Original subtitles

Help!

It's not what you think.

Well, it's partly what you think, but, er...

Oh, it's so complicated.

Oh, god, help me! Please! You can't be the man I'm about to marry.

Don't tell me that my fiancé is that my fiancé is a

haunted honeymoon, starring Larry Abbot, will continue after this news update.

Stay tuned for the chilling conclusion of this week's tale from Manhattan mystery theatre.

- Don't touch that dial. We'll be right back. - You're off the air.

Ok, boys. You've got two minutes. Go.

Listen, pal, I'm not a boy and I don't want to be referred to as one of the boys.

Hey, hey, hey! Guys, guys! Girl one at a time, huh?

Larry, are you two getting married Sunday?

Only if it rains. I got tickets for the world series.

Say, when did he ask you, vickie?

Right after strangling me in "curse of the mummy".

- Say yes right away? - Bet your sweet patoot.

- How do you spell "patoot"? - Any way you like.

You've been in lots of shows that went bust. How's it feel to own a hit?

I don't own her, I'm just marrying her.

No, I mean the radio show.

Sure, I'm on top of the world 'cause I got the number one show. That's just luck.

I teel you something. I'm head-over-heels in love with the best girl in the world.

That's not luck, that's god smiling on me.

When vickie said yes to me

From the minute vickie said yes

He bought a double mattress and a new stove.

How's her cooking, Larry? Have you tasted it yet?

Sure, sure, but we're getting married anyway.

Say vickie, how'd he ask you? Oh, come on, give us a break.

Your fans love this stuff. Come on, vickie. Was he romantic?

It was like in the movies. Honest to god.

We're walking along in the moonlight.

He gets down on one knee, looks at me and says

it's almost airtime, gentlemen.

Ok, boys, that's it.

We're giving you a page of coverage here.

Give 'em a break, will ya?

Can we have a level first violin, please?

- Well, Larry's certainly in good form today. - The show isn't over.

- You can see he's fine today, Charlie. - Organ.

The show isn't over yet.

Eddy, are you there? I don't see you.

Could we hear a little bit of the storm, please, eddy?

That's fine, eddy.

Ten seconds, everyone.

Say, eddy

is my tie straight?

- What? - My tie, is it straight?

Your tie is fine.

No, but is it straight?

Yeah, your tie is straight.

- Say "I swear to god your tie is straight". - I swear to god you tie is straight.

Thanks, eddy.

Ralston purina checkerboard square, makers of purina dog chow, presents

Manhattan mystery theatre.

Hello again. Still there?

This is your host speaking.

And now, friends, brace yourselves for the chilling conclusion

to tonight's tale of horror, entitled

"haunted honeymoon".

Lady wolfington is speaking on the telephone

to inspector carp of Scotland yard.

Inspector, I'm terrified. I tell you, it's gone beyond all reason.

Lady wolfington, there's only one way to tell if a man has werewolf in his blood.

He'll give himself away by stammering ever so slightly

on all words beginning with "w'

yes! If you really do suspect your fiance, put him to the test.

I'll get there as soon as I can.

Oh, Freddy, you startled me.

Startled?

By me? -Y - es, I'm sorry I,

all words beginning with "w"!

All words beginning with “w".

Darling, what a lovely sweater.

Is that cotton or wool?

This? Oh, it's woo wool.

What?

I say, uh I don't know. Must be some sort of a cotton.

Oh, I think another storm's brewing.

Seems so.

Doesn't it?

Listen to that wind.

Ooh! It's frightening, isn't it?

- Why's he laughing? - I don't know.

- Is that how you rehearsed it? - No, but that's Larry.

Darling, I'm going to have a Sherry.

- Would you or wouldn't you like some? - Oh, I wou... I wou...

Um... yes, I'll have some.

- Here's your drink, darling. - Thanks. Cheers.

- To wolfington castle. - To woo... woo...

To woo-woo-woo...

To woo-woo-woo-woo...

Woo-woo-woo...

To woo-woo-woo...

Woo-woo... to woo-woo-woo...

To woo-woo-woo-woo... wolfington castle.

- He's out. He's fired. - No!

- Who the hell are you? - I'm Dr. Paul Abbot.

Oh, doctor, thank god you're here. Please come in.

