Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,190 --> 00:00:02,820
[???]
2
00:00:03,020 --> 00:00:04,930
NICOLE:
Cute, huh?
3
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,270
This is my dad.
And this is my dad.
4
00:00:07,470 --> 00:00:10,050
How'd I get two dads?
They inherited me.
5
00:00:10,250 --> 00:00:11,980
Congratulations.
It's a girl.
6
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:14,200
Here's the judge
who brought us together.
7
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,080
She lives in our building.
My building. I own it.
8
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,810
NICOLE:
we're one big happy family
9
00:00:20,010 --> 00:00:21,180
with one dad
who's down to earth
10
00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:23,260
and one dad
with his head in the clouds.
11
00:00:23,460 --> 00:00:25,270
I-I think we're
father of the year.
12
00:00:25,470 --> 00:00:28,860
? You can count on me ?
13
00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:31,000
? No matter what you do ?
14
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,830
? You can count on me ?
15
00:00:34,030 --> 00:00:35,280
? No matter where you go ?
16
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:38,010
? I'm standing by your side ?
17
00:00:38,210 --> 00:00:40,170
? I'll be right behind ?
18
00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:43,040
? No one loves you
More than I do ?
19
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,170
? Put your hand in mine ?
20
00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:48,080
? You can count on me ?
21
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,260
? No matter what you do ?
22
00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:53,050
? You can count on me ?
23
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,240
? No matter where you go ?
24
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,090
? You can count on me ?
25
00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:02,160
I'm stuck on this question.
26
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,080
Yeah, that's a hard one.
27
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,920
Go ahead, read it again.
28
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,270
"You leave the disco
in your date's Ferrari.
29
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:10,900
"He drives you home
and walks you to your door.
30
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,890
"Gazing deeply into your eyes,
he asks
31
00:01:13,090 --> 00:01:14,270
"if he may kiss you
good night.
32
00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:15,820
What should you say?"
33
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:19,130
Touch me and my father
will rip your face off.
34
00:01:20,140 --> 00:01:21,850
That's correct, Dad.
35
00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:24,280
WOMAN [DISTANTLY]:
Legs! Legs?
36
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,110
Hey, Legs!
37
00:01:28,010 --> 00:01:31,250
[CHUCKLES]
That's my date.
38
00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:33,000
I gotta run.
39
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,890
Thanks for watching Nicole,
Dana. You're an angel.
40
00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:38,270
Oh, no problem.
What are neighbors for?
41
00:01:38,470 --> 00:01:42,810
Ooh, that face,
I miss it already. Ooh.
42
00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:46,140
Good night, Dad.
Good night.
43
00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,260
Anybody need anything?
44
00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:50,230
Just go.
JOEY: All right.
45
00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:52,030
Bye.
46
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,940
Good evening, Joey.
47
00:01:56,140 --> 00:01:58,040
There's a delightful
young lady
48
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,060
standing in front
of my building calling out:
49
00:02:01,260 --> 00:02:05,150
"I want you, I want you now,
the love train is boarding."
50
00:02:07,010 --> 00:02:08,270
Would you know
anything about this?
51
00:02:08,470 --> 00:02:11,050
Me? Gosh, no, judge.
52
00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:16,800
I can ask around for you.
53
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,280
I'll handle it.
54
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,800
Sorry to be a bother.
No bother.
55
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,280
Good night.
56
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,830
All right, I'm on my way
outta here now.
57
00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:27,850
Okay? Everybody's comfortable?
You happy?
58
00:02:28,050 --> 00:02:30,270
It's a little chilly in here.
You need a blanket?
59
00:02:30,470 --> 00:02:31,070
Leave.
60
00:02:31,270 --> 00:02:33,070
I'm leaving. Bye.
61
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:37,250
Have a good time, Legs.
62
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,970
How come Joey
doesn't bring his dates
63
00:02:44,170 --> 00:02:45,270
up to the apartment?
Come on.
64
00:02:50,180 --> 00:02:52,070
Oh.
