Original subtitles

My name is Nicole Bradford.

This is Michael. He's my father.

He works uptown. He dresses in a suit.

This is Joey. He's my other father.

He's an artist. We all live in his loft downtown.

Michael and Joey inherited me from my mom.

This is the judge that put us together.

She says everything's gonna work out fine.

And if they screw up, I'll fix it.

? You can count on me ?

? No matter what you do ?

? You can count on me No matter where you go ?

? I'm standing by your side I'll be right behind ?

? No one loves you More than I do ?

? Put your hand in mine ?

? You can count on me No matter what you do ?

? You can count on me No matter where you go ?

? You can count on me ?

[???]

I finished my paper. You want to read and correct it?

It's what I live for.

"What I Want To Be When I Grow Up,

By Nicole Bradford." Did you come up with that?

"When I grow up I want to be a beautician."

Honey, there's your first mistake. Right there.

Why? I spelled that right.

No. What you want to be when you grow up,

is spelled "surgeon."

"Now, if I can't get into beautician school--"

Surgeon school.

"and I can't be a beautician--" Surgeon.

"Then I would be very happy as a cashier."

I'd be very happy as a surgeon.

You see the way this is going, don't you?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

God has blessed me today. Woo-hoo!

Good news?

The Hollander Art Gallery has given me a one man show.

Michael, my first art show.

This is the biggest--

This is the second biggest surprise I've ever had.

Congratulations, Dad.

That is really terrific, Joe. Really.

So people are going to gather in one room,

and they're going to look at all

these things that are on our walls

and have made our home the unique showplace that it is.

That's, uh...

That's, uh...

I can't stop my head, Joe.

I gotta tell everybody.

Wait'll you tell your father.

He won't care.

Why not?

Because I'm not gonna tell him.

Why not?

Because he won't care.

He never cared about anything I do.

Well, now you've got your big break,

and your father's got to be proud of you.

No. Never. My father's philosophy's always been,

"Either you make a steady income or you're a bum."

He doesn't understand passion.

He doesn't understand the soul.

He doesn't understand the inner workings of the mind.

Right, Michael?

Right. Either you make a steady income or you're a bum.

What?

We gotta get this stuff outta here.

That truck from the gallery's gonna be here any minute.

Do we have to sell this one?

I've always liked this one.

Yeah, I know. I get attached to them too.

And it means more to us than it could ever mean to anyone else.

How much money can you get for that, anyway?

That one, that's $500.

So how do you know how much to charge people for these things?

That's like anything else.

The better they are, the more I charge.

So how do you know how much to charge people for these things?

Surprise.

There's a strange person under me.

Hey, I'm no stranger.

I'm your grandpa.

Dad?

Hey, there's my little Picasso.

[BOTH LAUGH]

What are you doing here?

You think I'd miss my son's first art show?

Yeah.

I've been waiting years for something like this to happen.

Yeah. I never thought it would,

but I've never been so happy to say that I was wrong.

Hey.

I've never been so happy to hear it.

How'd you know about the show?

You could thank me later.

LOU: Mikey? Hey, Mr. Harris.

Look at Mikey.

Look at you.

You're still growing, aren't you?

Look at Mikey in his fancy suit.

No, don't hug me.

[GROANS AND LAUGHS]

You're successful. No, don't pick me up. Ha, ha.

I'm more successful on the ground.

And look at Nicole.

Oh, you're gonna break a lot of hearts one of these days.

So you're Joey's father.

That makes you my grandfather, possibly.

It doesn't matter which one of these guys is your dad,

I'm still your grandfather, because Joey's my boy.

Joey.

[LAUGHS] he's just like my boy.

Mikey.

No, no, don't slap me on the back. Ow!

Dad, Dad, so you just dropped everything

and you flew out here for the show?

Yeah.

[LAUGHING]

Go on, boys.

Go get my bag.

I've got a granddaughter to meet.

Nicole.

Give me a hug.

Aah!

You know, if I didn't know better,

I'd say he's proud of me.

Of course he's proud of you. He's your father.

It doesn't work that easy in my family.

After my mother died, I mean, everybody,

he shipped them all out to Ohio.

Everybody went. They got in his plumbing business.

They're doing pretty good. They got their own trucks.

And now you're doing pretty good too.

That's why he came out to see you.

I think he's come out here to see me fail.

I never used to understand your father's art.

Look at this, a dog with two hands

looking out of a Venetian blind.

You know what that says to me?

I still don't understand your father's art.

Hey, Picasso, let me have that bag over there.

Maybe there's something in here for my little granddaughter...

Oh! Well, here it is.

You know, you didn't have to get me anything.

You know why I did?

To make me like you more?

Pretty much, yeah.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[GASPS]

Great bribe.

[GIGGLES]

Thank you, Grandpa.

I'm gonna go use this right away.

That's the last we see of her.

