Original subtitles

(FRENCH ACCENT) Excuse me, please, sir.

Er... does this bus goes to the Lincoln Center?

-Lincoln Center? -Oui. Yes.

First of all, you're on the wrong bus.

Oh, it's okay, don't worry.

All you have to do is go to 57th Street,

change buses, and get on the number 30 bus, okay?

Don't worry. I'll let you know when it's time.

And then you go up there, and you get a free transfer from the driver.

-Oh, merci. Thank you. -No problem.

Hey, it's pretty tough getting around here at first.

(SOVIET NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYING)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

I WANT TO GO TO ISRAEL

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

(IN RUSSIAN) Toilet paper?

Shoes, I think.

They must be Czech or Polish for such a line.

I don't know.

Size?

Forty-five.

No forty-fives left.

Forty-four or forty-six will do.

We only have thirty-eights.

I'll take three pairs.

Only two to a customer.

Two thirty-eights, then.

Thank you.

(BAND PLAYING BALLAD)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

If you want to go on the New York tour, you'd better behave.

Ivanoff!

You are late.

We're getting ready.

Don't you want to go to New York?

I couldn't help it.

Czech?

The queue was endless.

I wear a forty-two.

These are thirty-eight.

How much?

-Forty roubles. -Forty?

I know you only paid twenty.

All right. I give them to you as a gift.

Why forty, you only paid twenty?

Volodya!

Volodya!

Did you lick his ass good? Was it tasty?

When you arrive in New York, you must understand

that you are representatives of the Nation of the Revolution.

Many people will take perverse pleasure in

tempting you with American decadence.

KGB pig!

They see you as targets for seduction.

Like whores, they want to Share their disease, their immorality.

And stay away from places like the subway.

Er... what?

-Times Square. -Er... Times Square.

-Greenwich Village. -Greenish lllage. Er...

Rockefeller Center.

-What? -Rockefeller Center.

(BEAR GROWLING)

Rockefeller Center.

I'm an artist,

and an artist without freedom is a bird without wings.

Watch where you drive, artist.

I know the same nausea is grabbing at you.

I am content.

Bullshit! You are a gear in a bad machine.

Don't you have a soul?

My soul is standing in line at the food store.

-Gasoline! -Gasoline!

Fill them up.

See how corrupt we are.

America is not corrupt? France?

My soul is dying.

My stomach is growling.

(IN ENGLISH) Oh, okay, okay, okay.

-Let's practise our English. -Okay.

-Okay? -Okay.

Let us practise.

You start.

Hello, mister.

-Misterrr. -Mister.

-Hello, mister. May I buy lamb chop? -Surrre thing, misterrr.

Do you read Ernest Hemingway?

Every fucking day.

Kiss me, beautiful. Beautiful? Beautiful.

I love you.

-Vladimir? -Yes, my dear clown?

-When we come to New York... -Yes.

I'm going to defect.

(IN RUSSIAN) Why do you do this to me?

(IN ENGLISH) I had to tell you that.

You know I am obliged to report you to the authorities.

I want a Mercedes-Benz. I want to piss in the wind.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

I want to see Rio de Janeiro!

I want to see London! I want to see Paris!

Tot ya! Stop it!

Taxi, take me out of here!

(IN RUSSIAN) I could be KGB.

(IN ENGLISH) Then my ass is already frozen.

Please. Be careful, my friend.

I hate my life.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(HORN HONKING)

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

(IN RUSSIAN) Tonight at nine, as usual?

Yes, see you.

Toilet paper?

Toilet paper or chickens, I'm not sure.

Toilet paper?

Top quality.

Thank you. (CHUCKLING)

Viadimir!

VLADIMIR: Leonid? You're back.

How is your music?

! still play for tigers and bears. And you? Are you teaching?

No. I have a new job. I pave streets.

-I protested Afghanistan... - I know. I heard.

They said I was crazy, so they sent me to a mental hospital.

Were you crazy?

If I was really crazy, how would I know it?

We shall talk, Leonid.

Don't ever go crazy if you can help it.

-You! Don't try to break in the line! -Excuse me.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(HUMMING)

-You found it! -Congratulations, Vladimir.

(EVERYBODY LAUGHING)

Why does everyone in this family make such a fuss over toilet paper?

Sashenka,

eating and going to the bathroom are the secrets of happiness.

(CHUCKLING)

I've made some borshch, Viadimir.

I can't. I'm meeting Svetlana.

If you married her, you'd get an apartment of your own.

I'm not ready for another marriage.

I like Svetlana.

Is she the one with the big tits?

You should have been a poet, Grandfather.

Oh, I almost forgot! Pickled mushrooms.

It would make me happy to be a grandmother, Viadimir.

Look at those black people. What a mess.

Beautiful people and great musicians.

Jazz! Jazz!

My favourite jazz musician,

Coleman Hawkins.

-Hawkins? -Known as "The Hawk".

-Hawk. -Yes, yes.

Do you know Duke Ellington?

Duke! Yes!

There's a great tune: "Take the 'A' Train".

(VOCALISES TUNE)

(BOTH VOCALISING TOGETHER)

Now we'll be arrested for sure.

SVETLANA: Before we marry, you should join the Party.

It would help us get a good apartment.

You know I'm not a joiner.

It's a bit humiliating, always borrowing Anatoly's place.

That's what friends are for.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Get away, you snoop.

I am going to report you to the police.

Good evening.

(IN ENGLISH) May I kiss your lamb chops, beautiful?

Okay, mister.

(IN RUSSIAN) Good night.

(IN RUSSIAN) I have something for you.

Oh, what?

(LAUGHING)

You certainly know how to get to a girl's heart.

It's for your soft, rosy bottom, not your heart.

Will you miss me in America?

Yes.

You know, I am jealous of you.

Why?

I wish I could see America.

Yes, I am lucky.

I'd like to see it with my own eyes.

The decadence...

the crime, the poverty...

The inflation.

You know what I would like from America?

What?

Blue jeans, my darling.

Jordache.

Sergio Valente.

And anything from Calvin Klein.

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

(LAUGHING) Volodya!

Too much vodka.

Hush, my Don Juan, hush.

There are whores in Gorky Park who have carved my name on trees.

(NEWSREADER SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Horseshit! You smiling bastards.

Good morning, Grandfather.

Good morning, Viadimir.

Next, they'll tell us the crops are good this year.

The agricultural news is excellent this morning.

(LAUGHING)

Lies, tell us more lies.

You shouldn't talk that way, Father.

You have no respect for position.

Let them come and arrest me.

Let them take me away like Leonid, the neighbour's boy.

Leonid is stupid. He sympathised with the Afghans.

Trotsky was right.

They have dumped shit on the revolution, from head to toe.

You'll land us all in prison.

They're not looking for you. You're not a dissident.

You're not Sakharov or Shcharansky.

Our leaders are only good for parades.

And they don't have any balls.

I've never seen the balls of our leaders.

Oh, you'll see them. In the next revolution.

They'll hang the balls of our leaders on the walls of a museum.

(LAUGHING) Volodya!

