Original subtitles

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..

[gentle music playing]

[J.Lo] I've been married four times now.

I'm sure people watching from the outside were like,

"What is this fucking girl's problem?"

You saw kind of a compulsive behavior.

What I portrayed to the world was, oh, this didn't work out.

And it's fine, and I'm good, and they're good, and they were great,

and I was great.

And all of that was kind of bullshit.

[pop music plays]

♪ I'm still, I'm still ♪

[man] We are rolling ladies. Everybody looking this way.

Okay, camera's speeding.

♪ I'm still ♪

[man] And camera, action.

♪ I'm still, I'm still ♪

[man] Guys, quietly please, quietly please. We are rolling.

♪ I'm still ♪

♪ I'm still, I'm still ♪

[man] No, I liked where you were.

- Let's go. - [man] Yeah, let's roll.

[pop music continues]

[wedding guests screaming]

[crew member] Cutting, cut-cut!

[host] Pop superstar, Jennifer Lopez, has new music on the way.

J.Lo celebrated the 20th anniversary of her hit album,

This is Me... Then, by announcing a new project called This Is Me... Now,

a soon to be released record will chronicle Lopez's life journey

across the last 20 years with new songs about her childhood,

as well as her history of unsuccessful relationships.

♪ All my cards laid out ♪

[J.Lo] I have decided to tell my story, or tell my truth,

that I've never shared with anybody in the world.

[music flourishes]

Which is the truth about my personal life.

♪ I'm goin' all in right now ♪

20 years ago, I fell in love with the love of my life.

[crowd clamoring]

And during that time I was making an album called This Is Me... Then.

♪ Don't be fooled By the rocks that I got ♪

♪ I'm still, I'm still Jenny From the block ♪

[J.Lo] I hadn't made an album since then.

18 years later, we got back together, and I was very inspired.

I was talking and Benny Medina, my longtime manager,

and one of my best friends, said it is time for you to make music again.

She started telling me, you know, I haven't made an album in a long time,

but I really finally have something that I want to write about.

And I don't know if anyone else has a story like that in the world.

[man] And when you get that from a true artist like her,

it allows you to really be able to channel it.

Like, what do we want that to sound like?

She spoke very openly to us and it was really...

It was beautiful, man. It was... that first day was magical.

When we got back together... I'm telling my story.

♪ This is what it's like ♪

On that first day I showed everybody this book.

This book is a book that Ben gave me on our first Christmas back together.

It is every letter and every email that we wrote to each other from 20 years ago.

And today, The Greatest Love Story Never Told

by Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck 2001 and 2021 and counting.

It became like our Bible,

and we just left it there in the studio, and people would thumb through it.

They're like, "Can we look at it?" I was like, "Look at it!"

It's like when you open the book, it's like a light just come from, like...

Ahh!

She would pick one and she would let us touch them and read them.

They're real letters with like pen on paper.

And I was, "Girl, I'm gonna fuck this up."

I'm like, move all the liquids away, you know?

[man] She showed us the box

that Ben had given to her which included all the letters.

First off, who does that?

Like, this guy gets Boyfriend of the Year as far as I'm concerned.

[Affleck] I came to the house one day, and there was like, she had told me,

"The musicians are coming, this great producer, Rogét,"

blah-blah-blah.

And then I went down there and my book that I had given her was down there.

She was like, "I've been reading and the people...

This is the kind of inspiration... I've been showing them the book."

I was like, "You've been showing all the musicians

all those letters that, uh..."

And they were like, "Yeah, we call you Pen Affleck,"

and I was like "Oh, my God."

I did really find the beauty, and the poetry, and the irony,

in the fact that it's

the greatest love story never told, and if you're making a record about it...

- [all snapping] - [laughs]

...that seems kind of like telling it.

[J.Lo] Once the music was done, I felt it was so beautiful and special,

and I wanted to share it with the world in the biggest way.

And I don't want to just put out the single

and put out the music video and see what happens.

No, I had this idea.

What I've decided to do...

We're going to make a film.

I want to make a movie.

This is really about bringing the album to life in a different way.

Prince did it with Purple Rain. He just wrote the story of his life.

But made just a movie where he played his songs.

This is me taking my songs and making my own musical.

And so I came up with this idea with Dave Myers,

who I worked with making music videos 20 years ago.

What is Dave doing right now?

Then when you put a visually genius director on things,

they really bring it to life in a way that is even more than you imagined.

It really allows you to be as creative as you want to be.

[hip-hop beat playing]

I've tracked her for 20 years, we worked together 20 years ago,

so like, I've paid attention to her journey.

Hadn't seen her but had formulated thoughts.

I wonder what she's going through, and I show up to her house,

and she tells me what happened the last 20 years.

And I'm like, "Oh, my God, that's our story."

She shared a lot of details and we did a lot of co-writing together.

It's an abstract biography, you know? It's taking the emotion

of what she's gone through and kind of playing with that,

not necessarily being literal to this relationship

or that relationship. We sort of reverse engineered it.

There was already an album, and then we kind of rearranged the songs

to try to match the narrative that we're telling.

It's not anything that's been done before.

It's not quite a long form music video, and it's not quite a movie.

It's somewhere in between.

How we pulled that off will be a new thing,

a new version of what you do with an album.

[Meyers] I tried to string all the songs that she shared with me

into a truth that she shared with me.

She connected with it, and we just rolled up our sleeves from there.

And that leads into the first song, which is "Hearts and Flowers".

I don't know if you remember it, it's a very hard beat.

It's like boom, dun, dun, dun, dun, boom.

And you see everybody working in the factories.

It will be all of these characters...

- Mm-hm. - ...who are trying to fix something,

and you don't really know what it is, but it's a mechanical heart.

[Meyers] The heart factory is the abstract version

of what might go on inside when everything starts to fail.

In my head, everybody working.

[Meyers] There is a factory with workers feeding it rose petals.

It's just part of a storytelling device to set up that love needs an ingredient.

Just starts off... ♪ Wounded soldier ♪

♪ Wounded soldier ♪

First day!

Here we go...

♪ Diamonds from pressure ♪

♪ Time is precious ♪

[J.Lo] And the whole album is kind of like the twin album

to This is Me... Then, which I did 20 years ago.

- I'd keep their apartment the same. - Oh, keep it, all of it.

♪ Put it on my back 'Cause I'm built for the mile ♪

Opening her eyes in a hospital bed, younger, age 28,

and she wasn't emaciated but exhausted.

Technically, you weren't 28, but...

Yep. All her friends are...

But you were.

You were.

That's why you were not as smart as me.

♪ I'm still, I'm still ♪

♪ I'm still ♪

I love that you want to play younger, even in the autobiographical.

This is not my autobiographical. This is meta.

- This is me using some of my story. - I see.

Semi-autobiographical.

It's your story but younger.

[laughing]

You're an idiot.

♪ Hearts and flowers ♪

♪ It ain't all hearts and flowers ♪

♪ So many nights and hours ♪

But she's still got her beauty, her booty, and her bank account so bye-boy to him.

Papi, this isn't about me and you!

Papi, take that out.

- No, this is... - That is not part of the script!

♪ I'm still, I'm still ♪

[Goldsmith-Thomas] I was her agent in the '90s.

We became very close friends very quickly.

[J.Lo] We hit it off right away. I mean, she was funny and powerful.

She reminded me of the women that I grew up with.

I just knew that I wanted to work with her.

[Goldsmith-Thomas] I chased Jennifer to sign her.

I knew how talented she was.

[J.Lo] We've been together now for 20-something years.

[laughing]

[Goldsmith-Thomas] We're like family. We're like sisters. Right?

[J.Lo] Exactly like sisters.

On this project, I've been asked to just sort of oversee.

If she needs me I'm there to bounce an idea.

I'm working on script with her when she wants me to.

Hey, you know what? This was good stuff you did today.

- Oh, good. - Yeah, this was good stuff. What?

Don't... Don't panic.

I'm not, because I know it's there. You're just being dramatic.

I'm going to go inside.

When you have it, send it to me, and send it to Ben so he can read it.

Okay. So, I don't necessarily...

No worries. I found it.

I sometimes think of Benny and I as these two pillars beside her.