65
00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:56,270
I gotta be one of
the two dumbest dads you've got.
66
00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:00,220
Michael. What are you
doing home so early?
67
00:03:00,420 --> 00:03:02,980
I left with my date
for a 7:00 dinner
68
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:05,850
at this quaint little
over-priced nouveau-shlock,
69
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:07,100
lines around the block,
70
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:09,800
$20-extra-for-a-lousy-
cloth-napkin restaurant,
71
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,180
and I forget my wallet.
72
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:12,270
I don't know.
73
00:03:12,470 --> 00:03:13,990
Where's your date?
74
00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:16,860
Oh, my God. I left her
in the cab. I need my wallet.
75
00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:18,090
I gotta buy her back.
76
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,240
Michael?
77
00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:23,240
I paid for
the cab driver myself.
78
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,000
Robin. Come on in.
Come on in.
79
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,120
Meet my family.
Meet my daughter.
80
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:29,130
Your daughter?
81
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,060
This is Nicole.
82
00:03:32,260 --> 00:03:34,070
Nicole. Hi.
83
00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:37,200
Uh, pleased to meet you.
84
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,990
You have a daughter.
Yeah, isn't she terrific?
85
00:03:41,190 --> 00:03:43,220
I-- You two
are gonna be great friends.
86
00:03:43,420 --> 00:03:44,830
Oh...
87
00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:48,010
Come on. Come on, I'll tell you
all about her over dinner.
88
00:03:48,210 --> 00:03:50,110
Uh, Michael, wait.
Now, what's wrong?
89
00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:52,070
You didn't tell me
you had a daughter.
90
00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:53,070
Yeah.
91
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:56,260
Well, you just
don't get this, do you?
92
00:03:56,460 --> 00:03:57,800
I don't get what?
93
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,110
This changes everything.
94
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:00,130
You didn't tell me
95
00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:02,160
you had a daughter
when you asked me out.
96
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,050
Would it have made
Yes.
97
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:08,890
You're serious?
Of course I'm serious.
98
00:04:09,090 --> 00:04:11,140
Michael,
I don't want a family.
99
00:04:11,340 --> 00:04:15,000
I don't even want a dog.
Wait, wait, wait.
100
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,920
You're gonna love her.
101
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,020
You two,
you'll hang out together.
102
00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:21,100
You'll be like
mother and daughter.
103
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:23,270
This isn't helping, is it?
104
00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:25,200
Goodbye, Michael.
105
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,000
Uh, what happened?
106
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,260
Nothing.
Nothing happened.
107
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,830
But your date just left.
108
00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:44,060
Yeah. She was tired.
109
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:49,030
It was because of me,
wasn't it?
110
00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:52,890
No, no, no. She's a jerk.
111
00:04:53,090 --> 00:04:56,070
Jerks get tired really easy.
112
00:04:56,270 --> 00:04:58,260
So Michael, if you're
going to be home,
113
00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:01,120
I guess you won't
be needing me anymore.
114
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,100
Uh, no. Thanks, Dana.
115
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:07,800
Wait. I know.
116
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,050
I cordially invite you
to join Dana and me
117
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:13,000
for our Saturday
night ritual,
118
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,230
commonly known as
Pigging Out On Banana Splits.
119
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:23,080
I don't know. Is there
a dress code involved, or what?
120
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,140
You need a wallet.
121
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,070
Dana, where would I be
without you?
122
00:05:30,270 --> 00:05:31,840
In a cab with a jerk.
123
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,810
Why go out with some woman
who doesn't appreciate you,
124
00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:39,180
when Dana's right here and
you're perfect for each other?
125
00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:43,110
[???]
126
00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:51,060
[MICHAEL, DANA & NICOLE
LAUGHING]
127
00:05:54,050 --> 00:05:56,270
Shh, we'll wake
the neighbors.
128
00:05:56,470 --> 00:06:00,060
Wait. I am the neighbors.
129
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:04,020
No, no. I can't stand it.
My stomach is broken.
