Original subtitles

[ice clinks]

♪

[pigs grunt]

[donkey brays]

[assorted animal noises continue]

That's good is it, the drinking?

Mmm.

As long as it doesn't run away with you.

It's been a bumpy month or two.

Sunshine in a glass.

[lamb bleats]

Hmm, oh, hello, darlings.

I've just sat down.

Good day at work?

I X-rayed a woman who had a fur ball stuck in her esophagus.

We think she's been licking her cat.

LESLIE: Yeah, and I can't talk

about my work, it's confidential.

Oh, thank goodness.

Except to say that...

Here we go.

There's one less shoplifter

called Alexis Spiliotopoulos plying his trade

since this morning. Oh, I'm proud of you, darling.

Just don't do anything brave, please, ever.

Oh, telegram from Larry from Athens.

Postman gave me it.

"Athens is fulgent.

"Met Indian Prince JeeJeebuoy.

"He arrives tomorrow,

short stay."

We've a prince coming to stay?

I hope his immigration papers are in order.

You know, a tiara does not constitute a valid passport.

GERRY: But royalty.

Maybe he'll come on an elephant.

We're not making any concessions

just because he's a, a silly prince.

But no harm in a quick spring clean.

Oh, yes, good,

you three can start on the garden.

♪

♪

Ooh, please check Roger for fleas.

I'm studying.

Oh, thank you.

I'm so pleased.

Finally.

We're immune.

Don't want to give minor royalty a rash.

There we are.

Typical of Larry

to dump someone on us.

We did live in India, after all.

Well, I'm going to work.

Leslie was born in India, Lugaretzia,

in the Punjab.

You are Indian?

Well, not really,

but it's all fluid, isn't it, these days.

We're here, Margo's boyfriend

is Turkish, [groans]

and Leslie's having a baby with a Greek girl.

Do try to get to know Daphne better.

Especially now that

you've got a responsible job

you can be proud of.

I've tried, but her family

are so angry with me for not marrying her,

I can't do any more.

[car horn honking]

SPIROS: Good morning officer.

Don't you dare

kick my wheels.

Policed to meet you!

Mrs. Durrell,

Margo says you have a maharaja coming to stay.

Yes, Larry's started picking up exotic friends.

Why stop at exotic animals?

I come bearing shrimps.

Perfect,

Now I can make shrimp mango pulao

for Prince JeeJeebuoy.

No, they're for Gerry's flamingos.

SPIROS: Shall I get you champagne

for your special visitor?

No, no, no, he will live like the rest of us.

Oh.

Actually Larry might like some, so yes, thank you.

Do pick up a crate.

♪

CREECH [mumbling drunk]: Die, you old bastard.

Hardest bed ever.

All gone wrong.

Captain Creech?

Captain Creech!

Yes.

Only just.

Can I help you up?

What's the point?

Perhaps I could find you a nicer gutter?

With a view?

THEO: We will feed one shrimps, the other not,

to see if it affects their color.

So are there many animals

whose color changes with what they eat?

Yes, salmon.

Goldfinches, also from carotenoids.

You know, she's stopped fretting

about my education

now I take my books with me everywhere.

What's really in there?

Dormice? A weasel?

[flamingo honking]

So, how did you end up here?

Oh, chasing a popsy.

Mellifluous arse.

Bosoms lagging far behind, perfectly acceptable.

Aren't you a bit old for that?

Well, it turns out I am.

So many luscious beauties

have slipped through my fingers.

How is your mother?

Fidgety at the prospect of grandmother-hood.

Otherwise rather well.

I'm rock bottom.

I don't have a pot to piss in.

Although,

out the window works just as well, I find.

[both chuckle]

I hate to sound like a bank manager but,

haven't you any savings put by?

I have my boat in Corfu,

and what I stand up in.

I tried to kill myself, you know.

But I couldn't.

Well, that's ironic.

I imagine many people have wanted to kill you

over the years.[choked laugh]

♪

[animals grunting, insect chirping]

MARGO: Relax.

He'll probably be one of those modern royals

who love normality.

It's not normal here.

There's a zoo.

Lugaretzia will call him something awful,

and he'll be expecting a lavatory

that isn't open to the elements.