So if she wobbles, we go, oh. [chuckles]

But, conversely, if we wobble, she goes, oh.

It's a good trio.

Whatcha tryin' to do?

- Take your chips. - You're on a diet.

- Do you want one? - No, I don't eat that kind of food.

[laughing]

[J.Lo] Benny Medina, he's more than just my manager.

If there's one person who believed in me from the beginning,

from the first time I played him a raggedy little demo...

And it was just her voice live, in her room at that time,

and she completely blew me away.

And I've never lost that feeling for that song or for how she puts it down.

[Affleck] So Jen's making this movie based on her album, starts rehearsing,

casting, has a deal basically set to go to finance it.

[Medina] We had a deal on paper. We had started production.

Then I got a call. Deal's off. Pulled it.

He said that they were blown away by you,

you know, the dynamic in the room,

thought there was just too much that was being bitten off.

The quality was gonna be potentially compromised, you know?

I've never been involved with any major studio,

small independent production company,

anything that has given me a... a deal on paper.

Here, we will give you this for this.

A $30 million deal and then taking it off the table.

[Medina] Every streamer said musical movies don't sell.

Beyoncé didn't sell, Rihanna didn't sell.

There was no appetite for a musical film

based on an album, no matter what the story, no matter what the star.

When they run their numbers on music projects, you know,

the numbers are not as great. Whatever, I get it.

[Medina] We had just had number one at Amazon,

and the biggest at Netflix, and... but not one that had music.

Then I was like, "Oh, shit, who's paying for this?"

I guess me.

Drop the fucking mic.

You're not paying for your own movie.

[Goldsmith-Thomas] She decided in a very bullish way

to finance this project.

[Affleck] Making a movie with your own money

is the most famous cardinal sin in Hollywood.

[Goldsmith-Thomas] It was about investing in yourself. Literally.

[soulful music playing]

[Meyers] You know, dance has been a huge part of her life,

but my videos with her have been like, you know,

"Okay, roll camera. All right, dance, Jen!" You know?

But now we actually conceived a story together.

So her dance serves the story.

And, you know, just... it's a beautiful process of watching it

sort of all blossom out and becoming something.

- Right? That goes there? - Yeah.

["Under Pressure" by Queen ft. David Bowie]

[woman] Shall we start on our favorite subject? The budget.

Boy, uh, yeah.

Production, casting, locations, the whole machinery was moving.

I'm projecting that we're going to be going into production over budget.

So we're all open to cuts?

Budget cuts, you mean?

- Scene cut lead to budget cuts. - No. No, that's not an option.

I'm depending on all of you to do what you do

so we can get this done within the budget that I gave you.

The message is save as much fucking money as we can.

Yes. It sounds like you guys still have work to do in that department.

There was no buyer out there to sell it.

We had nothing to show, and we're burning cash every day.

["Under Pressure" continues]

There's one ceremony, three receptions.

You don't have to have three different... a beach, a desert, a this.

It's less about the location. It's more about hitting the theme.

♪ Under pressure That brings a building down ♪

♪ Splits a family in two ♪

♪ Puts people on streets ♪

Fifty-five grand, $300,000, $470,000.

Next week, it'll be something else like, "Oh, shit, the conveyor belt

turned out to... you know, need an extra wrench."

["Under Pressure" continues]

[J.Lo] I'm gonna tell you right now, do not bother me while we're shooting.

Don't do it. It's gonna be a bad idea.

I'm going to have so much to concentrate on.

How muddy is the mud going to be?

However we want it to be, right?

♪ Dares you to change our way of caring... ♪

Let me tell you, the price of mud is finna go up.

♪ This is our last dance ♪

♪This is ourselves ♪

♪ Under pressure ♪

♪ Under pressure ♪

- Do you think I look fat? - Too skinny.

[J.Lo] Today, I'm gonna to take a break from dancing.

I was going to dance all day today, but I danced all day yesterday,

so I'm gonna dance tomorrow.

I'm really kind of like,

look at everybody and really kind of just like,

are we crafting this in the way we need to?

[hip-hop music playing]

I like it because it's like everybody's moving in unison and it's nice,

but then the moves towards the end,

if you're going to double it, it should just feel like it's all like,

as we lead the heart, there's this like, it's working in perfect harmony.

- Boom. - Right?

Can you run that one more time, please?

[Brown scatting]

Then we can go into that... Let's go into that.

Know what I'm sayin'?

I don't know what that is but it's, uh... [scatting]

Then we could...

Anthony Ramos was gonna do this. The guy from In the Heights.

He was going to do the "Rebound" number with me. "The Glass House."

And he was like, "Ah, I'm friends with Marc."

So, I didn't... First of all, I didn't know that you and Marc were like good friends.

I didn't know that. Well, that's... that's nice.

You know, he's the father of my kids, obviously.

Um, I'm never going to do anything

that's going to really, like, pinpoint him out.

But it is very meta. It is about kind of the 20-year journey

between that last album and this album.

And a lot of things happened,

and there was a lot of relationships that I was in.

That thing that you're playing in it, is representative of many relationships,

you know, not one specific relationship.

I'm not even playing me in this.

There's a protagonist, this woman, that goes on this journey.

He's like, "Yeah, I think that people are gonna think that... You know how media is."

I said, "But if we only did our art

thinking about what the media's going to say..."

- It wouldn't be art. -"What the fuck are we doing?"

Right.

I've known Jennifer since 1999

and the capacity that I work with Jennifer, it's...

wardrobe supervisor, wrangler.

Which glasses you like, Beezy? These or these?

- [Beezy] That's the one I love. - [man] The yellow.

[Beezy] She is one of my best friends, my sister, my warrior, my ride or die.

It takes courage to share your truths.

Jennifer is finally in a very solid place in her life

where she's able to do those things.

[trepidatious music]

[woman] We sent out all the offers last night to everybody.

And we're waiting to hear back on a few people, um...

- Like Jane Fonda. - [Diener] Taylor Swift is a no.

Jason Momoa is not available. Jennifer Coolidge, not available.

Lizzo, not available.

He's doing Succession, too,

and The Lion King and Star Wars: Andor, too.

So he's not necessarily... He's not available, but he loves you.

- You want Vanessa Hudgens, by the way? - [J.Lo] For what?

- One of the friends. Oh, never mind. - [Diener] She's not available.

It'd be good to get Bad Bunny to do a little cameo as the bad kid.

Oh, The Wrong Again? That would be good.

Question becomes if Trevor is there, do we want James Corden, too, or is...?

- Okay. Right. - [Baxter] Ariana Grande is unavailable.

She's in London until September. Snoop's not available, unfortunately.

[J.Lo] I don't want to force anybody to do this who doesn't go,

"This is going to be fun." Nobody wants to say no to me, Benny. I get that.

But when an actor doesn't like a script, or doesn't think it's good enough,

or is worried about it, that's what they'll say.

I know that. I've done it.

I mean, I know Val was available, but I want you to call Derek.

And we need him for like one or two days.

It's a wedding, babe, he's in a wedding, it's not a...

It's a wedding. He's not going to give up this wedding.

- I mean, I could talk to Benny. - Who's wedding?

It's a wedding he's in. He can't... it's-it's...

Unfortunately, it's where it's landing.

- I want you to call him. - [Goldsmith-Thomas] Okay.

Who's going to be Khloe Kardashian?

- She's making a cameo? - [J.Lo] No.

Oh. It was supposed to be? Gotcha.

People scared.

- [Lalau] Yeah. - Scared to put themselves out there.

I get it. It took me a long time.

- I'm scared. - [Lalau] Yeah.

You don't look like it, though, for sure but...

I don't act like I'm scared but...

that's the secret to my whole fucking career.

One and two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

And then it's five...

[J.Lo] And then there's the personal story of Ben and I that has never been told.

I don't think he's very comfortable with me doing all of this.

But he loves me, he knows I'm an artist, and he's going to support me

in every way he can, because he knows this is...

He can't stop me from making the music I made,

and writing the words that I wrote.

He can't... you know, that's going to happen,

and he doesn't want to stop me. He wants to do that.

But that doesn't mean he's, you know, kind of comfortable being the muse...

Jen was really inspired by this experience,

which is how artists do their work.

