Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[water gushing]

[door opens and closes]

[soft music playing on radio]

Some restaurant I got going here.

Two meals a night.

Just once can't you get home to eat with your family?

'I don't know what to do with those two.'

'Norma's gonna end up beautiful. Like a movie star.'

Nuts, just like your Aunt, Doddy.

Wearing her stockings over her shoes.

And Bibby, I don't know what's gonna be with Bibby.

She don't sleep, she's big as a house.

Plus that weird smell she's got. You noticed?

Like bad cooking, it smells like.

Like from far away, like distant bad cooking.

I don't know. She scrubs, it's just her.

[music continues]

What, Jack?

Shh.

- What are you doing? - Shh.

What you lose at the track?

[music continues]

All of a sudden you want to dance?

[Frank Sinatra singing "Sky Fell Down"]

* The sky fell down *

* When I met you *

You haven't danced with me in..

I don't think ever.

* The green of the countryside *

* Has turned to blue *

* I had the moon *

Pearl.

* Right on my fingertips *

* And when first we kissed *

* There were stars on your lips *

* To be with you *

* Just made it seem *

Oh.

* That walking on snowy clouds *

* Was not a dream *

* You gave to me *

* All this and heaven too *

* When the sky fell down *

* and I.. **

[dishes clattering]

Burned now. Just eat around that part.

[siren blaring in distance]

[dishes clattering]

[engines revving]

[indistinct voice on radio]

(man on radio) 'The Mets lost the last four games on the road trip.'

'Now they've come home to Shea..'

Open a window. There's no air in here.

Ma, I didn't introduce you to Bill. He's a designer.

- 'Nice to meet you.' - Yeah.

He's taking the expressway? We'll sit in traffic.

Tell him to take Grand Central.

No, you're way of out of your way on Grand Central.

This is only bad because of the water towers.

You're both crazy. Swing around down to the Southern State.

He's gotta follow the coffin.

(Al) 'At least Jack was normal till he died.'

'Remember Uncle Manny with the tubes and the dribbling'

'and the making little animals with his cottage cheese.'

(Pearl) 'Al.'

Driver, you can let me out right here.

Six feet from the gates, you're gonna start this?

Leave her alone, Bibby. We'll pick you up afterwards.

(Bill) 'We're getting out?'

(Bibby) 'She won't set foot in a cemetery.'

(Norma) 'Excuse me.'

(Bibby) 'Why don't we drop you off at the movies?'

(Pearl) 'Bibby, stop'

(Bibby) 'Who you're supposed to be today Norma?'

(Al) 'Jackie Kennedy.'

'No, she's Judy Garland at the end of, "A Star Is Born."'

(Pearl) 'Alright, enough.'

[indistinct chattering]

- Al, can you give me a hand? - In a minute.

(Rhonda) 'When Jesus was crucified, he was all blood and guts.'

'Three days later, he came back from the dead out into the sun'

and he saw his shadow on the ground

and that's how he knew it was Easter.

(male #1) 'Look at them. Would you look at them?'

She brought a date, to her own father's funeral.

All class, my sister.

I know Pearl appreciates it. Thank you.

Your son-in-law was very loved.

I mean, what a turn out.

I counted 96 at the service and 51 at the cemetery.

[melancholic music]

[music continues]

What's that?

Its Jack's ring. Just for a while.

It's too tight, you'll never get it off.

You're gonna lose it.

[indistinct chattering]

Grandpa Jack loved you very much.

'You had something special.'

'And you're never gonna lose it. Remember that?'

'He didn't want you to be the only boy there'

'without a father.'

'I had to rub liniment on his back for a month.'

'When you were born, he's the only one

'you'd let hold you without crying.'

'He used to say to me'

'"I just hope I live long enough to see what Swee' Pea becomes.'

'He's gonna be the one."'

It's okay, Grandma.

Grandpa's still here.

With me.

That's right.

How is she?

If she just doesn't think about it too much she's alright.

Of course.

Oh God..

Why you? Why him?

What are you gonna do now? You're all alone.

[sobbing]

You had enough for one day, I think.

Here.

Lie down.

I'll bring you in some soup and falafel.

We're not even?

If you call $2.20 short even.

- We're even. - 'What $2.20?'

(Becky) 'You don't remember about the canasta?'

'Alright fine, I don't say a word.'

Frieda 'I won at canasta.' You couldn't get a hand.'

'As a matter of fact you ended up owing me 85 cents.'

(Becky) 'I owe you?'

You have a very creative way of looking at things.

- Here, alright, 85 cents. - No. You don't remember?

I do, you wiped up the floor with me.

- Here take your pound of flesh. - Forget it.

- Keep it. - Here! 85 cents.

- I said keep it. - Thank you.

[instrumental music]

Do you remember the smell Bibby had?

Oh, that was terrible.

Your mother asked everybody what to do.

I told her to rub some lemon juice on her.

When they did she smelled like a filly.

Swee' Pea, what are you doing to your arm?

You're gonna burst a blood vessel. You listening to me?

Its grandpa.

He's made a force field all around me.

And now no matter what happens..

...no harm can come to me.

'See, it doesn't hurt at all.'

It's hardly even red.

Nothing hurts me.

I'm Superman.

[doorbell ringing]

Excuse me.

That hurt?

[doorbell ringing]

[indistinct chattering]

You are Norma.

I am Joe Meledandri.

I am so sorry for your father.

Come in.

(Joe) 'Thank you.'

[indistinct chattering]

Excuse me.

I remember Jack told me once I could have his Cuban cigars.

I could've sworn he kept 'em here.

Yeah, he had handkerchiefs I once admired.

I'm looking for Pearl.

- She's around. - Thank you.

With Gibson, who can touch the Cardinals? The Mets are a joke.

Kranepool's havin' a good year.

Excuse me.. Excuse..

Look at her.

'She wouldn't come inside the cemetery.'

'She's not a well woman.'

'She dresses up like characters in movies.'

I don't think she should be raising a child.

- Excuse me. - Here, you want a plate?

Lonnie, she lost a baby. That can make anyone crazy.

Do you know she left the baby taking a nap?

When she came back he wasn't breathing.

Like that, one year old.

Next thing we know, she's goin' to movies five nights a week.

It was very weird.

I used to think her other kid Swee' Pea was normal.

Now he says he's Superman.

Where is Pearl?

- Pearl? - Yes.

I think she's in the bedroom.

Thank you.

[sobbing]

Who are you? You're looking for the bathroom?

Um, no, I just..

I have waited so long to meet you.

Joe Meledandri.

I knew your husband many years ago.

I'm so sorry.

- Thank you. - Please.

Please.

- Here. - Thank you.

But those tears are pearls.

Which thy love sheds.

And they are rich.

'And ransom all ill deeds'

'Not me.'

Shakespeare. 34th sonnet.

Who's that?

She's crying.

You alright? I brought some soup.

- I'm alright. - Who is this?

Excuse me. Joe Meledandri. How do you do?

My sister's upset, Joe. She needs rest.

- Oh yes. - She'll feel better.

When she's not prancing around this big apartment.

- Sure. Too many memories. - What? Where's she going?

We want her to come live near us in Florida.

You'll come too, ma.

- What? - I never said yes.

