All language subtitles for S01 E106 - Whose Night Is It, Anyway

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,833 --> 00:00:02,500 My name is Nicole Bradford. 2 00:00:02,633 --> 00:00:04,900 This is Michael. He's my father. 3 00:00:05,033 --> 00:00:08,366 He works uptown. He dresses in a suit. 4 00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:11,033 This is Joey. He's my other father. 5 00:00:11,166 --> 00:00:14,633 He's an artist. We all live in his loft, downtown. 6 00:00:14,766 --> 00:00:17,133 Michael and Joey inherited me from my mom. 7 00:00:17,266 --> 00:00:19,533 This is the judge that put us together. 8 00:00:19,666 --> 00:00:21,933 She says everything's gonna work out just fine. 9 00:00:22,066 --> 00:00:24,700 And if they screw up, I'll fix it. 10 00:00:24,833 --> 00:00:28,100 ♪ You can count on me ♪ 11 00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:29,966 ♪ No matter what you do ♪ 12 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,700 ♪ You can count on me ♪ 13 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,000 ♪ No matter where you go ♪ 14 00:00:35,133 --> 00:00:37,133 ♪ I'm standing by your side ♪ 15 00:00:37,266 --> 00:00:39,433 ♪ I'll be right behind ♪ 16 00:00:39,566 --> 00:00:41,966 ♪ No one loves you More than I do ♪ 17 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,533 ♪ Put your hand in mine ♪ 18 00:00:44,666 --> 00:00:47,733 ♪ You can count on me ♪ 19 00:00:47,866 --> 00:00:49,633 ♪ No matter what you do ♪ 20 00:00:49,766 --> 00:00:52,700 ♪ You can count on me ♪ 21 00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:54,466 ♪ No matter where you go ♪ 22 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,300 ♪ You can count on me ♪ 23 00:00:58,733 --> 00:01:01,066 [WHISTLING] 24 00:01:03,233 --> 00:01:05,200 [WHISTLING] 25 00:01:14,233 --> 00:01:15,833 Hey, hey, hey. Cut it out. 26 00:01:15,966 --> 00:01:17,833 Stop it. Just stop-- What, what, what? 27 00:01:17,966 --> 00:01:19,700 What, what, what? Don't what me, pal. 28 00:01:19,833 --> 00:01:22,266 Don't stand there whistling, polishing your shoes, 29 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,133 tell me you're not getting dressed for a date on my night. 30 00:01:25,266 --> 00:01:26,366 We had an agreement. 31 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,366 We do. Look at my calendar. 32 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,666 Can we agree that today is today? 33 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,200 Now, if today is today, then this is tonight. 34 00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:35,866 Okay. What does this say, right here? 35 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,566 Michael's night. Ah. 36 00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:41,700 Michael's night. Michael's night. 37 00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:44,100 No deals, no concessions. 38 00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:46,533 What does this say, right here? 39 00:01:47,866 --> 00:01:49,433 August. 40 00:01:50,966 --> 00:01:52,566 Look, I think we can work this out. 41 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,033 No deals, no concessions. 42 00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:56,266 Hi, Dads. MICHAEL: Hello. 43 00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,766 JOEY: Hey, ladies. You have a good time today? 44 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:02,766 Yeah. We went to the Museum of Natural History. 45 00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,933 We traced the evolution of life 46 00:02:05,066 --> 00:02:07,233 over a period of 60 million years. 47 00:02:07,366 --> 00:02:10,033 That took 10 minutes. 48 00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:12,033 And then we went shopping. Look. 49 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,666 The judge bought me these. 50 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,033 Ooh, aren't they adorable? 51 00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:17,433 Hey, Judge, don't these look adorable on her? 52 00:02:17,566 --> 00:02:19,633 Wouldn't you, in the bottom of your heart, 53 00:02:19,766 --> 00:02:21,900 really just wanna spend an evening with a girl 54 00:02:22,033 --> 00:02:23,900 who could look that adorable? 55 00:02:25,733 --> 00:02:27,266 Stuck for a babysitter? 56 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,866 We pay 3 bucks an hour. Sorry, Michael. 57 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,700 Much as I'd like to be of assistance, there comes a time 58 00:02:32,833 --> 00:02:35,533 when I must withdraw to the care of my own affairs, 59 00:02:35,666 --> 00:02:37,466 and allow you two gentlemen 60 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,800 to settle your own domestic conflicts. 61 00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:42,933 It's the only way you'll grow as parents. 