They get inspired, their personal life, it moves you.

I know as a writer and director, like I certainly do the same things.

But things that are private, I'd always felt are sacred and special,

because, in part, they're private.

So this was something of an adjustment for me.

[J.Lo] We're totally different people now and we're the same,

and we have the same love. 100%.

Like, I'd never fallen out of love with you. I had just put it over here.

It seems like it's like liberating in a sense, because...

- [J.Lo] It is. - He loves every part of you,

- but it's not dependent on... - How I look.

- ...what this album is, or what radio... - No.

- Anything, it's like he... - No, it's not.

You always say, he always wants to see you in the bun, you know?

- Yeah. - [Baxter] No makeup on.

[laughing]

[sputters] You're used to seeing me around the house, kind of schlepy,

- and kind of, you know, in sweat pants... - [Affleck] No, that's not...

- ...and my striped socks... - [Affleck] No, stop it. We're not

going for the "I'm not pretty" and all this bullshit.

I'm not saying I'm not pretty. I'm saying you're used to seeing me

kind of like the little old lady at home.

[Affleck] You're gorgeous, and that's what I'm used to.

- What I'm saying is... - And then when I get up

and start dancing, you're like, "Oh, right, I forgot she could dance."

What he said and what he saw in me, and what he made me believe about myself,

only comes from love.

[gentle music playing]

Because nobody else could have made me see that...

about myself.

It's very moving.

[sniffles]

Because I didn't think much of myself, and so the world didn't think much of me.

That lined up.

[gentle music continues]

This is how it is. See it. Believe it.

I was like, okay.

[Medina] This is regarding Jane, she called me

and goes, "I believe that everyone in the entire world

is pulling for this relationship and this love.

And the idea of how you present that is so sacrosanct, is so important,

that it should be handled in a way that you aren't overly flaunting it,

so much so, that it creates any form of criticism or resentment.

My biggest concern is that if, you know, what critics or people

sort of come at her in any way."

- I don't... - I don't expect anybody to get this.

Okay. I don't.

What she's afraid about is what the album is.

And that's not changing. That's done.

And I don't... I'm not...

I'm an artist, and that's the album I wrote,

and I love it, and I'll stand by it.

I wasn't sure if I wanted her to reveal all of this.

I wasn't sure it was necessary.

So I was afraid on this project, and as I see it forming,

I'm excited, and I'm still a little afraid.

Right now, there's a little bit of trepidation

over the... some of the ambition of the project.

[J.Lo] I didn't have to do this.

I didn't even have to make the record.

It's not like anybody was clamoring for the next J.Lo record.

[laughs] You know what I mean?

And I know that there's some people around me who are like, this is stupid.

Why is she doing this? She doesn't need to do this.

And they're right, I don't need to do any of it.

I don't, but I want to.

[crew chattering]

- Have you seen this conveyor belt? - No.

Lord, help us.

Jesus...

[Baxter] When we're on top of them,

if somebody stands on it, the conveyor belt stops.

Who's in charge of the stages and the things?

We're supposed to... I'm supposed to dance on it.

They're saying when I get on there, it's going to stop.

So, it won't move.

But we can't even rehearse with them now 'cause there's no power till next week.

So why are we here?

[Baxter] Hey, can Nathan and Dave...

- How are you? - ...please come down as well?

- Hi. - [Baxter] Um, so what's going on?

This is the first, right now, when everybody walked in here

that we're hearing, that one, they can't move when she's on top of it,

and also that they weren't going to work today.

[sputtering]

I'm just reacting to this information right now.

- [J.Lo] Yeah. - [Diener] I wanna go and fix it.

- So if I can have like, five or... - [J.Lo] Do that then.

- ...ten minutes. Yeah, okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

[Baxter] As we walked in, they said, "Oh, well, they're not going to turn on."

[Medina] It's really simple, they didn't get it done.

But even if you don't get it done, tell us,

- before we all walk in here. - That's my point.

- What's up? - [Diener] It's not gonna to work today.

- It's some fucked up... yep. - Fantastic.

We're gonna get it working so that you can rehearse before the day.

- Thank you, sorry. - [J.Lo] That's okay.

Could, um, we show you some umbrella options for "Hummingbird"?

- Uh, sure. I need to leave. - Yep, they're right here.

Is this big enough?

That's okay.

- [man] No? - No, I like the clear,

and I think I like the more rounded it is.

- [woman] There was more solid... - This is pulling, like,

- the whole entire belt. - [woman] The whole thing, yeah.

So we have to just solve that problem.

What would be ideal, would be like a dance studio floor

that has a little bit of give underneath it.

[Baxter] Do you have 12 more seconds to just feel the mud?

Jennifer, to feel the mud?

I've been waiting to show you mud. [laughing]

I know, they're chasing me to the car with it.

- Bye, guys! - [all] Bye!

- [J.Lo] Yeah, that could be shorter. - [Goldsmith-Thomas] Cute short one?

Not cute and short like a French maid. Like, like a doctor.

I would go red. I would look at it on the jumpsuits, not on you guys.

- Of course, - Before I really made the final decision.

I think this is a good option,

but I would like to see one that's more wet.

- Bye-bye, everybody. - [woman] Okay.

[man] Thank you, Jennifer, have a good night.

- [woman] Thank you. Good night, Jen. - [J.Lo] Goodnight.

Yeah, I feel like, um, there's a lot to do this weekend.

I feel like if we don't get those scenes right tomorrow...

[Medina] Yeah.

Okay?

I think they should just have the capacity with that drier mud

- to add water if we need. - [Medina] Okay.

Bring those muds, please, one more time.

- [J.Lo] No, I gotta go. - One more quick one.

I just want to see which one you're referencing. Quick!

[engine starts]

[Medina] One sec, this one or this one?

- [woman] She said "Drive." - [man] She said "Go away.'

- [man 2] That's the wet one. - [Medina] She wants this one.

[Medina] She likes this... this. She likes this flavor, a little wetter.

- [woman] The chunky one - Not the wet one, the crumblier one.

- [man 2] Do you know what... - Keep it crumblier and add some water

on top of it so you get a little splatter.

- [man 2] Exactly, yeah. Okay. - Not a second wasted of today. Good work.

[slow instrumental music]

[J.Lo] So, last night, Ben says to me, "Why are you so stressed lately?"

I said, "I'm not just financing it, I'm writing it, I'm choreographing it,

dancing in it, singing in it,

- staring in it, producing the record." - [Goldsmith-Thomas] Producing it.

Like I said, it's all... [sputters]

Everybody has all these financier questions and budget questions for me.

[muttering]

[Goldsmith-Thomas] All right, I'll call you later. I love you.

- I love you. Bye. - Bye.

[Medina] You know, I don't like coming into any room

and... and seeing things not working well.

They've just come off of two insanely well-produced, well-organized films,

and she won't look at anything as being any different.

If anything, she'll look at it as even needing to be better than those,

in terms of the execution of stuff, because it's every penny of her money...

- Yep. - ...and all of her own time,

talent and story that's going into this thing,

and it's got to flow because otherwise any kind of stop-start-stop,

I can see it when it takes her out, and she's got to be 100% in.

Yeah, she's got a few tough weeks ahead of her.

I'm... I don't want to say I'm worried,

but, I think that our schedule is aggressive.

Okay, so going... I know this is so stupid, or maybe it's not,

but like going back to the seat backs.

Do... you know, we didn't make them

just because normally you don't on a music video,

not that this is a real music...

Please stop calling or even referencing music videos, guys.

This is not a music video.

It's not going to function like a music video,

it's not going to operate like a music video,

and it's fine that you don't have seat backs.

[Meyers] She's so determined to pull this off.

The people that really swing are always in a vulnerable place and it's terrifying.

Those points in your career

where you either choose to bet on yourself or you don't.

Do I want to assume more of a risk, or do I want to assume less of a risk?

And if you really truly believe in yourself,

and you really truly believe in what you're doing.

It's almost always better to bet on yourself.

[J.Lo] I have to tell the story the way it needs to be told.

It's just something inside of me that just goes,

"This is all I know how to do."

I just want people to believe that love exists.

If I can use my story to do that,

then as an artist, that's what I should do.