Are you all right?

Yes, of course I am.

Gerry!

He's just drawn animals and written daft stories.

Well, what do you expect?

Latin declensiables?

No, that's not right, is it?

"The huge hairy animal mad a bow..."

and he spells like a half-wit...

"'Hooly mackerel, a gray baboon,

my farverit!' he sayed."

Gerry, you solemnly promised

that you were studying.

There is no actual work here.

Certain is not spelt S-U-R-T-E-N.

It should be, though, shouldn't it?

That's not good enough!

You need the structure

of a school.

Where you can make friends with people of your own age.

I am not going to a horrible English boarding school

that smells of fear and sick.

No, of course you're not.

I'll find you a school here.

♪

Royalty coming up the garden path!

♪

Hello.

You must be Mrs. Durrell.

Such charm.

Leslie,

the hunter.

Margo, the beauty of the island.

Naturalist par excellence, Gerry.

And Lugaretzia.

The cleaner!

Thank you for letting me stay.

It makes me very hot to see you all.

[laughs] We're honored

to welcome you.

We've had to scrub the house.

The animals have left a lot

of worrying stains.

May I offer you

a welcoming glass of champagne, Your Highness?

No! Oh no!

Have you forgotten something?

Your elephant?

No, it's my foolish name.

My mother named me Prince,

her attempt to make

our humble family sound royal.

Oh.

That is brilliant.

I'm gonna name my son King.

If I'm allowed a say in the name.

So, what do we call you?

My friends call me JeeJee.

Shall I give back the rest of the champagne?

No.

Mrs. Durrell, I'll try to make amends

by being a most entertaining guest.

♪

JEEJEE: The tiger padded into the room.

He froze, hoping that if he attacked anybody,

it would be Major Ponsonby,

whom nobody liked, [laughter]

but he turned towards me.

I vowed that if I escaped,

I would live as if each day were my last.

LOUISA: Why is he such a joy?

He loves life,

and he's on the side of the angels.

Gerry, you have a beautiful future.

You understand that animals

are our simpler, better selves.

They teach us so much, from how to sit quietly,

to how to eat a fruit with elegance.

I don't think Mother agrees with you.

No, Gerry, that's not fair.

I've given you freedom most boys only dream about.

So, why take it away now?

It's a school, not a house of correction.

What's the difference?

The age-old dichotomy

between formal education and learning

from what my mother calls "fannying about."

[laughs]

Yes.

None of my children liked school.

Leslie took his uniform into the garden

and shot it.

You've created a special family.

Yes, I have, haven't I?

Thank you.

I'm remembering how lovely

it can be to have guests.

[car horn honking]

JeeJee!

Larry!

Thank you!

I love your family.

Oh, these aren't mine.

No, you've come to the wrong house.

Humor as a deflective modesty reflex!

Yes, yes!

How was Athens?

Full of good things.

I loved the old ruins so much,

I brought one back.

He's homeless and destitute.

Yes, of course he is.

He's a drunken old lech,

nobody wants him in their house.

I found him at death's door.

Shall I bury him

in the quarry, Mrs. Durrells?

No.

Oh!

Nice to be talked about.

Or are you discussing how to get rid of me?

Yes, that's one of the choices.

LARRY: Tell mother

about karma.

Rebuff him, Mrs. Durrell,

and it may come back to bite you

in the afterlife.

It's rather full here,

but you can stay for a day or two.

You'll have to have Gerry's room.

With the bugs,

and the rotting stuffed bat.

Oh!

Is that a barely crested grebe?

[sighs contentedly]

By then, the water was up to my arsehole,

a soothing balm for my dysentery

but bad news in the middle of cocking Baffin Bay.

Talk about a grim Northwest Passage, eh?

[laughs heartily]

[nervous laughter]

I fear these need a scrub, my dear.

LESLIE: [speaking Greek]

English today, I must practice.

I do not like to arrest people.

Are you in the right job?

No.

But being a baker turned me into a whale.

Oh come on, we'll trot along?

No.

Daphne.

I want us to be friends.

How could we?

You're abandoning me.

I'm not.