62 00:02:43,066 --> 00:02:44,766 You got a date too, huh? 63 00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:48,466 You got it, Slappy. 64 00:02:51,633 --> 00:02:53,900 Thanks. Look, if you've both got dates, 65 00:02:54,033 --> 00:02:56,133 it's no problem. I can stay here by myself. 66 00:02:56,266 --> 00:02:59,766 No, we wouldn't feel right about leaving you home by yourself. 67 00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:01,300 'Cause we'd worry. 68 00:03:01,433 --> 00:03:03,433 That's why Michael's gonna cancel his date 69 00:03:03,566 --> 00:03:06,066 and stay home with you. Joey, come here. 70 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,600 What, what? Listen. This is 71 00:03:07,733 --> 00:03:10,800 a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity with Elizabeth Drake, 72 00:03:10,933 --> 00:03:13,066 a cultivated, intelligent classy woman. 73 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,100 I've got a once-in-a-lifetime date with Madelaine Jordan. 74 00:03:16,233 --> 00:03:18,933 Oh, yeah, and she's currently appearing topless where? 75 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,233 She's a college professor. 76 00:03:23,366 --> 00:03:27,133 Right, right. And next week, she'll be the milkmaid 77 00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:29,600 and you could be the naughty stable boy. 78 00:03:30,666 --> 00:03:33,066 What are you guys talking about? 79 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,966 Agriculture. 80 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:38,233 Madelaine happens to be a professor of botany. 81 00:03:38,366 --> 00:03:40,533 She's got a Ph.D. That outranks your MBA. 82 00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:43,666 Look, tonight is important to both of you, which is fine. 83 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,400 Because I have no plans, 84 00:03:45,533 --> 00:03:47,500 so you go out, and I'll stay here with me. 85 00:03:47,633 --> 00:03:48,800 BOTH: No. 86 00:03:49,933 --> 00:03:52,433 Why not? Because you're 12. 87 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,933 You think I'm a baby. JOEY: Nick. 88 00:03:55,066 --> 00:03:56,600 What do you think I'm gonna do? 89 00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:59,900 Stick my tongue in a light socket or drink bleach? 90 00:04:01,766 --> 00:04:04,533 Nicole, what if there's an emergency? 91 00:04:04,666 --> 00:04:09,066 Look, I can actually reach the telephone. 92 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:13,066 I can even pick it up and dial it. 93 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,266 Honey, you are still a kid. 94 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,566 That's it. I'm calling a babysitter. 95 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:23,066 Thank you. Thank-- I'll feel a whole lot better about this. 96 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:28,333 Hello, Rebecca? Nicole. Are you free tonight? Good. 97 00:04:28,466 --> 00:04:31,333 Could you come over and babysit me? 98 00:04:31,466 --> 00:04:33,533 Yeah. Good. 99 00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:36,233 And ask your parents if you can sleep over. 100 00:04:36,366 --> 00:04:39,466 Bring some potato chips. Yeah. Bye. 101 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,100 That Rebecca, your little friend, Rebecca? 102 00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:43,533 She's your age? 103 00:04:43,666 --> 00:04:47,266 Yes. She's been babysitting for the past year. 104 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,433 Veteran babysitter. Just like me. 105 00:04:49,566 --> 00:04:51,000 We can watch each other. 106 00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:54,200 Now you've got two babysitters. Stay out all weekend. 107 00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:58,733 You've babysat before? For who? 108 00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:02,800 Mandy and Whiskers and Boots. 109 00:05:05,466 --> 00:05:08,766 Okay, they're cats. But I took care of them. 110 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:12,366 And they're still alive. Except for Boots. 111 00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,700 All right, Nick. You've made your point. 112 00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:17,366 Have your friend over and have a wonderful time, okay? 113 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:18,666 [SMOOCHES] 114 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,000 Hold it just a second. Are you sure about this? 115 00:05:21,133 --> 00:05:22,900 He's sure. Why is he sure? 116 00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:25,933 Because we're gonna move our dates downstairs to Klawicki's. 117 00:05:26,066 --> 00:05:29,666 Downst-- Klawicki's? 118 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,033 A downstairs, greasy, gum-on-top-of-the-tables 119 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:35,233 'cause-what-the-hell is-the-difference, Klawicki's? 120 00:05:35,366 --> 00:05:37,566 Joe, I've got reservations at Four Seasons, 121 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,466 I've got tickets to a Broadway show. No, I-- No. 122 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,666 I got a calendar that says you're going nowhere. 