Maybe I'm setting myself up to be fucking...

[sighs]

...criticized again, I don't know,

but that's what my heart's telling me to do.

[somber orchestra music]

Uh, no. No, no, like right here. Yeah, a little higher.

- There's J.Lo. - There she is.

J.Lo was created back then with those first three albums.

This Is Me... Then, "Jenny From The Block", and all that.

In a way, she's kind of a larger-than-life character.

It was really me becoming who I always dreamt of being.

[Meyers] Yep, she's coming...

[J.Lo] This Is Me... Now is about truth

and facing the truth of who you really are and embracing that.

And the truth is, I'm not the same as I was 20 years ago.

I was always very much about show business,

put your best foot forward.

Don't let them see when you're suffering. Don't let them see when you're hurt.

Don't worry about if somebody did this or did that,

or if you suffered this or suffered that, it doesn't matter.

They don't care. They want you to sing. They want you to dance.

They want you to do the movie, want you to be funny in the interview.

Like, that's what my life was.

But then I realized that I wasn't being kind of authentic to myself.

There was a part of me that I was hiding.

There was a part of me that I was ashamed of.

And the things that I went through in my personal life,

'cause I think that they would have thought that that was weak or...

damaged or dysfunctional, and I didn't ever want to seem that way.

I wanted to seem strong and powerful and able.

- [man 1] Roll cameras, please. - [man 2] All right, room rolling.

[J.Lo] I wasn't struggling in my professional life.

Like, I feel like I had control of that.

And that's why I put a lot into it. When I went home at night,

and when I was dealing in my own life, with my own demons,

and my own relationships, was such a fucking struggle.

Couldn't we both win?

When her and Ben first broke up, it was catastrophic to her constitution.

Everything that she wanted from... from what she understood love to be,

for that to not work, for the pressures to break it apart, it just spun her out.

[J.Lo] Ben and I, we broke up three days before our wedding,

and we had like a big wedding plan, like 14 ushers and bridesmaids,

and three days before, we just crumbled under the pressure.

I think we all go along thinking like, "I'm doing okay."

I've been through these things." You kind of shake... If you're like me,

you kinda shake it off and be like, put your best foot forward,

and just do your thing, and fucking conquer the world.

Right? It motivates us through all these different things

but at the end of the day... [voice fades out]

I had a broken heart once.

[gentle music playing]

Long time ago.

All my friends, they told me, you know, that I needed a break.

That I should spend some time alone.

I didn't.

For all those years, was really hard,

'cause I didn't just feel like I lost the love of my life.

I felt like I lost, like, the best friend that I ever had...

and I couldn't talk to for so many years.

And that was the hardest part.

You know, I used to think that, um, it was...

everybody else that was broken.

[gentle music continues]

Now I think maybe it was just me.

♪ I loved you so much That messed me up ♪

♪ Gave what I could But it wasn't enough ♪

♪ You drifted away ♪

♪ Left me so numb ♪

♪ Tears on my gown Look what you've done ♪

♪ Broken like me ♪

♪ Broken like me ♪

♪ Covered in scars ♪

♪ Now this is me ♪

[Affleck] So when I first read the script, it looked like the inciting incident

that causes all this pain down the road is our breakup.

I thought, "Wow, nobody did anything wrong. It was mutual."

I think for us to move on from that, we have to kind of forgive it,

forgive each other. Do you forgive me?

[Meyers] Someone might need to...

[woman] Where's that goddamn Jennifer Lopez?

She better be here, or I'm gonna kill her. Is she here?

I would have sliced that bitch if she weren't here.

Calling me down here to do a cameo, bitch.

- Whitney. - [Meyers] Hey.

- [Meyers] Hey, Jenifer. - I'm the star.

- [Meyers] Yes, you are. - I'm gonna come down and do a cameo.

[Meyers] I'm Dave the director, nice to meet you.

Oh, well, hell, you're in so much trouble.

- [Meyers] I am. - I hope you're ready.

- Hi, boo. - It's so good to see you!

[Lewis] My agent called me, "Jennifer Lopez is doing a music video."

I said "Okay, what does that have to do with me? I don't do music videos.

I'm Jenifer Lewis. Got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Why would I show up for a music video, even if it is J.Lo?"

I'm J.Lew.

["The Sign" by Ace of Base playing]

In my own search for love I tried a lot of different things.

I went to card readers and looked to the signs,

you know, like, who's my perfect match?

And it led me down a lot of questionable roads.

[man] So when I got this call, yeah, it was a little weird.

You know, the Zodiac come to life.

[song continues]

- And the Zodiac is, you know... - Here we go.

People really think the universe gives a shit about them, okay.

♪ I got a new life You would hardly recognize me ♪

I'm playing Gemini. You know, that split bitch?

- She's still searching. - Mm-hm.

I'm not into the Zodiac signs, so I don't know what the fuck they do.

[J.Lo] The Zodiacs represent the Greek course of your life: your family,

your friends, coworkers, the people who are watching you and commenting.

And in my case, the media, fans, sometimes feels like the whole world.

- [Meyers] Do you know what you're doing? - Yes, I think so. For the most part.

For the most part, yes, ma'am.

[J.Lo] You have done movies, right?

Yes, ma'am. I'm basically a pretty famous actor.

♪ I saw the sign And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign ♪

♪ Life is demanding Without understanding ♪

Down there is the universe.

[song continues]

- Whoo! - Damn!

And Paul says, "Fucking fairy tales, man, I love happy endings."

And because he's so... there's, like, the double entendre of happy endings.

Right. Well, what do you mean by that, actually?

[J.Lo] Okay.

Shit, what happened? She fall apart again?

No, no, no happy endings means "happy endings."

- Oh, happy endings. - Yes! Okay.

[man] What's wrong with you is on the inside.

[woman] Well, at least she got her beauty, her booty, and that bank account

so bye-boy to him, right?

[J.Lo] Okay. This... this is you, the lover. - [woman] Lover.

- This is Anna over here. [laughing] - No. Why, why, why?

This is Elaine.

Elaine is the quiet one in my universe. She doesn't talk.

Oh, and this.

I never leave the couch without my love detector.

It has three settings: one, nightstand.

Holiday season.

[Meyers] No, it's not one... one-night stand is all one word.

[man speaking Spanish]

- Yeah. Fucking English. I hate it. - [crew laughing]

Okay, one-night stand. Yeah. Like a one-fuck night.

[man] Yeah, exactly.

[laughter]

[laughing and chatting]

[J.Lo] No, that part was so funny, I couldn't take it!

- What are you guys doing here? - It's an intervention.

[man] Oh, my bad, sorry about that.

It's all right. I got a license, don't worry.

[laughing]

[Affleck] She'd be hurt. Yes, that's great.

[man] Yeah?

- [crew member] Here we go. - Hold on, Jen's... Jen's, uh...

How you doin', papa? It's a pleasure to meet you, man.

My brother loves the crap out of you.

You're his favorite Batman ever, and you made Armageddon, dude.

- Aw, thank you. - You really did. I still sing the...

♪ All my bags are packed I'm ready to go ♪

Man. Pleasure to meet you guys.

That was really, really funny, I loved that...

When are you... when are you guys doing another film together?

That last one was Gigli, right? Or...

- Yes. - [Affleck] That's right. Exactly.

- [man] Yeah. - It was Gigli.

That's why we haven't done one since then.

Okay, for sure.

[J.Lo] We're gonna do one one day.

♪ Broken like me ♪

♪ I'm still in love with you, boy ♪

♪ I'm still in love ♪

Uh... there's a...

There's an additional shoot day that's come up for The Guru.

How much is that going to cost us?

That, I... that's... should be discussed.

[Baxter] Couple hundred.

[Goldsmith-Thomas] I think to go 200,000 for a guru is nonsensical.

You guys can confer but...

- Oh, why don't you stay? - Don't worry about that.

- Don't even bring that up. - This is haunting me now.

No, I'm, I'm...

- But that's a $200,000 hit to her. - [Baxter] Yes.

You should, please, not today.

Okay, if not today, it'll haunt me tomorrow.

[Meyers] Yeah.

Don't let her ears hear this right now.

Well, it's only her...

He's asking you to be quiet, sweetie, take the cues.

