Original subtitles

It's all going on, isn't it?

- Where's Theo? - GERRY: Away at a conference.

About molluscs.

No one else will collect dung beetles with me.

LOUISA: Well, that's hardly surprising, is it?

I mean they're beetles made of dung.

GERRY: They're not made of dung. They live on dung.

They cut it and they roll it.

And they bury it.

If only your father were here.

Was he interested in nature?

No.

Why don't you go fishing?

To be honest, we could do with the fish.

(YOUNG MAN SPEAKING GREEK)

Yeah, yeah, thanks for walking me home.

(SPEAKING GREEK)

You're... you're so sweet, but I'm getting married.

My mother's making me. He's in shipping.

- LOUISA: Well done. - (CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY)

Couldn't take any more of your romantic upsets

- after the last one. - Oh, no, no.

I'm... I'm still looking. I just don't really fancy them.

- Might try the harbour. - Margo, you need to get a job.

- Why me? What about Larry and Leslie? - I have a job!

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

It's not a job!

- It's showing off. - LARRY: Shut up, Leslie.

(YOUNG MEN CHATTERING IN GREEK)

Shoo! She's getting married!

Someone in shipping.

You don't think this is work?

This is six months of blood and sweat and...

...other fluids I won't go into.

Yes, I know. Well done, dear.

"Gnarled were the hands tented in worship

"the sodden coat clumped around her

"like moss on grizzled trellis."

Oh, it's lovely, darling, don't spoil it for me, though.

LARRY: Oh, thank God, food.

Uh-uh, that's for Alexia.

It's our two month anniversary.

LOUISA: Oh, sweet boy.

He is best son.

Well, you see, back in England,

uh, we try not to have favourites, Lugaretzia.

He is best son.

He's a nice boy.

We all need love. He has Alexia.

Larry, you have Nancy, back in England.

- And you have... - Yes, all right, Larry.

I know what you're going to say. Thank you. I can look after myself.

It's for Alexia.

(SPEAKING GREEK)

(SNORTS)

(SNICKERING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Ripped By mstoll

(INSECT WINGS FLUTTERING RAPIDLY)

(FLUTTERING)

- Go on then. Do something. - (VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Hello, Mrs Durrells.

Oh!

Hello, Spiro.

Want a lift?

No, no. I'm... I'm fine. Thank you.

I'll give you a lift.

No, no. No, I'm fine.

No, I'll give you a lift.

MAN: Bravo!

Hello.

English?

Yes, Gerry.

Kostis.

SPIROS: Why were you hiding from me?

LOUISA: No! I was just getting some shade.

No, you were hiding.

- Where you going? - Oh, just into town.

- Please, Spiro. - Come on, where you going?

- To Sven's house. - Ah. (LAUGHING)

Why you going there?

To ask him a question.

Ask me. I know everything.

He's a Swede.

He saved Larry's life. What's the matter with the Swedes, anyway?

Too lazy to make an empire like the British and the Greeks.

Much too lazy.

(FROG CROAKING)

(SPEAKING GREEK)

Egret.

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Hello, Sven.

Louisa.

I wanted to apologise for offering to pay for Larry's operation.

You were just being British.

You don't like being in anyone's debt.

Are you so different in Sweden?

I don't know.

I'm getting less Swedish every year.

I think I'm down to 38%.

But I like the Greeks.

- Their honesty. - LOUISA: Mmm.

I wouldn't mind a bit of Greek in me.

Stop it.

You like the... accordion?

Um, no, not really.

(STOPS PLAYING)

Not so fond of honesty, now.

Everybody likes the accordion.

- (CHICKENS CLUCKING) - Well... (SIGHS)

Um, I was wondering if you knew anything about olive harvesting.

What exactly is it you don't like?

Mmm...

The sound. Um, the way it looks like a little...

...piano for dwarves.

You prefer the bouzouki?

Which is like a tiny harp for idiots.

(GOAT BLEATING)

GERRY: I have some animals.

I like animals, and they need feeding.

So, I have to go home, now.

Come.

(SPEAKING GREEK)

GERRY: Okay.

You want to say hello to Aleko?