What do you mean? You wanna sit alone here.

Like a dog the rest of your life?

How come I didn't hear of this?

- What is she thinking? - You were always a sneak.

I'm not moving. Neither is mother.

Mother's in the room. She can make her own decisions.

I'm not moving to Florida.

Alright, she doesn't have to make up her mind this minute.

Why put it off?

I don't see that there's even a decision.

Don't bully me.

Bully you? You heard this.

Shh!

Pearly, no one is bullying you.

- 'What do you call it?' - Never mind.

I don't need this aggravation.

I'm only trying to help. And now I'm a bully.

- That's not what she said. - Excuse me.

I don't mean to be inappropriate but..

I would be very honored

if I can take you out for a coffee or a meal.

- Come again. - 'What?'

To talk.

I lost my wife not long ago

I think I could be a good listener.

Mr. Meledandri, my sister's been through a great deal.

Now I'm sure you're intentions are very friendly.

But I don't think it's in the best taste--

(Frieda) 'Best taste?'

She's not back five minutes from Jack's funeral.

Who are you?

Are you cousin's Minnie's kid, the gimp?

(Normy) 'Ma.'

What? I didn't see him walk in.

Oh please.

This is what you want to stay for? It's a different

world for you now, you're by yourself.

With an elderly lady and small children.

You don't have Jack here to protect you.

- He's right about that. - Of course I am.

[overlapping chatter]

- 'Yes.' - 'Huh?'

(Frieda) 'What?'

I'd love to have coffee with you.

You're very kind.

Benissimo.

(Ruthie) 'She got picked up at her own husband's funeral.'

'Now I've seen everything.'

- 'And who is that?' - 'I've never seen him before.'

(female #1) 'I've seen him on the Italian side of the boulevard.'

(male #2) 'The Italian side?'

'What the hell were you doing on the Italian side?'

(female #2) 'In two seconds flat.'

Next time, under happier circumstances.

'Goodbye.'

Goodbye.

[dramatic continues]

Yeah!

He asked her out during daddy's Shiva.

That's bad luck. That's the kinda thing you get in a car

accident on the way to the date.

It's not like she's going out on some hot date.

'Alright. Date, no date.'

Look, she asked me to come by later to help

so I'll see you then. Alright?

Bye.

* Then don't play with my heart it makes me furious *

* Oh but if you want me to love you *

* Then baby I will *

* Girl you know I will *

"You can't mourn forever."

Ah.

[melancholic music]

[music continues]

Don't turn that off.

Your breakfast is getting cold.

Swee' Pea.

Grandpa's here with me.

He needs me for something.

He needs you to stop acting so weird all of a sudden.

And eat your breakfast.

As long as he's watching, no harm can come to me.

No harm can come to you?

I know you get that from reading those comics.

When I was 12, I had a little man named Skippy

that lived behind my tongue and told me

to cut my sister's hair off in her sleep.

Now eat.

(Norma) 'Bibby!'

- What? - Hurry up already.

She's driving me crazy up here.

I am waiting for the signs to change.

It's 5:28.

[honking]

What's with her hair?

Not enough height.

She's a lightning rod.

Any higher she could trip birds.

She needs a lot of height to balance her hips.

She could balance Dumbo's hips. She's six foot seven.

We'll dress the rest of you down to make up for the hair.

You got some nice plain earrings?

Perfect.

She should take fashion tips from you?

How are you doing?

She's just a little bit nervous about her date.

It's not a date. It's coffee.

And I, I got nothing else clean.

I don't know what she's gotta see this guy for anyway.

Two weeks after daddy's gone. It's weird.

And what's the worst that'll happen?

Somebody might have a good time.

Oh, meaning what? I don't like to have a good time?

I don't like other people to have a good time?

[doorbell ringing]

- Perfect. - You look great.

You look like you've been pickin' through garbage.

I came straight from work.

[doorbell ringing]

I thought you might need my help.

Will somebody get the door?

[instrumental music]

Bella.

Bella.

'It means beautiful, beautiful.'

- So you want to go already? - Yes.

Please.

[music continues]

Ah.

[orchestral continues]

Oh, please, please.

[music continues]

You are very lucky to have such nice, gentle children.

They get it from you.

President Hoover said..

"Children are the most valuable natural resource."

Uh-hmm.

My mother Frieda says, "Better you should have chickens.

At least chickens you can eat when you're hungry."

Your daughters, are they married?

Divorced.

- Both of them. - That's too bad.

No. They'll find the right person.

Every deckle has a tepele.

What?

Every pot has a cover.

- Ah. - They'll find theirs.

Hi there. Hello there.

[music continues]

So how far we walking? My lungs are in my throat.

I want to take you some place special.

- In Queens? - Uh-huh.

Hey, Joe, remember me?

Hello.

Theresa.

[speaking Italian]

I know, I said, I'll have coffee and talk

but that was just to shut my mother up.

I really don't have time for a hike.

We are condemned to kill time, and so we die, bit by bit.

Octavio Paz.

Please.

That's a cheerful thought.

Since we're dying, could I do it in some comfortable shoes?

Why don't I go home, you can say hi to rest of the neighborhood?

[chuckling] Here we are..

It's a bar.

I don't get coffee in a bar.

This is where I met your husband.

Please.

[sighs]

- 'Hey, Joe.' - Hey.

(Paolo) 'Joe.'

- Please. - They know you here.

[chuckling]

My brother, Paolo.

Many years ago he was the bartender.

'And I was the cook. Now he owns the place.'

There are so many things I did since I left Italy.

Merchant seaman, school teacher.

I even played the accordion professionally.

In Catskill Mountains.

You teach kids with that accent?

Paolo, he was born in America.

It is him who gives me news of you. And your family.

(Pearl) 'Well look, what about Jack?'

You said you met him in here.

Jack didn't drink.

- Fine. - Hold on.

He came in one night. He was in trouble.

In trouble?

He was in trouble with himself.

- Oh. - Let me do it in my own way.

Your way I could miss Johnny Carson.

He told me he was going to run away.

Leave just a note, a few dollars and disappear.

[melancholic music]

You want to save your marriage?

What? By learning to dance?

To dance is to breathe.

Give life into an empty heart.

I can't.

I'm leaving her this. And I'm walking out the door.

(Joe) 'He was so upset. Full of love.'

'Doing what he thought was the right thing.'

'But then he told me about his wife.'

'And when he did..'

'...he became a poet.'

'He talked about a jewel full of fire'

'that had turned..'

...into a pair of big, wet eyes.

And no non-sense get it done hence.

In the middle of Sunnyside

there was a damsel in distress.

And no knight to save her.

This is crazy.

(Joe) 'So I said'

'"It's not too late.'

'Go home and dance with her."'

Dance with her? I can't even talk with her.

This is ridiculous.

You don't know her, you don't know me.

This woman you describe I never met her but..

..I'm sure I'm right.

Why do you talk so crazy? She'd laugh.

No. You know what she'd do?

She'd turn around to the stove and bury herself in her cooking.

Not if you take her hand like this.

Pull her.

Press her cheek to yours. And..

* The sky fell down *

* When I met you *

* The green of the countryside *

* Has turned to blue *

* I had the moon.. **

(Joe) 'Then, I stood beneath your window pane..'