She's quite a kid, boys. You should be proud.

We are.

I can't get over it, Jo-Jo.

You're finally getting your life together.

I mean, for a long time there, I was really worried about you.

You hear that, Jo-Jo?

Your father used to be worried about you,

but now he's not anymore. Okay?

I'm just going to sit here and enjoy this warm family moment.

So how much are they paying you?

Well, that's enough for me.

I'm going to go see if the kid's all right.

We've only had her a month and not sure how she works yet.

So come on, how much are they paying you?

Well, they don't pay me up front.

How much I make depends on how much I sell.

Oh, you don't get paid

unless you sell one of these things?

Well, Mikey's doing all right, isn't he?

Here it comes...

What does he do, anyway?

He's a financial advisor for some big company.

BOTH: You used to be good at math.

No, I wasn't, Dad.

No, this is the way art shows work.

No, no, no. I understand.

You're like a salesman on commission.

But, if you worked for me, you'd have a regular salary.

Four and a half minutes. You're slowing down, Dad.

I am talking full partnership here.

I am talking your own truck.

A minute ago you were talking like I was Picasso.

A minute ago I thought somebody was paying you.

What is this thing here?

How much do you charge for something like this?

That's 1200 bucks.

What?

Joey.

A good sink costs a couple hundred.

People need sinks.

They don't need dogs looking out of venetian blinds.

I hate that they're fighting.

Can't you make them stop?

Nicole, it's a family matter.

It's not right for me to interfere.

"What I Want To Be When I Grow Up,

By Nicole Bradford,

MD."

Uncle Lou...

I just think you should be paid for your work.

Hey, that's not the way the gallery does it, okay?

Where is this gallery?

Czechoslovakia?

Mr. Harris, I may not know about art, but I do know what I like.

Lots of people think he's good.

If he was good he'd have a job.

If he was good, he'd have a steady income.

He has neither.

He has a daughter who loves him no matter what he does.

I don't mean any disrespect, Grandpa, but...

I'm Joey's relative too.

You're right.

Really?

Absolutely.

You see this smiling face, Joseph?

Financial failure now affects more than just you.

I take care of Nicole just fine.

If I were rich, would that make me a better father?

Or son?

Would that mean that I'm a better artist?

You can't call yourself an artist

unless you can make a living at it.

You're a father now, if not for your sake,

at least for your daughter,

don't you think you ought to take up

the art of learning how to make a living?

JOEY: So when tomorrow night comes,

my show's a big success, and I make lots of sales,

then I'm an artist. Then I'm a father.

Then you accept me?

You make one sale at those prices, I'll call you an artist.

Hey, let me get this straight.

I sell one piece to one person, and you get off my back forever.

Deal.

But if you don't sell anything,

I want you to give up this artist nonsense,

I want you to come home, and be a plumber

like the rest of your brothers and sisters.

Wait a minute. I want to shake on that.

Because you just lost yourself a bet, Dad.

Okay? You lost yourself a bet.

Because anybody who knows the New York artistic community

knows that these prices are right.

And anybody who knows the slightest thing about art

can see a mile away that I am on the cusp of my own destiny.

How many times have I told you

not to leave your garbage in the hall?

[???]

[???]

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Michael.

Hey, Mr. Harris. How's it going here?

Are you kidding? Look at all the people.

Hordes and hordes of people.

I've never seen this many people at an art show.

And they're all here to see your son's work.

No sales yet, huh?

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Cheer up, Dad.

Things are going to start to get better.

Oh, how could they get worse?

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Hi, judge.

Oh, hi, sweetie.

Hi, judge. Thanks for coming.

Well, you needed some help, and I needed some art.

Oh, really?

Well, you've come to the right place.

What exactly did you have in mind?

An abstract, maybe, or new wave realism?

Something with orange in it.

Okay, just come with me.

Judge, hi.

Nice to see ya.

Buy something.

Uh, Dad. This is Judge Wilbur.

Judge, this is my father.

Margaret. Lou Harris.

You're the lady in Joey's building, huh?

My building. I own it.

You're my son's landlord?

As well as the judge who gave us Nicole.

LOU: That's quite a coincidence.

No, we don't think of it as coincidence.

We think of it as fate, laughing like hell.

Judge, what do you think? Orange.

Not bad.

Not bad at all, Joey. Thank you.

How much?

JOEY: That's 1200.

Twelve hundred what?

Twelve hundred times I told him, be a plumber.

Margaret, maybe your building could use some new sinks.

Talk to me.

Okay. I'm a plumber.

No. It's still early.

Things are going to start to get better.

Fine. If they do, I'll be in the john learning my trade.

You're making a mistake, pal.

And you know it.

So can we forget this false pride thing and face the facts?

You're an artist, and you always will be.

How do you adjust the tension on this little floaty thing?

Would you get your head out of the toilet

and listen to me, please?

