Original subtitles

♪

[munching]

How do you split up nicely from a girlfriend?

You've only just got together.

Not Dionisia, Daphne.

Daphne still thinks we're going steady.

You be you, I'll be Daphne.

Do it.

I thought you wanted to write.

I'm stuck, I've given up for the day.

It's ten to 8:00 in the morning...

[goat bleating distantly]

Hello, Leslie,

I love you so much.

Thank you,

I'm very fond of you,

but I prefer another girl.

Again,

but not trying to get a slap.

[goat bleating]

[Leslie sighs]

I, I would love you back, Daphne,

but I can't love anyone

since my accident.

That's just creepy.

Write her a letter.

♪

[car horn honks]

SPIROS: Mrs. Durrells!

[brakes squealing]

Your auntie left this in my car.

I don't know what it is, it must be English.

Thank you, Spiros.

Ah, England.

It seems so far away, with its...

whatever this is.

SPIROS: Hello, Gerry.

Where are you off to?

To stare at a wall.

[bird chirping]

Spiros, would you mind taking this

to Daphne Likourgou's house?

Of course.

Yeah, I'm splitting up with Daphne.

Because I'm with Dionisia now.

Me and the girl I love.

Being honest and happy, forever.

Will you tell him it's not that easy?

It's not that easy.

[chickens clucking]

♪

Herete.

Herete.

♪

♪

♪

♪

[birds chirping, insects clicking]

[insect flitting]

♪

Hello.

Hello.

Why are we staring at a wall?

It's alive.

Is it?

I'm not known for my arithmetic,

but I calculate there are 20,000 living beings

on this wall.

♪

AUNT HERMIONE: 19,999...

Ah, but over here...

New birth.

[clicking]

And so it goes,

around and around.

The whirligig of time.

Yes.

[birds chirping]

How do they stick to the wall?

We think it's tiny claws with adhesive hairs

called tarsi,

helped by the insects' minuscule weight.

Not working?

I've been writing about sex for weeks.

It's very draining.

Talking of which,

you need to speak to Leslie about contraception.

But I have.

What kind of a mother do you think I am?

The kind who used so many euphemisms,

he was none the wiser.

I do remember saying "protection" a lot,

and him looking confused.

He may have thought I was talking about guns.

I have French letters, I'll talk him through it,

how you roll them on,

and so on.Stop.

It's my job, I'll do it my way.

Hello, darling.

Just off to see Dionisia.

Yes.

Exactly.

What?

[nervous chuckle]

We should talk about life and...

and how it starts... or doesn't.

No, no we're not doing the bloody birds and the bees.

Yes,

but there are mechanical aspects

that I fear I explained poorly.

[insects chirping]

I'm happy to buy some...

equipment...

so that...

bees are prevented.

♪

[woman calling in Greek]

ZOLTAN: Margo.

Hello, Zoltan.

I'm sad without you.

Why did you reject me?

I'm handsome and wealthy

and have many talents. You see,

you've rather summed up what's wrong with you.

I am... too superb?

No, you're arrogant and smug.

I had no idea!

I'm sure I mentioned it when I finished with you.

You see, you haven't asked me how I am or anything.

How are you, and everything?

Very well.

I have a job I love

in the new x-ray unit at Dr. Petridis's.

I would be a superb doctor.

You don't realize how you sound, do you?

Please, be mine again.

No.

♪

Hello, dear.

I'm doing a tour

of my cherished great-nephews before I doze.

Auntie, I'm flagging.

Inspire me

with your views on sex in the 20th century.

I may have learned to relax and enjoy life, dear,

but I'm still a Victorian.

All I would say

is don't neglect us elders in your writing.

We are humanity's depots of wisdom.

We are its Pyramids and its Parthenon.

You are.

But if you ever describe us as sprightly...

I'll ask Leslie to shoot you.

[Leslie and Dionisia laughing]

You are beautiful.

Say again.

You are beautiful.

Say again.

You.

One girlfriend.

Only.

I promise.

Me.