This is our sponsor, Mr. Tarlow.

Charlie, this is Larry's uncle, the famous psychiatrist.

- I asked him to come her and meet you. - What's he laughing at?

- This is a mystery, not a comedy. - He's laughing because he's afraid.

- Afraid? - Tomorrow it might make him cry.

That's what he did last week.

What's he afraid of? Thunder and lightning? A wind machine?

We have that stuff every week. Why now? We were number one!

Because three weeks ago he got engaged to be married.

- "The curse of the mummy." - What's that got to do with it?

The engagement has opened a crack in his psyche,

so hideous to Larry's mind that he must lock it out.

- But I do know that I can cure him. - How?

By scaring him

- you want to scare him even more? - How do you cure hiccups, Mr. Tarlow?

Well, you - listen to me.

I've been working in Zurich with a brilliant scientist

who has discovered the cure for Larry's condition.

Dr. Strickland has proved the cure is to increase

the pressure of the fears, not lessen it.

- Like going faster around a dangerous curve? - Exactly.

This weekend, starting tonight, the entire Abbot family

is gathering for the wedding at the estate of Larry's great-aunt.

We have him in an ideal situation,

a lonely estate, miles from anywhere.

- Have you told vickie? - No, not vickie, thafd be too risky.

I'm afraid she couldn't be objective.

Are you promising you can cure Larry?

I, Paul Abbot, promise that I can cure Larry within 36 hours.

- Just by scaring him? - By scaring him to death.

Don't know.

I can be feeling swell, on top of the world,

then something sets it off and I'm scared to death.

Ehy, what a clock?

So you acted nutty for a couple of shows, so what?

You're still the best actor in New York, with the hottest show in the country,

and best of all, you still got me.

So, listen, cookie, if something scares you before Sunday, just say:

"Whoops, there goes my imagination again. How do you like that?"

J'always in all ways rely upon me j“

Whoops, there goes my imagination again. How do you like that?

That's my guy. Did you hear what the bug said to the windshield?

- What? - That's me all over.

Sweet. Don't you get it? If a bug splattered...

- Honey, is my tie straight? - What?

- Is my tie straight? - Your he's fine.

- Yeah, but is it straight? - Yeah, it's straight.

Oh, good.

Someone in this family is trying to kill me.

What? You don't know what you're saying.

Larry's the only one I trust. Please give me the pen. I haven't much time.

- They'll all be here any moment. - I love you, Kate.

I respect you as if you were my own mother.

You're the dearest person I know. I'd even die for you, Kate.

But darling, never mind that I'm a member of the family,

before you sign, there's one thing you haven't considered.

What's that?

What if Larry dies before you do?

If Larry should die, you can all share the money equally, just as it was before.

Francis, you're the only living person that knows I've changed my will.

If you ever tell anyone may your soul rot in hell.

What a cosy place for a wedding. Who lived here before? Count Dracula?

Will you lay off that stuff? I grew up here in this place.

You grow up here? No wonder you turned out so normal.

- Hey, hey. - Sorry. Must be delightful by daylight.

Make a run for it, sweetie. I'll get the bags.

0k.

Go on, honey, knock on the door. I'll be right there.

I'm I'm engaged to Larry Abbot and he said he grew up here.

Oh, you know he

he was just you know him, he says he maybe I'm at the wrong house.

I can come back, thank you.

Sorry, honey. Oh, I see you've already met.

I am pfister, the family Butler.

Yes, and I'm the little boy you used to tuck into bed

and bring warm milk and cookies to just before you kissed me good night.

- Your name, please? - My name?

- Is he kidding? - Come in, Mr. Kidding. I'll take the bags.

Won't you follow me, please?

- Poor pfister, his memory's going. - I wish we were.

This way, please.

- Holy smokes. You grew up in this place? - I learned to ride a bike in this room.

He gives me the willies.

Be nice to him, honey. He seems a little strange but he isn't.

- What I talk about? - Talk about a minute, that'll be enough.

Be very careful of that magnificent vase on the landing.

There are only three like it in the entire world.

Oh, what kind is it?

Twenty-five past seven.

- A little hard of hearing. It comes and goes. - He is what?

- A little hard of hearing. It comes and goes. - What?