Good morning, Vladimir Ivanoff.

I have done nothing.

Perhaps.

Nikolai Ivanoff is your grandfather?

Of course.

Your neighbours say he yells anti-Soviet slogans out of the window.

He's an old man.

Makes rude gestures at people doing their socialist duties.

He is a comedian. He likes mischief.

Perhaps he is senile, and should go to a mental hospital.

He is a war hero.

Please, I will talk to him.

It might be wiser for you not to use the apartment

of your friend, Anatoly Cherkasov, for your sexual encounters.

I have done nothing wrong.

Good. It might go well for your grandfather,

if you kept your eyes on Cherkasov.

He is only a clown.

Yes,

but perhaps he wants to clown his way out of the Soviet Union.

Goodbye, Viadimir Ivanoff.

Also, those fucking shoes are killing me.

(IN ENGLISH) Goodbye!

Morning.

(SAXOPHONE PLAYING "TAKE THE 'A' TRAIN")

(TRUMPETING)

(DOORS CLOSING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(EXCITED CHATTERING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(HORN HONKING)

TOLYA: Vladimir, one day I'll perform on Broadway,

and it will be a big sign:

"Anatoly Cherkasov and Barbra Streisand."

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN) America is magnificent.

They say it is customary to take towels.

Look, a giant prophylactic. It fits me.

(IN ENGLISH) Can you please speak English?

You promised. I must practise, you know?

-Okay! Okay, mister. Okay. -Thank you very much.

(IN RUSSIAN) This television is a piece of crap, just like in Russia.

(IN ENGLISH) This... This... My father.

My father will love this.

This, look, must be smooth like velvet.

(SNIFFING)

-Smell it. Smell it. -Can you stop thinking about your ass?

Can you think about your soul for a second?

No, don't! Don't play game with me, okay, pal?

Do you wanna know why I am lucky to share room with you, poludurak?

Because they want me to spy on you.

I shit on them!

-(IN RUSSIAN) What? What is this? (THROBBING)

Maybe this decadence attempt to lure us.

Look, look.

TOLYA: Then they have succeeded.

(LAUGHING)

-What a country, huh? -What a country.

(PIANO PLAYING "COCKTAILS FOR TWO")

(CHATTERING)

I really do want to go to Leningrad, though.

Okay.

Tell me, do you like Barbra Streisand?

Yeah, she's wonderful.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Waiter, I'll have a Black Russian, please.

-Is something the matter? -No, no, I am happy here be.

-Oh, your English is excellent. -So is your.

0 0.

Veronica Cohen.

I teach Marxism at Columbia University.

Vladimir Ivanoff. I am musician with circus.

Yes, I know.

-Your Black Russian. -Thank you very much.

You don't look like a Marxist.

I'm not. I'm a humanist.

What does a Marxist look like, anyway?

Usually has beard, moustache.

-The women, too? -In Russia, especially women.

Excuse me. I am happy to talk to you, but I must now to make toilet.

-Oh. -Thank you.

-Do svidaniya. -Do svidaniya.

What about your... your... your President?

Huh? He was an actor before, just like us, no?

-That's true. -What about credibility with him?

Well, er...

I know what I'll do.

Tomorrow, during the opening parade, in my bicycle routine, I'll do it.

I will defect.

Good. They grab you, throw you right to bear.

Now, tomorrow is day.

Think of your family, huh?

Tomorrow is...

(IN RUSSIAN) Would you like to watch me take a piss, comrades?

(UNZIPPING)

(URINATING)

Soon we'll be back in Moscow.

(FANFARE PLAYING)

(LIVELY CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(APPLAUSE)

("WHEE!" SOUND)

(BIRDS TWEETING)

(IN ENGLISH) Ladies and gentlemen, good day.

And here be Soviet circus!

I hope it ain't as bad as when we had them Chinese acrobats.

Hell, them Italians come in here one time,

stole half the store.

They weren't Italians, they were Romanians.

I thought they said they was from Rome.

Hey, Lucia!

See the game last night?

Yeah, Magic Johnson was the best guard I ever saw.

What a pair of hands, huh? Ciao!

Buona giorna, Lucia, darling.

-What a piece of lasagne. -Mm-hmm.

(IN RUSSIAN) You have only 30 minutes to shop in Bloomingdale's.

Then we go to the airport.

(EXCITED CHATTERING)

(IN ENGLISH) My God!

What decadence!

Er... Ex... Excuse me.

You must be Russian.

Yes, yes, I am with the circus.

Yeah, yeah, I know. We heard that you guys were coming today.

And, let me tell you something,

I wish for peace among all nations.

I... I am looking for blue jeans.

We had a Nuclear Freeze demonstration this year, and I march.

"Make love, not war," we say.

Make love, for sure.

... I, er... look for blue jeans.

Blue jeans, right. Er... Designer jeans?

Um... er... Jordache, Calvin Klein?

-Calvin Klein. -Calvin Klein! Okay.

You go straight back, huh? To Menswear, like where that pole is.

I am... I am Russian, not Pole.

Yeah, I know. The... hmm.

Well, anyway, you go straight, okay?

And, er... then you take a left.

You can't miss the Denim Den.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

I hope you have a nice stay in New York.

I go... I go back to Moscow today.

Oh. Well, goodbye.

-Goodbye. -Ciao.

I will do it here.

Everyone watches here.

I don't give a shit.

I swear, I'll do it.

Do it! Go! Do!

Leave me alone. Go, do it.

Three items to a dressing room.

Gentlemen, would you please button your flies.

What are you do...? No women in the dressing room!

Women don't belong in the dressing room!

They don't stay in the dressing rooms!

They can't be here. What do you mean...

I don't understand.

Look, you're in America, speak English.

Are you feeling well, Anatoly?

You are pale and sweating.

Oh, it's nothing. Just slight cold.

(FAINT COUGHING)

You know, different climate.

Soon, you will be back in Moscow, where the air is always clear.

-I can't do it. -Good.

I am a bird without wings.

All right.

I'm sorry, my friend.

Hey. (CHUCKLING)

(IN RUSSIAN) Sorry.

What are you guys doing?

Only one customer to a cubicle. This ain't Russia, you know.

Excuse me, sir.

Fags everywhere.

-Your wife will love Forbidden Fruit. -Thank you.

-You're welcome. -Thank you very much.

(IN RUSSIAN) Time to go. Put Cherkasov and the others on the bus.

(IN ENGLISH) I would like to see some Forbidden Fruit.

Great. All right, I'll see you tonight.

Great. Yeah. Talk to you later.

Fabulous choice, sir.

(CLUCKING)

Are you all right, sir?

Excuse me, sir. Are you all right?

Yes.

I suddenly... I feel dizzy.

Let's get you some H20.

-Got a dizzy Russian on my hands. -Great! Take him home for supper.

Do they have a large gay community in Russia?

Nah, what do I know? I'm not Russian.

Oh, hi.

SECURITY GUARD: Hey!

Men's room is downstairs, to the left as you get off the escalator.

This ain't no health club.

- I defect. -Say what?

Don't be grabbing on the uniform.