'...when he took you in his arms like a pearl'

'I saw it all.'

'You are not a woman destroyed.'

'I saw a woman haunted'

'by the ghost of her own grace.'

'And I fell hopelessly and pointlessly..'

'...in love.'

[melancholic music]

And now for 23 years

I was haunted by this vision of you..

...dancing in the wrong man's arms.

[music continues]

- I have to go. - No, please, wait.

I can't stay.

[honking]

[indistinct chattering]

My whole life

'I don't remember a day when I could stay in bed till 2:30.'

'And get away with it.'

'Come on, you still have a house to run.'

'And I'm too old to run it for you.'

He quotes this one, she quotes that one.

And that's a conversation?

You know, all your kids are weird.

Me?

Your daughter's a Jew for Jesus.

Did I say I was perfect?

Remember I told you at the Shiva

when the kids were all talking about moving to Florida?

Yeah.

I hear it's nice there. They have trees.

You need trees? You're gonna climb them?

Look who's talking. You can't even climb a stoop.

- You want a spoon? - No.

The Deep dale nursing home

is gonna be beautiful when it's finished.

It's right up the block.

It's too humid in Florida.

- It's humid here too. - Exactly.

So, who needs Florida?

Look who's back. Where you been all day?

Out.

'I know out.'

'This is on "Weight Watchers?"'

I'm taking the kids on a picnic.

I got 'em in the car waiting.

You left the kids in the car? That's not safe.

- They're fine. - How do you know?

They could suffocate.

Did you open the window so they could get some air?

They're not dogs, ma.

If they wanna have air they can open the window themselves.

Besides they're not alone.

I have a friend down there with them.

(Pearl) 'Oh.'

'A male friend?'

Yes. A male friend.

'Umm. And he know about the kids?'

He's sitting in the car with 'em, ain't he?

Of course he knows about the kids.

Anyway it's not like that. He's a friend-friend.

A trip to Bendel's and an hour at the beauty parlor

you'd be surprised how fast a "friend-friend" could become

a-bring-him-home-to meet-your-mother friend.

- 'What's his name?' - Carl.

Carl, he's a Nazi?

- No. - 'This is not a Jewish name.'

So that makes him a Nazi? He's not a Jewish man.

You left him alone in a car with Mark and Rhonda? What's he do?

If I knew third degree came with the invitation to stay here.

I'd have never moved back.

What's he do?

He plays the zither.

Oh, the zither.

Now that's a nice instrument.

Not too many people play that instrument anymore.

Is there a large demand for zither players nowadays?

Look, ma, I really gotta go.

Fine, don't mind me I just pay the rent.

You always do this.

You never have time when I need to talk

But if I'm running out the door..

Who's stopping? Go. You got your kids down there

gasping for air with a zither playing Nazi.

You're some prize, you know that.

Alright you wanna talk? Let's talk.

Why don't you tell me about your new friend-friend?

Don't keep your kids waiting too long with a stranger.

You can talk to him all day in German.

[door closes]

Pearl. Please, Pearl, listen to me.

I am sorry for yesterday. I know..

You lose your husband and right away I open my big mouth

and I upset you. It was wrong and I apologize.

I never meant to insult Jack's memory.

I don't blame you for running away, please, Pearl.

Old man, I didn't leave because I was angry.

I left because I wasn't.

And I don't know what to do about it, okay?

Never will you regret this day.

Pearl, I show you the world.

I'll bring you all that you deserve.

You, you don't understand.

I'm in mourning for my husband of 37 years, okay?

So I can't see you.

I can't have coffee with you.

I can't talk to you like this on the street.

I'm sorry but it's just not right. Good bye.

[dramatic music]

[indistinct chatter]

Come on, pay me what you owe me.

55 cents I owe you. I told you, write it down

then we won't have all these problems.

Don't talk to me, you don't write anything down.

(Frieda) 'I can't hold a pencil from the arthritis.'

The heat.

The arthritis I've got, you shouldn't know...

You are more gnarled.

You, I scare the trick-or-treaters.

My thighs are stuck to the bench.

My left eye had a cataract.

I had to have it removed.

- Huh? - Cataract?

They're very painful, cataracts.

You see that needle coming at your eye.

I've seen needles that you'd faint from.

- I was a volunteer. - I baked bread for Korea.

Your bread, no wonder we lost.

- We did not lose in Korea. - My bread?

[laughing]

We lost the war because of the disease

Mrs. Know-it-all.

(Bibby) 'What disease?'

- The euthanasia. - What you talking, euthanasia?

The disease. I read it in News week.

All the youth in Asia got the disease

where they get paralyzed and, and..

And they want the right to die

but the machines keep them breathing.

'It's happening there.'

[sighs]

(Bibby) 'Three weeks, he's been standing underneath her window.'

Don't say a word. Just looks up.

I can't look up or turn my head with this neck.

Look at him.

* Where are the words to tell you.. **

I have been up all night.

Creating something for you.

'I have waited 23 years.'

I will wait no longer. Excuse me.

[piano music]

* Where are the words to tell you *

* All that is in my heart *

* How do you say what words cannot say *

* How to even start *

* Can I describe my yearning *

* Looking into your eyes *

* Poets have ways of making a phrase *

* I am not so wise *

* No words to tell you *

* No except to tell you *

* But where are *

* The words *

You wrote that about me?

What else is there to write about?

Pearl, I want to ask you a question.

Why me?

Make me a happy man.

Let me cook you dinner.

That's it? That's what was so important?

I'm Italian, we take cooking very seriously.

The Irish say "There is no greater love

than the love of food."

Yeah, well, look what they eat?

And let me cook for your family too.

So, what do you say?

[slow instrumental music]

It's too soon.

I know.

But is there really a time clock..

...for the memory of a husband?

A few months, a few years, what's the difference?

You will feel this way for the rest of your life.

As I will for my wife.

Please, its only dinner.

Why should you have to cook for them every day?

Hmm?

Not too spicy, we're Jewish.

We take gas very seriously.

[singing in Italian]

(Paolo) He's drunk.

[indistinct chattering]

Well, my brother always cooks drunk.

Because he believes that the meal's poetry

is locked in the bottles, so he drinks.

[singing in Italian]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[humming]

[indistinct chattering]

- 'Is he alright in there?' - Sure.

(man on TV) 'The Mets are winning handily here in St. Louis.

'On a sizzling early July day.'

'And the promising rookie Garry Gentry has great stuff.'

'And if the Mets can win today..'

Hello?

(Paolo) 'Oh, hi.'

'Uh...you know Vic and Eddie?'

- Hi. - Hi.

- How you doin'? - Hi.

- Here, please. - Oh, thank you.

You're such a gentleman.

- So, who's winning? - Mets. Three-one.

Oh, really, the Mets?

She's probably the first woman who's ever sat

'and watched a game with him in 20 years.'

I think, I better go save her. Come on, Jessica.

[indistinct chattering]

[chattering continues]

Will you excuse me. Just one minute.

Pleasure.

Paolo.

- Norma, right? - Yes, right, Norma.

Norma, do you play rummy-q?

- Do I what? - 'My wife, Rose.'

She plays rummy-q every Friday night.

'Do you know what I do Friday nights?'