Of course you.

I'm sorry, before I was greedy.

Now I'm just greedy for you.

♪

[knocking]

Herete.

How can I help you?

I am the father of Daphne.

Ah.

Yes, I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Daphne's very special.

Lovely hair.

We must talk.

Must we?

Or shall we just let them put it down to experience?

[birds chirping]

Obviously not.

Cup of tea, Auntie?

Pre-luncheon ouzo?

No.

♪

Humanity's depot of wisdom...

no more.

I know it's sad, but, well, they're so young.

Especially Leslie.

And he can be an absolute horror.

You know, he's been arrested twice.

Daphne's well rid of him.

He has made my daughter pregnant.

Uh... he can't have...

So this is rather late.

[footsteps on stairs]

Leslie, what have you done? Uh...

[struggling for words]

I expect him to, as you say, do the decent thing

and marry Daphne.

We will talk more.

[footsteps retreating]

This is really bad timing, but...

She looks so...

[voice breaking]: strong and calm.

Why do people have to die?

Sorry.

What am I, eight?

Let's hope it wasn't our cooking.

♪

[insects clicking, people murmuring]

Aunt Hermione.

You see.

This is why I wanted to be a nun.

To make sense of all this.

[birds chirping]

The corpse is in the box.

Yes, thank you.

Beautifully put.

UNDERTAKER: We speak soon about money.

[cart rumbling]

I'm so sorry, Mother.

I know.

But, uh...

I'm afraid something equally momentous

has happened.

Daphne's father paid us a visit.

Daphne's having your baby.

No, she isn't.

Why are you so sure?

Because we didn't...

you know.

You didn't sleep with Daphne?

No, well, I did, but only once.

Well, one and a half times.

Well, once is enough.

Leslie...

What, what do you mean, "a half"?

Well, there was this time... It doesn't matter.

[sighs]

You were in a pram yourself only yesterday.

In your little shorts.

Are you taking this in, Leslie?

Or, or do I need to spell out all the consequences

and the, the mess? No.

Life will go on.

And what about poor Daphne?

How will it go on for her?

[insects chirping]

Do you love her?

No.

[exasperated sigh]

[insects chirping]

LARRY: That's the best way to go.

Slipping into oblivion to the lilt of rippling waves.

Aunt Margo...

Auntie Margo.

Uncle Gerry.

Your uncle Gerald.

Here's "Unc"!

[insects chirping]

Are we not allowed to talk about it?

GERRY: Not being mean,

but it seems a bit soon...

Well, of course it's too soon.

It's ten years too soon.

[inhales sharply]

Let's linger with my aunt

for the moment.

I can't believe she's gone.

We should mark her leaving with a big gesture,

kicking Death in the arse.

[insects chirping]

[clears throat]

What did she love most?

Lamb.

Lambs?

No, lamb.

Goat's a bit like lamb,

with mint sauce.

In her honor,

we could slay the one that's stopped giving milk.

How does it honor someone to slay a living creature?

MARGO: Oh, back off,

vegetarian.

You spend all day watching bugs kill each other.

But they do it to survive.

LARRY: I like the idea.

Very Druid.

We should do it ourselves.

[sighs]: Right.

I'm going up.

I've made your bed up, Margo.

No, I don't fancy sleeping where Auntie died.

I'll stay on the sofa tonight.

[insects chirping]

[chair creaking]

[exhales]

♪

[insects clicking, birds chirping]

Gerry, it's not good for your eyes.

No, I think it is.

Maybe it is.

[exhales]

It's all you ever do is stare at this bloody thing.

[sniffs]This is my favorite gecko.

LOUISA: Aren't they all the same?

Oh, excuse me.

He's called Geronimo.

How do you know?

Because you called him that.

Yes, I'm very tired.

I didn't sleep very well.

I kept seeing my aunt's face.

[insects clicking, birds chirping]

LOUISA: How do the insects stay on the wall?

Tiny claws with sticky hairs.

Mm.

♪

Oh, look away.