123 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,333 [GRUMBLES] 124 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:50,500 All right, Nicole. I'm gonna be downstairs. 125 00:05:50,633 --> 00:05:53,400 And I'll be eating something at Klawicki's. 126 00:05:53,533 --> 00:05:55,466 Goodbye. 127 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,533 [♪♪♪] 128 00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:02,866 This place is popping, huh? 129 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,400 I've never seen this many people here in my life. 130 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,633 Must be suicide night. 131 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,033 Relax. Come on, enjoy yourself. 132 00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:13,133 Enjoy myself? 133 00:06:13,266 --> 00:06:15,766 It's not bad enough I gotta bring the date of my life 134 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:17,800 to the dive of the century. 135 00:06:17,933 --> 00:06:20,266 And then I've gotta share the only available booth 136 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,933 with you and a botanist. 137 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,233 Joe, you and a botanist? 138 00:06:26,366 --> 00:06:28,033 Because she's hot. 139 00:06:28,166 --> 00:06:29,633 Thank you. 140 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:32,966 Joe-- Because she thinks I'm hot. 141 00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,166 Thank you. 142 00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:39,300 Hot botany. Only you, Joe. 143 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,766 Michael, you and Ms. Elizabeth? 144 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:45,166 Because she's got class. And she thinks I've got class. 145 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,700 An impression that will last right up to the moment 146 00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:49,966 that she discovers, yes, our date begins here 147 00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:53,700 at Klawicki's Casa de Salmonella. 148 00:06:54,733 --> 00:06:58,466 Hey, this class that she's got, 149 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,000 that's another word for, like, cold, right? 150 00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:03,533 Sophisticated, Joe. 151 00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:06,566 See, unlike yourself, I've grown through the years. 152 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:08,633 I can appreciate a woman like Elizabeth 153 00:07:08,766 --> 00:07:11,633 with whom I can look forward to an evening of conversation 154 00:07:11,766 --> 00:07:14,100 and a brandy on the veranda. 155 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,400 That's all you want? 156 00:07:17,833 --> 00:07:19,400 That's all I'll get. 157 00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:24,733 Joe, where do you find these women? 158 00:07:24,866 --> 00:07:28,233 Relax, huh? Because this is a small booth. 159 00:07:28,366 --> 00:07:32,666 With heat on one side and class on the other. 160 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,800 Something's bound to give. 161 00:07:34,933 --> 00:07:36,700 What are you saying? 162 00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:40,133 That your date is gonna heat up my date? 163 00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:42,133 That's disgusting. 164 00:07:43,933 --> 00:07:45,300 What do I do? 165 00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:52,533 How's that chili? Mmm. 166 00:07:52,666 --> 00:07:56,133 [BOTH COO, CHUCKLE] 167 00:07:56,266 --> 00:07:59,433 Does it make us all warm inside? 168 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:02,233 Uh-huh. 169 00:08:02,366 --> 00:08:05,666 My turn. Mmm, mmm. 170 00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:11,733 [MADELAINE MOANS] 171 00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:22,266 No, I'll just stick with my chef's salad, thank you. 172 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,300 Don't you dare lick those fingers. Leave them for me. 173 00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:34,566 Michael, I think perhaps we should call it an evening. 174 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,966 We could go upstairs. We could wash our hands. 175 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:41,166 No, I'm sorry, but I don't think I care to go upstairs. 