I don't care.

I go to the Run Around you know.

It's a bar on First Avenue, I go there.

'All alone.'

Did you know that I'm a psychiatrist?

You don't say.

Very difficult to...keep a secret desire

from a psychiatrist.

What winks and screws like a tiger.

Ugh.

Rangoon, Port-au-Prince.

Your father's so full of life.

Must have been great being raised by someone like that.

I wasn't raised by someone like that.

I had the best foreign stamp collection of any kid

on my block from something like that.

(Joe) 'Uh-huh.'

Smells great, papa.

[indistinct chattering]

I used to pretend I lived everywhere.

When I was a little girl.

Paris, Singapore.

Now I'd be happy just to get out of Sunnyside.

In Singapore they say

"Love is the food of life but travel is the dessert."

(Rose) 'Hi, honey.'

(Joe) 'Sometimes I ask myself, if I had a choice'

'would I do it again?'

Yes.

But next time I'll bring my children.

[orchestral music]

[indistinct chattering]

[music continues]

So this is where you learned to dance.

I've never been in a bar in my life.

And now twice in a month.

[melancholic music]

I wondered how long it'd take me to become

one of those widows who talks to their dead husbands.

What am I gonna do about this Joe character?

The man's a foreigner.

Half the time I don't even know what he's talking about.

[sighs]

Give me a sign, Jack.

Something.

Ladies and gentlemen, the muse has been kind tonight.

Dinner is served.

[indistinct chattering]

[orchestral music]

What is this?

What is it, actually?

Give some to your brother.

Did you make this?

Small.

That's it.

This spumoni is so delicate, Joe.

Do I detect a dash of grenadine?

That's enough for us, missy.

You leave the seconds to the skinny marinks.

[chattering continues]

[sobbing]

- What're you doing? - I can't help it.

Pearl.

You can count your blessings.

I usually do it as soon as I clear a course.

See that way, I got all my dishes cleaned

and put away by the time the meal's over.

Are you saying you don't enjoy the meal?

Believe me, if I knew that I had dirty dishes pilin' up

in my kitchen, I'd enjoy the meal a lot less.

We gotta soak those pans, Joe.

Otherwise that gristle is never gonna come off.

It's not gristle, it's Cacciatore.

Yeah. In half an hour it's gonna be glue.

Okay.

No nonsense, get it done hence.

Didn't take you long to get Frank's tongue

hangin' out of his mouth.

- What? - I saw you flirtin' with him.

Really, Norma. It's not enough your marriage is busted up

you have to bust up someone else's?

Boy are you off the mark? He came on to me.

Ha ha. Right.

Look, it does happen to some women.

Look, Bibby, I'm sorry.

But why do you always have to start in?

Then I have to hit back and it's just so stupid.

- We're grownups. - Oh, I forgot.

I'm not the one who starts, I'm the one who takes it.

That's right. Only you're allowed to start in.

Only you're allowed to get whatever the hell you want

your whole skinny perfect life.

Does the food magically jump from the plate into your mouth?

Alright, alright. We've drunk a little too much.

Come on, Norma. Tell your sister you love her.

Joe, you're not my father yet.

Norma?

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "For ever minute.

"you're angry, you've lost 60 seconds of peace of mind."

And Norma Schulman says, "Fuck Ralph Waldo Emerson."

In my family, we don't use the mouths

that kiss our mothers to spit garbage.

Alright. I knew this was a bad idea. Go on, kids.

Go to the room. Get all your things.

She just takes me by surprise.

She's alright. She just does what she has to do.

- She has to make a scene? - Don't start.

It's not normal the way she acts.

I mean, look at her.

What kind of example do you set for your son?

You know somebody oughta smack you.

I'm sorry, but being fat isn't the worst thing

that can happen to a person.

Sometimes, a smack on the tuchus goes a long way.

Your husband, may he rest in peace

'would have learned that lesson.'

Oh yeah?

My husband never gave anybody a reason to spit garbage.

Okay. Okay.

Stop giving me the evil eye, you old bat.

All night long with that look. Twit, twit, twit.

[speaking Italian]

[overlapping chatter]

What? What are you doing?

Are you really a psychiatrist?

Uh, yeah, sure.

- Come on. I need your help. - What?

[speaking Italian]

Where's Swee' Pea?

(Bibby) 'I'm sure he's fine.'

Did anybody see him go to the bathroom?

He went for a walk with Frank.

I'll tell you another thing.

You didn't solve anything by not going to daddy's funeral.

It was cruel and you upset mommy.

- Bibby? - 'She should have gone.'

You have the nerve to sit there

and say I've gotten whatever the hell I wanted in my life?

Don't you dare tell me what I should and what I shouldn't do.

Not until you bury a child.

Swee' Pea?

[speaking Italian]

(Frank) 'Alright, so we're here. What're you gonna do?'

(Swee' Pea) 'This is the final test.'

'You're the doctor and now we'll see if I'm crazy.'

(Frank) Well, who says you're crazy?

Look, do you see that?

Yeah. So?

That's the third rail. Thirty thousand volts.

- Hey! Wait! - Don't worry.

- Nothing can hurt me. - Swee' Pea, get back here.

Oops.

- It's okay, I'm Superman. - No!

No!

[train whistle blowing]

Oh God.

Can you help me?

Yes. Yes, I can help you.

What if you can't help?

You're gonna be alright. It-it's gonna be alright, buddy.

Please, no more, no more tests.

Swee' Pea, you know, you grabbed the cover.

The third rail is very dangerous.

You're gonna have to come to my office.

Promise you won't tell my mother.

No. I-I have to.

No. I'll do it..

...when she's not in a crazy mood.

Okay.

Why was everybody yelling at each other tonight?

That upset you?

That's just how this family is.

We yell.

But why do families have to yell?

They don't.

We do.

Now go to sleep.

- Sweet dreams. - Goodnight.

Goodnight.

- I love you. - I love you too.

- Same here. - And here.

[orchestral music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

- Come on. - Here, let me get it for you.

[indistinct muttering]

I cannot take this air conditioner from that man.

He don't use it. It just sits in the basement gathering dust.

It's a Carrier. That's the best there is.

But I don't want it. You take it back.

You kiddin'? I don't know how I got it this far.

- I told you, use your back. - Not the back, the chest.

Stick it on your head for all I care.

Get rid of it, okay?

He feels bad about the dinner.

An air conditioner? Who won the sweepstakes?

It's from Joe.

When you live in Florida, you can turn on the TV

if you want a soap opera.

(Lonnie) 'Florida? Who's goin' to Florida?'

Listen, I think you gotta tell your crazy brother.

Tell him yourself. I'm just the delivery man.

(Lonnie) 'You're moving to Florida?'

All I said was the kids mentioned it at the Shiva.

You don't hear.

So sue me, I don't hear. I'm old.

You're not old, you're gorgeous.

I'm not gorgeous, but I have a sweet quality.

- 'You betcha.' - I'm gonna go call him.

- 'Pearl, please.' - Hello.

- Hi, ma. - 'Bibby.'

I gotta talk to you.

Remember when we had dinner at Joe's?

'Yeah, you know what he did, he sent over an air conditioner.'

What? Look, ma. This is serious.