I have to supply the threads myself, man.

I defected.

You're not gonna do that here. I told you where the men's room was.

Maybe I better take him.

I am Russian.

- I defect. -You're about ready to get Maced.

Oh, my God! Don't you get it? He's defecting!

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Code 2. We got a defection going on. Style Boutique. Officer 14 on the scene.

Call the damn police!

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Stoy!

Stoy!

(SCREAMING)

You son of a bitch!

Get out of here!

Bye. Thank you.

Ssh!

Please, help me.

-Are you the one defecting? -Yes, I in danger, KGB. Please.

I think it's safe.

Miss? I know the Russian is behind the counter.

Please give him my card.

My name is Orlando Ramirez. I'm a lawyer.

I specialise in immigration.

You've got a lawyer.

Thank you.

Are you...

enjoying yourself?

-What? -I mean...

Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

(SIREN)

Come on, get up. Get up. Stay here. Stay right here.

This is Officer 14.

I have a defector with me between Estée Lauder and Pierre Cardin.

Officer, you must to help me. I want political asylum.

I'm a security officer, I'm not a policeman.

-Officer 147? -They will send me to mental hospital.

-Who are these dudes? -KGB. They will kill me.

-All right, hold it. -We are Soviet officials.

Yeah, well, keep your hands off the man.

Don't threaten me!

I got Mace, I got handcuffs, and, if that don't dissuade you,

I got a six-inch razor that will end this entire discussion.

Now, you stay put till the proper authorities get here.

(IN RUSSIAN) Call the embassy!

I want to keep my comrade from making a big mistake.

I told you to back off!

Now, you're in my jurisdiction, which runs from Style Boutique

through Denim Den, right up to Personal Fragrances.

So keep your hands off the man!

-What's going on here, Mr Simpson? - I don't know.

-Don't blame me. I was on the floor. -If you don't know, who knows?

I think it's some Russian running around here,

talking about defection.

We don't like that kind of thing here at Bloomingdale's.

-I know, ma'am. Maybe we... -And it's up to you to keep order.

-Yes, ma'am. -Okay.

(IN RUSSIAN) Everybody on the bus. Everybody back on the bus.

In the name of the Soviet Union, I protest!

I believe this Soviet citizen has been drugged.

-I am not drugged. -Drugged!

He's being held against his will.

Oh, ain't nobody been smoking no shit round here.

Now, you back off. I've had it with you guys today.

Back off!

I'm Kaity Tong at Bloomingdale's,

where a dramatic chapter in Soviet-American relations

is being played out.

Things are quite chaotic here right now, as you can see,

but this is what we know so far.

Apparently, a member of the Russian circus troupe

that has been performing in New York

has decided to defect in, of all places, Bloomie's.

(IN RUSSIAN) Viadimir, I trusted you.

Now you do this to your family, and to me.

You know what my life will be now?

Volodya, have mercy.

(SOBBING) You are a Russian.

Please, I will give you everything I own.

My sweet Volodnishka, please.

You will never see your parents or your sister. Your grandfather...

never.

(IN ENGLISH) I defect.

(CHEERING)

This is New York City. A man can do whatever he wants.

-CROWD: Yeah! -(APPLAUSE)

KAITY TONG: The FBI has just arrived on the scene.

-Gentlemen, please... -Not now, please.

We have a few questions. How do you plan to handle this?

Please, excuse me. Let us through. Let me through.

I'm Agent Ross with the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Frank Williams, Justice Department.

ROSS: Mr Ivanoff, we'd like to speak to you.

POLICEMAN: Vladimir Ivanoff is a defector.

And this guy, I don't know who the hell he is.

KGB, whatever.

(ALL TALKING AT ONCE)

That's it.

-Take a seat, please. -Excuse us.

Ivanoff, is it? What is it exactly that you protest?

This man cannot be permitted to defect.

Well, it seems to me he's already defected.

Now, Mr Ivanoff, can you tell us why you're defecting?

-Freedom. -Political freedom or artistic?

Freedom.

Right, okay, um...

Now, for now, consider yourself an applicant

for political asylum in the United States.

Now, that's a matter for Immigration.

-Hold it. Hold it, fella. -Vladimir! Viadimir!

You can still come home, Vladimir Ivanoff.

I defect.

Let us pass. Excuse us.

(IN RUSSIAN) This means Siberia, for sure.

Now, do you have any family or relatives in the United States?

-Any friends? -No.

Sir! Sir!

It's $147.50 for the robe,

and $30 for the windbreaker.

-(SWEARING IN RUSSIAN) -Bitch.

-Do you know anyone here, sir? -Only you.

And this good black man, and shopping girl.

-Where the hell's he gonna stay? -Man can stay with me if he wants.

I can stay your home?

I'm Security Officer Witherspoon,

I understand how the brother feels.

-I'm a refugee myself, from Alabama. -(LAUGHTER)

CAMERAMAN: Mr Ivanoff!

-Hold it! -Wait a minute!

TOLYA!

(IN RUSSIAN) TOLYA, I did it.

I'm free like a bird.

(CONTINUES SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

What are you saying, brother?

Ya... Yas... Ya... As...

I say goodbye to my saxophone.

Say what?

Mr Ivanoff, could you please answer me a few questions?

Did I hear you say goodbye to your saxophone?

[...um...

Yeah, you see, he left his saxophone on the bus.

I think that's what he's saying.

And also, I saw you waving goodbye to your friends.

You are very sad, obviously.

No, I am happy!

Is nice to be here.

Yeah, he's going to stay here.

Thank you. This is Kaity Tong...

(INAUDIBLE)

I think he knows you're a foreigner, man.

He's jivin' on you.

Now the first thing you gotta know how to do is to look mean.

You understand what I'm saying, Vladimir?

Mean.

Is that your mean look?

Look crazy. Like this.

Crazy.

Crazy motherfucker.

(INAUDIBLE)

VLADIMIR: Many different people here, but not many white people.

LIONEL: Yeah, you noticed, huh?

This is what is known as a ghetto, man.

We talk it with a capital "G".

I like it. It is nice.

And the music, it's so free. It is!

-Must be pretty bad in Russia. -Oh, is not human.

-But there are many beautiful people. -Sounds like Alabama.

I read about slavery.

Yeah, well, slavery, at least the work was steady.

Sounds like Russia.

-I make joke. -(BOTH LAUGHING)

That's okay! I feel to make joke in other language is, er... good.

Okay. Okay.

KAITY TONG: Apparently, a member of the Russian circus troupe

that has been performing in New York

has decided to defect in, of all places, Bloomie's.

-That's him! -Is that the little man?

Lionel! Get in here. You're on TV, sweetheart.

-You look handsome. -C'mon, honey.

-GRANDPA: It's all lies. -MOTHER: Oh, hush, Grandpa.

LIONEL: Whoa, you look good, Viadimir.

Now you go running out the store.

We can watch it it again on the eleven o'clock news.

Mama, this is Vladimir.

-Oh, you poor little man. -This is my stepfather, Fletcher.

This is my bucket-headed sister, Leanne.