[goat bleating]

Maybe I should try drowning you.

Look, this is a noble sacrifice.

We eat you,

so you become flesh with the Durrell family,

which is a privilege.

[makes exasperated sound]

[bleating]

[bleating]

[struggling]

[knife slices, screams]

No![bleating]

Fetch a doctor!

No, not after your bogus broken leg.

My typing thumb is on the ground!

Well, the tip of it.

[bleating]How's the goat?

The goat is an irrelevance!

[screams in frustration][bleating]

♪

[talking in Greek]

LOUISA: Kalimera.

Kalimera, gracious lady.

The dead auntie is in the cellar.

You certainly have all the phrases.

She is lying with a young man.

Company, that's nice.

No.

He fell in a machine.

His head is off.

Auntie was on holiday?

She planned to live here.

But was only given

a few days. Too bad.

My aunt is being embalmed for the journey home?

Yes.

Who will go with her?

Well, I assumed she'd go alone.

I do not advise it.

Why not?

We have lost bodies in transit.

It looks like you're off to England.

Please,

bring me back some Marmite.

[people talking indistinctly]

[Adonis crying]

FLORENCE: Margo, baby duty

while I help lance Mr. Tombros's plague of boils.

Another of my dreams come true.

[footsteps retreating]

Well done again.

Tiny bit irritating.

Uh, and I have a patient for you.

An old beau,

says he needs an x-ray.

[Adonis cooing]

Zoltan, do you honestly expect me to believe

you've hurt your arm? Yes.

I was bravely rescuing a kitten...

No, not bravely.

Averagely rescuing it,

for I am not an arrogant man.

THEO: Hello.

We met when you two were stepping out together.

Ah, yes, the happy time.

Hello.

I fear I have broken my arm.

Kitten accident.

It's just an excuse to meet me.

That would be a bad waste of our time and money,

which are in short supply.

I'll pay 100 drachma for my treatment.

[Adonis babbling]

Go on then.

Stand over here,

slip off your shirt.

[birds chirping, insects hissing]

GERRY: Geronimo doesn't bother eating ladybirds or gnats,

he waits for the lacewing flies

or the big prize, the mantids.

Mm, tasty.

Cicely.

Why do you give them names?

We give names to whoever we love.

Geronimo has his eye on Cicely.

How do they not fall off the wall?

Suction.

[making sucking noises]

[brakes squealing]

None of us has been back since we came here.

I love you being here,

but I think you should go back to England

for the funeral.

Ooh, I'm coming too.

You always say you hate England.

It might be more fun now that I've got some mad friends

through my novel.

Anyway I'm writing bollocks here.

I'll send some telegrams to alert the literati.

I don't know bollocks, what is that?

I should go back, but I'm worried about Leslie.

I feel like my head is being battered between two bricks.

[sighs]: What are we going to do?

[door opening]

It may turn out well.

I married my wife after she was with child.

And you've no regrets, have you?

No.

[engine starting]

[insects clicking]

♪

I'm sure there's a rational explanation.

I don't care.

I'm not moving back in.

Leslie, swap rooms with your sister.

No, it's too spooky.

Larry can swap. No, I work in my room.

It's sacred.

This is a message.

Aunt Hermione's soul is restless.

We need an exorcism.No.

No more paranormal crap, after Mrs. Haddock.

I do think we might have a, a memorial service

for her, though,

um, as Auntie loved Corfu so much.

And then we'll take her home.

Margo, you're the most spiritual.

Yes, I am. So you arrange it.

♪

[bird calling]

Yes, but...

[sighs]

[slamming, grunts]

[footsteps on stairs]

♪

♪

Please don't look at me like that.

[bleating]

[frustrated exhalation]

[bleating]

[bleating]

Shhh.

Try to think of Auntie.

[gunshot, chickens clucking]

Well, you took it really well.

[bird burbling]

[insects clicking, bird crowing]

[sighs]

You took your time coming here.

Yes, I'm sorry, Mr. Likourgos.

Hello.

Cuppa?

Oh, yes.