My fiancée, she's a little hard of hearing.

- Come and goes, eh? - Yes.

I'll remember that. This way, miss!

This is gonna be some weekend.

Toby! Toby, shush!

Why are these windows still open? Do I have to do everything? Drunken sot!

Hold your horses! Where's pfister?

Where is he? Oh, I'm coming, I'm coming.

Who are you? What do you want?

This is just for the family. I don't know you.

Why are you looking at me?

What do you want? Are you selling something?

Oh, please, forgive me.

Is there any way I can help you, sir?

I'm montego.

My wife is Susan Abbot. She should be here any moment.

I came from Philadelphia by train.

I believe the family's expecting me.

Won't you come in?

- Have you got any luggage, sir? - Just this one case.

Ooh, it's a large one, isn't it?

Would you like me to ...?

I prefer to handle it myself, thank you.

Now if anything frightens you, anything at all, you just holler.

- I'll be right down the hall, ok? - Ok.

Just practising.

I love you, cookie.

- See you in 20 minutes. - Ok.

J“ da-da-da I

- master Larry! - Pfister, you do remember me.

Of course. When did you get here?

About 15 minutes ago.

If I'd known, I'd have greeted you to myself.

Yes, that would have been nice. Well, we can't have everything.

- Come along, you're in your old room. - Oh, good.

- So what do you think, honey? - Wow, what a snazzy little nook.

Rachel, Rachel, you're a sight for sore eyes, baby.

Oh, Rachel

- she usually plants a big, wet one on me. - I do not!

She must be shy.

Rachel, I'd like you to meet a very old friend of mine from school, Sylvia beecham.

Pleased to meet you, Rachel.

Rachel, you look wonderful. Not a day over seventy

three? Four? Seventy-five six. Oh, Rachel.

You need a haircut.

Oh, same old Rachel. Love you, baby, love you.

- Where's Larry? - He's upstairs.

Come on, I'll take you on the grand tour, huh?

Rachel, did you get the note about the connecting rooms?

- What? What's that? - I knew that would get to her.

If you don't mind me saying, sir, your uncle Francis is a strange man.

You're telling me. He scared me to death as a kid.

- Is he still married? - Widower.

- Widower than what? - What do you mean?

- You said he was widower. - He is.

I don't know what you talking about. He isn't widower than anything.

- He's just a "wittle" man? - That's right.

That's all I was asking.

I see.

Well, the old room looks just about the same.

Nothing's changed since you left, sir.

- Rachel still cleaning up? - Never stops, sir.

I think I like to say hello to aunt Kate before we change for dinner.

I beg your pardon, sir.

Your aunt Kate has just concluded some business

and asked to be excused until the family assemble downstairs.

Well, it's lovely to see you again, pfister.

It's lovelier to see you, sir.

Holy baloney, here we go again.

Coming, darling.

Coming, Larry.

- Did you hear it, too? - It's my fiancé.

- Hello. - I'm Larry's uncle.

- Hello. - Hello, how are you?

- Fine. - Can I help you?

I'm sure it's nothing. He's just been nervous about the wedding.

Look, why don't I go in with you?

Larry?

Honey?

Where are you?

Larry?

Don't be afraid. The lightning's all gone.

He can't just have vanished.

- Larry? - Don't move.

You're risking your lives.

Don't even raise your voices. There's a deadly snake in that closet.

Call the zoo. Ask them if they're missing a seven-foot cobra.

Larry, I don't think - don't argue.

- Hey, steady! - Honey

Larry, I'll take a look in the closet.

No, no, listen to me. Call the zoo.

- Where'd you see the snake? - In the top drawer.

Uncle Francis, I know my cobras. You'll be dead within seconds.

Is this your snake?

By the way, uncle Francis, I'd like you to meet my fiancee, vickie pearle.

Vickie, this is my...

Uncle Francis.

- Your mommy and daddy are right next door. - Makes it more exciting.

But supposing they walk in and see us, how would I look?

Like a million bucks.

Charlie, why do you reduce everything to money?

Because I don't have any.

- But I'd be happy if you only had 100 dollars. - So would I.

Listen Charlie, I can't take much more of this.

Either marry me, or let's call it quits.

I can't afford to marry you. Not yet.

And don't threaten me, honey.