- So is this. - 'I gotta tell you something.'

You can talk to me later.

When do I ever call you? It's important.

I gotta tell you now.

Look, you're under my feet 24 hours a day.

I have to talk to on the phone too.

What's the number?

We didn't lose in Korea. I fought there.

- Who told you we lost? - No, I read it.

I didn't know I was gonna be interviewed by Mr. David Frost.

- Oh! - Oh-oh! Whoa.

I've been begging Harry for one.

That's only the second one in the building.

(Paolo) 'Pearl, please. Stand here.'

He says he's missed your last 23 birthdays.

It's wasted at his house.

It's delicious.

Well...well, if it's gonna be wasted.

[sighing] Hmm.

[spluttering]

[all exclaiming]

(Harry) 'Oh, nuts!'

[barking]

[instrumental music]

[barking]

[music continues]

(Joe) 'Don't do that, Swee' Pea.'

'Swee' Pea?'

'Ha ha, Swee' Pea, come here.'

Grandpa used to make me people challahwith cream cheese.

I could talk to him about anything.

And he'd never tell. Not even my mother.

Sounds like he was a very special man.

(Swee' Pea) 'Doctor Frank says I just want him to protect me'

'because I miss him.'

Doctor Frank?

You speak to him a lot?

My mother doesn't know.

'Come here.'

Put your hand here. Like this.

Ah.

Now, I'm going to show you an old Italian folk song

that was taught to me by my great grandmother

in Palermo when she was 98 years old.

Are you ready?

[accordion music]

[music playing on radio]

Um.

And where'd you get that? As if I didn't know.

Joe's gonna give me lessons.

His mother won't like it.

Ah...makes them iron better.

Uh-huh.

So? Can I keep it here? Please?

Okay, go stick it in the bedroom closet.

Best way to the cow is through the calf, huh?

Pearl.

I caught him trying to get a dog to bite him.

Oh. What are you up to now?

I know this is not my business. And Jack never would have told.

But some things should not be left in the hands of children.

And suddenly you wrote the book on raising children?

So he acts strange. I've got news for you, so do you.

Pearl.

You worry about your family, we'll take care of our own.

You know, he sees a psychiatrist behind his mother's back.

What?

My son-in-law.

Pearl, it's like a break in my heart to bring you bad news

but this is not acting strange, this a little boy in pain.

I've raised kids a lot of years, okay?

I did too.

But I did it in person.

The Tibetans say, "If a man shuts his eyes during the day

he cannot sleep in peace at night."

Enough, I think I know better how to handle my own family

than the Tibetans or you.

And that's why I told you.

There're some things that shouldn't be left

in the hands of children.

Look, ma. He's my kid.

Right, now some witch doctor has got him strapped to a couch.

He's not strapped to anything. He's goin' because he wants to.

Why? He knows I'm here.

But who the hell knows who you are?

When he looks, he don't know if he's seein' his mother

or Zsa Zsa Gabor.

'I'm sorry, Norma.'

(female #3) 'Come on, lady.'

Look, I got a rock in my heart with what you went through.

'I think I've kept the kid gloves on a little too long.'

[indistinct chatter]

[man on radio] 'In stadium history, the Mets and Cubs, every game a sellout'

'Jerry Koosman won the first game and Tom Seaver, the second'

'so the Mets..'

Grandma, Mark threw the ball in the water. Can I go get it?

No, you just ate. It hasn't been an hour.

- Okay. - Your turn.

Could you go get it?

Alright, I'll get it. Where is it?

- Bon giorno. - What are you doing?

Why don't you roll up your pants?

I was in a rush.

Why? Got some more news about somebody else in my family?

No.

[sighing] I talked to Norma, in my own way.

A mother knows what to say.

And this is the way?

Why they didn't come in the pool?

Jews don't swim.

They can't eat at the same time. Their hair gets wet.

It had to be 90 degrees to get those people in the water.

You're beautiful, beautiful--

Bella, bella. Yeah,I know.

Eh, is this so weird..

...for somebody to wait 23 years

for someone they don't even know.

I'm not Nana Turner, you know.

I don't like blondes.

[speaking Italian]

Absence diminishes little passion

but increases great ones.

Like the wind blows out a candle

but fans a fire.

[speaking French]

So you speak French.

'You are more than beautiful. You are the morning dew.'

The joy in the baby's laughter. You are the sun in the sky.

[laughing] It's enough already.

I'm not the sun in the sky.

'You're right.'

You were not..

...until you smiled.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Oh, my God!

[music continues]

Two, bam.

Ahem.

[opera music on radio]

[humming]

[music continues]

[music continues]

(Pearl) 'Chicken's ready.'

I'm not hungry.

What?

I'm not hungry.

I'm movin' to California.

You're what?

Me and the kids. We're movin' to..

Where are you goin'?

You mind if I sit down?

I've been on my feet for the last 56 years.

I have to, ma.

There's nothing for me here, you know that.

Oh, I see.

I thought about it a lot.

I already lined up a job. An apartment.

So when were you planning to tell me?

Or was I supposed to figure when you stopped showin' for meals?

Every time I tried to talk to you

I either can't get up the nerve or else you start hawkin' me

and I never seem to get it out.

[sighing] So, Bibby, when are you planning to make this move?

Tomorrow morning. We're driving across.

And please, don't call me "Bibby" anymore.

Why not? What's wrong with Bibby?

I've asked you to use my real name.

Barbara?

No, Bibby's a perfectly good name.

Bibby is not a name, ma.

It's what an infant uses to keep food

from drooling down its shirt.

You might as well know

my last name isn't Berman anymore either.

It's LaSalle.

Barbara LaSalle.

Well? Aren't you gonna say something?

I'm speechless. I'm struck dumb.

Bibby Berman is a fat, unhappy little girl.

I deserve a beautiful name, ma. Like...Simone Signoret.

- She's French. - Or Brigitte Bardot.

She's also French.

Besides Brigitte Bardot probably means Bibby Berman in French.

Forget your name.

You wanna change something, buy a decent dress.

Look, I don't know why you're taking this personally.

I'm not takin' it personally.

If you wanna change your name, fine.

It's just when you got a humpback

why spend money on a nose job?

- What? - Hm.

You are a piece of work, ma.

Oh, would you ever say somethin' that mean to Norma?

Do you even know that it's mean?

What's mean is you shovin' in my face how your father's name

a man who would walk through fire for you

is not good enough for you.

Why? Apparently, it's not good enough for you either.

How dare you?

No. How dare you? How dare you, ma?

How dare you treat Norma like some goddamn tragic beauty

and not even call me by my real name?

- All you ever did was poke fun. - That is not true.

You told people I smelled, ma.

Big joke, huh?

Yeah, that's a riot to a 10 year-old girl.

Well, I have my kids.

I would never poke fun if they were hurtin'.

But you-you got one kid livin' in a fantasy world

and another kid running clear across the country

just to get away from you.

You're so scared to face yourself alone in the mirror

you're kissin' strangers in front of the whole neighborhood.

Well, I'm goin' to California.

Maybe I'll make mistakes just like I did when I married David

but you can just save your put-downs and your big advice

because I refuse to let you keep me from trying.

Since when could I ever stop you from hurtin' yourself?