[speaking Greek]

[insects clicking, bird crowing]

LOUISA: You speak very good English.

I fought with British Tommies in the Great War.

Battle of Doiran. Oh, well done.

We lost.Ah.

Thank you anyway.

[chair scraping, insects clicking]

LOUISA: My aunt died,

so I'm actually popping back to England.

Blighty.

Indeed.

She snuffed her candle.

Mm.

[inhales]

Daphne, this must be such a jolt for you.

Yes.

Leslie is not speaking.

Well, he's coming to terms with it too.

Aren't you? Yes.

LOUISA: I'm going to speak for Leslie, because,

well, because he's not saying anything.

We should not make any decisions now.

It's rude to stare.

It's rude to put my daughter in the pudding club.

They will marry before the baby shows.

We want no shame.No.

I will shoot him with my army rifle

if you do not agree he marries Daphne.

Good marriages are not made at the point of a gun.

What kind of rifle is it?

Now you talk.

Lee-Enfield.

What, the classic .303, or, or the Mark...

This is the gun he is threatening to kill you with,

Leslie. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Good morning.

Morning, Zoltan.

You forgot your sling.

[chuckles mockingly]

Superb recovery.

Margo, you are looking more beautiful

with every passing day.

It's not true.

I slept terribly.

ZOLTAN: Why?

I'm on the sofa.

My bed is haunted.

Who by?

My great aunt.

Uh.[chair scraping]

A souvenir.

I look forward to seeing you with a genuine injury.

I apologize.

I am a twit.

You see, not arrogant.

I am the least arrogant person in the world.

Well, that's quite arrogant.

[chuckling]Oh, yes.

I have much to learn from you.

I tell you what you can do for me.

Hmm.

Slaughter a goat.

♪

How did that go?

Well, I didn't realize

shotgun weddings actually existed till now.

Oh, dear.

Leslie's obviously deeply traumatized.

You know, I'd rather he got hysterical

than this... blankness.

The cicada are hatching.

LOUISA: Darling,

will you ask Leslie to join you

up at the wall? It might distract him.

[exhales]

You know what I'm wondering?

Whether Daphne really is pregnant.

[groans]

[insects clicking, birds chirping]

[flies buzzing]

This will interest you:

cicada.

They stay underground for up to 17 years,

then emerge as nymphs.

Oh, so the opposite of me:

above ground for 19 years, then buried alive.

[sighs]

How do they stay on the...?

Please don't say it!

♪

You won't organize anything too outlandish tomorrow,

will you, darling?

[pouring water]We will be drawing on many cultures.

We're already sacrificing a goat.

That would raise a few eyebrows in Bournemouth.

In Madagascar, they remember the dead

by regularly digging them up.

Well, let's remember Aunt Hermione

just by remembering her.

Sleep in your bed tonight, darling.

I'm sure Auntie's spirit is at rest.

[footsteps on stairs]

♪

[sighs]

[door closes]

Hello, Daddy.

Daphne on your mind? Mm.

I'm all for go to bed together first,

chat later,

but just ignoring this problem won't make it go away.

I'm seeing her tomorrow,

so we can "get to know each other better."

[swigging from bottle]

Also, I've read a lot of books...

Bravo, have a banana.

Thanks, and there are many examples of phantom pregnancies

or simple wishful thinking from women,

especially if they've been dumped

by the father.

Are you saying Daphne isn't pregnant?

It's possible...

why didn't she tell you when you two were going out?

I'd love her not to be having a baby.

I know.

Your brain has told your face.

But Daphne wouldn't lie.

She told me she loves me.

I just wish I loved her.

Maybe you'll ease into it.

Like tight shoes?

Exactly like tight shoes.

♪

Morning.

Bit of a surprise, all this.

We were stupid.

Everyone is looking at me.

Still...

one-and-a-half times,

call it two, what are the chances?

This may sound bad,

but, you are really having a baby, aren't you?

So you've missed your...

thing.Stop.

You cannot talk about this.