So marry me, and the baby can have

a respectable life.

But that's not fair.

Daphne.

[knocking]

THEO: Mrs. Durrell!

Nothing medical, I hope?

No, I'm very well.

Although less so now Captain Creech

is staying with us.

MARGO: Well, this will cheer you up, look.

We had a quiet day at work

so we X-rayed a rabbit wearing glasses.

[chuckles]

Can I ask

your advice about Gerry?

I want to find him a local school.

Oh.

And this is a fish with an earring.

Let's try to look like professionals.

As you know, Gerry hated school in England,

so I need somewhere that's welcoming,

but not too lax.

And sporty,

because his interests are a bit narrow.

Mrs. Durrell... But he loves writing,

so a school with a creative ethos would be...

There's only one school he can go to.

Oh.

The nearest one.

And you'll both have to be interviewed

by the headmistress,

who will test Gerry's Greek.

Ah.

I love having him around the house,

but a school's a good idea, isn't it?

Why not?

He's fiercely intelligent.

Anywhere would be lucky to have him.

LESLIE [speaking Greek]:

Well, let's leave it.

If they're not sleeping, they're shouting.

You can't just leave it.

[speaking Greek]

Nope.

Mrs. Petridis!

Have you mislaid a baby?

Thank you.

I put him in the shade,

but I couldn't remember where.

At least he didn't roll down a hill this time.

I won't charge you with neglect on this occasion.

Thank you.

[baby giggles]

[lamb bleats]

I am restored! Ha! Good.

Well, do try to stay on the straight and narrow.

Well, I will if you will.

We...

both have a bent for...

liquid indulgence.

Oh, I think she's an amateur compared to you.

So, who will buy my boat?

I've never seen the appeal.

Water, wind.

Seagulls.

Chunky knitwear.

Oh, don't listen.

Les and I are dying to do some sailing.

Oh! [laughs]

Oh, I like you more and more, my boy.

There!

20 pounds.

Go on, arrest me, I'm robbing myself.

[water splashes]

LESLIE: It's not even worth 20 bob.

If you knew anything

about boats...

I do, I do!

...you would appreciate her solid qualities.

LARRY: I love it.

You suddenly realize you can go anywhere.

What a fine fellow you are.

And this boat's like,

well, it's like you, Creech...

barnacled, leaking...

Yes I-I do do that...

But heroically holding onto existence.

I'll buy it. What?

[laughs]

Hooray!

You don't even know how to sail.

Well, what an opportunity to start.

The captain will teach me.

Will I bollocks.

Cheer up.

JEEJEE: My brother, having waltzed at the ball

with an eminent European lady,

led her back to her seat,

took her fan, and said,

"Madam, may I make wind in your face?"

[laughter]

[sighs fondly] India enchanted us.

That's why it was so hard to settle down

in Bournemouth... too many memories

of warm nights

and fireflies and music,

and your father coming home late from building bridges

to find you all in bed,

fighting sleep so you could tell him about your day.

Applause for the chef.

[applause]

Well done, Mummy!

The curry was

just missing some Bombay duck.

You can't get it on Corfu.

Use a local duck.

It's not duck, it's a dried lizardfish.

I'll find a substitute.

What are your plans after us, JeeJee?

I'm en route to Persia

to visit a famous holy man,

a fakir.

To prepare, after this meal

I'll fast for four days

to aid meditation into a trance.

I'll fast, too.

I'm intensely spiritual.

I can't fast.

I'm too busy righting wrongs out there on the streets.

Creech!

I thought it was quiet.

Yes, I've just been snoozing off the boozing.

[chuckling]

Forgive me, Mrs. Durrell,

but I think you drink too much.

The body is a precision instrument.

To take alcohol is like pouring treacle

into an expensive piano.

Oh, nonsense! Leave the gal alone.

Do you think it's easy

trying to run a ship... er, house?

Thank you.

And now...

Oh, right,

let's have a sing-song, shall we?

I'll-I'll start off

and you join in.

What?

[singing]: ♪ Oh, Mary

♪ She's a sailor's lass

♪ To me, Hooker John, O John ♪

♪ We courted all night

♪ On the grass, to me

♪ Hooker John, O John!