(PANTING)

What's going on?

Who's this?

Stratos.

(SPEAKING GREEK)

He's my old boyfriend...

All right.

And my new boyfriend.

Your bicycle is for a girl.

It's a present.

- For Alexia. - No.

You cannot give it to her.

All right then, I'll fight you for her.

See, Alexia doesn't want that.

Well, okay, if you want.

No, I don't...

Fine.

Fine, let's have a duel.

- A duel? - A duel with guns!

(SPEAKING GREEK)

(SPEAKING GREEK)

- That's dangerous. - Dangerous. And silly. Go away.

Go!

Oh, no...

- Darling, what's the matter? - I had to end it with Alexia.

(CLANGING)

(CRYING)

Oh, Leslie, I'm so sorry.

LESLIE: Her old boyfriend came back.

- Oh, it's so upsetting. - I hate her!

Well, don't.

No, actually, do.

She was...

God, I know I'm not good at anything!

- Oh, you are. - No, I'm not clever like Larry

or charming like Gerry or, or whatever Margo is.

Well, she's...

LESLIE: Apart from my guns,

she was the first good thing that ever happened to me.

Well, there's your family.

Look at this, I can't even cry nicely!

(SOBBING)

(SIGHS)

GERRY: He's beautiful.

Aren't you, Aleko?

- You are. - For you.

You take him.

Really?

Then, you are, uh, family.

You like him?

Family it's like, uh, good health.

You miss it only when it is gone.

(WHINES)

You need fish for him.

Come back tomorrow, we catch a lot.

I will.

Sure you don't want him?

It is hard to keep him where I live.

Why? Your family not like him?

Eh. Except for weekends, I live on that island.

The prison island. Do you work there?

No.

So, you're a convict?

(GRUNTS)

MARGO: I'm sure there's a knack.

Ask Lugaretzia how it's done.

She says the olive pollen irritates her face.

Her face always looks irritated.

Well, it makes it more irritated! Will you help me?

- I'm working. - Looking for a job.

What are you doing?

I am putting a rocket up your backside!

Well, put it up Leslie's!

(SIGHS)

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, Les.

Me too.

Me too, very much.

(DOOR OPENING)

- Darling, Leslie, where are you going? - Shooting.

Bu... Promise me, promise me you won't shoot Alexia or her...

...new friend. - Course, I won't.

You want supper, don't you?

Oh, darling, before I met your father, I turned down lots of young men.

And well... Well, they laughed about it afterwards.

Maybe they didn't really want to go out with you.

Do you know anyone who might have work for Margo?

I don't know where to start.

Oh, what kind of job are you interested in?

I dunno, something to do with fashion or posh food.

I think you're muddling Corfu up with Paris.

(CHUCKLING) Do you think you might have something for her?

Helping you and Dr Petrides?

Ooh, not really.

- Do you have any experience? - No, not...

No, but she's always loved alleviating suffering.

Haven't you, darling?

You know, that... that time.

When you...

What?

Oh, please give her a bloody job.

Well, I suppose we could use some general help.

- You know, errands, tidying... - That's wonderful!

And in time, that might become actual nursing.

Dr Margo will see you now.

- You know that might be fun. - FLORENCE: Well, let's not jump ahead.

We won't be asking you to cut out an appendix.

We've got Sven for that.

- Have you seen him at all? - Um, no, I...

Um, no, I don't think I have.

Margo, how's your Greek?

- Um... - Oh, it's very good.

She's incredibly quick.

- (DOOR OPENING) - DR PETRIDES: Turns out,

Countess Mavrodaki does have an incurable disease.

- Darling. - Hypochondria.

- And she also has an enormous... - FLORENCE: Louisa's here.

...villa.

Hello.

Margo is going to come and work here for a week.

And... and then perhaps permanently.

Excellent. When can you start?

- As soon as possible. - In the autumn?

(PELICAN GRUNTING)

Shut your face!

(CONTINUES GRUNTING)

- What are you doing? No. - What?

LARRY: You can't bring that albatross home.

- It's a gull. - It's an albatross.

Look at the size of it. Discipline it. It's gnashing its teeth.

