Original subtitles

[drums tapping]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[dramatic music]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[waves roaring]

[water gurgling]

[water splashing]

[gentle music]

[pensive music]

[pensive music continues]

[pensive music continues]

[pensive music continues]

[pensive music continues]

[light big band music] [water whooshing]

[door thuds]

Some restaurant I got going here.

Two meals a night.

Just once can't you get home to eat with your family?

[Pearl] I don't know what to do with those two.

Norma's gonna end up beautiful. Like a movie star.

Nuts, just like your Aunt Doddy.

Wearing her stockings over her shoes.

And Bibby, I don't know what's gonna be with Bibby.

She don't sleep, she's big as a house.

Plus that weird smell she's got. You noticed?

Like bad cooking, it smells like.

Like from far away, like distant bad cooking.

I don't know. She scrubs, it's just her. [sighs]

What, Jack?

Shh.

- What are you doing? - Shh.

[gentle big band music]

What'd you lose at the track?

All of a sudden you want to dance?

* The sky fell down *

* When I met you *

[Pearl] You haven't danced with me in..

I don't think ever.

* The green of the countryside *

* Has turned to blue *

* I had the moon *

[Jack] Pearl.

* Right on my fingertips *

* And when first we kissed *

* There were stars on your lips *

* To be with you *

* Just made it seem *

[Jack] Oh.

* That walking on snowy clouds *

* Was not a dream *

* You gave to me *

* All this and heaven too *

* When the sky fell down *

[children gasping]

* and I *

[water whooshing] [dishes clattering]

Burned now. Just eat around that part.

[sirens wailing] [footsteps tapping]

[dishes clattering]

[traffic whooshing]

[radio chattering]

[Reporter] The second error of the ball game for the Mets.

And Clemente is on at first.

[Reporter] The Mets lost the last four games

on the road trip.

Now they've come home to Shea and they're losing--

Open a window. There's no air in here.

[Reporter] There'll be nine teams back in fourth place.

Ma, I didn't introduce you to Bill. He's a designer.

- [Bill] Nice to meet you. - Yeah.

What's he's taking the expressway?

We'll sit in traffic.

Tell him to take Grand Central.

No, you're way of out of your way on Grand Central.

This is only bad because of the water towers.

[Al] You're both crazy.

Swing around down to the Southern State.

He's gotta follow the coffin.

[Al] At least Jack was normal till he died.

Remember Uncle Manny with the tubes and the dribbling

and the making little animals with his cottage cheese.

[Pearl] Al.

Driver, you can let me out right here.

Six feet from the gates, you're gonna start this?

Leave her alone, Bibby. We'll pick you up afterwards.

[Bill] We're getting out?

[Bibby] She won't set foot in a cemetery.

[Norma] Excuse me.

[Bibby] Why don't we drop you off at the movies?

[Pearl] Bibby, stop.

[Bibby] Who you're supposed to be today, Norma?

[Al] She's Jackie Kennedy.

[Bill] No, she's Judy Garland

at the end of, "A Star Is Born."

[Pearl] All right, enough.

[car horn honking]

[people chattering]

- Al, can you give me a hand? - In a minute.

[Girl] When Jesus was crucified,

he was all blood and guts.

Three days later, he came back from the dead

out into the sun

and he saw his shadow on the ground

and that's how he knew it was Easter.

[Guest] Look at them. Would you look at them?

She brought a date, to her own father's funeral.

All class, my sister.

I know Pearl appreciates it. Thank you.

Your son-in-law was very loved.

I mean, what a turn out.

I counted 96 at the service and 51 at the cemetery.

[people chattering] [somber music]

What's that?

It's Jack's ring. Just for a while.

It's too tight, you'll never get it off.

You're gonna lose it.

[people chattering]

Grandpa Jack loved you very much.

[Pearl] You had something special.

And you're never gonna lose it. Remember that?

He didn't want you to be the only boy there

without a father.

I had to rub liniment on his back for a month.

When you were born, he's the only one

you'd let hold you without crying.

He used to say to me,

"I just hope I live long enough

to see what Swee' Pea becomes.

He's gonna be the one."

It's okay, Grandma.

Grandpa's still here.

With me.

That's right.

How is she?

If she just doesn't think about it too much

she's all right.

Of course.

Oh God.

Why you? Why him?

What are you gonna do now? You're all alone. [sobbing]

[people chattering]

You had enough for one day, I think.

Here.

Lie down.

I'll bring you in some soup and falafel.

We're not even?

If you call $2.20 short even? We're even.

[Freida] What $2.20?

[Becky] You don't remember about the canasta?

[Freida] All right, fine, I don't say a word.

I won at canasta. You couldn't get a hand.

As a matter of fact you ended up owing me 85 cents.

[Becky] I owe you?

You have a very creative way of looking at things.

Here, all right, 85 cents.

No. You don't remember?

I do, you wiped up the floor with me.

Here take your pound of flesh.

Forget it.

- Keep it. - Here! 85 cents.

- I said keep it. - Thank you.

[dramatic music]

Do you remember the smell Bibby had?

Oh, that was terrible.

Your mother asked everybody what to do.

I told her to rub some lemon juice on her.

And when they did she smelled like a filet.

[Lonnie] Swee' Pea, what are you doing to your arm?

You're gonna burst a blood vessel. You listening to me?

It's Grandpa.

He's made a force field all around me.

And now no matter what happens no harm can come to me.

[Swee' Pea] See, it doesn't hurt at all.

It's hardly even red.

Nothing hurts me.

I'm Superman.

[doorbell ringing]

Excuse me.

That hurt?

[people chattering] [doorbell ringing]

[gentle music]

You are Norma.

I am Joe Meledandri.

I am so sorry for your father.

Come in.

[Joe] Thank you.

[people chattering] [pensive music]

Excuse me.

I remember Jack told me once

I could have his Cuban cigars.

I could've sworn he kept 'em here.

Yeah, he had handkerchiefs I once admired.

I'm looking for Pearl.

- She's around. - Thank you.

Brock, Gibson, who can touch the Cardinals?

The Mets are a joke.

Kranepool's havin' a good year.

- Excuse me. - And Swoboda's the best!

Excuse me.

Look at her.

[Lonnie] She wouldn't come inside the cemetery.

She's not a well woman.

She dresses up like characters in movies.

I don't think she should be raising a child.

- Excuse me. - Here, you want a plate?

Lonnie, she lost a baby. That can make anyone crazy.

[Lonnie] Do you know she left the baby taking a nap?

When she came back he wasn't breathing.

Like that, one year old.

Next thing we know,

she's goin' to movies five nights a week.

It was very weird.

[Lonnie] I used to think her other kid Swee' Pea was normal.

Now he says he's Superman.

Where is Pearl?

- Pearl? - Yes.

[Lonnie] I think she's in the bedroom.

Thank you.

[pensive music]

[Pearl sniffling]

Who are you? You're looking for the bathroom?

Um, no, I just...

I have waited so long to meet you.

Joe Meledandri.

I knew your husband many years ago.

I'm so sorry.

- [sobbing] Thank you. - Please.

Please.

- Here. - Thank you.

"But those tears are pearls

which thy love sheds.

And they are rich.

[Joe] And ransom all ill deeds."

Not me.

Shakespeare. 34th sonnet.

Who's that?

She's crying.

You all right? I brought some soup.

I'm all right.

Who is this?

Excuse me. Joe Meledandri.

How do you do?

My sister's upset, Joe. She needs rest.

- Oh yes. - She'll feel better

when she's not prancing around this big apartment.

- Sure. Too many memories. - What? Where's she going?

We want her to come live near us in Florida.

You'll come too, ma.

- What? - I never said yes.

What do you mean? You wanna sit alone here.

Like a dog the rest of your life?

How come this is the first I hear of it?

- [Ruthie] What is she thinking? - You were always a sneak.