- Maybe I shouldn't be the quiet friend. - Shh.

Oh, ha! Touché.

You'll give people anxiety when they're working.

Let me get a little Q-Tip.

[mouthing] It's my job.

Yeah. Well, yeah.

Maybe you wanna go talk to him over there and talk about it.

[Goldsmith-Thomas] Well, I... I just want to resolve it, but okay.

- Dave. - [Meyers] Yes?

We don't have 200,000 extra, because we're gonna need 200,000 extra.

- Okay. - We're going to need

- the extra money for post. - Yeah. Okay.

I've been drilling down on budget, reminding everyone it's her money,

and drilling down on the necessity of certain things, sometimes too hard,

but, you know, I'd rather err on the side of her,

um, saving a little money,

but not sacrificing any quality.

And, you know, and I'm standing on the sidelines

in case she needs a body double.

♪ I just wanna I just feel like, ooh ♪

♪ Every time I see ya, I just, oh, hey ♪

♪ I feel like startin' somethin' You got my engine runnin' ♪

♪ You got the keys to turn me on and on ♪

[Meyers] We're in the wedding reception.

The energy in the room is as if it was a real Jennifer wedding.

I think Jennifer is in full-on bride mode right now, having a blast.

♪ When it feels right ♪

♪ Nothing else matters ♪

♪ Is this real life Too good to be true? ♪

♪ Take me all night ♪

♪ I can feel the push ♪

[Meyers] Just going through all the checklists of a great wedding.

Just swapping out the husbands.

[crew member] Cutting and cut.

[Meyers] That was it, yeah. Next husband.

♪ You love that shit You know I can't get enough ♪

♪ Give me all that shit ♪

First thing that came to my mind was, "I'm going to be what? I'm a huh?

I'm a what husband? I'm a who?" [laughing] Like...

But when we start working on it and working through it, I was like,

"Oh, I see what's going on. I see what's going on.

Like, you're in on it."

♪ With you, boy ♪

♪ It's the way you love me The way you touch me ♪

♪ It's the way you look at me ♪

♪ Can't get enough ♪

[crowd cheering]

♪ Of you, boy ♪

Don't catch it. It's cursed.

[crowd continues cheering]

[dramatic music playing]

[J.Lo] One time I was married for 11 months.

Another time I was married for a year...

And another time I was married for ten years.

Then even looking back on it now,

and kind of making fun of it in this surrealistic musical way...

It's funny and it's heartbreaking.

[dramatic music continues]

What do I say?

Uh, "'Til death do us part" and it's like, "Oh, I just wanna... Ooh... I..."

Or, you know, that whole little intro.

You want me to do it like you just did it?

[Meyers laughs]

'Til death do us part.

[Meyers] Jen and I rationalized that the rain is a sign.

She's like, "Oh, wow, It's a sign. It's going to be a great marriage."

This shoot's been relentless just on how fast we're moving,

how fast it came together, how sensitive costs are.

You know, being that

we don't really have studio support yet. [chuckles]

[Medina] This was absolutely the hardest project

that I've ever had to work on and put together in my career.

This is a really different thing that we're doing, and it's never been done...

How am I going to sell this to a platform? What is the platform?

[J.Lo] Every single one of them passed on this movie.

One head of a studio says,

"Okay, um, well, you know what, nobody watches these things."

Another one will say, "Well, what are we going to do?

Pay them to promote their own album?

The album that we're stealing from them and putting on our platform?"

["Money" by The Flying Lizards playing]

[J.Lo] Do you know what I see?

- I see my money going down the drain. - [Affleck] Remember this.

I'm paying for this.

And this... and all whatever the fuck that is up there.

- Those are gels. - Paying for that, too. Paying for this.

["Money" continues playing]

♪ Your love give me such a thrill ♪

♪ But your love don't pay my bills ♪

That flag in the back is... was free I'm sure.

[Affleck] It all comes with the truck.

[J.Lo] Another truck.

- This is a camera truck. - Tons of boxes.

- We have primes, ultra-primes. - Oh, this is your fantasy truck.

This is a Zeiss compact zoom.

- This is a Arri zoom. - Oh.

This is the older compact Angeniuex zoom, right?

These are really good. The 70s, they're light handheld lenses. Really good.

- I don't care. - I know.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, hello. [laughing]

How are you? [chuckling]

Welcome!

This is where she is now by herself.

Middle of the night, watching TV,

4:00 in the morning, watching an old romantic film

for the fourth time in a row.

Is that what you do?

I used to.

I used to, Sad, a long time ago.

[Sadghuru] We can say when you exude love like the sun, it shoots light...

- It will find... - ...it will reflect and return to you.

You shall shine like the sun. [chuckles]

[laughing]

[man] All right, guys. Quietly, please. We're going to get into this.

- So she looks kind of perfect. - [man] Yeah.

- [J.Lo] And she shouldn't. - [man] Okay.

[J.Lo] Just the idea of that she's been neglected, right?

She's been a little bit roughed up, that she's bearing the scars

and that looks like something dirty.

- [man] Yeah. - [J.Lo] Knees scraped.

She should feel like a little bit of a mess.

If you're going to be me when you were little,

then I was a tomboy.

So I was real dirty all the time.

You know what a tomboy is?

- Someone who like... - [J.Lo] Loves to play with the boys.

Yeah.

This right here.

- Okay. - Okay, ready?

What's wrong?

I just think I didn't get enough love today.

- From your Mom and Dad? - [girl] From you.

You left me all alone.

You didn't take care of me.

I'm sorry. I love you.

No, you love everybody else but me.

When I was growing up, I was always looking for somebody

to make me feel loved.

I was a middle child,

not the baby, not the first born.

You just kind of get lost a little bit in between it all.

That just left me on this train

to show everybody that I had worth and value too.

So then I started running track, and winning medals,

and hoping that somebody would be like, "Look."

People would come over to our house.

Oh, look at all of Jennifer's trophies and medals.

It made me feel good.

Having my two sisters

bookend me in that way forced me into a road

where I learned to work really hard and be very disciplined.

Like an athlete.

And so I just stuck with that.

I just stuck with the working hard part

'cause I was the best at that.

I felt very ignored by my dad because he was always working nights,

and then all day he would sleep.

And I didn't feel like I had enough of a connection with him.

My mom was a narcissist,

center of attention, you know, life of the party type person.

I got very used to being around people like that.

The combination of the two of those things

set me on a course to be with those type of people.

What I started to realize was I'm comfortable with this,

but I don't like this.

I want something different. I want something better.

[Affleck] Jen felt emotionally neglected as a child.

We are kind of learning more and more,

it doesn't have to be like sort of the kind of trauma where you're,

you know, locked in a basement for a year to leave wounds on you.

In fact, they're deceptive when they're harder to pin down.

It's a hard thing to look at somebody whose professional life

is wildly successful and who, you know, on Instagram

looks like they're living the happiest life in the world.

The thing you discover, like you do with... with alcohol,

is that there isn't enough alcohol

in all the liquor stores in the world to fill up that thing.

And in Jennifer's case, I don't think there's enough followers

or-or movies or records or-or any of that stuff to...

to still that part of you

that still feels a longing and a pain.

Ultimately, that's the work that you've got to do on your own.

[somber music playing]

I like taking my hair out like this.

It reminds me like when I was 16 in the Bronx,

running up and down the block.

That crazy little girl who used to fuckin'...

be wild and...

No limits. All dreams and shit.

[man] It meant a lot to me

to have a young Latina come from where we come from

and be successful.

["Feelin' So Good" by Jennifer Lopez playing]

The whole first album I was in almost every session.

♪ A'ight, now I want you to dance ♪

[Fat Joe] We used to be there almost every night just watching 'em record

all these iconic records.

♪ Party on tonight Everything is feeling right, DJ ♪

[Fat Joe] We grew up together.

We've been in the game 30 years, been through ups and downs.

- ♪ Am I handsome or not? ♪ - ♪ Joe, you the Don ♪

♪ Jenny, you the bomb Any man disrespect, good as gone ♪

♪ When I opened up my eyes today ♪

♪ Felt the sun shining on my face ♪

[Fat Joe] You're looking at a hopeless romantic.