No, you listen to me, Michael.

You know, I've been taking ribbing from guys

like you and my father for a long time. And that's okay.

'Cause I didn't think you knew what you were talking about.

But those people out there, they do.

And if I can't make an impact on them,

then maybe you guys were right all along.

Maybe it was right for Joey Harris to be an artist,

but maybe it's right for Nicole's father to be a plumber.

No, no, no. We're not right.

We don't know what we were talking about.

Joe, what do I know about art?

On my office wall, I have one painting.

Of wheat.

But you like it.

But I don't think of it as art, I think of it as bread.

Michael, if you don't mind,

I've got a lot of studying to do here.

[TOLIET FLUSHES]

What happened?

You heard that flush?

That was Joey's art career.

There's got to be something we can do.

There's still a lot of people here.

We just need one of them to buy one piece.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

What do I do for a living?

I sell investments, right?

Art is an investment.

Watch-- Watch and learn.

But you don't know anything about art.

It's a beauty, isn't it?

It's a car.

Well, on the surface, sure.

But if we probe deeper, do we not, in fact,

find something-- Something deeper?

We find it's something like existentialism.

It's existential. It's about how we exist.

And... And sex.

It's about sex.

Sex is why we exist.

See, if there were no more sex, then there'd be no more people.

And then, there'd be no more sex.

This is very deep.

It really is.

I mean, sex and existence...

Sex and existence, that's what this piece is saying.

Too bad.

I thought it was a neat car.

A fabulous night, isn't it, Margaret?

Tonight's the night I get my son back.

How do you mean?

This artistic dream of his.

This art show is going to help him get it out of his system.

You have any children, Margaret?

I never married.

Why is that?

I haven't found the man who has the right combination.

Oh.

What's the right combination?

Money and coma.

Of course I like it.

I love it.

But look at that price.

But look at that existentialism and sex.

My father made me say it.

I tried real hard, Michael.

Me too.

You sell anything?

A couple of mutual funds.

I think it's never too late for a parent to do

what's right for his kid.

You know, I think you'd make a great parent, Margaret.

Not as good as one particular parent

I never had the pleasure of meeting.

Who's that?

This woman...

who fell in love with two terrific guys.

And the guys are both in love with her.

Then she dies and she leaves her child to both of them.

She didn't know who the father was.

No.

Because she knew that one of the terrific guys

was down-to-earth and the other terrific guy had his sights

on the moon and the stars, and between these two guys,

the kid would get one terrific bringing up.

You think I'm wrong?

I think it's never too late to do what's right for a kid.

Judge.

Sweetie.

You see, the problem is that the people who like Joey's stuff

didn't come here to buy, and the people who would buy,

don't get Joey's stuff.

I'm one of the people who doesn't get Joey's stuff.

Maybe you can help me?

I mean, like this for example.

Oh, well, that, of course, is, obviously...

What the hell is that?

It's a lady.

A lady what?

See those hearts?

They're her eyes because she looks at everything with love.

And look at the crystal ball she's wearing.

A vision of two soldiers shooting at each other.

It's tearing her apart.

See the cracks in her face?

The crystal ball is a locket.

The two soldiers are her husband and son.

It's their constant quarreling

that's causing those cracks in her face.

[???]

Oh, my God.

That's my wife.

Sex and existence.

That's what this piece is saying.

I don't see that at all.

Death and defiance. That's what it's really saying.

No.

Alienation and despair?

Siskel and Ebert?

Peaches and Herb?

Fruit and fiber?

It's the many varied interpretations

that make the piece all that more intriguing to me.

Young man, you may have just swayed me into purchasing this.

Really?

Son.

Hey, Dad.

Look what I did.

Forget that.

Listen. I was looking at one

of your paintings, and I got it.

I understood it...

and I liked it.

Well, that's nice, Dad.

But I still didn't make a sale.

Now how about that toilet, huh?

But you did make a sale.

To me.

I want to buy that painting of your mother.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, I know what you're doing.

I don't want your pity.

MICHAEL: Joey.

This gentleman would like to buy this sculpture. Right here.

And I don't want your pity either. No, forget it.

It's not for sale. Nothing's for sale.

Okay? Everybody out. Out.

You want to pay me, call me when your drain gets clogged.

I'm sure there's been a misunderstanding.

I find this piece rather provocative.

I would like to purchase it.

You don't even know what it means.

I do so know what it means.

Oh, yeah? What?

Well, there are many various interpretations...

You're already making excuses.

Mine is that it's a metaphysical statement

about man's insignificance.

And?

And his inability to comprehend his place in the universe.

What kind of universe?

A parallel universe.

What kind of parallel universe?

A silly one?

That's right.

That's right.

Well, it's yours.

You can pay the cashier.

[LAUGHS]

I did it, Dad, huh?

I'm proud of you, son.

[LAUGHS] Hey.

[???]

[???]