Original subtitles

Okay, I just got off the phone with the transit police.

It's the Number Nine train.

It's stuck

between the 14th and 18th Street stations,

and there was some kind of a fire.

They put the fire out.

No one was hurt,

but there's still about 35 people stuck down there.

Listen up, everybody.

This is what we're going to do.

Standard subway crisis.

We know what to do, Dave.

I didn't know we had a standard procedure for this.

Oh, sure. We send a reporter to the scene.

He asks the transit police if he can go in the tunnel,

they say no, he says okay,

I go on the air every eight minutes and say...

DEEP VOICE: Still no news on that disabled train.

Business as usual. Let's do it, people.

Actually, Bill... Yeah.

I'd like to try

something a little different this time, okay?

Okay. How about this? Send reporter, transit police,

tunnel no, okay, me on-air every seven minutes.

Blah blah blah.

Let's do it, people.

Well, actually, Bill, seeing as I am the news director,

I think we might try this.

My plan is that we get a reporter in the tunnel

for an eyewitness account

and we be the first station to do it.

BETH: Hey, Dave,

I'm not trying to be a downer,

but they never allow reporters into the tunnel

during an emergency.

Well, that's even better.

That means we will be the only station

with an eyewitness account.

Do you have a contact at the transit commission?

I have the transit commissioner's number here.

Great. Where'd you get that?

Directory assistance. I mean, we have to start somewhere.

Now, Matthew's already down at the scene

trying to get access from there.

Which he won't.

And Lisa, you will be the on-air voice for this story.

Thank you, Dave. Okay, Lisa, try this.

Still no news on that disabled train.

Back with more in eight minutes.

Hi. How can I help you?

Need you to sign for the new desk.

Oh, what new desk?

Okay, great. Just put it right over there.

Uh, Beth, will you look through the file,

see if you can get me anything at all on the--

Uh, Beth? What new desk?

Matthew requisitioned a new desk, so I ordered it.

Beth, what I want you to do is get Matthew on his cell phone

and as soon as you have him,

patch him straight in to me in here.

Isn't this the point

where everyone starts snapping into action?

I have a question.

Yes, Bill?

I don't have a new desk.

Bill, that's not a question.

Relax, Bill. I'm sure that our desks

will be coming later, right, Dave?

Can we talk about this some other time? Oh.

Let's get back to work, okay?

Beth, nobody's moving, are they?

No, they're not, Dave.

Okay. Let's talk about this now.

All right, Catherine?

If Bill gets a new desk, so do I.

Bill's not getting a new desk.

Thanks for letting me down so gently.

Can I have Matthew's old desk?

Joe, you're an electrician. You don't need a desk.

Yeah, but I can get, like, 150, 200 bucks for it.

I got my van downstairs.

You know, I could just...

Okay.

Look, can we just discuss this desk situation tomorrow?

We have a real-life crisis on our hands right now.

Let's not be distracted by a stupid desk!

Oh, baby. She is beautiful.

[♪]

No, no, I understand that you have to put me on hold,

but it's just that I was already on hold

before you put me on hold.

Hi. Hi.

You know what? Can I ask you a question, Dave?

Sure. What?

Now, you didn't give me that subway assignment

because we're going out, did you?

Oh, no, of course not.

Okay.

Thank you.

I gave it to you because you're so darn cute.

I'm just kidding.

Look, if you could just please

let me talk to the transit commissioner

just for five minutes.

No, no, please, don't transfer me

over to the deputy transit commissioner. Ple--

Hello. Hi.

Could you transfer me back

to the transit commissioner's office, please?

Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. Hi. It's me again. Hold on, please.

I just wanted to warn you, Mr. James is here.

Whenever there's a big news crisis,

he likes to hang out, enjoys the chaos.

Fine, fine. He brought one of his golf buddies.

So try to look busy.

I wrote it all down in the note

so I would not interrupt you.

Thank you, Beth.