This is my grandfather. You gotta watch out for his ass.

I ain't never met a Russian before.

-They all white? -Grandpa!

You defected.

Yes. You are kind share your home with me.

Hope you didn't come to find a job.

I haven't had a job in eight years now.

Welcome to the USA.

Honey, you don't look so well.

Lionel, let's sit him down. You don't look too well. You look kinda peaky.

You can just lay down right here. Lionel, get his feet up, honey.

Get his feet up. Right here.

Gotta make him comfortable here.

Lionel, Lionel, man in store give me card.

"Orlando Ramirez." Sounds like a Cuban ambulance chaser to me.

Yeah, well, get his fucking feet off my couch.

Oh, hush, Grandpa!

Good night, my American family.

(BREATHING HEAVILY) Thank you.

(TYPING)

I'm going to help you with everything, Mr Ivanoff. Everything. Always.

It's very important for you to know

that you have a friend in Orlando Ramirez.

-Thank you. -You don't have to thank me.

You have to pay me.

That's the way capitalism works, my friend.

One hand helps the other.

I have one hundred twenty dollars,

and one pair blue jeans.

My fee for helping you with all the immigration matters

is fairly cut and dry.

-May I call you Vladimir? -Of course.

-Orlando. -Orlando. That is a musical name.

My father was called Orlando.

He rolled the finest cigars in Havana.

"Orlando el Rey," they called him.

"Orlando the King."

Then Castro came along, and my father was on his ass.

Castro is a great man.

Castro is a Cuban bullshit artist,

who has been taken in by Russian bullshit artists.

I'm not political.

Well, we had to get our asses out of Cuba.

-You mean defect? -Oh, no.

We took a life raft to Miami Beach, Florida.

The only way to fly, let me tell you.

It was almost 20 years ago.

WOMAN: I told you about eggs and onions.

MAN: / wanna go shopping later, all right?

I wanna get something for the kids.

-We don't have any kids. -Jack's kids.

-Needs some scuba gear for the kids. -All right.

MAN: Some vacation. They said this place was sunny.

You call this sun? This isn't sun.

Get better sun on our roof. I want sun!

We're not wasting ten bucks on that lotion.

-Er... Dave? -What?

There's the boy.

Ask him for a couple of rum and Cokes and some beach towels.

Chico!

Gimme, er... two Cuba Libres and a couple of beach towels.

Here, here, here. Come on, make it snappy.

Talking to them is like talking to a wall.

(CHUCKLING)

Well, here I am.

It hasn't been easy,

but you can do anything in this country if you want... Hey!

Where are you going?

You passed Chambers Street twice already.

Oh, I am very sorry, sir.

I think Chambers Street here, but

Chambers is over there.

ORLANDO: Well drive a cab in Korea, maricén,

if you don't know one street from the other.

(DRIVER SPEAKING KOREAN)

IMMIGRATION OFFICER: Now, Mr Ivanoff, this is only stage one.

You will be interviewed again,

and, at that time, we will determine your status.

Up till then, you'll need a work permit.

Make sure the man understands all of this, Mr R.

-Of course. -I understand.

When for next interview?

In one month, we'll give you an advisory opinion

as to whether asylum should be granted.

-Don't worry, you'll get it. -Then, in one year,

-you can petition for citizenship. -I must wait for one year?

Do you know how many people want to get in this country?

Vietnamese, Korean, Salvadorians.

Those Iranians, Mexicans, Bolivians, your Greeks, your Turkish.

Have mercy. So many people.

I have mercy, but I can't carry the work home.

I'm just like a TV set.

Turn me on at eight, turn me off at four.

Look here, I have been waiting two hours. Who is your boss?

His name is Ronald Reagan! Now sit the fuck down, Mr Baktar!

(ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE)

Orlando, out!

Mr Baktar, your impatience is wearing me down.

I have been here two days waiting to see the Immigration Office.

(SALSA BAND PLAYING)

(APPLAUSE)

-Saluti. -Na zdorovie.

Hey, you guys gonna dance?

... I rest now, Lionel.

He is good boy, Lionel.

Oh, so-so.

No, he's nice, but don't call him "boy".

Why not?

Black men don't like to be called "boy".

-They take it as an insult. -Okay.

That was a brave thing you did yesterday.

Oh, thank you.

For first time, I act from here, not from here.

-You are a good girl? -Yes, good girl. You're a good boy?

I would like to know you.

Okay,

I'm, er... I'm Italian. From Italy. From the Abruzzi.

It's a little village called Casoli.

Everybody I meet, from somewhere else.

Is America.

-Would you like to dance? -Okay.

Come on.

(SLOW DANCE NUMBER PLAYING)

Why you came America?

When my father died six years ago, he left us seven children.

So, we were so poor, you know?

There wasn't much opportunity for a girl.

Or for a boy, for that matter.

So, I, um... I guess I was the lucky one,

'cause, um... my uncle, I have an Uncle Sal who lives here,

and he has a funeral parlour. So he, er...

-He sponsored me. -You speak very well.

Oh, no! In a few months, I'm going to become a citizen.

-And then watch me take off. -Take off?

No, no, I mean I want to work in media.

In TV? Television?

-Oh! -Yes, I love sportscasting.

Or news... news casting, you know?

Um... remember yesterday, this girl, er... Kaity Tong?

At Bloomingdale's. You know, the girl?

-Oh. (BOTH LAUGHING)

Yeah, I think she's great. You know, she's fantastic.

-I am being followed. -Where?

VLADIMIR; That man.

-He's following me. -ORLANDO: Oh, that's FBI.

They watch you for a couple of weeks, make sure you're not a spy.

Amigo!

Also to keep the KGB from kidnapping you, for your own protection.

-Relax, amigo. -Thank you.

-Is that a new dance from Russia? -Excuse me for my rudeness.

Thank you, sir. Thank you for protection.

You're welcome. That's what we're here for, sir.

-Okay. -Have a good time.

(THEME TUNE PLAYING)

(APPLAUSE)

All this week we've been working on the stomach. Here's part three.

Time to work on the stomach again.

We're gonna begin with abdominal warm-ups, okay?

Remember how to do this one? You inhale and keep it nice and firm.

First we do lower back-drops.

-Good morning, Vlad. How you doing? -Good. I feel fine.

I wish to be useful.

How may I to help?

You can do the shopping. I have an appointment

at the Human Resources Administration this morning.

The unemployment office.

I think Lucia's got something goin' for you, Vlad.

She got an ass on her.

I like, last night, musicians much.

Excellent saxophones.

Hey, you ever hear of the Bird?

-The great Charlie Parker? -Yeah, he was a wailing ass.

That boy could blow.

Excuse me, Grandpa, why you call Charlie Parker "boy"?

What do you want me to call him? "Rhinoceros"?

-How's the coffee coming, Mama? -We're out of coffee.

Well, we'd have some coffee if you got off your butt once a week.

Don't talk to me like that, woman.

You know I work when I can find something.

Well, you could've delivered those telephone books.

Bullshit! Deliver books! I got a college education.

Ha! We know you got your pride. We know you got college education.

