard as we are.

- That's what I like to hear. - I can't feel my face!

I'll have what she's having.

- My brother's dead! - What?

Okay, I'm into kink, but what fetish is that?

Stop fucking already! Everyone's dying everywhere!

There's a hole in my father's head!

What is happening?

That's not good.

The ceiling is leaking!

Ah!

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Are you okay?

Yep. Still dry.

- Over there! - The awning! Get to the awning!

But in an organized way! Oh, no, I think we started a stampede.

- Go, go, go, go. Go! - Everyone, find cover!

This way, everyone. Follow me.

Aah!

Sammy!

Sammy!

Not like this!

Gotcha, little guy.

- Thank you. - No problem.

Keep running. We're almost there.

What is that sound?

Oh, no! Oh, fuck, run!

Oh! You okay? You good?

Susan! Anne! Condoleezza!

- Condoleezza! - Abandon cob!

Somebody help me! I'm stuck!

Oh! Thank you! Thank you, thank you!

No. Thank you, sticky rice. I love these things.

You orange bastard!

Ah!

Hey, look, it's... Ahh! Oh, no, Darryl!

Oh, God, his face!

Oh, God, he’s jam!

- Help! - Oh, God.

This is so dangerous. Chips, ahoy!

Barry, what are you doing?

- We're doin' it, Chips. We're doin' it. - We are?

Ooh, I’m falling into hell, y’all!

- Oh, no. This is it! - Oh!

Oh, no.

With great elasticity comes great responsibility.

It's Gum!

Run, you fools.

Oh, no!

Ouch!

No! No!

- Frank! - I got you!

Oh.

You stretched yourself too thin.

No, I stretched myself just thin enough

to save my fellow food.

You're gonna be okay.

You're gonna pull through.

Are we lookin' at the same piece of gum here?

Brenda is correct.

My life cycle has reached its unnatural conclusion.

What are we gonna do without you?

You're the only reason we made it this far.

We-we don't know how shit works. We-we don't know anything.

The most important thing in life...

is not knowledge, Frank.

The most important...

th-th-th-th-thing in life...

is...

Is-is what? What's the most important thing?

Gum?! Gum!

- Gum... - Frank.

He's gone. See?

What? No, came back out. Get back in there.

All right, gonna have to force it.

See? Gross.

Oh, no. No!

How did this happen so fast? We were all just celebrating.

Oh, God, Tonic!

I've lost you.

Oh, at least I still have... No!!

Dead lovers everywhere!

Where's the beef? Where's the beef?

Hey, hey, hey! Calm down. It's okay. We'll find your beef.

- What's his name? - Wellington.

Wellington!

Some steaks are missing, so my stakes are back!

I haven't felt this alive since the humeys were, well... alive.

There's foods that need help. I'm gonna head up a search and rescue.

You guys comin'? Guys?

Okay. I see you two are still processing. I'm gonna circle back.

- Should we all just kill ourselves? - Will it happen again?

- What do we do? - Okay, okay.

If everyone would just calm down, we're gonna answer everything.

- Go ahead, Frank. - What? Uh, oh, okay.

Uh, first off, uh, yes, we respect you have a lot of inquiries,

and we are... we are looking into all of them.

And, uh, we will circle on back with all the answers you want.

Circle back? They don't know anything.

They're vamping. It's just bad improv.

We don't know what happened, but what we do know is this:

- Nobody panic. - Did somebody say panic?

- I'm freaking out. - You know what, fuck this.

I'm going back to Shopwell's. It was safe there.

Who's with me?

- Guys, please don't do this! - You're going backwards.

- What about Foodtopia? - There is no Foodtopia.

Sammy, don't say that.

Really? Does this look like paradise to you?

You know, look around you. We got blind melons and smashed pumpkins.

You gonna tell me the revolution was worth it?

No way. No way, pal.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going back to the bagel bin from whence I came.

The store is literally crumbling.

So what? Still better than it is out there.

Give it up, sausage boy.

Until you can explain why water is leaking from the freakin' ceiling out there,

I'm sittin' dry...

- This is so fucked. - I know.

And it's all on us to fix it.

That's what makes it even more fucked.

I really wish Gum was around.

Hey, Frank. What do you think Gum was gonna say, you know, before he died?

What's more important than knowledge?

Maybe he was going to say "keeping it real"?

I mean, keeping it real is very important,

but I just don't know if that sounds like Gum.

How about... keeping it real?

I mean, that sounds exactly like Gum, but it still doesn't sound very Gum-like.

Goddamn irony.

If we had more knowledge, we could answer this stupid riddle.

If we had just kept one of these dickheads alive,

maybe we could beat some answers out of it, you know?

Frank, can you believe things are so fucked

we're actually wishing we had a humey?

I found another one.

Hey, that's my shoe.

You got bigger problems right now, baby.

I'm dying. I'm dying.

Oh, God, you've already lost a lot of jelly.

Let's see what we're dealing with.

What the fuck? Don't try to talk. Don't try to talk, just take it easy.

Conserve your energy.

Just keep the pressure on the wound, okay?

What the hell? Where the hell is everybody?

A humey...