- They haven't got teeth. - Well, it's gnashing something.

It's a he, and he's called Aleko.

I don't believe in naming animals.

Anthropomorphism is for halfwits.

(EXCITED CHITTERING)

Perhaps not.

I'll build another cage.

- (PUPPY WHINING) - They're pissing and crapping.

Stop them.

I'll be healing the sick and the lame.

- It's a calling. - You'll be a dogsbody.

Not a nurse.

I'm a damn sight prettier than Florence Nightingale.

LOUISA: I'm sure she was ravishing before her family wore her down.

Oh, hello, Leslie.

- Oh, you were really angry, weren't you? - LESLIE: Mmm.

(LARRY CHUCKLING)

(SIGHS) Why is there an albatross outside?

- Thank you. - LOUISA: Yes.

I've already told Gerry off.

It was given to him by his friend, Kosti.

Who's clearly as keen on creatures as Gerry is.

So, he's a very nice friend for him.

- Why can't he look after the albatross? - GERRY: It's not an albatross!

And he can't, because during the week, he's in jail.

What?

(LARRY CHUCKLING) Hmm. How open-minded are you?

Why is he in jail?

- He didn't want to say. - You never know with these Corfiots.

Capable of anything.

Everyone isn't evil just because your girlfriend got a better offer.

Say that again, and I'll burn the book you're writing.

Will you two stop squabbling?

- Gerry... - All right.

I'll ask Kosti again tomorrow.

No. No, you're not going again tomorrow.

- Why not? - Because he could be a murderer.

He can't have done anything that bad if they let him out on weekends.

- Exactly. - LARRY: Don't be so sure.

In Corfu, you get three years for murder

and five years if you're caught dynamiting fish.

I don't care what Kosti did. He's friendly and kind.

Well, I do care because I'm responsible for you

and it's my job to keep you safe.

Why'd you bring us here, then?

It's a million times less safe than Hampshire!

Well, it is if you insist on going fishing with convicts!

And since you ask, I brought us here because...

- (DOOR SLAMMING) - (SCOFFING)

Because I wanted us to be happy.

(SIGHS)

(IMITATING SNAKE HISSING)

(SNAKE HISSING)

Slow down. Don't wolf your breakfast.

Is it nice?

(IMITATING PELICAN CLUCKING)

(IMITATING GULL SCREECHING)

Oh, Gerry.

What have I done wrong now?

Go and see your friend Kosti.

(CHUCKLING) Thank you, Mum.

You're more responsible than all of us.

I should trust you more.

And I'm not being inconsistent, I'm being flexible.

Good.

But you will have to take someone with you.

MARGO: I'm a girl! LARRY: No, no, no, I'm busy!

"Oh, hello, so, uh, what's your name?

"Cheating girlfriend, what's yours?

"Leslie. Leslie Gullible, lovely to meet you."

(GROANS)

- KOSTI: Gerry! - GERRY: Hello!

(ROGER BARKING)

- Who's he? - My brother, Leslie.

Why he has gun?

My older brother Larry says it's because it's a penis substitute.

Shut up!

- (WATER SPLASHING) - (GERRY GASPS)

Did you see that?

- (LOUISA GRUNTING) - (TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

- Larry! - I mustn't stop, I'm in the mood.

(LOUISA SCOFFS)

(GRUNTING)

(TYPEWRITER DINGS)

Help me with Leslie.

He's fine. Time's a big healer.

Plenty of so called self-abuse.

That's very mature.

Help your brother. Be a pal to him.

We're so different.

Alright.

I'll take him into town.

For work tomorrow.

- What do you think? - (LARRY SNICKERS)

LOUISA: No, Margo.

Still, it's good to see you dress-making. Sort of.

There's a guest.

GERRY: Here.

Mum, look.

- The most amazing terrapin. - Oh! Yes.

I'm calling him OI' Plop.

Because?

GERRY: He's old and he goes "Plop!"

Hello, I'm Mrs Durrell.

Kostis.

We're going to build a pond for it.

All right there, me old matey?

He needs friends.

I hear you're in prison.

Yes.

For how many years?

Uh, three years.

Three years.