I'm not moving to Florida. Neither is mother.

Mother's in the room. She can make her own decisions.

I'm not moving to Florida.

All right, she doesn't have

to make up her mind this minute.

Why put it off?

I don't see that there's even a decision.

Don't bully me.

- Bully you? You heard this. - Sh!

Pearly, no one is bullying you.

[Pearl] What do you call it?

Never mind.

I don't need this aggravation.

I'm only trying to help. And now I'm a bully.

That's not what she said.

Excuse me.

I don't mean to be inappropriate but I would be very honored

if I can take you out for a coffee or a meal.

- Come again. - [Normy] What?

To talk.

I lost my wife not long ago

and I think I could be a good listener.

Mr. Meledandri, my sister's been through a great deal.

Now I'm sure you're intentions are very friendly.

But I don't think it's in the best taste--

Best taste?

She's not back five minutes from Jack's funeral.

Who are you?

Are you cousin's Minnie's kid, the gimp?

[Normy] Ma.

What? I didn't see him walk in.

Oh please.

[Normy] This is what you want to stay for?

It's a different world for you now, you're by yourself.

With an elderly lady and small children.

You don't have Jack here to protect you.

[Freida] He's right about that.

[Normy] Of course I am.

[overlapping chatter]

[Normy] All right, you'll see in Florida,

everything will be different.

[overlapping chatter]

[Freida] What would you say to this yutz?

- Yes. - [Normy] Huh?

[Freida] What?

I'd love to have coffee with you.

You're very kind.

Benissimo.

[Ruthie] She got picked up at her own husband's funeral.

Now I've seen everything.

[Guest] And who is that?

[Guest] I've never seen him before.

[Guest] I've seen him

on the Italian side of the boulevard.

[Guest] The Italian side?

What the hell were you doing on the Italian side?

[Guest] In two seconds flat.

Next time, under happier circumstances.

[Joe] Goodbye.

Goodbye.

[dramatic music]

Yeah!

He asked her out during daddy's Shiva.

I think that's bad luck.

That's the kinda thing you get

in a car accident on the way to the date.

Well it's not like she's going out on some hot date.

[Bibby] All right. Date, no date.

Look, she asked me to come by later to help

so I'll see you then, all right?

Bye.

* Then don't play with my heart it makes me furious *

* Oh but if you want me to love you *

* Then baby I will *

* Girl, you know I will *

"You can't mourn forever."

Ah.

[pensive music]

[dramatic music]

Don't turn that off.

Your breakfast is getting cold.

Swee' Pea.

Grandpa's here with me.

He needs me for something.

He needs you to stop acting so weird all of a sudden

and eat your breakfast.

As long as he's watching, no harm can come to me.

No harm can come to you?

I know you get that from reading those comics.

And when I was 12, I had a little man named Skippy

that lived behind my tongue and told me

to cut my sister's hair off in her sleep.

Now eat.

* Can't you wonder how I *

[Normy] Bibby!

- What? - Hurry up already.

She's driving me crazy up here.

I am waiting for the signs to change.

It's 5:28.

* It took me by surprise *

[car horn honking]

* And I found out *

[doors clicking]

[doors thudding]

[Bibby] What's with her hair?

[Norma] Not enough height.

[Bibby] She's a lightning rod.

Any higher she could trip birds.

She needs a lot of height to balance her hips.

She could balance Dumbo's hips. She's six foot seven.

We'll dress the rest of you down to make up for the hair.

You got some nice plain earrings?

Perfect.

She should take fashion tips from you? [scoffs]

How are you doing?

She's just a little bit nervous about her date.

It's not a date. It's coffee.

And I, I got nothing else clean.

[Bibby] I don't know

what she's gotta see this guy for anyway so soon.

Two weeks after daddy's gone. It's weird.

And what's the worst that'll happen?

Somebody might have a good time.

Oh, meaning what? I don't like to have a good time?

I don't like other people to have a good time?

[doorbell ringing]

- Perfect. - You look great.

You look like you've been pickin' through garbage.

I came straight from work.

[doorbell ringing]

I thought you might need my help.

Will somebody get the door?

[bright music]

[gentle music]

Bella.

Bella.

[Joe] It means beautiful, beautiful.

[Pearl] So you want to go already?

Yes.

Please.

[bright music]

Ah.

[dramatic music]

Oh, please, please.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music continues]

You are very lucky to have such nice, gentle children.

They get it from you.

President Hoover said,

"Children are the most valuable natural resource."

Uh-hmm.

My mother Freida Melsa says,

"Better you should have chickens.

At least chickens you can eat when you're hungry."

Your daughters, are they married?

Divorced.

Both of them.

That's too bad.

No. They'll find the right person.

Every deckle has a tepele.

What?

Every pot has a cover.

- Ah. - They'll find theirs.

- Hi there. - Hello there.

[dramatic music continues]

So how far we walking? My lungs are in my throat.

I want to take you some place special.

- In Queens? - Uh-huh.

Hey, Joe, remember me?

- Oh, hello. - Theresa.

[Theresa speaking in Italian]

[Joe speaking in Italian]

[Theresa speaking in Italian]

Look, I know, I said, I'll have coffee and talk

but that was just to shut my mother up.

I really don't have time for a hike.

"We are condemned to kill time,

and so we die, bit by bit."

Octavio Paz. Please.

That's a cheerful thought.

Since we're dying, could I do it in some comfortable shoes?

Why don't I go on home,

and you can say hi to rest of the neighborhood?

[Joe] Here we are.

It's a bar.

I don't get coffee in a bar.

This is where I met your husband. Please.

[Pearl sighs]

- Hey, Joe. - Hey.

[Paolo] Joe.

Please.

They know you here.

[laughs] My brother, Paolo.

Many years ago he was the bartender.

And I was the cook. Now he owns the place.

There are so many things I did since I left Italy.

Merchant seaman, school teacher.

I even played the accordion professionally

in Catskill Mountains.

You teach kids with that accent?

Paolo, he was born in America.

It is him who gives me news of you and your family.

[Pearl] Well look, what about Jack?

You said you met him in here.

Jack didn't drink.

- Fine. - Hold on.

He came in one night. He was in trouble.

In trouble?

He was in trouble with himself.

Oh.

Let me do it in my own way, please.

[laughs] Your way I could miss Johnny Carson.

He told me he was going to run away.

Leave just a note, a few dollars and disappear.

[pensive music]

You want to save your marriage?

What? By learning to dance?

To dance is to breathe new life into an empty heart.

I can't.

I'm leaving her this and I'm walking out the door.

[Joe] He was so upset. Full of love.

Doing what he thought was the right thing.

But then he told me about his wife.

And when he did that, he became a poet.

He talked about a, a jewel full of fire

that had turned into a pair of big, wet eyes.

And no non-sense get it done hence.

In the middle of Sunnyside

there was a damsel in distress.

And no knight to save her.

This is crazy.

[Joe] So I said, "It's not too late.

Go home and dance with her."

Dance with her? I can't even talk with her.

This is ridiculous.

You don't know her, you don't know me.

This woman you describe I never met her

but I'm sure I'm right.

Why do you talk so crazy? She'd laugh.

No. You know what she'd do?

She'd turn around to the stove

and bury herself in her cooking.

[gentle music]

Not if you take her hand like this.

Pull her.

Press her cheek to yours and...

* The sky fell down *

* When I met you *

* The green of the countryside *

* Has turned to blue *

* I had the moon *

[Joe] Then, I stood beneath your window pane

when he took you in his arms like a pearl.

I saw it all.

You are not a woman destroyed.

I saw a woman haunted by the ghost of her own grace.

And I fell hopelessly and pointlessly in love.

[pensive music]

[engine rumbling] [young people shouting]

[car horn distantly blaring]

And now for 23 years

I was haunted by this vision of you,

dancing in the wrong man's arms.