-You told us a million times! -Life with the Witherspoons. Ding dong!

You're just like your mother. Just like your mother.

You just leave my mother out of this.

She's more of a man than you'll ever be.

I go shopping. I must to pay. Please.

Coffee?

Aisle 2.

Coffee line, please?

Aisle 2. No line, though.

"Taster's Choice...

"Decaffeinated...

"Maxwell House, El Pico...

"Chock full o'Nuts, Espresso...

"Cappuccino, Café Francais...

"Sanka, Folger's...

"Café Caribe."

Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!

Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!

-Coffee! -(CLATTERING)

Mr Ivanoff, don't worry.

You're merely suffering some hyperventilation.

Don't be alarmed. You are among friends.

You should have seen yours truly when I first came from Bombay.

I was very, very nervous.

Look at these girls. They know, too.

I am feeling better.

You see, you're something of a celebrity...

-Is he all right? -What do you want?

I'm his lawyer, Orlando Ramirez.

He's all right.

Everybody was worried about you, Vladimir.

My wife thought you'd been kidnapped by the KGB.

I'm sorry.

I have wonderful news for you.

I've been making some calls to find you a job.

I take it.

-Nothing fancy, my friend. -I take it.

(POLKA PLAYING)

Tell me, Lev,

when you speak English, does your mouth hurt?

My mouth is fine. My brain what hurts.

Oh, when I speak English, my lips and my tongue hurt.

I wish they would stop playing this music.

I wish only to play music.

-You'll get your chance. -So will you.

Do you know how difficult it is to get a job

in celestial mechanics and astrophysics?

Boy, you speak English well.

Well, in a couple of minutes, we will take a break, all right?

Okay. Maybe we pick up cheeseburger, side of fries, and Caca-Cola.

Okay, all right.

VLADIMIR: "Dearest parents, dear Sasha, and beloved Grandfather,

"I don't know if you'll ever receive this letter,

"but I will write to you every week.

"I am sorry to cause you pain, but I acted out of real need.

"America is strange and wonderful.

"I live with a nice black family.

"My Cuban lawyer help me also to find sales job."

Okay, mister. Aqui, amigo. Bueno buy.

Two for dollar, huh? Okay, mister!

"I am learning to read and write English in night school.

"Also, I have nice Italian girl who likes American sports.”

LUCIA: Johnson at bat for the Blue Jays. Rawley sets.

Here's the pitch. Ground ball to third!

Nettles scoops it up, throws to Randolph.

Randolph to first!

Double play! Wow! God! Madonna mia, what a play!

I don't believe this! It's incredible.

What does he need that Madison Avenue preppy junk for?

Now here's something, Vlad, that'll make your feet sing.

-They're very popular. -What are you talk...?

Madison Avenue's where the money is being made.

-Can I see those kinda blue jobs? -Listen, listen.

People make judgement from the shoes.

LIONEL: What do you know, girl? You're a foreigner.

LUCIA: Lionel, I may remind you that,

while your ancestors were beating drums in Africa

and chasing animals barefoot,

my people were giving the world Michelangelo.

-We invented style. -You ever been to Little Italy?

All I see is plastic fruit and fat guys in tiny hats.

-SALESMAN: Here we go. -I like those, please.

Those? What are you talking...? Keep looking. Keep looking.

No, no, I take those.

"Yesterday, I bought my first pair of American shoes.

"They were made in Italy.”

Mustard, huh? You got it.

"Today, I opened my own restaurant,

"and I'm starting to make big bucks.

"I miss you very much. Love, Vol ya."”

The best, huh? Excuse me.

FBI?

FBI? No.

KGB?

(LAUGHING) KGB! No.

Oh.

G-A-Y.

Gay?

Oh, no. No. Oh, no, er...

Sorry. You have a nice face,

and I thought we had a moment back there.

Um... I hope it didn't upset you.

No. It's okay, mister. Thank you. Good luck.

"Dear TOLYA, I have a new saxophone,

"but I still don't have work as a musician.

"I have many other jobs, though.”

That is two Big Macs, one Quarter Pounder with cheese,

six pieces Chicken McNuggets, two boxes Ronald McDonald cookies,

one order McFries, two chocolate milk shakes.

Is that to go?

No, I eat it here.

Come back McSoon.

"I am now driving a taxi part-time."

-(VIDEO GAME BEEPING) -Sunday, I got date with Lucia.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

I knew there was something going on between you and her.

No, unfortunately nothing going on.

I'm still virgin in New York City, you know.

LIONEL: No crime in sex, Vlad. You're too shy.

-She digs you, man. I know she does. -You think so?

You're probably the only man in New York who doesn't have herpes.

VLADIMIR: "I have met some members of Russian community."

(SINGING IN RUSSIAN)

"Some of them are painters, sculptors, writers, photographers,

"and they all have made adjustments to life in America.

"But, to tell you the truth, dear TOLYA,

"they still despair, and so do I.

"And, dear friend, I wish you joy for all your days.

"Kiss the bears and the ponies,

"and, perhaps, some day, I will see you again. Vol ya."

I like it.

It's, er... very nice.

Not much furniture. What else do you need?

You bought the blender we had on sale, huh?

-Yeah, wonderful blender. -What do you make with it?

Nothing. I don't blend anything.

You miss Russia, don't you?

Sure. Sometime. You want some vodka?

-Yeah, I'd love some. -Okay, okay.

-Do you like music? -Oh!

- I love also music. -Okay.

That's a nice tape deck.

Oh, I buy it from friend of Lionel's from back of truck. A ghetto blaster.

It's a good thing you found Lionel in your life, huh?

This tape, I... I bring from Russia.

It is great Wild Bill Hawthorn, black saxophonist.

I tape from Radio Free Europe.

-(JAZZ PIANO PLAYING) -It's nice, the music.

Thank you.

(SAXOPHONE STARTS PLAYING)

-Na zdorovie. -Saluti.

(COUGHING)

You like to dance?

Er...

-Why not? -Okay.

You miss Italy?

No, I don't miss Italy at all.

I mean, I miss my family, you know?

My brothers, my sisters.

But, when I make it very big, I'm going to bring them all here.

They're gonna love it.

Now, my mother, you know, she's a very nice lady,

but she's into that black dress for life, so she'd better stay there.

When I go back to Brooklyn,

and the stores, the Russian stores,

the smells remind me of home,

and I know I can't go back, but at least you can go back.

No, I don't want to go back.

I don't know. I want to stay here. I'm very good here.

-You smell very good. -Yeah?

Nah. It's Charlie.

-No, is not perfume. -Yes, it is.

Is you.

I really like you.

Likewise.

But I am, um...

I'm...

-You have boyfriend? -No, don't talk about it.

I'm a free woman. I... I don't like to get involved.

Me too.

What I mean is that...

if I stay here with you tonight,

I don't want you to think anything special about it.

You know, to, um...

to exaggerate what it is.

-Do you understand? -Yes.

I assure you as former citizen of Soviet Socialist Republic,

I make no moral thought about sex.

I respect your new life.

Thanks.

But I do desire you in a big way.