Jesus!

You just don't get it, do ya?

No, I don't get it. I don't want to get it.

I don't wanna know so much, Bibby, I never did.

What good would it do me, huh?

I'd still have some lunatic Italian tellin' me

I should run off with him

and a husband who'd have left me

if he didn't learn to dance in some bar.

Not to mention, two divorced daughters.

Mm-hmm, go.

You wanna go? Go.

It's not the first time I've been abandoned.

Daddy's dying was not abandonment

it was dying.

What's your excuse?

That I wasn't here for you when your marriage failed?

And you moved back home with your two kids into my apartment?

You want me to say everything is my fault?

I'm not gonna do it.

You think I was mean to you?

You think I didn't do enough for you?

I'm sorry, but I had couple of other things on my mind.

Like a depression and the war.

And your father, God bless him

sleepwalking through your whole childhood!

God forbid, I should know myself the way you know yourself.

God Forbid, I should ask myself those questions.

Like what happened to my life? Did I deserve more?

Did I ever for one second get as much as I gave?

God forbid, I should ask those questions

because if I looked inside myself

and I really saw what I shut out for my whole life

what I really missed, then come from out of me such a rage

it would blow this building apart

and it would blow you into a million little pieces

and it would blow Queens of the face of the goddamn map.

[glass shattering]

[instrumental music]

- 'Hello, Benjamin.' - 'Oh, hello.'

- 'May I sit down?' - 'Of course.'

[audience laughing]

- 'How are you?' - 'Very well.'

[audience laughing]

(actress) 'You don't have to be so nervous, you know?'

(actor) 'Nervous? Well, I am a bit nervous.'

'I mean it's pretty hard to be suave when you're..'

- 'Did you get us a room?' - 'What?'

- 'Have you got us a room yet?' - 'I haven't. No.'

'Do you want to?'

[audience laughing]

Shh.

(actor) 'Well, I don't. I mean I could or we could just talk.'

- 'You want me to get it?' - 'You? Oh no. No, I'll get it.'

(actress) 'Do you want to get it now?'

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

* And here's to you Mrs. Robinson *

* Jesus loves you more than you will know *

What's new, tiger?

Well, well. Norma Schulman.

* Heaven holds a place for those who pray *

* Hey hey hey *

* Hey hey hey *

[growling]

You don't have to be so nervous you know.

- I'm not nervous. - You want to get us a room?

- Uh, alright. - Do you want to get it now?

Um...yeah. I'll get it now.

Do you want me to get it?

No, no. I'll...I'll get it.

Why don't you get it?

* Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you *

* Woo woo woo.. **

Such a pleasant room.

Do you have an ashtray?

Oh, I forgot. The track star doesn't smoke.

- What? - What's wrong?

Mrs. Robinson..

...you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?

No, I hadn't thought of it, but I'm flattered.

No, "The Graduate." That's where I've seen this.

Well, what do you know about that?

Will you unzip my dress?

Do you want me to seduce you?

Is that what you're trying to say to me?

I don't know. I mean, I just saw that movie, um..

Mrs. Robinson, you're my parent's friend.

I'm in love with your daughter.

Bring me my purse.

Uh, no, I'll...I'll leave it at the top of the stairs.

Now I'm getting pretty tired of all this suspicion.

If you won't do me a simple favor

then I don't know what.

You know, you do this well. This is, this is terrific.

[moaning]

'Uh, what are those for?'

Are you sure this was in "The Graduate?"

I-I-I got it.

I, uh..

I think you have this mixed up with another movie.

Perhaps, uh, a foreign movie.

Ow!

'What's that for?'

Alright. Um, let me out of these things.

I'm serious. Where's the key, Norma?

Let me go.

Ow!

'What are you crazy?'

You are the doctor, doctor.

Now, I want to know..

...what does my son say to you in that office?

Ow!

What? Are you kidding me?

Do I look like I'm kidding, numbnuts?

I want to know what he tells you and what you tell him.

It's unethical. Ow!

Unethical?

I know what you guys do.

Do you really think I would let you rub your dirty little hands

all over my son's brain?

Swee' Pea is fine.

Why is it that as soon as someone has just a little bit

of imagination, suddenly they're crazy?

Now, first off, I want you to swear

that you will never see my son again.

- Well? - I can-I can't.

Well?

Ow! Alright, I promise.

- Good. - Ow!

Oh.

[Frank groaning]

Oh my God.

Ow!

Ah!

[instrumental music]

I don't use Tupperware. I can't get it to burp.

I only use it to freeze.

Oh, I don't think, you're supposed to freeze Tupperware.

Who says?

I don't know. I read it. Family Circle.

Alright, I've seen it.

- Now, let's go. - Oh, no, no, you promised.

Don't you wanna see where I'm gonna live?

Even you might like it.

Isn't this place near where you were mugged?

I wasn't mugged. I gave it to him.

- He had a knife. - That's why I gave it to him.

- That's mugging. - No.

Mugging is when they take it from you.

Oh. You're getting technical.

Come on.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

Aah!

[speaking French]

(female #4) 'May I help you?'

'Are you here for the open house?'

I'm Muriel Jacobs. What's your name?

You have to jiggle the handle.

Are you alright?

Wait here.

- Leave me alone. - Leave me alone.

- 'Don't imitate.' - 'Don't imitate.'

- 'Get off me.' - 'Get off me.'

- 'Mark.' - 'Mark.'

(Rhonda) 'You're such a baby.'

- Bibby, what a.. - I'm leaving.

(Bibby) I, uh..

I just stopped by to say..

I don't know..

...you scared me when you showed up, Joe.

'But I think I understand now.'

You wait and you wait and you could only wait so long

till you gotta try and make your life..

...I don't know, like, the way you see it in your head.

I learned that from you.

'Have you talked to your mother?'

I can't explain that to her

'cause she thinks it means I don't love her.

'Yes, I know.'

You..

'...you may be the only one left'

'with a chance of breakin' through.'

Yes.

And if you ever do, please, tell her I love her.

I do, but...I gotta do it from a distance.

Uh, Bibby? Bibby?

The air conditioner. Is it still broken?

Yeah.

- Are you crying, mommy? - Come on. We gotta go.

- Where are we going now? - We're going to California.

Yes, we're going to California.

Oh!

[instrumental music]

He must've had a hundred ties, huh?

Altogether they weren't worth more than a dollar.

[music continues]

Well, Taylor, you had some cheap taste.

[music continues]

* The sky fell down *

* When I met you *

* The green of the countryside *

"Didn't know you were so sentimental."

* I had the moon *

* Right on my fingertips *

* And when first we kissed *

* There were stars on your lips *

* To be with you *

* Just made it seem *

* That walking on snowy clouds *

* Was not a dream *

* You gave to me *

* All this and heaven too **

(Harry) 'Give me a wrench.'

- 'One wrench.' - 'Which one?'

(Harry) 'Give me the bigger wrench. C'mon, give me.'

(Normy) 'Stop banging it. You'll break it.'

'I know that there's a flange here.'

(Harry) 'You don't even know what a flange is. Look.'

This little thing. Look, can you bend..

(Normy) Stop banging the damn..

- 'It's crooked, Harry.' - 'You're crooked.'