♪ Oh Susanna, whoa

♪ Way up high

♪ Johnny's on the foreyard, Yonder... ♪

Have you noticed,

it's like Mother's good angel and her bad angel.

♪ ...Way up high...

Wonder who's going to win.

♪ Way up high

LESLIE: He's so skinny, he'll blow into the sea.

Especially after two days of fasting.

LOUISA: I wonder if it's making him

less judgmental.

It's making him beautifully calm.

[thudding]

LESLIE: I wonder why it's not doing the same to Margo?

What are you staring at?

Don't kill each other,

and stay away from Albania.

LESLIE: Watch and learn from me at first.

LARRY [imitating]: Watch and learn from me at first.

I was hungry in the night and I, er,

ate one of the locusts.

Don't tell the boy.

LESLIE: No, first pull on the vang.

LARRY: What's the vang?

It's on the end of the gaff.

I told you what everything is.

You were too busy posing in your blouse.

I will arrest you if you touch that rope again.

This is my boat, so can you stop,

for one second,

being a policeman?

No, fine. No, no, fine.

I'll leave you to it, shall I?

I would adore that.

Yeah.

[water splashing]

I don't think you'll find any lizard fish here

for your Bombay duck thing.

I'll dry whatever I catch.

Let's talk about school.

I'm going to test you some more on your Greek.

You must impress your headmistress,

Or your mother will

be broken into two.

Greek for school?

Skoolopolos?

So close!

Really? No.

Greek for mathematics?

Mathonopolous.

Almost there.

Was I? No.

[groans]

Oh darling, please eat something.

Fasting doesn't agree with you.

No, it's spiritually cleansing.

Well, you did eat those five biscuits

and lunch yesterday.

[inhales]

Oh, this is harder than childbirth.

Right.

Oh! Mm-mmm, no.

Lugaretzia.

[struggling]

[breathing heavily]

LOUISA: Oh, hello.

Fish, for drying.

You don't like him no more?

I do, but I don't like

being told off in front of my family.

[crowd chattering, dogs barking]

What's going on down there?

It looks illegal.

Never mind... live and let live.

[scoffs]

Isn't that Daphne's father?

[speaking Greek]

Leslie?

Well, Junior Constable Durrell,

strictly speaking.

Yassas.

[sighs]

[insects chirping]

JeeJee!

Margo!

No wonder he fainted,

it smells hideous.

No, it's the fasting.

He's too thin.

I'm cooking you a very big lunch.

I'm sure enlightenment is also possible

on a full stomach.

Please tell me to shut up but...

Shut up.

Thank you, JeeJee, but I am old enough

to make up my own mind.

Of course you are.

Now, finish that

fizzy tosh and move onto this.

Oh, I'm fine, thank you.

They say it goes

with this, if you're a girlie.

Oh.

Leslie!

Hi, JeeJee.

There's a stink in the garden.

Yes, JeeJee's drying sardines to make Bombay Duck.

Mummy, can I...

[quietly]: Why are you taking me over here, darling?

I found out that Daphne's father

is involved in smuggling cigarettes.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I don't know whether to report him.

Well, what happens if you don't?

If I'm caught, I'll lose my job.

Oh darling, come and eat.

Now, try this.

Mmm.

[chuckles]

♪

[brakes squeal]

Are you okay, Miss Margo?

I was fasting, then I ate a whole pie.

And that's another reason why I love it here.

Travelers pass through... you,

my Swedish friend Sven, and Hugh, of course...

or Huge, depending on who you talk to.

[laughs]

Although, there was

something missing.

Oh, and recently, in London...

JEEJEE: Spiro.

Hello, JeeJees.

Mrs. Durrells, your car awaits.

Oh!

Where are we going?

I do love surprises.

I'm taking you and Gerrys to meet the headmistress

of the school.

Oh. I forgot.

I'm an idiot.

I would advise you

to postpone the encounter, Mrs. Durrell.

Or shall we just get it over with?

Yes.

It's vital he gets

a bloody good education.

I think the bad angel is winning.

[distant bell ringing]

Oh...

Albania.

No, let's not go that way.

Oh.