Likewise.

(WAYLON JENNINGS: "PEOPLE UP IN TEXAS")

3 The lifestyle up in Texas

3 Is just go on out and live for all it's worth

4 Where the men are all men

3 And the ladies there are born with ways to please

3 And the people up in Texas

3 Think that the rest of the world is overseas &

| take FDR Drive, so to beat the traffic, okay?

Whatever you say. This here's my first trip to NYC.

Oh, well, you relax, sir. There's Perrier in the side bar.

TV is working.

At this time of day, I think General Hospital is on.

-What time is it, by the way? -Twelve o'clock in five minutes, sir.

I had my damn watch stole out the airport last night.

Really? That's a bitch.

Yeah, went into the washroom,

I took my Rollie off, set her on the basin,

stepped back to shake the dew off my lily,

turned around, and she was gone like that.

Well, sir, if you would like to check this out.

-What's that? -It's a digital. It's Japanese,

but touch gives you heartbeat and body temperature, huh?

-What part of Texas are you from, son? -The East Village, sir. Seventh Street.

You sound further away than that.

I also have fountain pen with alarm clock built in. Check this out.

You've got your hand on the bucket

and you're headed towards the well, boy.

I also sell vitamins, sir. Look at this.

"True Nature." It's a six-pack of health.

It's great for your sex life.

Give you the dick of death, huh?

Hell, I'd like to trade me some flat for some round.

Pluck one of them long-stemmed American beauties.

A little shaky puddin'. But you get me to my hotel on time, boy.

Just relax, sir. I give you great limo.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(CHATTERING)

Taxi!

Oh, jeez! Oh, it's raining again!

- I liked E.T. better. -Really?

- I think it was decadent. - I think it was fun.

It was sexy.

It was childish.

Had no point of view, no moral content.

On the Lucia Lombardo scale of one to ten,

I give it a seven.

What, now you're reviewing film for the masses?

No, but it's a fantasy.

You want fantasy, let's go to my place.

No, I can't. I can't go to your place

because I have to study. I have a class tomorrow.

All she does is go to classes.

-Now, don't you get possessive, okay? -Okay.

Look, I think I'm gonna go back in and see the movie.

I mean, I understand your liberation,

but what are you gonna do with all these classes?

I can do anything. Is America.

Let me know if you find something for me, honey.

You make a mountain out of mothballs.

All I said is "let's go to my place”.

-Yeah, sure, because you want sex. -Yeah, why not? Sex is good for you.

Look, I'll see you sex fiends later.

-See you. -Okay, bye.

LIONEL: Arrivederci.

Hey, Luci...

No, just let go.

-(SIGHING) God. -I'm sorry.

-You're not my boss. -You're right.

This can only work if we are equal, okay?

I agree.

If all Russians could eat Mu Shu Pork, they would not be afraid of the Chinese.

Tell me, are all the Russians as funny as you?

No.

Oh, you have beautiful lamb chops. Did anyone ever tell you that?

Yes.

Are you happy all the time, huh?

You know, sometimes, in the middle of the night,

I sit up straight and wonder where I am.

In Russia, you do that all day long.

You want to help me study? Okay? Okay.

What is date of Declaration of Independence?

July 4, one-seven-seven-six.

What did the Declaration of Independence say?

That, um... all men are created equal.

-Mm-hmm. -And that they are given

-certain rights inahlienable. -Inalienable.

-inahlienable. -Inalienable.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

-Stop it, now! -What?

-Help me study. -Okay.

-Just... -All right.

-Be cool. -Mmm.

What is the Bill of Rights?

-The Bill of Rights... -Mmm.

...is the first ten amendments of the Constitution.

Mm-hmm.

Freedom of religion, of speech.

Freedom of, er...

peaceful assembly.

-Freedom of the press. -Mm-hmm.

Freedom of holding meetings.

And freedom of...

SexXx.

The right to arm bears.

Unreasonable search.

(QUIET CHATTERING)

Vlad, this is Lucia's Uncle Sal.

-Lucia told me about you. -Likewise.

This is my mama and my wife.

How do you do, Mother?

That's my wife. This is my mama.

(GAVEL BANGING)

BAILIFF: All rise for the Honourable Judge Louise R Reynolds.

JUDGE: You may sit.

Ladies and gentlemen, good morning.

Today, you will become citizens of the United States of America.

No longer are you an Englishman, Italian, or Pole, or whatever.

Neither will you be a hyphenated American.

From this day, you are no longer a subject of a government,

but an integral part of the government. A free man.

May you find, in this nation,

the fulfilment of your dreams of peace and security,

and may America, in turn, never find you wanting

in your new proud role of citizen of the United States.

Will the petitioners please rise?

Now, let us take the oath of allegiance.

"I hereby declare, on oath..."

ALL: "I hereby declare, on oath..."

JUDGE: "That I absolutely and entirely renounce..."

ALL: "That I absolutely and entirely renounce..."

JUDGE: "All allegiance and fidelity..."

ALL: "All allegiance and fidelity..."

JUDGE: "To any foreign prince or potentate..."

ALL: "To any foreign prince or potentate..."

JUDGE: "That I will support and defend the Constitution and laws..."

ALL: "That I will support and defend the Constitution and laws..."

JUDGE: "Of the United States of America..."

ALL: "Of the United States of America..."

JUDGE: "Against all enemies."

ALL: "Against all enemies."

JUDGE: "I take this obligation freely..."

ALL: "I take this obligation freely..."

JUDGE: "Without any mental reservation..."

ALL: "Without any mental reservation..."

JUDGE: "Or purpose of evasion..."

ALL: "Or purpose of evasion..."

JUDGE: "So help me God."

ALL: "So help me God."

JUDGE: Congratulations, citizens.

(CHEERING)

A wonderful day, I think.

Mmm. Yeah.

-You have period today? -No, why?

-You're so serious. -It was an emotional day, you know?

I'm just tired.

Goddamn it!

What? What?

I'm sorry. I can't help myself.

-Nightcap? -No.

Okay.

I mean, what's the matter? What's the matter?

You don't like a man being crazy for your sweet popki?

-Not with my Uncle Sal around. -Uncle Sal is sleeping. Look, eh.

Why doesn't he like Russians?

He thinks you're a Communist.

You know what I think?

I think we should move in together.

I think you should live with me.

That way we save money on rent, utilities.

You don't have to take "A" train to make love with me.

-What do you think? -I don't feel like talking now.

It's all right. You don't have to talk.

But just tell me what you think.

Haven't you ever felt like not talking about something?

Yeah, in Russia that's permanent way of life.

Just... Just give me some vodka.

Don't you... You don't care for me?

-That's the problem. -Problem, why?

I think I care too much.

Come here. You know how much I love you?

Don't! It makes it worse.

-Don't. Just leave off me. -What?

I have worked, okay?

I have worked and struggled to make myself an American.

-Yeah, I saw it today. You. -An American!

-Yeah, you're an American. All right. -But I want to be in love

with someone who fits with my...

Okay. Okay. Now, I understand. Right.