And every time you rooted for her, you always thought

all right, maybe this is the guy.

♪ I feel like there's no limit To what I can see ♪

For people like me and Jenny,

we don't break, we from the Bronx, we had to overcome so many obstacles.

We temporarily break down, but they can't break people like us.

[laughing]

- How you doin', baby? - How's it going?

- You feeling good? - I'm feeling great.

You look amazing.

You know, I look like a psychiatrist, you know.

[J.Lo] Yeah, I think that...

It's a beautiful thing to give my sister some sane advice.

[J.Lo] We're from the same place, that was why I picked you to do this specific part.

Because it's like I would be talking to you and you will understand me,

and I will understand you. You know what I mean?

Definitely not a...

He comes into the story at the right time to speak some truth to her.

You know? To shake her out of her nonsense.

- What am I doing wrong? - [dog whimpers]

Why is love so damn hard?

[Fat Joe] You know, some people use these impassioned relationships

to avoid facing a much greater hurt.

[J.Lo] You think I'm covering something up,

or I'm using love as some kind of pain medicine?

[Fat Joe] Have you ever considered being alone for a minute?

[J.Lo] I used to be terrified to be alone.

I didn't know what I was gonna do by myself.

Who's going to take care of me, who's going to protect me?

This one therapist said to me, "Can you be alone?"

And I was like, I can do it.

I... [sputters] I can be alone. I can be alone...

I'll be alone till Christmas. Okay?

Erasing everybody from your phone

who could possibly be somebody you even think likes you.

Block everybody, do every... and just be alone.

- Jane? - [Jane Fonda] Hello.

- Jane? - Is this Jennifer?

- It is, hi! - Oh hi, sweetheart.

Oh, thanks for calling.

First of all, I want you to know that, uh...

I don't entirely know why, but I feel invested in you and Ben,

and I really, really, really want this to work.

However, this is my concern.

Like, it feels too much like you're trying to prove something

instead of just living it.

You know, every other photograph is the two of you kissing,

the two of you hugging. Um...

That's us living our life. [laughing]

Jane and I have a kind of love relationship

over many years since she did Monster-in-Law.

You know, it was her first movie back

after leaving the business for many, many years.

And we just... we really bonded.

[both laughing]

[Fonda] I didn't know what to expect,

what it was going to be like working with her.

Oh, what I do to you. Oh.

When my son proposes to her right next to me and I'm saying,

"Oh, how wonderful." But what I really want to do is what I do in my fantasy,

is I want to take the back of her head and shove her face into the table...

Please...

...over and over it.

[J.Lo] Hold on, hold on! I'm laughing. I'm laughing. I can't laugh.

I really looked up to her, obviously, as an amazing actress,

but also for what she stood for in her life.

There was so much about her, in all her activism,

and also that she kinda got beat up in the press.

And we kind of are similar when it comes to love.

[crowd cheering]

[Fonda] We became friends on Monster-in-Law,

a film where I have to hate Jennifer.

It was the hardest acting job I ever had.

It seemed the more we tortured each other on screen,

the closer we became as friends.

And I'm really grateful for her friendship, her generosity,

which is huge, for showing the world the beauty of booty!

[crowd cheers]

And making it easier for a whole lot of girls to love theirs, including me.

Jennifer, thanks for having me be here.

[J.Lo] We actually started shooting the Zodiacs,

which is what I wanted you to do, to be kind of like the sage,

kind of like fairy godmother of the Zodiacs.

Listen, Jane, any day you can do it, any day you can spare two hours,

one for hair and makeup, and one to come and do the lines.

It's... it will take that long.

[Fonda] Uh...

[J.Lo] She's very protective of me.

And she felt like you're putting yourself out there

to get beat up again.

When Jen and I broke up before,

the catalyst for that was this massive amount of scrutiny

around our private life.

[indistinct chattering from crowd]

We bought a Bentley and drove around town with it.

You know, it's like, "Yeah, take pictures of us!"

It wasn't that. We just... we were just like

celebrating our lives and our love.

[Affleck] I had a very firm sense of boundaries

initially around, like, the press, while Jen, I don't think objected to it

in the way I did. I very much did object to it.

Getting back together, I said, "Listen, one of the things I don't want

is a relationship on social media."

And then I sort of realized it's not a fair thing to ask.

It's sort of like, you know, you're going to marry a boat captain,

and you go, "Well, I don't like the water." You know?

We're just two people with kind of different approaches,

trying to learn to compromise.

[woman] So this is... six, seven, eight.

♪ We don't have to lie We know this is wrong ♪

♪ Someone on my mind And someone on my phone ♪

[J.Lo] Everybody always tells you, when a relationship is built on a rebound,

when somebody rebounds out of something,

they're not ready for another relationship.

And no matter how hard they try, or how long they try to stick together,

they're living in a glass house, it's gonna... it's gonna shatter.

[woman] Push. ♪ Got me on that re... ♪ Run it back.

♪ Rebound, rebound ♪

[J.Lo] It's always so easy to judge other people and say,

"Oh, you were in that relationship, and you're so fucking stupid."

You know, don't you see all your friends always like, "Come on."

- And you're like, it is not that simple. - [woman] Right.

- You know what I mean? - [woman] Mm-hm.

There's something good about this person. I'm trying to help this person.

And sometimes it's the broken parts in us that keep us there.

♪ We go up and down ♪

♪ We get lost and found ♪

♪ We go 'round and 'round We fall in and out ♪

♪ Rebound, rebound, rebound Catch me on that ♪

♪ Rebound, rebound, rebound ♪

♪ We go up and down We get lost and found ♪

♪ We go 'round and 'round We fall in and out ♪

[Meyers] We want to show, is it...

It's like this kind of being shredded and in tatters.

♪ If the love ain't real I can't really stick around ♪

♪ Guess the game got cold Now, you wanna rebound ♪

♪ Catch me on that Rebound, rebound, rebound ♪

♪ We go up and down ♪

♪ We get lost and found We go 'round and 'round ♪

Glamorous. Glamorous life.

You know how much I love you, you're my baby.

I'm always going to take care of you.

I'll never leave you.

No matter what.

[J.Lo] There were people in my life who said I loved you,

and then didn't do things

that were kind of in line with the word love.

- Perfect? - What? [sighing]

- Perfect? Huh? Huh? - Stop! I screwed up.

Stop!

I dare you.

[punching glass]

[dramatic music playing]

[dialogue muted]

[J.Lo] I always thought, like, oh, it was this other person

that was doing all these things

that were bad and wrong, but why am I attracting 'em?

Why am I doing that? Why am I on that vibrational level?

The signs say we're a match.

It's because I haven't got myself together.

Not looking outward, like, what is wrong out here?

But what is wrong in here?

It's almost like digging

into the tar inside of you and kind of pulling it out

deep down and going, this didn't feel good and that didn't feel good.

And, wow, I didn't realize that made me feel that way.

And, actually, I'm not really taking care of myself in a good way.

What do you love about yourself?

[muffled screaming]

You have to hit rock bottom.

Where you're in situations that are so uncomfortable

and so painful, that you finally go,

"I don't want this anymore."

A therapist said to me,

"What if this was your daughter, what would you do?"

And it was so clear.

- [punching glass] - [muffled screaming]

I was like, "I'd tell her get the fuck out of here, never look back."

But for me, it was so clouded and complicated

with so much of my...

past and my own pain and hurt and dysfunction

that I couldn't see clearly. It was like looking through fog.

[Meyers] In most turbulent relationships, one of the common things

that you hear about is like, it's hard to leave.

Even when you know, like, I don't want to be here,

you stretch apart, you're still pulled back.

And so it's sort of a metaphoric explanation for that...

that tug and pull that you have when a relationship's not quite working.

I'm glad that one's behind us.

[Gitty] The shit that happens in real life,

the truth, to me, that's the most interesting part.

And it's also the most difficult part to say.

Some of these things, we don't even admit to ourselves,

let alone admit to the entire world.

[J.Lo] Being thrown around and manhandled like that, it's not fun.

I mean, I was never in a relationship where I got... beat up.

- [woman] Mm-hm. - Thank God.

But I've definitely been manhandled and... hit...

couple of other unsavory... things.