- I need a little more time. - I may not wait around, Charlie.

Did you hear me, Charlie?

I said I may not wait around.

We'll talk about it at the end of the week.

What? Drinking! Don't think I didn't see you.

You'd better be sober tonight or you don't get into my bed.

See who's at the door. Hurry!

Do I have to do everything? Drunken sot!

- Hello, pfister. Ma'am.

- Boy, it's cold out there. Everyone here? - You're the last one, miss Susan.

Hello, Toby. What's the matter?

Aren't you going to say hello?

Come on, boy. Say hello to aunt Susan.

You remember me, don't you? Good boy.

I know you love me.

- I'll have a whisky and soda. - Certainly, ma'am.

- Is my husband upstairs? - Yes, miss Susan.

Oh, there's a small bag in the car. You can get it later.

Very well, ma'am.

- Larry, wow! Come to mama. - Sylvia.

Oh, darling!

- What are you doing here? - Can't speak now. See you later.

- Honey, I was just coming to get you. - Am I glad to see you.

- Yikes. Who's been kissing you? - Oh, Rachel.

- Who's Rachel? - Pfister's wife. She went crazy.

She was so happy to see me. She started kissing me.

Well, this is some colour. She must be quite a hot tamale.

She is, but you'd never think it. She's just a little thing.

Rachel! We were just talking about you.

- This is Rachel. - How do you do?

As ye sow, so shall ye reap.

No, no! Stop that! You're gonna get me in trouble with my fiancée.

It's sad, really. She just can't keep her hands off of men.

- How do I look? - "Boffo socko", according to variety.

"Montego magic spells dollars."

- Hmm. How much did we make? - 12,000.

- Did you gamble this week? - 'Fraid so. You look beautiful in that gown.

- How much did we lose? - 14.

- This can't go on, monty. - I know, darling. I know.

- What's that? - Diamond necklace.

- Where did you get it? - Magic.

- It's lovely. - Everything's gonna change, I promise.

So long as you have faith in me.

- You're a very persuasive man. - It's all done with mirrors.

Champagne?

- Thank you, pfister. - Thank you, pfister.

Champagne?

- Where's your son? - I don't know where the hell he is.

- He was supposed to be here. - I hope this isn't a stupid prank, again.

- I don't want anything to go wrong. - Does aunt Kate know about?

- What she needs to. - You know what you're doing?

Just take care of your pan, I'll take care of mine.

The montego? You're kidding. You're montego the magician?

- That's my husband. - I don't believe it!

You're kidding me! You're kidding me! Are you doing some magic tonight?

- I always come prepared. - You don't know what this means to me.

Since I was a little girl I used to dream - Sylvia, darling. Come here, please.

- Larry, you remember your old girlfriend? - Larry, wow! What a surprise.

Sylvia, I didn't know you were going with Charlie. What a surprise.

- Wow. - Sylvia, I'd like you to meet

- champagne, miss? - Oh, yeah. Thanks.

Sylvia - champagne, miss?

Thank you.

Sylvia, I'd like you to meet my fiancée, vickie.

- I love your lipstick. What's it called? - Pink passion.

Oh, yeah. Well, quit "passion" it around.

- Has Larry been flirting with you? - Charlie.

- Charlie, I'm engaged. - Larry, you want her back?

- Charlie! - I've got my own girl, Charlie.

Just like the old days, cuz? But we love each other, huh?

Madam Katherine!

This house is cursed!

They were all godless here.

They used to bring their women to this house,

brazen, lolling creatures with their silks and satins.

Oh, they filled this house with laughter and sin.

Laughter and sin

wicked, blasphemous men with their painted women.

They revelled in the joys of fleshly love.

Oh, I can still,

still hear the echoes of the past. Oh, what memories!

Hello, darling.

Aunt Kate, this is my fiancée, vickie.

- How do you do, aunt Kate? - Oh, charming. Charming.

I'm starved. Let's eat.

I want you next to me during dinner.

Oh, you remind me of me when I was a little girl.

You're a good girl. I can see it in your eyes.

Not like the others. He's chosen wisely.

- Thank you, aunt Kate. - You're welcome.

I know that one of you is a werewolf.

I saw you in the garden this afternoon.

Don't be frightened, dear. She's a little bit eccentric.

Of course, I'm only speaking to the Abbot family.

My brother John, from whom you are all descended,

was bitten on the back of his neck by something half animal, half human.

From that moment on he was hairy all over.

I had hoped all these years that his disease would not be passed on,

but now I see that it was.

One of you is preying upon the fears of an old woman.

Whoever you are, may god strike you dead.

Now let's have coffee and dessert in the music room.

Shh, Toby!

Stop it now. Quiet!

What's the matter with you?

There's no one there.

What's got into you?

Marriage is a wonderful thing.

My mother never

what I'm about to tell you

first

first, you put your two knees close up tight.

- You mean, you swing them to the left? - Yes.

- And then you swing them to the right? - Oh, my dear

you step around the floor,

kind of nice and light.

One, two

j' and then you twist around and twist around with all of your might I

j“ spread your iovin' arms clear out a space j“

j“ you do the eagle rock with style and grace j“

j“ you put your left foot out I

j“ and bring it back j“

j“ and that's what we call "ballin' the Jack" j'

J“ spread j“

j' your iovin' arms way out in space j“

j“ do the eagle rock with style and grace j'

j' you put your left foot out and bring it back j'

j“ and that's what we call "ballin' the Jack" j'

j“ and that's what we call j'

j' ball... j“

j' "ballin' the Jack" j“

j' "ballin' the Jack" j“

j' "ballin' the Jack" j“

Oh, yes, port. Thank you, darling.

Where's Francis junior?

I don't know, Kate. He said he was coming this afternoon.

I thought he'd be here for dinner.

One of my dresses is missing.

- Has he been at it again? - No. No I

my son does a wonderful impression of aunt Kate. He's got her voice to a t.

And, well sometimes he likes to put on one of aunt Kate's dresses

- to entertain at family gatherings. - I see.

You should have seen him last Christmas. Such fun!

Yes. And when the police dragged him out of the ladies' room at saks fifth Avenue,

that was fun.

- Power failure. - Larry'?

- Here, honey. - How exciting!

- Who's got the cigarette lighter? - What's that?

Don't touch me! Don't touch me!

The lights have gone out, madam.

Mm. Good old pfister, soon figured that one out.

Electricity is the work of the devil.

I don't trust it at all.

God's paying me back for putting it in.

- Come on, Kate. You can't live in the past. - Oh, shut up.

Why am I always being talked into things I'll regret later?

We should go to bed. We're going to be busy, what with the wedding.

- You ready to call it a night, monty? - Yes, I'm ready.

- Francis? - I'm ready.

- Susan? - I'm ready.

- Chafles? - Oh, sure, dad. Count me in, yeah.

Sylvia, honey, you ready to go to bed?

I sure am.

How about you, honey?

- Sure, yeah.

How about you, pfister?

I'm ready.

Pfister, have arrangements been made in case a blackout should last all night?

Miss Rachel is upstairs now lighting the candles, sir.

Thank you for a lovely evening, Kate. Shall we see you in the morning?

Who knows if any of us shall ever see the morning.

Don't let that werewolf business frighten you.

Aunt Kate had werewolves on the brain since we were kids.

Larry, if I get scared I'm getting right into your bed.

I don't care about the rules.

So if you wake up with somebody, don't worry, it's me.

Ok. And if I'm not there, I'll be in Sylvia's room.

Oh, you

and if you get scared, just remember,

I'm down the hall and nothing'll happen to you while I'm here.

0k.

Good night, sweetie.

- Good night, cookie. - Good night, my angel cakes.

Larry! Oh, honey

well, I can't sleep. How do you like that?

I have been in there tossing and turning for hours. How about you, Sylvia?

Yeah, I was thanking Larry for a wonderful evening

and just saying how happy I am for you both.

- Anyway good night, Larry. - Good night.

- Good night, vickie. - Good night, Sylvia.

See you in the morning for breakfast?

- Yeah. - Bye.

Bye.

Good night, honey.

Good night, sweetheart.

Beat it, while you're still healthy.

- Jesus! - Sh!

Where you been? You're late. I came looking for you a little while ago.

I couldn't get away. What did you do with the body?

- I didn't know where to put her. - Him.

Him. He's in an empty bed on the second floor.

Are you crazy? I can't have the police snooping around this place.

That's your problem. This is too risky. Just pay me, I'm going.

- You goofed up once today. - Don't blame me.

He was in a dress and a wig. How could I know?

- You'll get your money when the job is done. - I'll get my money tonight.

Or I'll tell your whole family what you're up to.

You wouldn't know about the change in the will if I hadn't told you.

- I want Larry Abbot dead. - Kill him yourself.

You wouldn't have to hire people like me if you had the guts to kill

I'm all by myself and I'm very, very scared.

Gee, ain't you a swell little duck?

Are you afraid of werewolves?

Are you kidding? The werewolf will eat me up.

Would you like to give me a little kiss?

I'm a little shy, but ok.

Aren't you scared to be in this great big house?

What? Scared? Are you kidding? I'm not afraid of anything.

- Uh-oh. - Sh. Don't be frightened, vickie.

I need your help.

Yuck.

It's cold in here. Oh, what a day.

Why, you little devil. You did it, didn't you?

I didn't think you'd have the nerve. Oh, darling

what a great gift you're giving to me.

I'll Cherish this night for the rest of my life.

Say, you're very quiet, aren't you? What's the matter, honey?

Are you shy? You want me to make the first move?

Come here, cookie.

Oh, honey

want to play Donald?

Oh, baby, oh

go slow. Go slow, honey.

Oh, sweetheart.

Honey, your little body is frozen.

Your legs are like ice.

Well, maybe this'll warm you up.

Pfister, thank goodness. Something terrible has happened.

- I found cousin Francis in my bed. - Wearing a dress?

Yes, he was.

Just ask him to leave. Say you have a headache.

No, you don't understand. Francis junior is dead, do you hear?

- He's dead. - You must be mistaken, sir.

No, no, come in here, please. I'll show you.

- Do you see him? - I think you'd better take a look, sir.

- This can't be. - I'm afraid so, sir.

I'm telling you I felt a cold dead body lying beside me in bed. Do you understand?

I feel that every night. Warm Brandy helps.

Are you sure you'll be all right, sir?

Good night, sir.

Whoops, there goes my imagination again.

- Beg pardon, sir? - Nothing, pfister, thanks. Good night.

Good night, sir.

Pleasant dreams.

All right, no more nonsense.

You were right, honey. It was just my imagination.

Now, you'd think this would frighten me.

Well, it doesn't.

Because I know that this is just a filthy figment of my diseased imagination.

And all I have to do to prove it is simply reach out my hand

And touch it.

Don't be a scaredy-cat. There's nothing there.

Just touch it.

Larry

Larry

Larry

Larry

What the hell's going on over there?

- That's the Abbot place, isn't it? - We better take a look.

Ah! Who's that?

- Pfister! - Master Larry.

Oh, thank goodness. Look, it's cousin Francis.

He's dead!

I know he's dead. That's what I was trying to tell you.

You killed your own cousin.

What? Remember I tried to show you a body?

You're the werewolf. I've gotta tell your aunt.

Wait a minute. Will you listen to me?

Don't you understand? Somebody killed him and dragged him here.

You did, you fiend.

Are you crazy? Will you let me explain to you?

There's something fishy going on here and I don't like it.

Now please stop eating and tell me if everything's all right.

- Murderer! - Yes, everything's fine.

- What was that? - My husband in the cellar, drunk as usual.

Oh, yeah? Well, I think we'd better take a look ourselves.

Thank you for the cake, ma'am.

You've got the disease, the curse of the werewolf.

The beast is in your blood.

- Hold it right there. - What?

- Just keep sitting right where you are. - Sitting?

Oh all right.

We heard some hollering down here.

Oh, you mean

you filthy beast! I'll kill you! Murderer!

- You some kind of crackpot? - No, I was just going over my lines.

- Who are you? - Larry Abbot. My aunt lives here.

Larry Abbot? Holy smokes. You mean the radio actor?

Yeah, that's me. I was just going over my lines.

Murderer!

You have to get it right or the audience won't believe you.

- That was you we heard? - Yah, yah, that was me.

I didn't want to disturb the folks upstairs so I came down here to sit and relax and

- go over my lines. - What brings you here, Mr. Abbot?

Getting married.

- Really? - Yeah, finally gonna do it.

- You boys must know her. Vickie pearle. - Hey, that's exciting.

Yes, sir. It's the biggest thrill of my life, I can tell you that. What the ...?

- What are you doing, Mr. Abbot? - Rats. Something terrible.

It's the only drawback really to rehearsing down here.

Bye the way. Have you seen the Butler? He's supposed to be down here.

No, no I haven't seen him.

J' ho ho ho ho ho forget your troubles, come on, get happy

j“ we're gonna chase all your blues away boo, boo, shout hallelujah

j' come on, get happy get

j' ready for the judgement day j'

oh. I have to sing in next week's programme.

If you don't mind, I'll take a look around before we go, for safety's sake.

- Sure. - Well, good night for now.

Good night.

- Night, Mr. Abbot. - Good night, nice of you boys to drop by.

Murderer!

That was phoney.

Murderer

mmm... better.

Why, you filthy beast.

- Come on, bill. - I'll kill you. Murd

That was a close call. Poor old pfister.

Sorry I had to hit you, old fella. How you doing?

Pfister, do you know where vickie is? Pfister, can you hear me?

- Pardon. - Oh, dear.

Who is it? Who's there? Is someone there?

Pfister, is that you?

Madam Kate was right.

I saw it.

- You saw what, you drunken sot? - The werewolf.

- What? - It wasn't master Larry.

What are you babbling about? The police were here. Did you know that?

- I've got to hide master Francis. - What?

Master Larry's innocent. I must hide that body.

- Give me that. - It's mine.

- Give it to me. - It's my last one.

Pull free.

"When the wine runneth red, it biteth like a serpent."

Larry

ow, this thing's pinching my butt.

Just hang on for a minute, vickie. Hang on. God!

I should never have let your father talk me into this.

Vickie, would you hold still, please? I can't control this if you move around.

If you want my opinion, I think this strickland thing is a lot of baloney.

- Could you let me down for a minute? - Why?

- I gotta go to the powder room. - Vickie!

I gotta go to the can. What should I do?

All right. This is gonna be some wedding.

A loony for a husband and Peter Pan for his wife.

- Isn't it nice Mr. Abbot getting married? - Shut up and keep your eyes open.

What are they looking for? They could ruin things.

Dr. Strickland didn't have the police, did he?

- Don't worry, dad. There's plenty of time. - There is not plenty of time.

- That's my lightning machine. - Where's vickie?

- She's in the powder room. - What is that supposed to mean?

I assume she's powdering her nose.

- There's something fishy here. - That came from the garden.

Come on.

- Pfister! - Master Larry, you did frighten me.

- What have you got there? - The other body.

- What other body? - He was under your cousin.

I was about to Bury them self.

Hey, what's going on over there?

Get rid of the bodies! They'll think I did it.

They must be around here somewhere.

Hey, who are you people? What are you doing?

- Stay right where you are. - We got you covered, so no fast moves.

What the ...?

Mr. Abb ot.

Hello there. What a beautiful night, isn't it'?

J' isn't it romantic?

J' drifting shadows write the oldest magic word j'

oh, to be dancing with the woman you love, just before the wedding.

Darling

The woman you love? You mean, this is

boys, meet vickie pearle.

How do you do, miss pearle? Holy mackerel, wait till I tell the kids.

Gosh, could I trouble you for an autograph?

Well

- am I imposing too much, Mr. Abbot? - No, that's all right.

- Do you have pencil and paper? - Sure.

- What's your name? - Bill.

All right.

Could you hold the pad steady, please? There you go, bill.

Thanks, Mr. Abbot. That's awfully nice of you.

- Quite all right, bill. - We'll leave you two lovebirds alone now.

Come on, Mickey. Weren't they nice? I love show folks. They're so full of life.

I'm ready, Charles.

Charlie? Hey, where'd everybody go?

I woke up in the woodbin and saw you go to the kitchen.

Then this fiend crossed straight in front of me.

He couldn't have been more than

oh my! Pfister!

Help! Someone help!

He couldn't have been more than what?

Paul! Francis!

Whoever your werewolf is, he's gone now.

I saw him just a few moments ago.

He was standing right here.

Aunt Kate, for heaven's sake, don't start again about one of us being a werewolf.

This is the 20th century. People don't become werewolves.

Are you so sure?

- Excuse me. I want to see who they are. - Don't!

I'm sorry, Francis. Your son is dead.

- He's been murdered. - Oh, my god.

- Oh, dear god in heaven! - I'm so sorry, Francis.

- Who was the other man? - We don't know, Francis.

Dr. Abb ot.

Where's Larry?

- Aunt Kate saw him here with a werewolf. - Cut the bullshit.

I just want to know where Larry is.

I don't know where Larry is. If I did I'd tell you, I swear to god.

- There's a homicidal maniac loose. - Where are the police?

- They're gone. I saw them leave. - Should I call them?

Yes, you'd better. All right, let's spread out.

- Men check the grounds, the women inside. - Come with me while I call the police.

- Kate. - Go on, find Larry.

I'll stay here with pfister. Go on.

- Are you sure? - Go on, go on.

Larry, stop whimpering. Stand up straight like a big boy.

You've got to help mummy. This is a very special day.

Look at your tie. It's all twisted again.

Try to keep it straight, honey. Just a little while longer.

I don't want anything to go wrong today.

What are you afraid of? That old lightning?

Lightning can't hurt you, honey. Everyone knows that.

I know it's late, officer, but this is an emergency.

No. No, I'm not imagining things.

God dammit officer, I don't care how many times you've been out here already!

Two people have been murdered.

Is that important enough for a phone call in the middle of the night?

Get out here or I'm calling the mayor. You'll be looking for a job by the morning.

Ok. We'll see you in a few minutes, then.

That guy got me angry. Still, they'll be here in a couple of minutes.

So why don't you just relax, huh?

What's the matter? What are you staring at?

- Nothing. You were so angry. Good for you. - Oh, yeah. Here.

Larry isn't the only actor in the family.

You filthy, murdering skunk.

I was just trying to earn a buck.

I'm the good boy, not cousin Larry.

I'm smarter than cousin Larry.

I'm better-looking than cousin Larry.

And I'm gonna be a hell of a lot richer.

That vase cost me 5,000 dollars.

There are only three like it in the world.

- Two. - You two.

Hold this. Oh, well.

Darling - let's get on with this wedding, my dears.

And do you, vickie pearle, take this man to love, honour and Cherish

- until death do you pan? - I do.

I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Wait! Oh, wait.

Before this moment is over, I want to say that this house

has been under a cloud of darkness for so many years

and now, at last, the cloud has pissed

passed.

Passed.

Yes, oh I mean ah, I mean

the cloud has passed away.

Oh, it's gone, it's finished. The cloud has just really passed.

- Run along, you two. - Goodbye, aunt Kate.

- We love you. - And have a happy, happy honeymoon.

Tune in next week when Manhattan mystery theatre presents "your mummy's calling",

brought to you by ralston purina, makers of purina dog chow.

We're a little late, so good night, folks.

Ok, you two lovebirds, let's get this show on the road.

I said "pissed". Did you hear? I said "pissed" on the radio.

- Here you are. - Thank you. Bye.

Oh, you goodbye, goodbye. Oh, goodbye.

I don't believe it.

They got married on the radio and now they're getting married in real life.

- Call me tomorrow, honey! - Get the hell outta here!

J' sometimes in small ways j'

j' we may not agree j'

j“ but we will weather our chips together j“

before you all settle back into the cosy comfort of a happy ending,

let me ask you one question.

Are you so sure that our story has ended?

Until next time, this is your host

wishing you pleasant dreams.

J' and then you twist around and twist around with all of your might I

j“ I' spread your iovin' arms clear out a space j“

j' I' you do the eagle rock with style and grace j'

j' I' you put your left foot out j“

j” I' and bring it back j”

j“ and that's what we call “baffin” the Jack" j'

J' spread j“

j' I' your iovin' arms way out in space j“

j' >i' do the eagle rock with style and grace j“

j“ I' you put your left foot out and bring it back j'

j“ and that's what we call “baffin” the Jack" j'

j“ and that's what we call j'

j' ball... j“

j' “baffin” the Jack" j“

j' “baffin” the Jack" j“

j' “baffin” the Jack" j' j'