[Pearl sobbing]

Pearl?

How many times have we broke over the years?

'What kind of idiot would leave 300 dollars in a shoe?'

The kind who wants you to find it after he's dead.

You know, Pearl, it wouldn't make such a bad dowry.

[doorbell ringing]

Did they call the repairman?

You know how much those guys get?

I know what you're going to say, "It's too soon. It's too crazy."

You know what I say? "Who the hell cares."

Grab him.

And hold on to him until your knuckles are raw.

Don't wait till you're 80..

...and alone to realize how precious life is.

- 'Why not? It's our right.' - 'Bravo! Terrific.'

He won't quit.

No, he just won't quit.

- 'Man, terrific.' - Bravo.

- Okay. - Great.

- Ten seconds he took. - Didn't even use a wrench.

Perhaps we could talk alone?

- Pearl, that-- - No.

My life has always made sense to me.

It's not glamorous.

I haven't been a merchant singer.

I don't know how to play the accordion

but I always thought I knew just enough

that I needed to know.

Turns out I-I was wrong.

You were right.

So you want a price?

Here.

Don't sentence me for another man's crime.

I'm here. Now.

I don't have to sentence you.

You make no sense in my life already.

Too much sense is not good.

That's true for you, Joe, because you're a little boy.

So why don't you just do what you do best and run away?

Because I love you.

I love you.

I can't say it any other way..

...but, Pearl, I think you'll never hear me.

It's about time you got home.

- What's she talking about? - I don't know she's..

I didn't hear you leave this morning.

I knew I raised a weirdo..

...I never thought I raised a snake.

- Hey, Swee' Pea. - Everybody's looking.

Oh! Well why don't you go complain to Dr. Frank?

Oh that's right, I forgot.

You can't.

Because I've had a long talk with Dr. Frank.

And I've cancelled all your appointments.

Swee' Pea, he's a quack.

- Leave me alone. - He can't help you.

Ma, is Swee' Pea by you?

When?

No. Maybe he's on his way home.

Bye.

[dramatic music]

I'm sorry.

[music continues]

[women shouting]

- You go back. - Look out, Joey!

[indistinct shouting]

Oh!

[indistinct]

[speaking Italian]

Let's go, huh?

Oh, what you really think grandpa was gonna protect you?

He did.

He sent Joe.

Stop it! This is not a game anymore.

What is your problem, Swee' Pea? Talk to me!

Why are you so crazy? Why do you have to be so crazy?

Give me a break. So I'm a little bit crazy, so what?

'No one else's mother is.'

Oh yeah? Stop a few people on the street.

and ask if their mothers are crazy.

- See how many say "yes." - 'But you're really crazy.'

Alright. So I'm crazy.

That's what makes you think that grandpa made you invincible?

- No. - 'Then what?'

He needs me.

I need you.

I don't care.

'You have to care.'

But I'm afraid of you.

[chuckles] Afraid of me? Why?

'Leave me alone.'

No. Why are you afraid?

When I act like I act

it is just so I can get out of bed in the morning.

Don't you understand?

I had something terrible happen to me.

It happened to me too!

Michael died on me too!

Daddy left me too!

Everything that happened to you, happened to me.

And you went crazy.

And now I'm crazy.

Just like you.

Sweetheart..

Listen to me.

It's not something that you catch like a cold.

You're not me.

You are the bravest

sweetest little boy in the whole world.

And I would never let anything hurt you.

Especially not me.

So you can play the accordion.

You can see a doctor.

You can do whatever you need to.

We'll work it out.

But just stop pulling these stunts, Swee' Pea.

I'm begging you.

Okay?

I'm sorry.

You don't have to be Superman anymore.

Oh.

- Thank you. - For what?

- For being a mensch. - Of course.

What is a mensch?

A man.

A good and decent man.

Anybody would have done the same.

Pearl...marry me.

Is that the last bottle of that wine?

Marry me.

Marry you, Joe? You don't even know me.

And I don't know you either.

What do you want to know?

Make a list.

Alright. How come you never talk about your wife?

Well..

...she was older than me.

She wanted to have children before it was too late.

She liked the way I said mio caro.

My dear.

But she always knew this was not the real thing.

Pearl, you are the real thing.

You're not Jewish.

And I can't help it, I find that very uncomfortable.

And you're not Italian, so what?

I love you.

This is most important.

I'm too old.

And I'm not strong enough to face a whole 'nother life.

No, let me be strong.

I'm a safe place.

'No where's a safe place.'

'There are no guarantees.'

- I'm a guarantee. - 'Stop, Joe.'

You talk and you talk.

And I know what you want to do

is make me feel things I've never felt before.

But when am I gonna find

your note saying you just decided to leave me.

You wanna give me a guarantee?

You guarantee me you're not gonna die.

Not before me.

(Joe) 'Pearl.'

Pearl..

...I cannot tell you the future, but I can tell you this..

...and when death comes, to take me away from you

it better command

because I'm not leaving.

Like Charlie Chaplin said, "I cannot die."

"Who would God have to play jokes on?"

You have this stuff written on your hand?

Me? What about you, huh?

Deckles and tepeles and tweet tweet?

That's different. My mother taught me those.

(Joe) So?

So I know my mother personally

you don't know Charlie Chaplin.

That's got nothing to do with it.

And I know, I know the only fool

bigger than the one who knows it all

is the person who argues with him.

You can't chew with someone else's teeth.

See, this poet thing ain't so hard.

Ah-h..

...not every food is worth chewing.

[speaking Italian]

Even cheap borscht is a blessing for the toothless.

Are all your mother's quotes?

And about teeth.

Yeah. Well, she is almost 80, they were on her mind.

So..

You haven't actually said, "Yes."

Pearl, you'll marry me?

This you won't believe.

She told me she won't marry me until we sleep together.

- She said that? - Yeah.

Yes, but she means sleep sleep.

Her and Jack, they didn't fit together.

For 37 years, she couldn't get comfortable.

I think she's waiting.

Waiting for a sign that it's alright.

No. Are you nuts?

She wants to check the merchandise

before she plunks her money down.

- You think? - Sure.

She's a lady. She's being subtle.

What's she's supposed to say, come on over and hump me

'and if it works it's yours for life.'

'Here's what you do..'

...when you get into bed with her..

...you sigh.

Sigh?

Rapturously like her beauty

is so breathtaking you have to swoon.

You are crazy.

'Alright, then do one of your quotes.'

No, I think she's sick of the poets.

Then I'm telling you, sigh.

Try it.

[sighs]

No, not like you stuck your feet in the tub of hot water.

Like words fail you.

Sigh..

...for her lovely long neck.

[sighs]

For her fine tapered fingers.

[sighs]

Her full welcoming breasts.

[sighs]

Maybe don't use that one, she's old, it's scary.

Paulo, look! They're comin' up.

(man on TV) 'Hey, Neil. We can see you coming down the ladder now.'

(Neil Armstrong) 'I'm at the foot of the ladder, the LEM footpads are only..'

Paulo, this is an age of poetry..

...and miracles..

[indistinct chattering]

(male #3) 'They're coming down the ladder. Look, now they're coming down.'

(female #5) 'It's happening..'

I can see them. Look, I can see them.