Rough. Disrespectful.

More than anything,

it's really a vulnerable place for me to be in every day.

That's why I go to work every day and I'm like, "What am I doing?

Why am I doing this?"

It's a personal journey, babe.

A personal journey that will relate to so many women

who are abused, who take abuse.

You're talking about how we accept less than we deserve.

I mean, I have good intentions with this, I just don't want it to suck.

- What are you scared of? Sucking? - That it's going to fucking suck...

- You're always going to be scared. - ...fucking dick.

You're going to scared of it sucking until it doesn't.

- Enjoy it. - 'Cause it is sucking until it doesn't.

Well, right now, it's not finished, you know what I mean?

This does have problems.

- Because it is fucking sucking... - You've got to discern between things

that suck DNA-wise and things that just don't work right.

- Well, DNA, I don't think it sucks. - All right... that's all you need.

- But I think right now it just sucks. - If the... the DNA is right...

- No, it doesn't suck. That's wrong. - Yes, it does.

That's just inexperience, that you haven't done this process before.

I'm sorry that I'm not an award-winning director. I'm sorry.

- Well, if I was doing a musical concert... - I'm sorry I didn't write

- all the things when I was 21 years old. - If I was doing a rock show,

I would say to you, "Tell me how this goes.

Are you usually afraid before your first performance?"

[laughing]

[choreographer chatting indistinct]

[choreographer] Want to try it again with music?

- Yeah. - [choreographer] You got it. Here we go.

["Hearts and Flowers" by Jennifer Lopez playing]

[choreographer] Yep. Let's go!

Five, six, seven, eight!

♪ Hearts and flowers It ain't all hearts and flowers ♪

♪ So many nights and hours ♪

♪ Every day of my life In the grind, faithfully ♪

♪ Superpowers, we all got superpowers ♪

♪ Before you see my life And say I live the dream ♪

♪ Remember everything Ain't always what it seems ♪

[music fading]

- [choreographer] Stop! - [music cuts out]

[choreographer] Four, five, six, seven, eight.

[foot stomps on floor]

[choreographer] Cross, go.

♪ Now ♪

["This Is Me... Now" by Jennifer Lopez playing]

Fuck!

[music cuts out]

[indistinct chatter]

- [man] Here we go. - Yeah.

♪ Stop! ♪

[ominous wind whooshing]

[boots stomping on floor]

♪ Now ♪

["This Is Me... Now" continues playing]

♪ And I took my time ♪

♪ Had to heal my heart ♪

[muffled music playing]

♪ This is me now ♪

♪ And I took my time ♪

♪ And I took my time And I took my time ♪

♪ This is me now ♪

♪ And I took my time And I took my time ♪

♪ And I took my time ♪

[Meyers] In the rehearsal, you joked that you only had a couple

of these in you, but like, is there an amount of passes that you wanna do?

- I don't have an amount in my head, no. - Okay, cool.

- [man 1] Roll cameras. - [man 2] Rolling.

[somber music playing]

[Meyers] On your marks, please.

All right, crane set.

Playback.

I forget how much older I am than everybody now. [laughs]

- And everybody else is 22. - Fifty. Yeah.

I'm just trying to keep up with them.

[Meyers] Three, two, one, action!

- [J.Lo] Dave? - [Meyers] Yo.

What are we doing?

[Meyers] More. Right?

- Yeah. Yeah, yes. - [Meyers] Yeah.

[dramatic music playing]

Are we ready?

- Last one! - [group cheering]

[Meyers] And cut.

[Affleck] She's still pushing the rock uphill.

And I want to say, like, "You did it, you did it.

It's okay, you've did it, you proved it.

You're great.

You know, you can, like, let it go for a minute.

Like, you don't have to carry this.

Uh... You don't have anything to prove."

[exhaling]

My heart rate and my wind is... not the same.

I haven't taken a deep breath all day.

[inhaling]

[exhaling]

I'm not going to do anything this weekend.

- Nothing. - [man] We're good.

I'm not gonna rehearse today.

I'm tired.

Those two notes sheets were fucking hard.

My husband's away at his...

[exhaling]

...premiere, and I'm really sad...

that I wasn't there with him this weekend.

He got great reviews.

He's been working on this movie and this...

this company for a year and a half, and I just feel bad.

He just is wondering like, is it worth it? I don't know.

- Anyway... I think I just need a break. - [phone chimes]

I think I'm just tired.

It's a lot.

You know that feeling you're just letting everybody down all the time?

And you're never really just doing anything right.

[sobbing]

[sniffles]

It... I just... It's... I'm sure everybody feels that way.

Just always feel like you're just not good enough,

you're not good enough at the steps,

you're not good enough in the movie,

you're not good enough as...

as a partner, as a mother, as...

all of the things.

And all you want to do is be the best at all those things.

And it's just hard.

You know?

This is as close as I'll ever get to this exercise equipment. [laughs]

Put your feet in the back.

Wait, hold on to the front.

[Goldsmith-Thomas] I don't even know where the front is.

My foot back there?

Look, let me show you. Let me show you...

[woman] The fly. You put your feet there, then you lay your arms out

and you fly like that.

You see?

- Okay, let's see if I can do that. - [woman] Yeah.

I don't know if this is the smartest thing for me.

I was so happy eating yogurt five minutes ago.

So wait. I put my...

- [woman] Yeah. - Flat. Yes.

Now put your ankle in there.

Jennifer, my foot's too big.

There's nothing I can do about that.

Lean more forward...

- Fly, like you're flying. - [J.Lo] Make enough space for your leg.

Your leg has to straighten out.

- Open your arm. - [J.Lo] Yes. There you go, did it!

[woman] You did it.

- Now, let your arms out. - Out where?

Let it fly. Let it fly. Let it fly.

Let it fly. Put it on your chest and go up.

It's going to help you to go up and down.

Okay? I... Wow. This was so fun. Thank you.

[J.Lo] When it's just me all by myself, what do I like?

Once the kids were in bed, and once all of that was happening,

and, you know, I was by myself,

you know, I started looking forward to coming home, to being alone.

I liked it.

I enjoyed my own company.

All of our adult pain, all of our adult trauma, all of our...

the things that we do that we don't like, that we fucking do,

are because of that little girl, or little boy inside of us,

that's screaming.

That little Jenny is always with me.

And I had to learn how to go back,

and you know, say, "Are you okay?"

You know, when we're born, I just feel like we come out

so open and ready to love,

and ready to kind of, like, believe in all the best things

about life, and our parents, and people.

And then little by little, we lose that.

I think my biggest fear is that I'll fail at being a parent.

And I don't want to.

["Heart" by Darkside playing]

[Meyers] Now, hear we're entering the heart chamber.

She's stuck in this heart trying to keep it alive.

She's basically left for dead.

The last-ditch effort is to feed the dying flame a rose petal.

Standby. Picture's gonna be up. Quiet please.

Let's do it. Here we go.

♪ Can't you see behind this love? ♪

♪ Tell me you don’t know What you don’t like what you see ♪

[Meyers] We return and the rose petals have come back

and the flame is roaring to life.

The factory is back working again because she found love.

Flames are going to come up on this one. We're going to be hot.

[song continues]

Well, I don't understand it.

- I know, because nobody does. - [all laughing]

"Real love doesn't... doesn't need to talk.

It just speaks for itself."

"That wasn't love. That was safe."

That's a good line.

"I wish... [exhales] Yeah.

How many times have I done that?"

You see where I'm going with this? Okay, good.

Now she's gone through three marriages that have fallen apart.

- [J.Lo] All the husbands on a mantle. - [Meyers] Yeah.

[all laughing]

[J.Lo] And that's it.

Oh, no, no, no.

The very last one is just kind of the celebration,

when everything goes perfect, you know, the happy ending.

She loves herself, the last chapter. Jane.

[indistinct chatter]

Every night I go and play in this... I wrote this song today.

I wrote this song today for you.

- I wrote this song... [chuckles] - For you.

I get real scared, you know, when all that shit

about the Grammys, and he looked unhappy, it's like...

Oh, my God, what's happening?

Nothing. Nothing.

He was like, "It's like, I've become the symbol of the beleaguered man."

[laughing]

[woman] That's right.