130
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:07,200
Oh, and whose fault is that,
Miss Two-Banana-Splits?
131
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,050
Now what can we eat?
132
00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:12,910
Oh, no.
It's way past your bedtime.
133
00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:15,040
Throw up and go to sleep.
134
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,820
Okay. Good night, everybody.
135
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,230
Good night.
Sleep tight.
136
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:26,150
You know,
you two look good together.
137
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:28,000
Good night.
138
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:35,990
[GIGGLES]
the Nicole seal of approval.
139
00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:40,060
Yeah, but that's not enough.
I want a dowry.
140
00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:42,160
Tell your father
I need cattle.
141
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,000
[LAUGHS]
142
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:48,170
Well, I really had
a good time tonight.
143
00:06:48,370 --> 00:06:51,270
Yeah, I did too. Thanks
for letting me tag along.
144
00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:52,250
Well.
145
00:06:55,070 --> 00:06:57,100
Let go.
The date is over.
146
00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:06,020
Good evening, Michael.
147
00:07:07,070 --> 00:07:08,260
Good evening, Dana.
148
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,290
You and Nicole
have fun tonight?
149
00:07:13,150 --> 00:07:15,100
Yeah.
JOEY: Good.
150
00:07:17,050 --> 00:07:18,130
Is she asleep?
151
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,110
Uh-huh.
Like I should be.
152
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,080
Hey, don't leave
on my account.
153
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,070
Dana, wait one second.
154
00:07:30,290 --> 00:07:32,810
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
155
00:07:33,010 --> 00:07:34,170
[MICHAEL & DANA LAUGHING]
156
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,250
Bye-bye.
Good night.
157
00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:45,270
Hey, hey.
158
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,110
What's all that about?
159
00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:50,060
What was all what about?
160
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:54,080
All that nudge, nudge,
wink, wink stuff at the door.
161
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,030
I mean, correct me
if I'm wrong,
162
00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:59,230
but that was not the date
you started out with tonight.
163
00:07:59,430 --> 00:08:02,010
That's correct.
My date dumped me.
164
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:06,000
Ah, that must be humiliating.
165
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,100
You wait. It's gonna happen
to you too, Joey.
166
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:12,250
'Cause you've got
what I've got. A kid.
167
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:15,800
Robin dumped me
because I've got a kid.
168
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,230
And I understand that because
I used to be the same way.
169
00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:21,020
I'd date a woman,
go back to her place,
170
00:08:21,220 --> 00:08:23,200
and if I saw a Smurf,
goodbye.
171
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:27,240
And now, and now here I am,
and I'm someone with a kid.
172
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,210
Are we all out
of Count Chocula?
173
00:08:32,150 --> 00:08:34,020
Two kids.
174
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:36,010
Let's face the facts, Joey.
175
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:39,070
We are no longer
college boys on the make.
176
00:08:39,270 --> 00:08:41,990
We're fathers.
We have responsibilities.
177
00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:45,140
And there's a new kind of woman
we have to start seeing.
178
00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:47,050
The kind
that likes Nicole.
179
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:48,880
Is that why
you're seeing Dana?
180
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,940
I'm not seeing Dana.
We just, you know.
181
00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:53,260
She's the type of person
I'm talking about, but--
182
00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:55,040
She's like a cousin.
183
00:08:56,210 --> 00:09:00,070
Dana is the girl next door.
Dana is Gidget.
184
00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:04,030
So why are you so sensitive
about you and Gidget?
185
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,090
I'm not sensitive.
186
00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:09,140
I just went out with her
for the first time tonight.
187
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:12,880
And it wasn't
even going out.
188
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,170
It was more like
the sharing of fudge.
189
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,250
So it's not me and Dana.
190
00:09:18,450 --> 00:09:19,850
It's me
191
00:09:20,050 --> 00:09:22,060
and Dana.
192
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:25,030
Do you get the picture?
193
00:09:27,220 --> 00:09:28,230
What?
194
00:09:28,430 --> 00:09:30,210
[???]