Well, can I at least leave a message?

All right, it's Dave Nelson from WNYX news radio,

and I'm calling about getting full access to the tunnel

for one of my reporters.

Well-- Dave Nelson. N-E-L-S-O-N.

From WNYX-- Don't mind us, Dave.

Can you hold? Hi. This is where it all happens, Bob.

News director's office, crisis control central.

Hi. I'm Dave Nelson.

No, no, no. Ignore us, Dave.

We're here just to soak up the excitement. Bob?

All right. Hi. Yes, I'm sorry.

Where were we? No. No, no, that's my fault.

I guess I just assumed

you were writing it down.

It's Dave Nelson, WNYX news radio...

Isn't this exciting? Here.

This is how I like to eat them.

Mm!

So, Dave.

What'd you dig up today,

another transit employee whacked out on Mary Jane?

No, sir.

Right now, I'm just trying

to get full tunnel access for Matthew.

Tunnel access. Wow!

Yeah. Is there anything more exciting happening

anywhere in the station?

Well, Lisa's about to go on-air with an update, if you like.

Whoo, let's go check out that action. Come on, Bob.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

It's about getting access to the tunnel.

Well, I do think we have a shot in hell

or I wouldn't have called, would I?

What? Listen, why don't you--

I'm sorry. Can you hang on again?

Look, Bill, like it or not,

Lisa is doing all of the subway updates.

I think it's important

that we have one voice for this story,

but I'll give you the next crisis, I promise,

but for right now, the subject is closed.

Couldn't have said it better myself, chief.

Good.

All right. Hi. What?

Yes. Yes, I am new to this job,

but I don't see as that's relevant.

What? Well, Wisconsin, originally,

but again, I really don't see as that's any of your business.

Can you hold again?

Bill, is there something bothering you?

This new desk of Matthew's...

Bill, this is what we in the business

call bad timing.

Is it, Dave,

or is this part of some shrewd plan?

Yeah, Bill. That's it. Yeah, yeah.

I firebombed the Number Nine train

so I could create a diversion to get Matthew a new desk.

Hello? No, no, that was just a joke.

Yes, yes, it was in poor taste, but I really think if you just--

Well, she hung up. Thanks, Bill.

You see, it's not the desk itself, Dave.

It's what it represents.

And that is? Actually, it is the desk itself.

Dave, Captain What's-his-name on line three.

He says it's urgent.

Bill, Dave really needs to take this call alone.

Hello?

Hello. Hello.

Beth, there's no one on line three.

I know. I just said that to get rid of Bill.

Oh, oh, thank you, Beth.

You're welcome.

Oh...

Oh, Beth, you want a new desk, don't you?

Listen, Dave, I'd like to buy the staff lunch today

out of my own pocket.

Oh, thank you, sir.

That's very generous of you.

Well, it's all about morale, Dave.

What with this subway crisis,

a nice free lunch will make everybody feel better.

You want to phone that in for me, Beth? You got it.

Yeah, but first, get me the transit commissioner.

You got it.

I applaud your misguided enthusiasm, Dave,

but for now, let's focus on something within our grasp...

Like lunch.

And here's Lisa Miller

with more on the derailed subway train. Lisa?

Thank you, Catherine.

Still no news on that disabled train.

Back with more in eight minutes.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Matthew. Did they let you into the tunnel?

No, of course not.

Free lunch today.

Whoo! Whoo!

Oh.

Finally.

What? What's going on, guys?

Nice desk.

Thanks.

Is it...new?

Yeah. It's great, isn't it?

Yes, indeed, this sure is a real nice desk.

You know, it's weird...

Because I already kind of miss my old one, you know?

So now he wants his old desk.

Why don't you talk to Dave? I'm sure you can have both.

[WHISTLING]

Hey, Matthew.

What?

Come on. You're coming with me.

What did the transit commissioner say?

Well, it's impossible to get anything done over the phone,

so I'm going to his office

and state our case in person.