[pensive music]

I have to go.

No, please, wait.

[Pearl] I can't stay.

[dramatic music]

[car horn honking]

[people chattering]

[Freida] My whole life I don't remember a day

when I could stay in bed till 2:30 and get away with it.

Come on, you still have a house to run.

And I'm too old to run it for you.

[door clicks]

He quotes this one, she quotes that one.

And that's a conversation?

You know, all your kids are weird.

Me? Your daughter's a Jew for Jesus.

Did I say I was perfect?

Remember I told you at the Shiva

when the kids were all talking about moving to Florida?

Yeah.

I hear it's nice there. They have trees.

You need trees? You're gonna climb them?

Look who's talking. You can't even climb a stoop.

- You want a spoon? - No.

The Deep Dale Nursing Home

is gonna be beautiful when it's finished.

It's right up the block.

It's too humid in Florida.

- It's humid here too. - Exactly.

So, who needs Florida?

Look who's back. Where you been all day?

Out.

[Pearl] I know out.

This is on Weight Watchers?

I'm taking the kids on a picnic.

I got 'em in the car waiting.

You left the kids in the car? That's not safe.

They're fine.

[Pearl] How do you know?

They could suffocate.

Did you open the window a little crack

so they could get some air?

They're not dogs, Ma.

If they wanna have air they can open the window themselves.

Besides they're not alone.

I have a friend down there with them.

[Pearl] Oh. A male friend?

Yes. A male friend.

[Pearl] Mm, and he know about the kids?

He's sitting in the car with 'em, ain't he?

Of course he knows about the kids.

Anyway it's not like that. He's a friend-friend.

A trip to Bendel's and an hour at the beauty parlor

you would be surprised

how fast a friend-friend could become

a-bring-him-home- to-meet-your-mother-friend.

[Pearl] What's his name?

Carl.

Carl, he's a Nazi?

No.

[Pearl] This is not a Jewish name.

So that makes him a Nazi? He's not a Jewish man.

And you left him alone in a car with Mark and Rhonda?

What's he do?

If I knew third degree came

with the invitation to stay here,

I'd have never moved back.

What's he do?

He plays the zither.

Oh, the zither.

Now that's a nice instrument.

Not too many people play that instrument anymore.

Is there a large demand for zither players nowadays?

Look, Ma, I really gotta go.

Fine, don't mind me, I just pay the rent.

You always do this.

You never have time when I need to talk

but if I'm running out the door--

Who's stopping you? Go already.

You got your kids down there gasping for air

with a zither-playing Nazi.

You're some prize, you know that.

All right you wanna talk? Let's talk.

Why don't you tell me about your new friend-friend?

Don't keep your kids waiting too long with a stranger.

You can talk to him all day in German.

[door thuds]

Pearl. [Pearl groans]

Please, Pearl, listen to me.

I am sorry for yesterday. I know.

You lose your husband and right away I open my big mouth

and I upset you.

It was wrong and I apologize.

I never meant to insult Jack's memory.

I don't blame you for running away, please, Pearl.

Old man, I didn't leave because I was angry.

I left because I wasn't.

And I don't know what to do about it, okay?

Never will you regret this day.

Pearl, I show you the world.

I'll bring you all that you deserve.

You, you don't understand.

I'm in mourning for my husband of 37 years, okay?

So I can't see you.

I can't have coffee with you.

And I can't talk to you like this on the street.

I'm sorry but it's just not right. Goodbye.

[pensive music]

[People chattering]

[Announcers on Radio] The Mets are hanging tough,

trying to inch their way up.

They're in a tough game with the Pittsburgh Pirates...

[People chattering]

[Becky] Come on, pay me what you owe me.

55 cents I owe you.

I told you, write it down

then we won't have all these problems.

Don't talk to me, you don't write anything down.

[Freida] I can't hold a pencil from the arthritis.

The heat.

The arthritis I've got, you shouldn't know--

You? I'm all gnarled.

You? I scare the trick-or-treaters.

My thighs are stuck to the bench.

My left eye had a cataract.

I had to have it removed.

- Huh? - Cataracts?

They're very painful, cataracts.

You see that needle coming at your eye.

I've seen needles that you would faint from.

I was a volunteer.

I baked bread for Korea.

Your bread? No wonder we lost.

We did not lose in Korea.

My bread? [laughs]

We lost the war because of the disease, Mrs. Know-it-all.

[Bibby] What disease?

The euthanasia.

What you talking, euthanasia?

The disease. I read it in "Newsweek."

All the youth in Asia got the disease

where they get paralyzed and, and,

and they want the right to die

but the machines keep them breathing.

It's happening there.

[Freida sighs]

[Bibby] Three weeks,

he's been standing underneath her window.

Don't say a word. Just looks up.

I can't look up or turn my head with this neck.

Look at him.

* Where are the words to tell you *

[Joe humming]

I have been up all night creating something for you.

[Joe] I have waited 23 years.

I will wait no longer. Excuse me.

[door thudding]

[gentle piano music]

* Where are the words to tell you *

* All that is in my heart *

* How do you say what words cannot say *

* How to even start *

* Can I describe my yearning *

* Looking into your eyes *

* Poets have ways of making a phrase *

* I am not so wise *

* No words to tell you *

* No, except to tell you *

* But where are *

* The words *

You wrote that about me?

What else is there to write about?

Pearl, I want to ask you a question.

Why me?

[Joe] Make me a happy man.

Let me cook you dinner.

That's it? That's what was so important?

I'm Italian, we take cooking very seriously.

The Irish say "There is no greater love

than the love of food."

Yeah, well, look what they eat?

[Joe] And let me cook for your family too.

Come on. So, what do you say?

[gentle music]

It's too soon.

I know.

But is there really a time clock

for the memory of a husband?

A few months, a few years, what's the difference?

You will feel this way for the rest of your life.

As I will for my wife.

Please, its only dinner.

Why should you have to cook for them every day? Hmm?

Not too spicy, we're Jewish.

We take gas very seriously.

[Joe singing in foreign language]

[Paolo] He's drunk.

[people chattering]

Well, my brother always cooks drunk.

Because he believes that the meal's poetry

is locked in the bottles, so he drinks.

[Joe singing in foreign language]

[all laughing]

[Joe humming]

[people chattering]

[Pearl] Is he alright in there?

Sure.

[Reporter] The Mets are winning handily here in St. Louis

this afternoon on a sizzling early July day.

And the promising rookie Garry Gentry has great stuff.

And if the Mets can win today--

Hello?

[Paolo] Oh, hi.

Uh, you know Vic and Eddie?

- Hi. - Hi.

- How you doin'? - Hi.

- Here, please. - Oh, thank you.

You're such a gentleman.

- So, who's winning? - Mets. Three-one.

[Bibby] Oh, really, the Mets?

She's probably the first woman who's ever sat

and watched a game with him in 20 years.

I think, I better go save her. Come on, Jessica.

[people chattering]

Will you excuse me. Just one minute.

Pleasure.

Paolo.

[bright music] [TV chattering]

Norma, right?

Yes, Frank, Norma.

Norma, do you play Rummy-Q?

Do I what?

[Frank] My, uh, wife, Rose.

She plays Rummy-Q every Friday night.

Do you know what I do Friday nights?

I don't care.

I, uh, I go to the Run Around.

You know, it's a bar on First Avenue, I go there all alone.

Did you know that I'm a psychiatrist?

You don't say.

Very difficult to keep a secret desire

from a psychiatrist.

What winks and screws like a tiger.

[Norma groans]

Rangoon, Port-au-Prince.

[sighs] Your father's so full of life.

Must have been great being raised by someone like that.

I wasn't raised by someone like that.

I had the best foreign stamp collection of any kid

on my block from something like that.

[Joe] Uh-huh.

Smells great, Papa.

[people chattering]

I used to pretend I lived everywhere

when I was a little girl.