195
00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:35,230
DANA:
Okay, open wide.
196
00:09:35,430 --> 00:09:37,890
Ah.
Now taste.
197
00:09:38,090 --> 00:09:40,100
Mmm.
Chicken piccata.
198
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,280
Chicken piccata.
This is unbelievable.
199
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,190
This is--
And nobody defrosted it,
200
00:09:45,390 --> 00:09:48,030
nobody delivered it,
two wonderful people made it
201
00:09:48,230 --> 00:09:50,240
for me
with ingredients and heat.
202
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,270
I just want to eat this and die.
203
00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:55,890
Hey, what smells so good?
204
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:57,170
Dinner. For me.
205
00:09:57,370 --> 00:09:58,070
Again?
206
00:09:58,270 --> 00:10:00,940
Dana is a great cook.
207
00:10:01,140 --> 00:10:03,220
And wait'll you taste
her pecan pie.
208
00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:05,940
Which is in my oven,
and probably done.
209
00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:09,100
Nicole, why don't I go get it,
and you wash up for dinner.
210
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:10,170
Consider me washed.
211
00:10:10,370 --> 00:10:12,110
Joey, can you join us
for dinner?
212
00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:15,920
Oh, no? That's too bad.
Maybe some other time.
213
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,130
No thanks,
I had a big breakfast.
214
00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:20,000
See, that worked out good.
215
00:10:23,070 --> 00:10:25,040
[SIGHS]
Joey, Joey, Joey.
216
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,080
This. This is what
you call a life.
217
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:32,910
So now you and Dana
are you and Dana, huh?
218
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,950
I used to think
relationships were hard.
219
00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:37,190
I thought you had to
work at relationships.
220
00:10:37,390 --> 00:10:41,150
This relationship is so good,
I didn't even know I had it.
221
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,860
I'm happy for you, Michael.
222
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:45,050
Dana and I,
we're like a couple of kids.
223
00:10:45,250 --> 00:10:47,170
We go to the park,
we go to the zoo.
224
00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:49,170
Any place in town
with balloons,
225
00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:51,260
we've been there.
It's wonderful.
226
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:53,020
Sounds comfortable.
227
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,060
Yeah.
228
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:56,930
What do you mean, comfortable?
Huh?
229
00:10:57,130 --> 00:11:01,070
I said it's wonderful.
You said it's comfortable.
230
00:11:01,270 --> 00:11:05,000
I meant comfortable
in the least boring sense.
231
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:08,050
That's not better.
232
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,140
Michael, it's your life.
Do what you want with it.
233
00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:12,830
You shouldn't listen to me
anyway
234
00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:14,210
because I only get you angry.
235
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,210
Why are you doing this, Joey?
236
00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:24,010
Why? Dana and I have
something wonderful here.
237
00:11:24,210 --> 00:11:27,800
This is about not getting
any chicken piccata isn't it?
238
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:31,020
I don't see any you and Dana.
I see you, Dana and Nicole.
239
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:32,270
What's wrong with that?
240
00:11:32,470 --> 00:11:34,810
Nothing, if that's
what you're looking for.
241
00:11:35,010 --> 00:11:36,260
That's what I'm looking for.
242
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:39,800
Good. Hey, the zoo,
the park, balloons, oh, my.
243
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,140
That's okay
with you and Nicole.
244
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:43,830
But you and Dana,
you oughta
245
00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:46,220
find places where there's
people your own height.
246
00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:48,920
I think maybe
you're a little bit jealous
247
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,900
because you're on the outside
of a great relationship.
248
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,260
There is no relationship.
249
00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:56,850
Two is a relationship.
Three is the Supremes.
250
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,070
You don't know anything
about this woman.
251
00:11:59,270 --> 00:12:00,860
I know everything
about this woman.
252
00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:03,170
Who's her favorite author?
Her favorite group?
253
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:04,880
Have you ever been
alone with her?
254
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,240
Wait, wait, wait.
When you say alone, how alone?
255
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,280
I mean, just the two of you,
Michael.