How long has Matthew been lobbying

for a new desk?

Well, there was no lobbying.

He just happened to mention it over dinner one night.

Dave.

They don't really need to know about our dinner.

So, dinner and a desk.

What's next, you're going to get him a pony?

What are you talking about, Bill?

Come on, Matthew. Let's go. Hold on, Dave.

Before you go, you'd better take this.

Right. Go on.

Hello.

Yes, it is. Huh?

Who is this?

Oh, that's my pal, Tony Palmer, at Desk Emporium.

Tony, what's--

Tony-- No, no, Tony, I'm not in the mood to bargain.

Hey, Dave,

there's a man calling from that derailed train.

He's on a cellular phone, and he sounds real.

Tell him to hold.

Got to go, Tony.

Hello. Yes, yes, this is Dave Nelson.

I'm the news director here.

Now, sir, are you really on the train?

Great.

No, no, no, I didn't mean that. Of course it's not great. No.

But, sir, I'd like to put you on the air

if that's all right with you.

All right? Okay. Take this up to Lisa in the booth, please.

Now, sir, I'm just going to have to put you on hold,

and then patch you through and you'll be on the air.

Okay, thank you, sir.

Dave, honey, I've been to Desk Emporium,

and their stuff is crap.

I'll bear that in mind, Catherine.

You do that.

A new development on that stalled Number Nine train

in Chelsea...

Mr. Frank Silveri, a passenger on that train,

has called WNYX on his cellular phone.

Mr. Silveri, what is the mood on the train?

Yeah, this is Tony Palmer at Desk Emporium.

Are you in the mood to bargain?

Hello, Mr. Silveri?

Mr. Silveri? Mr. Silveri? Mr. Silveri...

Great.

We lost him.

Conference table, everybody. Now.

Matthew!

Let the elevator go, Matthew.

You just never know

when one of those is going to come by, you know?

They're so...slow.

Okay, listen...

Everyone seems sort of distracted today by something,

so let's just take a few minutes to get it out

so we can focus on the work at hand.

Who wants to go first? Bill?

Well, actually, I do have a thing or two on my mind,

but I'd much prefer to discuss them

over dinner some night.

Unless Matthew has you all booked up.

Bill, if you'd like to have dinner sometime,

that would be my pleasure.

Actually, I'm very busy this month.

Yeah, Dave? Yes, Beth?

Let me just give you the lowdown, if I could.

I think what's happening is that everybody's getting really upset

because you and Matthew

have become best friends so fast.

Ah! Okay, see? Now we're getting somewhere.

You see, I knew this couldn't be all about desks.

Yes, it is.

Now, I am sorry

if you've all gotten the impression

that I like Matthew more than the rest of you.

That is simply not so.

Well, you don't have to make it sound so implausible.

All right, they pulled the train about 50 feet,

but then it stalled again--

Lisa, not now.

I know I've only been here a couple of weeks

and you don't really know me that well,

but I'm sure as you get to know me,

you'll realize I'm very a fair and just person.

All right, why don't you guys continue to discuss the desk,

and I'll sit in here

and single-handedly broadcast the news?

It's a deal.

Lisa, it's not really about desks.

Yes, it is.

There seems to be some confusion

about the fact that I had dinner with Matthew.

So what? What's the big deal?

Dave and I have had dinner before.

Really?

Well, yeah. Once.

Or twice, maybe.

Two dinners?

This is unbelievable!

Beth, is Sergeant What's-his-name

still on line four for me?

No.

I'll take it in here.

No desk, no dinner...

Land of opportunity, my ass!

Dave, how did you get an appointment

with the transit commissioner?

I didn't.

I'm just going to go down to his office

and figure out the rest from there.

Is this one of those plans

that involves somebody dressing up

in a fake nun outfit?

No.

Oh, because I have one at home.

Good luck.

Oh, thanks, Lisa.

Oh, you two

probably want to be alone right now, so I'll just...