Paris, Singapore.

Now I'd be happy just to get out of Sunnyside.

In Singapore they say,

"Love is the food of life

but travel is the dessert." [laughs]

[Rose] Hi, honey.

Sometimes I ask myself,

if I had a choice would I do it again?

Yes.

But next time I'll bring my children.

[dramatic music]

[people chattering]

[gentle music]

So this is where you learned to dance.

I've never been in a bar in my life

and now twice in a month. [laughs]

I wondered how long it'd take me to become

one of those widows who talks to their dead husbands.

What am I gonna do about this Joe character?

The man's a foreigner.

Half the time I don't even know

what he's talking about. [sighs]

Give me a sign, Jack.

Something.

Ladies and gentlemen, the muse has been kind tonight.

Dinner is served.

[people chattering] [upbeat music]

What is this now?

[overlapping conversations]

What is it, actually?

[people chattering]

Give some to your brother.

Did you make this?

[people chattering]

Small.

That's it.

[Joe sighs]

[Joe laughs] [people chattering]

This spumoni is so delicate, Joe.

Do I detect a dash of grenadine?

That's enough for us, missy.

You leave the seconds to the skinny marinks.

[people chattering]

[child sobbing]

[dishes clattering] [child sobbing]

[Joe] What're you doing?

[Pearl] I can't help it.

[Joe] Pearl.

[Pearl] You can count your blessings.

I usually do it as soon as I clear a course.

See that way, I got all my dishes cleaned

and put away by the time the meal's over.

Are you saying you don't enjoy the meal?

Believe me, if I knew that I had dirty dishes pilin' up

in my kitchen, I'd enjoy the meal a lot less.

We gotta soak those pans, Joe.

Otherwise that gristle is never gonna come off.

It's not gristle, it's Chicken alla Cacciatore.

Yeah. In half an hour it's gonna be glue.

Okay.

[gentle music]

No nonsense, get it done hands.

Didn't take you long

to get Frank's tongue hangin' out of his mouth.

- What? - I saw you flirtin' with him.

Really, Norma?

It's not enough your marriage is busted up

you have to bust up someone else's?

Boy are you off the mark? He came on to me.

[laughs] Right.

Look, it does happen to some women.

[Bibby sighs]

Look, Bibby, I'm sorry.

But why do you always have to start in?

Then I have to hit back and it's just so stupid already.

We're grownups.

Oh, I forgot.

I'm not the one who starts,

I'm the one who sits there and takes it.

That's right. Only you're allowed to start in.

Only you're allowed to get whatever the hell you want

your whole skinny, perfect life.

Excuse me?

Does the food magically jump from the plate into your mouth?

Alright, all right. We've drunk a little too much.

Come on, Norma. Tell your sister you love her.

Excuse me, Joe, you're not my father yet.

Norma?

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "For ever minute you are angry,

you've lost 60 seconds of peace of mind."

And Norma Schulman says, "Fuck Ralph Waldo Emerson."

[fist thudding]

In my family, we don't use the mouths

that kiss our mothers to spit garbage.

All right. I knew this was a bad idea.

Go on, kids. Go to the room.

Get all your things.

She just takes me by surprise.

She's all right. She just does what she has to do.

[Bibby] What? She has to make a scene?

Don't start.

It's not normal the way she acts.

I mean, look at her.

What kind of example is that to set for your son?

You know somebody oughta smack you.

I'm sorry, but being fat isn't the worst thing in the world

that can happen to a person.

Sometimes, a smack on the tuchus goes a long way.

Your husband, may he rest in peace,

would have learned that lesson.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

Well maybe my husband never gave anybody a reason

to spit garbage.

Okay. Okay.

Stop giving me the evil eye, you old bat.

All night long with that look. Twit, twit, twit.

[woman speaking in Italian]

[people chattering]

What? What are you doing?

Are you really a psychiatrist?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Come on. I need your help.

What?

[woman and Joe speaking in Italian]

Where's Swee' Pea?

[Bibby] I'm sure he's fine.

Did he go to the bathroom? Did anybody see him?

I saw him go for a walk with Frank.

And i'll tell you another thing.

You didn't solve anything by not going to daddy's funeral.

It was cruel. All you did was upset mommy.

- Bibby! - [Bibby] She should have gone.

You have the nerve to sit there

and say I've gotten whatever the hell I wanted in my life?

Don't you dare tell me what I should

and what I shouldn't do.

Not until you bury a child.

[people chattering]

[Norma] Swee' Pea?

[woman and Joe speaking in Italian]

[Frank] All right, so we're here. What're you gonna do?

[Swee' Pea] This is the final test.

You're the doctor and now we'll see if I'm crazy.

[Frank] Well, who says you're crazy?

Look, do you see that?

Yeah. So?

[Swee' Pea] That's the third rail. 30,000 volts.

Hey! Wait!

[Swee' Pea] Don't worry. Nothing can hurt me.

Swee' Pea, get back here.

Oops. It's okay, I'm Superman.

No! No!

[dramatic music]

[gentle music]

Oh God. [panting]

Can you help me?

Yes. Yes, I can help you.

What if you can't help?

You're gonna be all right.

It-it's gonna be all right, buddy.

Please, no more, no more tests.

[Frank] Swee' Pea, you know, you grabbed the cover.

The third rail is very dangerous.

You're gonna have to come to my office.

[Swee' Pea] Promise you won't tell my mother.

[Frank] No. I-I have to.

[Swee' Pea] No. I'll do it when she's not in a crazy mood.

[Frank] Okay.

Why was everybody yelling at each other tonight?

That upset you?

That's just how this family is.

We yell.

But why do families have to yell?

They don't.

We do.

Now go to sleep.

Sweet dreams.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

I love you.

- I love you too. - Same here.

And here.

[dramatic suspenseful music]

[people laughing] [dramatic suspenseful music]

[bright music]

[people chattering]

[bright music]

[people chattering]

[bright music]

[elevator dings]

[Lonnie] Here, let me get it for you.

[people chattering]

I cannot take this air conditioner from that man.

He don't use it.

It just sits in the basement gathering dust.

[Harry] It's a Carrier. That's the best there is.

But I don't want it. You take it back.

You kiddin'? I don't know how I got it this far.

I told you, use your back.

[Harry] Not the back, the chest.

Stick it on your head for all I care.

Get rid of it, okay?

He feels bad about the dinner.

An air conditioner? Who won the sweepstakes?

It's from Joe.

When you live in Florida, you can turn on the TV

if you want a soap opera.

[Lonnie] Florida? Who's goin' to Florida?

Listen, I think you gotta tell your crazy brother.

Tell him yourself. I'm just the delivery man.

[Lonnie] You're moving to Florida?

All I said was the kids mentioned it at the Shiva.

You don't hear.

So sue me, I don't hear. I'm old.

You're not old, you're gorgeous.

I'm not gorgeous, but I have a sweet quality.

- [Harry] You betcha. - I'm gonna go call him.

- [Paolo] Pearl, please. - Hello.

- Hi, Ma. - [Pearl] Bibby.

I gotta talk to you.

Remember when we had dinner at Joe's?

[Pearl] Yeah, you know what he did,

he sent over an air conditioner.

What? Look, Ma, this is serious.

So is this.

[Bibby] I gotta tell you something.

You can talk to me later.

When do I ever call you? It's important.

I gotta tell you now.

Look, you're under my feet 24 hours a day.

I have to talk to you on the phone too?

What's the number?

[phone line buzzing]

We didn't lose in Korea. I fought there.

Who told you we lost?

No, I read it.

I didn't know I was gonna be interviewed by Mr. David Frost.

- Oh! - Oh-oh! Whoa.

I've been begging Harry for one.

That's only the second one in the building.

[Paolo] Pearl, please. Stand here.

[gentle music]

He says he's missed your last 23 birthdays.