[indistinct chatter on TV]

(Neil Armstrong on TV) 'And I'll step off the ladder now.'

'It's one small step for aman.'

'One giant leap for mankind.'

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

You alright? You need a bicarb?

No.

[sighs]

I don't want you to take this personally

but you have some very peculiar habits.

Like taking advice from foolish old men.

Goodnight, Pearl.

Goodnight.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chattering]

And then the priest is gonna say something about Jesus

and then you have to say

"our father who art in heaven."

"Our father who art in heaven."

"Hallowed be thy name."

"Hallowed be thy name."

"Lead us not into Penn Station."

"Lead us not into Penn Station."

I beat you by ten minutes, you took Southern State?

Sunrise Highway.

Sunrise Highway? Are you crazy there's a million lights.

I got a radio. I don't mind the lights.

Harry, I look okay?

Come here.

* Moon over Miami *

* Shine on my love and me *

* So we can stroll *

* Beside the role of the rolling sea *

* Moon over Miami **

What do you want?

I want you to come with me to Florida

- What? - You heard me.

The house is big. There's an electric oven. Come.

You want that?

Of course I want that.

The toilet is quiet.

You won't have to jiggle the handle.

I had Ruthie try it out.

What do you say?

I say, you're crazy.

All of a sudden, she wants me to come to Florida.

(Aunt Ruthie) 'Oh my God!'

You look just like you were at 22.

You look beautiful.

(Aunt Ruthie) 'Like some kind of princess in a fairy tale.'

So, I saw the rabbi. Where's the priest?

He's around. Hippies, the both of 'em.

Nobody else would do it.

Tell me..

...do you know anything about some present from Joe?

A groom don't give the bride a present.

I don't wanna hear it.

I took the Expressway. Okay?

I took the Expressway.

[chuckles]

[sighs] It's about time.

Oh, you look so handsome.

'Where's your mother?'

Don't worry, grandma. She'll be here soon.

She had something she had to do.

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

So tell me..

...is there ever a moment in all this time

when you didn't think that this day would come?

Do you want to know the real truth?

Not one single solitary second.

- Daddy! The present's here. - Oh.

(Paolo) What?

(Pearl) Forgive me, Jack.

[instrumental music]

You were my present?

Joe wanted me at the wedding.

I wanted you at my wedding

So where are the kids?

Locked in the car, suffocating.

I'm kidding.

They're inside.

So how's California?

I like it.

We'll talk.

Good luck, ma.

You deserve some happiness.

Thanks.

Grant this stubborn old lady one wish.

'What's that, ma?'

I gotta call you "Bibby."

Not when anyone's around. Just when we're alone.

I don't know any Barbara.

See ya out there.

By the way, just so you remember.

Daddy changed his name when he came through Ellis Island.

I mean, really, what does it matter anyway?

You really do look beautiful.

You too, my kid.

They're eating before the ceremony.

You stop them.

Mets gonna win the Series

and my mother wouldn't let me listen to it in the car.

What's the score?

It's tied.

Three up. Top of the eighth.

I don't think you remember Aunt Louisa

when we went for dinner at Uncle Paolo's bar.

[indistinct chattering]

No. No.

[sobbing]

You in there?

You decided yet?

(Becky) 'Could you give me five minutes please?'

You saying this the way it would be the whole time in Florida?

'No. There are two bathrooms there. You'll never see me.'

I enjoy seeing you.

But not in the toilet.

Alright, I'm leaving.

(Becky) 'Why didn't you ask me before?'

Because I was afraid.

Afraid I'd say no?

'Afraid you'd never be able to make a change'

'after all these years.'

But I saw that Deep dale, Becky.

Then, I look at what Pearl is doing and how brave she is.

And I don't wanna send the rest of my life waiting to die.

Shh.

I know you don't want heaven..

...but we're running outta time.

Seventy-two years I know you.

It'd be nice to have a good old friend there at the end.

You mean it?

I said it. So?

So?

'What do you think?'

What do I think?

I think the next time somebody offers me a toilet

where you don't have to jiggle the handle..

...and a bunch of cockamamie palm trees..

...I'm gonna say..

* Moon over Miami *

* Shine on my love and me **

You're not gonna flush?

Oh leave me alone.

[chuckling]

- Well? - Mom, you look beautiful.

Just like everybody else.

Yeah?

Well do me a favor. Just stick by me, alright?

[indistinct chattering]

- Hey. - What?

- Why don't you sit down? - But we just got..

Look, Rose, sit down. Find a table, I'll come back.

Alright, you wanna go with me?

I'll come with you, mom.

You look beautiful.

You look great.

- Calm down. It's no tragedy. - It is.

- So what if there's no music? - It's just nerves.

Okay, you can relax, Norma's here.

Oh, the groom isn't supposed to see the bride

before the wedding.

(Joe) 'Did you hear me? What's wrong?'

The musicians are stuck with a flat on Taconic Parkway.

The Taconic?

They should've taken the Saw Mill.

No, the Major Deegan is faster than the Saw Mill.

What are you talking about? They had a flat.

No it's alright.

I can sing "Oh Promise Me."

- Oh God. - Oh no.

Fine. So get married in deathly silence.

Don't worry. There will be music.

(Pearl) 'How?'

His accordion's only two minutes away.

He's hardly had any lessons.

What's he gonna play? Scales? "Three Blind Mice?"

He's very good.

He's got a gift.

(Norma) 'You don't wanna embarrass the kid, Joe.'

Look at that face.

(Pearl) 'You wanna do it, sweetheart?'

Yes, grandma.

To have you play at my wedding

would be the crowning glory of the day.

It's something I'll never forget.

I only know one song.

Good, it'll be short.

Now go get your accordion.

(Paolo) Ready?

[indistinct chattering]

Welcome to our family.

[indistinct chatter]

(Joe) 'Bella.'

'Bella.'

I'll see you out there.

[accordion music]

[music continues]

[indistinct]

Thank you.

Do you Giuseppe Federico Meledandri..

Uh-huh.

(rabbi) '...take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife'

'to have and to hold in sickness and in health'

'till death do you apart?'

I do.

(Priest) 'And do you'

'Pearl Judith Berman, take this man'

'to be your lawful wedded husband'

'to have and to hold in sickness and in health'

'till death do you apart?'

I do.

Then in the sight of God and by the power vested in us

by the state of New York..

(both) The Mets won the Series! Yes!

[screaming]

Yes!

(rabbi) 'By the power..'

'By the power..'

'...vested in us by the state of New York'

'We now pronounce you man..

(Priest) 'And wife.'

Oh.

[instrumental music]

You may kiss the bride.

[crowd applauding]

[laughing]

(rabbi) 'You have to break the glass.'

The glass.

[glass shattering]

[crowd cheering]

[gasps]

(girl #1) 'I'm sorry. Are you alright?'

'Here. Let me help you.'

Please God. Don't let us be related.'

* The sky fell down *

* When I met you *

* The green of the countryside has turned to blue *

* I had the moon *

* Right on my fingertips *

* And when first we kissed *

* There were stars on your lips *

* To be with you *

* Just made it seem *

* That walking on snowy clouds *

* Was not a dream *

* You gave to me *

* All this and heaven too *

* When the sky fell down *

* And I met you **

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]