Bugger.

HEADMISTRESS [speaking Greek]:

GERRY [speaking Greek]:

[laughing]: It's all Greek to me.

[hiccups] Ooh.

Oh, I do apologize.

[sighs]

You know I think, don't you, that

a school is... is like a greenhouse.

Carry on.

Do you want to get

some air, Mother?

No, no darling, there's plenty

of that in here.

My mother has a lot of guests

at the moment,

and they can be quite a handful.

Late nights, that kind of thing.

My fakir Andrawathi is an amazing man.

He was once buried alive for 120 days.

Oh, how awful.

No, it was deliberate.

Oh.

He was in a trance.

I've experienced it myself. Is it magical?

It is.

You feel you're floating.

Indeed, real levitation does occur.Wow.

It is a paradox

that most of us love the world,

but wish somehow to escape its bounds.

Mmm, like Mother's drinking.

Indeed.

I fear I've offended her.

It is, after all,

another form of trance.

I wonder if she's come out of it yet.

And would I be able to bring my dog Roger in?

No.

LOUISA: Really?

He's now fully free of fleas,

and that's not easy to say. [snorts]

I'm afraid you will not be coming to this school.

What? Why?

It is not your son's fault, though his Greek is limited.

It is yours.

♪

[Creech snoring]

Oh...

Oh, hello dear.

Must get on, people to annoy.

[chuckles]

[groans]

LESLIE: Please, Daphne,

may I talk to you?

Yes.

I don't know if your father said anything,

about this morning?

He did.

I'm not going to tell anyone.

Thank you.

I won't tell anyone,

even if it costs me my job.

Because whether you like it or not,

we will be family.

It's me who wants us to be a real family.

We need to be in love for that.

Bloody teachers, always judging everyone.

I know. Outrageous.

You know, Creech is right,

the finger-waggers will always be with us.

A woman can't have a drink now, is that it?

JeeJee's...

You need to come, he's in a trance.

[quietly]: Gerry, run upstairs

and try to grab him.

Margo, bring cushions.

That doesn't look very safe.

Why don't you and I...

[gasps] JeeJee!

Oh God!

Speak to me.

Please.

There we go.

Let's both try to be more normal.

Did the pelican get you?

No, he fell onto the pergola.

I'm going to try it again.

No.GERRY: Please don't.

Has anyone seen Larry?

LESLIE: No, not since

I left him on his boat, which he can't sail,

by the way.

He was so annoying, I just left him there.

MAN [speaking Albanian]:

♪

Hello, Albanians.

[yelling]: I am British.

But think of me above all

as a friend of Albania.

[men speaking Albanian]

♪

[sighs]

[dog barks] [shouting in distance]

It's bloody easy when you know how, isn't it,

this sailing.

[slowly]: Bloody. Easy.

MEN: Bloody easy.

LARRY [speaking Albanian]:

Hello!

I'm back! [grunts]

Sorry, you must've been really worried.

Yes, yes.

Don't do that again.

I drifted, but I was in safe hands.

Albanians are fantastic people.

Good, let's send Gerry to school there.

Oh, he didn't get in?

Why, did he bang on about bugs

or otter crap till she snapped?

No, I ruined it by turning up drunk.

Oh come on, that is quite funny.

No, it's not.

I keep messing up Gerry's education.

And I've been drinking like a fish

since Auntie died

and Leslie made a baby nobody wants,

poor little mite.

Exactly, that's why you're drinking.

To numb the pain.

You're a fine mother,

and a generous host to whomever I throw at you.

No more guests, please.

Unless they're like JeeJeebuoy.

He's sweetened our lives so much.

Unlike our sailor friend.

I can't for a moment imagine why

I listened to Creech over him.

Yeah, that was stupid.

Well, I've given up alcohol, again.

Well, I haven't.

In fact, I need one right now.

I was scared back there.

We're heading for war in Europe,

and I panic at the sight

of some delightful Albanian fishermen.

[sniffs] That's not me

that stinks of fish, is it?

I think it must be, darling.

[honking]

THEO: We are ready

to record the results.

It's a black and white photograph, of course,

but we'll get the idea.