It's wasted at his house.

It's delicious.

Well, well, if it's gonna be wasted.

Hmm.

[air condition rattling]

[all gasping]

- Oh! - Oh, nuts!

[fist thudding]

[dog barking]

[suspenseful music]

[dramatic suspenseful music] [dog barking]

[Joe] Don't do that, Swee' Pea.

Swee' Pea?

[dog whining]

Swee' Pea, come here.

Grandpa used to make people challah with cream cheese.

I could talk to him about anything.

And he'd never tell. Not even my mother.

[Joe] Sounds like he was a very special man.

[Swee' Pea] Doctor Frank says I just want him

to protect me because I miss him.

Doctor Frank? You speak to him a lot?

My mother doesn't know.

[Joe] Come here.

Put your hand here. Like this.

Ah.

Now, I'm going to show you an old Italian folk song

[accordian music]

that was taught to me by my great grandmother

in Palermo when she was 98 years old.

Are you ready?

[upbeat music]

* When you're just in love *

[Pearl] Hm, and where'd you get that? As if I didn't know.

Joe's gonna give me lessons.

His mother won't like it.

Ah, makes them iron better.

Uh-huh.

So? Can I keep it here?

Please?

Okay, go stick it in the bedroom closet.

Best way to the cow is through the calf, huh?

Pearl, I caught him trying to get a dog to bite him.

[Pearl] Oh. What are you up to now?

I know this is not my business.

And Jack never would have told.

But some things should not be left in the hands of children.

And suddenly you wrote the book on raising children?

So he acts strange. I've got news for you, so do you.

[Joe] Pearl--

You worry about your family, we'll take care of our own.

You know, he sees a psychiatrist

behind his mother's back.

What?

My son-in-law.

Pearl, it's like a rock in my heart to bring you bad news

but this is not acting strange, this a little boy in pain.

I've raised kids a lot of years, okay?

I did too.

But I did it in person.

The Tibetans say, "If a man shuts his eyes during the day

he cannot sleep in peace at night."

Enough, I think I know better how to handle my own family

than the Tibetans or you.

And that's why I told you.

[pensive music]

There are some things that should not be left

in the hands of children.

Look, Ma. He's my kid.

And right, now some witch doctor has got him strapped

to a couch.

He's not strapped to anything.

He's goin' because he wants to.

Why? He knows I'm here.

But who the hell knows who you are?

When he looks at ya, he don't know

if he's seein' his mother or Zsa Zsa Gabor.

[Pearl] I'm sorry, Norma.

[Customer] Come on, lady.

Look, I got a rock in my heart with what you went through.

But I think maybe I've kept the kid gloves

on a little too long.

[people chattering]

[singer faintly singing] [people chattering]

[Reporter] In stadium history, the Mets and Cubs at Shea,

every game a sellout.

Jerry Koosman won the first game

and Tom Seaver, the second.

And so the Mets are now just three games behind...

[people chattering]

Grandma, Mark threw the ball in the water.

Can I go get it?

No, you just ate. It hasn't been an hour.

- Okay. - Your turn.

Could you go get it?

[Pearl] Alright, I'll get it. Where is it?

- Boungiorno. - What are you doing?

Why don't you roll up your pants?

I was in a rush.

Why?

You got some more news about somebody else in my family?

No.

[sighs] I talked to Norma, in my own way.

A mother knows what to say.

And this is the way?

Why they didn't come in the pool?

Jews don't swim.

They can't eat at the same time. Their hair gets wet.

It had to be 90 degrees to get those people in the water.

You're beautiful, beautiful--

Bella, bella. Yeah, I know.

Eh, is this so weird for somebody to wait 23 years

for someone they don't even know.

I'm not Lana Turner, you know.

I don't like blondes. [speaking in French]

Absence diminishes little passion

but increases great ones.

Like the wind blows out a candle but fans a fire.

[Joe speaking in French]

So you speak French.

[Joe] You are more than beautiful.

You are the morning dew.

The joy in the baby's laughter. You are the sun in the sky.

[laughs] It's enough already.

I'm not the sun in the sky.

You're right.

You were not until you smiled.

[gentle music]

[gentle music continues]

Oh, my God!

[all clapping] [gentle music continues]

[pensive music]

[all clapping] [people chattering]

Two, bam.

[throat clearing]

[vocalist singing in foreign language]

[Pearl humming]

[vocalists singing in foreign language]

[Pearl humming]

[Pearl] Chicken's ready.

I'm not hungry.

What?

I'm not hungry. I'm movin' to California.

You're what?

Me and the kids. We're movin' to...

Where are you goin'?

You mind if I sit down?

I've been on my feet for the last 56 years.

I have to, Ma.

There's nothing for me here, you know that.

[Pearl] Oh, I see.

I thought about it a lot.

I already lined up a job. An apartment.

So when were you planning to tell me?

Or was I supposed to figure it out

when you stopped showin' up for your meals?

Every time I try to talk to you,

I either can't get up the nerve or else you start hawkin' me

and I never seem to get it out.

[sighs]

[Pearl] So, Bibby, when are you planning

to make this move?

Tomorrow morning. We're driving across.

And please, don't call me Bibby anymore.

Why not? What's wrong with Bibby?

[Bibby] I've asked you to use my real name.

[Pearl] Barbara? No, Bibby's a perfectly good name.

Bibby is not a name, Ma.

It's what an infant uses to keep food

from drooling down its shirt.

You might as well know

my last name isn't Berman anymore either.

It's LaSalle. Barbara LaSalle.

[gate scraping]

Well? Aren't you gonna say something?

I'm speechless. I'm struck dumb.

Bibby Berman is a fat, unhappy little girl.

I deserve a beautiful name, Ma. Like Simone Signoret.

- She's French. - Or Brigitte Bardot.

She's also French.

Besides Brigitte Bardot

probably means Bibby Berman in French.

Forget your name.

You wanna change something, buy a decent dress.

Look, I don't know why you're taking this so personally.

I'm not takin' it personally.

If you wanna change your name, fine.

It's just when you got a humpback

why spend money on a nose job?

- What? - [Pearl] Hm.

You are a piece of work, Ma.

Oh, would you ever say somethin' that mean to Norma?

Do you even know that it's mean?

What's mean, my darling, is you shovin'

in my face how your father's name,

a man who would walk through fire for you,

is not good enough for you.

Why? Apparently, it's not good enough for you either.

How dare you?

No. How dare you?

How dare you, Ma?

How dare you treat Norma like some goddamn tragic beauty

and not even call me by my real name?

All you ever did was poke fun.

That is not true.

You told people I smelled, Ma.

Big joke, huh?

Yeah, that's a riot to a 10 year-old girl.

Well, I hug my kids.

I would never poke fun if they were hurtin'.

But you, you got one kid livin' in a fantasy world

and another kid running clear across the country

just to get away from you.

You're just so scared to face yourself alone in the mirror

you're kissin' strangers in front of the whole neighborhood.

Well, I'm goin' to California.

Maybe I'll make mistakes just like I did

when I married David

but you can just save your put-downs and your big advice

because I refuse to let you keep me from trying.

Since when could I ever stop you from hurtin' yourself?

Jesus!

You just don't get it, do ya?

[Pearl] No, I don't get it. I don't want to get it.

I don't wanna know so much, Bibby, I never did.

What good would it do me, huh?

I'd still have some lunatic Italian tellin' me

I should run off with him

and a husband who'd have left me

if he didn't learn to dance in some bar.

Not to mention, two divorced daughters.

Mm-hmm, go.

You wanna go? Go.

It's not the first time I've been abandoned.

Daddy's dying was not abandonment, it was dying.

What's your excuse?

That I wasn't here for you when your marriage failed?

And you moved back home

with your two kids into my little apartment?

You want me to say everything is my fault?

I'm not gonna do it.