176 00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:42,700 Hey. 177 00:08:42,833 --> 00:08:46,300 Either one of you dashing caballeros 178 00:08:46,433 --> 00:08:49,733 wanna buy a rose for your sharp-looking señoritas? 179 00:08:49,866 --> 00:08:52,166 Oh, go away. 180 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,466 How much? Six bucks. 181 00:08:57,033 --> 00:08:59,866 Let me ask you something. How do you get a figure like that? 182 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,500 What is it, cost plus 9000 percent? 183 00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:04,833 We'll take one. 184 00:09:04,966 --> 00:09:07,300 Why? 185 00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:09,666 Rosa Multiflora. 186 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,933 Japanese variety. Small blossoms. 187 00:09:13,066 --> 00:09:16,033 Oh, lovely fragrance. 188 00:09:16,166 --> 00:09:18,533 Madelaine's a botanist. Oh, really? 189 00:09:18,666 --> 00:09:20,100 That sounds fascinating. 190 00:09:20,233 --> 00:09:22,366 Oh, it is fascinating. 191 00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,366 Why don't you let her tell you about it? 192 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,133 Oh, I don't want to bore everyone with what I do. 193 00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:29,533 No, no, you wouldn't be boring them. 194 00:09:29,666 --> 00:09:34,066 [SIGHS] This afternoon, I went to check on my roses. 195 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,866 And when I opened the greenhouse door, 196 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,866 this wave of hot wet air wafted over. 197 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,333 And around me, moistening my clothes 198 00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:46,066 so that they clung to my body. 199 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,000 The air was redolent with 200 00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:51,366 the fragrances of gardenias, magnolias, camellias, 201 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,333 so lush it made me dizzy. 202 00:09:53,466 --> 00:09:54,933 [GIGGLES, MOANS] 203 00:09:55,066 --> 00:09:57,033 As I leaned to catch my breath, 204 00:09:57,166 --> 00:10:00,800 I saw him. A single bee. 205 00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,233 Drunk with the heady elixir 206 00:10:03,366 --> 00:10:06,533 of so many available ripening blossoms. 207 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,900 I was there alone. 208 00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:14,100 And there was something about this bee. 209 00:10:14,233 --> 00:10:19,033 Wandering from maiden to maiden like a satyr. 210 00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:21,900 Small-winged Ulysses, 211 00:10:22,033 --> 00:10:24,400 circling the beckoning petals 212 00:10:24,533 --> 00:10:28,100 and then, no longer able to control his buzzing frenzy. 213 00:10:28,233 --> 00:10:30,900 he dives into the awaiting blossom, 214 00:10:31,033 --> 00:10:34,100 drinking deeply, until... 215 00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:37,500 oh, completely spent, 216 00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:39,933 he falls back 217 00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:42,466 on the trembling leaf. 218 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,000 [MOANS] 219 00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:47,733 And sleeps. 220 00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:03,633 I'll have some chili now, Michael. 221 00:11:03,766 --> 00:11:08,100 [RIMSKY-KORSAKOV'S "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE" PLAYING] 222 00:11:08,233 --> 00:11:09,166 Joe? 223 00:11:10,566 --> 00:11:11,500 Joe? 224 00:11:13,366 --> 00:11:16,100 Thank you. I love you. What an evening. This is-- 225 00:11:16,233 --> 00:11:18,966 I owe ya. Give me the 6 bucks for the rose. 226 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,033 Get lost. 227 00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:24,100 [POP MUSIC PLAYING] 228 00:11:24,233 --> 00:11:26,600 [CHATTERING, GIGGLING] 229 00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:33,466 GIRL: What happened? 230 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:39,533 Nicole. Sweetheart. Can I just have one word with you? 231 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:44,633 And, uh, that word would be "what." 232 00:11:44,766 --> 00:11:48,600 Um, see, remember we invited Rebecca? 233 00:11:48,733 --> 00:11:51,333 Courtney and Nina found out, then everybody found out, 234 00:11:51,466 --> 00:11:52,666 so we made a pajama party. 235 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,900 It's okay with everybody's parents and I knew 236 00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:57,400 it would be okay because we're watching each other. 237 00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:58,500 [LAUGHS] I'm Nicole. 