256
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,030
I know
that's a radical concept,
257
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,160
but one you're gonna
have to explore
258
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,120
when Nicole goes
off to summer camp,
259
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,020
and Mommy and Daddy have to
become man and woman.
260
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,280
DANA:
I need a little help out here.
261
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,260
[???]
262
00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:27,850
I've got dessert.
263
00:12:28,050 --> 00:12:29,170
Where's Nicole?
264
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:31,170
Let's put the pie down.
265
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,040
What's going on?
266
00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:48,220
More pie for us.
267
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:02,960
You kissed me.
268
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,160
You seem surprised. Which is
an interesting response.
269
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,850
Just not the one
I had in mind.
270
00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:10,140
Well, what did you
have in mind, Michael?
271
00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:13,160
I mean, why did you
bring me to my place?
272
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,050
I brought you here because--
273
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:18,120
I brought you here because
I have to know something.
274
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,060
What?
275
00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:24,150
Okay. You and I have become
very close very fast, so...
276
00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:28,910
So you know.
Naturally, the question arises.
277
00:13:29,110 --> 00:13:31,110
Uh, who's your favorite group?
278
00:13:32,130 --> 00:13:32,950
What?
279
00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:34,850
Group.
Who's your favorite group?
280
00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:36,220
Well, religious or political?
281
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:38,820
Singing.
Just say the Beatles.
282
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:40,130
I like classical music.
283
00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:41,980
No, you don't. No.
284
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:44,880
Forget that question,
forget it, we'll move on.
285
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,230
Who's your favorite author?
It would be Hemingway.
286
00:13:47,430 --> 00:13:48,920
It's Hemingway, right?
Steinbeck.
287
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,290
Just say Hemingway Steinbeck.
288
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:54,140
This is really a great place.
It really is.
289
00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:57,010
Why is everything beige?
290
00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:59,920
Michael,
what's come over you?
291
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,230
Why did you bring me here?
Why did you kiss me?
292
00:14:05,050 --> 00:14:09,940
Because
I'm not hungry anymore, Dana.
293
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,880
We've got to stop eating
sometime. You know?
294
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,240
You cook and you cook
and you cook and I see you
295
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,110
standing there with a pie.
So I have a choice.
296
00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:20,990
I can eat the pie
or I can kiss your face.
297
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:23,180
Did you make
the right choice?
298
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:25,220
I'm attracted to you, Dana.
299
00:14:25,420 --> 00:14:27,120
I'm almost positive. I--
300
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,870
[STAMMERS]
I'm trying to explain
301
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:35,090
that I have a mental
but also a physical attraction
302
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:36,200
to your presence.
303
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,080
And you're not an unattractive
example of womanhood.,
304
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,110
and I myself
am not exactly slug vomit.
305
00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:47,820
What don't you understand?
306
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,240
Jane Austen.
What?
307
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,880
Is my favorite author.
I don't care.
308
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,160
I don't really care
about her.
309
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,810
I care about us.
You and me.
310
00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:59,070
[STAMMERING]
I mean, what, what are we?
311
00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:01,070
Would we ever
share a toothbrush?
312
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:03,090
Do you like me at all?
What?
313
00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:05,080
I like you.
Okay. Good.
314
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,270
All right,
so that's a start.
315
00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:12,920
So what we have, then, is a
mutual lack of repulsion. Good.
316
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,190
Which is better
than most of my relatives.
317
00:15:15,390 --> 00:15:17,080
Can we go back to dinner now?
318
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:18,880
No. No, no, no, no.
Not yet.
319
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,270
You're not going anywhere.
320
00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:26,000
I have to know
how you felt about the kiss.
321
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:30,980
Now, on a scale
of one to two,
322
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:34,900
because I don't really need
an ego beating right now.
323
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,010
Well--
Nah, nah.
324
00:15:36,210 --> 00:15:38,240
The sun was in my eyes.
That didn't count.
325
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,190
I was off-balance
for the whole kiss.
326
00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:42,160
That was not
my best work. No.