You think I was mean to you when you were a kid?

You think I didn't do enough for you?

Well, I'm sorry,

but I had couple of other things on my mind. You know?

Like a depression and the war.

And your father, God bless him,

sleepwalking through your whole childhood!

[Pearl] God forbid, I should know myself

the way you know yourself.

God Forbid, I should ask myself those questions.

Like what happened to my life? Did I deserve more?

Did I ever for one second get as much as I gave?

God forbid, I should ask those questions

because if I looked inside myself

and I really saw what I shut out for my whole life

what I really missed, then come from out of me such a rage

it would blow this building apart

and it would blow you into a million little pieces

and it would blow Queens off the face of the goddamn map.

[plate crashing]

[footsteps tapping] [car horn honking]

[gentle music]

Hello, Benjamin.

Oh, hello.

May I sit down?

Of course. [audience laughing]

- How are you? - Very well.

[audience laughing]

[Actress] You don't have to be so nervous, you know?

[Actor] Nervous? Well, I am a bit nervous.

I mean it's pretty hard to be suave when you're--

- Did you get us a room? - What?

- Have you got us a room yet? - I haven't. No.

[Actress] Do you want to?

[audience laughing]

Shh.

[Actor] Well, I don't.

I mean I could or we could just talk.

[Actress] You want me to get it?

[Actor] You? Oh no.

No, I'll get it.

[Actress] Do you want to get it now?

[upbeat music] [singer vocalizing]

[people chattering]

[upbeat music] [singer vocalizing]

* And here's to you Mrs. Robinson *

* Jesus loves you more than you will know *

What's new, tiger?

[Frank] Well, well. Norma Schulman.

* Heaven holds a place for those who pray *

* Hey hey hey *

* Hey hey hey *

[Norma growling]

You don't have to be so nervous you know.

I'm not nervous.

You want to get us a room?

Uh, all right.

Do you want to get it now?

Um, yeah. I'll get it now.

Do you want me to get it?

No, no. I'll, uh, I'll get it.

Why don't you get it?

* Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you *

* Woo woo woo *

[door clicking]

Such a pleasant room.

[siren faintly wailing]

Do you have an ashtray?

Oh, I forgot. The track star doesn't smoke.

What?

What's wrong?

Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?

No, I hadn't thought of it, but I'm flattered.

No, The Graduate. That's where I've seen this.

Well, what do you know about that?

Will you unzip my dress?

Do you want me to seduce you?

Is that what you're trying to say to me?

I don't know. I mean, I just saw that movie, um...

Mrs. Robinson, you're my parent's friend.

I'm in love with your daughter.

[Norma] Bring me my purse.

Uh, no, I'll, I'll leave it at the top of the stairs.

Now I'm getting pretty tired of all this suspicion.

If you won't do me a simple favor

then I don't know what.

You know, you do this well. This is, this is terrific.

[Frank moaning]

[Frank] Uh, what are those for?

Are you sure this was in The Graduate?

I-I-I got it.

I, uh,

I think you have this mixed up with another movie.

Perhaps, uh, a foreign movie.

Ow!

[Frank] What's that for?

[lighter clicking]

All right, um, let me out of these things.

I'm serious. Where's the key, Norma?

Let me go.

Ow!

[Frank] What are you crazy?

You are the doctor, doctor.

Now, I want to know,

what does my son say to you in that office?

Ow!

What? Are you kidding me?

[Norma] Do I look like I'm kidding, numb nuts?

I want to know what he tells you and what you tell him.

- It's unethical. - [Frank] Ow!

Unethical?

I know what you guys do.

Do you really think I would let you rub

your dirty little hands all over my son's brain?

Swee' Pea is fine.

Why is it that as soon as someone has just a little bit

of imagination, suddenly they're crazy?

Now, first off, I want you to swear

[Norma] that you will never see my son again.

- Well? - I can, I can't.

[Norma] Well?

Ow! All right, I promise.

- Good. - Ow! Oh.

[Frank groaning]

[Norma] Oh my God.

Ow! Ah!

[bright music]

I don't use Tupperware. I can't get it to burp.

I only use it to freeze.

Oh, I don't think, you're supposed to freeze Tupperware.

Who says?

I don't know. I read it, Family Circle.

All right, I've seen it. Now, let's go.

Oh, no, no, you promised.

Don't you wanna see where I'm gonna live?

Even you might like it.

[Freida] Isn't this place near where you were mugged?

I wasn't mugged. I gave it to him.

[Freida] He had a knife.

That's why I gave it to him.

That's mugging.

No. Mugging is when they take it from you.

Oh. You're getting technical.

Come on.

[gentle music]

[handle rattling]

[gentle music] [footsteps tapping]

[people chattering]

[machines whirring]

[handle rattling]

[people chattering] [gentle music]

[Muriel] May I help you?

Are you here for the open house?

I'm Muriel Jacobs. What's your name?

You have to jiggle the handle.

Are you all right?

[gentle music] [people chattering]

[engine puttering]

Wait here.

- [Rhonda] Leave me alone. - [Mark] Leave me alone.

- [Rhonda] Don't imitate me. - [Mark] Don't imitate me.

- [Rhonda] Get off me. - [Mark] Get off me.

- [Rhonda] Mark. - [Mark] Mark.

[Rhonda] You're such a baby.

[Joe] Bibby, what a--

[Bibby] I'm leaving.

I, uh, I just stopped by to say...

I don't know.

You scared me when you showed up, Joe.

But I think I understand now.

You wait and you wait and you could only wait so long

till you gotta try and make your life,

I don't know, like, the way you see it in your head.

I learned that from you.

[Joe] Have you talked to your mother?

I can't explain that to her

'cause she thinks it means I don't love her.

[Joe] Yes, I know.

- You-- - Yes.

[Bibby] You may be the only one left

with a chance of breakin' through.

Yes.

And if you ever do, please, tell her I love her.

I do, but I gotta do it from a distance.

[Joe] Uh, Bibby? Bibby?

The air conditioner. Is it still broken?

Yeah.

[gentle music]

[Rhonda] Are you crying, Mommy?

[Bibby] Come on, we gotta go.

[Rhonda] Where are we going now?

[Bibby] We're going to California.

[Rhonda] Yes, we're going to California.

Oh!

[door creaking]

[door clicking]

[lid squeaking]

[record rattling]

[gentle upbeat music]

You must've had a hundred ties, huh?

Altogether they weren't worth more than a dollar.

[gentle music]

Well, Taylor, you had some cheap taste.

[gentle music]

* The sky fell down *

* When I met you *

* The green of the countryside *

Didn't know you were so sentimental.

* I had the moon *

* Right on my fingertips *

* And when first we kissed *

* There were stars on your lips *

* To be with you *

* Just made it seem *

* That walking on snowy clouds *

* Was not a dream *

* You gave to me *

* All this and heaven too *

[Harry] Give me a wrench.

- [Harry] One wrench. - [Al] Which one?

[Harry] Give me the bigger wrench. C'mon, give me.

Stop banging it. You'll break it.

[Al] I know that there's a flange here.

[Harry] You don't even know what a flange is. Look.

[Al] This little thing. Can you bend down--

[Harry] Stop banging the damn...

[Al] It's crooked, Harry.

[Harry] You're crooked.

[Pearl sobbing]

[Freida] Pearl?

How many times have we broke over the years?

[Pearl] What kind of idiot would leave $300 in a shoe?

The kind who wants you to find it after he's dead.

You know, Pearl, it wouldn't make such a bad dowry.

[doorbell ringing]

[Al] I got it.

Did they call the repairman?

You know how much those guys get?

[Freida] I know what you're going to say,

"It's too soon.

It's too crazy."

You know what I say? "Who the hell cares."

Grab him.

And hold on to him until your knuckles are raw.

Don't wait till you're 80

and alone to realize how precious life is.