Beth...

Look, I really wish

you hadn't mentioned the dinners.

I know. I'm sorry. It just slipped out.

I know, but those are the kind up slip-ups

we really can't afford.

Look, Dave, I only said two dinners.

That's not suspicious.

All right, all right. Mm. That looks good.

You want some?

No, no, I don't have time.

Just take a little piece.

No, I really don't have time. No.

Come on, you have to eat something. Come on. No.

If that's what it takes to get a new desk,

I don't even want one.

Okay, from now on,

we probably shouldn't feed each other in public.

Lisa.

Dave, could I see you in the can for a minute?

Shrimp, Dave?

I'm...full, sir.

Uh, you think we could make this quick, sir?

I really have to get down to the transit commission.

You want to tell me a little

about the morale problem out there?

Uh, well, everyone's under a certain amount of pressure,

you know, what with this subway story and all.

I think there's a little more to it, isn't there?

All right, I'm going to come clean with you, sir.

No, I will not accept your resignation.

Well, I-- I-- I wasn't going to say that.

I was just going to say

that I made a small error in judgment.

A small error in judgment...

What exactly would that be, Dave?

Would that be Matthew's desk or the dinner with Matthew

or the dinner with Lisa

or the second dinner with Lisa?

Okay, I made three or four small errors in judgment.

Oh, they weren't errors, Dave.

They were decisions, and that's your job.

No, the only error I see is that

you're letting your people push you around

and make you second-guess your decisions.

Of course you're right.

And now you're letting me do it.

You want my advice? Yes.

Well, I'm not going to give it to you.

Listen, Dave...

I'm sure you're going to make the right decision on this.

Sir, if we're done

with whatever this is we're doing,

I really need to get out of this office,

get downtown,

and to talk the transit commissioner

into doing something he flatly refuses to do.

Well, then, what are you doing standing here

watching me eat lunch in the can?

Exactly.

Are you coming, sir?

Oh, I kind of like it in here.

If you see Bob,

tell him to bring me a little soy sauce, will you?

Dave, Dave, what did the transit commissioner say?

He wouldn't talk to me. What happened?

Well, I walked straight into his office and sat down

and said I would not leave

until he gave us full access to the tunnel.

And at what point did the security guards show up?

Oh, about two minutes later.

But before they got there, I grabbed this off his desk.

You stole the subway commissioner's tunnel pass?

I borrowed it. We'll mail it back when we're done. Now go.

Oh, no, this is not going to work. Why?

Well, for one thing, I'm not black.

Let's not get bogged down with details, okay?

Now, Beth, go to the booth,

tell Lisa as soon as Matthew calls in

to patch him-- What are these?

BETH: New desks.

Where did these come from?

Scandinavia. Thank you.

I'm sorry about all that stuff

I've been saying behind your back today.

Good job, Dave.

You really know how to keep those troops happy. I do?

Shh! Dave, I told them you ordered the desks for them.

I mean, that's the direction you were headed in, right?

Mr. James, my office now, please.

Coffee, Dave?

Good job, Dave.

It takes a big man to crumble under pressure so fast.

Mr. James, this is really not how I wanted

to handle this situation.

Why not?

Can't play favorites, right?

Got to treat everybody equally, right?

I mean--

Mr. James, how I run this office is my business.

Now I have a staff that thinks

if they complain enough about anything, I'll cave in,

and that is not true.

Now, I'm going to have to ask you

to return those desks.

Oh, I love the fire in your eyes.

Sir, if you ever come in here and undermine my authority--

Easy, Dave. I don't love it that much.

Anyway, you're going to have to handle this desk crisis

by yourself.

I got to go.

Matthew, what are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be in the tunnel?

Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

I was headed downtown,

and I started thinking about things,

and, oh, I just feel awful about this desk situation.

Forget the desk.

You know, it's not even really about the desks, though.

It's about... I can't take the pressure

of everybody thinking that I'm your favorite or something.