327
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,170
Michael, it was fine.
328
00:15:44,370 --> 00:15:45,260
Fine?
329
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:51,880
It was fine?
No, no, no, no. Fine.
330
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,040
Fine is not what you want to
hear after "How was my kiss?"
331
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:56,140
No. Fine is like:
332
00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:58,050
"How's your uncle?"
333
00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,030
"He's fine."
334
00:15:59,230 --> 00:16:02,250
Fine is: "Hey, how's that new
roofing material?" "It's fine."
335
00:16:02,450 --> 00:16:05,200
You know, but fine,
fine is not good.
336
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,980
Fine.
Fine is just fine.
337
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:08,900
What do you want me to say?
338
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,960
I don't want to want
to tell you what to say.
339
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,020
I would like you
to be honest.
340
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,130
And use the word "volcano."
341
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:25,080
I guess I just never
thought of us that way, Michael.
342
00:16:27,090 --> 00:16:29,250
I would like
to try another kiss.
343
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:34,020
You would?
Yeah, because that-- That kiss,
344
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,170
that was the one
that everybody gets...
345
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,070
But this one I've been saving
in the back especially for you.
346
00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:00,140
[BOTH SIGH]
347
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:05,160
BOTH:
Nothing.
348
00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:11,060
Maybe we should save some
of this for Dana and Michael.
349
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,210
Nah, they don't want any.
They're busy.
350
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,250
They're busy?
351
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,030
You know they're busy.
352
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,890
Yeah, I know they're busy.
353
00:17:27,090 --> 00:17:29,160
How busy do I know they are?
354
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,040
They're busy falling in love.
355
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,240
Aha. That's just
what I knew.
356
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,950
And it's about time.
What?
357
00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:42,160
I've been trying to
leave them alone together
358
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:43,970
for the past three weeks.
359
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:46,840
They take me to the movies,
I go to the bathroom.
360
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,270
A restaurant,
I go to the bathroom.
361
00:17:48,470 --> 00:17:50,170
The circus,
I go to the bathroom.
362
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,830
I go to the bathroom so much
363
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,200
I don't know why they don't
take me to the hospital.
364
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,870
Hey, you know, you just can't
throw two people together,
365
00:17:59,070 --> 00:18:02,210
and expect that you're gonna
build a solid relationship
366
00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:03,980
like Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.
367
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:07,080
I mean, you gotta find
two potatoes that are in love.
368
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,920
They are in love.
369
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,040
They have to be in love.
370
00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:14,050
I owe him.
371
00:18:15,030 --> 00:18:17,070
What do you mean, you owe him?
372
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:18,950
I owe him a girlfriend.
373
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:21,140
What are you talking about?
374
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,140
You know, that Robin girl
left him on account of me.
375
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,930
Oh...
376
00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:32,030
Nah, she would've left him
sooner or later anyway.
377
00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:34,160
Well, Dana's not
going to leave him.
378
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,040
They're perfect for each other.
379
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,010
Yeah. What makes you so sure?
380
00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:43,130
Hey, I brought you two
guys together, didn't I?
381
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,080
Good night.
382
00:18:52,150 --> 00:18:54,060
Have good dreams.
383
00:18:55,130 --> 00:18:57,140
You too, Dad.
All right.
384
00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:10,020
You ever have
one of those nights?
385
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:13,850
I've had 'em all.
That good or that bad?
386
00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:19,800
Never have a man and woman had
less in common than Dana and me.
387
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:20,920
You're kidding.
388
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:24,070
You've been gone three hours.
What have you been doing?
389
00:19:24,270 --> 00:19:25,280
Mostly apologizing.
390
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,920
For what?
391
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,820
For pushing something
that never
392
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,120
should have been pushed.
393
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,270
Why did you push me?
394
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:34,280
Hey, don't blame me because you
couldn't make the sparks fly.
395
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,140
I just told
you to take a look
396
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:39,220
at what kind of relationship
you had without Nicole.
397
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:41,820
Well, we took a look.