- [Joe] Why not? It's our right. - [Al] Bravo! Terrific.

He won't quit.

No, he just won't quit.

The man is terrific. Bravo.

- Okay. - Great.

- [Harry] Ten seconds he took. - [Al] Didn't even use a wrench.

Perhaps we could talk alone?

- Pearl, that-- - No.

My life has always made sense to me.

It's not glamorous.

I haven't been a merchant singer.

I don't know how to play the accordion

but I always thought I knew just enough

that I needed to know.

Turns out I, I was wrong.

You were right.

So you want a prize?

Here.

Don't sentence me for another man's crime.

I'm here. Now.

I don't have to sentence you.

You make no sense in my life already.

Too much sense is not good.

That's true for you, Joe, because you're a little boy.

So why don't you just do what you do best and run away?

Because I love you.

I love you.

I can't say it any other way

but, Pearl, I think you will never hear me.

[pensive music]

[door thudding]

[dog barking]

[Norma] It's about time you got home.

- What's she talking about? - I don't know she's-

[Norma] I didn't hear you leave this morning.

I knew I raised a weirdo,

I never thought I raised a snake.

- Hey, Swee' Pea. - Everybody's looking.

Oh! Well why don't you go complain to Dr. Frank?

Oh that's right, I forgot.

You can't.

Because I've had a long talk with Dr. Frank.

And I've canceled all your appointments.

Swee' Pea, he's a quack.

Leave me alone.

He can't help you.

[pensive music]

Ma, is Swee' Pea by you?

When?

No. Maybe he's on his way home.

Bye.

[pensive music]

[dramatic music]

[mournful music]

I'm sorry.

[somber music] [footsteps shuffling]

[dramatic music]

- Joey! - Look up!

[people shouting]

[train rumbling]

Oh!

[dramatic music]

[people shouting]

[train roaring]

[Joe speaking in Italian]

Let's go, huh?

[train clattering]

Oh, what you really think grandpa was gonna protect you?

[Swee' Pea] He did.

He sent Joe.

Stop it! This is not a game anymore.

What is your problem, Swee' Pea? Talk to me!

Why are you so crazy? Why do you have to be so crazy?

Give me a break, will ya?

So I'm a little bit crazy, so what?

[Swee' Pea] No one else's mother is.

Oh yeah?

Stop a few people on the street.

and ask if their mothers are crazy.

See how many say yes.

[Swee' Pea] But you're really crazy.

All right. So I'm crazy.

So that's what makes you think

that grandpa made you invincible?

- No. - Then what?

He needs me.

I need you.

I don't care.

[Norma] You have to care.

But I'm afraid of you.

[laughs] Afraid of me? Why?

[Swee' Pea] Leave me alone.

No. Why are you afraid?

When I act like I act

it is just so I can get out of bed in the morning.

Don't you understand?

I had something terrible happen to me.

It happened to me too!

Michael died on me too!

Daddy left me too!

Everything that happened to you, happened to me.

And you went crazy.

And now I'm crazy.

Just like you.

Sweetheart,

listen to me.

It's not something that you catch like a cold.

You're not me.

You are the bravest, sweetest little boy in the whole world.

And I would never let anything hurt you.

Especially not me.

So you can play the accordion.

You can see a doctor.

You can do whatever you need to.

We'll work it out.

But just stop pulling these stunts, Swee' Pea.

I'm begging you.

Okay?

[pensive music]

[Norma sobs]

I'm sorry.

You don't have to be Superman anymore.

Oh.

[pensive music]

Thank you.

For what?

For being a mensch.

Of course.

What is a mensch?

A man.

A good and decent man.

Anybody would have done the same.

Pearl, marry me.

[Pearl] Is that the last bottle of that wine?

Marry me.

Marry you, Joe? You don't even know me.

And I don't know you either.

[Joe] What do you want to know?

Make a list.

All right, how come you never talk about your wife?

Well she was older than me.

She wanted to have children before it was too late.

She liked the way I said mio caro.

My dear.

But we always knew this was not the real thing.

Pearl, you are the real thing.

You're not Jewish.

And I can't help it, I find that very uncomfortable.

And you're not Italian, so what? I love you.

This is most important.

I'm too old.

And I'm not strong enough to face a whole 'nother life.

No, let me be strong.

I'm a safe place.

[Pearl] Nowhere's a safe place.

There are no guarantees.

I'm a guarantee.

[Pearl] Stop, Joe.

You talk and you talk.

And I know what you want to do

is make me feel things I've never felt before.

But when am I gonna find

your note saying you just decided to leave me.

You wanna give me a guarantee?

You guarantee me you're not gonna die.

Not before me.

Pearl.

Pearl, I cannot tell you the future,

but I can tell you this anybody that comes,

to take me away from you it better command

because I'm not leaving.

Like Charlie Chaplin said, "I cannot die.

Who would God have to play jokes on?" Hm?

You have this stuff written on your hand?

Me? What about you, huh?

Deckles and tepeles and tweet tweet?

[Pearl] That's different. My mother taught me those.

[Joe] So?

And so I know my mother personally

you don't know Charlie Chaplin.

That's got nothing to do with it.

And I know, I know the only fool bigger than the one

who knows it all is the person who argues with him.

You can't chew with someone else's teeth.

See, this poet thing ain't so hard.

[both laughing]

Ah, not every food is worth chewing.

[Joe speaking in Italian]

Even cheap borscht is a blessing for the toothless.

Are all your mother's quotes are about teeth?

Yeah. Well, she is almost 80, they were on her mind.

[Pearl laughs] [gentle music]

So, you haven't actually said yes.

Pearl, you'll marry me?

This you won't believe.

She told me she won't marry me until we sleep together.

- She said that? - Yeah.

Yes, but she means sleep sleep.

Her and Jack, they didn't fit together.

For 37 years, she couldn't get comfortable.

I think she's waiting.

Waiting for a sign that it's all right.

No. Are you nuts?

She wants to check the merchandise

before she plunks her money down.

- You think? - Sure.

She's a lady. She's being subtle.

What's she's supposed to say, come on over and hump me

and if it works it's yours for life.

Here's what you do when you get into bed with her you sigh.

Sigh?

Rapturously like her beauty

is so breathtaking you have to swoon.

[scoffs] You are crazy.

[Paolo] All right, then do one of your quotes.

No, I think she's sick of the poets.

Then I'm telling you, sigh.

Try it.

[Joe sighs]

No, not like you stuck your feet in the tub of hot water.

Like words fail you.

Sigh for her lovely, long neck.

[Joe sighs]

For her fine, tapered fingers.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Her full, welcoming breasts.

Ah, ah.

Maybe don't use that one, she's old, it'll scare her.

Paulo, look! They're comin' out.

[Mission Control] Hey, Neil.

We can see you coming down the ladder now.

We can see you coming.

[Neil] I'm at the foot of the ladder,

the LEM footpads are only--

Paulo, this is an age of poetry

and miracles.

[Neil] There appears to be.

[people chattering]

[Viewer] They're coming down the ladder.

Look, now they're coming down.

[Viewer] It's happening. Come on, you'll miss it.

I can see them. Look, I can see them.

[people chattering]

[Neil] Get back up to that first step, it's,

they said it was the last two bars,

but it's adequate to get back up.

[Mission Control] Roger, we copy.

- Whoo! - All right!

[Mission Control] Okay.

[Neil] And I'll step off the ladder now.

[crowd cheering]

It's one small step for man.

One giant leap for mankind.

[fire crackers booming] [car horns honking]

[gentle music] [Joe sighing]

[Joe moaning]

[Joe moaning]

You all right? You need a bicarb?

[Joe] No.

[Joe sighs]

[Joe groaning]

I don't want you to take this personally

but you have some very peculiar habits.

Like taking advice from foolish old men.

Goodnight, Pearl.

Goodnight.