And how is prison?

It is a prison. Eh?

It is a prison, of course.

May I ask how you came to be there?

- My English... - Because you see I have to know

that Gerry is safe with you.

Gerry, until the next weekend.

Why's he gone? What did you say?

Gerry, I don't think you should see him anymore.

I promised him I'll see him next weekend and I'm going to.

FLORENCE: Most patients come to us with minor ailments.

As Florence Nightingale said, just don't kill anybody.

I'm paraphrasing.

Mmm. You won't be doing anything medical.

But there will be a few gruesome sights, I'm afraid.

- Oh, I have prepared myself for that. - Good girl.

(SPEAKING GREEK)

Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hello, Spiro.

Hello, Ms Durrells. Where do you want to go?

No, I... I just have a question.

Um, do you know a man called Kosti?

He's in Vito jail.

(SPEAKING GREEK)

Hey, do you know of a Kosti, in jail?

The man who killed his wife, Kostis Panopoulos.

Oh, yes! Him!

He murdered his wife.

- Oh. - Why you ask?

Because he's been let out at weekends, and he's been fishing with Gerry.

You should stop this right now.

I remember he has a son,

who was taken from him and lives far away with his grandparents.

That's why he likes to be with Gerry, perhaps.

And why he is not very safe?

What about Somerset Maugham?

He's a bit shit these days.

Who?

The writer, Somerset...

Never mind.

The Webleys are thinking of

modifying the sites on the Mark II rifle.

Dressing, please, Margo.

- I'm going to faint. - It's only a bit of blood.

- Don't say blood. - Don't say blood in a doctor's surgery?

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

So, now you won't have to see the yucky things, as you call them.

- We'll move you to paperwork. - Oh, fine.

I'm not speaking Greek yet. Will that be a problem?

Are you sure you want to work here?

Oh, yes, yes. Mum's really proud of me.

It's quite rare, actually.

Oh.

Should I have another go and really try not to heave or faint.

No. Stay here.

Learn Greek.

What's the hurry? Hm.

FLORENCE: Margo has been... I mean, I wouldn't say she is a natural.

She is uneasy with what she calls 'repulsive old people'.

- Oh, bless her. - Seems to be anyone over 40.

Are you all right?

If you had a son, would you let him go fishing with a convict?

Who might be in for murder.

Gosh! Might be.

See, there's this murderer, Kosti,

uh, Panep...

I don't know. Anyway, it might not be him.

- Well, Kosti is a common name. - I know.

- Oh, Florence, I don't know what to do. - Ask Sven.

Well, he's lived here for years.

And as a man, very much so.

Why is everyone so obsessed with Sven?

(SCOFFS) He's just a tricky bloody Swede.

Excuse me. I just thought you two might get on.

Well, quite clearly, we don't.

Our Kosti is most likely in jail for stealing a postal order.

Three years for a postal order?

Five years for dynamiting fish.

They have their own rules here.

They'll hardly let a violent murderer out to do a spot of angling.

You're right. You're right. And Gerry is very sensible.

He is a very good judge of character.

Gerry? Who we found chatting to a rat.

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

(SPEAKING GREEK)

Sorry.

- (GRUNTS) - (BIRDS FLUTTER)

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

(GROANS)

(CLACKING CONTINUES)

My son is the age of you.

I must not see him.

My father died when I was three.

I have only one memory of him.

Both of us watching the goldfish in our pond.

You know, the little orange fish.

- Oh, well done. - Thank you.

Did you decide to go by date order or name of patient?

Um, patient height.

Height?

Yes, because it's the first thing on your forms, so it must be important.

Taller patients are up here.

So need to remember names which I always forget anyway.

You just need to remember how tall they are.

- Right. - What are these files?

It's the last doctor's.

Seems to be medical reports on police cases he was called out on.

Just... just leave them.

In fact, don't touch anything else.

Kosti Papadopoulos?

- (DOOR CLOSES) - (INDISTINCT VOICES)

So good work on the filing. In order of height, I hear.

I'm beginning to think that might have been a stupid idea.

Anyway, it's Friday afternoon.

So there's are your wages for the week.

- Look... - I know...