238 00:11:58,633 --> 00:11:59,500 I'm Elizabeth. 239 00:11:59,633 --> 00:12:00,800 I'm Madelaine. 240 00:12:00,933 --> 00:12:04,733 Wanna meet my friends? ELIZABETH & MADELAINE: Yeah. 241 00:12:04,866 --> 00:12:09,500 It's a pajama party, Joe. 242 00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:12,066 And it's not ours. 243 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,300 [ALL GIGGLING] 244 00:12:22,966 --> 00:12:24,100 This close. 245 00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:26,100 I was this close to the perfect evening 246 00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:28,333 with the perfect woman. 247 00:12:28,466 --> 00:12:32,033 I guess a relationship here just wasn't meant to be. 248 00:12:32,166 --> 00:12:35,466 Guess I was meant to grow old alone. 249 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,133 Maybe someday, you and Nicole 250 00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:41,433 visit me in the home for the old and alone. 251 00:12:43,833 --> 00:12:45,033 Give 'em a couple minutes. 252 00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:47,433 They're not gonna talk to little girls all night. 253 00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:49,866 What are we playing? It's a game Rachel made up. 254 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,066 It's got a zillion rules, okay? 255 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,833 [GIRLS GIGGLE] 256 00:12:53,966 --> 00:12:56,366 It's got a zillion rules, Joe. 257 00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:01,466 Well, don't panic, 'cause I've got a shirt. 258 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,400 Good news. For a second there, I thought this was all lost. 259 00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,966 But now you're telling me you have a shirt. 260 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,100 I got this shirt that Madelaine gave me. 261 00:13:09,233 --> 00:13:12,366 Because she thinks I look great in it. Heh, get it? 262 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,733 Oh, I get it, sure. 263 00:13:14,866 --> 00:13:16,566 You put on the shirt, she sees you, 264 00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:18,333 boom, the greenhouse effect. 265 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,100 Then you two leave, and I spend my evening 266 00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:24,966 learning the zillion rules? No, no. I don't think so. 267 00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:26,433 What do you want me to do? 268 00:13:26,566 --> 00:13:29,900 I want you to stay here and grow old and miserable with me. 269 00:13:30,033 --> 00:13:33,266 You said you owe me. This is my night. 270 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,600 Now, I'm collecting. I'm collecting my date. 271 00:13:35,733 --> 00:13:38,466 Okay? Now, you're staying. I'm leaving. 272 00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:42,600 You promise to feel really guilty? 273 00:13:43,733 --> 00:13:45,066 Absolutely. 274 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,666 Whatever. Put on the shirt. 275 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,800 So then, in the cafeteria, he smiled at me. 276 00:13:50,933 --> 00:13:52,766 [GIRLS GIGGLE] Not. 277 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,966 He stuffed a whole bagel into his mouth. 278 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,600 It kinda looked like a smile. 279 00:13:56,733 --> 00:13:59,866 See, the point is that he meant it just for me 280 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,100 and I know that if-- 281 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,533 [STAMMERS] What kind of bagel was it? 282 00:14:17,666 --> 00:14:21,433 Um, Michael, come here. Come on. 283 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,533 I don't know what happened. 284 00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:26,433 The topic was bagels. I kept it going. 285 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,133 Michael. 286 00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:31,500 They're girls. They were talking, you know, girl talk. 287 00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:35,000 I see. So I violated some preteen code? 288 00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:38,266 I'll go sit in the corner. Care to sit with me? 289 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,233 So like, when you kiss Joey, do you keep your eyes open? 290 00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:42,500 [GIRLS GIGGLE] 291 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,933 I would. He is so cute. 292 00:14:45,066 --> 00:14:46,666 [ALL GIGGLE] 293 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:47,733 Gross. 