[pensive music]

[gentle music]

[people chattering]

And then the priest is gonna say something about Jesus

and then you have to say

"Our father who art in heaven."

"Our father who art in heaven."

"Hallowed be thy name."

"Hallowed be thy name."

"Lead us not into Penn Station."

"Lead us not into Penn Station."

I beat you by ten minutes, you took Southern State?

- Sunrise Highway. - Sunrise Highway?

Are you crazy there's a million lights.

I got a radio. I don't mind the lights.

Harry, I look okay?

Come here.

* Moon over Miami *

* Shine on my love and me *

* So we can stroll *

* Beside the role of the rolling sea *

* Moon over Miami *

What do you want?

I want you to come with me to Florida.

- What? - You heard me.

The house is big, there's an electric oven. Come.

You want that?

Of course I want that.

The toilet is quiet.

You won't have to jiggle the handle.

I had Ruthie try it out.

What do you say?

I say, you're crazy.

All of a sudden, she wants me to come to Florida.

Oh my God!

You look just like you were at 22.

You look beautiful.

Like some kind of princess in a fairy tale.

So, I saw the rabbi. Where's the priest?

He's around. Hippies, the both of 'em.

Nobody else would do it.

Tell me do you know anything about some present from Joe?

A groom don't give the bride a present.

I don't wanna hear it.

I took the Expressway. Okay?

I took the Expressway.

[men laughing]

[gentle music]

[sighs] It's about time.

Oh, you look so handsome.

Where's your mother?

Don't worry, Grandma. She'll be here soon.

She had something she had to do.

[dramatic music]

[somber music]

[mournful music]

[mournful music continues]

[Norma sobbing]

[Paolo] So tell me is there ever a moment in all this time

when you didn't think that this day would come?

Do you want to know the real truth?

Not one single solitary second.

[both laughing]

[footsteps thudding]

Daddy! The present's here.

- Oh. - What?

[Pearl] Forgive me, Jack.

[pensive music]

You were my present?

Joe wanted me at the wedding.

I wanted you at my wedding

So where are the kids?

Locked in the car, suffocating. I'm kidding.

They're inside.

So how's California?

[laughs] I like it.

We'll talk.

Good luck, Ma.

You deserve some happiness.

[Pearl] Thanks.

Grant this stubborn old lady one wish.

[Bibby] What's that, Ma?

I gotta call you Bibby.

Not when anyone's around. Just when we're alone.

I don't know any Barbara.

See ya out there.

By the way, just so you remember.

Daddy changed his name when he came through Ellis Island.

I mean, really, what does it matter anyway?

You really do look beautiful.

You too, my kid.

[Paolo] They're eating before the ceremony.

You stop them.

Mets could win the Series

and my mother wouldn't let me listen to it in the car.

[Reporter] Wrap it up this afternoon.

What's the score?

It's tied.

- Jerry Guzman. - Three up. Top of the eighth.

I don't think you remember Aunt Louisa

when we went for dinner at Uncle Paolo's bar.

[people chattering]

No. No, no! [screaming]

No!

[knuckles rapping]

You in there?

You decided yet?

[Becky] Could you give me five minutes please?

You saying this the way

it would be the whole time in Florida?

[Becky] No, there are two bathrooms there.

You'd never see me.

I enjoy seeing you. But not in the toilet.

All right, I'm leaving.

[Becky] Why didn't you ask me before?

Because I was afraid.

Afraid I'd say no?

Afraid you'd never be able to make a change

after all these years.

But I saw that Deep Dale, Becky.

Then, I look at what Pearl is doing and how brave she is.

And I don't wanna send the rest of my life waiting to die.

Shh.

I know you don't want to hear it,

but we're running outta time.

72 years I know you.

It'd be nice to have a good old friend there at the end.

You mean it?

I said it. So?

So?

[Freida] What do you think?

What do I think?

I think the next time somebody offers me a toilet

where you don't have to jiggle the handle

and a bunch of cockamamie palm trees,

I'm gonna say..

* Moon over Miami *

[Freida laughing]

* Shine on my love and me *

You're not gonna flush?

Oh leave me alone.

[both laughing]

[people chattering]

Well?

[Swee' Pea] Mom, you look beautiful.

Just like everybody else.

Yeah?

Well do me a favor. Just stick by me, all right?

[people chattering]

[gentle music]

[upbeat music]

- Hey. - What?

- Why don't you sit down? - But we just got--

[Frank] Look, Rose, sit down.

Find a table, I'll come back.

[upbeat music]

[people chattering]

All right, you wanna go with me?

[Swee' Pea] I'll come with you, Mom.

You look beautiful.

You look great.

Calm down. It's no tragedy.

It is.

So what if there's no music?

It's just nerves.

Okay, you can relax, Norma's here.

Oh, the groom isn't supposed to see the bride

before the wedding.

[Joe] Did you hear me? What's wrong?

The musicians are stuck with a flat on Taconic Parkway.

The Taconic?

They should've taken the Saw Mill.

No, the Major Deegan is faster than the Saw Mill.

What are you talking about? They had a flat.

No, it's all right, it's all right.

I can sing "Oh Promise Me."

- Oh God. - Oh no.

All right, fine. So get married in deathly silence.

Don't worry. There will be music.

[Pearl] How?

His accordion's only two minutes away.

He's hardly had any lessons.

What's he gonna play? Scales?

"Three Blind Mice?"

He's very good. He's got a gift.

[Norma] You don't wanna embarrass the kid, Joe.

Look at that face.

[Pearl] You wanna do it, sweetheart?

Yes, Grandma.

To have you play at my wedding

would be the crowning glory of the day.

[All] Aw!

[Pearl] It's something I'll never forget.

I only know one song.

Good, it'll be short.

Now go get your accordion.

[Paolo] Ready?

[people chattering]

Welcome to our family.

[Friend] Pearl, I hope you're very happy.

[Lonnie] Let's go get a front seat.

[Joe] Bella.

Bella.

I'll see you out there.

[people chattering]

[sweet accordion music]

[gentle big band music]

[sweet accordion music]

[Reporter] We're in the ninth at Shea.

Hold on, we're almost there.

[gentle music]

Thank you.

Do you Giuseppe Federico Meledandri

Uh-huh.

[Rabbi] Take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife

to have and to hold in sickness and in health

till death do you part?

I do.

[Priest] And do you, Pearl Judith Berman, take this man

to be your lawful wedded husband

to have and to hold in sickness and in health

till death do you apart?

I do.

[Rabbi] Then in the sight of God

and by the power vested in us by the state of New York..

[Boys] The Mets won the Series! Yes!

- Yes! - Yes!

Yes!

[Rabbi] By the power--

[Boy] The Mets won! I can't believe it!

- Sh! - [Rabbi] By the power

vested in us by the state of New York,

we now pronounce you man.

[Priest] And wife.

Oh.

[gentle music]

[people chattering]

You may kiss the bride.

[gentle music]

[audience applauding] [audience laughing]

[audience cheering]

[Freida crying]

[people chattering] [both laughing]

[Rabbi] You have to break the glass.

[Friend] The glass. Again, again!

The glass.

[glass crashing] [audience cheering]

[people chattering]

[Friend] Come on, that's enough already!

[body thuds] [accordion clangs]

[gentle music]

[Swee' Pea gasps]

[Girl] I'm sorry. Are you all right?

Here. Let me help you.

Please God. Don't let us be related.

* The sky fell down *

* When I met you *

* The green of the countryside has turned to blue *

* I had the moon *

* Right on my fingertips *

* And when first we kissed *

* There were stars on your lips *

* To be with you *

* Just made it seem *

* That walking on snowy clouds *

* Was not a dream *

* You gave to me *

* All this and heaven too *

* When the sky fell down *

* And I met you *

[gentle music]

[sweet gentle music]

[gentle music]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music continues]

[dramatic music continues]