I'm not saying that you're lying,

but... shouldn't we go to a doctor,

just to check that you're well and everything?

[water lapping]

[bell tolling, bird crowing]

Pavlos, thank you so much for helping.

It is a pleasure.

"The day of one's death

is better than the day of one's birth."

Ecclesiastes 7:1.

You may struggle to find anyone who agrees with you.

This is not a nativity.

I know, Pavlos, I told him.

[donkey snorts]Auntie loved donkeys.

I'm not sure she did.

This is the schedule of events.

I've encouraged everyone to contribute.

[distant talking, birds crowing]

I am not unwell.

I know, but the doc can give us advice.

And confirm if you're pregnant or not.

[man coughing]

That's very bad form.

Leslie!

And, er...

Daphne.

There's a bit of a queue, I'm afraid, I'm without Florence.

Oh, where is she? At your great aunt's memorial service.

[footsteps retreating]

I, I really should be there too, Daphne.

I'm sorry... do you mind?

I, I'll be back.[sighs exasperatedly]

[footsteps retreating, patient sneezes, sniffles]

[reciting liturgy in Greek]

[liturgy concludes]

We will now sing Aunt Hermione's favorite song,

"Three Little Maids from School."

[instrument playing]

[Spiros humming]

[all singing off-key]: ♪ Three little maids from school are we ♪

♪ Pert as a school-girl well can be ♪

♪ Filled to the brim with girlish glee ♪

♪ Three little maids from school ♪

[off-tempo]: ♪ Everything is a source of fun ♪

[Spiros strumming]

♪ Nobody's safe...

[rustling]

Keep singing.

[people clearing throats]

Oh.

Your dead auntie is outside.

Shall I wheel her in?

Thank you, no.

Let's not treat her like a portable cabaret act.

[song sheet rustling]

We'll move on. Larry?

[murmuring]

[door closes, opens]

Sorry.

Friends and relatives of Hermione,

local people, monks, animals.

To quote the poet Emily Dickinson...

do give her a try, she's very good...

"Dying is a wild night

and a new road."

Aunt Hermione is on that road now,

and as someone who's been in the car with her,

God help the driver.

[suppressed laughter]

Like us, Hermione was rejuvenated

by this ramshackled

but magical island.

Maybe her heart couldn't take what she called

"surge of bliss."

[footsteps retreating, murmuring]

[wails in Hawaiian]

[wailing ends]

The Hawaiian lament known as the kanikau.

It's in my book about death.

Let's all try it now.

All right we won't then, but you get the gist.

I recently became a vegetarian.

Boo.

So that cuts down on a lot of deaths,

but it's never easy when it strikes.

I cried buckets when my first pet died.

Stinky.

Stinky.Stinky.

Hermione was of course

very English.

I think the reason she was acquiring

so many admirers

on Corfu...

was the same quality of robustness

which built the British empire.

My sympathy lies with Mr. Anestis here...

Thank you.

You brought out her sensual side

which...

I speak as a single person...

one may neglect

if one is...

rather busy.

[murmuring]

♪

Everyone's been sweet about my aunt,

but I spent most of my life in fear of her.

How fitting

that she drew her last mortal breath here in Corfu,

where she learned to relax

and forgive,

and to dance, despite what she called foolish knees.

[chuckling]

She felt at home here,

and I say amen to that.

Amen.

I've recently become very aware of the cycle of life and death.

The old must make way

for the new.

And those of us in between must welcome

and be friends to both.

♪

[bell tolling]

[murmuring, Leslie running]

I'm so sorry.

It went on for ages.

The doctor says yes, I'm pregnant.

Do you want to go check with him that I'm not lying?

I didn't think that you were lying.

Liar.

All right, but it was my brother's stupid idea.

Liar and now coward.

I've been upset. And me?

Did you see me doing happy skipping?

And if I was happy, you wouldn't know,

because you're not interested.

Look,

I've just been managing not to go to pieces.

[bell tolling, birds chirping]

[Zoltan sobbing]

I could not kill it,

even for the love of Margo.