- [Meyers] We're ready to go. - Yes, let's go.

[Meyers] And then as you... as you get back interested in,

"Oh, what's she doing next?" It's like, "Who's that guy?" You know?

[Fonda] "Why can't she just live her life?"

[J.Lo] "She is living her life.

Why can't everyone just let her live her life?

You know, she's a queen, she's amazing,

and I love her."

"Pisces. Pisces.

You're awful thirsty for a fish."

I don't know what it means.

I love it! It's so good.

[Meyers] It's great, thirsty is... thirsty means that you're...

Thirsty is like somebody who's like, you know, when they put, like, pictures

of themselves naked on Instagram and they're always, like, posing.

- They're thirsty. - Like you!

[laughter]

[J.Lo] "Leah, they're calling her a maneater."

"They call you a maneater?"

[J.Lo] "I've been called many things."

"Join the club."

- [man] Yeah. - [all laughing]

[man 2] Small re-light for me to make that work.

[J.Lo] So we're going to do a separate light cue for this.

[man 3] And they're watching a movie.

[J.Lo] It's exciting and scary.

You're right. I'm putting myself out there.

- I get it. - You're right.

But I don't, like I said, I don't know how else to do it.

When people look at your life and everything, and look at you,

it's hard to like... How could you possibly have anything,

- you know, to complain about? - That's why I think it's important to say.

Not complain about, but to... that there's struggle there.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

[indistinct background chatter]

I made some stupid mistakes, too.

Maybe you already know that, but I'm admitting it to you.

- Yeah. - You know what I mean?

[Meyers] All right, here we go. Rolling, rolling.

Quiet, please. Everybody ready.

[man] Roll cameras, guys. Let's roll sound.

[J.Lo] Don't make me cry.

This better be it, man, I'm rooting for you.

[Affleck] What's success for you with this?

Just doing it. Just doing it is success.

I heard Prince say the thing about making music is that it is

a success upon making it.

And I've never understood that more than I do now.

And I know it could end disastrously.

I know that.

[Affleck] Why do it?

I think it's beautiful.

I think it's worthy.

I think it's worth the risk.

If it turns out great...

then that's... then I fulfilled my mission.

I let people know like, don't give up!

Do it!

Don't be afraid!

Fuck it, do it afraid! [laughs]

Do it afraid!

[upbeat music playing]

They're going to Vegas. They're getting married.

You know they're gonna be divorced in a year.

[laughing]

♪ We're drowning ♪

♪ In orchid arrangements Dresses and pastries ♪

♪ What if it's raining? Yeah ♪

♪ This is what we've been dreaming of ♪

♪ It's crowded ♪

♪ With families and agents Room reservations ♪

♪ Which destination? ♪

♪ Paps, helicopters, event of the ages Caught in the matrix ♪

[Beezy] Ben Affleck was not on my bingo card.

[laughs] I don't think he was anyone's bingo card to come back.

And... what?

♪ We can disappear tonight ♪

♪ What about a midnight trip to Vegas? ♪

♪ Just me and you, baby ♪

[J.Lo] That heartbreak

set both of us on a course to just...

to figuring ourselves out, and to being better people.

[Affleck] Do you think you've forgiven me all the way?

Yeah, I think I've forgiven you all the way.

I think I need to forgive myself some things.

I just wanted to say thank you, guys.

This was a really, really special project.

I know half the time, you guys are like, "What the fuck are you guys doing?"

But there is a method to our madness, and it's a really beautiful story

to be told about love and loving yourself and what that means for the world.

Everyone who worked on this film

and everyone who created the album, they really empowered me

because they believed in what I had to say, that...

there's magic out there.

Those five weeks that we rehearsed with the dancers,

and created this with all the choreographers,

it was such a cathartic experience for me.

I know it wasn't easy, and I know I pushed you,

and I know I expected the moon when we had,

- you know, budget for like a pack of gum. - [laughter]

But you delivered above and beyond.

And I want to thank Dave

because he put his whole heart and soul into this.

So, thank you so much, again.

[all cheering]

[J.Lo] I know we're over budget.

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

[Affleck] So what happened?

Did you sell it?

[line trilling]

- [Meyers] Hey. - Hey.

It was all the people,

the head of marketing, the head of, you know, docs,

the head of the whole... all the heads.

And they were sitting there, and the minute it was over,

she was like, "Oh, my God, Jennifer."

It could not have gone better.

- It was crazy. - [Meyers] That's awesome.

And at the end of the day...

someone bought it.

- You put all this together yourself. - We did it.

- No "we" about it. - [laughing]

No fucking "we" about any of it.

Let's go!

[Affleck] It's the first time she's done something

as an artistic form of expression

that was purely for the sake of what she had to express.

It was about bringing out things that she felt inside

that she just wanted to say.

And I don't really love being in the making-of documentary

about my personal life, which is why I'm so relieved

that it's not really... seems like I might be in this, but it's not...

I'm not really.

I was worrying for no reason.

The movie wasn't about me.

It was about the ability to love yourself.

And that love story

is a lot fucking harder to find than Prince Charming.

[Lewis] You don't fuck around with time.

You live and learn. Let me say this to you...

the prize for aging...

is wisdom.

Wisdom feels good.

It's precious.

Love something, love somebody.

But more than that,

you better find a way to at least like yourself.

When you take your last breath,

you won't think about who did something wrong to you.

You will think about who loved you.

[Sadghuru] Love is not something that you do,

it's something that you can become.

It's lifelong.

It goes on...

Whether you like it or you don't like it,

you'll end up loving something, if not somebody.

[deGrasse Tyson] Our atoms were forged in the cores of stars.

Those stars exploded, scattering that enrichment across the galaxy,

out of which the next generations of stars and planets are born.

We are stardust.

It is literally true.

Not only are you alive in the universe,

the universe is alive within you.

You know, art is beauty, but it's pain.

You know, sometimes it's the pain that's beautiful, it's sad.

[J.Lo] I feel like I came out the other side.

I've made it through. I've made something good of my life.

And I'm proud of that.

But one of the parts of that

was admitting to myself, you're not perfect.

You're not completely whole.

And you know what?

Something that's worn and older and broken,

like a nice, leather jacket, or an old pair of boots,

is really beautiful.

And kind of embracing the beauty

of the scars that we pick up along the way.

["I Still Love You" by Switch and Andrea Martin playing]

[vocalizing]

♪ Ain't it strange How I call out your name? ♪

♪ I met silence again ♪

♪ Can't remember when I last smiled within 'Cause doing bad is in ♪

♪ But I'm letting go ♪

♪ I'm giving in ♪

♪ 'Cause I still love you ♪

♪ Please come back to me ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ He's everything I need ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ You make my life complete ♪

♪ I still love you, I still love you ♪

♪ Please come back to me ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ He's everything I need ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ You make my life complete ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ I need to breathe I need you to succeed ♪

♪ I met silence again 'Cause his love grew thin ♪

♪ I can't hurt the same I'm immune to pain ♪

♪ If you break these chains Help me live again ♪

♪ If I'd known it was you I woulda said it was you ♪

♪ But you gave up too soon You made it seem true ♪

♪ I will risk my heart If you risk yours again ♪

♪ Boy, I'm letting go, I'm giving in ♪

♪ 'Cause I still love you ♪

♪ Please come back to me ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ He's everything I need ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ You make my life complete ♪

♪ I still love you, I still love you ♪

♪ Please come back to me ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ He's everything I need ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ You make my life complete ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ No one ever wants to say goodbye ♪

♪ We should have Gave ourselves another try ♪

♪ Should've only been one thing Us against the wind ♪

♪ Now I only have myself to blame ♪

♪ And I cry beside This thing called rain ♪

♪ Wished our feelings never changed But I'm letting go, I'm giving in ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ Please come back to me ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ He's everything I need ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ You make my life complete ♪

♪ I still love, I still love ♪

♪ Please come back to me ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ He's everything I need ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ You make my life complete ♪

♪ I still love, love... I still love you ♪

♪ Please come back to me ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ He's everything I need ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ You make my life complete ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ Please come back to me ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ He's everything I need ♪

♪ I still love you ♪

♪ You make my life complete ♪

[music fades out]