I'm not Robert Redford. Okay, no.

! I -No, no, no, no. What...

-Listen, I didn't mean it that way. -Then what the hell do you mean?

-What do you mean? -Don't you understand?

It's too fast. I'm not ready for this.

- I don't want this. -VLADIMIR: For what? What?

I'm not ready for full-time love yet.

That's fine, fine. That's fine. I don't love you.

What do you mean, you don't love me? Yes, you do love me!

You are big American. Okay, congratulations, citizen!

(SWEARING IN ITALIAN)

Communist Pope killer!

(ALL SHOUTING IN ITALIAN)

NEIGHBOUR: There goes the neighbourhood.

(YAPPING)

(SAXOPHONE PLAYING)

LIONEL: Let me tell you one thing.

She's not the only piece of pasta on the menu, man,

So you gotta be makin' a move for somethin' else.

Bit difficult, huh?

Hello, sweet thing.

Hey, don't turn up your nose, honey. It blocks the light.

-Better I don't play. -Come on, Vlad. We're already here.

-Let's go. -Okay.

-It's time to make a move. -Okay.

Hello, sweet pea.

Don't turn up your light to me, it blocks the nose.

(APPLAUSE)

Vodka? Double.

I can't do this, man.

That's Wild Bill Hawthorn. I dreamed of...

WILD BILL: I got a surprise for you tonight.

I found out from a friend of mine that we have a musician, a Russian.

His name is Vladimir Ivanoff.

-Nice round for Ivanoff. -(APPLAUSE)

Good luck to you.

-WILD BILL: Welcome aboard. -Thank you, sir.

WILD BILL: You know, I played over in the Soviet Union in 1964.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Do you know the song, er... "The Blues to Yolanda"?

-Yes, sir. -Why don't you sit in with us on it?

(BAND STARTS PLAYING)

(BOTH SAXOPHONES PLAYING)

(ELABORATE SOLO)

(TAKING OVER SOLO)

(SPORADIC APPLAUSE)

(DISTANT SIREN)

I got smoked, man.

You didn't get smoked, man. What did you expect from the man?

I'm sorry.

What are you doing, man?

Better to know who you are. That way you know your limits.

You know who the hell you are.

All he said was practise, and work on it.

-No, man, I am shit. -Oh, you're full of shit, man.

Full of shit.

-By the way, you are white. -Oh, thank you, man.

You just don't pick up soul

-in two or three months. -Oh, God!

Even if you are Russian.

Let me tell you somethin' else, man.

That self-pity ain't gonna get you nowhere.

The saddest thing in the world is life, man.

-You tellin' me? -Mm-hmm.

It gets so bad, sometimes I don't think I'll make it.

-(VLADIMIR LAUGHING) -I ever tell you I had a kid?

I got involved with this girl, man.

She got pregnant, and went on back home to Alabama.

Thomas Alva Witherspoon. Five years old.

-Oh, that's wonderful. - I think of that kid, I wanna cry.

Well, why don't you cry, man?

-It's good for you. -I don't have to cry. I don't need to cry.

Lionel, Lionel...

When I was in Russia, I did not love my life,

but I loved my misery.

You know why?

Because it was my misery.

I could hold it.

I could caress it.

I loved my misery.

You know, I have whole family I will never ever see again.

Hey... Hey...

You see? Now you see. You know it. There it is.

Now you know that the saddest thing in the world is life, huh?

Yeah, man. Haha! Now you see. Hmm?

-Yeah! God! -(BOTH LAUGHING)

Thank you. Thank you for a wonderful night.

Boy, I feel great.

Hey, take care, okay? I love you.

(BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING)

If that was wonderful, what happens when he hits deep depression?

Yes, do you want to smell?

-You like it? -Yeah, I do like that.

LUCIA: How long did you say that you were going out with her?

-MAN: Just a little bit. -LUCIA: Just a little bit?

Yes, so if she doesn't like it, you can always bring it back, okay?

-Okay. -But don't lose the sales slip.

-Okay, thank you very much. -Bye. You're welcome. Have a nice day.

(GASPING)

What are you doing here?

-You must to help me. -What do you want?

I'm looking for blue jeans.

Now, listen, would...

I love you.

I don't want to argue with you, Vladimir.

And I know you love me, too.

Hey, defections are in the blue jeans department, fella.

-Lionel, what's happening? -Hi, Luci.

Hi, Lionel. How are you?

-Well, I got some news. -Yes?

-I'm turnin' in my badge. -Why?

I was due a raise, it didn't come.

VLADIMIR: What you going to do now, huh?

I'm going to Alabama to see the kid.

That's good for... good for you, but sad for us.

-I'm gonna miss you. -Why don't you two come see me, huh?

-Okay? -We give you a call. Won't we?

I want toilet water.

-Yes, ma'am. What...? -Tonight, we go out, we make party.

-No, I don't want to go with you. -For Lionel. Why don't you want to go?

I don't want to argue anymore.

I want toilet water.

-Luci. Luci. -CUSTOMER: I want toilet water.

If I go now, I don't ever come back, okay?

You hear me now?

-I hear you now. -Mm-hmm.

-CUSTOMER: I want toilet water! -Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- I want toilet water. -Ah, yes, yes. Now...

For you.

(THE GAP BAND: "PARTY TRAIN")

3 Everybody all aboard

3 Anybody want to take this ride

3 Anybody wanna ride

J All it takes is a nickel or a dime

J Be sure to get your ticket

J Hurry, don't you miss it

J Everybody's got to stand in line

J To be sure that you too will be right on time

-3 Everybody all aboard... $ Man!

(VLADIMIR CHUCKLING)

Thank you, Lionel. Thank you for everything.

You've been greatest friend to me.

I'm just a citizen.

Do svidaniya.

Hey, you keep your pecker in your pocket.

(SAXOPHONE PLAYING)

Glad you came up here, Vladimir.

Just wanted to check in. How you feeling?

Ah, good and bad.

The feets have been swellin' up real bad, so I gotta keep 'em up.

-Or so they say. -Hey, you look good.

Hey, shit, man, don't get old if you can help it.

In Russia, we honour the old people. We take care of them.

I think I move out there, huh?

Hello, sweet thing.

Don't turn up your nose, honey, it blocks out the light.

(CHUCKLING)

Do you hear from Lionel?

Yeah, the boy sent a card. Says he's okay.

Did he find work?

I don't know, but man do need to work to feel good.

You know, next week, we get tickets, we go to the ball game, huh?

-I'd love to, if my feets are better. -They'll be better.

-You take care, Pops. -So long, Vladimir.

See you, huh?

(KNOCKING)

Who is it?

MAN: Viadimir Ivanoff?

-Who are you? -(IN RUSSIAN) My name is Blozonov.

Who the hell are you? KGB? What?

(IN RUSSIAN) I have a letter for you. From your family.

A letter?

A letter?

Give it to me. (IN RUSSIAN) Give!

Thank you.

(IN ENGLISH) Come in.

(IN RUSSIAN) Come in, please.

(IN ENGLISH) Where did you get this, huh?