294 00:14:47,866 --> 00:14:49,833 You don't think he's cute? 295 00:14:49,966 --> 00:14:52,300 He's my dad. Jeez. 296 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,400 [GIRLS GIGGLE] 297 00:14:53,533 --> 00:14:54,866 I think he's cute. 298 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,133 [GIRLS GIGGLE] 299 00:14:56,266 --> 00:14:58,733 He's your boyfriend. He's special. 300 00:14:58,866 --> 00:15:00,866 Well, he's one of my boyfriends. 301 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,966 [GASPS] 302 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:08,233 Well, Joey thinks you're special. 303 00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:10,566 He said so. That's so sweet. 304 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:12,266 [GIRLS GIGGLE] 305 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,133 Tell us about some of the other guys. 306 00:15:14,266 --> 00:15:15,733 GIRLS: Yeah. 307 00:15:15,866 --> 00:15:20,566 No, no, I don't want to take over the party. 308 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:23,433 There's this one guy. 309 00:15:23,566 --> 00:15:25,966 He's a hockey player. 310 00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,433 [GIRLS CHEER, WHOOP] 311 00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:32,233 Sweetie, are you upset by what Madelaine just said? 312 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,700 No. 313 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:37,233 Yes. Throw her out. 314 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:39,500 What? 315 00:15:39,633 --> 00:15:41,033 What's she hanging around for? 316 00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,833 Joey's nothing special. He's just some guy she dates. 317 00:15:43,966 --> 00:15:46,366 Sweetheart, I don't think I have a solid reason 318 00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,900 to just take Joey's date and toss her out the door. 319 00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:52,833 She's traumatizing your daughter in front of all my friends. 320 00:15:52,966 --> 00:15:55,466 That's not a solid reason? 321 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,366 This is a lady you've never met before in your life. 322 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,900 She says Joey's not special, and you believe her? 323 00:16:01,033 --> 00:16:04,033 What is she, an expert? Does she have a Ph.D. in Joey? 324 00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:09,300 Well, she dates him. She has to know him a little. 325 00:16:09,433 --> 00:16:11,166 You live with him. You know him a lot. 326 00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:12,966 It's what you think that counts. 327 00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,400 I think he's great. 328 00:16:14,533 --> 00:16:16,233 Well, there you go. 329 00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,733 But what about you? 330 00:16:17,866 --> 00:16:19,866 What do you mean? 331 00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:22,933 You live with him also. 332 00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:27,700 Hey, I think he's darn-near swell. 333 00:16:32,666 --> 00:16:34,633 That was really nice. 334 00:16:34,766 --> 00:16:36,833 Hey, she makes me look good. 335 00:16:36,966 --> 00:16:39,500 She makes you look real good. 336 00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:47,100 Go be 12. 337 00:16:47,233 --> 00:16:48,866 Wasn't there something adult 338 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,933 going on on this side of the room? 339 00:16:51,066 --> 00:16:52,800 What's it like to kiss a boy? 340 00:16:52,933 --> 00:16:54,366 Uh. 341 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:57,100 You don't know? Ha, ha. A pretty girl like you? 342 00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,033 What are you waiting for? 343 00:16:59,166 --> 00:17:00,966 You just pick one with pretty eyes 344 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,300 and you make yourself kissable. 345 00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,466 Hey, Madelaine, maybe... 346 00:17:07,533 --> 00:17:10,466 Maybe little girls don't really need to be kissable just yet. 347 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,133 Oh, Michael, loosen up. 348 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,066 The main thing you have to do 349 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,600 is find out what boys like. 350 00:17:16,733 --> 00:17:17,666 Joey! 351 00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:22,766 Joe-- JOEY: I lost a button. 352 00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:25,133 You won't need it. 353 00:17:26,566 --> 00:17:29,466 So the whole idea is to look like you're not interested 354 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,700 but let them know you are. 355 00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:34,066 That's what sexy is all about. 