This is horrible, but I'm afraid I can't work here.

I'm not very good at filing, and everyone is so unwell,

and it's just going to go on and on and on.

Oh.

Gerry?

So, did today go well?

Of course. Why wouldn't it?

Don't be cross.

I borrowed this from the surgery.

I may not be good with the sick, but I am a good sleuth.

What're you talking about, Margo?

It's a doctor's report from a crime scene.

I spent all day translating it.

I'm like a Greek Agatha Christie.

Ms Marpo. Do you get it?

Mr Kosti Pap...

Wife had many stab wounds.

Brutal beating.

Oh, um, the goat chap is outside.

What?

You know, the foreigner who saved Larry's life.

LARRY: Yeah, thanks for that. Goat chap.

(BIRD SCREECHING)

Starting a zoo?

They're Gerry's.

- He prefers animals to people. - I agree with him.

Yes. I mean, I admire a spider's web as much as anyone,

but I still prefer St. Paul's Cathedral.

Men are so violent.

SVEN: I'm sorry I took offence of this slight of...

I'm sorry I didn't enjoy your playing of the...

Ugh! Oh, it's all so polite.

(WHISPERS) Go to bed.

Oi. Come on then.

- Take me drinking. - (GROANS)

You said you have trouble with your olives.

Yes.

Nets.

It's a very Greek solution.

Just leave the nets, you wait,

contemplate existence,

then you occasionally collect,

then you wait some more.

I talked to Florence Petrides.

She told me you were worried about a criminal.

Can I help?

No. No, really.

You're not just being British?

Oh, no. No, I get less British by the day.

I'm down to 89%.

Well, you know what they say around here.

(SPEAKING GREEK)

Remind me what they mean.

You know where I am.

LOUISA: Gerry?

Gerry?

Where is Gerry?

I think I heard him leave on the bike.

Kosti.

Gerry? Gerry?

- Get Leslie and Larry. - They've gone out.

Gerry?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Enough. No more moping.

I will find you a new girlfriend.

There's only one Alexia.

Yeah, I doubt that actually. Alexia?

- (SPEAKING GREEK) Yes? - Hm. You see?

Lucky guess.

- And she looks like a horse. - She doesn't.

What about her? Sensational!

- No. She looks like a horse. - You look like a horse.

I'll bring her over.

Hello. I'm Lawrence Durrell.

I'm an author.

Gerry?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hmm.

Where did you get that nose? It's beautiful.

WOMAN: My parents.

Hello. I'm Leslie Durrell.

Hello. Leslie Durrell. I don't care, but who are you?

- Good. - Let's go home.

- No. - Can I give you advice about women?

- No. - Don't be defensive.

You're a decent chap. Just be honest and vulnerable.

Shove it up your arse.

I think you've had enough.

Well, I'm drinking to forget.

- And eating to forget. Hm. Mm. - Wait.

Orea.

(MAN SHOUTING IN GREEK) What are you doing there?

Go. Go. (SPEAKING GREEK)

(ARGUING IN GREEK)

- Easy, easy. - Get out of here, now!

(SPEAKING GREEK) Shh! Take him to the house.

To the police station.

There's been a misunderstanding here.

He was stealing from the Countess Mavrodaki.

You, leave.

- Leslie? Still being so sad about me? - (MAN LAUGHING)

(SCOFFS)

Leslie?

(GRUNTS)

Stupid, stupid boy.

(GROANING)

Gerry, you should've told me where you were going.

You wouldn't have let me go.

You and Kosti were stealing.

Kosti was being kind.

Margo showed me a police medical file.

Gerry, he stabbed his wife Maria 16 times,

and then he threw her in the sea.

- Kosti's wife is called Eulia. - What?

It's Maria Papadopoulos.

Eulia Penopolous. God! You don't even know his name properly.

Or anything about him.

Oh, I'm sorry.

So he is a different Kosti.

Oh, she is buried in the cemetery in the valley.

And Kosti visits her grave all the time and keeps it beautiful.

Now they'll arrest him, and he'll never get out of prison.

(MAN SPEAKING GREEK) Get in.

Where have you been?

I'll tell you in the morning.