Oh, you poor thing.

And it's just as well... this is the wrong goat.

Oh.MARGO: Zoltan...

That's the wrong goat.

I know!

Sorry, I have been informed.

It's so lovely you're just as weedy as us.

And Zoltan, you should know,

we British love a loser.

I...

Thanks a bunch.

Of course she's pregnant.

You read too many books.

[Leslie grunts angrily, exterior door slams]

[birds chirping]

Looks like your auntie's ready to go home.

[inhales]

[knock on door, opens]

[door closes]I did a bad thing.

Well, you're not the first.

Not that bad thing, another bad thing.

I asked Daphne to go to the doctor's with me...

to check she was pregnant.

She's pretty angry with me.

Oh, Daphne is a decent girl.

You need to treat her well.

I know.

You know, sometimes people who are thrown together thrive.

The choice isn't

will you abandon Daphne and the baby or not.

Of course I won't.The choice is,

will you marry Daphne?

And only you can decide that.

Which is tragic,

because I'd love to decide everything for you.

[inhales]

[insects buzzing and clicking]

♪

She is huge.

Spectacular tegmina!

I'm so glad you're here.

I thought I wanted my family to share my interest,

but it's exhausting.

Ooh, I think it's finally happening.

Who's your money on?

You'd be a fool to bet against Geronimo.

Though, you'd be a fool to bet at all, ever.

Oh, of course you would.

[insects clicking]

Should we separate them?

Too late.

♪

[crunching]

That was horrible.

[insects chirping]

[birds calling]

Hello.

Hello.

I'm sorry.

I've been hopeless.

I want to do everything properly now.

Agree to marry my daughter.

♪

No.

A marriage needs love,

and I'm afraid I'm not in love with Daphne.

So you'll have to shoot me now if you can't live with that.

But I will be a reliable support

to Daphne.

And a good father.

My family will provide for the baby.

[exhales]

I did actually deliver a baby last year by myself.

[insects chirping]

Another time.

Um, Daphne,

let's talk...[speaking Greek]

[bird tweeting]

♪

[brakes squeal, horn honks]

One new bed.

A present from your Turkish friend.

Zoltan bought me a new bed,

because the other one was haunted.

No, it wasn't.What?

Well, obviously it was me that made the shape on the bed,

by lying on it.

You were asking for it

by saying you "Believe in everything."

That's no way to live.

Believe in truth.

[chickens clucking]

She got a free bed out of it.

[insects clicking, dog barking]

How's Daphne?[snorts]

She used to be so... strong.

Now she's all cowed.

So...

It's all right.

We'll be apart.

But it's not all right.

I've tried to shut it all out...

I hate bloody explaining...

because I don't want a baby.

I know.

Come here.

I just feel so trapped, like I can't go back.

Nothing's ever been so...

so permanent before.

I'm not ready to be a parent.

[sobbing]

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

I'm not ready to be a grandparent.

[sighs]

Or to take over from Aunt Hermione.

[goat bleating, footsteps approaching]

GERRY: I found a terrific ditch.

LARRY: Margo, no!

Hah, what are you going to sleep on now?

Why are there mattresses everywhere?

♪

[horn blowing, men speaking Greek]

[dog barking]

These are your papers, Mrs. Durrell.

Now, if they seize the corpse...

I, I'm sorry, but you are rather tactless

for an undertaker.

Can we use another word, please?

Carcass?

MARGO: This is very important.

Read the list properly,

like it's Keats or something.

Don't buy the wrong fishnet stockings.

Thank you.

[men speaking Greek]

Now, just don't drown in the ditch.

I'm sorry about my advice.

No, I've been weird.

I just want to say, whatever happens...

I really need this ammo,

and look, there are a dozen specific gun magazines.

Please look after my children while I'm away.

They suddenly seem very vulnerable.

I would love to.

And what can I bring you back from England, Spiros?

Yourself.[chuckles]

Come on, Auntie.

One last trip.

Bye.

LESLIE: Bye, mum.