[flamingos honk]

[camera shutter clicks]

JEEJEE: When you feel the urge to have a tipple,

adopt this meditative position.

Now, think of a word to say over and over.

Something simple.

Grandmother.

Grand... Don't say it out loud.

Possibly a word

with fewer syllables.

How about fish?

Try something unrelated to what's on your mind.

[humming]

[humming]

I was unfair, Gerry.

You're a lovely writer.

Thank you.

Larry writes to dazzle.

You write to entertain.

And your spelling makes me laugh out loud.

[laughs]

This is my scientific report, to show that

I'm doing fine without school.

Oh, well, thank you,

I shall read it with interest.

I'm so sorry for yesterday.

I can't promise

I'll never embarrass you again,

but I won't do it for a while.

[chuckles]

[sheep bleating]

[speaking Greek]

[door opens]

The sardines smell dead.

I know, and Zoltan's coming.

He vomits at the drop of a hat.

[sighs]

[typewriter clacking] ♪

LUGARETZIA: Hurry!

Oh!

Close your eyes and make your chin go floppy.

Chin is floppy.

[groaning]

Here, you do it.

You would benefit from meditation,

because you have a stressful job.

Oh, I have.

Don't even get me started.

[hums]

[both hum]

Quick, quick.

Wait, Margo, please.

Ignore us, Daphne, we're just burying some fish.

Oh, oh...

Quick.

Hello, Daphne.

Hello.

Thank you, Leslie.

Hello, sir.

Welcome to the family.

And welcome to mine.

I am not perfect, but my daughter is.

Please.

LOUISA: Tea for our guests.

Thank you, Lugaretzia.

Oh!

Hello.Hello. Larry?

Larry?

Albania!

Champagne?

No, mother's ruin.

Lugaretzia... [speaking Greek]

LUGARETZIA: No! Kill it!

Make a handbag.

I've changed my mind.

I love having guests.

What are we humans for, otherwise?

Trains moving forward on tracks that never touch.

Mrs. Durrells.

I was worried about you.

Thank you.

I'm fine now.

I blame myself for buying the bubbly.

Well, it's all gone now.

And to be honest,

I had a back-up vat of cooking sherry.

Well, tragically, dear lady, I, I...

I must depart.

Mmm.

You saved my life.

Well, that was rather gracious.

Thank you.

Anyway,

it won't be so much fun 'round here

now the loopy Indian's buggering off, eh?

[laughs]

I knew it couldn't last.

And as they say

at sea... one should always leave

before they count the cutlery.

And I'm very pleased to tell you

I've finally beaten the demon drink.

Gosh, how?

Well I-I watched you pour it down your neck

all this week and realized,

frankly, it's all a bit unsavory.

Not really the kind of thing

I like to see in a lady.

Shall I strike him?

There's a line of people ahead of you.

Shall we say goodbye, Captain?

Rather inhospitable.

Got any tucker for the journey?

No.No.

Well, I didn't see much of you, JeeJee,

but I hear you went down a storm.

Ah.

I fear I lost credibility

when I became lodged in your greenery.

Oh, we thought that was your finest hour.

Oh, Prince.

It's been a joy.

And if ever you want to be the fifth Durrell child,

don't hesitate.

I'm still amazed that seagulls managed

to eat all my dried fish. Shocking.

I know. Bloody birds.

Good luck with your fakir. Send us a photograph

of you levitating.

Daphne agrees that we should call our baby King.

No, I don't.

Or we might go for Count, or Doctor.

Please all visit me

in India.

Gerry, I'm sure I can rustle up a tiger.

Bye!

Bye, JeeJee!

Well, that's two guests gone,

now there's just your 54 unwanted animals to go.

Always funny.

But, in fact, there are a couple whose work is done.

Oh.

♪

So, room for some more now.

♪

It's been so quiet since our guests left.

Mmm.

Don't worry, I've got a batch coming over.

[speaking Greek]

[Greek continues]

Greetings.

"From the bottom of my heart

"via a friend in Colombia, to my kind hosts.

JeeJee."

Oh.

That is the weirdest monkey.

Have I been drinking again,

or does it look like that?

It's a sloth.

Gosh!