Where have you been?

I'll tell you

in the morning.

What sort of police station opens at 9:00 in the morning?

(SPEAKING GREEK)

- (COUGHS) - (LAUGHTER)

(KEYS JANGLING)

(DOOR OPENS)

(LESLIE YAWNS)

You go home.

- I'll speak to you later. - Okay.

Leslie?

Please release Kosti.

- He must go back to the island. - (EXHALES)

He was just trying to help my son.

If he gets in any more trouble, they'll lock him away for years.

You understand the system. Hurrah!

SPIROS: Ms Durrells?

Ms Durrells?

I heard what happened, and I'm beside myself with outrage.

What is your priority? Your naughty son?

Or the unjustly arrested wife-murderer?

They have already let Leslie go.

And, Spiro, please don't shout at anyone.

It'll just make things worse for Kosti.

(SPEAKING GREEK) Officer, I can vouch for these people.

Ms Durrells is English.

(SPEAKING GREEK) And you'll be able to get a promotion.

They are completely trustworthy.

Completely trustworthy.

(SPEAKING GREEK) What did our Kostis do?

He showed them the beauty of Corfu.

Beautiful, tempting goldfish.

Which, of course, they will return.

Very well.

- I will let him go. - All right.

Release the prisoner.

Later. There is paperwork.

Later? (SHOUTING IN GREEK) What is this, you fascist!

Is this a joke? Move your ass and let him go!

- Later. - What, later?

(SHOUTING IN ENGLISH) If you ever want a taxi,

I'll make sure you'll get it later!

So,

we just need to go and give the goldfish back.

And return the police file.

Mother was getting really anxious, so I translated it,

and it turns out I got the wrong Kosti.

You know, easily done.

It's a pretty gruesome file actually. I could never be able...

I think your mother wants to go.

Hello. We are here to see the Countess.

Let's leave the goldfish and make a run for it.

It's not about the fish.

It's about honesty.

Now don't say anything, except 'Sorry' and 'Thank you'

and then we'll leave.

(DOOR OPENS)

MARGO: Larry was the worst estate agent in Bournemouth.

He actually won a prize, but it was too heavy carry here.

And Leslie was gun mad and nearly shot our postman.

I was fine, but Gerry here was only interested

in anything with four legs, or scales, hence the goldfish.

And mother was drinking too much, apparently,

so that's why she brought us all to live in Corfu.

But tell us about yourself.

Ahem. I must apologise for my daughter.

Well, you are a breath of fresh air.

Oh! You're so sweet.

Dennis tries his best to entertain me.

But he ran out of ideas some time ago.

I'm told I can be a bit dim.

Me, too.

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

GERRY: Theo?

Hello, Gerry. What have you got there?

LOUISA: A gift from the Countess. How was your trip?

Oh, yes! It was a fascinating conference.

A Swiss delegate tried to argue that molluscs were descended

from annelids rather than the other way around,

which almost lead to fisticuffs.

I can imagine. (LAUGHS)

Oh, we've missed you, Theo.

Uh, Margo, Jerry, will you go and make us some tea.

Oh, Theo, I've got a job

as lady's companion to Countess Mavrodaki.

Yes, I think Margo is going to be a survivor.

Theo, you know everything. Have you heard of a case?

A murder case involving a Kosti Papadopoulopoulos?

- Penopolous? - Penopolous.

Yes. As I remember it, his wife had an affair.

Kosti is drunk, and in a moment of madness and passion,

he knocked her over. She hit her head and died.

Ah.

So that's our Kosti.

Thank you, Theo.

Theo, I finished my first major work.

Excellent.

Is it a work of genius? Yes, it is. Who wants to hear my writing?

- No, too rude. - I'd rather die.

Good. Theo does.

"Proudly purple in the gloaming,

"a sharp displacement of sad air made him aware obliquely of movement to..."

I'm sorry about your wife.

I know it was an accident and...

I'm sorry I didn't trust you.

I love her still.

Inside I cry

all the time,

like a river.

You know, I had a husband and...

And he died, too. So I understand how you feel.

I mean, I didn't kill him, but...

Sorry.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)