(REPEATS IN RUSSIAN)

(IN RUSSIAN) I knew your sister, Sasha, at school.

Sashenka?

How did you get it here? To America?

We were permitted to leave after only three years. We are Jewish.

Good. Sit down.

You have a beautiful home.

Bad news?

Bad news?

(IN ENGLISH) My grandfather died.

(REPEATS IN RUSSIAN)

(IN ENGLISH) He was a comedian.

(REPEATS IN RUSSIAN)

(IN RUSSIAN) I will leave you, Vladimir Ivanoff.

Thank you. Please call me when you get settled.

It's New York.

(IN ENGLISH) Goodbye.

(SAXOPHONE PLAYING "TAKE THE 'A' TRAIN")

MAN: Shut up down there, will you, Jack!

It's not a nightclub, asshole!

If you're looking for trouble, you're gonna get it!

You don't like jazz, pal? Huh? He was comedian.

He don't care about nobody. Nobody, huh?

Hey, you fuck yourself! Okay, pal? Okay, mister!

(SAXOPHONE PLAYING "TAKE THE 'A' TRAIN")

(RUSSIAN FOLK DANCE PLAYING)

(LIVELY RUSSIAN SONG)

(TROMBONE SOLO)

(BALALAIKA SOLO)

(SINGING RESUMES)

(BALALAIKA PLAYING)

-(IN RUSSIAN) He was a comedian. - I know. I know.

Mama!

-Hey! Hey! Hey! Ha! -Grandfather!

-Oh! -(VLADIMIR LAUGHING)

(IN RUSSIAN) Come on.

Hold still, motherfucker!

-Who are you? -Where's the money?

-Why do you do this? -Just shut the fuck up!

-I am Russian. -You're no fucking Russian!

-I am Russian! -(GUNSHOT)

(VLADIMIR ROARING)

I am Russian!

I am Russ...

(YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

What was in the wallet besides the money?

Some ID, driver's licence, Social Security.

Easily replaceable, my friend. You want to go to a doctor?

No.

You know, this is a goddamn insane country.

They were so young, and their eyes were cold like animals.

In Russia, I knew who the enemy was.

-Here, it's too confusing. -Oh, you're overreacting, my friend.

I always heard that Russians overdid things.

Is this liberty?

If it is, it's false liberty. Where are the poets?

What the hell do you want, a perfect place to live?

There's no such a thing, my friend.

Police said, even if they catch them, they go free.

They're juveniles. They do get away with a lot of crap.

-Can I help you, gentlemen? -Two coffees, please.

-An apple turnover. -Make it two.

What freedom?

When you can't walk down the street, is that freedom?

Do you really think you were better off before, in Russia?

It's freedom for a woman to spread her legs like that on a magazine?

Hey, pal, you free?

Hey. Excuse us.

There's no freedom here.

If there is, she's an orphan.

To tell you the truth, Orlando, New York frightens me.

It's brutal. It's crazy.

What are you staring at?

Take it easy...

Don't you tell me to take it easy! No-one tells me "take it easy"” anymore.

What are you staring at?

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

What did he say?

He said that he's looking at a giant asshole from Moscow.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

What's he saying now?

He said he's from Leningrad, giant asshole.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

He says he's been here for seven years,

and he loves it very much.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

-What the hell is going on? -He's telling me:

"Go back to Moscow, turd!"

(IN RUSSIAN) In Moscow, we have to fight for a crumb of freedom.

Here, you shit on it!

. Que pasa?

(EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

He's telling me now, if I want law and order,

I should go back to Moscow, stand in line for bread.

Stale bread.

Stale bread.

-(EXPLOSIONS) -What the hell is that?

Firecrackers. Independence Day.

Hey,

I'm sorry.

-Vladimir Ivanoff. -Sergei Golub.

-It's okay. -Izviniti.

Independence Day.

You know, it's, um...

"When in the course of human events, becomes necessary to," um...

What is it? I forgot the rest.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident..."

-"That all men..." -ALL: "Are created equal."

"That they are endowed by their Creators..."

"With certain inalienable rights. These are..."

"Life."

"Liberty."

"Happiness."

Yeah, happiness!

Shchastye!

Happiness.

Happiness.

(CHUCKLING)

Felicidad.

Felicidad.

Hosaikai.

Oh, God!

(WATER RUNNING)

-Hello... -Huh?

Hey, what happened?

I got mugged.

What are you doing here?

You want me to go?

No, no, it's nice surprise.

I came over because I was going to leave the key here, and, er...

waiting for you, I fall asleep.

You don't look very nice, you know.

I mean... are you sure you're fine?

Hey, I'm strong like Russian bear.

-How you been? -I've been okay.

Okay.

I've... I've missed you very much.

Me too.

I'm... I'm not ready for marry yet,

but I would love to live with an immigrant.

VLADIMIR: "Beloved family, I received the news of Grandfather's death.

"Of course, I'm very sad,

"but he lived life on his own terms, even to the end.

"I'm playing my dear saxophone again.

"Yes, I've finally gotten work as a musician.”

(INAUDIBLE)

"My good friend, Lionel, returned from Alabama,

"and he now has my old job.

"In the daytime, I'm free to do whatever I please,

"wherever I want to, as long as it is legal."”

(BELL RINGING)

A hot dog, please.

Vladimir Ivanoff?

Boris?

Don't worry, my friend. I am retired.

-Yeah? -Four years.

What are you doing here?

Did you think I could go back to Moscow after what's happened?

-Have you been well? -Yeah.

-It's a strange country, huh? -Oh, yes.

Strange and wonderful. (CHUCKLING)

-Can I say "thank you"? -Sure.

Thank you. (CHUCKLING)

Wait...

Oh, put your money away.

It's a good hot dog.

The best in New York!

See you.

Okay, mister.

(SAXOPHONE PLAYING)

VLADIMIR: "This is a free country, welcome to almost anyone.

"And I hope that someday you will join me here.

"Of course, I will continue to write to you every week.

"Yes, in America, anything is possible.

"Goodbye for now, beloved family.

"I love you. Vol ya.”

(CHAKA KHAN: "FREEDOM") 3 Freedom

J Freedom

J Freedom

J Oh, oh, oh, let me go

J Do you want to know me?

J I would like to know you

J Do you want to talk to me?

J I would like to talk to you

J Oh, oh, I just wanna love you

J If you don't trust me

J I'm never gonna trust you

J If you don't try to understand me

J I'll never understand you

J Oh, oh, I just wanna love you

J I'm talking about freedom

J (Do you want to know me)

J Talking about freedom

J (I would like to know you)

J Talking about freedom

J Oh, oh let me go

J If you hold me now

J I'll keep on praying

♪ That you will come around

J And hear just what I'm saying

J Oh, oh, I just wanna love you

J If you take my eyes

J I'll still be watching you

J And if you take my voice

J I'll still hear me saying

J Oh, oh, I just wanna love you

J I'm talking about freedom

J (Do you want to know me?)

J Talking about freedom

J Talking about freedom

J Oh, oh let me go &

SUBTITLES BY POWERHOUSE FILMS LTD