356 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:38,833 Madelaine, uh, no sexy. Can we just change the subject? 357 00:17:38,966 --> 00:17:41,566 Are you an artist like Joey? I study plants. 358 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,800 Joe! 359 00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:45,233 Sounds boring. 360 00:17:45,366 --> 00:17:49,133 Oh, no. It's stimulating. 361 00:17:49,266 --> 00:17:51,600 When I open the door to the greenhouse 362 00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:54,066 and it's all warm and damp inside... 363 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,766 Ooh, oh, I just remembered something. 364 00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:59,000 What? Get out. 365 00:18:00,566 --> 00:18:02,633 What are you doing? Where are we going? 366 00:18:02,766 --> 00:18:05,233 I don't want you telling my daughter what boys like, 367 00:18:05,366 --> 00:18:07,400 I don't want you telling her what bees like. 368 00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:09,300 She'll learn about that in good time. 369 00:18:09,433 --> 00:18:12,166 From me. When she's 40. 370 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:14,466 Are you throwing me out? 371 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,533 You know, I can hardly believe it myself. 372 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,266 Nicole, this is so great. 373 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,066 It's like living in Knott's Landing. 374 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,266 [ALL GIGGLE] 375 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,200 JOEY: Ready or not, here I come. 376 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:30,900 Stay tuned. 377 00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:35,000 [GIRLS WHOOP] 378 00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:38,233 Thank you, one and all. 379 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,266 Uh. 380 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,000 Are we, like, missing somebody? Where's Madelaine? 381 00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,533 GIRL: Oh... 382 00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:52,566 Joe. Come here. 383 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:55,500 Now, let me ask you something. 384 00:18:55,633 --> 00:18:57,466 In all the years we've known each other, 385 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,000 have I said anything rotten about your girlfriends? 386 00:19:00,133 --> 00:19:02,666 You've said rotten things about every one of them. 387 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,566 Well, then, this will come as no surprise to you. 388 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:11,133 The botanist is the rottenist. 389 00:19:11,266 --> 00:19:13,733 You should've heard what she was teaching these kids. 390 00:19:13,866 --> 00:19:16,166 Where is Madelaine? Nicole was there, listening. 391 00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:17,233 Where is she? 392 00:19:17,366 --> 00:19:19,033 He threw her out. [ALL GIGGLING] 393 00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,133 What? He threw out your date. 394 00:19:21,266 --> 00:19:23,200 [ALL GIGGLING] 395 00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,366 Go bake brownies, huh? 396 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,566 Or put on colorful hats, okay? 397 00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:33,266 You threw Madelaine out? 398 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,133 She was teaching a Lolita class, Joe. 399 00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:37,700 She was back in the greenhouse. 400 00:19:37,833 --> 00:19:39,466 What are you complaining about? 401 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,866 A minute ago, you didn't care down at Klawicki's. 402 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,366 When my date was heating up your date. 403 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,266 Wait, wait a minute, wait. 404 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,500 His date was supposed to get me to come up here? 405 00:19:49,633 --> 00:19:51,166 You planned this? 406 00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:54,466 No, no plan. It was just pure luck. 407 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,466 You're a pig, Michael. Good night. 408 00:20:04,433 --> 00:20:06,133 Thank you, Joe. What was that? 409 00:20:06,266 --> 00:20:08,400 Was that your unique brand of retribution? 410 00:20:08,533 --> 00:20:10,833 Hey, you threw Madelaine out. 411 00:20:10,966 --> 00:20:12,733 I threw out a corrupter of young minds. 412 00:20:12,866 --> 00:20:14,400 You threw out an innocent woman. 413 00:20:14,533 --> 00:20:16,066 Your woman walked. 414 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:20,200 Well, your shirt's stupid. 