398
00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:45,150
And we have absolutely
nothing between us.
399
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,270
Except Nicole.
400
00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:48,850
But isn't that the best start?
401
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:53,130
I mean, shouldn't we be able
to build something on that?
402
00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:56,100
Michael, let me tell you
about my night.
403
00:19:57,140 --> 00:20:00,060
I spent it with Nicole
and a pecan pie.
404
00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:03,270
And it was the best
pecan pie I ever had.
405
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,800
So?
406
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,980
So I hate pecan pie.
407
00:20:08,180 --> 00:20:10,850
So?
So I ate it with Nicole.
408
00:20:11,050 --> 00:20:13,210
Don't you get it? Look.
You don't love Dana.
409
00:20:13,410 --> 00:20:14,810
You love Nicole.
410
00:20:15,010 --> 00:20:17,870
You love her so much that
there's a little left over
411
00:20:18,070 --> 00:20:20,180
for anybody else
who happens to be around.
412
00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:24,070
I know because
I feel the same way.
413
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,810
I mean, how do you think
you and I
414
00:20:27,010 --> 00:20:28,250
manage to live
under the same roof?
415
00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:32,990
Good point.
416
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,220
Joey made a good point.
417
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,030
This changes everything.
418
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:41,260
Now up is down. East is west.
419
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,840
Joey is wise.
420
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,210
Take me now.
421
00:20:48,010 --> 00:20:50,200
Michael, do you know
how important it is to Nicole
422
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,260
that this thing works out
with you and Dana?
423
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:53,090
Why?
424
00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:56,880
You could love Dana
if you wanted to.
425
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,080
Just you tell her
that you love her
426
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,930
and she loves you
and you both love me.
427
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,110
I don't see
what the big deal is.
428
00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:08,000
Nicole,
it's not all my fault.
429
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,050
She doesn't love me either.
430
00:21:11,150 --> 00:21:12,090
What?
431
00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:16,120
Honey, I know this is going
to come as a big shock,
432
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:21,260
but not every woman in the world
is in love with your fathers.
433
00:21:21,460 --> 00:21:23,000
What?
434
00:21:24,060 --> 00:21:25,800
I'm sorry, Joe.
435
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,290
I didn't mean for you
to find out this way.
436
00:21:28,490 --> 00:21:30,260
You didn't try hard enough.
437
00:21:30,460 --> 00:21:33,050
I tried my brains out.
438
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,120
It-- It's not there, Nicole.
439
00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:41,170
So, what's gonna
happen to me?
440
00:21:41,370 --> 00:21:43,000
What?
441
00:21:45,050 --> 00:21:46,160
Michael...
442
00:21:47,270 --> 00:21:49,240
If you and Dana don't work out,
443
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,810
you're going to keep bringing
these women home, like Robin.
444
00:21:53,010 --> 00:21:55,110
Who won't like you
because I'm around.
445
00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:02,280
Pretty soon you won't like me
because I'm around.
446
00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:06,190
Nicole. That--
447
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,100
Is that what you think?
448
00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:12,930
You-- You are so way off.
449
00:22:13,130 --> 00:22:16,860
I mean, that is--
That is in the sky.
450
00:22:17,060 --> 00:22:18,220
That is out there.
451
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:22,200
That-- That is on Pluto.
452
00:22:24,090 --> 00:22:25,240
In the back.
453
00:22:27,290 --> 00:22:33,040
Hey, here is the truth.
Right here.
454
00:22:35,290 --> 00:22:37,220
I love you.
455
00:22:40,070 --> 00:22:42,280
Come out of the sky.
Listen to me.
456
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:50,030
Any woman I love
has to love you too.
457
00:22:50,230 --> 00:22:52,040
We're a set.
458
00:22:54,230 --> 00:22:57,010
Does she have
to love Joey too?
459
00:23:02,150 --> 00:23:03,210
No.
460
00:23:03,410 --> 00:23:05,190
[???]
461
00:23:14,190 --> 00:23:16,170
[???]
30804
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof