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Don’t move, or we’ll shoot!

Excuse me, I have a meeting scheduled here.

- With whom? - With Mr President, at 7.

TWO KILERS

My wife, our country, and I are all infinitely grateful to you

for what you did for our country’s budget.

You’ve probably heard, but Madam President,

who is my wife on normal day, also runs a charity.

Yes, of course, I know that.

They’re here.

Jurek?

‘Sup! What are going to do today?

What will you do with the immense amount of gifts that are delivered to you?

How much do you make off charity work?

They say you’re only accept gold in bars.

Please, ask Mr President a question, I’m just his guest today.

So… How’s the country doing, Mr. President?

This Thursday the President

invited Polish media’s favourite celebrity to play tennis with him.

Jurek Kiler’s backhand is just as perfect

as are his charity-running skills.

Let’s all remember the huge donation

which resurrected the police force, orphanages, and cinematography…

This year Jurek donated to education, healthcare, and prison systems

and after the first set is still leading 2-1.

Game for Mr. Jurek Kiler. He leads 3-1 in the first set.

Good job, Jurek!

You’re doing well, Mr President.

Jurek Kiler’s Foundation.

I’m at the cargo and that dude won’t hand over the package.

Let me speak to him.

Kiler.

Not "that dude" but Waldek.

And not that he “won’t”, but “can’t”,

he’s been clearly told to only hand over the package to Jerzy Kiler

- in person only. - Don’t make this harder for me.

I can’t show up there in person,

because I have something important going on right now,

so I sent Ewa, my fiancée.

I’m only guarding your business, sir.

You come here in person, you’ll get your package! Mr Jerzy!

But Waldek!

It’s my dearest Ewa, not some crook.

I told you it’d be like this.

Kiler, finish that game quick and come.

Hurry up, it’s getting cold.

Thinner, am I really seeing this?

That’s Kiler!

The maker of my humiliation, the one upon whom I swore vengeance…

- We’ve been rotting in here for a year… - I’m just here for companionship.

And what is he doing?

Playing tennis with the President.

That’s a happy coincidence. We have to get rid of him.

Jesus Christ… Whom?

Kiler.

Is this live?

The President is always live.

Thinner, you were supposed to hire the Coyote from abroad,

the Hyena or something, what’s he called…

- The Jackal. - The Jackal. Where is he?

I posted an offer and now I’m waiting.

Really, Thinner?

You think the Jackal has nothing better to do?

He has orders piled up until 2008, like Penderecki!

We got to overpay, overbuy, buy out!

I said, Stefan, that I am waiting,

because in 30 minutes a plane is landing with the Jackal aboard.

Thinner… you goddamn done impressed me just now!

How long left in the match?

- They’re in the first set. - That’s a fantastic coincidence.

Go to the airport, and have the Jackal…

Oh, he’ll know what he’s to do!

- What is that? - Kill ‘im, you know! Kill ‘im!

I am Shah-Al from Africa.

Are you Mr Jackal?

Yes, I am Shah-Al. I love Bolanda.

If that’s the case, let me take you to my car.

Oh no, I am sorry. There has been a mistake.

I’m sorry.

Hello, hello! Good morning!

Are you Mr Sharan?

Mr Jackal!

Welcome to Warsaw!

- You want Interpol on our butts? - What? No!

Hide the fuckin’ sign then.

- You speak amazing Polish. - What did you fuckin’ think?

You think a Pole can’t make it in the big world?

Such Walduś, Unabomber?

I’m Thinner.

It shows.

You can’t park here. You better leave.

Mr President probably didn’t expect for the match to take this long,

and he will be running late to EU15 meeting

that has been planned for months.

Let’s get back to the game.

He only has 15 seconds of his pathetic life left.

He’s been hurt! Quickly!

The president is hurt!

- Don’t leave the area! - Get an ambulance!

It’s hard to believe, but in the 5th set

we bore witness to the first assassination attempt

on the President of the 3rd Polish Republic.

From the courts of the President’s residence,

Zdzisław Ambroziak - signing off.

How beautiful you are, my love, and how you delight me!

Our bed is the greensward.

The beams of our house are cedar trees, its panelling the cypress.

- I hear my love. See how he comes! - Commissary…!

leaping on the mountains, bounding over the hills!

My love is like a gazelle,

like a young stag.

Take her away.

Do you recognise me, Fish?

It’s me, Zenek!

I charge you, daughters of Jerusalem,

by all gazelles and wild does,

do not rouse,

do not wake my beloved before she pleases.

She pleases or not, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Get up, Fish! Your country needs you.

For what?

The city is safe.

There’s been an assassination attempt on the president.

- Successful? - Luckily, no.

But you need to find out who did it. I’m retiring soon.

I was thinking… After that, you could take my place.

That depends on you catching that assassin.

No problem, Zenek.

How did it happen?

The president was playing tennis.

- With whom? - Take a wild guess.

With Kiler!

And then you aimed the ball straight for the president.

I was not aiming for him.

- No? Then who? - Well… for his side of the court.

Coincidentally, the one he was standing on, huh?

Coincidentally, those are the rules of tennis, yes.

Why tennis, exactly?

That was the president’s own idea.

So how did it happen? Start at the beginning.

- Maybe some cognac? - Thanks.

I tried to shoot…

I’m glad you’re not pretending to be innocent, Jurek.

So it was an assassination attempt!

No, I meant a shot with my racket.

As in a serve, with my arm.

What was your goal?

To gain as many points as possible.

What were the points for?

For winning the match.

What was the match for?

Do you lack popularity, success? Come on, Kiler…

You’re not suspecting me, are you, Mr Jerzy?

No, why?

- Are you okay? - Why wouldn’t I be?

- There was an assassination attempt! - On the president.

- But you were right there. - Only as a guest.

Jurek!

Now we’re talking!

There’s Mr Jerzy… What’s up…

And there’s the package! Here.

- Is that… all of it? - That’s right.

And this, Waldek, is what you were stopping my girlfriend fiancée

from receiving in my place?

There are rules I simply cannot break, Jerzy.

It says, “hand delivered”, doesn’t it?

So hand delivered it will be.

You call me during an important match with the president,

if it wasn’t for that assassination, I would have lost!

I had no other choice!

You don’t show up personally, I won’t hand out the package.

Let’s make a deal then.

I don’t have the time to come here for every stupid package.

and this week I’m expecting some more serious charity packages.

So, when they’re piled up to here…

Give me a call and I’ll show up here on Saturday.

Saturday!

For me every single bar is worth its weight in gold.

- And just as important. - Thanks, see you.

Take it away.

Where do you want to put it?

Where, indeed… What’s over there?

- A junkyard. - Take it there.

- You're joking. - You're asking stupid questions!

I’m new here. Jasna Street?

Move your feet to Jasna Street!

Senator Lipski, were you ever humiliated while in prison?

How did you manage to get released so quickly?

Senator’s early release is motivated by his need to be with his family

during the approaching holidays.

But Easter has already ended, and Christmas is in 6 months!

The senator spends a lot of holidays with his family,

his wedding anniversary, his daughter’s wedding…

That’s a bit of a stretch.

The senator can surely find a good holiday to spend with his family.

We need to make sure the senator stays in touch with his close ones.

And what did you do, Thinner?

Who did you bring me?

This is the amazing Jackal that I’m spending a fortune on?

- That’s the top dog? - You must give him credit,

mister Jackal jumped straight into the action right after landing.

He didn’t eat. Didn’t even wash his hands.

Stefan, I have something important to tell you.

What’s more important than my money?!

He’s more of a Jackass than a Jackal if he even can’t kill ‘im!

You must admit he infiltrated the security like a real pro.

The bomb placement was perfect, too.

But that’s not what I wanted to tell you!

So what went wrong that I got kicked in the dong?

We got unlucky, Stefan.

The Jackal isn’t leaving until he doesn’t “kill ‘im”.

Decide, fries or puree, I have news!

Puree. What news?

Lipski is out of jail.

When?

I passed him in the gate when I was bringing you dinner.

And you’re only telling me this now?

Call the warden, the Mieczysław guy!

- Ewunia, what’s going on here? - We wanted to surprise you.

In the name of those

who have been so graciously supported by Mr Kiler,

we wish to extend our gratitude

and present you with a memorial killer.

A memorial pillar.

Thank you my old…

friend.

- I wonder what it will be? - Me too.

Careful!

I’m letting go.

Of course, this time you had nothing to do with it, either.

Of course not!

So the pillar fell over on its own.

Yes. And my girlfriend Ewa even suspects

that these assassination attempts are aimed at me!

An assassination attempt? On you? A pillar falls over on you,

and the general needs to be hospitalised.

An explosion at the courts aimed at you,

and the president is hospitalised.

I’m very sorry. I’ll pay a visit to both.

I even set a reminder in my phone!

Kiler, Kiler!

You can sell this kind of bullshit to Honeyman,

not the brave and charismatic DCI F.,

who is getting very close to well-deserved retirement.

You’re the target,

but it's the prime minister taht asks for the police’s protection.

And so is the Primate Cardinal. And so is the Sejm Marshal.

And so it the President of the Association of Polish Filmmakers.

Look at how many requests I have to deal with!

I would also like to ask for your protection.

You?

Protected?

You will be.

The best of the best.

What, Sharan? Don’t want to get off your ass?

You know where to find me if you want anything.

I’m all busted up, mister director warden sir,

I can’t move an inch.

I can’t get up, and on top of that I’m absolutely devastated

and distraught.

What happened, Sharan?

What caused this depressive mood of yours?

It’s all because of you, mister warden director Mieczysław.

Me? How could that be?

You let my greatest enemy go out into the free world.

- Ferdynand. - Senator Lipski?

He needs to spend the holidays with his family.

What am I, a stick? Not enough holidays for me, huh?

Lipski’s daughter is getting married.

On top of that he was never convicted, and you, Sharan,

we know very well! 11, 12…

It’s not my fault that the police are obsessed with me.

Real criminals are still out there, and me…

I can’t even heal my back properly like this.

In that case you’re welcome to visit

our freshly restored Hospital Wing, thanks to Mr Kiler’s kind donation.

Let me out, man!

How could I do that, Sharan? Even if I wanted to.

And I do!

What’s stopping you, then?

What if there’s an inspection and they start counting?

- Thinner! Are we ready? - Ready.

Could you close your eyes for a second?

- Why? What for? - Just for a second.

Well, alright.

Great.

Wait, wait…

Okay!

He’s even strikingly similar to you.

For an inexperienced prison worker.

I do see the subtle differences between you two.

That’s because you’re the absolute leader of wardens!

A controller would never be able to tell the difference.

Well, I don’t know about this…

Which one is which, then?

You’re Sharan.

Okay, a point for you.

Let’s try again. Close your eyes!

Alright!

- Ready? - No, wait…

Now!

You’re Sharan.

- No. - No? Who are you, then?

Rewiński.

Uh-uh.

See? I was right.

No, no! We’re even points now. Third time’s the charm.

I’m closing my eyes again. Okay!

- Ready? - Ready.

- Where’s the other one? - He had to leave.

- Who are you? - Sharan.

- Sharan? - Sharan.

Well, it’s your choice. I don’t really care.

You do know Sharan still has a year and a half left in his sentence?

Don’t worry, he told me.

We just agreed that I’d get to go with Władek to Jurata

in August for two weeks.

Open it.

Is Mietek around?

Mietek the Breath-taker, cel number 6.

Mietek! I mean warden Klonisz!

- He’s having dinner. - In his office?

At the canteen. Part of the inmate integration program.

Welcome, welcome!

Mister Kiler, DCI Fish! Do you want to eat something?

I don’t enjoy the taste of shit.

Really? You know this rye soup was made by Sheraton?

The plate is ugly just to camouflage it.

Oh, really...? What will you have for main course?

Pan-fried ceps, chateaubriand…

You want a sip of Guinness?

It’s very similar to coffee, if you take the froth away.

And for dessert I’ll have coffee and tiramisu,

but I’ll eat it in my office.

Damn, I should have pushed for a menu like that, too.

You should!

How can I help you?

Look…

We need to ensure Mr Kiler’s security.

What you mean? I don't get it.

I want him to stay here for a while.

You want to put Mr Kiler behind bars?

Not “behind bars” per say… Ensure his security,

food, safety…

From the assassination attempts.

Jail him? Without a sentence? That’s against the law!

That’s simply impossible.

The rules are there for a reason.

If that’s the case, then how come you let criminals walk,

the same criminals I put away, risking my life?

Whom are you referring to?

- Lipski. - His daughter is getting married.

But Sharan’s here. Let me show you. There he is!

He’s eating custard with raspberry syrup.

You let criminals go, and you don’t want to adopt Kiler?

Even as old friends?

Listen, Fish.

If you want Mr Kiler in jail, then have him proven guilty.

Don’t try to manipulate me, talking of security…!

Do you know how much a single-night stays cost here?!

The price is comparable with 4-star hotels.

- Especially after we’ve renovated. - So, you won’t take him in?

Firstly, he did nothing I can jail him for,

and secondly… he did nothing I can jail him for!

- So what, I’m still in danger? - You saw how hard I tried.

Let’s go. We’re clearly not wanted here.

Who are you?

Stefan "Sharan" Siarzewski. A gangster.

Sharan my ass! I know Sharan!

Hey, Mietek! That thing’s not Sharan!

No? Then who?

What’s going on here? You let him go, too?

Oh, come on!

Alright. Gentlemen, what are we having?

- What is this? - Some shit!

Do you know what Sheraton is? No?

It’s an American Hotel. Your warden here, Mietek,

is eating a rye soup that was cooked in Sheraton.

Do you know what he’ll have for the main course?

Some "chateau" with fried caps,

and then drinks a Guinness to top it off.

Do you know what a Guinness is? Of course you do!

I was only joking around!

See you! Bye, Mietek!

Let’s get outta here!

It was just a joke!

What are you doing? Chow your share!

- Move along! Scram! - Hey, no fighting!

Break this up!

As a pragmatist and a realist

I put my business above whatever personal scores I have to settle.

That’s why I let you live, Sharan. Even though I shouldn’t have.

And here I am, inviting you for lunch and offering cooperation.

In the name of the “Sharan” Siarzewski’s family,

I wish to assure you right here and now

that the friendly gesture is appreciated,

and from now you’re my ex-enemy,

because starting today our common enemy

is my ex-friend, Georgie Kiler.

Shut the fuck up, Sharan, just listen.

Where are his manners?

Meet my mole. I had him infiltrate Kiler’s charity.

Next Saturday at 11 A.M.

Jerzy Kiler will be at cargo,

picking up charity gifts from 72 countries.

All in all, 3 tonnes of gold bars.

I will be personally responsible for its transport from Okęcie airport

to the Finance Support Bank at Jasna Street.

Thank you.

My plan is to take all that gold from Kiler.

- It has always been my plan, too. - But I know how to make it reality.

I wonder! Since he’s the only one who can pick it up.

And he’s our common enemy! If he were our friend, then…!

Don’t even worry about that. I told you I had a plan,

but for it to work you must call off the Jackal.

Call him off?

How did you know I even called him on?

Thinner, how does he know about the Jackal?

- Sandwich? - It doesn’t matter how I know.

All that matters now is stopping him. At least until Saturday.

But nobody can stop the Jackal!

Because his cell-phone is off.

Then make sure he turns it on!

And just so we’re 100% clear on everything:

how are we going to split the loot?

That’s simple.

The idea is mine – that’s one. Execution is mine – that’s two.

I spared your life – that’s three. You’re only stopping the Jackal.

But that’s the hardest part!

That’s why we’ll do it like this:

Three bars for me, one for you.

Three bars for me, one for you.

Three bars for me, one for you.

If you manage to stop the Jackal, that is.

That actor is here. The one that’s also a director.

- You know? - Did he schedule a meeting?

Months ago.

But why do we even… Alright, let him in.

- Welcome. - Hello! May we come in?

- I’m Olaf Lubaszenko. - I know you from TV!

- Really? - I’m Al... Dona!

Call me Dona, it’s short and fuckin’ awesome!

I thought I’d give you a little something.

- I don’t smoke. - But it’s a golden cigarette case.

He fucking took it from the old man’s drawer.

Dona…

- I can’t accept this, then. - My old man’s!

Aldona has a very specific sense of humour.

We bought it in Desa. For our Mr Jerzy.

„For F.L.” What does that stand for?

F.L.…

F.L.…

Uh... FI-lantropy... Lover!

Don’t accept it. We don’t know who does it really belong to.

My father has a ton of them.

Since it’s a cigarette case, then the only thing I can do with it

is donate it to the fund fighting addiction.

How can I help you?

I’d like to make a movie.

A movie? You? What about?

Shut the hell up, Dona, won’t you!

It’s meant to be a movie based on your own biography, Mr Jerzy.

I’d be the one directing it.

I would also cast myself in the main role of Jerzy Kiler.

You, playing Mr Kiler? More like Mr Bean.

Excuse me.

You wanted to be my assistant, you came here to assist me!

I came here only to meet Mr Kiler.

- I’m crazy about you! - Really?

Would you like something to drink?

My Grandma’s tincture?

She’s clearly already drank enough!

- You’re here to assist me! - I’m only here to meet Mr Olaf.

An actor-director… I’m crazy about you.

- I’m dazzled by your striking beauty. - So what’s the deal with that movie?

Let me tell you.

He wants you to give him 30 full millions.

What are you speaking for if you’re talking nonsense?

35 to 40 full millions.

I already donated money to cinematography.

I’m aware.

They built 11 centres for creative work and made 5 films.

That many?

That means they’ll fund the next ones?

Unfortunately…

They turned out to all be absolute suck-fest.

How do I know your movie doesn’t turn out to be

absolute fuck-sest, too?

None! Zero guarantee.

Better to throw the money in the trash.

You know what? Get out of here.

You get out of here, you loser, you fraud, you!

Go, or I’ll…!

Thank you very much for dropping by.

Unfortunately, Mr Kiler only admits funds

to those who are really need them.

See?

But we really do need them!

Let me show you how I’d portray you.

You’re talking to me?

Fuck!

That’s all the time Mr Kiler had. Thank you for coming.

Here’s my number, in case you need a woman or something.

So, I take it we’ll be in touch?

I mean, you never said no!

Bye.

- What? - You stupid bald-head, you!

What, what?

What do you need her phone for?

I don’t. I’m throwing it away.

Right now.

Where are you taking that? You’re leaving?

I’ll throw the trash away on my way home.

Yes?

I’m Jackal.

What do you need?

Not much. Only a silencer.

Who sent you?

Fate. Also known as Sharan.

Ici Chacal.

- Who? - The Jackal.

Hey, Jackal. I’m glad you called,

you see, because I’ve made slight changes to our contract.

The contract I’ve just carried out?

Yeah, the one… You what? What do you mean, you carried it out?

What did you do?

Kiler’s dead.

He’s dead?!

You mean you killed ‘im?!

- As per our agreement. - Yeah, but…!

I was just about to prepare an annex for that agreement!

And the annex is, “don’t kill ‘im”!

Why would you turn your cell phone off?

Kiler is lying under his desk with two bullets in his heart.

Turn your fax on. Time for the last part of my payment.

See how stupid you are, Sharan?

You killed the goose that laid golden eggs.

See what you did, Thinner?

You ripped off that goose’s golden balls.

What? I didn’t do any…!

Luckily, Sharan, some of us here actually own working brains,

and have foreseen the high possibility

of you fucking the easiest of shits up.

That’s why when I was away, my lawyer, Mr Celejewski,

went through the trouble of preparing a backup crew.

We looked high and low for a Kiler look-alike.

Here are the results of last year’s work.

And here’s some intel.

It came with yesterday’s post. Here.

A Cuban by birth, settled in Buenos Aires,

a leader of Death Squads in Nicaragua,

nothing left for him back home.

Hoping to find a calm place to settle down in in Europe.

Jose Arcadio Morales. He’s a colonel.

Goddamn. He looks like his clone.

Here’s my plan:

instead of that other Kiler, our common enemy,

we put this one, our common friend, in his place.

Because we don’t need two Kilers. Do you like it?

That’s my plan, Sharan.

So we both thought of the same plan. Then…

one bar – for Mr Lipski, one – for Mr Sharan.

One bar – for Mr Lipski, and one – for Mr Sharan…

and we do this until they run out.

Four bars – Mr Lipski, one bar – Sharan.

Why so unfairly?

Idea - mine, execution - mine,

Morales - mine, I spared your life – that’s 4.

You’ll get one bar, but only

if you take care of Morales when he arrives.

Let him come.

You’ll welcome him, take him to your place…

Why not yours?

I have a nymphomaniac daughter, and I’m trying to marry her off!

That’s why they let me out!

I have a wife who beds anyone she sees!

That’s why he’ll stay with you!

Jurek Kiler’s Charity, Jurek speaking.

What happened?

Hang in there! You’ll make it!

- I’m calling an ambulance! - Ewunia…

It was the Jackal.

He introduced himself, and then he murdered me.

It’ll be okay.

I’m weak, I can’t breathe! I’m losing blood!

Jurek?

This is your Grandma’s tincture!

I thought it was blood!

- I’m so glad he missed. - He didn’t! He hit me twice.

Take the bullet out. With this.

The whiskey is in the drawer, use it like doctor Quinn.

I’ll just use my fingers.

Here.

Your bullets.

- It was supposed to be chestnut. - Isn’t it?

That’s “Kongo Black”.

Once it dries, it’ll be “Variselli’s Horse’s Chestnut”.

I think you should grow a moustache.

And those, what do you call them…

- Sidies? - Precisely.

We’re not going to wait for them to come up,

we’ll just stick them on whenever you go out.

I have to go out right now!

- Where to? - To Sharan. Talk it all out.

I need to explain. It simply can’t be that he sent a Jackal to off me!

- I was saved only by a miracle. - I’m going to the police.

Are you insane? Fish still thinks I’m the killer.

I have to talk to Sharan. He’ll understand. Because he likes me.

But you can’t go anywhere! You should lay low for some time.

But I’m not even tired.

I mean… You must hide, wait out the danger.

Jerzy Kiler does not hide.

Watch the road, you penis!

Penis? I’ve never been called that before.

Dona? I mean… Miss Dona?

- “Penis”? That’s simply incorrect. - “Stupid cunt”, maybe.

That’s more suitable.

Watch the road, stupid c...-c- can you be careful…

- I could’ve killed you! - You're the killer!

By accident.

I’m only here because I have a package for you.

- It’s very important. - For me?

How did you know where I live?

Your address was written here.

Aldona Lipska and Jerzy Kiler have the honour

of inviting you to their wedding on the 12th of July at 1:30 P.M.

Thank you for remembering. But that’s a Saturday I can’t do.

I need to pick up a very important package of charity gifts.

That’s happening at 11 A.M. Our wedding is at 1.30 P.M.!

Our wedding?

Weren’t you dating that actor-director guy?

I hadn’t met you back then.

I broke up with Olaf, though our wedding date was set,

and I thought that instead of postponing it,

I should just switch the grooms! Do you know how hard it was to book it?

Well, I get it, but… girl!

I have a girlfriend, Ewa. A woman.

And I don’t know if I’ll live ‘til tomorrow,

- they keep trying to murder me. - So what?

They killed me once already. Everyone thinks I’m dead.

I can’t live like this.

Then start a new life with me.

I guarantee you’ll be safe and happy as a clam!

Why “as a clam”? I need to hide, lay low!

- I’m a fugitive! - I’ll find you a place to hide,

but now I must deliver these invitations to our guests!

There’ll be so many guests!

I took your bullet out like doctor Quinn,

and you’re sucking some random cyclist’s face off in the street?!

Ewa, dearest! Why so drastic?

That was my first and last warning to you.

One more fiasco like this and we’re over, Kiler.

Over!

I’m sorry, Jackal, I’m bothered by a single question.

- Shoot. - How does it feel?

How does it feel to be a contract killer?

What do you feel when you kill?

I feel like I just drank a glass of a good wine.

And what? Nothing?

No guilt? No dark thoughts keeping you up at night?

No ghosts? Spirits?

I can’t allow myself all that.

That would be my unprofessional end.

In my line of work, we call it…

…the syndrome of Banquo’s ghost.

You see apparitions.

What does a "Bank O" have to do with it?

Banquo was Macbeth’s buddy.

And that Macbeth… he also "killed ‘im", that Banquo.

And since then he started appearing to Macbeth

in the most awkward situations.

That’s very interesting. What happened next?

Macbeth went crazy from seeing him.

Many professional killers have stopped working because of that.

What if it happens to you, too, Jackal?

I would have to change my life entirely,

the life that I find quite satisfactory…

Besides, of course, my charity work for Greenpeace.

- Could you ever stop killing? - It’s hard to imagine.

But if I did…

I feel as if I could never make it without religion.

The fucking Eagle has landed!

And the fucking masterplan goes with him.

Stefan, he’s still moving!

Hello! Over here!

Hola!

Hello! Over here!

Alto stop!

Hey! Hello!

Friend! Friend! Sharan!

This is a friend, too, friend Thinner!

Nicht schießen! Friend!

Buenos días, seńor Sharran!

Buenos Aires!

Soy el coronel Morales.

Se... I corronel Sharran!

Welcome to Pyrry!

You better tell him we have a car over there.

Car, car! Come, come! Come with us.

Yo vengo preparado!

What is he doing?

Where’s he going with that guitarra?

Oi!

Vamonos!

What’s he doing?

Can he get there alone?

Did you give him the address?

What address, Stefan? Everything ad hoc?!

Go after him! Chase him!

Freaking… chase him!

Follow him, go, go, go!

Thank you very much.

Okęcie Airport, departures.

Take me to church.

Which one?

Whichever.

The closest one is Anglican.

Very well.

Mister postman! I’ve been waiting for you.

I’m here for Stefan, for Sharan.

Unfortunately, here’s not here, luckily.

I can accept anything you have, just… hurry up!

Come here, my carrier! Carry me!

Rysia, it’s me, Jurek.

I have a big problem on my hands. Because of Stefan.

Kiler?

You look amazing with those sidies.

Careful, I glued them on.

Lately Stefan has been causing me nothing but trouble.

Because he wants me dead.

Don’t worry, he’s been trying to kill me, too.

But we’ll get through this!

Wait a minute…

I wanted to kill you, too, for not killing Sharan.

I tried, but you know how it is.

I know. There’s still time.

Those sideburns, though!

I’m going crazy for them.

Let’s go upstairs. Make me lose my mind.

Put that faithful bag of yours away!

I’m just here to see Sharan… He’s not home, is he?

He’s busy scheming.

He’s been scheming non-stop lately. I’ll tell you everything.

Okay then.

Take the vodka and some glasses.

Wait. Forget the glasses. We’ll drink from the bottle.

It’ll be wonderful.

Hurry it up, Kiler! Before it gets dark.

The phone’s ringing!

It’s for you, you idiot! Pick up!

I’m answering it! Hallo?

I haven’t seen him for some time. He’s changed.

But positively, I think. He has sideburns now…

And stuff…

He came to me dressed as a postman, in a sexy jumpsuit…

…and an aerodynamic helmet, which really turned me on.

My husband wasn’t home, though he could be back at any moment.

I wanted him, even though I was furious with him,

because he has let me down before…

But I thought I’d give him one more chance.

Now I’m in my bedroom, taking my pantyhose off…

And he’s bringing vodka…

I’m taking off my leopard lingerie and waiting for him to tie me up,

and then we’ll…

Kiler! Where the hell are you?

- I’m here. - Take your clothes off.

He was shy and nervous at first.

But then I asked him to tie me up.

Tie me up!

Why would I, Rysiu? For what?

For fun. Tie me to the bed.

Done. What now?

Caress me!

I must admit, Thinner, I quite like that new Kiler of ours.

That’s it? That’s all you can muster?

I can still…

use this!

It’s Sharan! Hide, or he’ll kill you!

I’ve been waiting for you!

I got you Viagra.

- That's all you can think of. - ...said Mister Brainiac.

Me? I have 220 IQ. Not enough for you?

Get out of town! I’m so impressed…

I can tell you’re so... aroused!

Were you banging someone just now or what?

You’re the one with only one thing on your mind!

Am I? Then why are you all spread out like that?

Who tied you up?

I did. I was bored.

Untie me!

You managed to tie yourself up, you can untie yourself, too.

I have a very important foreign guest.

I need to take care of him.

Get dressed, you tart! Walking around naked with no shame!

Get up, you’ll wrinkle your pants. I’ll pick it up, just untie me.

I’m pretty sure you’re hiding someone from me.

If it wasn’t for that important foreign guest…

Is he handsome?

What matters is that thanks to him I’ll get the score of my life.

I’ll be taking all of Kiler’s gold this Saturday.

- What does he have to say to that? - He bits the dust.

That’s right. Instead of lounging around like a feline,

you could prepare some sandwiches for my important guest!

I’m so proud of you! My sweet thief, you!

You’re hiding someone for sure.

If my important guest wasn’t waiting downstairs, I’d kick his butt.

Donde esta el servicio?

The toilet?

- Shower! - Wait, wait!

Links, take a left!

Who was that?

That was my special guest.

I’m going to him, but I’ll be back.

- And then I’ll kick your guest’s butt. - Your guest looks just like Kiler!

He’s very similar! Only better, because he’s imported.

What are we going to do? I wanted to talk to him!

But in this ambiguous situation…! He thinks I’m dead.

And here I am, alive, and with his wife, is what he could think!

Untie me.

Sharan is coming! Into the toilet, go!

Where is he?

Who?

I found a postman’s bag and a bike downstairs.

That’s mine, you silly! It’s the latest trend.

And I ride the bike to lose some belly fat.

Who untied you then?

I did.

I tied myself up, so I untied myself, too.

Oh yeah? Let me show you something.

Gotcha, you son of a bitch!

- See? There’s no one there. - Gotcha, you son of a bitch!

Carra... o que pinches, pejo de mierda!

What’s going on here?

Silly me! He’s hiding in the john.

Excuse me.

Sorry, friend Morales.

Don’t let me bother you.

Come to us later, I want you to meet my wife.

Meine Frau.

Sorry, sorry.

Donde esta la toaleta?!

You’re so skittish!

Finish doing whatever you need to do, I won’t bother you anymore.

- Don’t kill him! - Quiet, you.

Meine Frau. Wife.

I’m Gabrysia. Siarzewska.

Mucho gusto.

Soi José Arcadio Morales.

Ciao, Jose.

Que linda mujer!

Her name isn’t Linda, it’s Gabrysia.

Go back in there, and stay as long as you need.

No one’s going to bother you anymore.

Que pinche país!

I’m here regarding Kiler.

I have nothing to do with that.

With what?

- His death. - His death?

I’m here to stop it from happening.

I’m afraid, Miss Ewa, that you overestimate my influence,

my abilities, my power.

I know…

that all of this was caused by that bumpkin Sharan.

But I believe that you, with your charisma and sophistication,

your intellect…

Miss Ewa, for you, I’d have him tortured,

that fu-… that thug Sharan,

I’d peck his kidneys out, like the vultures did with Prometheus.

His liver.

That too.

Speaking of. What are you doing tonight?

Tonight?

I usually spend my time off with Jurek Kiler.

That’s how it used to be, but what if starting now

the situation changed slightly, what if Jurek was busy,

unreachable, tired, or…

dead, would you consider having dinner with me?

In that case, of course. Hypothetically speaking.

Excuse me.

Yes?

What do you want? I’m busy.

You’re running away from home?

Did you take your keys?

I can’t meet you, I’m in an important meeting.

10 minutes?

Okay, then. Bye.

My only daughter. She’s running away from home.

She wants to see me. Would you like to accompany me?

Only if you promise that Kiler won’t be hurt any further.

Of course. I promise that starting today

he’s taking an eternal rest.

I mean, he can relax. In peace.

What do I get from that, though?

I’m writing a book.

It’s about Poland’s biggest philanthropists.

I’m saving a spot for a chapter about you.

Who else will appear in the book?

Only the greatest people.

Father Jankowski, Colonel Kukliński…

Andrzej Gołota…

How about it? Do we have a deal?

Kiler! Kiler!

Kiler!

Drop your bike, get in my car… we’re going to meet my father.

What father? Why father?

I have to introduce you. We’re getting married!

- We barely know each other! - Marriages like that are the best.

What are you saying! The best marriages are from love!

I love you, Kiler. Don’t you love me?

I don’t know yet, but I suspect,

that you’re simply a sex-addict.

I like men and I’m not ashamed of it.

And I love venerean mirth!

The only one relating to Venus is my dearest Ewa, and I’m faithful to her.

Do you know who your dearest Ewa is meeting with?

- Who? - She’s boning my father.

My dearest Ewunia? With your gross old man?

Don’t believe me?

You’ll see.

Wait a second.

- I’m glad we’re early. - Why?

You can hide in my back seat.

You want me to hide? No way.

I’m begging you, you don’t know what she’s capable of.

She’ll start telling her mother I’m cheating on her.

What good will that do?

Then why the hell did you make me come here?

It won’t take long.

After this I’ll take you out for lunch, to talk about your book.

What book?

- The one about Polish philanthropists. - I’m only doing it because of Kiler.

We schedule a 10-minute-long meeting, and you’re late seven?

Because my fiancé, I mean, my boyfriend, I hesitated 7 minutes.

You have 2,5 minutes left.

I’m getting married. You should know about this, Dad.

That’s what you called me here for?

You interrupted a very important conversation,

- about a book about me… - What book?

„The criminal life of Ferdynand Lipski”?

What did you say?

„The criminal life of Ferdynand Lipski”?

No, earlier. You’re getting married?

Just like that?

Wouldn’t it be proper to talk with your father about it first?

- That’s all the time I had. - You’re serious about that wedding?

That was only so I could get out of jail!

And now it’s a reason for me to get married.

For a wedding you need your father’s consent!

I’m 21, Dad.

- And him? How-… - 40, maybe less.

- …much money does he have? - I didn’t ask.

What do you talk about, then?

Love.

- How many years do you have in bank? - Don’t ask, don’t ask!

You have him back there! Show me, show me!

He’s not there, Father, but you know him.

That Lubaszenko guy? Over my dead body!

That guy’s old news since yesterday. It’s Kiler!

Kiler? That’s good, that’s alright.

Who’s in your back seat? Mr Kiler’s fiancée?

That’s ridiculous! There’s nobody there.

Oh, really?

I’ll tell mother on you! You’re gonna get it!

Banging hostesses in random hotels!

Banging, huh? Hotels, huh?

Didn’t I already agree to your wedding?

- Why are you in such a hurry? - I’m in a hurry?

I wanted to go get ice-cream with you, but you’re too busy!

Am I? For your information, I have loads of free time!

I’ll be right back, darling, I need to get ice-cream with my father.

- Lipski is your father? - That’s what my Mum says.

Why didn’t you tell me earlier?

Excuse me, but I need to hang out with my fucking daughter.

Ewunia!

Jurek!

What wedding?

She wants you now because you’re rich and famous?

- It’s all just a bunch of hooey. - Hooey, huh?!

Here I am, risking my life to save your life

and you’re off getting married to some sex-addict?!

She’s just hiding me.

What were you doing in that perv’s car, anyway?

I was chatting him up, risking my reputation.

Oh, really? Then why did he get so scared

when Dona mentioned her mother, his wife?

And why did Lipski agree to yours and Dona’s wedding?

- Because he thinks I’m dead! - You’ve crossed the line.

Do whatever you want. Get married to everyone but me.

You used to be different. I’m very disappointed in you. Bye.

Ewunia! Why so dramatic?

Good luck, Kiler.

It’s over between us. We’re done.

Really…!

...I em Jureh Kiler.

Here to pig up hold.

Hay que decir: pick up gold.

Pick up… Hood, hood.

Waldek, hey. I em Yureh Kiler.

Here to pick the hold.

What do you think?

In my opinion, to my mind,

there’s still some work to be done.

Some work to be done? Some, huh?

This is a sham.

Waldek is an extremely intelligent feller.

He won’t get fooled by this!

He’ll realise something’s off in a millisecond!

You listen to me, and you listen well!

First off: Waldek knows you.

You don’t have to introduce yourself. He knows you’re Jurek freaking Kiler.

If you keep repeating that you’re Kiler,

he’ll just realise that you’re NOT Kiler!

Here’s how it goes: this is Waldek.

Hey, Waldek! Here I am.

Hey, Baldek… Ere I am.

Get your damn hands off!

Go on!

Hi there, Jurek. You’re late 15 minutes.

Shut the fuck up, Thinner!

Shut the fockop, Dinner!

Gimme that gold, as everyone’s waiting at the bank.

And that’s it! Get in the car and go! Now, repeat.

Hey, Baldek… Ere-I-am. Het your damn hands off!

Hi there, Jurek, You’re late 15 minutes.

Himmi dat hold, ass ebryone sweating at zebank!

And sats it! Het insa car and ho! Now, repeat.

- Hood, hood? - Not hood.

We must figure something out, it's not gonna pass.

The colonel tells me he must kill.

The colonel says he’s a soldier, not a fucking comedian.

Good morning, what’s all that noise?

Hey, Kiler.

What’s bred in the bone, huh?

I am Yureh Kiler and I hat enuff!

You came here after all, Kiler.

I knew you would.

- DCI, sir, this isn’t Jurek Kiler. - No? Who is it, then?

It’s our friend from South America.

- “Our” friend? - My. My friend.

Mine and this translator’s.

- Hi there. - Hello.

And whose else?

Mr Sharan’s, I mean, Mr Siarzewski’s.

I’m actually here to talk to Mr Sharan, "I mean, Mr Siarzewski".

Where is he?

Mr Stefan Siarzewski, unjustly condemned, is currently in jail.

Is he now?

- You can check for yourself. - I already did.

That thing in there, that’s not “Sharan” Siarzewski.

And this IS Jurek Kiler. He just got a tan to try and fool me.

This is NOT Jurek Kiler, it’s our friend from South America.

I em Yureh Kiler!

This isn’t Jurek Kiler, it’s José Arcadio Morales.

A Cuban writer, essayist.

Essayist! Your essayist says himself that his name is Jurek Kiler!

But…

How is he saying it? Can’t you hear his accent?

No, I don’t hear anything.

He speaks very well.

If only you spoke Polish on his level, Thinner!

But Mr Siarzewski is unhappy with it.

- Where is he? - He’s up…

…up in jail. His cell is on the first floor.

Yes.

What’s the purpose of your visit to our country,

mister essayist?

Mr Morales has a series of lectures planned in De Cervantes’ High School.

Really?

How about I drop by to listen to your beautiful Castilian language,

Mr Morality!

If you like!

Yo soy un hombre sincero De donde crece la palma

Y antes de morirme quiero Cantar mis versos del alma

Guantanamera, guajira guantanamera!

My house is no free language class.

Lipski, why don’t you take over Morales for a while?

We had an agreement, Sharan.

You were supposed to provide him with food and accommodation.

I never said it was forever, only ‘til tomorrow.

He’s a really great guy. He sings, he dances, he cooks.

You mean you don’t want to take part in the score of this century?

No, I didn’t say that! It’s just…

Fish is haunting me, he’s onto us.

Yesterday I spent the whole day hidden in the attic.

That’s what your single gold bar out of four of mine will reward.

- That’s what’s been bothering me. - Stop crying about it, Sharan.

Tell me how the preparations are going.

It’s a no-go on the language front. But that’s something we can deal with,

when push comes to shove it’ll be tens across the board.

It’s over, Ferdynand. What are you staring at?

Who’s taking care of Morales now?

Well, Thinner, of course. And Fish, unfortunately.

What?

When he came and saw Morales, he immediately became suspicious.

He’s convinced it’s actually Kiler.

We told him he’s a Cuban essayist.

- He bought that? - I think he did, because Morales

started quoting Spanish poetry, since we also told Fish

that he has a series of lectures in that one Spanish high school.

They’re all over there now. Do you know how hard it was

to improvise a series of lectures during the holidays?

- Did I do well? - Very nice. What do you want?

I wanted to officially invite you to my wedding!

„Have the honour… with Jerzy Kiler…”

What… Kiler has the honour?

Sit down, darling…

I’m very happy about your marriage initiative,

I support it wholeheartedly. However… You see…

There have been certain unfortunate developments…

Stop beating around the bush! You have to be honest with your kids.

Miss, Kiler is dead, because he deserved it.

Maybe you would consider going back to Mr Lubaszenko in this situation?

That guy’s old news since yesterday.

I’ve already banged a metro conductor

a pizza delivery guy, and that…

Who?

That was just sex. Kiler is the love of my life.

But Kiler’s dead!

How can he be dead if I only just screwed him?

What?

Just joking! I screwed the stableman.

And Jurek is alive, and I’m going to see him now. Bye!

If what my sex-addicted daughter says is true,

then tomorrow at cargo zone we’ll have quite the situation on our hands.

How can he be alive? We both saw that picture from Jackal.

What if tomorrow both Kiler and Morales show up,

who do you think Waldek will give the gold to?

- I guess half to each. - Neither!

That’s why we must find Kiler, dead or alive,

- and it’s up to you. - Why is it up to me?!

You have to work for your bars of gold!

You’ll find Kiler, you’ll capture him and bring him to me.

You have time until 10 A.M.

Morales is supposed to be at the cargo at 11 A.M.

Damn that goddamn cargo!

You have to work for your insurance.

You’ll find him, capture him, and bring him to me.

But only until 10 A.M., because we have to be at cargo zone at 11.

I just had an idea regarding that, Stefan.

What did you let into my house, Thinner?

Out to the shore, mermaids!

- They’re no mermaids, Stefan. - Who are they, then?

We’re young wolves.

Fresh fish!

Best in town.

What can these “young wolves” even do?

Basically everything.

The name’s Radosław.

I specialise in extortion, ransom, and headbutt.

Mirosław. Assaults on commission, or no commission.

Methamphetamine. Production, distribution, masturbation.

And I’m Zbigniew.

Master of reckless driving of the Fiat Cinquecento model.

Go get dried, and after you do, find Kiler for me: dead or alive.

And you, assaulter, I advise to not test yourself around my wife.

Thank you, Ewunia. Aldonia.

Excuse me very much?

I’m sorry, but…

I still can’t quite get over the whole break-up.

Could you at least control yourself on the day of our wedding?

Stop it with the wedding already! A joke is only funny once!

Jurek! You’re so freaking funny.

- Coffee? - Sure thang!

You know what? My father was really surprised

when I told him you’re alive.

I think he thinks I’m just joking, but I’m not joking at all.

I must admit, that I live in constant danger.

3 days and 3 attempts on my life! And one of them was successful!

My average survival rate isn’t that good.

I live in fear greater than Salman Rushdie.

That’s where your father’s surprise came from.

Don’t you worry. You’re safe with me.

Where’s today’s Wyborcza, my Saturday’s newspaper?

On my way to pick it up, dearie! I was downstairs and I forgot to get it.

Such a silly sex-addict I am!

The food’s still warm. He has to be here somewhere.

If he’s not, then he’ll be back, because the food’s still warm.

I love my job.

My whole life I couldn’t decide who I want to be.

Now I do. A gangster!

And I am one, and it fits me greatly!

You’re no gangster.

I’m a gangster.

You’re a fuck-a-doodle-do, not a gangster.

You’re a fuck-a-doodle-do!

And you eat like a spastic pig!

- Stop fighting, girls! - You want it to go to waste?

It’s not that bad! Want a bite?

Stop pacing around, sit with me.

I’ll sit…

…whenever my reliable gangster instinct lets me…

I know he’s here.

- Not mine! - Neither mine.

And not mine.

They’re out of the Wyborcza, I’ll get the Rzeczpospolita!

Why are you calling me? Get whatever.

In the newest "Live Longer Magazine" there’s a piece on you, want to read it?

- I really don’t care… - I heard that you were dead.

Listen, I have to be leaving soon,

so I won’t be able to clean up after breakfast.

Call you later.

I still a bunch of things to take care of before the wedding.

- Kisses! - And to you, too!

Bye, bye! Too-da-loo!

Hi, guys.

- Do we know each other? - We know you.

Anything important, or were you just visiting?

Because today at 11 A.M. I have to be somewhere very important,

so I don’t have much time.

We’re here specifically so you don’t get to that place at 11 A.M.

- So this is an assault. - Exactly.

Look, boys…

They hire boys for escort agencies; we’re the Young Wolves.

It’s you! Listen here, Young Wolves...

…coming from an Old Wolf.

Before I became a philanthropist…

I was a killer for hire.

And I feel obligated to give you some good advice.

Hurry it up, though, it’s getting late.

In this line of work, there’s times you’re down in the suitcase,

and then you’re outside of it.

I was in the suitcase today, so you take the lead 1-0.

Get to the point!

Why do I mention it? Because of dignity.

Don’t humiliate your opponent. Do you understand that?

Excuse me…

Is a kick in the butt acceptable?

That’s a very good question.

And the answer is only one: absolutely not.

What about a powerful blow with an elbow to the mouth?

You may be tempted, but it is advised that you restrain yourself.

What about...

a kick in the balls?

It will come as great disappointment to you, gentlemen, but unfortunately no.

What in the fuck can we do if we can’t do anything?

The code of honour says so. What’s allowed is as follows:

a warning issued with eye-contact, a written reprimand,

and oral persuasion, up to and involving harsh rebuke.

We have 3 rebukes for you.

Get in that suitcase.

Did you forget what I said about dignity?

Shut your face!

Ah, yes, a classic form of oral persuasion.

And what category is taping your mouth shut in?

With a self-adhesive tape?

I see some of didn’t pay full attention to my lecture.

What time is it?

Remember me?

Now you will.

Hey there, Kiler! You’re quite early!

I know.

HEY, WALDEK! HERE FOR THE GOLD

Why aren’t you saying anything?

I AM VERY ILL LOST MY VOICE, GIVE ME GOLD

Calm your horses. It’s 3 whole tonnes.

I’m really curious what you’ll do with them!

UNFORTUNATELY, I CAN’T TALK. GIVE ME GOLD.

I can’t do it any quicker. The boys are loading it up.

Where are you going for holiday?

HEY WALDEK HERE FOR THE GOLD

You said that already! Do you think I’m stupid?

I’ll have you know I’m going to Spain.

It’s cheaper out of season.

Espana, que bien!

Flamenco!

When is Mr Kiler going to be here?

Very soon, Mr President.

I hope there won’t be any assassination attempts today.

Not today. Too hot.

What an interesting spatial suggestion.

- Who’s the author? - The Swiss.

Is it pure gold?

It was kind of pure in the morning, but these doves shit all over here!

I see.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Lipski?

What do you say we split the loot immediately?

We have to celebrate first! A feast! Everyone is invited!

- Sure, to poison us all. - Pardon?

To finish the whole Kiler situation.

Kiler’s been packed well, he’s not going anywhere.

Let’s go!

Here.

Mi guitarra!

Of course, a lunch without a guitarra is like Lipski with no Sharran!

Ewunia?

I’m so happy you’re here!

There’s people coming to lay the carpet,

I’m only here to let them in, but since you’re here already…

You can do that for me.

I need to go, there’s some trouble with the gold.

I have troubles with you, Kiler.

I’m only here to return my keys.

I explained the rest in the letter.

A letter for me? You wrote me a letter?

My love! I’ll read it and respond immediately!

“Dear Jurek!”

“I’m saddened to write this, but I feel increasingly

disappointed with your new image,

I don’t like your lifestyle choices,

the sudden interest in random women,

and especially your wedding at 1.30 P.M. today.”

Ewunia!

That’s a very superficial judgement.

I understand that you’ve written the letter under the influence of strong emotion.

But…!

It’s still me. Your Jurek the taxi-driver.

It’s me, Kiler!

You really think I’ll go to that wedding

and marry that sex-addict?

- What are the invitations for, then? - It’s that girl’s insane idea!

She has buddies at the Printing Technology college.

They print whatever they please and then they post it all over town.

Jurek, just stop!

- Stop lying to me. - Let me show you something.

Come.

You’ll see what a truck with 3 tonnes of gold in it looks like.

It costs 30 million dollars!

If you want a bar, I can get you one from downstairs.

I’m joking, the entirety of that shipment

will be transported to the Bank on Jasna street,

and then I’ll close the charity, and everything will be as it was.

What do you mean? You’re closing the charity?

Without it this country’s done for,

the public finance only exists thanks to your donations!

Why are you going downstairs while I’m speaking to you?

Mi guitarra!

Where are you?

Here or there?

There’s… two of you?

This is Morales. A look-alike. My enemy. I have to stop him.

Wait. Do you have a gun? Take a gun.

- They took it from me. - Take mine.

- It’s a fake, filled with blanks! - Then fake-shoot it!

El doble, bueno!

Morales.

Claro que si!

There’s the gold.

Was your dad randomly in Warsaw around 35 years ago?

Tengo que matar! I must hill the you!

Me? Your twin brother? Your blood?

Amigo Morales!

Morales! Amigo!

Jose Arcadio?

Claro que si.

Grazie, Amigo!

De nada.

Very well. We have full success.

Clean it up, but quick!

- Hurry it up! - What do you want to do with him?

Sit him down at the bus stop. the bus is coming, we’re good.

Wait, did you kill ‘im?

Kill him?

I was about to tell you, since we already have the gold,

- maybe you don’t need to kill ‘im. - Tengo que matar!

I must kill.

Well, if you must...

Alright, let’s go back to mine.

Breathe!

Something must have happened.

There’s always traffic on Łopuszańska and Niesiołowska Street.

You’ve accomplished grande trabajo,

a grand grande job well done, my friend Jose.

You deserve a grande suitcase de oro, of gold.

Thanks to you I can go back to my regular existence

as a merry gangster.

And it’ll be grande, too. And you’ll have it grande, with me!

You just have to learn Polish. It’s a beautiful language.

Kiler!

You’ve gotten over your petty conflict. Oh, am I glad!

You just never seem to get anything, ever.

This is my friend, José Arcadio Morales.

The great Cuban essayist, my newly-made friend.

Morales?

How do you know it’s not actually Kiler?

Because I saw with my own two eyes

when Mr Morales filled Mr Kiler with bullets.

The world’s not big enough for two Kilers.

My Jurek is dead…?

Your Jurek? You goddamn wench!

Go get dressed, you!

Stop waving your tits around my guest!

He’s a macho-man! A pure-blooded Latino man!

You killed him! You hog, you macho-murderer!

In your face. Stop being so goddamn noisy,

we’re getting our well-deserved rest after getting the score of the millennium!

Get the heck out of here!

Please, Arcadio.

Why would you turn your cell-phone off?

I was taking a bath, you tool.

Where is my gold?!

I have it in its entirety.

And I suggest we rethink our splitting rules.

Why would we do that?

Because, firstly, I have the gold.

Secondly, I’m taking care of Morales.

Thirdly, I killed Kiler once and for all.

That’s why we’ll do it like this: 3 bars mine, 1 for you.

Take me that damn storm away from here!

Well?

Alright!

I can agree to 50-50!

Because you killed Kiler too early, you destroyed my daughter’s life.

- They were to get married today. - Alright, let’s do it like this:

My Morales is identical, so I’ll give him to you

as Kiler’s replacement.

No one’s going to notice, especially not that equestrian of yours.

And then we go like this: 3 bars mine, 2 bars yours.

Alright! I agree: 3 to 2!

Take the gold, Morales, and I’ll see you in Church.

Alright. And which one… Hey!

Where are the freaking invites?

- Anything, Dad? - Don’t call me Dad

- when there’s people around. - Anything, Ferdynand?

Don’t get upset. They’ll be here soon.

Hang in there, buddy.

She’s a very cool Dona, that girl.

Your father-in-law has some criminal tendencies,

I wouldn’t trust him if I were you.

Good luck on your new path in life.

Juruś! Juruś!

Juruś, where did you go?

If on the day of our wedding you hurt me so,

what will you do later in life? Come on.

You go over there, I’ll wait here.

You’re not waiting anywhere.

I invited you to the wedding, so to the wedding you’ll come!

- As who? - As the groom’s father.

Father? The Godfather, maybe.

Dear Lord.

Where did you come from?

So beautiful…

Do you, Aldona Maria Lipska…

Excuse me, where did we lose the “Miss”?

But that’s how I have to say it.

Alright. I didn’t know. Continue.

Do you… Miss, Aldona Maria Lipska,

take this gentleman,

Jerzy Maria Kilar…

Kiler.

Is that your real name?

Alright, focus there, Father, everything’s written down, isn’t it.

…Kiler for your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold,

for better or worse, in sickness and health…

…until death do us part? I do.

Do you, Jerzy Maria Kiler,

take Aldona Maria Lipska to be your lawfully wedded wife,

to have and to hold, for better, for worse,

in sickness and in health, until death do you part?

He do.

But I have to hear it from you, sir.

No!

Unfortunately, my girlfriend Ewa is right.

Excuse me, everyone. I’m not ready to get married yet.

- I’m going to kill him. - First let’s split the gold.

What’s wrong with him?

When he came to, he drop-kicked me. I had to tase him.

Adelante!

- How do you know Spanish? - Out of fear.

Here you are, my dear.

Don’t worry.

You’re hesitating, don’t do this to me.

It’ll all be alright, you’ll see!

I will never swear again and I’ll stop being a sex-addict.

Well?

Come on. It’s rude to make everyone wait.

...to have and to hold, in health and in sickness,

until death do you part?

Si.

I hereby declare you husband and wife.

Wouldn’t you like to march with me like that?

You have a husband.

That’s why I need you to kill Sharan,

my current husband.

OK.

Well?

I forgot to fill up the tank.

You forgot to fill up before an operation?!

Your mistake just cost us 3 tonnes of gold!

You could’ve reminded me, but of course,

you had more important things to do, like getting married to Dona!

- I said “no”! - No, I said “no”!

In any case, our tank says “no”, too. And the gold truck says “no”, too!

Maybe we can hitch a ride? I have a canister.

Let’s hitch a ride, then?

Well, we’re not getting hitched, that’s for sure…

And there goes our split loot.

Don’t panic!

We can give them a bar and they’ll let us go.

Good morning, traffic police, I’m master sergeant Owczarek.

We didn’t go over the speed limit, did we?

- Why are you so sweaty? - It’s hot, sir!

You’re about to get hot!

Exit the vehicle, please.

- Surely, we can figure out an agreement. - I think so, too.

This could be the greatest day of your life!

- I wish! - Sharan! What is it?

- Are you trying to fuck me over again? - Why?

- Your Young Wolves are over there! - You’re right!

Radosław, Mirosław, Zbigniew.

What are you guys doing here, all dressed up? Get in the doghouse!

The doghouse, huh?

Your turn!

Get in!

You thought you can humiliate me endlessly without any consequences?

That I’ll always be your punching bag?

That I’ll let you push me around as you please?

Enough is enough!

I’m taking the gold and I’ll rule this city!

Well! Who’s the best now?

- Who’s the best, I ask! - You.

I think you mean “you, SIR!”

- I want to hear it! - Mr Thinner is THE BEST!

- And so is his mafia. - And his mafia is also the best.

And what does Sharan think of that?

Did the ceiling drop on your head, Thinner?

What does Sharan think of that?!

- Acknowledged. - What acknowledged?

Mr Thinner is the best.

- And his mafia? - That too.

That’s right!

Get in the doghouse.

Mr Thinner, I have a feeling the gold could be split very evenly

- between our 3 mafia forces. - You don’t know my spending habits.

Guide me, I’ll drive the gold truck.

Chase it!

Well? What was the show for, Thinner?

Freeze! Police!

Everyone’s in there, Inspector!

Sharan, Lipski and some dudes playing dress-up.

- Around 5 thoroughbred criminals. - Excuse me.

Four.

Get out of here!

Thank you, sergeant Owczarek.

- For the glory of our country, sir! - He was a plug?

That’s right! I’m a policeman!

- And I love my job! - Owczarek.

I’ll get you someday, Fish! You’ll see what I am capable of!

Where did you get so tough, Thinner?

I’ll see if I see.

What did you do? What was that?!

- That it’ll be okay! - That’s what I thought.

Put him in the car.

And those wolf cubs pretending to be policemen.

There are laws for that, Thinner.

3 mafias in one, Inspector.

“It takes two to tango…”

Fish here, calling for Aquarium.

Ewunia, do you need a ride?

That’s our truck!

Sure thang!

Where to?

We’re a bit late. They’re waiting for us at the bank.

You want to take it to them? 3 tonnes of gold?

What am I supposed to do with all this? Smelt it into medals?

You know what… This will be my last fare.

I don’t have a head for this whole philanthropy business.

Won’t they waste it, Jurek? Think about it.

We’ll figure something out.

Do you really think, my dear,

that we should keep on waiting like this?

Let us keep hoping.