415 00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:22,400 Are you gonna throw anyone else out? 416 00:20:22,533 --> 00:20:25,866 Yeah, throw me out. Then me. 417 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:30,066 Uh, I think we should just throw ourselves out, Joe. 418 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,300 Dads, Dads. You're popular with my friends. 419 00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:35,766 They love you. You guys are killing 'em. 420 00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,866 They love us, Joe. 421 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,966 Well, good night. You all go to bed. 422 00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:43,766 [GIRLS GROAN] 423 00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:45,400 They hate you now. 424 00:20:46,766 --> 00:20:48,800 Well, that's the theme for the evening. 425 00:20:48,933 --> 00:20:50,933 Let's go, everybody. Lights out. 426 00:20:51,066 --> 00:20:53,033 We're not tired. Tell us a story. 427 00:20:53,166 --> 00:20:55,233 MICHAEL: All right. 428 00:20:55,366 --> 00:20:59,966 Once upon a time, there were two bears. Who both had dates. 429 00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,500 Even though it was one bear's night. 430 00:21:02,633 --> 00:21:04,133 And the other bear is supposed to 431 00:21:04,266 --> 00:21:05,833 stay home and watch Goldilocks. 432 00:21:05,966 --> 00:21:08,033 [LAUGHS] That's me. 433 00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:11,033 So the two bears 434 00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:13,800 had a stupid dinner at stupid Klawicki's. 435 00:21:13,933 --> 00:21:16,200 And the first bear said, 436 00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:17,966 "My porridge is real hot. 437 00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:19,600 And your porridge is real cold. 438 00:21:19,733 --> 00:21:22,200 Why don't we warm your porridge up with my porridge?" 439 00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:24,933 It was a stupid idea then, and it's a stupid idea now. 440 00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:27,066 It was working at the time, thank you. 441 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,300 Said the other bear. 442 00:21:30,633 --> 00:21:33,366 So the moral to this story is-- 443 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,733 You don't throw the other bear's porridge out 444 00:21:35,866 --> 00:21:37,266 when he's changing his shirt. 445 00:21:39,533 --> 00:21:43,166 No, the moral to this story is 446 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:47,200 we're papa bears now. And Goldilocks lives with us. 447 00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:51,233 So from now on, when we bring porridge home, 448 00:21:51,366 --> 00:21:55,866 It can't be real hot. And it can't be real cold. 449 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,966 It has to be just right. 450 00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:00,566 The end. 451 00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:03,133 That's the worst story I ever heard. 452 00:22:03,266 --> 00:22:04,733 Night. 453 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,100 Actually, that's probably one of the best stories you ever told. 454 00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:14,733 Where's my daughter's face? I want to kiss it good night. 455 00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:17,166 Here. Here. Here. 456 00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:19,266 [ALL GIGGLING] 457 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,266 I'm over here, Dads. 458 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,000 Good night, Nick. 459 00:22:24,266 --> 00:22:25,700 Sleep good. 460 00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:27,866 Hey, sweet dreams, Goldilocks. 461 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,200 You too, Papa Bear. 462 00:22:32,833 --> 00:22:36,233 So you're not mad at me anymore, are you? 463 00:22:36,366 --> 00:22:40,566 Yeah, I'm mad at you. You ruined my night. 464 00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:42,633 You threw out my date. 465 00:22:42,766 --> 00:22:45,966 That's the last I'm gonna see of her. 466 00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:48,266 And you were right to do it. 467 00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:52,300 Maybe from now on we should be a little more careful 468 00:22:52,433 --> 00:22:54,566 about who we let into the cave. 469 00:22:56,666 --> 00:22:58,233 Tell me something, Michael. 470 00:22:58,366 --> 00:23:01,033 Is anybody ever gonna be sleeping in my bed? 471 00:23:01,166 --> 00:23:03,300 Not tomorrow. 472 00:23:03,433 --> 00:23:05,000 It's my night. 473 00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:07,066 [♪♪♪] 474 00:23:10,733 --> 00:23:12,666 [♪♪♪] 32140

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