Matthew, right now, you are really not my favorite.

You know what?

I am fine with the fact that your new favorite is Lisa.

No. I'm kidding.

I love her. Lisa's great.

But, uh, I just feel

a lot of resentment from the rest of the staff,

you know, here,

and what I was thinking

is we could have some kind of fake fight

in front of everybody--

What? Not a hitting fight. You know what I mean?

Matthew, I want you to get out of my office.

I want you to go downstairs, get in a cab,

and get to that tunnel,

and get me something I can put on the air.

I just think if we work this out--

I don't care what you think. Just get out of here.

Okay! Why are you yelling at me?

I am not yelling at you,

but in about five seconds, I will be!

LOWERED VOICE: Okay. Good job. I think it worked.

What're you talking about?

I think they bought it.

Now, listen, are you and Lisa having dinner tonight?

Because if not, I'd like to even up that dinner score.

You know what I mean? I'll call you from the tunnel.

Ladies and gentlemen, clean out your desks.

They're going back.

LISA: In just a moment,

we'll be going to WNYX reporter Matthew Brock

with an exclusive eyewitness report

from the subway tunnel.

Great. Now, this just goes to show you

that sometimes, if you just push a little bit harder, you get--

LISA: Matthew, what can you see?

Lisa, there's really not much to see.

Um, it's pitch-black...

Very smoky,

I'm standing in about three feet of water.

I can see some flashlights about 20 yards away,

but that's about it.

Anything more you can tell us?

There's not much more to tell. Um...

Hang on. Hang on.

Another flashlight just came on...

And went off.

That's about it.

Is there anything more you can tell us, Matthew,

anything at all?

Again, Lisa, pitch-black,

very smoky,

three, three-and-a-half feet of water.

Back to you, Lisa.

I didn't say it'd be the most exciting thing in the world.

I just said we'd get it first.

Well, look at it this way.

If something explodes down there,

Matthew will be right on top of it.

Dave, on behalf of the whole staff,

I want to apologize about that desk thing.

I know we got a little silly.

Oh, Bill, that's all right.

Say, I don't want to nitpick,

but do you have any idea

when we're going to get our old desks back?

Oh, you know,

we're still working on tracking those down.

Dave, did you mean for the movers

to take the conference table also?

No, that was another miscommunication on my part.

You know, if you guys need desks,

I know a guy.

I could make a call.

Joe, please.

Think about it.

I'll be down in my van.

Well, I'm sure my wallet will turn up somewhere.

Well, boss, you sure showed them.

Yeah, I guess I did.

Can I get you anything else?

How about a chair?

That's kind of a tough one, boss.

Yeah. Thanks anyway.

Okay, everybody's signed up,

and I think I have it scheduled.

Okay, on Monday, you've got dinner with Bill.

He requested some kind of fancy French cuisine.

Fine.

Okay, on Tuesday, you have dinner with Catherine.

She requested some kind of fancier French cuisine. Fine.

Okay, after dinner with Catherine on Tuesday,

you are going to meet Joe at the Garden

for the Knicks game.

He will pick you up in his van.

Great.

Okay, and then on Wednesday, you're going out for sushi

with some guys from payroll.

Wonderful.

And Thursday, you are taking me to the Korean place

where they let you cook your own meat.

I'm very excited, Dave. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm just exhausted. I can't wait to get into bed.

Okay. Good night.

Dave, just the guy I was looking for.

Care to join us for dinner?

Yeah, it'd be a pleasure.

I'm a vegetarian.

Yeah? Great.

No, Beth, it's been, like, 15 minutes.

Yeah, but... Yeah, but...

Every eight minutes is what they told--

It's just very dark down here,

and I don't even think there's anybody left.

Guys?

Yeah. Oh!

[SPLASH]

Hang on.

[SPLASHING]

Beth?

Okay. Just-- Hey, if you're there--

Ew! Gross!

Help!